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310 thoughts on “Get Your Boyfriend Back After A Fight”

  1. tehnia

    October 31, 2017 at 11:21 am

    Dear Amor,

    Can you help me please… I have left multiple comments and emails … to Chris but I do not get a response …. ir eally need your help please ….. help me.


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 9:24 pm

      Hi Tehnia,

      The emails are handlef by Leia, our team mate.. If you replied to those texts, restart the count and do at least 21 days and check this one:
      How To Take Charge Of Your Life After A Breakup (One Woman’s Incredible Story)
      And this one:
      Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate

  2. Dushee

    August 30, 2017 at 7:42 am

    Hi…one year back I went Dubai for a tour. During that time I met this good looking young Egyptian man and we fall on love. Once in every 3 months I visited Dubai only to see him and now it’s been one year for our relationship. For this whole past year we text each other almost daily and even we don’t stay in one country we were in so much love. 3 months back the commitment from his side started to get little… and the communication got so much less from his part. Several times I had so many issues with him cuz his lack of caring and reduced text. He always handled the every situation very patiently and never give up on me even I made so many issues for reduced texting. But I always see he is online chatting but not with me . Since I’m in another country it’s totally out of my control but he kept chatting with some other whole night but one or two texts only to me. And he asked me to come to him telling he has so many problems with his family and he is solving them online which I felt very sure was a big lie. So again I went to Dubai to him but even I come he was online all the time and when I ask he said it was his sister where I know very well not . Later I just catch up who it was and it was his cousin sister and they are in love. But he said never and said he loves only me. He never wanted to give up on me and her too. So I shouted and he went away from me telling our relationship is over coz I shouted. Then he blocked me in every way he could and was freely on chatting with her leaving me alone. I waited so many days alone in Dubai but he never came up. I got so pissed off coz I sacrificed my whole life only to him but he never took care of me telling I shouted and not trusting. After so many days I lost my patience on this liar and I went to his office and slapped him upfront of his friends. And after I come back to my room I contacted his cousin sister and she said they both are In love which they started only 2 months back. My heart broken. And she said that Egyptian telling he doesn’t want me anymore coz he loves his cousin sister only . I feel so heart broken… coz that man loved me so so dearly before that woman comes to his life. And now all gone… I shouted him… I hit him in front of his friends and he is so angry with me now. But I love him so so dearly and plz tell me is there any chance that I can win him back coz we were so much in love before that woman comes. But there are lot of shouting and hitting occurred…I just need to know is there any chance I can have him back

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 7:06 pm

  3. Maria

    August 17, 2017 at 11:06 am

    Hello… so my situation is very complecated (sorry for any grammatical errors). My bf of 2 months(i know it’s not a lot but it was beautiful) broke up with me because he didn’t love me anymore and of course i begged him for another chance but he didn’t gave me one…so i tried in so many ways to see him to talk but efen if he said yes he never wanted… the worst part is that…one night i saw him with a friend and i approached to him saying that i needed to talk at least 5 minutes. What he did was taking out his phone and putting on the timer… i tried again to convince him to try to go out with me (not even to be togheter) but he didn’t listen, he was very stressed and he continuosly was saying that i was too stubborn and didn’t understand that it was really over meanwile laughing about me and that i had useless feelings for him and that i need to move on…. so i just was so furious that i kick him in the ass and slapped him twice… so now i don’t even have a chance to be friend with him and he said clearly that he hates me and do not want to know anything about me….

  4. Lydia

    July 31, 2017 at 1:04 am

    My boyfriend and I who LIVE together recently “broke up” because of a huge drunken argument. It was scarring for both of us and the most hurtful things we’ve ever said to eachother were said. I begged him to give it time and space (I went to my parents for a few days) and he agreed. I came back one night and he seemed very bitter with me and ignored me. The next night after work I texted him when I got home (when he was still at work) asking if he had time tonight to come talk because I just needed someone to talk to about other life things and usually he’s the one that listens to me vent…. he replied that he’s quote on quote “not ready at all to give me any affection or sympathy right now.” And that I should go stay at my moms again. I explained that it’d be nice to stay at home again in my own bed. He said fine but he’s sleeping on the couch. I then replied saying that I get we hurt eachother and said awful things but there needs to come a time we start talking with respect, and that we shouldn’t continue to hurt eachother for the hell of it. He then replied “you’re acting like this is something that’s going to be looked past eventually, it’s not. Like this is over you know that right?” I was at a loss for words because I thought we were taking space like he agreed. I then reacted with my emotions and sent a bunch of texts pleading and begging and doing all that I shouldn’t have! The only two replies after that was “I’m not giving in anymore. This is a repetitive cycle and it’s unhealthy for the both of us. This needs to be done” and “not doing this. Stop messaging me please” so I then continued sending emotional reactive messages til I finally said “I’m going back to my moms for a bit. Please don’t text me unless you need to talk” … we didn’t just end because of the big fight, but that was definitely the trigger. We fight quite often but weeks before the big drunken fight we had addressed ways to quit fighting so much so I do dont get why he wouldn’t throw the towel in over the big drunken fight. It’s been 3 days since those messages and I’ve been at my moms again since. He won’t man up and say we’re done to my face, he won’t talk about anything to my face, he hasn’t unfollowed or deleted me on social media, and we haven’t addressed living situations since we still live together. I don’t know what to do! IS it really over or do I have a chance to get him back? The mixed signals he’s giving is exhausting help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 31, 2017 at 4:12 pm

  5. Upasana

    July 19, 2017 at 7:17 pm


    I had a big fight last month with my boyfriend of 3 years wherein I had said something really mean and hurting things to him in anger which I did not mean at all. I even apologised to him many times and tried to reason with him. But he said he lost all respect and love for me as he didnt expect me to react that way to a particular situation. When probed further, he told me it is not just this incident but all the past incidents where we had fought due to one reason or the other (mostly with me expecting certain things from him), came back to him haunting. He says he has lost all hope to spend his life with me, we were all set to get married next year. We tried a two week break which I could not implement successfully for most part of the time but ended up texting and calling him. Today he told me he is absolutely sure he wants to end this and doesnt want anymore time to think. After much convincing, he has finally agreed for another month of taking ‘space’ and time, but I dont know if I should have any hopes. Please help and advise what should I do 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 23, 2017 at 5:40 pm

      Hi Upasana,

      Are you in no contact period now?

  6. Nayantara

    July 11, 2017 at 4:56 pm

    Hey. Me and My boyfriend were dating 10 months and were in a long distance relationship. Being an LDR, we used to fight a lot since our relationship started as LDR only but he used to come to meet me atleast for good 6-7 days every month and that’s how I realized we fit together like pieces of puzzles. Now recently we have been fighting a lot since he got a new job and instead of moving to my city, he is moving to some other city. So after that we came to a mutual decision that I will also move to the city he is moving in. Now, we had a big fight recently just first day before his job and he started ignoring me for days and in which, I continuously texted him and said a few mean things like I knew he was sleeping around and all. He got too angry and blocked me everywhere. So after getting furious, I contacted his sister to look into the matter as I am moving to his city and things would get (as we always hoped) but somehow, she also took his side and asked me to give him space and all. Now, what should I do? I’m taking this big step to make our relationship REAL and less complicated and he doesn’t want me, what does it mean?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2017 at 1:06 pm

      He’s tired of the fights.. When are you moving there?

  7. reb

    May 31, 2017 at 7:18 pm

    My boyfriend and i have been dating for 4 months, about 11 days ago we got into a big argument and it was over text message. he said that i because i could tell him how much i’ve been there for him when we get in an argument that i was arrogant and that i will never change. against better judgement i begged him and sent him a bunch of text messages trying to explain myself. All he did was read them with no reply and blocked me on snapchat. We had little tiffs before an he usually cools off quickly but this is the longest amount of time of me not talking to him. I’ve had no choice but to reflect on myself and truly see the error of why ways. How do I show him ive made the strides to change and acknowledge that I was wrong. He’s stubborn and sensitive and when hurt just runs from the problem instead of talking about it and moving on. I dont want to feel as if im forcing him to make nice if hes not ready but i’m truly sorry and would love for him to see how much impact his love and pain has on making me a better woman not only for him but for myself. i love him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 1, 2017 at 5:03 pm

      Hi Reb,

      start the count for the no contact period after this and start improving yourself, and being active in posting in social media too..

  8. Natalie

    May 24, 2017 at 8:10 am

    Hi Amor,

    So I am dating this guy for about 8 months and lately we have been arguing a lot. After every argument he says that he is not sure about me and he thinks we should break up. I am tired of hearing this.

    Last night after a fight he said that he is not sure about me and that he doesnt have time for these fights in his life and broke up with me. I tried to convince him to give another chance but he didnt listen.

    Today he had a dental treatment, so I called to ask how did it go, we spoke for 5 minutes and then I hung up. Should I call and check on him every few days because it is a prolonged treatment or should I do NC.
    I want this break up threat to stop after every fight. What should I do?


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 25, 2017 at 5:29 pm

      what do you do after every fight? were you always the one chasing him? If you are, do you want to try being more focused in yourself and in your activities? Have your own life. Be an ungettable girl.

  9. Joe

    May 12, 2017 at 8:53 am

    Hii I m Joe…Me n my boyfrnd were in a relationship for 4years…last Sunday we had a fight..it’s jus misunderstanding…he warned me that he dont want me anymore…I have been texting him…but no response still.it’s killing me literally …what should I do? Plz tell me…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 12, 2017 at 7:43 pm

      give him space..let him be for now

  10. Emily

    April 23, 2017 at 5:24 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. On Friday everything was going well until I asked him if he wants to go with me to see this guy that was my co-worker. He said no, but he obviously seemed pissed, because there were rumours that I liked my co-worker before. However, he told me he’s not pissed, but then I thought he was and was worried for the whole morning. I had quite a bad day so I started yelling at him saying don’t try to fuck around with me if you’re not pissed, but then he said he was actually jealous and it just got into a big fight, and he went silent for 40 minutes sitting beside me and I kept asking him why he’s not talking to me. And then suddenly he started saying stuff like he thinks dating is boring and tiring and being single is better, I apologized to him, he said it wasn’t me, it’s him. I tried to make him change his mind but eventually I left because he seemed very determined. We didn’t talk for a day, and yesterday he messaged me saying sorry for making such a sudden decision and hope I find someone better, and I said I still miss him. He said sorry, he’s being a jerk but we can just be friends. So I gave up trying to convince him, but deep down I still really, really want him back. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 29, 2017 at 7:37 pm

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  11. Danielle

    March 25, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    Hi, I’m Danielle. The man I’ve been with we weren’t exactly together but was working on it. We have been off and on for the past 3 years and had a child together about a year ago and he has a very strong independent character (ex military type) that has a hard time expressing good emotions. I’m the sensitive type and romantic type and I’ve always been head over heals crazy love about him but I never feel it back. We have had fights in the past and recently we strayed couples therapy and we were going absolutely great for 3 weeks straight then we missed two sessions with the therapist because of appointments and very recently had a fight that ended in police involvement. I feel now that it was unnecessary and it shouldn’t of gone that far and I don’t want it to be the end, but I have no idea how to fix it at this point. Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 26, 2017 at 1:25 pm

      Hi Danielle,

      aside from the advice above, check the links below:
      How Do I Prevent My Boyfriend From Ending Our Relationship

      The Ungettable Girl

  12. misha

    March 21, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    we were in relationship from last 2 years even after 1 year after every fight he said leave me leave me………….but this time we had bad bad fight and he is not agree for patchup I messaged him many time ,go to his house he asked me to leave his house,he said I don’t want to sex wid you if u will be here ,we will sex and saying we can be friend but we can not be in relationship now what should i do i ma very disturbed.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2017 at 11:30 am

      Hi Misha,

      dont be friends with benefits with him..do the no contact rule

  13. Ally

    February 23, 2017 at 6:52 pm


    I’ve been dating my boyfriend long distance, for about a year. A few days ago we got in a disagreement. It first started with me being upset with him for forgetting our anniversary. He said he was sorry and super stressed work.
    This led to me saying that he can always talk to me about it, but he insisted he didn’t want to worry me before he goes into deployment. This is where things took a turn for the worse. I mentioned that I don’t like to tell him certain things that I know are going to add to his stress.
    He told me that maybe we should take a break until he’s done with the military. I left him at least 7 messages and then I realized the conversation was over. He’s been ignoring me ever since. I have no idea what to do. Would no contact even work in this situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 23, 2017 at 9:44 pm

      Hi Ally,

      There’s no guarantee that it will work, you just have to try.

  14. Miranda

    February 21, 2017 at 5:54 pm


    I had wrote a very long detailed comment explaining my situation. It said it was waiting for a response, but it hasn’t shown up on here? Not sure if it was responded to?

    1. Miranda

      February 26, 2017 at 8:53 pm

      I’m continuing to improve myself! I’ve been in the gym as much as I can which is something I used to love to do and I’m finally getting a sense of my identity back instead of worrying about what my ex is up to. I’m also on day 20 of no contact. I hope my response to his friend was okay. Even though the last time I spoke to my ex, we were both angry. I have nothing bad to say about him and I made sure I wasn’t negative in any aspect when his friend messaged me. Thanks for all your help! If I need more help, I’m sure you’ll be hearing from me again!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2017 at 9:38 pm

      That’s very good! Keep it up even after nc. I’ll wait for your update!

    3. Miranda

      February 26, 2017 at 2:00 am

      Amor! Sorry to keep bombarding you with questions, but the other day after I submitted my most recent comment. Out of the blue I heard from one of my exes best friends via Facebook (his best friend and I are still friends on Facebook and he isn’t a member of the band and he’s also a positive sober role model in my ex’s life) he reached out to me to tell me that he is looking out for my ex and wanted me to know that because he was told I was worried about him. Now the only way he would have possibly heard that is from speaking to my ex! I responded by thanking him and telling him that my ex is an amazing person when he is sober. I also told him that I do miss my ex, but he has to work on himself and I mentioned that I was working on myself and enjoying things that I used to as well as keeping busy. His friend responded and said that my ex is lost and needs to figure out what he wants and needs and needs to find himself again. He said if we are meant to be together he will come back once he figures his life out and I need to give him space which I told him
      I haven’t spoke to him since the 6th. Should I just take this message with a grain of salt? Do you think my ex was trying to check up on me indirectly? Thanks so much!

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2017 at 7:20 pm

      It’s ok! You can ask anytime. yes, he can be checking in on you.. but whether he is checking in on you or not, what you said to his friend will reach your ex, because of course, he’s going to relay that. So, just continue improving yourself.

    5. Miranda

      February 24, 2017 at 2:50 am

      Thanks for all the advice

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 24, 2017 at 2:42 pm

      You’re welcome Miranda!

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2017 at 10:58 pm

      Hi Miranda,

      it’s still in moderation in mine, I just haven’t reached it. Did you mean it totally disappeared in yours?

      Try at least 30 days.. continue to be active in improving yourself and being active in posting. Hopefully after nc, he has cooled down.

  15. Miranda

    February 21, 2017 at 12:22 am


    My ex boyfriend and I were dating for 3 months. At the same time we started dating he had joined a band. He stated when we started dating that he was sober for 2 years and didn’t drink. I was totally fine with that and actually admired him for it. Fast forward 6 weeks and I noticed that he had started to drink when he was with the band. This concerned me because I noticed how his personality would change. (I would go to his shows and not drink to be supportive) I didn’t want to fight about this issue, but I felt that it needed to be brought up and I told him my concerns. He told me he was going to stop drinking. For the next several weekends nothing changed and we continued to argue about this issue. I finally said that I would no longer be attending his shows on the weekend. (What I don’t see won’t hurt me) I stood my ground and didn’t attend the next show. Two days prior to me boycotting his show he asked me if I wanted to meet his family and I was so happy. I met them and everything went well. His mom even added me on Facebook. He’s told me that he loves me also and explained the exact moment that he knew he loved me. Fast forward a to that Sunday and we were supposed to go to the movies. He was with the band the night before and was late coming over. I was very cold towards him and asked him whether or not he wanted to be with me and he said yes, he just wanted to stop fighting. I told him that we needed to resolve the big issue (the only issue) that we’ve been having regarding the drinking. And he simply stated he wanted to just not fight. The whole next week he was being a little distant, but I brushed it off. The night I was supposed to go to his show, he broke up with me. He stated that he was so stressed out with everything and he is very uncertain about our future and that he feels uncertainty isn’t a good thing. I then called him and of course let my emotions get the best of me. He stated he will never feel the way he felt about me the way he did in the beginning. My friend saw how distraught I was and asked his ex if this is a pattern with him and of course it is. His ex unfortunately told him that my friend contacted her. He texted me and said that I need to accept that we aren’t together and now he’s angry and we need to maintain our space. I responded and said he needs to get his life together and become sober and grow up (not the nicest thing to say 🙁 ) but I was angry. He broke up with me January 27th and texted me with the angry text on february 6th. I haven’t reached out or heard from him since. I would like to think this can be resolved. I know the person he can be and how he was in the first 6 weeks of our relationship. I want to do NC, but I don’t know for how long? We aren’t friends on Facebook anymore, but my posts are public. He looks like he’s having so much fun without me in his life. Do I have any chance at all? Please help!

    1. Miranda

      March 15, 2017 at 3:07 pm

      Thanks Amor! I’m hoping she is just a rebound. I think his frame of mind is that she is equal to where he is in life right now. I bought PRO. I didn’t text him yet, because she knows that I’m upset that they are speaking and I’m sure she told him and he’s eating that up. I don’t want to jump the gun and look desperate. He couldn’t even look at me when I saw him on Saturday. Do you think he feels guilt for breaking up with me and that’s why he can’t acknowledge me? Also, how long do you think I should wait to contact him so it doesn’t seem suspicious?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2017 at 3:56 pm

      yeah he can be feeling guilty..maybe he just doesn’t know what to say.. wait 3-5 days

    3. Miranda

      March 13, 2017 at 6:55 pm

      Hi Amor,

      My update isn’t a good one. I saw my ex for the first time on Saturday. He is “talking on a regular basis” to a girl that he knows I’m friends with. Which I think on both of their parts is messed up. I told her I thought it was messed up and she said it just kind of happened. I completed the 30 day nc. I’ve been improving myself. I’ve been in the gym 4 days a week. Me and this girl are polar opposites. She doesn’t have a job and she likes to party all the time. She’s also only 22. I’m 26 and my ex is going to be 28. I’m lost at what to do at this point. I really thought or I’m still hopeful that one day he will get back to how he was in the beginning, but now I’m having doubts. Do you think this is the grass is greener syndrome? Is there any hope for me and him in the future?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2017 at 2:41 pm

      if she is less than you then she’s more likely a rebound but right now, do what you can control which is building rapport.. Start with that..

    5. Miranda

      February 23, 2017 at 6:22 pm

      That’s the problem…I don’t want to be friends with him. I want him back. I want to believe that he loved me. I don’t know if he is just going through a phase of partying and falling back into old patterns…He’s very stubborn so if I don’t hear from him after NC, would you suggest I reach out to him? I just don’t want to push him further away. I think at the end of the day, he didn’t want to keep fighting over his drinking with the band and decided that if he broke up with me his problem would be solved. I’m stubborn as well and I know I’ll be able to handle the last 2 weeks of this NC period and even longer if I need to. I would rather him reach out to me, but I don’t know how to accomplish that l?

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 23, 2017 at 9:50 pm

      Just to be clear, the problems wouldn’t go away. Especially if that’s something that he is the only one who has control with. That’s why we need to have standards, because we can’t control other people. We have to let go of the ones who don’t fit those standards. It’s ok to initiate nc, just be the one to end the conversation at high point. And you’re just starting out friendly, and then build rapport and attraction on the way. If you want him to initiate, set a limit until when you would wait before moving on.

    7. Miranda

      February 22, 2017 at 2:02 am

      Thanks Amor! I can now see it. If I don’t hear from him after 30 days and I continue to see him posting that he’s having so much fun with the band and his friends….do I just give up and move on? I found out yesterday he’s even spending time with a younger girl who is a mutual friend. Now I’m very upset. I joined the gym and have been working on myself and getting back to things that I enjoy, but I miss him. I don’t know if he’s relapsing and just wants to party and be single or if he actually did love me? That’s what I’m really struggling with. Any other suggestions would be great! Thanks!

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 22, 2017 at 10:31 pm

      If he’s moving on, the more reason he should see you are too. So, that after nc, he would be willing to take a chance on being friends again.

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2017 at 10:58 pm

      Hi Miranda,

      it’s still in moderation in mine, I just haven’t reached it. Did you mean it totally disappeared in yours?

      Try at least 30 days.. continue to be active in improving yourself and being active in posting. Hopefully after nc, he has cooled down.

  16. DivineD

    January 30, 2017 at 1:26 am


    I was dating a guy for the last 3 months. We had really great chemistry, conversation, and genuinely enjoyed one another’s company.

    We began having disagreements over little things, but he saw it as a BIG deal where I did not. We agreed to work on continuing to date and see if things would get better. Overall they did, but there were also instances where I chose not to go back and forth with him.

    We are both analytical / realistic individuals and sometimes we both just want to be right. He’s offered the you can be happy or be right theory but I do feel I shouldn’t always be the one to compromise.

    Last weekend was his birthday, I planned 3 surprises – a present, a class, and a massage.
    He didn’t care for the present which was a beard growth kit. He said he felt products could be more of a scam as opposed to really working. The class was kickboxing – he hated he questioned why I would sign someone up for that sort of class ? To me it was fun and different. I apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. The massage he loved.
    The next day he couldn’t keep his hands off me while we were out. Mainly because of my outfit and it accentuating my curves. He asked for a photo and upon receiving it said he didn’t want to see the photo on social media. I told him he needed to decide if we should continue in the situationship or go into a monogamous relationship. He agreed.

    The next day we had a difference in opinion on splitting a bill for a restaurant later on in the week. I told him it’s a fine dining restaurant and I didn’t want to do that there. I said I can get just pay and he can get the movie (that day). I also added that it seemed tacky to me to split a bill in a 5 star restaurant and I didn’t want to be THAT couple.
    After the movin everything was fine and we got to discussing our plans together for the week. He wanted to confirm the restaurant and us spending time over the weekend.
    Now…he wasn’t in the best financial predicament but I didn’t allow it to halt my dating him. However – he basically explained his finances were about to get worse. I knew he’d rely heavily on me. So I asked if he given thought to us being committed ? He said he thought about it everyday. 80% of what we have is great. But then we have tiffs. He began to bring up instances of disagreements and how they did not sit well with him. He also brought up that he didn’t like how I may purposely not respond immediately to his text if he takes forever in texting me back (says he was genuinely busy).

    Long story really short – I decided to suggest we go our separate ways. I said he should date someone who he can have peaches and cream with since he focuses so much on the minor “disagreements”. He disagreed, but ultimately said we want the same things, we see value in one another, our timing on when a relationship should occur is just different.

    I didn’t want to hear it. We would spend so much time together, he did everything a boyfriend would minus the title. I didnt meet his friends nor his family. He hadn’t met mine either. He did say he loved me and wanted to marry me.

    It’s been 6 days of no contact. He has not tried to reach out to me. I would love to continue seeing him, but only if he wanted a commitment and could look past the small stuff.

    What do you recommend ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2017 at 3:02 pm

      Hi Divine d,

      maybe for him.the arguments are too much when you’ve only been dating for 3 months.. I think both of you needs this nc to think..

  17. mirabel

    November 8, 2016 at 7:25 am


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 11, 2016 at 4:14 pm

      Hello Mirabel

  18. Cara

    October 23, 2016 at 10:12 pm

    Hi, this site is awesome. I am having trouble understanding the concept of “moving on without really moving on”…..for instance, Chris says to move on and do things like improve your life, post on facebook so your ex sees it, not dwell on the break up but act like you are moving on. But then he’s also said that the most successful ones are the ones that have moved on from their exes and then suddenly their exes appear in the picture again. It’ s hard to conceptualize moving on without moving on because for me, if I decide to move on from a guy, I am never taking them back….in my mind. It’s not a black and white concept or way of being. IT’s like being in limbo still. I am trying to move on from a guy but in the back of my mind, I am trying to improve myself and be a better person so that he also notices. Please help me understand and apply this concept.

    1. Cara

      October 24, 2016 at 12:36 am

      I just thought of a good analogy to explain my question on how to move on,
      To me it ‘s like picking a scab while also hoping it heals…and it’s like going in opposite directions.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 25, 2016 at 3:07 pm

      Hi Cara,

      it’s like preparing to move on.. you’ll heal, improve and be more rational..that way, when you try to rebuild rapport, you’re coming from more rational point of view.. So, when you’re talking, you’re just having fun, not demanding.. like a restart and when it’s not working, you’ll be able to walk away instead of chase..

      Women who choose to move on and got their ex back is more likely because they’ve become the ungettable girl..they’ve improved and they’ve let go..when they talk to their ex, it’s just for fun and then they go back to their lives again and focus in that.. therefore the guy sees them as a challenge and less of a responsibility

  19. Lisa

    October 5, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    so ive been coming to this site for a few weeks now and its kind of like a support person without the talking. without going in to to much detail my b/f and i started seeing each other last Chrsitmas (2015). we saw each other and became offically tigether in May 2016. (we’d known each other for a few years before and i’d always known i loved him, but timing wasnt great for either). Whe we bgan seeing each other he received some news that triggered a bit of a melt down in him, 6 months later his favorite uncle (like a father0 passed away which sent the minor melt down in to a catestrphic meld down over. ober about 3 motnhs he spiraled out of control and ultimatly got him self in to strife with the police. once that happened he pushed me away, he avoided me and bascially cut me off with out any reason.
    I perissted for 3 weeks after (when we did speak he’d tell me we were still together and that we’d be fine he just needed time and space to work out what was going on) so i tried to give himthat space but like most i wasnt very good at it. it reached boiling point for me when i lost a friend very suddenly and he’s responce was about himself. He didnt ask if i were ok or anything, he just basically ignored what was going on. so i texted him going off a himand called it quits.
    I had tried to speak to mutal friends of our about him and he’s situation, attampting to get some kind of answer and i may have said way to much. My b/f is fiercly private and ive given up quiet a bit of personal information that if i could take back i would. I realised that these “mutal” friends where not friends of mine and gave up everything i’d said and asked to my b/f.
    I have attempted N/C o few times now but as i said before im not very good at it.
    I do see him out socially as we still have some mutual friends and still frequent the same venues. the last time i saw him (last friday 30th sept 2016) i thought he was with another girl and publicly went ballistic, thus, embarrassing him and myself in the process. After messaging him to apolgise for my emotional outburst he responded with “how dare you speak to my friend like that and to f*** off; which he has never done or said to me before. So now more in a damage control sort of way i am adament of the n/c …
    i’ve limited all my audiences on social media (he hasnt de-friended me or blocked me…all he’s done is hide pictures of he and I from his time line although he is still tagged in them ???)
    Ive started a new job in the time we have been seperated and so as far as my social media portarys im living life great. I have every intention of avoiding the mutual venues although that will mean also avoiding friends. I have planned a weekend away for my self in a few weeks which is hopefully going to give me the clarity and time to breath i need….I about to strt a fitness group for a 10 week thing….
    ive never wanted children or to settle down (im 33 and he is 36; he has 2 teenage boys) but he was the one that made me consider it, he made me think that it may not be as bad as i think it will be, espessially when we had family time with his boys…
    i guess my question is; and you will probebly simply tell me what i already know but need validation too…
    is there anything else i can do (besides not going emotionally ballistic and unstable when and if i see him out) that i am not already doing.
    my n/c has only really been since Friday night/ saturday morning so not even a week. some days are ok (when i busy busy) but others are horrific, what can i do on those days that will help me through, bsides coming here and reading everything all over again….
    cheers and thanks
    Lisa (Australia)

    1. Lisa

      October 11, 2016 at 8:43 am

      thank you. It looks like i have to start the n/c over again though. I let emotion get the better of me and texted nhim telling him how much i miss him. having a “go to” distaction will be good for those moments where i feel that little bit weaker.
      cheers and thanks

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 4:52 pm

      You’re welcome! You can do it!

    3. Lisa

      October 5, 2016 at 12:32 pm

      my apologies for the typos. I think quickly and its a little difficult to type and keep up with my thoughts…also if i’d typed slower i would probebly have deleted my comment/question as i have done so several times over the past few weeks and not submitted it.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 7, 2016 at 2:22 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      check this one for what to do during no contact:
      EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant
      and you have to be strong if ever you bump into him.. Remember, he thinks you’re crazy about him, so influence his thinking by handling every situation with in the most emotionally mature way you can.

  20. Jill

    October 3, 2016 at 9:46 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years ever since senior year of high school but recently we have been arguing a ton and his mom doesn’t like me anymore. His mom is recently divorced with a new boyfriend who I personally don’t like. They had a barbecue and her boyfriend got all weird with me so I told him to back the “f” off. She didn’t like that very much. So now his mom doesn’t like me. And that puts a strain on the relationship. The last time I talked to hmy ex was a week ago when we broke up. He told me he loved me, I was his best friend, and he told me he was depressed he lost his soul mate and all this other stuff. I don’t know why he did it!!! He told me at first he wanted to break up because we were not right for each other and then he said he needed space and only time will tell. I’m not talking to him since I am upset we had life plans together.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 6, 2016 at 9:10 am

      Hi Jill,

      I think it’s because he cant defend to his mom.. the only way it could work is either he talks to his mom or let her be in the meantime.. in your case, it would be better to focus in improving yourself during no contact

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