Have you ever heard that famous quote,
Age is just a number?
Well, in my experience that quote isn’t always accurate. Sure, technically speaking age is just a number. However, when it comes to relationships age is a way in which you can gauge how experienced and mature a partner is.
For example, a boy who is 16 years old is going to have a different view of relationships as compared to a man who is 36 years old.
But what about a couple who has a massive age difference?
I can’t tell you how many times I have encountered a situation where the man is significantly older than the woman and the woman comes to Ex Boyfriend Recovery looking for a way to win her man back.
In fact, about a month ago I encountered this exact situation and was asked a pretty interesting question,
Is the process of getting an ex boyfriend back the same if there is a pretty big age difference between the couple?
Actually, yes the process is pretty much the same. However, there are some differences here and there. Well, this guide is going to be focusing on the overall process of getting your boyfriend back and giving you some insight into how you should handle your age difference.
Men And The Different Stages Of Life
In the introduction to this guide I made a pretty interesting point about age difference.
What was it that I said?
A boy who is 16 years old is going to have a different view of relationships as compared to a man who is 36 years old.
If you want incredible insight into your ex and the age difference between the two of you then it’s probably a good idea to first take a look at the stage of life that your ex is currently in. Now, I mostly deal with women whose boyfriends are in the 20-30 year old range. However, I do realize that there are also a lot of other readers out there whose boyfriends are either younger or older than the “average.”
So, as a result I am going to be taking you through the different phases of life that men go through and how it correlates to their age.
Still a bit confused at what I am trying to accomplish here?
Well, take a look at the graphic below.
As you can see I have divided the phases men go through into four different stages,
- The Immature Phase
- The Party Phase
- The Post Party Phase
- The “Ready” Phase
You may have also noticed that I put the ages that correspond with the phases under the titles depicting the phases.
As usual I am going to take a moment (a long moment) to explain what men are thinking during these four different stages.
The Immature Phase
(16 – 19 Years Old )
Ah, the good ole high school years…
I have always found this phase to be especially interesting because it is at this age that kids start to crave independence and always claim,
“I already know everything I am supposed to know about life.”
The ironic part is that most kids this age don’t know anything about life.
I mean, take a 16 year old boy who just got his first girlfriend for example.
It’s his first girlfriend so it’s probably the first time he will experience feelings of love and selflessness. Of course, it will also be the first time that he encounters feelings like lust, jealousy and love based anger. Asking someone who is experiencing these very intense feelings for the first time to sustain a long and healthy relationship can be a very tricky task.
Why do you think most high school sweethearts don’t end up together?
It’s because most of the time they are experiencing these very intense emotions for the first time and most don’t know how to handle them properly, they have to practice at it for a little bit.
The best analogy I can think of to describe this phenomenon would be like when you learn a new skill for the first time.
Lets say that you wanted to learn how to dance for the first time.
(Fun Side Note: I realize I am writing on a website full of women who are probably phenomenal dancers but I am a horrible one so just pretend you are me for a second, ok.)
Well, the very first time you try to dance you probably aren’t going to be very good right? However, after some practice you are going to get better and better at it until eventually you grow so confident that you kind of consider yourself an expert.
The same principle applies to dating in a way.
Most people aren’t going to be the best they can be during their very first few relationships. However, after they gain some more experience through dating or watching others in similar situations they learn what it takes to succeed.
What It Means If Your Ex Boyfriend Is In This Age Range
Well, there is good news and bad news if your ex boyfriend is in this age range.
Which do you want first?
(Personally, I always like the bad news first.)
The bad news is that your ex boyfriend is in an extremely immature phase of his life. While I am not saying that he can’t change it is unlikely that he will.
So, lets say that you do end up getting your ex boyfriend back. Well, if most of the problems in your past relationship with him was caused by him then it is unlikely that he is going to “fix his act” the second time around.
Because he probably has to experience more in order to learn how he should treat women properly.
Of course, for every bit of bad news in this phase there is a bit of good news as well.
The good news is that men in this age range (16 – 19 years old) tend to be more open to a reconciliation.
In other words, you probably won’t have to try as hard if you want to get your man back.
The Party Phase
(20 – 24 Years Old)
What’s after high school?
Now, I know I have a diverse amount of readers from all over the world here so this may not be true for every college but in America there is one thing that we always seem to associate with college…
I mean, just take a look at some of our greatest comedy movies,
Old School is about a group of older men (Will Ferrell, Luke Wilson, Vince Vaughn) who go back to college, form fraternity, relive their glory days and essentially have some of the wildest parties ever.
Neighbors is about a young couple who have just had their first child and bought their first house. The problem is that the house that they bought turns out to be right next to a college fraternity that is known for having the wildest parties on campus. Craziness ensues as the couple tries everything they can to get them banned from the neighborhood.
Do You See A Trend Here?
College = Parties.
This means that most young men in that college age range (20 – 24 years old) tend to gravitate towards wild things like parties.
And why not?
I mean, they are young, immature, it’s fun and no one on their death bed is going to sit there and say,
“I wish I hadn’t went out and had more fun.”
What It Means If Your Ex Boyfriend Is In This Age Range
Here’s the thing.
Men who go out partying every night probably aren’t the best candidates for boyfriend of the year.
I think it’s safe to say that I have a lot of experience in dealing with relationships. I have seen a lot of stuff as a result of this site. You want to know the thing that I have learned about people who have successful relationships?
They don’t go out partying all the time.
Sure, going to a party here and there is always good for spicing things up but for the most part the two people in the relationship are so dedicated to each other that they treat the relationship like its the most precious thing in the world.
Now, I don’t know about you but a guy who goes out partying or clubbing all the time is putting himself in a position where he is going to be hit on by other women, where he may hit on other women, where he can get drunk and make a fool of himself and where he can cheat. The list really goes on and on.
My point is simple, if you are trying to get an ex boyfriend back that is in this “party phase” you may want to take a step back and ask yourself,
“Will I be able to put up with him until this phase ends? Will I be able to trust him if he is out alone or with his friend? Do I want a serious relationship with him or is this just a “phase” for me?”
I believe in doing things in the best manner that you possibly can and if you are going to attempt to get him back when he is in this phase you need to be aware of what you may be getting into with your ex if he is in this phase.
What Your Ex Is Going To Be Like In This Phase
- He is going to want to go to parties. (If you do get him back make sure you accompany him to these parties. Make it fun as a couple!)
- If you are not into parties then that could be an issue if he is. (You may have to adapt and learn to like them.)
- You need to remember that your ex is still maturing in this phase. (men mature slower than women.)
- If your ex parties a lot (his whole life revolves around parties) then remember that he is a higher risk than normal of cheating (this is based on what I have seen through this site.)
The Post Party Phase
(25 – 27 Years Old)
This is really the phase that separates the men from the boys.
You see, after college most men start their careers (or attempt to start their careers.) Well, this is when they try to get more serious about the rest of their life which of course includes relationships. Instead of jumping from girl to girl like they used to do in their party days they begin to take a quality approach as opposed to a quantity one.
Here’s the thing though, there will always be a certain segment of men who refuse to abide by societies rules of getting that 9 to 5 job, a white picket fence, getting married and having a couple of kids.
I like to call these men,
What Are The Resistant?
I want you to picture an older man in his early 50′s in a bar full of college kids. The older gentleman is drinking, hitting on much younger girls and doing everything he can to relive the glory days. In other words, this man never matured past the partying phase of his life. In fact, he is so resistant to this maturing that he will do anything he can to hold on to the way things used to be with all the booze, girls and parties.
The resistant is almost like Peter Pan.
You remember how Peter Pan would always say that he never wanted to grown up, right?
Well, the resistant never wants to grow up from his partying phase. He will do anything he possibly can to hold on to that time of his life. In fact, sometimes his need to hold on can become so bad that he will find that he has turned into the creepy old man at a bar hitting on college kids.
Of course, most men in the post party phase don’t hold on to their partying ways. In fact, most men are the opposite of the resistant.
How Most Men Act In The Post Party Phase
What is the age range I set for the post party phase?
25 – 27 years old, right?
This means that most men this age are getting out of college and starting their careers.
In other words, their lives are progressing towards a much more serious path.
They probably want to do well in their careers and have matured enough to take relationships more seriously.
Now, just because they have some more maturity under their belt that doesn’t mean that they still won’t have some more maturing to do. The first few years in the “real world” for a lot of people can be pretty rough. Daily stresses like bills, workplace dramas and any other number of things can pile up and cause men to react in multiple different ways.
Some men will take these issues head on and overcome them while others will hide with alcohol and more parties to make themselves feel better.
My point is simple, the post party phase is really what matures boys into men and that is a really good thing because the majority of men do end up maturing into something special, someone who is ready for a lifelong commitment.
The “Ready” Phase
(28 – 35+ Years Old)
Here’s a fun fact.
Did you know that the average age for a man to get married in the United States is 29 years old?
(It’s 27 for women in case you are wondering.)
By any chance did you happen to see the ages of the “ready” phase?
(28 – 35+)
Do you think that it’s a coincidence that the “ready” phase falls in line perfectly with the average age that a man is ready to get settled down with someone?
So, why is it that during the “ready” phase that a man is looking for a serious commitment?
Why Are Men So Ready During This Phase?
I think a lot of factors have to line up perfectly for a man in order for him to feel like he is ready for a lifelong commitment like marriage.
Off the top of my head here are a few of the most popular factors that have to line up.
- He has to feel like he has lived his life.
- No more grass is greener syndrome.
- A comfortable career.
- He has to want to either get married or be in a serious relationship.
- He has to feel like he has found “the one.”
You want more substance about these factors than that?
Fine, take a look below :p .
Factor 1- He Has To Feel Like He Has Lived His Life
What I am about to say is going to be a bit controversial and some of you may not like it but I feel like a lot of men think like this so its important that you know.
Marriage is a beautiful thing.
Essentially you are making a promise to someone that you are going to remain committed to them for the rest of your life. Yes, YOU are making a conscious decision to tell the person you love more than anything that they will be their one and only until death.
Stop and think about that for a second.
Marriage is a promise until death (A very serious promise that shouldn’t ever be taken lightly.)
In order for a man to feel like he is ready to get married he has to feel like he has lived his life because the second he says his vows to you in his mind his life is over in a way.
Now, you may have read that and took it the wrong way so let me expand.
When I say his life is over I am not talking about him going into some marriage jail where you are the jailer. No, I am talking about his past life of parties and flings with women here or there. When he marries you he knows that, that part of his life is over as YOU essentially become his life.
If he feels like he has lived his life and had some fun when he was younger he isn’t going to go into a marriage with any regrets.
Factor 2- No More Grass Is Greener Syndrome
You know what the grass is greener syndrome is right?
For those of you who are too lazy to click on the link I just provided (which I am betting is most of you) the grass is greener syndrome is basically something that men and women can get when they think they can do better than their significant other.
For example, lets pretend for one moment that the two of us are dating. No, lets take things a step further and say that you were the best girlfriend that I have ever had. However, throughout the relationship I couldn’t shake this feeling that I could do a little better than you.
This in essence is what the grass is greener syndrome is, it’s this feeling in the pit of a guys stomach that tells him that he could do just a little bit better than you.
So, this begs an interesting question, for men who have the grass is greener syndrome does it ever go away?
As men date around or gain more experience they begin to get an idea of what they want in a relationship.
Some men may be super vain and only want women for their physical features. Others may want women for their emotional support. My point is simple, all those phases before the “ready” phase serve a very important purpose, they help men figure out what they want out of a relationship.
During the “ready” phase men have acquired enough experience to understand what they are looking for. Of course, with experience in dating comes knowledge and with knowledge comes the realization that no one is perfect.
All human beings are flawed individuals. The older you get the more you realize this fact.
In essence, the idea that the grass could be greener on the other side fades away and men start to accept women for how they are (flaws and all.)
Factor 3- A Comfortable Career
Back in caveman days men were looked at as the hunters and women were looked at as the gatherers.
While the human race has become a lot more civilized the principle that men are supposed to be hunters still holds true in a weird way.
You see, most men are taught from a young age that we have to provide. Men have this innate belief that they are the ones that has to support their family. While more women than ever are entering the workforce in order to lend a hand to finances a mans belief that he has to be the one to provide still holds strong.
When you run a website about breakups you hear a lot of stories at how things went wrong in relationships. One that springs to mind here are the men that lose their jobs. You see, not only is losing a job stressful because all of a sudden your finances are in shambles but it demasculates a man into believing that he doesn’t have any worth any more because he can’t provide.
If that doesn’t tell you how important “providing” is to a man that I don’t know what will.
The overall point here is simple, between the ages of (28 – 35+) men are starting to settle into their careers and become successful. They are starting to gain some independence financially and probably feel like they can provide for a family. In other words, they start to become “ready.”
Factor 4- He Has To Want To Get Married or Be Serious
I can’t lie to you.
Some men don’t want to get married and don’t want to be in a serious relationship because they haven’t matured enough. I talked a little about this in the post party phase where men want to hold on to their old tendencies and refuse to mature.
In order for a man to be ready for a serious relationship or commitment like marriage he has to want it.
Look, I can only draw upon my own experience here so I am just going to tell you how I feel about serious relationships and commitments like marriage.
Personally, I think they are the greatest thing in the world.
Take marriage for example.
The idea that I could have a family that I could call my own is very appealing to me. In fact, the thought of it can make me emotional at times (and I am not an emotional person.) I mean, I realize that sometimes having a family means you can’t go out and have fun anymore because you have to be fully committed to doing things like raising children and making sure the family unit stays strong. However, despite all that it still appeals to me.
Most men are afraid of families for the simple fact that it is going to be a shell shock going from their exciting single life to their boring family life.
I don’t know though, while I do like excitement and things of that nature I almost feel as if the boring family life is nicer in a strange way.
Boring appeals to me!
So, I imagine that if a guy feels like I do about serious relationships, marriage or starting a family then he would be “ready.”
Factor 5- He Has To Feel Like He’s Found The One
Deep in the recesses of every mans mind is an idea of “the one.”
The One- The one person in the world that you are meant to be with. Your perfect match.
In order for a man to feel ready to enter into a serious relationship or commitment like marriage he has to feel like he has found “the one.”
Look, a lifelong commitment like marriage can be a scary prospect since it essentially means that your life is going to be committed to one person until you die (assuming no divorce happens.) Well, that thought can scare the hell out of a lot of men.
Of course, the exception are the men who think they have found “the one.”
All of a sudden, that giant commitment becomes a lot easier.
How are you supposed to know if a man thinks he has found the one?
- As it turns out there are a few signs you can be on the lookout for,
- He treats the woman like a goddess (better than anyone has ever treated her in her life.)
- He never wavers and won’t be afraid to end relationships with close friends who are women if they make his significant other uncomfortable.
- He allows himself to be vulnerable like he has never been vulnerable before.
- He is willing to work through almost anything (some exceptions like cheating or bad lies may be too much no matter what though.)
- He will know in his gut that he has found “the one” and never question that.