By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 25th, 2021

This guide will teach you everything you need to know about making an ex obsess over you.

Advanced strategies.

Mindset shifts.

And four new ideas that I’ve never shared anywhere else before.

Let’s get started…

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The Biggest Misconception People Have About Making An Ex Obsess Over You

Lately, I’ve noticed that a lot of my clients have been asking me about what they can do to stay relevant in their exes mind.

Many have flat out asked me what they can do to make their exes obsess about them.

Of course, they tend to get confused when I tell them that in most cases obsession only happens when you aren’t around the person.

Consider for a moment three couples.

You have Couple A,

Couple A spends every waking moment together. Meaning, there isn’t a lot left to the imagination.

Then you have Couple B,

Couple B never spends any time together. They are in a long distance relationship and hardly ever see each other.

And then you have Couple C

Couple C sees each other enough to satisfy each other but doesn’t crowd one another.

Now, here is my question to you.

Which of these three couples is most likely to obsess?

I’d make a strong argument for Couple C.

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But why?

Well, with Couple A you are dealing with a situation where the participants are seeing each other way too much. Therefore, any free time away from each other isn’t going to yield many “obsession emotions.” Instead, it will yield relief that they have a break.

Couple B has a similar problem just on the other side of the coin. Where Couple A saw each other too much, Couple B doesn’t see each other enough. The average person would assume that this means they’d have more time to obsess about one another.

However, someone who thinks that is not considering the fact that having positive interactions directly impacts how likely someone will miss you when they aren’t with you (more on that later.)

Couple C is in the ideal position for obsession because they don’t see each other too much to ruin things and they don’t go too long without seeing each other.

They skirt that fine line beautifully.

This is an important concept to grasp because it’s the overlying idea present throughout the strategy I’m about to lay out for you.

4 Powerful Ways To Make Your Ex Obsess About You

There are quite a few ways to make an ex obsess about you. However, I recognize the fact that you don’t have all day and you are probably looking for the most effective methods.

So, I won’t bore you with the complete list.

(If you are looking for a more in-depth way of making your ex obsess over you I’d recommend checking out my best selling book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Here is what I plan on doing instead.

I’m going to give you my 4 most powerful strategies for making an ex become obsessed with you,

  1. Ensure That You Use Social Media Properly
  2. The More Your Ex Invests In You The More Likely They Are To Obsess About You
  3. Understand The Good Feelings Vs. Bad Feelings Strategy
  4. Create An Open Loop In Your Interactions

Don’t be weirded out if this list doesn’t make any sense to you. It’s not supposed to.

That’s why I’m covering each of these strategies in depth.

Way #1: Ensure That You Use Social Media Properly

I’ve written a lot about social media on this website. The thing that always impresses me is how fast things change.

I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery back in 2012 and back then the big social media websites were Facebook and Twitter.

Now you have Snapchat, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube and probably some new unnamed website I haven’t thought of to contend with.

In fact, I’ve even had to up my game recently and start doing YouTube Lives,

I mention that fact because I literally filmed that Live session today (as I’m writing this article) and was asked a pretty interesting question on it.

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“Should I use social media to get my ex back?”

I think a pretty strong argument can be made that social media is an essential component towards getting your ex back.

This is especially true when it comes to making your ex obsess over you.

But in order for me to fully explain that idea to you I think we need to do a deep dive into what obsession really is.

What Making Your Ex Obsess Over You Really Means And How Social Media Fits In

When someone is obsessing over something it’s just another way of saying that they can’t stop thinking about it.

In fact, the dictionary defines obsession as,

An idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a persons mind

In other words, if you want your ex to obsess over you they need to think about you. However, things become complicated because often people try to directly confront their ex when a more subtle strategy is required.

That’s where social media comes into play.

It’s the ultimate way to indirectly talk to your ex. By simply posting a status update on Facebook or Twitter your ex can see whats going on with you from afar.

And research suggests that they are going to be watching from afar.

Example Of A Way You Can Use Social Media To Make Your Ex Think About You

I’m actually going to tell real life story that happened on one of my coaching calls.

Last year I was talking to a woman who was trying to get her ex back. She was really struggling with how she could get her ex to agree to see her in person since she was going to be in his neck of the woods on a certain day.

I started talking to her about this idea of “priming.” Essentially I told her to prime her visit to his area with social media posts before she actually showed up. By posting about her visit ahead of time he would think about it and maybe reach out to her and set a date up.

My client was skeptical but she decided to take a leap of faith and posted something on Facebook about her being in his neck of the woods.

An hour later he reached out and asked to see her.

Use social media to your advantage. It’s a weapon.

Way #2: The More Your Ex Invests In You The More Likely They Are To Obsess Over You

It’s really funny, yesterday my wife wrote about this exact idea.

Now-a-days it’s hard to get me to obsess about things.

In fact, when I think of things that I have obsessed about this month I can put them into two distinct categories.

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  1. There are the positive things that I’ve obsessed about (which is what this section is going to cover.)
  2. And then there are the negative things that I’ve obsessed about (which I’ll cover later in tip #4.)

I’m a big reader.

To me, there is nothing better than becoming obsessed with a good book. However, the more I read the more difficult it is for me to find something that hooks me in.

I’m always chasing moments.

Those moments in books that are so epic or awesome that you giggle with glee or can’t stop thinking about them.

Last year this was that moment for me,

This is a moment that occurred in a book called “Words of Radiance.”

It’s a sequel to a book called “The Way of Kings.” Everyone I trusted in my life told me that “The Way of Kings” was this epic read and that I’d love it.

I gave it a chance and was disappointed.

It was a good book but it didn’t blow me away.

Also it was long… so very long.

Nevertheless, when I finished it I decided to give the sequel a chance. That’s when I noticed something interesting happen.

I started to really care about what was going on.

No, that’s not the best way to put it.

I started to obsess about what was going on.

I remember after reading a chapter one night thinking,

“How did I become so obsessive over this book?”

And that’s when I had an epiphany.

I became so obsessed because of all the work and effort I put into it.

The more time I invested into reading it the more I cared.

But I think there was more to it than that even. There were payoffs that made me keep wanting to come back for more.

This is the perfect analogy for dealing with your ex.

Look at it like a game.

The more you can get them to invest into you the better.

But investment alone isn’t enough to get them to obsess. That’s where the next principle comes into play.

Way #3: Good Feelings Vs. Bad Feelings Strategy

I want to stay with my book reading example for this one but I need to hit pause for a bit to explain this concept to you.

What is the good feelings vs. bad feelings strategy?

Simply put, human beings are drawn towards things that make them feel good and run from things that make them feel bad.

Of course, sometimes bad things make people feel good but I think this illustrates the point beautifully.

Despite a behavior being bad for someone they will still continue to engage in it if it makes them feel good.

The best analogy I can use for this concept is a drug addict.

I think we can all universally agree that doing drugs is bad. However, people continue to use because it makes them feel good.

Here’s the wild part.

I’m willing to bet a large amount of money that we wouldn’t have a drug problem if taking drugs made people feel bad.

What’s the point then?

Lets hook back into my reading example.

Obviously I invested a lot of time reading 1,200 page books back to back. However, what kept me reading and investing time was the fact that there were payoffs.

This moment,

Was so epic I was giggling with glee.

That made me feel good.

The better I felt the more I wanted to read and pretty soon I was trapped in the authors web.

That’s how to make someone obsess.

Applying This Concept On Your Ex

So, how do we apply this concept on our exes?

Every interaction you have with your ex accomplishes two things.

You are building up their investment into your relationship.

You are also provided an opportunity to make them come away with the interaction positively

Here’s something that might blow your mind.

Your ex doesn’t care about you.

They care about themselves.

They care about how they feel.

The easiest way to get someone to do something you want is to convince them that there is something awesome in it for them.

I only go to the movies when I think a movie is worth watching. I do this because I am hoping the movie will give me “the feels.”

There is something in it for me.

I want to feel.

I want to have an experience I’ll always remember.

Some of my fondest memories happen during movies.

I’ll never forget the way I felt when I saw Lord of The Rings for the first time.

I’ll never forget the way I felt when I saw Avatar

I’ll never forget what an impact Interstellar had on me

All of these experiences made me feel good.

That’s how your ex needs to feel in interactions with you and then they’ll start obsessing.

Way #4: Create An Open Loop

There is one other element that I think can be extremely effective in making an ex obsess about you.

And that’s the idea of the open loop.

First things first, what is an open loop?

Well, an open loop is a rhetorical device used to instill curiosity and create anticipation

I talk a lot about this in my book.

Here’s the funny thing about open loops. When a human being is confronted with one all they want to do is close it.

Above I mentioned that for the past month I can really diagram two types of obsessions I’ve had.

The positive ones (which I talked about in the good feelings vs. bad feelings section.)

And the negative ones.

At the beginning of this month the Air Conditioner pipes in my house leaked and caused some water damage.

I’m not exactly the most handy guy around so I was bombarded with worry.

I called the AC repair people out and they couldn’t fix it.

Every day that went by I could not stop thinking about this problem.

It was a problem and I had to find a solution.

Sound familiar?

Essentially the fact that something was wrong in my house created an open loop.

It instilled a curiosity within me to find out how to solve the problem.

Eventually I did solve it… by replacing the entire pipe system (I’m a bit sore about it still) but I think this beautifully illustrates the open loop point.

Here’s my recommendation to you.

Ever so subtly I want you to sprinkle in open loops in your interactions with your ex.

Of course, you are probably sitting there and wondering,

“But Chris… what are some examples of how to do this?”

Well, I’ll show you.

There are ton of examples in my program, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program.

😉 .

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6 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Obsessed With You”

  1. Worried

    June 22, 2019 at 4:15 pm

    My ex was a fantastic man. Then the walls starting going up. He has cheatted on me 3 times. I see him as two completely diffrent people. A complete narcissist and and a senstive guy afraid to hurt. I still love him, but i need someone devoted to me that always has my back. Hes living with his 3rd cheat now and left me holding the bag on the house we bought. I havent talked to him in 10 days, but im going to have to for the house. How can i get the man back he was 10 years ago and know without a doubt he wont cheat again?

  2. Joy

    October 20, 2018 at 3:27 am

    Hi chris..
    Recently i had a big fight with my bf,he is married man..i fight with him coz the wife sent me pics of txt of girls from his phone. I was gone mad until i fight with him.After,we never contact anymore,i tried txt him but he no reply.I am quite recovering now,but I dunno until when as he has alot things with me..I want to contact him but am not sure now if he will reply or i should be back to him. I am really in need of advice and views..

    Please help…thanks..

  3. Maddy

    August 29, 2018 at 8:42 pm

    I guess what I’m trying to figure out is after no contact, and if I follow your texting rules… how do I do all of this with our 4 month timeline? He won’t be back in the state until Decemeber and I doubt he’ll give anything a chance until he is here and settled into a job… I want to respect his space because I don’t feel like pressuring him is any way to start a relationship. I know this isn’t a true breakup and hope is still there. I just want to make sure I’m doing everything I can to set us up for success.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 30, 2018 at 1:20 am

      Hi Maddy!

      YOu may need to adapt to make the timeline work for your situation. I get into that in my book, “The No Contact Rule Book”.

  4. Maddy

    August 26, 2018 at 7:06 pm

    Hey Chris I need a little insight on how to handle this situation. Basically I went on a 10 day organized trip and met my “ex.” We hit it off on the 2nd day and spent the entire trip together. It was like out of a movie. We got extremely close and he is so much the kind of man I’ve been looking for and he’s said the same of me. That said, his family in the same state as me but a 3hr drive away. He’s also in the last 4 months of his contract at his job in another state (definitely a 3-4hr plane ride away) and his ultimate plan is to move back home and work for his dad’s company when his contract ends.

    Since we had only known each other a week and a half we decided not to put too much pressure on the situation and see if we kept talking maybe we’d set up some visits. However after trying for a little over week after we got back, he ended up texting me and telling me the distance like it is is too much for him and he doesn’t want a long distance relationship right now and wants to try things again in the future when he can put himself into it more fully. Which I understand on some level, but he went so above and beyond for me and was so incredible to me on the trip, I guess I thought we would become more than what we are now.

    So I’m now almost a week out of that talk. I haven’t spoken to him since that day but I’m not sure how to move forward. I guess I can try no contact for now, but the truth is, nothing is going to change until he’s at least within driving distance from me. I want to find a way to keep him interested because I know it’s this huge distance that’s causing the problem. I’ve never felt so accepted and close with someone as I felt with him and I know in my gut it’s right… I guess we agreed to be friends but I want to do whatever will make him remember me and want to be with me when he’s back.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 27, 2018 at 3:47 am

      Hi Maddy!

      Not pursuing a LDR with you could be his loss. Maybe he will discover this in time. I would encourage you to get started with NC and deploy both to heal yourself and also do those things that reinforce your value so he can’t help but notice. Just go to my site’s home page to learn more about all of the resources available to you