By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 24th, 2021

All over the world women want to know one thing.

How the heck can they get a guy to chase them? Today I’m going to teach you six of my best tips on how to accomplish that goal.

Perhaps the best part is that you won’t have to manipulate your man at all to get him to chase you.

I’m simply going to teach you the methods that I’ve been teaching to my clients for seven years that have been getting them results.

Are you ready?

The 6 Fastest Ways To Get A Man To Chase You

I want you to think of me as a spy who can tell you what’s going on in the mind of the guy you are falling for.

Generally speaking, what would work on me would work on any guy you are going after. So, before I start blowing your mind with concepts you’ve probably never heard before, I’d like to make a pact with you.

I promise to tell you everything that is going on in your man’s head. In other words, even if the “truth” is something that no one else will tell you, I assure you, I will.


Okay, before we get started, here is a list of the strategies you should employ to get your guy chasing you.

1. Accept That The Daydream Effect Is Everything
2.. Adopt The Mindset: “You Have To Be Willing To Lose The Guy To Get The Guy”
3. Understand The Science Of Playing Hard To Get
4. Be 70% Transparent With Him
5. Find A Way To Make Him Scared He’ll Lose You Forever
6. Create A Sense Of Urgency Through Scarcity

I know it can seem like a lot but don’t be overwhelmed I’m going to take you through this list step by step.

Let’s begin!

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Tip #1: The Daydream Effect Is Everything

Making a guy chase you is not as easy as you think. When I think back on my life there are literally only a handful of women that I have actively chased.

Usually, I’d fail in my chase… but that is a story for another time.

Overall, when I think back on the girls I’ve chased, there is one consistency that comes to mind, The Daydream Effect.

So, what is this?

The Daydream Effect: The feeling you get when you find yourself constantly daydreaming about the potential of a relationship with the target of your affections and what a future with them might look like.

I’ll point out, I married the last person that I daydreamed about.

I remember the experience very clearly.

I would think about what she would look like walking.

I’d picture what it would be like to wake up next to her.

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I’d spend hours daydreaming about what it would be like to go on adventures together.

I’d even find myself just thinking about the way she smells.

It seemed like for a while my entire existence was consumed by thinking about her!

That’s the power of The Daydream Effect.

The feeling can be so strong that it can make most men take drastic action. Such as:

  • Asking you out on a date
  • Kissing you
  • Asking you to be their girlfriends
  • Sometimes even asking you marry them
  • So, how do you create the “daydream effect?”

It’s actually really easy.

You have to cultivate a desirable image that your guy feels like he can’t ever achieve.

A Real Life Example Of The Daydream Effect

Like I said before, my wife was the last person that had this impact on me.

I want to get really candid and tell you exactly how she did it.

So, to give you some quick background on our relationship we actually met through friends on Facebook.

I lived in Texas and she lived in Pennsylvania.Already, you can see the distance divide that bled into me not having her.

The first time I noticed her was on Christmas Day. Someone had posted a video of her as she was giving her niece a gift.

Weirdly enough, I still remember how great her posture was and how she almost seemed more excited to give the gift than to receive any gifts herself.

Which, if I’m being totally honest, is nothing like me.

I remember thinking,

“Now that is the type of girl you marry.”

She was obviously very attractive and had all these incredible pictures up on Facebook.

I would look at those pictures and just daydream about what it would be like to have her on my arm.

She was always really easy to talk to, but I always got the sense that she was out of my league. Sometimes, I would even get jealous of the pictures that she had taken with other attractive men in the past.

Everything about her just made her seem more like an Alpha.

Next to her, I felt like a Beta.

She was sweet too! She had an incredible personality, too! And yet, somehow, I always felt that she was better than me.

It’s been said,

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“Men don’t daydream about finding coal. They daydream about finding gold.”

Well, I felt like I had found gold.

I daydreamed every single day that I would get a chance to talk to her.

I got butterflies in my stomach all of the time. It didn’t help that I was constantly checking out her Facebook profile.

She had cultivated the ideal image of what I wanted in a woman.

Make of that what you will.

Tip #2: You Have To Be Willing To Lose The Guy To Get The Guy

If you really think about it, business and relationships have a lot in common.

They are both about leverage,

Generally speaking, whoever has the leverage ends up with the better outcome.

For relationships, that leverage would be not caring enough to stay or being willing to walk away.

In my real life example above with The Daydream Effect I mentioned that I daydreamed about my wife. The primary motivation behind all of that daydreaming was the fact that I felt like she was way out of my league.

Why did I feel that way?

Well, I felt like she would have more options, if we both tried to get someone else. And I felt like she was more than willing to lose me at the beginning.

That’s the basis of what it took to make me feel like she was out of my league.

Most of the women I work with (coaching) are too afraid to lose the guys they want to chase them.

They put so much of their emotions into the basket with this one guy that it actually gives him power over them.

If you want a guy to chase you, you have to be willing to lose that guy.

You can’t put him on a pedestal like he is some god.

He’s a human being and replaceable.

Beyoncé was on to something with her song “Irreplaceable”

You have to realize, it’s not him that is irreplaceable.

It’s you!

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Most women are too afraid to take that risk, but it’s a risk that you always have to take to get the outcome you want.

Here’s the craziest part, when you do finally take the plunge and adopt this mindset it allows you to look at things in a new way.

But, just pretending won’t be enough.

You actually have to be willing to lose your guy forever.

Tip #3: Understand The Science Of Playing Hard To Get

Thus far, I’ve only been talking about “feelings” and “emotions.”

Now, I’d like to switch gears and talk a little bit about science.

Specifically, I want to talk about the science of playing hard to get.

There’s a percentage of women that believe you shouldn’t play games with someone you care about to get them to chase you or to make them fall in love with you.

I understand that. But, from my point of view, it isn’t my job to debate the morality of these tactics with you.

It’s my job to present the facts about what works and allow you to decide to whether to use what I give you or not.

So, what I’m about to cover here might rub people the wrong way but I don’t want you to let that ruin it for you.

Playing hard to get works and it works extremely well.

That is a pretty bold statement, I know. But, I actually have the science to back it up.

There are two principles that will prove my point.

1. The Theory of Reactance
2. The Uncertainty Principle

Both of these psychological principles can be used to prove that playing hard to get actually works.

Let’s tackle the Theory of Reactance first.

Playing Hard To Get And The Theory Of Reactance

If you didn’t already know reactance is something I talk a lot about with regards to the No Contact Rule.

Here’s the gist.

Theory of Reactance: Human beings have certain behavioral freedoms and when they feel one of those behavioral freedoms come under attack they react in a way to get that freedom back.

How does it help us for our purposes?

If a guy feels like you will always be there then that behavioral freedom will become set in his mind. He will expect you to be there no matter what he does.

However, when you “play hard to get” that behavioral freedom gets interrupted and it makes him more likely to try to get that freedom back.

In a perfect world you can create a reactance pattern which looks something like this,

Essentially you switch from making your guy feel like he has you and then doing something to make him feel like he doesn’t have you.

The Uncertainty Principle And Playing Hard To Get

If you feel like the Theory of Reactance wasn’t enough to “sell” you on playing hard to get perhaps this next concept will.

The Uncertainty Principle: A psychological theory that proves human beings tend to obsess about “uncertain variables” as opposed to “certain variables.”

The Uncertainty Principle was made famous for it’s rat experiment which I talk about in this video,

Essentially two rats were made to go through two mazes.

One was very simple,


You can’t get any simpler than that.

And the other maze was very complex,

If the rats completed the maze they got cheese.

Scientists wanted to determine if certain variables had more impact than uncertain principles. Interestingly enough, they found that the rat with the easy maze didn’t initially eat the cheese it found at the end of its maze.

This contrasted with the rat in the other more complicated maze as it devoured the cheese upon finding it.

Scientists believe that the rat with the certainty of cheese found the cheese less attractive than the one who had to work to get the cheese.

Men are kind of like that.

They tend to value that which they don’t have or what they have to work for.

Tip #4: Be 70% Transparent With Him

Now, you may be sitting there and wondering how you can go about “playing hard to get” or creating enough mystery to make him intrigued.

I’d like to introduce you to my 70/30 rule.

Have you ever seen the movie, “Hitch?”

There’s this scene in there where Will Smith’s character talks about the 90/10 rule when he is trying to teach a guy how to kiss a girl.

The 70/30 rule is a little like that, except it’s all about transparency.

With tip #3 I discussed the importance of “playing hard to get” but I really didn’t cover how you should go about doing that.

The best thing you can do is create a little mystery by holding a little bit of yourself back.

Dating is like playing emotional chess.

The biggest mistake that most women make is that they throw themselves into relationships full force and don’t hold anything back.

Normally, this wouldn’t be that big of an issue, except that when the feelings aren’t reciprocated the hurt is amplified ten times over.

Not to mention, no guy is going to be attracted to a woman that he feels like he knows everything about.

Consider the difference between being in the friend zone and being a girlfriend.

Often if you are in the friend zone your guy knows everything about you already.

Girlfriends can be the same way however they don’t give everything up right away.

Look at it like this.

If you let the object of your affection see 70% of yourself right off the bat but then you progressively allow him to peel back the layers on the extra 30% it’s so much more intriguing.

Why do we get wrapped up in mystery stories?

Often, it is for this very reason.

We want to find out what happens next.

You need to create this phenomenon with a guy if you want him to chase you.

Tip #5: Find A Way To Make Him Feel He Will Lose You Forever

A few tips ago I talked about the importance of adopting the mindset that you have to be willing to lose the guy to get the guy.

This is the other side of the coin.

In my research I’ve found that there are six factors that generally make men commit.

  1. Satisfaction
  2. Alternatives
  3. Investment
  4. Scarcity
  5. Urgency
  6. Fear of Loss

Now, I don’t have time to talk about every single one of these factors, but I would like to focus on one of them today, Fear of Loss

Fear of Loss: A sense of loss within a man that makes him realize your value.

As human beings we have this pesky quality of taking things for granted.

Often, it’s only when we think that we are about to lose something forever that we have begin to realize its true value.

Now, I’m going to end this tip a bit prematurely because really tip #5 and tip #6 blend together.

Tip #6: Create A Sense of Urgency Through Scarcity

Scarcity is really just another way of showing the man that you want to chase you that you are a hot commodity.

Having other men enter the competition for your heart is essential if you want a guy to chase you.


With tip #5 I talked about the importance of instituting a Fear of Loss.

But how?

Well, often that’s by convincing the man you want to chase you that another man can swoop you off your feet.

This creates an urgent reason for commitment.

Now, I’ve seen women completely mess this advice up by making out with another guy in front of the guy they really want.

Less is more here.

It doesn’t take a lot of jealousy to get stirred so don’t play with fire just yet. If he simply thinks that there might be a possibility that you’ll be off the market soon, your value will go up in his eyes. He’ll have to get to you first.

What Have We Learned?

So, lets take a look at what we’ve learned so far.

We used some words that are staples in ExBoyfrend Recovery. Let’s talk about what those mean.

The Daydream Effect: Making the guy you’re after daydreaming about the potential of a relationship with you and what a future with you might look like by being Ungettable. (see Articles about being Ungettable, we have hundreds of them)

Lose The Guy To Get The Guy: Being willing to lose the guy you’re after. The feeling that you might actually be over him creates a vacuum between you that will make him chase after you. You know what they say, “Nature abhors a vacuum.” Well, men don’t like feeling like they lose.

The Science Of Playing Hard To Get: The idea of Playing Hard to Get isn’t new to you, I’m sure. but, most people don’t do it correctly. (If you haven’t watched the video on the Push/Pull Method, you should. It shows the correct way to play hard to get.)

The Theory of Reactance: Human beings have certain behavioral freedoms and when they feel one of those behavioral freedoms come under attack they react in a way to get that freedom back. In easier terms, our brains expect people to be consistent. When they don’t, we are driven to act. Thus, a reaction.

The Uncertainty Principle: A psychological theory that proves human beings tend to obsess about “uncertain variables” as opposed to “certain variables.”

The 70/30 Rule: The art of holding back. Like with Hitch, you only want to do some of the work and you only want to make a portion of who you are available to him. Develop some mystery and make him work for the rest. Never let him have everything… even after you’ve caught him.

Fear of Loss: A sense of loss within a man that makes him realize your value. You can do this by using the Push/Pull Method and Scarcity

Scarcity: Remind the guy you’re after that there is only one of you by letting him see that there are other options out there for you. REMINDER: do this gently. You don’t want to wave this in his face or he will lose his sense of trust in you. After you get him, he’ll think you’re always looking elsewhere. So, gently.

Armed with these key terms and the tips laid out in this article, you should be able to get him chasing after you in no time.

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14 thoughts on “Fastest Tips To Get A Guy To Chase You”

  1. Serena

    December 25, 2021 at 5:52 am

    I think this man I really like is doing this to me. And it’s working and I couldn’t figure out what was causing this reaction in me but now I see he’s playing the game on me
    So now I just need to proceed with the game and call his bluff to regain the top position ?

  2. Sarah

    October 27, 2020 at 9:00 pm

    Thank you for article, so helpful. But how do you create that day dream effect, if you’re just “hanging out” kissed a couple of times and still just getting to know eachother ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 28, 2020 at 1:27 am

      Hi Sarah, its about giving him something to think about, making sure that time times you spend with him are so amazing, that when he is not with you he is thinking about what he would like to do with you when he next gets to see you. Leave little hints and tips about what you would like to do, or tell him the UG things you are doing and make him wish he was experiencing those things with you.

  3. Sophia

    October 25, 2020 at 6:44 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Does all this apply to your ex boyfriend? My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago as he’s uncertain about being in a relationship with me, whether we’d work and says he feels our “spark” has gone. We had a very amicable break up. He knows my feelings for him and openly admits he wasnt giving me 100%. He said that he knows what a future with me would look like and it’s everything he would want in a future, he just needs to “naturally” feel for me again as he did. I’ve not contacted him since we broke up and neither has he contacted me. Its been 2 weeks. So would any of this apply to my situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 28, 2020 at 4:51 am

      Hey Sophia, yes this program can work in your favour make sure that you stick with the rules of no contact before reaching out with a text that Chris has suggested in his articles to get your ex interested in conversation with you.

  4. Bezawung Victorine

    August 13, 2020 at 7:46 pm

    The best article I ever have read about getting a guy chase you and I’m overly happy because whether getting a man chase me or not, I’m naturally this kind of a lady. Most men I have come across always find Intimidating and I will just laugh and then follow my lane. Some of my fellow friends will complain that I’m too hard for men yet they who are pacific will be used and dumped . I remember my ignorant mother telling me: “if you are this difficult, you will hardly have a man to marry you”. And I reminded her: “Momma how come my father still abandoned you with all the caring, submissive and loving traits of yours?” . In a nutshell, a woman is supposed to have standards whether with the intentions of wanting men to chase her or not. Chris Seiter, I must say your ideas are perfect. Greetings from Cameroon

  5. Andy Rudnick

    June 21, 2020 at 6:25 am

    Thanks for writing such a great article. I was searching for a long time. Really appriciated. I would recommend this article to my friends.

  6. Ayobami

    February 9, 2020 at 12:01 pm

    I love this article ,i hope it work for me

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 9, 2020 at 2:18 pm

      Good luck Ayobami make sure you follow the information properly and it gives you a great chance of progress

  7. N.H

    June 16, 2019 at 11:34 am

    i like to read your topics . but i would love if you can explain to us more about how to do those points
    The Theory of Reactanc or how to make the 70/30 rule
    or how to make him jealous but gently , like more examples or way to do these things

  8. Alex

    May 26, 2019 at 2:16 pm

    Hello been following your articles for a while for coping strategies through every type of relationship ending the dumped or dumpie. But I got myself into a situation recently now friends with an ex partner I’ve always loved, we dated 3 years, the relationship broke a year ago nearly because my mental health caused me to neglect our relationship during my last year of uni.

    I began strategies months ago going fantastic , to the point when he got offered a new job in another city he wanted me to come with him as being apart made us both really miserable told him how I felt he matched at the time, he helped me move from an emotionally abusive short relationship .Now 3 months living together but as friends chasing our dream jobs , new city about the sign a year lease, I still love him, I have nightmares of him moving on I left a lot behind ,I confessed my feelings again once settled and I got “best friend labelled” to him saying he is wanting to be single and free , as I should be he said to me. when before he was saying he loved me, wants to do this together, we occasionally sleep together, he makes me dinner a lot and I get cuddles, back rubs, and it all feels temporary, I feel I’m going into something with expectations, I got everything I’ve always wanted on our relationship, but his commitment now as an ex. and when I tried hooking up with someone on a night out that he encouraged “to be free” ,he went on a drunk tangent when it went well ” to be his ” I’m his” completely cockblocking situations then when his sober tells me to go be single, he doesn’t want a relationship It’s a confusing feeling mess that was running so smoothly to getting him back a month ago .

    Should I reconsider signing this lease? His hot then cold. Have I made a mistake ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 26, 2019 at 3:14 pm

      Hi Alex….it would probably be wise to take a bit more time before making a firm decision about the lease. Perhaps having an open conversation given he seems hot/cold on the commitment level of the relationship. Perhaps he has attachment fears which is why you are getting these mix messages. But signing a lease is an important commitment and so to is having a sense of confidence that the relationship is more than something that is casual. Deep down he must understand this and should be able to give you a straight answer.

  9. Lauren

    January 21, 2019 at 8:42 am

    My boyfriend just broke up with me. He says he can’t see us being together forever. We’ve been together a year. It’s both our first relationship (he’s 28, I’m 26) this is the longest he’s ever been with a girl (usually was only with them for 4 months) it came out of the blue. We have loads of longer term plans (holidays & friends weddings & birthdays) and we hadn’t had any arguments or problems for this to happen. He really over thinks things: he did the same thing 6 months into the relationship but realised after a week apart that he thinks too much and there is nothing wrong with us. Last time I was a lot better at not texting cos he messaged me to see how I was on day 2. This time I messaged him saying we should talk in person & I’m not letting him do this cos he overthinks & no one really knows if they’re going to be with someone forever. He said he’s not in love with me (when he broke up with me yesterday he said he loved me) but he agreed to meet up on Saturday. He also messaged me yesterday to check I hadn’t hurt myself. What should I do? Do you think I have a chance again? Have I ruined it by already pushing for things on day 2?

  10. Liz

    January 13, 2019 at 2:37 am

    Hi Chris! After reading this article I would love to get started on these things and begin to do them. The only problem I have currently is that I’m in a class with my ex boyfriend (which starts in 2 days), and he wants to study together, and sit next to each other, and walk to class together (because we live in the same apartment complex; not the same apartment). I was thinking about what you said in regards to scarcity and thought maybe it would be a good idea to sit next to some really attractive guy in our class and start talking to him a lot? Would that work? My ex made it clear that we were “never getting back together” but he made it pretty adamant that he wants to stay friends. I’m currently his only friend in the city we attend university at… because he moved here for me. What should I do? Not be his friend? and should I try and make him jealous by talking and sitting next to some attractive guy in our class?