By Chris Seiter

Published on September 1st, 2021

The ultimate question we get from people who got dumped is whether their ex will come back after dumping them.

This article will analyze what you should expect after getting dumped by your ex and how likely they will come back to you. We will explain the conditions that need to be present to make that perfect cocktail that makes them want to come back.

Firstly, we need to address if guys always come back after they break up with you.

The truth is that most guys will at one point consider coming back after dumping you but that doesn’t necessarily mean they will act on it. Deciding whether or not to come back depends on many different factors like the reason for the breakup and if they can find someone they think is better than you.

This might often be swept under the rug, but it is a known fact that guys will consider coming back to you at some point; however, it depends on what actions you’ve taken until that point.

Since most of our clients have anxious styles of attachment, it means that they tend to act very anxiously after a breakup.

They are the ones that blow up their ex’s phone after a breakup, show up to their workplace, obsessively stalk them on social media, or even buy them nice gifts to win them back. These are the behaviors that will give a poor reflection of you to your ex by the time they think of getting back together with you.

The opposite of this is also true.

When you do not exhibit these behaviors and outgrow them, you all of a sudden look like a much more attractive candidate. However, that does not necessarily mean they’re going to act on it. Thinking about it and acting on it are two completely different things.

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The Five Factors That Need To Be Present For Your Ex To Want To Come Back

Luckily for you, this entire article will be dedicated to the factors that need to be present for your ex to act on that ‘want’ of getting back together with you.

We have shortlisted 5 factors that make men want to come back after breaking up with you.

  1. They Need To Be Miserable Without You
  2. They Need To Feel Like You Don’t Need Them Anymore
  3. They Need To Feel Like They Have Competition
  4. They Need To Feel Like You Empathize With Them Better Than Anyone Else
  5. They Need Constant Reminders At What They Are Missing Out On

Let’s dive in.

Factor Number 1: They Need to Be Miserable Without You

Everyone is familiar with the grass is greener syndrome.

We’ve discovered through our success stories that most of the time when a guy breaks up with a girl, it is because they think the grass is greener on the other side, but usually, it’s not.

Things begin to grow stagnant when they are in a relationship; hence, they start daydreaming about how much better it would be with another person.

Hence, they break up with you to pursue the new person, and even if they start dating the new person, comparisons start to draw between the two relationships.

Eventually, they feel like they made a gigantic mistake breaking up with you. Factored into this scenario is the concept of regret.

We witness regret happen a lot when we interview our success stories, and in most cases, they feel they outgrew their ex while their ex was regretful about how the breakup went down or how they treated them.

This leads them to try to rectify that.

Factor Number 2: They Feel Like You Don’t Need Them Anymore

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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One of the embedded facts that go along with the territory of you breaking up with someone else is a certain amount of ‘I’m better than you’ being involved.

We often mention ‘winning the breakup,’ which means that the person breaking up with you wants to feel like they’re doing better without you after the breakup.

There’s also this obsessive need men have to want to feel wanted by you even after the breakup.

As we’ve mentioned, usually, our clients have an anxious style of attachment, so those anxious types of behaviors indicate to an ex that they still care deeply about a relationship. When the ex thinks you care deeply about the relationship, it makes them think you want them more than they want you.

However, if you flip the switch and make them feel unwanted, they start to think if they made a mistake.

Factor Number 3: They Need to Feel Like They Have Competition

This is ironic because we mentioned the grass is greener syndrome in the previous point; however, it comes to play oppositely.

If your ex breaks up with you, they’re doing it because they think they can do better than you; hence they go out and explore ‘better’ options.

However, the opposite can also be true.

They will realize that their ex will not wait for them forever, which can be solidified by you going on dates with other people (which we strongly recommend in our ex-recovery program).

They realize that you are a hot commodity, and they have competition from other men.

This lights a fire in them and makes them feel like that they might have made a mistake. Sometimes, it just simply boils down to them wanting what they can’t have, especially if someone else seems to have it.

Factor Number 4: They Need to Feel Like You Empathize with Them Better Than Anyone Else

People always ask us about how to build attraction with their ex and how to have that perfectly meaningful conversation that reignites romantic feelings.

The only word that can distinctively describe what you’re going for here is ‘empathy.’ Your ex needs to feel that you understand them better than anyone else in the world.

When you empathize with them, understand their worldview, and repeat their worldview back to them, your ex will look at you like you can read their mind.

In reality, you are just a really good detective, can understand what your ex is thinking and why they act the way they acted.

Most importantly, it builds trust. Your ex will want to open up to you about deeper feelings because they feel like you understand them.

Additionally, the history you share has an added benefit and sense of familiarity that makes you their best candidate to get back.

Factor Number 5: They Need Constant Reminders at What They Are Missing Out On

If you are not on board at the social media train, then get on board. It is a key component and strategy for winning your ex back.

This is because you can create a reminder every day if you choose to prove and show your ex what they’re missing out on.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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What they’re missing out on is to be with you in all the amazing things you’re doing.

We’ve gone over the holy trinity in many articles and videos before, that is, health, wealth, and relationships.

You will need to use these on social media by posting something wealth-related like a job promotion, something health-related like gym pictures, and something relationship-related, which does not necessarily have to be a romantic thing.

It could be friends, family, or even related to a new date.

The key component is to do something interesting in all of these areas, which will make your ex wonder that ‘I could have been with her during this thing.’

This creates a bit of jealousy, but it also makes them realize that they might have made a mistake.


If you’ve been following our articles and videos for a while now, you must have figured out that different dynamics play a role in different relationships.

Guy-to-girl breakups or girl to guy breakups will obviously have different mechanisms about winning back an ex; hence we thought this was an important piece to put out.

We have established that guys do consider coming back to their ex after a breakup at some point. Now it is up to you to make the best of this situation and not let your anxious tendencies ruin your progress.

A shift towards a more secure attachment style and following the correct strategy is enough to ensure that your ex acts upon the feeling of getting back together with you instead of just thinking about it.

There are five main factors to encourage your ex to get back with you.

  1. They need to be miserable without you: Mostly, guys break up with girls to pursue better options. Things have become very normalized and stagnant in the relationship, so they rush to other options. This is where they realize they might have made a mistake when regret rushes in as they constantly compare the new relationship and you. This makes them miserable; hence you being secure and outgrowing them will draw them further towards you.
  2. They feel like you don’t need them anymore: As we mentioned outgrowing in the previous point, which is essential to this factor too. When you outgrow them and exhibit secure tendencies, they again think they have made a terrible mistake. They suddenly feel like they are not ‘winning’ the breakup anymore, which can be solidified by you doing well in your life and not letting your anxious tendencies catch up to you and be exposed.
  3. They need to feel like they have competition: Men have a compulsive need of having competition. Therefore, you should follow our ex-recovery program and go on dates with other people after a breakup, especially if you want your ex to want you back. Seeing you put yourself out there makes them worried that you will not wait around for them forever; hence they start to think more seriously about acting on the impulse of getting back together with you.
  4. They need to feel like you empathize with them better than anyone else: When you empathize with your ex and present their worldview back to them, it shocks them and makes them think that no one in the world knows them better than you. They feel like you have superpowers and think that if my ex knows me better than anyone else, she is the best candidate to date.
  5. They need constant reminders of what they are missing out on: We recommend using social media in most of our programs and techniques because it is an effective way to communicate to your ex indirectly. The holy trinity of health, wealth, and relationships combined with the tool of social media is your perfect toolbox in making your ex sulk over what they are missing out on. Posting positive updates regarding the holy trinity will create envy within your ex, pushing them to think that they made a mistake.

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