The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,800 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Bonjour

May 6, 2017 at 10:19 pm

Hello ! My ex’s grand-father was dying when he broke up with me 2 days ago. I know my ex will text me when he dies. Should I answer a quick “sorry to hear that. Take care of you and your family” if Im in NC période ? Il know it is very émotional for him, so I think it would be rude to not say anything…

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 7, 2017 at 3:13 pm

yeah, that’s ok..

nomusa

May 4, 2017 at 6:06 pm

hi m n my bofrnd had been dating on n off for 7 years, n we broke late last year bt we were still talking since we hve a child together n I started doing a nc rule n it did worked bt he still does wat he used to do n am thinking of ending this relationship fr gud …can I restart the nc rule or just forget about him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 5, 2017 at 4:13 pm

if you want to restart to try it for the last time, that’s ok…

Paula

May 2, 2017 at 7:54 am

I have texted my ex-boyfriend after 13 days asking him not to contact me unless he changes his mind. At the break-up he was really desiring of us staying friends. Telling him that I do not hate him and If we happen to meet on the street we can say and ask about accomplishments each have made. But not to contact me as a friend anymore and I wish him all the best. Does this count as breaking the NC? He never texted me since I started IT. But I felt like we can not think we are friends nor strangers. If we happrlen to meet on the street, for example. He broke up with me. No one cheated. He said he does not want a wife, ever, I am not The One anyway, so se should break up, which made me think I was used as a toy (at the break-up I confronted him about this and he admitted that its his lack of confidence in himself to keep me happy long-term that made him let me go)

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 2, 2017 at 7:09 pm

yup, you have to restart it.

Steph

May 1, 2017 at 11:40 pm

My bf of 8 years broke up with me in the most hurtful way. We were dating long-distance until last year when I moved in with him. We had plans to move back to my hometown and settle there. I drove out first and he said he would be out in a week. He never came. He changed his number, told everyone he knew to block me, and cut me out of his life. I tried writing emails to him for a few days afterwards but received no response so I went NC. It’s been a week and it’s killing me. I’m hurt beyond words for what he did. I don’t know if NC will work in my situation. He lives out of state and completely cut me off. Is there any hope?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 2, 2017 at 6:51 pm

check this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Ghosted You

Kira

April 29, 2017 at 9:51 pm

We have been together four months, He started getting stressed about money about two weeks ago. We have literally had one small argument, one week ago. He asked for space 3 days ago, a break, that looks like broke up were his words. it was perfect, and this was out of nowhere. i started nc immeadiately never begged never gnatted. What now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 30, 2017 at 12:34 pm

do you live together? If not, start improving yourself and be active in posting…

Joy

April 26, 2017 at 9:21 am

Hi there,

I was doing NC up until the 25th day. I decided to break NC because he was posting things publicly on a website that were about our relationship and so I emailed him to ask him to remove parts. I wasn’t rude in the email but more factual and to the point. I made no attempt to get him back in the email. Should I start NC again?

Joy

April 26, 2017 at 9:24 am

Also since then I have had one positive communication from him. He has said sorry and wants to talk. I’m not sure if I’m ready.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 10:13 pm

if it’s to save your dignity, no you didn’t break nc. Especially if you did it in a civil way.

ursula

April 26, 2017 at 5:38 am

I did 30 Day NC two months ago and after that i have tried slowly rebuild rapport without success. Last week I found out that another girl asked him for a date and theee is something going on between those two. I don’t knowbcan I get him back anmore… I didn’t behave so nicely and I told him a few days ago I still like him a lot but I noticed that the situation was really uncomfortable for him. After that I have tried to text him three days in row and no reply. I don’t know what to do. I thought about the second no contact period. Is it possible? Does it work it out?
I don’t know if i did a mistake by telling him I still like him a lot. (we were dating last year six months and he broke up with him in November).
Thanks for all help

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 10:12 pm

For me, after all those, you should move on.

Anne

April 21, 2017 at 8:18 pm

Hi!
My ex broke up with me in the end of November mainly because I was too insecure. We used to live together. After this I went to my mother’s house and we spent two weeks of no contact. Then I had to come back home, but I would always sleep in my sister’s house. By this time we started talking again as friends. Many times in a flirtatious way. He left home in the beginning of February and then I came back home for good (I live in the apartment now). After a few days I asked him for us to be together again and he said no, cause he waited two months for me to say something and I didn’t. But I didn’t know! He said things were different now. After that he called me drunk a few times to say how much he misses me and that he’s confused about his feelings. He even asked me back once but then changed his mind when he was sober. That was in the end of February. After that we made out a couple times, when he would call me drunk in the middle of the night telling me all that stuff. Last time he called this way (and I allowed him to come home to sleep over) was in the begging of April. But every time I let him know how I feel about us he says he doesn’t want it anymore. He still calls me eventually or sends messages just to know how I am. Even finds excuses to talk to me sometimes. Gave me chocolate for Easter (a tradition in Brazil). Do I still have a chance to get him back? What should I do? It’s been almost five months! Please please help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2017 at 10:25 am

But you’re not living together now right? Restart the no contact rule.. Do the 30 days properly.. And slowly build rapport after

Mina

April 17, 2017 at 12:43 pm

Hi ! I’m a very jealous and often angry girl, our relationship as been a bumpy ride for 4 years now. I kept nagging him to come with me see my parents and when I arrived at my parents (without him, he was at his parent’s house) I texted him angrily that he had let me down not wantinga to be wth me for at least half the time we were in our hometown. It was on monday, he hasn’t texted me in a week. This morning I received a text saying “we can’t be together anymore, I’m leaving you. I still love you, but I know you will never change and I can’t be with someone who’s jealous and angry, it will make me unhappy”. I texted him that I understood, that no one could bear that, with no tears and no begging. Just that. Since we haven’t been talking to each other for a week (he usually is very affectionate and textes a lot even after 4 years of relationship), which is pretty much a shorter version of no contact rule, I don’t see myself having more no contact for the week ahead… and we’re going back to our house by train on friday (so we’ll be sitting to eachother on the train). I want to change, I want to prove him I can work on myself, but he thinks he’s given me too many chances already… I am so desperate, we still love each other but I never changed and here we are….
Stephanie

April 4, 2017 at 4:13 pm

My bf and I recently broke up (his decision) but unfortunately we have to live together for a few months until our lease is up.
How can keep the no contact rule when there things that we need to discuss such us rent, bills and chores ? He has also mentioned that he wants us to be friends – so from his part his is very chatty which makes it even harder to ignore.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 3:02 pm

Hi Stephanie,

follow this one:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

Sam

April 4, 2017 at 4:37 am

Hi,
My boyfriend and i have been together for 6 years. We got in a Bad fight one time and i started talking to this other dude. Nothing hsppened w him, my ex found out, we talked it out, and i thought it was ok. Months later and now the third instance, i have found conversations with him and other girls . These are just random girls he meets on facebook so he doesnt ever meet up with them. Besides that, things have been good with us and its has been fun with him and i enjoy his company. He loves me very much and i love him obviously. We have talked about marriage and kids before. We have talked about him going behind my back and me going behind his and all of the fighting we were doing, only recently, and decided we need space and time without the title rightnow. I agree with that. I am interested in doing nc and want him to realize how much he misses me and what the good memories were so that we can let that grow. Do you think it is worth/has some rates of success in doing it with an ex who was a cheater.? He still talks to me but doesnt text me until 6-7pm, sometimes even 10pm. When i found one conversation, he was very genuinely apologetic. Before i knew what nc was, i took him back without forgiving him completely and that backfired, allowing us to fight more. Our fighting was wearing us out and we decided space would be best. What do you recommend at this time and do you think it would have some success rate?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 5:45 pm

Hi Sam,

check this one:
He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?

Jezzelle

March 25, 2017 at 6:26 am

Hi amor

I’ve been doing nc for 2 weeks now & he did texted me on the 2nd day of my nc continuing text until the fourt day then he stop. I did follow ur advise to ignore him everything so now he just kept silent but still posting on whatsapp group about him is having fun with my others mutual friends.

So apparently next week is his birthday should i make exceptions for nc just to wish him with short & simple text or just continuing ignore him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 1:07 pm

Hi Jezzelle,
check this one:
EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule

Ashley johnson

March 24, 2017 at 4:31 pm

Hi my boyfriend and I have been together for two years, but he asked for a “break” to see if he misses me and basically to discover if he still is in love with me. Would going no contact work in this situation? The break doesn’t have a definite amount of time, but we both agreed not to see anybody else and that it’s supposed to be time apart to come back “fresh” and “recharge” but he isn’t sure it’ll work

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 11:26 am

Hi Ashley,

check this one:
How Do I Prevent My Boyfriend From Ending Our Relationship

Bea

March 16, 2017 at 2:30 pm

Hi,
my boyfriend and I broke up almost a month ago. I noticed some distant behaviour from him and asked him what was going on. He said he doesn’t feel what he felt before. He took a break from me for a month a half in November because I was getting annoyed and upset often for no big reason. Later in December my doctor found out I have hormonal imbalance and I needed to get of the pill. I felt immediately better and my boyfriend came back to me. But something broke inside him and although he cares about me very much he didn’t feel the same anyway. We were together over a year and it was the best relationship I have ever had. He is a very nice guy, caring, loving and we had so much fun together.
So we broke up almost a month ago and then had a flight together 5 days later (we’re both flight attendants). At the end of the trip we went out, drank and had sex. I considered it the break up sex and then after reaching our base we talked, hugged and our ways separated. Few days later he texted me to wish me luck on my exams for renewing the flying license and then he even asked me how it went 2 days later. I guess he felt guilty leaving me right before such an important exam or maybe he genuinely cared. Since then we haven’t talked. I wouldn’t text him. So the NC period is going on for almost 3 weeks now. His life seems to go on. He posts on fb more that usually and a few days back I saw a picture of him with a group of people including a girl he just met on a flight. That made me really sad and angry and in order to move on I deactivated my fb for some time. So here’s my question. How long should I wait with the initial text? I’m afraid he’s moving on but I’m not healed yet. I know I should probably activate my fb again and make him see I’m all right and having fun, which I’m trying to do.
Thank you all.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 6:23 pm

Hi Bea,

yes, you have to actively improve yourself and post in social media.. if you didn’t do that, restart the count of nc and then you initiate a text after that..

Amanda

March 11, 2017 at 8:55 pm

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a bit. He is 18 years older than me with a four year old daughter. I used to be her teacher and that’s how we met. About six months in he drove by my house and my ex boyfriends truck was there he was over helping my dad with stuff while I was there and my ex got upset thinking I cheated on him. I get it how it looked.
We had been fighting a lot in our relationship over his ex wife because I was insecure. Last week I was upset because I didn’t think we were going anywhere we were serious and I was tired of living out of a bag wanting to move in so he said take some time decide what I want. I took two days on the second day he ended it with me. I begged for him back he made a decision on Monday saying he couldn’t do it. He didn’t trust me or my phone because last week he had asked to see my phone and I ran around the kitchen with it. He thinks I deleted something but I didn’t like the way he attacked me like that. I called him this Wednesday crying saying I couldn’t do this without him I missed him and loved him so much. He said ” dear just keep busy for now” and that there was a wall between us right now because he needs time. He said if this is ever gonna work he needs space and to give him space. I have no idea what to do. I love him. He is my soulmate. I can’t loose him

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2017 at 4:32 pm

Hi Amanda,

if he thinks you cheated, approach it like the advice in the link below:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

Amanda

March 11, 2017 at 8:53 pm

How long should I wait to give my ex space ?
We broke up Monday

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2017 at 4:32 pm

Hi Amanda,

if he thinks you cheated, approach it like the advice in the link below:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

Amanda

March 10, 2017 at 11:04 pm

How long do I wait to give my ex space?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2017 at 4:32 pm

Hi Amanda,

if he thinks you cheated, approach it like the advice in the link below:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

Nik

March 10, 2017 at 1:45 pm

Hi,

My ex and I dated for 2 years. I am a single mother of two children. He was onboard and said when we started dating he loves kids etc but never dated anyone with kids. The relationship always seemed a littke off. He was always slow to respond to texts, calls etc and would sometimes just be weird and disappear for a day. We broke up a year in because he said he was having a hard time with accepting my responsibilitues and noted if we progressed he was worried it would be difficult blending my family and kids. Lso, side not his mom told him it would be a challenge dating a girl with kids and warnes him it was a big responsibility to take on. So he was always kind of taking a step forward and two back. But he was so good with them and he was so nice and affectionate with nr. He is a very loyal person and would never cheat etc but he is a giant avoider and anytime we would talk about the relatio shio he would get distant and quiet. He admitted to me finally that he has severe anxiety and committment issues and he isnt sure why. I sugfested counseling and he agreed but then never went. So when things get complicated he avoids and runs away. It ia how he copes. And i want to fix it so i become needy which makes him run more. I should also note in 2 years his mom has never met my kids or even acknowledged them to me. In other words never even asked me their names. My ex in turn never invited us to famioy gatherings and would either avoid them by working a ton or lie about where he was when he was spending time with family. It really upset me he could never stand up to his mom and include us and i just kept pushing the issue. Fast forward to two months ago. He didnt show up to my sons family party and i was really hurt and so was my son. We talked for the 50000 time and he said it was best for everyine if we end things because he is ao anxious and afraid to move forward and committ more because he would have to give up control and the logistics of moving us in and dealung with my children were all very overwhelming to him. However he was really upset because he really loved spending time with us. We didnt talk for about a week after then I reached out to him and asked if he misses us etc. He said he did and it was not easy for him but it was the best choice for everyone. I keep trying NC and keep failing about every two weeks. He respinds sometimes and others he ignores me. I am just hurt and thought this was going to be something more long term. I should also mention I am the longest relationship he has ever had. All of his other ones were 6 months or less and he always ended them before they got serious and never brought anyine around family until me. I saw some texts between him and a friend which he said he was worried aboit the future and difficultues but he could have settled down with me a d this was the closest he has ever come. Do you think I should just give ul or is there a chance I can save this? He just gets so anxious and wont seek help or address his mom. He avoids like she does.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2017 at 4:01 pm

Hi Nik,

try to do a full nc first and to properly do it. Do at least 45 days. Check this one too:
Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

Jenna

March 9, 2017 at 7:26 pm

So I dated this guy for about 3 months. Things were going great, of course we had some hiccups, but what I liked so much about him is that we could always communicate about whatever issues we were having and be back to normal. Then one day I get a text from him saying that he wants to break up. He needs time to better himself and be a better boyfriend and hopefully I will be a better girlfriend. He was trying to put the blame on me. He said he really likes me, but he thought a break up would be best for now. He said he texted me because he knew he couldn’t break up with me in person, he would just “cave”. I have implemented the NC rule and haven’t spoken to him since. My first issue is this… we have the same group of friends and I want to be able to hangout with them but he will be there. He has already texted and called (which I ignored both) Asking me if I would like to have lunch and talk and squash any beef between us and not have any drama (I’m assuming because of the same friends situation). I know if I go out with my friends and he is there he is going to want to talk. What should I do?
My other concern is since we have broken up I have noticed that he is going out ALOT! Partying to the max! Non stop! Does that mean he is trying to numb the pain of the break up or that he is so happy to have his freedom back that he is taking full advantage of it?

Thank you for any advice!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 7:33 am

Hi Jenna,

your friends will understand if you dont want to hang out with him. Invite them in a different event instead..how long are you in nc? how much are you improving yourself and are you active in social media? That’s probably his way of coping with the break up

T

March 6, 2017 at 5:27 pm

How long should I do no contact for someone who acted like they didn’t want to break up in the first place? He says he doesn’t want to live with another person because of bad past experiences, and he knows that’s something I want so he thought that was the only solution. I think he’s just scared that this time will end up like his past relationships. He said “I hope I don’t regret this.” I instituted no contact immediately and acted more or less calm during the breakup (just a little crying, but not too much). We parted on good terms and were together for more than 2 years.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 2:33 am

Hi T,

do at least 30 ays

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6,800 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”