Have you ever noticed that talking to your ex boyfriend is like playing a game of chess?
Except instead of wagering the lives of wooden or plastic pawns you are wagering your very own emotions. One wrong move can leave you with a broken heart and eating a tub of ice cream. Unfortunately, probably everyone who is reading this page is experiencing a loss at the emotional “chess game” at this very moment.
Since we are dealing with an ex boyfriend here all of his moves have to be questioned.
“Does he really mean what he says?”
“Does he even care about me at all?”
“Does he just want to use me for sex?”
“Am I just a booty call to him?”
This websites main purpose has always been to help women who want to get their ex boyfriends back. Unfortunately, women who want to get their exes back tend to be the most emotional people on the planet and the thing about emotional people is that they don’t always think logically all the time (no offense.)
Here is the thing about ex boyfriends.
Not all ex boyfriends are nice. Some have no problem saying exactly what they know a girl wants to hear and then using that girl to their advantage. When you add in the fact that YOU, the ex girlfriend who desperately wants an ex back, is highly emotional you are at a pretty high risk of being used.
I created this guide to educate you on the many different ways that an ex boyfriend can use you and how you can turn the tables on him.
Your Time & If An Ex Who Uses You Is Worth It
At first glance you may look at this section and think to yourself,
“What in the world does any of this have to do with an ex boyfriend using me?”
While I can understand the initial confusion I promise you that what I have to say in this section is very appropriate for this page.
For the past year I have run Ex Boyfriend Recovery and I feel I have a very close relationship with each and every one of you. This means that I know my audience pretty darn well and if there is one thing I know about you ladies it is that even if your ex is using you, you probably want him back.
While it is not my place to judge you and the decisions you make I do want to make you aware of something.
Your time matters much more than you think it does.
The Jellybean Video
I know your life is busy. I know you have places to be, people to text and work to do but I want you to do yourself a favor. All I am asking is that you take 3 minutes of your time to watch this video:
(Oh, and in case you are wondering this is the first time in the history of this site that I have ever embedded a video so if that doesn’t tell you how important watching this thing is I don’t know what will.)
You didn’t watch it did you?
Gosh, you are so lazy. Alright, I will give you a quick summary.
Imagine that every day of your life equaled one jellybean.
The average person lives about 28,835 days. Well, that means that everyone, when they are born, start off with 28,835 jellybeans.
However, things like:
- Being sick
- Commuting to work
- Watching TV
- Going to church
Eats away at the time or the “jellybeans” that you have left.
When you look at what the average American spends (time wise) on each of the things that I listed above that means that you will be left with 2,740 jellybeans to do with as you please.
That means you have 2,740 days of free time.
Time to go out on dates, meet people, enjoy life and do things that you deem as worthy of those jellybeans.
Now, What does any of this have to do with your ex boyfriend?
Your Time Is More Valuable Than His
I want you to get something through your head.
Your time on this earth is much more valuable than your exes.
I want to illustrate this point by running through an interesting scenario with you.
Lets pretend that you had one year to find the man of your dreams.
Man Of Your Dreams- Basically, this is your future husband. He IS your prince charming. I believe a lot of you ladies call him “the one” and I am not talking about the Matrix. No, this is speaking directly to that one perfect person for you that is out there.
So, you have exactly one year to find this guy.
What happens if you aren’t able to find him within that year?
Well, then you will never find love, you will never have a lasting relationship and you will never get married. In other words, you will never find true happiness.
That is all the time you have to find “the one.”
If you were presented with this scenario (where your time is extremely valuable) how do you think your ex would fare?
Would your ex boyfriend be considered “the one” if he was using you? Would you even want to waste your precious time on someone like this?
These are important questions that you need to be asking yourself right now because the truth is that not many guys who use you are going to be “the one.” I know it may feel like it at this moment but lets think about this logically.
In your mind would “the one” use you? Would he play with your emotions? Would he treat you like your ex has been treating you?
Now, maybe your ex boyfriend is “the one.” I don’t know him personally so I couldn’t tell you. All I am asking for you to realize is that your time on this earth is limited and wasting it on someone who isn’t worth it is a BIG mistake.
I can tell you one thing. If your ex is using you then that means that he doesn’t think your time is more valuable than his. The second a guy realizes the truth (you are more valuable) is the second that he starts to grow attracted to you and he won’t treat you in a way in which you feel used.
So, I urge you to wake up and see the truth, YOUR TIME IS VALUABLE. Don’t waste it.
You have 365 days….. good luck .
Words and Actions
I promise we are getting closer to the different ways in which an ex boyfriend can use you after a breakup. However, before I get to that there is one last thing that has to be discussed. I rarely say anything like this but the information that I talk about in this section is vital to helping you understand if you are being used by your ex.
Do you know what the definition of a hypocrite is?
Hypocrite- A person who claims to have certain beliefs but acts in a way that completely disagrees with those beliefs.
In other words, if your ex boyfriend says one thing but does another then that would make him a hypocrite. You may have noticed how words and actions can tie directly into that “hypocrite” definition.
“A person who CLAIMS to have certain beliefs.”
This would be the “word” part in which someone is claiming or saying that they have a certain set of beliefs. For example, if your ex boyfriend said to you that he wanted to get a place together at the end of the month. Well, that would mean that he is claiming that he holds the belief that the two of you will get a place together at the end of the month.
“But ACTS in a way that disagrees with those beliefs.”
This would be the “action” part of the statement. Above we established that someone held a certain belief. However, when the time came for that person to hold true to that belief they didn’t which makes them a hypocrite. In other words, if your ex boyfriend got cold feet and backed out of getting that place together at the end of the month by definition that makes him a hypocrite.
Words and actions will be your primary ammunition for deciphering if your ex is using you or not.
Allow me to explain.
Words, Actions And An Ex Who Uses You
I like making things easy for people. I feel that when I complicate subjects that not a lot of people walk away fully grasping that subject. Unfortunately, this entire website is based on a very complicated subject (exes.) So, the challenge that I am faced with is trying to find a way to easily help you understand the concepts that I want you to understand.
In this case, what I want you to understand is if you are being used by your ex boyfriend or not.
So, when I was planning this entire guide out I was lucky enough to find an easy way that can help you determine that.
What is that easy way?
Words and actions of course!
Let me run through a hypothetical situation to show you exactly how you can use words and actions to determine if an ex is using you.
Lets pretend that you and your ex are on talking terms after the breakup. While the two of you aren’t together the chemistry between the two of you is still there. This chemistry eventually leads to a situation where the two of you sleep together.
Of course, you are very excited about this and feel that this could be a bridge into a complete reconciliation where the two of you become “official” again.
Unfortunately, day after day goes by and nothing happens. You keep sleeping with your ex and he keeps feeding you some line like,
“We have to wait until the time is right.”
Those are his WORDS. The words seem nice and they are kind of want you want to hear. Ideally, you want to be official as soon as possible but at least when he feeds you this line you feel there could be a future relatively soon.
But his ACTIONS are telling a different story aren’t they?
Rather than manning up and locking you down he keeps using you as a booty call and you fall for it every single time.
There Has To Be An Agreement
I am about to give you the secret to seeing if your ex boyfriend actually means what he says.
You see, when we date someone we want to believe that everything they say is the truth. This is something that I have noticed in my own personal life. For example, maybe I start falling for someone and they start telling me things about themselves. That person could lie about everything and I would believe it without question because I am falling for them.
When you have strong feelings for someone you want to believe everything they say.
Thus, it is easier to get fooled if someone is taking advantage of you or using you.
It’s funny, whenever I hear a woman calling another woman stupid for falling into the friends with benefits trap I am not entirely sure that’s fair.
Yes, becoming friends with benefits is the dumbest idea ever (more on that later.) However, the judgement from other women isn’t fair because I know for a fact if you put the woman who is being all judgey in the same situation with the same emotions she will fall for being FWB (friends with benefits) too.
Because, when you care for someone on that intense of a level you want to believe every little thing that they say and it is easy to be taken advantage of.
Let me get back to my words and actions rant for a moment.
If you really want to test and see if your ex is taking advantage of you what you will be looking for is an agreement between his words and his actions.
In other words, if he says something and then later follows through by doing it then he is GOOD! That means there is an agreement between his actions and words.
However, if he says something and then does not follow through with it then that is BAD. That means he may potentially be using you or taking advantage of you.
Agreement = Good
No Agreement = Bad
The Two Ways In Which An Ex Boyfriend Can Use You
I am sure there are probably a thousand little ways that an ex can use you after a breakup (not even exaggerating.) However, I don’t have the time or patience to get into them all right now. So, I am just going to be talking about the two main ways that an ex can use you after a breakup.
Now, I am one of the very few people on this earth that is qualified to make claims like this (because I have seen tens of thousands of relationships and their problems.) So, here it is.
Most exes can use you emotionally or physically.
Emotionally- This is basically when an ex boyfriend will use you for emotional support when he has no intention of getting back together with you. It is a little like being friend zoned. However, the difference is that he looks at you as a way to “boost” his confidence.
Physically- I don’t have to spell this one out for you do I? Yes? Ok, well this is basically when an ex boyfriend will use you for sex and then discard you and then try to use you for sex again.
Obviously, I am going to be going into each of these different ways in much greater detail but before I get into that I do want to make you aware of something first.
I pride myself on creating the most “in-depth” content on ex boyfriends on the internet. I am sure if you looked hard enough you would be able to find information on the many different emotional and physical ways in which an ex boyfriend can use you (I know because I looked.) However, one thing I feel you will have a lot of trouble finding is information on what to do if you are being “used” by your ex.
Well, that problem ends now because on top of providing you information about the emotional and physical ways in which you can be used I will also be dedicating just as much time and effort into showing you what to do if you are indeed being used.
But enough of that. Lets get to the goods.
He Is Using You Emotionally
I am going to tell you something about myself that may be a little embarrassing.
On the outside people think I am confident.
They think I have it all together.
The truth is on the inside I am a little insecure. I have thought a lot about what caused that insecurity and I know exactly what it was. As a child I wasn’t exactly the best looking kid. I was picked on a lot and as I grew to be a teenager it didn’t really change with the introduction of hormones and acne.
All of those years I convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough and that I was never going to be good looking. While that was a long time ago and I am happy to say that is ancient history even to this day some of those insecurities are still left over.
The funny thing is that I am not the only man with insecurities like that.
Almost all men I have met have weird insecurities like this even your ex boyfriend. I don’t care how confident he looked or how smooth he seemed to be I guarantee you that somewhere deep inside he has some strange insecurity about himself that you would have never guessed.
For example, have you ever met a guy who is extremely cocky? Almost like he is trying to prove he is extremely confident. Well, I would be willing to wager that the main reason he is so cocky is that he is trying to cover up some insecurity.
My point is that all men have insecurities (just like YOU.)
However, I have found the cure to that insecurity and so have a lot of other men out there.
What’s the cure?
Using Women For Confidence
I would like to offer myself up as an example for a moment here.
Imagine a little 18 year old version of me (Chris Seiter.) As I have already stated above at that age I wasn’t very confident, I didn’t think I was good looking and I was very shy around other people. Seriously, that was me in high school.
Now lets introduce an attractive girl into the mix. Lets say that this girl showers me with compliments and tells me things like,
“You are so good looking.”
“I love the way you make me feel.”
“Your the most important person in my life right now.”
Basically, this girl is laying it on pretty thick. Well, all of those compliments feel amazing because in my own head I think the opposite of what she is saying about myself. Pretty soon those horrible thoughts I was having get replaced with thoughts like,
“Wow, maybe she is right. Maybe I am good looking and I do have a lot to offer.”
The point is that the compliments and the way the girl made me feel about myself is addicting. It is almost like a blindfold has been taken off of you and you are being introduced to an entirely different world. The more girls that shower you with compliments the better the feeling.
As a man I can tell you there is no greater feeling than having a drop dead gorgeous woman wanting you. Seriously, when things are going right for me in my own personal relationships I walk out the door every day thinking,
“I am the man!”
However, that feeling, that “I am the man!” feeling, can only be accomplished if you have a beautiful girl who wants you.
This is where we get to you and your ex.
What if I told you that some men out there like the fact that they have their ex to rely on. These men have no intention of committing to you they just want to use you for the emotional support you provide. In other words, they want to use you because they know you can make them feel better about themselves.
Oh, and the most rotten part of the deal is that they have no intention of making you feel good emotionally. It is completely one sided and selfish.
How do I know this even exists you ask?
Because, I have done this before (and this is me owning up to my mistake by making you ladies aware that there are men out there like this.)
You Are On The Hook
NOOO… not that hook.
Ok, here is how this works.
You date a guy and then the guy breaks up with you. Maybe down the road you two talk and get on good terms again. Talking to you makes the guy feel really good but he never has any intention of becoming involved with you. Of course, you do want to become involved with him. Sensing this he makes a conscious decision to do something.
He feeds you my all time favorite BS line from men.
“I can’t be with you….. right now.”
I will leave it to my man Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother to provide the correct “phrasing” of how this is said:
That little “right now” phrase opens the door for him to use you emotionally. It opens the door for him to keep feeling good about himself without you getting anything in return. Essentially, that phrase is a springboard for a guy to USE you.
It puts you on the hook and once you are on that hook he can play with you as much as he wants without any repercussions (until you get off the hook and rain down hell.)
My point is simple, the words “right now” used in the context we are talking about here is never a good sign.
How To Make Him View You As An Equal Again
Lets make something clear.
If you are being used either emotionally or physically then that means that the guy that is using you does not view you as his equal. I am proud to say that I have never used anyone physically (I am not that cruel) but I have used someone emotionally before.
Let me tell you, even though I am an extremely nice person, deep down I felt I was a little above them.
It’s like this.
If I was using someone emotionally I would feel that I have a certain power over them.
You see, in order for me to use them they would have to have feelings for me and I would have to manipulate them to say good things about me by saying things that I think they might want to hear.
(Gosh, this is really horrible I can’t believe I am telling you all this.)
Anyways, if I were able to successfully manipulate them that would give me the power of control and I guarantee you that in the back of my mind I would be thinking something like,
“I am better than her if I can do this to her.”
In other words, if someone thinks that they are better than you then that doesn’t mean they view you as an equal it means they view themselves as being above you.
So, the question that is on your mind is probably,
“How in the world can I be viewed as my exes equal?”
Well, I don’t want you to be his equal. I want you to convince him that YOU are above him. Lets turn the tables on him and make him think that you are the alpha in the relationship.
Becoming The Alpha In The Relationship
I know that so far this guide has been a little gloomy since it is talking about women being used by men but I am about to change that. Now I would like to offer a solution for how to deal with a guy who is using you emotionally.
First things first though, since you are being used by your ex I am going to give you some required reading materials.
I would like you to read the following pages on this site after you finish reading this one:
- The Ungettable Girl- A guide on how to become the most attractive woman in the world to your ex (I am not kidding.)
- How To Make Your Ex Chase You- This is important because if you are able to become the “alpha” he is going to start chasing you.
If your ex boyfriend is using you then we need to put a stop to that immediately. The way you do that is by cutting him out for a little while.
A Week Long No Contact Rule
Many of you are well aware of the dreaded no contact rule.
I recommend it for pretty much everyone after a breakup. It usually goes something like this:
(Breakup Occurs = No Contact Rule (30 days) = Attempt To Get Your Ex Back)
However, if you find that you are already in the “attempting to get your ex back” stage and your ex boyfriend is using you for emotional reasons then you are in a very unique position where you can implement what I like to call a week long no contact rule.
Week Long No Contact- A period of 7 days where you can’t talk, text, call, email or respond to your ex in any way.
Why is a week long no contact rule appropriate if you are being used emotionally?
Well, if an ex is using you emotionally then he has probably gotten into the habit of talking to you pretty routinely. I want you to disrupt this routine and I want you to slowly wean him off of you. I want you to show him that life without you is miserable.
When you have him to the point where he is craving you (after 7 days of no contact) that is when it is ok to finally talk to him again.
Rules For Talking To Him
The way you talk to your ex boyfriend after the week long no contact rule is going to have to change. One thing that we have already established is the fact that your ex boyfriend is using you emotionally to feel better about himself.
He does this by manipulating you into making him feel wanted through things like compliments, feelings, etc.
Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend sends you something like this when you are texting him.
(This is assuming that the two of you had some incredible night together in the past.)
A guy (or girl for that matter) who starts “reminiscing” about a good memory in the past is looking for a bit of a boost emotionally. I know this because this is what I teach women to use on men to get them reminiscing of the good times.
Well, if an ex boyfriend is using you emotionally then it is a safe bet that he is using something like the text message above to elicit a response from you that gives him an ego boost. So, don’t give him that ego boost.
- Don’t compliment him
- Don’t respond emotionally
- Don’t jump through his hoops
“But what if I he never talks to me again if I do this?”
You do realize that this fool is using you, right?
Hey, sometimes in order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy. Besides, you can’t have a real relationship with someone who is using you (trust me.)
Now, I am not saying that you can’t ever compliment him. You can, it’s just that you have to make him EARN your compliments.
What do you think I mean by that?
Well, if he gives you a really nice compliment then it is ok for you to return the favor because he will have earned that compliment.
Here is the thing about returning compliments though.
Your return can’t match his serve.
“Wait… I am lost… When did we start talking about tennis?”
A professional tennis player can serve a tennis ball as high as 140 MPH. Obviously, when the tennis player is getting ready to serve the ball there is someone across the net getting ready to return that serve. So, lets say that a tennis player tosses the ball up and serves it at 140 MPH. The person across the net successfully returns the serve but their return of serve isn’t coming back across the net at 140 MPH. It may come back across the net at something like 90 MPH.
140 MPH > 90 MPH
This same analogy needs to be applied to compliments. Lets say that you make your ex boyfriend earn your compliment by him giving you a compliment first. Well, if you decide you would like to return the favor by giving him a compliment your compliment cannot match the intensity of his.
In other words,
If his compliment = 140 MPH
Your compliment has to be = 90 MPH
Do you get it?
He Is Using You Physically
This is really the section that I feel most of you will be interested in.
Even if you aren’t being used physically then I am still sure you are interested in what I have to say here.
So, what is defined as being used physically?
Many of you commonly know it as friends with benefits. In other words, where two consenting people decide not to officially date but still have the physical benefits like sex, kissing, etc. Before I dive in to what I am going to say I just want to give you a quick warning. I am going to be touching on a very complex subject here. I am going to be blunt, truthful and I guarantee that if you are being used physically what I have to say here is going to hurt (you may even cry.)
I am serious, I am not one of those experts that is going to tell people what they want to hear. You came here for the truth so here it is.
Friends With Benefits WILL Fail
It’s the dumbest idea ever.
Whoever thought up the idea of friends with benefits should be slapped. No matter what someone is going to get hurt, guaranteed.
I realize that, that is a pretty bold statement for me to make but let me put it this way. Every single woman on this site who thought it might be a good idea to become friends with benefits with their exes has been hurt. Oh, and that is not an exaggeration. Think about that for a moment.
EVERY SINGLE WOMEN ON THIS SITE WHO WAS FWB WITH AN EX HAS ENDED UP HURT.
That means there is a 0% chance that becoming friends with benefits is going to work in your favor. I remember years ago I used to wonder,
“Why do people think it’s a good idea?”
Well, I have talked to hundreds of women who have been in a FWB type of situation and I finally have my answer. Women think that sex with their exes is going to somehow create some spark and all of a sudden he may commit to them. Maybe they heard some story about how it worked for one person (which I guess is not impossible.)
The only problem is that through this site I can pull out actual statistics of success and here is the OVERWHELMING result:
0% of women who are FWB with their exes end up getting them back.
The truth is that sex is a riskier proposition for women. Every time you become intimate with someone you run the risk of becoming pregnant. Men don’t have that kind of consequence when they have sex. Sure, we understand that you ladies can become pregnant but we don’t actually feel it like you do. Trust me there is a difference between feeling it can happen and understanding it can happen.
So, your olive branch of becoming friends with benefits with a guy means more to you than it does to us. In the mind of a man here is all that goes on,
“WHOA… free sex.”
This leads me to my next point, the slut factor.
The Slut Factor
Men who use women emotionally and physically do have something in common.
They both think that they are above women.
There is one big difference though, men who use women physically will think that the woman is a slut.
Oh, you don’t think that your lovely ex boyfriend could possibly think that about you?
You want to know something about men? We can think a woman is a slut and never tell her. Take me for example. If I think to myself,
“Wow, she is kind of slutty.”
Do you think I would ever tell that particular girl that? I am pretty sure that you could give me truth serum and I still wouldn’t tell her that. However, it would be in the back of my mind at all times. Besides, what guy wants to screw up the prospect of free sex by telling you that you are a slut?
My point is this, any guy who thinks that you are a slut isn’t going to respect you. Sure, they may say nice things to you but in this case you have to always question their motives.
“Do they really mean all those nice things they are saying or are they just trying to get in my pants?”
Food for thought?
The Problem With Friends With Benefits
I am pretty open minded when I do research for this website. I like to take in all kinds of perspectives and then apply it to my own philosophy. In an attempt to try to justify a friends with benefits relationship (which I don’t) I wanted to see what some of the rules were to having a successful one.
I read multiple articles from multiple different sources and eventually came up with three recurring rules that all the articles had in common.
- Don’t fall in love.
- Show emotional maturity.
- No Cuddling.
Lets break down all the little problems that accompany each of these little rules.
Don’t Fall In Love
This one seems to be really important. Any of the guides out there on FWB that were worth reading all included “not falling in love.”
That’s a problem for our purposes because chances are pretty high that if you are trying to get your ex boyfriend back you are already in love with him. Besides, when it comes to something as intimate as sex it is really hard to not fall for the other person that you experience it with.
With everything I know about relationships one thing I see time and time again is that when sex is involved someone is going to get attached and therein lies our problem. Somewhere down the road someone is going to get attached and ultimately end up hurt if their feelings aren’t reciprocated.
Show Emotional Maturity
If you have entered into a friends with benefits type of situation that already tells me that you are not very mature.
Would you like to know what a mature adult would do?
They wouldn’t get themselves into a FWB situation. Now, I don’t know about you but I think it is pretty darn hard to remain unemotional when sex is involved. When it comes to something where you practically give your mind, body and soul over to another human being that is a pretty darn emotional experience.
(God, I sound so corny.)
Here is my point.
I don’t know many women who can remain “mature” when sex is involved and their guy is still allowed to sleep with other women (which is what friends with benefits sets you up for.) If you are cool with the idea of your sexual partner being able to sleep with others then you are more “mature” than I am.
But then again maybe you aren’t because I would never put myself in a situation where I would allow that to happen and you shouldn’t either.
This is kind of a weird rule isn’t it?
Yet somehow it kept showing up on article after article so I decided to include it.
Oh, and just so you know never in my wildest dreams did I expect to be talking about cuddling on this page but I figured I would since apparently it is “essential” to friends with benefits. Now, the FWB experts out there say no to cuddling.
They recommend the (Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam) approach to sex.
In other words, you do the deed and then someone just immediately leaves afterwards. No cuddling necessary.
Here is the problem with that. Sex is this emotional experience, its powerful and it means something, blah blah blah blah blah (you get what I am going for.) Of course, you are going to want to cuddle afterwards. Eventually, the lack of cuddling is going to lead to some hurt feelings and SHOCKER someone is going to feel used.
How To Deal With Friends With Benefits
I am going to assume that you are being used by your ex boyfriend for sex.
Ok, I am going to assume that you are friends with benefits with your ex boyfriend.
Now, what has probably happened is that YOU want something more (him to commit) but he doesn’t want that something more.
(Refer to the “How I Met Your Mother Hook reference” above for more details on how this works.)
The question you are probably wondering is how you can make him commit to you if you are in this tricky situation. Well, the truth is that you can’t make him do anything. However, what you can do is change the rules of the game on him and see how much you really mean to him.
Sounds drastic doesn’t it?
Well, let me ask you something.
Does the man of your dreams only care about sex? Does he only care about using you physically? Something tells me that he doesn’t. Something tells me that the man of your dreams can meet your physical AND emotional needs. Right now your ex boyfriend isn’t meeting your emotional needs. Heck, he isn’t even meeting your physical needs because if you are honest with yourself you know that your physical and emotional needs are almost intertwined.
Right now all your ex boyfriend is doing is meeting HIS physical needs.
So, lets change the rules a little bit.
Stop having sex with him….
No Sex Until He Commits
You want to see how much you really mean to your ex boyfriend (who is using you?)
Take sex off the table and watch what happens.
I know men (especially the ones who use women) and most men will get very upset that you take sex off the table. They will play the victim card. They will make it out like this is all your fault (when it’s theirs.) Some men will issue threats about how they will go out and find ten other women to sleep with. Others may refuse to talk to you for a while. Oh, and my personal favorite are the guys that have the audacity to keep trying to sleep with you after you have made it clear that you won’t.
That’s what I would like to talk about now.
Right now you know what you need to do, take sex off the table. However, it is very important how you deliver this message to your ex boyfriend.
You need to make it clear that you are feeling used by him and that while you enjoyed your time together you can’t do it anymore. Your issue is the fact that he won’t commit to you.
The commitment point is important. Make it clear that this was the prime reasoning for ending the friends with benefits relationship.
Realize that this isn’t meant to have a breakup vibe to it. This is simply you saying that you won’t sleep with him until he commits to you. Nothing else about your relationship has to change. Just the sex part.
Do this and watch the fireworks fly!