We last heard from Shannon in episode 11 of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. If you don’t remember that episode then all you have to do is think back to the episode with my obsession of House of Cards!
Ya… I am a bit weird like that.
Well, turns out the my words in episode 11 hit home with Shannon and she went out and implemented the game plan I put together for here.
The result = She got her ex back!
For those of you who forgot Shannon’s situation don’t worry, I have a quick recap for you below,
- Her ex boyfriend kept standing her up on dates.
- Shannon reacted as any self respecting woman would, she got angry.
- The anger lead to a fight which ultimately led to a breakup
- She hadn’t talked to her ex in months (she obviously remedied this)
Lets talk a little bit about what this episode covers,
What I Talk About In This Episode
- House of Cards (Again.)
- How Shannon didn’t just listen to her own episode but all the other podcast episodes.
- Leaving a man wanting more.
- Positive emotions.
- Not sleeping with an ex until he commits.
- The Newness Factor.
- The Five Languages Of Love
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
- Shannon mentioned that on top of the podcast she utilized my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
- EBR 011- How To Get Past An Exes Resistance (Shannon’s Episode)
- EBR 006- How To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Relationship
- What To Do To Keep A Boyfriend Once You Have Him
- Leave Me A Voicemail
- The Five Languages Of Love
The Five Languages Of Love Game Plan
I really wanted to provide something useful to Shannon since she was kind enough to follow up with me after her initial episode (EBR 011). So, I realized that what would really benefit her is advice on how she could continue to thrive in a relationship with her boyfriend.
I actually took a page out of “The 5 Languages Of Love” book on how she could do this.
Below I have compiled the order of importance of the 5 things that men need to have in a relationship to remain happy.
1. Physical Touch
Physical touch includes things like holding hands, kissing and making love.
I put this one at number one because men are very physical creatures and if they lack this in a relationship they will start to lose interest. I know that is maybe a little hard to hear but that is just the nature of the beast.
2. Words Of Affirmation
How many times have I said that men yearn to feel wanted by women?
A lot, right?
Make sure you feed your mans ego every once in a while Shannon. You need to make him think that he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Of course, you don’t want him to grow comfortable or complacent so make sure you also mix this up too.
I talk about how to do this in the episode.
3. Quality Time
This one doesn’t need too much explanation does it?
Basically make sure you carve out some “couple” time for your man. While this may not be the most important thing to a man in a relationship it shouldn’t be looked over.
He will yearn for it eventually.
4. Acts Of Service
This isn’t as dirty as it sounds.
(Get your mind out of the gutter.)
Acts of service are the little things that you do for your man.
- Doing dishes
- Doing laundry
- Making dinner every once in a while
All of these little things that you do “in service” of your man count towards showing him how much you care about him and he will appreciate them.
Giving your guy a gift out of love (not for Christmas or for his birthday) is going to be appreciated by him.
Not too much left to say here…
Welcome to Episode 19 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. These are super exciting times for the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery brand. Last week, I let you in on the fact that I was working with a designer to completely redesign and create a new look and feel for the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery website.
I’ve been talking with him the entire week. We’ve come up with some really incredible ideas. I’m super excited to see them come to fruition. It’s going to be a few weeks until that can happen. Website redesigns take time. It’s a complicated process.
However, I’ve seen the latest mockups of the design and it is something. It’s a vast improvement over what I currently have on the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery website. It’s much more user friendly. It’s much more female friendly and visual. I’m super pumped to see this come to fruition.
Let’s get down to business. Today we’re going to hear from Shannon. If you don’t remember Shannon, she was featured on Episode 11 when she asked a question about her ex. Yesterday I was answering comments on the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery site. One of the women reached out and said, “Chris, it would be really great if you could follow up with these women to see how their situations pan out.” I told her, “Yes, that is a great idea.”
The problem is, women have to reach out to me to get a hold of me. I can’t leave them a voicemail. As luck would have it, I went to the podcast voicemails folder, and Shannon reached out to me and told me that she got her ex-boyfriend back. I’m not going to take full credit. Obviously, Shannon takes full credit here. She used the advice that I gave her on Episode 11 and she got her ex-boyfriend back.
Let’s hear about how she did that:
“Hi, Chris. It’s Shannon. I think you did Episode 11 about me. I want to let you know that I did exactly as you said. I started texting him and building up emotional attraction. He asked me to come over to his house. I just got a manual car. He wanted me to drive his car because it’s a really nice car. I drove it and it was fun.
We sat in the car and talked for a while. He told me that he wanted to get back together. He said he sees us getting back together in the future. It was great. He kissed me. We made out but I told him I wasn’t going to have sex with him until he fully commits. I left him wanting more. What you say is true. Thank you so much.”
This is so awesome, Shannon. Congratulations. I wish you and your ex-boyfriend all the happiness in the world. I hope that you can have a long, lasting relationship that’s happy and full of love. I’m really proud of you, Shannon.
When I look at the women who come to the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery website, the thing that drives me nuts is the fact that I give them advice that I know is proven and tested. It works. I’m not going to say that it works all the time. Anyone who tells you, “My advice will get your ex back 100% of the time,” is a flat-out liar. You should never take their advice. I like to think that my advice raises your chances of getting your ex back substantially.
The biggest mistake I see with women is the fact that they come to the website and they really like the advice that I have to offer. But when it comes down to executing it, they don’t do it. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”
It’s the same principle here. I can’t make you execute the strategies to get your ex-boyfriend back. You didn’t have that problem at all. You seem to have read the mini game plan that I gave you and implemented it perfectly. Congratulations. I’m really proud of you. That’s what we’re all about here at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Nation.
The interesting thing is, when I created this podcast, this is exactly what I envisioned. I envisioned that I’d have more one-on-one contact with women and the results would show through. The proof is in the pudding. I don’t expect you to believe that my advice works until I can prove that it works. Here is the first of hopefully many examples that what I teach and offer here at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery works. You heard it from Shannon. The strategies work if you stick to them.
I took the liberty of looking up Shannon’s situation in Episode 11, which was about how to get past your ex’s resistance. I remember that it was the House of Cards episode. I had just finished binge-watching House of Cards. I was talking about how you need to become your ex-boyfriend’s top priority. In Shannon’s situation, she got stood up on a date.
As a result, a fight ensued. The fight led to a breakup. Her and her ex-boyfriend hadn’t talked in a month. She listened to the episode. She started building up emotional traction with her ex-boyfriend. I talked about the House of Cards idea and the newness factor.
People are attracted to new things. You need to project this newness factor onto your ex. Obviously, Shannon listened to my advice about leaving your man wanting more. It seems like she listened to some of the other episodes in the podcast. She said that she wasn’t going to have sex with her boyfriend until he committed, which is spot on.
I’m really proud of you for that, Shannon. I’m not sure I talked about that in Episode 11. I could be wrong. I read my notes that I had written down when I was trying to give Shannon advice. I talked about sex and friends with benefits in other episodes. I’ll link to the friends with benefits episode and my advice on not sleeping with your ex until he commits to you.
She got her ex back. She worked on making him experience positive emotions. It seems like it worked. She did a great job. She should be commended. That’s incredible.
Shannon, I want you to get something out of this episode. I don’t want to sit here and toot my own horn by saying, “I can get your ex back. Buy my book. By the way, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro is a great step-by-step guide. Shannon did get the guide. It did seem to help her get her ex back.” I’m kidding. I want Shannon to get something out of this. I’m going to take a step beyond just getting your ex-boyfriend back today.
I’m going to talk about what Shannon needs to do to make sure that her relationship thrives. I want to make sure that another breakup with her boyfriend doesn’t happen. I don’t want history to repeat itself. The thing you have to understand is that when you get someone back, the relationship is going to change. It doesn’t have to change in a bad way. That breakup altered the path of the relationship. It’s going to be a different feeling.
Shannon, I would advise you to create a new and better relationship. Just because it’s a new relationship doesn’t mean that is has to be bad. You can make this relationship better than your previous one, because things are going to change.
Here is my advice on how to do that. I want to talk about this book that my wife was telling me about called The Five Languages of Love. It’s very popular. I think I’ve heard of it before my wife told me about it. She told me more about it. I hadn’t read it. She told me what the five languages were. As she was telling me, I was insightful enough to understand what the book was getting at. I really liked the idea behind it.
There are these five needs that human beings need to have in a relationship to experience happiness. These five languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch.
Words of affirmation would be me saying to my wife, “I love you. You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met.” I’m basically stroking her ego. Acts of service would be doing little things. For example, if my wife comes home and I’ve cleaned up the house, I’ve done the dishes or I’ve made dinner. These little acts of service help tell someone that you love them.
Then you have receiving gifts. If I were to get my wife roses or something expensive would be considered a gift. I haven’t read the book. I’m sure that a lot of you women have. Maybe you can educate me on this. I’m assuming that the gift isn’t given on a birthday. I’m assuming that it’s given out of the blue and from your heart. It’s not a Christmas gift or a gift like that. It’s a gift given from love.
Then you have quality time. I don’t think that one needs too much explanation. This is one-on-one time. Then you have physical touch. You have kissing, hugging and sex.
The thing that I want to tell you, Shannon, is that men order these differently in order of importance. A man will need all five of these languages but there are some languages that he will want more than others. I’m going to tell you about myself. I don’t know your ex-boyfriend personally so I don’t know what he likes. He may be a little bit different. This is what I need to have most to feel loved, wanted and happy. There are the five languages. I’m going to classify them, for me, in order of most to least importance.
Number one for me is physical touch. I don’t think that’s a shocker. I’m a guy. Pretty much every guy’s number one will be physical touch. This isn’t just about sex for me. Obviously, that’s important. Let me give you an example.
Let’s say that my wife and I get into a fight. We’re arguing about something. Anytime that she comes over and gives me a hug out of nowhere in the middle of a fight, I always feel better. I always feel, “This is nothing. This is just a small blip on the radar.” That’s how I know that physical touch means a lot to me. Words won’t do that for me. Being cared for will. I’m assuming that a lot of men are like me. I’m the prototype for the average boyfriend. Number one for me is physical touch.
Number two would be words of affirmation. Every man likes to have his ego stroked. How many times have I told this to everyone on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery? Men like to feel wanted. They need to feel wanted. There is a fine line of how you walk that line, Shannon. You need to stroke your boyfriend’s ego, but you can’t stroke it so much that he takes it for granted. You need to do it in strategic times.
One day, maybe you stroke his ego. Then the next two, you don’t do it at all. Then you do it again. You do this roller coaster effect with the words of affirmation. You’re stroking his ego. Then he doesn’t grow complacent with it. He doesn’t expect when it’s coming so it means more when you do stroke his ego. Number two is words of affirmation.
Number three is quality time. I like to have quality time with my wife. That’s really important to me. I need one-on-one time. I’m sure if she were going out with her friends all the time, I never saw her and there was no quality time, that would hurt our relationship. I think a lot of people are like this. People who work too much and don’t have that quality time, I think that hurts their relationship.
You need to work quality time into the relationship. It’s not the most important thing to a man, but without quality time, I think your relationship will suffer, Shannon. Make sure you can find that quality time, even if you’re a long-distance thing. I know that your ex-boyfriend was or is in the Army. I don’t know if he’s going to get deployed. You can find time to work this out before or after he gets deployed.
Number four would be acts of service. I was split between acts of service and gifts because, hey, I like gifts as much as anyone. To me, the little things are important. If my wife were to clean, do the dishes for me or draw me a bath, that means a lot to me.
My wife has also given me small gifts. She got us a cooking class one time out of the blue. It was around when I wasn’t feeling too good about something. I can’t remember what it was, but it cheered me right up. For me, the order of importance in the languages is physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and receiving gifts.
Here is the interesting thing. You need to identify his top three. My top three are physical touch, words of affirmation and quality time. You dedicate most of your time in the relationship to those top three things. If you want to have a happy, long-lasting relationship with this guy, figure out his languages. Then, in a corner of your brain, understand the three most important languages to him. Think, “These are what I need to hit on a lot.” For example, if he likes physical touch, make sure you kiss and hug him a lot. Now that he’s committed to you, you can make love to him whenever you want. Those things are important to a guy.
But don’t do any of them too much. Physical touch is the most important for probably 80% of guys. If they’re saying something different, they’re just trying to save face. They’re probably lying to you. Physical touch is probably of most importance to most men out there. You don’t have to dedicate all of your time to satisfying his physical needs.
Again, there is this idea that he can grow complacent. He can grow comfortable with the fact that, “She’s going to consistently kiss me, hug me or have sex with me.” You need to spread your attention out through all of the five. I look at it as a percentage type of thing.
Out of 100%, you want to spend 70% of the time hitting on his top three qualities; physical touch, words of affirmation and quality time. Seventy percent of your effort goes into those three. Then 20% goes into acts of service. Then 10% goes into receiving gifts. That’s how I would play it. If you’re consistently hitting on physical touch but you’re not hitting on anything else, your relationship will suffer. I think he needs all these things to have a happy relationship.
That’s my advice to you, Shannon. It’s a quick snapshot of the advice. I did write an article a long time ago about what to do when you get your ex-boyfriend back and how to keep him. I will be sure to link to that in the show notes of this episode.
For those of you listening, if I were in your position trying to get an ex-boyfriend back and I stumbled upon Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, my advice would be to listen to all of the podcasts. Dissect all of the content. These podcasts are pretty good but they’re not anywhere as in depth as the articles I write. Those are probably the most important aspects of the website.
If you really want a step-by-step guide, pick up the book, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. That will act as your guidelines for getting your ex back. Don’t stop there. You need to get crazy with it and consume as much knowledge as you possibly can. This knowledge is tested and proven by you. You come to the website. You test it out. You show me what works and what doesn’t work. Then I tell you what works and what doesn’t work as a result of this.
Understanding and gaining that knowledge is very important. But even more important is executing what you’ve learned. Shannon did it. A lot of times, the difference between a woman who gets her ex-boyfriend back and a woman who doesn’t is, they both have the knowledge, but one person executes it and one person doesn’t.
Not everyone will get their ex back 100% of the time. It’s the nature of the beast. But they can improve their chances. That’s what Ex-Boyfriend Recovery is all about.
That’s going to do it for Episode 19. I’m really excited about this episode. This has been one of my favorites. From everyone here at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Nation, which is me, thank you for listening to this podcast. Please go to iTunes. Please subscribe. Please leave a review. We are desperate for those reviews right now.
If you like the way this podcast is laid out or you want your questions answered, please go to the contact page on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery in the show notes of this episode. You can leave me a voicemail. I can potentially feature you on the podcast. You don’t have to use your real name. I understand your need for privacy. You can give me a fake name if you want.
If you want your questions answered and you want me to look at your situation in a more in depth manor than I would if you were to leave a comment on one of the posts, shoot me a voicemail. If your situation hasn’t been covered, I’ll most likely choose you down the road. I can’t guarantee that I’ll get to you right then and there. But somewhere down the road, I will get to you.
This podcast works. Look, Shannon got her ex back. Congratulations, Shannon. I’m really happy for you. I wish you and your boyfriend the best in life.