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Cindy Laviola
September 1, 2016 at 2:52 am
Hello, so me and my bf broke up 5 days ago. He said he’s never fallen in love with me and he is just pretending until 5 days ago, I asked him what’s wrong and he told me that he was afraid to reject me and break up with me because I’m such a cry baby. Wa agreed on being friends tho. We do keep in contact daily for this 5 days. Mostly I texted him first. His responses were okay but not much asking me about anything. So I don’t really reply much and reply 3 or 4 hours after I got his reply. Yesterday morning we texted a little bit, just a few lines. And I stopped replying him at 10 am or something. But last night, he texted me, saying that his store is opening tomorrow (which I knew already) and told me that he told his mother about us breaking up and his mom said it’s his lose. He started asking me what if his decision about breaking up with me was wrong and what’s next. I just answered friendly but not much asking. Until I said I was gonna forget him (well actually forget my feelings to him, not the person) because i’m doing NC so I don’t want to sound so desperate. He said that he originally has feelings for me and wanted to make things work again with me but hearing me saying that made him feel he had lost his hope and feelings for me again (what). I told him that I wasn’t saying about forgetting him but my feelings to him (bcs we agreed on being friends). I asked him about coming back together. But he kept saying that we had lost hopes now (which we had in the beginning of today’s texting session). He brought up about me deleting some of our pictures on instagram (in fact he did it first, but still kept 1 photo of us together). He said he deleted it because he wanted to know if he will miss me if he deleted them and he said he missed me, but not after me telling him about moving on. And now he has deleted that ONE picture of us together. I feel like my hope is gone. He said maybe we are done for sure now because some friends already knew about us breaking up (which he said not to tell anybody else first). But he did say things like “for now i can’t accept you again, but maybe in several months later, idk”. What should I do? Do you think he still wants me and waits for me to approach him first? I’m afraid NC for 30 days will totally make him moves on completely from me. Or he really wants to forget me.
Cindy Laviola
September 2, 2016 at 7:04 am
It’s kinda true….. sucks. So i should stop then? 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 5:35 pm
why not try no contact rule as the last step.. if it doesn’t work, then at least you know you did what you can before moving on.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 1, 2016 at 1:41 pm
HI Cindy,
I don’t think he’s waiting for you to approach him first because he knows you still love him because he’s the broke up with you. If you kept talking would that make him interested in you again?
AshG
August 29, 2016 at 6:33 am
Hi, so my boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago, we were doing a long distance relationship.. we live about seven hours from each other and so this last time I went to go see him, I was there for 2 weeks. We only dated for 4 months, but for some reason it just felt longer than that. Anyways, he made me feel like I was his Queen, he was always so protective of me and did anything for me… Well, anyways he never seemed like anything was wrong in our relationship at all, he told me he loved me, kissed me every single day… The whole nine yards. Well the night before and the morning of our break up he acted completely normal, made dinner for us.. we watched a movie together, cuddled on the couch, the next morning he kissed me goodbye so he can go to work and said i love you… That night he came home, he walked in and didn’t say much to me, just said he was tired and that we needed to talk about something.. mentioning “I can’t do this long distance relationship anymore”… He even mentioned the “it’s not you, it’s me” BS… But the night of break up, he just didn’t seem to care that we broke up, he told me “my way of coping with things us to pretend like I don’t care” so, my mom bought me a plane ticket to fly back home, but he kept telling me that he didn’t want me to fly back.. he wanted me to stay the extra week I was suppose to stay, because he didn’t want my mom to waste money on a plane ticket… I’m not going to stay somewhere when my boyfriend don’t want me anymore. So I bought a plane ticket back home. I can tell he wanted to cry but he didn’t or at least not in front of me and then the next morning, the morning I left to go home, we didn’t say goodbye or hug or nothing… Well ever since I can’t back home, he’s been ignoring me, he even blocked me on social media, he was talking to a friend of ours and he told our friend that we never have a chance of getting back together. Oh I just remind you before I forget… He has a son from a previous relationship and his ex still contacts him (understandable, they have a son together) but he always talked sh*t about her to me and everyone else… But shortly after our breakup, he unblocked her from Facebook and then blocked me. I’m worried that he’s gonna get back with her or go back to her in some sort of way. When him and I were together, crazy as it sounds… He wanted to have a future with me, we actually planned out future together and for him to go from that to what he is doing now, it really upsets me and confuses me and I am still in love with him. I don’t know what to do. I’m gonna try the no contact rule, I have texted him and called him… Friends have even talked to him for me. He just keeps ignoring me and keeps saying he’s done talking about it and that we will never have a chance back together. I’ve never cheated on him, I’ve never hurt him in any way (that I know of), nothing… I always thought everything was good until that night. Please help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 9:45 pm
Hi Ashg,
how are you now? did he get back with his ex? are you actively improving yourself? looks like you’re a rebound
Alex
August 25, 2016 at 9:25 pm
Hi. I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 11 months now. The beginning of the relationship was amazing as we were both physically attracted to each other. But within the past two months, I have noticed changes in her attitude and feelings. She won’t be as intimate and engaging in conversations like we use to. I know I haven’t been the assertive type during the relationship and ask what’s the matter. Looking back I wish I had done so. This past week we were on a vacation with friends and everything seemed so awkward as we barely talked to each other, even when we were alone. I would try to initiate small talk with her but she rarely extended it beyond that. However, when it came to her friends, she would try and appear to be very happy. The other day she texted me saying that she wasn’t happy and has been feeling like that a lot lately. She doesn’t know what happened to us but feels we are more like friends than anything. I agreed with it and we both agreed we don’t communicate well. She went on to say she doesn’t feel like its working and cant figure out the moment when things changed for her. I wont go much more into it but she also said that it’s her and not me and that even though if I communicate better, her feelings just aren’t the same anymore. She also said she wishes they were but they aren’t. I’m continuing to try and explain to her that I will open up more and become more assertive and that we should figure this out instead of ending it abruptly.
What do you think? Is there a chance that I could rekindle this relationship or do you feel like it is all over?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 29, 2016 at 3:14 pm
Hi Alex,
are you familiar with the no contact rule?
CD
August 24, 2016 at 12:50 am
Hello XBFR,
I broke up w my ex about a year ago. I left bc I was confused and insecure bc of his past cheating. We got into a big argument before he left for deployment & we made up but alot of hurtful things was said which fed my insecurities of him cheating. Everytime we argue he throws in my face how other women would love the lifestyle he provides & dont get me wrong was stable but not why i was w him at all. He always brought up how he wanted a full package w someone who can bring something to the table & on his tax bracket…wow. He said things like that when he was mad. I am going to school to become a nurse & i think he really believes hes better than me in some way. About 8 months after i broke up w him he came back in town to pack up his house & i let him stay at my place instead of getting a room. It was awkward at first but we made love & ended up opening up all over again it was so intense. As it got close to him leaving we got into a huge argument while i was helping him pack his bag from deployment into boxes i found condoms…i tried to hold my composure but that really hurt me. When he returned to Cali i knew he was wilding out like he was having sometype of midlife whore crisis. He even reached out to his ex wife. So upon finding the condoms I just wanted to go home. I shut down. I felt so hurt. He kept saying you left me you broke up w me what did you want me to do? Im single. So we end up getting into this huge fight when he said he wasted his time w me but i know he didnt mean it 6 years is a long time to waste. We had a son he passed in 2012. Now he says that he doesnt even know if he was his bc of past woman trying to pin babies on him. I was so hurt and confused when he said that. We buried him together we were together so i knew for a fact he was his. I felt like he loved me but he didnt want to marry me. He insisted he did but I know he didnt thats another reason why I left because he was on deployment sleeping around w other women. So he goes to Japan in Feb and sends for me to go there in May. I had a fantastic time of catching up making unimaginable passionate love and I leave. He really was shocked that I even went we were both in disbelief that I was actually there. He took me around and everyone knew him hes a chief. Shocking bc he was only there 4 months but ok. Women was very nice asking when we were gettimg marrief and he even introduced me his gf. Wtf? Me thinking and falling all over again thought we was going to work it out. Came back to the states and was still floored and blissful we talked for hohrs everday until yesterday he ask me how would i feel if he told me he was in a relationship and i said I dont know are you and he said kind of. I have been dating and I want to see if it gets serious or if something for me out there. He also say he loves me but he cant get over everything that we have been through even though he put me through it and made me into who i was at the time. He says he wants me to find the perfect guy that he still loves me and has feelings for me but wants to see whats out there. I felt really low. He says i have all the qualities but he cant get over the arguments and everything. Do I even have achance? We have been talking this whole time as friends but since he has told me this he hasnt been talking to me. I asked did he want to say goodbye he said he didnt know. Wow 6 years gone
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 8:58 am
Hi Cd,
so in short he still sees the old you.. and he knows you havent moved on from him.. which lowers your chances… because he knows you’re the chaser.. and with his job, it takes a woman who is really firm with her standards..
Please help me
July 17, 2016 at 5:29 pm
So I was with my ex for 6 years we were supposed to be getting married in June! He has told me to move on and be happy he was seeing a girl behind my back for a month he said he wasn’t happy with me anymore and doesn’t love me anymore! I did no contact and then I contacted him he blocked me on Facebook he sent me a message before he blocked me stating we cannot be friends right now and I need to move on and be happy without him and meet someone else! I am so confused I want him back but is there any chance?
Gigi
August 29, 2016 at 8:40 pm
So me and my ex had dated on and off for the past 5 years. We always end up back with each other somehow, I broke up with him and according to him I broke his heart and he’s been broken. He moved onto a new relationship quickly after the last break up and during his relationship with her came back to me a couple times. At this time I became pregnant, the new gf was a priority and keeping her happy was a priority. He cheated on her after I had the baby and texted me the day after they broke up asking to spend time with me and his daughter. He says he loves me but isn’t In love with me. Mentions I broke his heart a lot, but hugs me like he’s been longing for me, shows me affection when we are together. He does things like nothing ever changed between us. I guess I would just like to know what it seems like he’s doing? Because I’m unsure. He doesn’t speak about how he feels much.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 10:54 am
Hi Gigi,
don’t sleep with him again now if you’re not together.. I think he still sees the old you and he’s doesn’t want to go through the same problems again
Shannon
July 22, 2016 at 6:35 pm
Hi Amor,
Yes, I still haven’t reached our in anyway. We only dated for 3 months though. Does that matter heavily?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 23, 2016 at 9:11 am
in a way because your relationship was short.. but because he said you moved too fast, you need to focus in yourself only during no contact
Shannon
July 20, 2016 at 10:23 pm
Hi,
My boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago and in a nutshell his excuse was “it’s not you it’s me.” Given the explanation here, does that mean there’s no chance of getting him back? It was confusing for me. Looking back I felt like a dog being taken to be put down, like he was being extra affectionate because he knew what was going to happen. He was fine all day then suddenly he sat me down for a talk. My ex says we moved too fast and that he needs his time and space. He hugged me tight and rubbed my back as I cried and held me a while again before I left. I feel like he’s made a big mistake. I have not reached out in any way since because I’ve been told that phrase is the death knell of relationships. Any suggestions? Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 21, 2016 at 7:55 pm
hi Shannon
do you want to do no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 19, 2016 at 1:30 pm
Hi please help me,
this is the one that you should read: The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
and this one
Search ungettable The Ungettable Girl
I think the better choice is to take a longer nc and then just focus in yourself and in meeting new people and dating too
kortney
July 11, 2016 at 10:02 pm
Me and my ex got together when we were in the 8th grade. We were 14 years old, We are now 22. At age 19 he broke things off with me. I was devastated, he said he wanted to be sure I was the one and to find himself. He also thought he was gonna go into the military and didn’t want a LDR. After about 2 months and him getting in really good shape trying to in military he decided we should try again, also because he decided that he didn’t want to do military. At that same time I was moving about 45 mins away for school. So not super long distance but kinda. He would come up once a week to once every 2 weeks. I wanted to see him more and he thought I was to much to handle and broke things off. He said I was to clingy and again that he wanted to find himself and go be with other girls while he was young. He said he didn’t want to wake up 40 and missed out on his whole single life. So for the next 2 years we were friends with benefits, although very close friends with benefits, he moved up to go to the same school as me, we hung out all the time and were good friends. But I still wanted to get back together so every few months I would bring up getting back together he would completely shut me down and say he did not want a relationship at all. So then we would just go back to this weird friend relationship thing we were in. I didn’t really hang out with him and his friends but we hung out all the time I would spend the night all the time. And then when things would get more serious either he would freak out say he didn’t like this relationship because it was to much like a relationship or I would freak out because I wanted to get back together and felt like he was using me. Well over time the fights started happening closer and closer together. I went away for a month to Europe and when I came back this past January he said he wanted to be really close to me. It was the closet thing to a relationship that we had ever had. He said he would never break things off again and that he was sorry but he still refused to call it a relationship. So we were happy really happy for about 3 months and then he started pushing away again needing space and didn’t want to talk. Granted I was clingy I felt I needed to text him all the time and I couldn’t stop he was like a drug. But he hates texting and that’s one of our main problems. So he pushed away again and that freaked me out and finally I exploded on him asking him what we were. Of course that really screwed things up. Since then it hasn’t been the same. We tried to go back for a little bit to friends and having fun but I can never stop myself I always have to bring up getting back together. I started begging him and he got really upset and this past month in June he ended things completely. He still talks to me if I text him or if I ask to hang out he says yes. But he says he doesn’t want to go back to being friends with benefits/ relationship thing we were in. Last night I begged him to just go back to that not even a relationship. I figure I don’t need a label as long as he is around. He of course said no and asked me to please stop. I don’t know what to do. I love him so much. And I know that is cliche but neither of us have never even been with someone else. I tried the NC rule I made it 7 days and gave in and texted him. And well we saw eachother had sex and it led to last night of me begging him. I figured if we had sex he still wanted me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think the NC rule will help I think he will miss me but will be happy that he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore and my begging and asking to be together. I feel like if I would have known about this website when we first broke up and did the NC we would be back together. But here I am 3 years later and i think I have pushed it as far as I can I don’t know if it is possible but I want him so much. Do you think there is even a chance or has to much happened that I should just move on?? Please respond I am so desperate to fix things with him, thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 12, 2016 at 12:51 pm
Hi Kortney,
it’s so sad to read how a girl can lower her standards and her self respect just to feel loved..
If you really want a man to stay, you have to be strong to let him go when he doesn’t meet your standards.. because if you respect yourself, others will too..
do that first kortney. be independent first so you don’t mix up the want to feel loved to true love
read this this articles too:
The Ungettable Girl
Chase Theory: How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Chase You Again
Anne
July 10, 2016 at 8:25 pm
Hello,
I recently ended a relationship with my boyfriend of 1.5 years. It was a very up and down relationship, but it started off perfectly and beautifully. I know I loved him incredibly, and I still do, otherwise I dont think i would sitting here writing you. Over the course of our relationship, he did treat me like a princess in many ways, I felt so special. But as time went on, I noticed things were changing, in a not so good way. In summary, let’s just say, he became verbally abusive, almost physical a handful of times, he disappeared on me maybe 10 times, got into trouble with the law a few times, he posted pictures of me on his facebook trying to humilate me, I also noticed he drank A LOT (I figured he was an alcoholic), and his mood would change a lot, and each time we’d argue or get into a fight, I wouldnt speak to him for a couple days…but in that time, he would instantly sign up for online dating. All these things hurt me so badly, and I swear I was a really great girlfriend to him. None of us are perfect, but I was extremely patient for the drama and chaos he brought into our lives.
Throughout all those times, he would apologize, do the most sweetest things, and I loved him soooo much that I knew I wanted to be with him. But each time I let my boundaries slip away from me, forgiving him, and he probably knew that I’d always be there. A few months before I ended the relationship, I found out he was actually using drugs (cocaine) and is actually an addict. He went into rehab for a month, and this is NOT a part of my world, so I had no idea about any of it. I stuck around to try and help him, and believed he wouldnt use again, but he was lying to me continuously. I couldnt take it anymore.
Anyways the reason I ended it is because of the lies, and I felt like I couldnt trust him anymore, his disrespect towards me, and the stress was too much. I think about him daily, however. Even when I ended the relationship, he accused me of being a hooker and spoke so degrading to me. When I am not even close to being one, and never gave any indication of it. But I didnt want to deal with his paranoid schizophrenia, and invalid accusations again. So I have been in NO Contact.
Over the past 2 months he has apologized, and sent me messages of our memories together, almost on a daily basis for 2 months. But in that time, I have knowledge of what he’s been up to, and he is continuing to call his drug dealer and he has called up escort numbers. I have felt disgusted. Especially the fact that the things he has accused me of, I really believe that it’s because he is the one who thinks of doing such things and does it.
I did not respond back to him, until one day last week I answered his call. I confronted him about what I know and he denies it still although I have proof. I feel he will never change and I thought about all the special wonderful moments we had, talking about life and marriage and the travels we have done, and the time we spent constantly together. I dont understand why this happened.
What I dont understand either is why he said things for 2 months to try and get me back (I did not respond once until last week), and now that ive confronted him, he says he is disgusted by me and to leave him alone and move on. And he’s gone back to calling me a prostitute saying he only liked f*****g me, thats it. And he shouldve gone and hooked up with a girl (who once hit on him infront of me). These things are so hurtful, I cannot forget it. Especially, because I was the one who was wronged and didnt do anything to destroy our relationship. Everyone who knows me, has said I’ve been so patient and kind, that I didnt deserve this….but my question is…..
Why did he wrong me, say the most horrible things to me, then apologize and do sweet gestures, but as soon as I stand up for myself and tell him I know that he lies and I dont believe his words anymore, that now all of a sudden Im the bad guy ? I feel so blindsided. Because now he has blocked me on all his social media (i never blocked him before, I was mature about it).
Thanks, I’d appreciate your insight.
Blank
July 12, 2016 at 10:40 am
Hey.. i followed nc rule. I never felt so free. I started communicating with other people unlike when we were still together. I study hard. I take care of myself. I dont feel so desperate in getting him back again. I also post pictures of me with my frnds. I start to be positv. I sometimes check his fb. He always seek for girls attention but i feel nothng unlike before. I pity him sometimes or maybe im worried. I dont know.. few days more and no contact rule ends. I feel better now.
I was thnkng of contactng him. Should i contact him? I almost forgot. He txtd me bfore our monthsarry he txtd “hi goodeve..” but i ddnt replied. He chat me on fb why didnt i txtd him but i ddnt replied. But on that day i post his fav anime charactr. I just commnt an emoji. My frnd also told me last 2 weeks that he txted her on how am i doing now. Should i txt him when no contact ends? I feel like i dont want to interrupt him again. But i also feel like checkng if hes better now. What should i do? Or What should i say if ill contact him again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 12, 2016 at 6:21 pm
Hi blank,
yeah you can initiate texting: check this article: Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
Anne
July 10, 2016 at 10:48 pm
Thanks Amor,
It’s such a hard thing to do to try and move on, but I have kept strong and know that I dont deserve to be called horrible things, nor treated this way. I dont know why I hang on to some good moments, and I believe he loved me… I guess in a twisted way. He always seemed so proud of having me as a girlfiriend, but when times got tough, I felt alone and betrayed. Maybe the substance abuse has played a large part in that. I am in my mid 30’s and he is too. Plus he has 2 twin boys, I treated like my own, and when I ended the relationship, he blamed me for not caring as I walked away. But I do care, it’s just that I have my dignity and respect too.
Do people like that never change?
I always have hope, but in this case, I think you’re right that he will search for the next girl who falls into this?
Thank you again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 10, 2016 at 9:24 pm
Hi Anne,
it’s because you’re innocent..nothing bad about that.. He just knows it nad he knows how to tickle or push which buttons to manipulate.. sadly, I know a couple of people who are addicts and they act like that too, even worse.. they’re good at sniffung who they can benefit and bully at the same time.. move on from him
lil cat
July 4, 2016 at 6:22 am
hi,
my ex-boyfriend and i broke up about two weeks ago; we dated for exactly fifteen months. he was my third relationship, i was his first girlfriend and everything else. our relationship was actually very good — we got along well, made each other laugh, and were good friends for a few months before he asked me out. i think that’s why i feel so upset… we both enjoyed our relationship and loved each other very much. he was very kind and sweet, and we had one argument (if you could call it that) in the almost year and a half we were dating. we were able to communicate well and we had excellent trust and common interests.
however, his parents were separating about a month or two after we started dating. his mother means well but they don’t get along well at all, and she hates his dad so it’s always been very stressful and tense in his house. he admitted to me that he’s known about his parents’ relationship since he was young but never brought it up with his closest best friends. my ex also liked to avoid hard topics involving his own feelings and worries. he said he understood and greatly appreciated my unconditional support and listening to him, but he liked to shut himself in with things like that.
in january, he broke up with me for a little less than a day after school finals, his parents’ divorce, depression, and other things grew too much. after talking to him the next day, he said that breaking up with me was his last move of self-deprecation, and that it was a mistake the moment he did it. he apologized for hurting me and was aware that it wasn’t okay to say the things he did, or to try and project his feelings about other things onto our relationship. he said he was scared of something, but he didn’t know what. i’ve always felt like maybe he was scared of our relationship turning into his parents (specifically his mother), full of loathing and hate. i hesitatingly took him back, not out of lack of love or sympathy, but because i knew that his being open with what was going on with him would need to happen in order for us to work.
up until june things were perfect. our relationship was strained a little due to schedule conflicts but i thought everything was great. however, as we got more busy, i noticed his lack of enthusiasm in our relationship. he stopped saying “i love you” among the other small gestures he had done for the other fourteen months. we also got into a rut in terms of hanging out — we would do the same things every time and i think maybe that made our relationship almost “boring” to him?
when he broke up with me, he said he had distanced himself for the past few weeks in order to make it easier on me, and that while the first time was a mistake, this time he said he uninterested in being a couple anymore. he said that he still really liked me as a person, but dating wasn’t something he wanted. he said we could still be friends on social media and talk sometimes, but we shouldn’t be “friend friends.” when i started my “you’re a great person, i wish you the best” speech and planned to excuse myself and leave, he got upset and said “so this is it? this is goodbye?” which confused me because he was literally breaking up with me. he said that the last time this happened i acted like he didn’t exist, and it sounded like he was afraid of that again. lastly, he told me that to think about if i want to be friends, but if we are, not to think we will ever get back together. he then told me i’ll have no trouble finding someone else, and the typical “it’s not you, it’s me.” he said he knew it was cliche but that it was the truth; i was “supportive, adaptable, and loving at all times.” i tried to get an answer but he said that even though we were both moving to the same college this fall, it’s just “other things too.”
i did NC from that day, and aside from accidentally seeing his snapchat story twice i haven’t talked to him, checked his profile, or anything else. he’s watched my snapstory a few times but hasn’t made any attempt to talk to me. i plan on working on myself and after the month is over stopping by the grocery store down the street (where he works) and maybe just saying hi, ask him something that will remind him of a good time we had together, and then say bye quickly.
i wanted to ask your thoughts on this, and if i have a chance? i don’t think he’s one to change his mind, but at the same time i feel like this is his fear of commitment due to his parents again… and maybe if i show him how fun and great we were together and hanging out maybe he will remember differently. i want to know if i should attempt to be “friends” in hopes of rekindling it or just cut him out, move on and save the possible heartache. if you have any questions please ask! thank you!!! <3
lil cat
July 4, 2016 at 6:31 am
oh, i forgot to mention that when he did break up with me, i admitted that i had been thinking about breaking up because of the last month of no communication and lack of love, so he thinks that it was kind of mutual. however, when i said that i did think it was something we could work on, he said it wasn’t anything we could, and that nothing i could have done would have stopped it from happening. 🙁 i’m assuming he is referring to him falling out of love with me. he put his hand on my knee and rubbed it to comfort me and asked if i wanted a hug. i asked him if he was okay with doing that and so he gave me one that was exactly like the ones i used to. he started crying after that and when i (feeling emotional and stuff) said he still needed to teach me how to play the drums sometimes, he wiped his eyes and nodded and said okay. he told me to take a nap when i got inside and watch something on netflix and worried that i wasn’t eating much. it was very heartbreaking to see him caring for me like he has for so long while also taking himself out of my life. i feel very confused and part of me believes that this is the end but another part of me feels like he loved me too much and too genuinely to just suddenly… not.
he did say he would be perfectly fine if i dated someone even right away which i found a little saddening. :/
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2016 at 10:06 pm
hi Lil cat,
going there to say hi as a starter, but saying something as a remembrance maybe too much..make the most out of nc for you and for him to miss you once he sees you again
Oli
June 30, 2016 at 10:22 pm
I’ve been dealing with an on again off again relationship for awhile. I’ve posted before but the short story is that it was long distance , we stopped talking , he was/is a huge player the entire time. We started as very close friends which somehow turned into us sleeping together and developing something more. He disappeared, I followed all your rules and he came back. We reconnected a month ago and wound up sleeping together again . I foolishly broke the rule . I recently moved to his town and he’s been reaching out a lot. He went so far and invited me over recently only to renege a couple days later aaying he didn’t want to be a jerk to me and admittedly was only inviting me over becauSe he wanted to have sex with me (his words). Now I’m at a loss. He only wants me for sex but has the respect? Or whatever it is to tell me and stop himself from hurting me again. And to cut it off before he does it. I find this contradictory.. He decided we should now “defer” Seeing eachother. I do not for the life of me know what my next move is to get this guy to give me more than just a friends with benefits situation and look at me as a girlfriend. He used to and nothing changed on my part. Now he doesn’t even want because he doesn’t want to be a jerk . Any advice on this complicated situation ?
Oli
July 1, 2016 at 6:02 pm
Thanks Amor. So should I not sleep with him? Should I go no contact? How do I handle this? Or , is it too late since we’ve already slept together a couple of times ? Should I give up on this one? That seems really crazy because he sleeps with everyone but the only girl he seemed to actually to care for was one whose virginity he took. He still stalks her life but she moved away.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 6:29 pm
oh.. if that’s the case he still loves her.. and maybe he’s looking for somebody like her..
if yiu really want to try…yes to.nc and of course dont sleep with him again
Oli
June 30, 2016 at 11:02 pm
A little more background here is that he hooks up with a lot of women on dating apps but can’t give any of them a relationship. He hasn’t been in one since we’ve known eachother (5 years). And I thought it was because he was shy and awkward. Ours was as close to a relationship as he got. He does fantasize about being in a relationship with this girl he used to sleep with and others but he’s too socially awkward and weird and super shy to approach anyone. I also recently heard that he made out with a guy secretly for 30 minutes when he was drunk. I can’t , and my friends both gay and straight cannot figure this guy out . Is he closeted? Is he a sex addict? Is he just a colossal player who is unsure of his bisexuality ? How on earth so I navigate this without losing my sanity? Is it even possible to get a guy like this to commit? Your tactics definitely worked on him at various points but I wonder if I am wasting my time in the long run here. I always pretend I don’t care and it’s no big deal but that’s backfiring on me recently.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 1, 2016 at 5:09 pm
Hi Oli,
let’s say he felt guilty.. If that’s the case, he’s looking for somebody who will not sleep with him without comittment.. but if he kissed a guy, he maybe bi or gay..
it will only be more apparent if there will be a girl that he will make an effort for without sleeping with her at first.. becaus if he still makes an effort for her without sex then that means he’s not gay(he may still be a bi) and that he just wants a girl with standards
Nik
June 23, 2016 at 9:28 am
Me and my boyfriend broke up for the third time in our relationship and this time I can’t cope with it.We are both college sophomores and we have been dating for a year but it was an on again-off again relationship.The first time he broke up with me to get back with his ex,but after 6 months we got back together again saying that i was the best for him.We dated for 7 months then but during that time we fought and i started nagging a lot,mainly because of my insecurities.He broke it off again at February saying that he couldn’t deal with my nagging anymore and we remained like that for 2 months.During that time though we still talked and we would casually have sex,mainly because I would iniciate it.On April after I told him I couldn’t do this anymore because I loved him,we got back together but under the condition that I woudln’t nag ever again.At first it was perfect we would go out,talk all tha staff but during the exams we both left to go home and study and that’s where I started freaking out when he wouldnt want to talk although I always knew he was a person who wanted his own space.Last week after some fights tha we managed to get through,mainly because he took the first step and apologized or acted like nothing happened,we had one fight in which I threatened to break it off but he agrreed and we were off again.I later met him,I thought he was just very angry but he told me that I didn’t change and that he couldn’t take it anmore.He suggested we have a friendly attitude towards each other but that’s when I lost it,went with him at his house and threw a tantrum screaming and slapping him acussing him that he never loved me or cared for me.After that he became furious and no matter how many times I texted him or called me he will either won’t respond or respond very coldly telling me to leave him alone and that I am not a part of his life anymore or that we need to move one and never talk again.I asked him if he missed me and said no although I dont really believe it,I know he doesn’t miss the nagging and all,but we had some good moments too.Also the night we broke up something very serious happened to me and when i called him he came running to help me,even though he didn’t take me with him but took me at my friend’s house,a move that my friends told me was terrible because he could take me with him.The point is that it took me a while to realize the damage I’ve done to myself and this relationship.I know he is not hurt,he told me,he just couldn’t stand me.I think that he trully forgot about us and our good times and he was the one who told me that we are never ever getting back together.I miss him a lot and in order for us to be together I want to stop nagging,but he wont even talk to me and it breaks my heart.I called him almost crying and he was so cold,but somewhat angry at me and told me that he has an on-off switch when it comes to feelings.I know I am a girl of sentiment and hi is a logical guy but i miss him like hell and i regret everything i have done so far,even though he hasn’t always been perfect.
Upset and lonely
June 19, 2016 at 1:13 am
My ex boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years. We have 4 kids. He use to be very jealous in the beginning, but he has calmed down sense then. He was like that cause his ex cheated on him. At the beginning of our relationship I was the one working while he stayed at home with (at that time one kid). He had a bad…. Very bad drinking problem. He ended up calming down with the drinking later on. But he use to care what I was doing or where I was going, or even who I was with. I love him and still do. But time has changed, we had more kids and then he stared working. So with so many kids and there is/was nobody that could/would babysit, I had to stay home with the kids while he works. I’m fine with that, but now I have no family or friends. He pays for everything, and now that we are broke up I have nowhere to go. I mean I have nowhere. I could stay at a homeless shelter, but I really don’t want to do that. Before we did break up, I could feel the change in him. He started acting different, talking different, he could be down right mean sometimes. He’s not the talking type of guy, so it took me a week to get it out of him. He says “I’ve been in a relationship for so long that I would like to be single.” But he “wants me to stay living here” ( he says cause I have nowhere to go). Its hurting me so much to see him everyday and night, and not to be able to hug, kiss, or even say I love you to him. I still do all the girlfriends things for him, cause in some ways he needs that. But all I want to do is throw myself at him. I can’t do that. I so don’t know what to do. Should I try the ungettable girl, or not? How can I do that while living in the same house. And PLEASE, what does he mean by I just want to try being single? Is it the fact that he wants to “try some strange?” I’m just so unsure what to do…. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 6:07 am
Hi Upset and lonely,
how old are the kids? How young is the youngest? Because I think you can work outside, and them hire a babysitter or hire a relative… You have to talk to him first calmly.. Tell him you understand him and you’re going to give him space and then don’t have sex with him again.. You have to look for work, unless you’re still nursing a baby. If you are, try to do online business. Find a way, that you can have your own income, because even if you separate, by law, he will have to provide for the children right? So, all you need to worry about is your personal income and also of course as a financial support to your kids too.
I don’t know everything of course, but it looks like everything started out wrong. First he was possessive, and then drunk and then now that he has his own life outside home, he wants to be single. It’s like there’s no respect for you as a woman anymore and now you’re still relying on him for affection.. You need to rebuild your life back while he’s living his.
Sad
June 16, 2016 at 3:00 am
My boyfriend and i have been together almost 10 years. We have had a lot of ups and downs during our relationship. Hehas 2 kids & I have 1. His daughter and I use to get along, but then became very jealous of my daughter & I. She has caused a lot of fights over the years & went away to college. Things were a lot better, but when she came home it was like walking on eggshells around her. He thought that being away would make her more mature, but that didn’t happen. She will come in the house & say hello to him, but won’t acknowledge us at all. He will then take it out on me & start a fight. She even has a boyfriend, but that her attitude towards my daughter & I never changed. A couple of weeks ago we were out & a friend of his was there. She’s married, but very flirty. At one point she had her hand on his thigh. We left & he started a fight with me because we had to leave. It got heated were he started calling me names & I said go back if you want someone to touch your leg. He got out of the car locked me out of the house & wouldnt let me in. He proceeds to tell me to egt my shit & get the “F” out. I got my stuff & left. I didnt talk to him for a week & called him. He called me back & was stand offish at first but then sounded sad. I asked if we could talk sometime & he said yes. We talked on Monday & he was so mean telling me he doesn’t love me & never did. I’m the one that got my stuff & he never wants to talk to me again. He said that he’ll miss my daughter like hell, but wont miss me at all. What do I do?? Was this said out of anger or did he really mean it???
Blank
June 25, 2016 at 1:06 pm
June 19. I commntd a quote on his post! Forgv me! i cant help it! I have to start again.. Then he started to like my photos. But i chat him on fb not to post anythng about us. Then he started to get angry. He told me that it wasnt for me.. i thnk he havnt forgv me. i also opened his fb acc. He adds grls on fb and chat with them. I just read it but i ddnt chat with them just like what i did bfore. and then i never bother to open it again. I thnk they are already frnds before he broke up with me..
hes in a different school now.. i thnk his happy now that no ones annoying him and hes with this indpndnt grl unlike me. Its just too lonely that he left me alone while he left in peace?. Im a loner. But now ive started to communcate with others. Im tryng to focus on my studies to dstract myself. Im tryng to be indepndnt.
I dont know why im crying.. im confused. Wether i should get him or not.. i love him but i also feel like giving up. I thnk i have no place on his life.. memories maybe.
So fool to believe that i want him to be my frst and last but someday ill be moving somewhere else to study.. even if we get back together we will be in a LDR for many years.. i dont want him to get hurt. Its my fault for being too possesive. I thnk its better to wait for the right time.. i love him so much but… i think its better if i let him go.? Dont want to get hurt. I just want him to say goodbye proprly i thnk thats what i need… I thnk im not ready for this kind of relationshp. I want to find myself.. i want to moveon.. confused..
Btw..Thanks for replyng on my commnt.
Blank
June 19, 2016 at 8:06 am
Hi.. its been 6 days since i started no contact rule. He told me last month that we should be friends after having an on and off relationship for almost 3 years. I got angry because i think he made that decision for him to stay single and be friends with other girls w/c she doesnt usually do. I dont want to lose him so i agreed. June 12 He went to our house to send me gifts. I even kissed him. He told me that he will court me again. I ask him if how loyal is he. He told me that he wasnt sure. So we fight again i told him not to court me. He asked me if he can accompany me to school. I agreed but i told him that im still angry at him. He went home in the city where he lives now. Ldr. I dont know why hes so caring and so good to me he said that he wil always be there when i need something. He treats me like im his younger sister. I dont know why but i think his acting strange thats why i opend his fb acc and he exchanged nmbrs with that girl. I chat w/ the girl using his fb. I know that it was the worst thing ive ever done! He doesnt txt with other girls excpt when he needs somthng important. I also saw the girls profile i thnk shes broken w/ his ex. I txted him and he told me that they were just frnds that he treats everyone his frnds! When i told him what ive done w/ his fb acc he got mad at me and he told me not to txt him again bcause he will never ever reply. The next day. I told him how sorry i am for what i did. He ddnt replied. And i started no contact rule.. maybe it will help me find myself. Yesterday, the fifth day of nc he posted how lonely he was. He said. “U left me and now your snobbing me. I give up” some commented on his post. and this morning i posted my pictures in fb w/c i dont usually do. I become positv. I bet hes angry at me..I dont know if hes going out w/ that grl. But even if its only 6th day i dont feel broken and lonely unlike the other days.. i even cry at school. Can i still get him back? I dont want him to feel bad. But i after posted my pictures he didnt like any of them even if hes online.. what if he snob me after the no contact rule.. or what if he finds a girl in his school who would comfort him? Should i just moveon….
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 21, 2016 at 3:37 pm
Hi Blank,
if he said that, then in a way he has forgiven you.. And I think if he finds a new girl, that would be rebound.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 18, 2016 at 10:52 am
Hi Sad,
it may be out of anger and pride but right now, you have more reason to do nc because of that
Kristi
June 5, 2016 at 11:58 am
So my (now) ex-boyfriend and I are both going to be Juniors in college. We had been dating for almost a year and four months. We were very happy the first half of the relationship, but one month about halfway through the 16 months of dating, I found out that he had been casually talking to a girl he used to “talk” to. It was just casual, and she texted him first, but he still responded. He never said anything that made me doubt him, but after this instance, I had trouble trusting him and worried a lot for the remainder of the relationship. This led to fighting almost every other week. A lot of the fights were minor and every night we would go back to normal and wake up fine, but towards the end, the fights got more frequent. He ended up breaking up with me about a week ago. He said that he “doesn’t want to be romantically involved” with me for the rest of his college career. He said that all of the fighting hurt him. I realize that it’s only been a week, but the breakup has really opened my eyes to what I did wrong and I have changed. I have done no contact for a week. We had a texting conversation yesterday and it was brief but just small talk. What should I do? Do I have a chance at getting back with him before school starts in 2 and half months?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 4:35 am
Hi Kristi,
actually I think a week was too short. how are you now?
Sophie
May 31, 2016 at 8:41 am
Me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago he was seeing a girl behind my back we were supposed to be getting married in 6 weeks and called the whole thing off I have bombarded him with texts and he has said we need to go our separate ways and move on he doesn’t love me like he used to. He said we had a great relationship but can’t go any further with it we were together 6 years dies he mean it when he says we will never be together and to move on? I haven’t started Nc yet
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 8:15 pm
Hi Sophie,
it depends on when he said it, it can be that it’s out just of being annoyed.
Niena Mohd Hatta
May 29, 2016 at 11:18 am
I am confused with my ex. He constantly repeating he hates me and we will never ever be back together. He used bad words and such. But sometimes he can talk politely. I dont know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 31, 2016 at 7:30 am
HI Niena,
have you done no cotact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 25, 2016 at 8:37 am
Hi Lil bit,
it’s been a toxic relationship and besides, it’s like he’s bullying you… please start no contact and do it for yourself to heal and regain self esteem. Heal and imprve fisrt before thinking about how to get him back
Confused
May 20, 2016 at 4:09 pm
I’m so confused. I did bc 2 days ago but when I went to go back to do my everyday routine I didn’t see him but he saw me he came by and said hi to me he had a friendly approach. But what confuses me was why is he being friendly to me now 2 days ago when I saw him to give him something he was cold I made a stupid mistake and ask him for a hug in which he declined. But yesterday he saw me he could have avoided me but instead he said hi to me , I said hi back but it was not as happy sounding just a normal hi I didn’t look him in the eye I glanced at him and looked down . He made a comment that I should keep going as I was in the middle of working out and I was contributing and then he just walked away normally. What was that about ? Why did he come to me to sAy hi to me when he couldn’t text me or he tried to avoid me before? I dnt understand. And before NC I admit I was trying to look for him by contacting his sibling n friends but they all gave me the same answer like they said he hadn’t talk to them which seem to be unlikely that he contacted no one … I’m so confused and devastated right now I really want to just send him a text or something to ask to meet up to talk but I don’t know. He was friendly yesterday but maybe I was too cold? I didn’t smile at him could that made him hate me? Everyone is ignoring me .. We been together for almost 3 years and we lived together, we were engaged too .. Im so hurt right now . I was trying to do the NC but then saw him yesterday now I’m all confused about him. Did he miss me bc I didn’t talk to him for almost one in a half to 2 days ? Why did he say hi to me then not want to talk about the relationship and then just left after saying hi ? How do I know if he still cares about me or not ? What should I do at this point? If I try to contact him to meet up to talk which idk if he would agree to .. And if I do how should I say it? What is the best thing to do to get him back … I feel that this is so difficult right now especially when family are involved .
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 25, 2016 at 12:58 pm
Hi Confused,
just be polite.. did you approach him or ou continued with nc?
Maisy
May 18, 2016 at 11:01 pm
I am confused. We are both in our 50s, he has never been married but had a couple long term relationships, I am divorced. We started dating after he pursued me from an online dating site. I had been dating a lot of guys – but no one that I was serious about – and mostly one dates (by my choice). Well this guy really got to me – like I feel he is the ONE, so I stopped dating anyone else to focus only on him about two months ago.
Shortly after we started dating he got sick – and I mean REALLY sick (i.e. life changing sick). I happened to be away on business when we found out. I honestly had to consider if I wanted to take on this extra bit of life for someone who I had just met a couple of weeks earlier. I weighed my options, talked to a couple of my best girl friends, and decided he was worth the extra effort that may come with the new life issues.
I did not see him much as he was recovering (he did not want me to see him like that) – but we talked and texted at least daily. When we finally did get to see each other it was fantastic – I felt like I was falling hard.
Now the real issues. He does not want me to hang out with any male – no matter how innocent. I work in an extremely male dominated field, and therefore if I am traveling for work, my co-workers tend to be men. He wants me to eat alone, just stay at the hotel, etc… When I did go out with a GROUP, he got extremely mad at me and told me that all of the men really only wanted to have sex with me (no one made any “moves” – it was professional). There have been a couple of other situations where I thought it was completely innocent and he got mad. He thinks I need validation from men since my break-up with my last relationship (a nearly 5 year boyfriend/girlfriend relationship were we grew apart). He is also very upset that I let my girlfriends know about his life changing issues from his sickness (remember I was seeking guidance at the time – though he is right it was not my story to tell, but too late now).
Let me add – he had his best friend in the world just pass away from something similar (though not exact) to his illness – literally 2 weeks ago.
Yesterday we had a couple of very nice conversations over the phone – and I thought he was coming over later. Then he called to “talk”, he started bringing up all of the stressors in my life right now (and I have several – but I am handling them) – and started bringing up all of the men I have “seen” since we started dating (again – not one had one iota of romance or sexual attraction involved). He started getting madder and madder over stuff that happened 25 years ago (and of course he did not even know me until two months ago!) and finally ended up hanging up on me.
I tried to call back – and sent a text asking if he hung up on me (we have lost connection before) – no answer. I sent him a lengthy email explaining my life 25 years ago – and let him know how much I care about him – no answer. This morning I sent him a text making plans as if nothing had happened – no answer. I tried calling once this afternoon – no answer.
I am devastated. Nobody is perfect and no relationship is perfect but I really thought (still think) he is THE ONE. On reflection maybe he is upset with his life in general (i.e. getting sick, best friend passing away) – and projecting that onto me – maybe??
I am not going to contact him again (I hope I am strong enough) – for now – IF he does contact me how should I react – IF he does not contact me how long should I wait and what should I say when I do.
He thinks I am gorgeous – talks of marriage in the future (even mentioned having to have a pre-nup when he was yelling at me over the phone last night). I think he is so smart, strong, handsome, caring – the one for me…
HELP! I do not want to lose him (I do not even know if we have “broken up” – as a hang up is not really definitive).
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 7:41 pm
HI Maisy,
I’m not sure how to approach a guy like him because if it really is his character to forbid from talking to men, then you have to think twice because that’s abusive.. but if it’s because of the meds, then give him some time
Annonymous
May 12, 2016 at 4:33 pm
I and my boyfriend were together for two months. Initially he liked me a lot and used to spend a lot of time with me. But when I started getting too much into him, he started to pull away. I kept on going behind him. At one point I provoked him to have a break up as he was never spending time with me at all. He immediately broke up with me, which came to me as a shock. I went behind him crying and pleading to take me back. He got so annoyed and he told me that he can’t handle me and my annoying behavior and not to bother him again. In between, his friend tried to take advantage of the situation and when I tried to inform this to my boyfriend, he considered that as annoying too. Now his friend and him think I am a psycho and all fault is mine. I know once he really loved me and things went bad lately. Is there a point in me contacting him after 2 months when everything is cooled down?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 4:50 am
Hi Anonymous,
if you decide to do no contact first for two months, do that first before thinking about contacting him… focus on yourself, improve yourself, and be active in meeting new people.
Friendlyk
April 29, 2016 at 11:57 pm
Well here it goes ,
Me and my ex boyfriend dated in 2012 and broke up at the end of 2012 , he dated someone new but he then dumped her , and we got back together in 2013. He then broke up with me again in 2014 without reason. So in 2015 , after begging him and being rejected , i decided to move on , he first contacted me wishing me happy birthday and said he was surprised that i didn’t wish him on his birthday
… the next few days he contacted me asking if he could get music from me , which is weird since he get like get music from anyone else or you know download it? but anyway from there we started a fwb relationship which led him to live with me due to problems at home.
We got closer and closer until two weeks ago , we ended things because he said he wanted to move back and frankly he has never ask me to be his gf but he sleeps face to face with me , tell his friends i’m his gf but says we are not labeled when we are alone , he even lets me hang with his family , he brings me to family event considering we’re not officially together , he likes to spend time with , likes to have dates and what every normal couple would like to do but anyway when he moved this time , i decided to not try and contact him, and we hang in the same group btw , so i keep conversation short , but he seems angry at me , he talks to me like he’s too lazy to. He even told me in an angry voice to change the music cos he didn’t like it which he never does. My question is , what am i doing wrong now? he was the one who didn’t want to commit so i left , why is he so angry?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 1, 2016 at 12:20 pm
Hi Friendlyk,
let him be.. he has issues dealing with his feeling in the firsplace when he decided to live with you but not committing to you in his mind.. just don’t engage in an argument with him