Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact?

100 thoughts on “Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact”

Julia

September 4, 2017 at 4:49 pm

I accidentally liked his photo on Instagram
An old photo
Is it considered as breaking the no contact rule?
I didn’t remove the like

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2017 at 7:49 pm

Hi Julia,
It depends..how many days are you in nc now? How active are you in improving yourself and in posting?

MM

August 29, 2017 at 1:08 pm

Hello!

My fiance and I started seeing each other 2.5 years ago.

At that time we were both in the same geographical location – the city – and he had moved here to pursue his dream.

Now, because of money, he has to travel to his hometown to work which is about 3 hours from where we live.

Our week therefore looks like this: M, T, W – he is away T, F, Sa – we are together, Su – I am at work and he leaves to stay in his hometown with his parents.

When this new pattern for our relationship started, he was positive but as time has gone by (it’s now over a year), he has become bitter and negative about work and about driving down on Wednesday night to see me.

Honestly, I struggled with this switch to long-distance and moreso lately, as he is not the guy I fell in love with when he comes at the end of the week. I have told him this but he snaps at me, telling me that he is doing it for our future (which is partly true).

Last week I broke up with him after an argument as I was feeling constantly belittled by him and his tone, and that our relationship was being neglected. I did it by text which we promised we would never do, out of respect to each other.

After sending the text part of me regretted it and the other part was glad. I regretted that I had sent a text, but I was glad he knew exactly how I felt.

The issue was this happened the day before our friend’s wedding in Ireland, and we were flying to Ireland from my fiance’s hometown the following day. So that day (the day before the flight), I was meant to meet another friend of his who I’d never met before as he had – without asking – set me up to go on a 3 hour train ride with her! I was also expected to spend another 3 hours before he came from work, introducing his friend to his mum – again something I was not asked to do and something they were both nervous about!!!!

So I didn’t take the train.

And the response I got from him to the text message was “well if that’s what you want”

I then did about 4 hours of NC (didn’t realise it was this at the time!) before I caved – I felt guilty sending a text to end everything we’d worked for, and part of me also didn’t want to think about him having fun with his friend. Another gigantic part of me also didn’t want to miss out on the wedding.

I called him. No answer. I then texted “please call when you have a minute”.

No call and no text message.

So the following day, I decided to take a flight to Ireland, thinking it would save our relationship. But I didn’t know if he had gone or not so I spoke to his mum who told me he had but he was a mess so she encouraged me to go.

I got on a plane but he still wouldn’t pick up my calls, so his mum called him to come and get me from the airport in Ireland.

He did this but was so concerned with not inconveniencing his friend that I had to firmly ask him to stop the car so we could talk. He said he didn’t have time to call me back and kept saying he “wasn’t happy with my behaviour”. I said that I meant everything I said in the message, my only regret was jumping to the conclusion to end things.

When I asked what he thought he told me curtly “everything you’ve said has been noted”. When I asked how he felt after the text he said “he was hurt and angry because he was losing his best friend”.

We then went to the wedding and had an alright time. There were still times, however, when he had conversations with his friend without me – I put that down to him being socially awkward. Also he told me afterwards that she was apparently bad-mouthing me when they spoke in private – what?!? I’d gone out of my way to thank her for giving us the time together but she was very cold towards me for no reason.

Anyway, we came back and it looked like things had been noted – he didn’t belittle me and he changed his tone when speaking to me.

Things seemed better for a week but then quickly got bad.

Last Monday he dropped the bombshell over the phone that he wanted us to move to his hometown once we’re married – WHATTT?! He lives in the countryside – deers and everything – and I’m a city girl with my family and friends and job here, so I asked how he expects that to work! He had no answer, just that it is cheaper there.

We spoke about it in-depth face-to-face when he came on Thursday and he said he sees two options for our future – we both move to the countryside and he forgets about his dreams in the city (thereby us both resenting each other), or he buys a house in the city which he only lives in 3 days a week and the family we have is raised by me and my family (thereby him resenting me) – how does anyone win here??!

In that conversation I told him outright that if he had said while we were dating that our relationship was going to be long-distance with a view to me moving, I wouldn’t have taken things further with him.

On Saturday we were away from each other and he used the tone. When I made him aware of it, he hung up on me. I didn’t respond and he called back 3 hours later to apologise.

The following day he drove back to where I am to go for a job interview. I had written his application for him as I do this for members of my family and I get some happiness from the task (I’m weird I know!)

He came in afterwards feeling positive about things. I was attentive and interested but at the end of the conversation he said “oh they’ve asked me to come on Sept 7th so I wasn’t planning to, but I’ll drive down for that day”.

Now he regularly forgets things I book for us so we have a shared calendar. In that calendar, we are set to be going to the theatre on that date.

I was therefore very very angry at this point, that he forgot. I raised this with him and he made excuses, before realising that it was true when he looked at the calendar.

I was so upset that I said that he never makes out he drives down for me anymore – only for his friend or for his editing, not for me.

He stood by the worktop while I sat with my head in my hands on the sofa.

He reached out by saying my name a couple of times but I didn’t respond.

He then said “maybe I should go back to my flat”

A few minutes passed and I said “aren’t you going to sit down and talk to me? Or don’t you have the balls?”

I acknowledge that uttering that comment was not my finest hour but I was hurt.

He then left in silence.

I called about 2 hours later but no answer. I then texted that he had left chicken curry on my worktop and I am a vegetarian.. Basically trying to open conversation and maybe even get him to come over.. But no answer.

For the whole of yesterday there was NC.

I decided to change my Twitter status to remove his name from it, but that was the extent of anything to do with us yesterday.

Now this morning he has texted saying he misses me but that I make him very angry sometimes.

I have come across your site today so will try NC but my question is to ask if you think – from his actions – we are actually broken up?

He has also just texted me to ask if we are together – what should I say?

Lastly, it’s his birthday this weekend so I booked a train ticket to see him on Sunday, should I go? If not, I have told his mum I’m coming, should I text her and not him? Doesn’t that make me look bad?

Any advice is much appreciated, thanks for taking the time to read about what’s going on in my heart and mind x

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2017 at 11:50 am

Hi MM,

Since you’re going to his bday, Talk first once you meet in person.. Make it clear with him

Marie

August 28, 2017 at 4:06 pm

Hello there,

My boyfriend and I started dating when we were 18/19 and were together almost 7 years. We had a really good relationship for many years. We have known each other since we were 14 and grew up with the same friends and went to the same university. After 6 years, we decided to move in together and living together was fine except we both got into new jobs that we hated, suffered financially, had a lot of stress and weren’t communicating well. I also found out that he was interested in a girl he worked with. He told me he wanted to go on a break and really figure out what he wants and then he finally broke it off three months later. When he broke up with me he told me he just wants to be single and do his own thing without having to answer to someone. He said that if we break up and get back together, our relationship would be better than ever because we will know 100% that we are the ones for each other (He questioned this because we both have only ever been with each other). When we first broke up, he immediately started hanging out with the other girl. After some time of NC he told me that he doesn’t have feelings for her but that shes a friend and an easy lay. He said that initially he thought he had feelings for her but then realized she is just a friend or f** buddy. After two months, we decided to meet up and we had an amazing day together. He said he was still figuring out what he wanted but that he wasn’t as confused anymore and that if we get back together our relationship will be stronger because we will no longer take each other for granted, etc. Since that meet up we talked casually here and there but nothing serious. He then moved into a new condo and invited me over to come and see it after three months of our break up. When I saw him I asked him a lot of questions. He told me he invited me there because he sees a life with me some day, he plans on marrying me, he sees me living there one day, that he feels like this is temporary and he’s more or less trying to figure out when hes ready to be with me again, etc. We discussed that he hasn’t felt the loss of me because we were talking casually on and off. He decided that we shouldn’t talk whatsoever so he can raelly feel the loss of me and figure out what he wants. I told him that he needs to hurry up because he’s losing me and he seemed pretty shocked but said “I don’t want to rush this because if we get back together I’m in it forever. When I left I said “Can I leave here believing in my heart that it is very likely that we will be together again some day” and he said Yes and we kissed goodbye.

It has now been a month since that conversation. We haven’t talked at all and I still haven’t heard from him but I know he is still spending a lot of time with the other girl and doesn’t seem to be slowing down. At this point, I can’t figure out what to do. I don’t know if he knows he wants to be with me but is waiting until he has a new job (he works with her) because he knows I would have a problem with him working with her. Or if he just wants to be single and doesn’t want to be in a relationship, but when he gets to a point that he wants to settle down, I’m the one?

At this point I feel like its been 4 months and the NC is only going to grow us further apart. I cannot see how removing me from his life after all this time will give him some sort of answer. Do I continue NC until he reaches out? Or should I try to see him again and ask for a final answer? Is it possible that he will still come back to me?

Thank you!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2017 at 8:10 pm

Hi Marie,

Don’t let other people think that you’re going to put your life on hold like that for them. He’s doing his own thing, enjoying, growing, while you’re waiting? If I we’re you, talk to him one last time and make it clear, if he still says he needs time and someday whatever, tell him, I’m sorry, but I’ve already put myself in a disadvantage here. I thank you for all the memories but I need to move on. And then do at least 30 days no contact rule.. start moving on without totally moving on.. if you still want to try after that… slowly rebuild rapport but continue improving yourself and continue being active in posting in social media

Mishelle

August 28, 2017 at 2:54 am

What if he doesn’t use social media? Will this still work?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2017 at 7:09 pm

He’ll probably get curious and check your accounts so make your posts public

Georgina

August 28, 2017 at 2:10 am

Hi Ex Boyfriend Recovery! Tbh, I have known this site last June when I’m trying to get my ex back who chose his ‘bestfriend’ over me. In short, he left me for that girl who only supplied his attention needs when I was not around. So yeah, I got him back over a day after fighting for him.

But this last Aug. 17 was the worst one on history. A day after our 3rd anniversary, we had gotten into a heated fight and roughly is my fault. I said a lot of mean things to him that crushed his ego. I was freaking sorry about what happened but he decided to break our relationship bcoz of it and my paranoia of him talking to his freaking mistress during our reconcile. We still talk up to this day but the casual ones. But I somehow divert it into our relationship and look stupid and pityful. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to do the NC and the UG but I’m just afraid that he’ll forget about me. His wish to me was to be happy and strong bcoz if I did, it will assure him that I’m fine and finally leave my life. Help! I’m confused as hell!

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2017 at 7:09 pm

HI Georgina,

That’s good that you know that you’re beautiful.. Being physically beautiful is just one part of being an ungettable girl. Improve other aspects of your life. Join new workshops, volunteer, improve your skills. Do new things and meet new friends.

Julia

August 21, 2017 at 8:00 pm

Dear chris
Few years ago I contacted you regarding my ex and you helped me a lot
Now I’m facing another problem,I really hope that you will help me as well
I met a guy about 4 weeks ago,and we stared going out immediately and kissed from the second date and spent all our days together
He clicked so much and understood so much like I ve never understood anyone
When I asked him that I need to know what are we he told me he doesn’t know but he likes me so much and he doesn’t want to involve me into his life problems,and he can’t give me an answer right now(it was a day before I traveled)
When I traveled he was very weird for me for few days,saying he has work and those stuff he is busy and so on
After few days he told me that his mom is in hospital(which he lied about because I found out she was ok)
I didn’t directly tell him
That he was lying but indirectly he understood that I know the truth(he knew how lying thing is a red zone for me)
So then he told me he can’t be with but he really wants me ,he doesn’t want to involve me into his life problems and it’s better if we end it

It really broke my heart,because I be never found a person who I thought was that sincere and real with me
We clicked with everything,same
Interests,same life problems,same experiences ,same taste,same way of thinking
I really don’t know what happened,I didn’t see it coming
And now it’s ve been few days and we didn’t talk
I want him to come back and regret that he left me that way
What can I do?
Is the no contact rule applicable?
(Like we didn’t officially dated)
Plus he always checks my Snapchat first(while he doesn’t check other people stories,he checks few people only ) and he likes my photos on Instagram
Please help me
I can’t accept the fact that he just lead me on
Thank you

Julia

August 29, 2017 at 8:01 pm

He texted me today when I arrived to my country
Saying “welcome back glad you had a safe flight” it was my 11th day of no contact rule.
I answered
“Thank you dear”
Do I have to start the nc Again?
And I don’t really know what to do when he texts me during the no contac rule? I’m scared not to answer so he might think I’m mad or I moved on and he won’t text me again

Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2017 at 12:29 pm

If that’s the only text you replied, carry on..just dont answer again next time
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 9:57 pm

Hi Julia,

yup you can still do the no contact rule.

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100 thoughts on “Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact”