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48 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Back After A Bad Breakup”

  1. Namy

    September 11, 2018 at 9:06 am

    How to convince a man without making him feel insecure?
    We have dated for a few years, and had a passionate love, we used to think we were the one of each other. But then we have a problem repeated over many years.
    He has funny comments about breast and collarbone or “flowers beetwen 2 legs” under photos of some girls on FB. He thinks this is normal. And I think it’s a scam, vulgar, and disrespectful of our relationship.
    These comments are on a few girls, but mostly repeated on one girl who liked him, leading to my being jealous and making him think I lack trust or respect for him.
    This difference has given our relationship many hurtful breakups and I had to ask the help from your books (thank you again, and again).
    Now, I realize that this difference is in view, not about this girl or the others.
    He said he loves me so much and only me, he can try to control the comments because of me. But to say he thinks he shouldn’t comment like that is to lie to me.
    For me, the problem is not what has happened. Which issue I can not accept this view. When I think of this, I feel hurted, insecure and disrespectful to him.
    But I can not convince him. What I hope is that he can share my view and really feel comfortable with it.
    He insists his behavior is completely normal, and hopefully one day I will change my perspective.
    I know he loves me, and I still love him. But if we come back together when the difference is still there, it will repeat all the arguments, hurt, disrespectful thoughts.
    What can I do?
    I believe I am right, but maybe I do not know yet how to convince a man psychologically?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 17, 2018 at 10:06 pm

      You are right Namy…his comments are inappropriate and have no place. If he persists, then it says a lot about who he is as a person and that should be helpful insight for you.

  2. Zoey

    September 7, 2018 at 12:02 am

    yes، but i should admit this i made him freak out when i asked him to hang out to step foward in our relationship…actually, i did not even tell that i miss him or sth intimate since we broke up…i think it could be the reason too that make him pull away to see where he is standing now!

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 7, 2018 at 3:34 am

      Good point Zoey! But a mature guy would not freak out.

  3. Zoey

    September 5, 2018 at 10:53 pm

    yes, i do it for myself this time..
    two days ago، i asked him to hang out on Friday to take a step forward,at the beginning he feels good about this but then i felt he was not so much happy…yesterday, i sent to him and he was not in good mood to reply, just answering the questions..no mood to talk..
    today, i sent to him twice, saw my messages but did not text me back! why he behaves like this?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 6, 2018 at 3:51 am

      Hi Zoey….

      seems you ex is a bit moody. Its up to him to work it out. Just give him a little space and see if he self corrects.

  4. Zoey

    September 4, 2018 at 11:46 am

     hi Chris
    how are you?
    me and my ex are talking together since two months and sometimes the conversation is so excited and sometimes not…i stopped text him for 8 days but he never text to me first..just me take the first step and this is really annoying me!
    what suppose i do?
    today i asked him to unblock me in his messenger because my whatsapp stopped but he refused and i think he thought i am just lying on him just i did before to unblock me then i start to be nag person and text him whenever i saw him online..well this is was me before unfortunately! but i am not this person anymore for this i did not insist on him to unblock me to make him feel i am so mature now; do you think i did the right thing?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 4, 2018 at 9:20 pm

      Hi Zoey!

      I do think so. But it is more important you make these decision for yourself to demonstrate your empowerment.

  5. Sandra

    September 4, 2018 at 1:23 am

    We were together for about seven years, And we eventually broke up because he was feeling trapped and doing the self-discovery thing. He hoped I’d wait for him, and I did for awhile… but eventually we amicably parted ways and had a casual friendship. Three years ago he came back and told me he thought I was the one. (He neglected to say he was engaged to someone else.) So I, of course, thought maybe there was a chance, But when I pushed it, he pulled away, and I didn’t understand why, so I pushed some more, and he pulled away more, and eventually it came out that he was in a relationship. I was upset because he should’ve told me, and I was very hurt, And when I said I wanted to talk about it, he said that wasn’t our connection anymore… I said things I regret, he said hurtful things, and things eventually got to the point where he said he wasn’t going to be in communication with me, but we would “always be connected.” So, like a proper crazy girl, I sent him a 15 page manifesto about all of my feelings… he didn’t reply. I did find out he didn’t get married, though. A year later, I sent him a “Just wanted to tell you [something superficial], but you don’t have to write me back.” He didn’t. Now it’s two years after that, I’m in a relationship, I think he might be in a relationship… But i find myself still missing our connection, our friendship, and him. I think I’m still very hurt and sad I never got closure, that he could hurt me like that, and also that I could truly push someone I care about that far away. I’ve tried healing on my own (therapy, meds, self-growth, all that stuff…) But I just can’t shake his presence in my mind. there’s this bond there, and the part that feels like I still know him believes he feels that too, but then again, I’m also a naïve romantic. So anyway, everyone thinks I’m crazy for wanting to send him a random “so it’s been a while, how are you?” email… I don’t know if he’ll respond or not, and I don’t know if I can handle it either way. But we are both closer to 40 than 30 now,and I’d like to stop playing games with myself… but I also just can’t believe that the bridge is truly burned. I’m not really sure how to trust whatever my instincts tell me because they tell me many things at once. I know how he treated me was awful, and I don’t even know if I’d want to get back together. But all the same, I just miss my friend, that connection… Thoughts?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 4, 2018 at 9:26 pm

      Hi Sandra!

      If you are not sure if you can handle it, then don’t do it. Wait awhile. Focus on your own personal recovery. Remember, this guy treated you awful. Don;t be n a hurry. Time has a way of healing our wounds and giving us greater perspective. You really should pick up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as it is full of insights that can help you.

  6. Lauren

    August 31, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    My ex and I were together for more than two years, but dated once before, four years ago- that first break up was horrific. I almost can’t believe we got back together, but we eventually did, and we were convinced it was forever this time.
    I broke up with him-impulsively, and ::cringe:: over text- six weeks ago, after a major argument. We’d been having problems for awhile, and he just would not work with me to address them. His way of dealing was to shut me out and give me the silent treatment. We lived together and have a dog. We’d discussed marriage as recently as 3 months ago. Since the break up I’ve moved out and we’re sharing custody of our dog, who we consider to be our kid- neither of us want children. I’ve asked to reconcile, and he’s made it very clear that the break up was my decision and that I need to live with it. He’s not interested in discussing it. He hardly responds to communication re: dog care. He’s given no indication that he wants to fix things. I don’t know if it’s anger/stubborness on his part, or I should wait and hope he’ll change his mind eventually. I’d appreciate your thoughts.

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 1, 2018 at 1:03 am

      Hi Lauren…..seems like you should roll into no contact. Go to my home page and check out the tools and resources I offer that can help you thru this. I think his stubbornness will wear down with a well implemented ex recovery plan!

  7. C

    August 31, 2018 at 2:38 pm


    Enjoyed the article. I’m kinda like half way into no contact atm and I have a couple of questions.

    If you sleep with someone whilst you’re apart, how do you handle it if your ex asks? My ex is intensely jealous in that way.

    Also (and I know nobody else can truly answer this) I’m starting to feel like maybe I don’t want him back anyway? But part of me does. I’m just not really sure whether to carry on making an effort with him. I’m not really sure what the deciding factors should be there.

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 1, 2018 at 1:18 am

      Hi C…allow for time and space to inform you about whether you want him back enough to make an energetic effort. If there is doubt about want him, then you have your answer there. Probably best not to talk about your personal life with your ex. You should go to my home page and check out my resources….particularly, “The No Contact Rule Book” as it will help you with figuring out what you really want.

  8. Kate

    August 29, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    What if my ex told me he doesn’t see himself regaining his trust in me? I was happy with him, but I didn’t really communicate with him properly and I got so tangled up in my own issues so I told him that we should break up a couple of times. Finally, he told me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I went no contact for few weeks and I recovered from a breakup and then i realized that he was my favourite person but I wasn’t good with telling him how much i love him. How can i regain his trust and convince him that this time it will be better?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 30, 2018 at 1:31 am

      Hi Kate….you know that guys can say stupid things. Trust works both ways. He needs to trust in himself. He chose you as his girlfriend, so he sees something special in you. Just think small steps in trying to rebuild trust. Keep on with NC, but give him a heads up that you are working on yourself.

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