What Your Ex Says Vs. What They Mean- The Comprehensive Guide

911 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

Katie

October 8, 2016 at 10:42 pm

Hi there. I cannot wait for your perspective. My ex broke up with me 12 years ago. He never gave me a clear reason for ending things, we were 23 and he was about to move to be with me and had even mentioned marriage. In retrospect I believe the breakup occurred because he didn’t want to move and wasn’t ready for the life changes/commitments we had been discussing. Of course from the time of our break up until now I have made every single mistake possible for a dumpee to make. I’ve begged, I’ve badgered, I’ve cried and been a desperate mess. We spoke off and on irregularly the first few years after the breakup. He iniated contact exactly one month after he ended things and then called me on occasions and my birthday. About 4 years after dumping me my ex called me and when we got off the phone he said I’ll talk to you tomorrow. This resulted in daily phone calls for the next 3 years!!!!!! My cell phone bill showed thousands of minutes a month and we fell asleep on the phone every night. We could be on the phone for long periods of time without even saying a word. But here’s the deal: this whole time he swore he had absolutely NO feelings for me. He even dated a female or two through all of this. And there I was begging for him back, trying to convince him to come see me again (he lives across country from me). He would often say maybe or lead me around the bush about it or say no, and I couldn’t read if it was because he was scared to see me again or if it was because he really didn’t care. Finally after all of this going crazy I cut him off completely. I told him no more contact and that has lasted now for about 4 years. His explanation for contacting me so often without having feelings was that “I needed someone who cared for me.” Through that time we have only spoke on birthdays, and he has always contacted me on my son’s birthday too. This brings me to the present. I just had my 35th birthday and he texted me on it. But for the first time in 12 years since our breakup he said and asked several interesting things. He asked me if I was seeing anyone, he also told me “I remember us its been a long time” He told me I was a benchmark. And finally he asked “What about us?” I replied back “What about us I don’t know what you’re asking me?” Then he said “I’m just reminiscing about the sex.” Was he really only thinking about sex in everything he said to me? I think I’ve blown it again… See I realized I want to talk to him again, the way we used to talk. I texted him how great it was to hear from him, how I’m glad he remembers us and the time I was his girl was the happiest time in my life and that I still want to see him again… He hasn’t responded. Now I don’t know what to do. I guess my questions are: Is it completely over for us, is there no chance? And two: how do I do this right this time if there is a chance? How do I inspire him to talk to me again… I think he may be scared that I’ll go back to trying to win him again… Thanks for reading all this and for your help!

Katie

October 9, 2016 at 12:53 am

One thing I forgot to mention when he texted me on my birthday he asked for a picture of my face and when he saw it he said I hadn’t changed. And one thing about all those years where he called me daily and said he had no feelings, I had left a bottle of my perfume purposely when I went to visit him. Years later when he called me he would sometimes spray it and tell me he did so. Am I crazy to have always believed he still has feelings for me through all these years? Or is it just something I want to believe? Is there any hope to get him to make a move? Thanks again
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 10, 2016 at 7:57 pm

Hi Katie,

I think he said it perfectly. First he needs someone to make him feel important when he said he needed someone to care for him and then he said he just thinking about the sex..Most of the time guys say what they mean but you gave a different meaning to what he says and does.. and for three years you kept talking and hoping that he would change his mind, and now here he goes again.. And yet, you think you messed your chances?

Honestly, I think he just knows how crazy you are to him that he’s using you as an ego boost. If he really is serious with you, he has asked to be your boyfriend a long time ago. Instead, you became friends with benefits and that’s what he’s been missing.

If you really want a guy to commit, don’t invest too much and invest in the right amount and in the right time.. It doesn’t work in a way, that when you’ve invested everything the guy might change his mind and finally he will realize your worth.. Most of the time, men will see your worth when they can see how much value you put into it, how much you want him to work for you before you invest something, or some time or attention to him..
Move on from him. Too many years have been spent chasing him.

Lindsay

October 6, 2016 at 8:46 am

Hi,
My ex boyfriend broke up with me through a text last week. We have been together about a year and half. We dated 5 months before we became official. When we first dated, he told me about this girl that he is really in love with, and they hooked up for a year and broke it off because she went back to her ex. He was heart broken for a year, and he moved to another state where we met. He told that he is completely over her and they are only friend. Things were fine until this year. This is the third times that we had broken up.

The first time we broke up about 6 months ago, he was mad at me for checking his Facebook because I confronted him that I saw he kept visiting that girl page, and it was not the first time that topic was brought up. The first time I found out, he promised me that he wouldn’t do it any more so I forgave him. We didn’t talk for a week and after that week, I went over to his house to pick up my stuff, he broke up with me because he said he is don’t want to be in a relationship right now, he thinks that we should just be friend, and he is confused, but I know the fact that he is still missing the girl he dated a year ago even he told me that he stop texting her when he started to dated me because he felt that it is wrong and not fair to me. However, I talked things through with him, and he decided to give our relationship another chance.

About a month later, he and me had a fight in the evening, and later the night he texted me and told me he wanted a break. When I ask him, is he breaking up with me, but he never reply. However, he told his friends that we are broken up and don’t know what to do. We didn’t talk to each other about 3 weeks. Then I texted him and told him I want to talk to him, so he called me. On the phone, we talked and he told me that he missed me and why I am not next to him right now, so after we hung up, I went over his house. He was surprised that I show up, I told him I wanted to see the dogs then leave, but he insisted to me to stay over because it was late at night. He told me I could sleep on his bed then somehow we end up making up. After that for the next month, he kept telling me that he is not happy about everything in his life and he doesn’t want to waste my time. So I made a decision that after our one-year anniversary, we will take a break for month. However, within two weeks of the break, I can’t go through with it so I texted him. He called me later that night crying and I asked him what’s wrong and he told me that it would hurt me if he told me. But he told me anyway, he said he saw the girl that he dated and he is still missing her. I told him is okay, it just takes time to forget about her and I’m always will be there for him. Things went back to normal and I treated him better than he ever treated him before.

A month ago, he told me he can’t deal with this anymore, and that we don’t have the same passion and we have nothing in common. I asked him what he meant by same passion, and he started to complain to me that I don’t go to the gym and he wants a gf that has a fit body. I cried so much that day and I told him I could change to be whom he wants as long as he is with me. He agreed that if I can change, he would accept me as time progress when I keep up with my routine in the gym. However, last week, when I was on my way back from a family trip, I texted him to see what is he up to. He texted me with a couple words texts and I asked him what’s wrong, are you okay, and why you didn’t want to text me back. Then he started texting back that he is not happy and want to take a break from the relationship. He told me that he is not missing me or anything, and he brought up the story that he talked to one of the uber driver about his problem, and the driver gave him advice to take a break. I told him is really not fair that he is doing this this to me. I begged him not to leave me, but he already made up his mind. He told me that there are many people out there and we should try to meet other and I deserve someone better. He told me that he didn’t see any chemistry between him and me, and he can’t ignore it. He told me the more I try to convince him the more I am pushing him away. I really love him, and I really don’t know what to do to make him change his mind. I really don’t want to be wasting all this time and effort and trying everything to make it work. I’m really sad right now, but I can’t do anything about it. Please help!!!

Lindsay

October 6, 2016 at 8:52 am

Also, my stuff is still at his house? What should I do? Should I even pick it up? I am shocked right now and I really don’t want to give up this relationship because I really felt that he is the one. I don’t know understand what I did wrong to make him this way.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 8, 2016 at 6:54 pm

Hi Lindsay,

to be honest, you kept convincing a guy who just likes and not in love with you.. first, you were a rebound and then right now, he just kept reiterating that he’s not interested anymore.. I’m not sure if there is a chance.. he will probably miss you because it’s human nature but what I know for sure is that you need to value yourself. You need to know that you have invested too much, that you have chased and you need to stop doing that.. Focus in that first during no contact rule.. Improve yourself for yourself and when you want to try with him again, take it as a restart.. Keep in mind that he has moved on and that you’re just reconnecting to see, if he still fits the new you and if he will make an effort for you while building rapport.

Kaylin C

October 6, 2016 at 7:13 am

My boyfriend (now ex) and I were together for over a year. We are long distance. He lives in NC and I live in AZ. We were in love for a long time and the last month or so, we have had alot of fights because I’m very stressed with school and he’s been working pretty much full time so we hardly spent time together(talking, skyping, watching movies, playing games, etc.) We had a rough break up last week because I got upset that he hadn’t told his parents he was moving here yet. He’s 21 and I’m 23, I’m older. He stopped going to school because he didn’t want to do his major anymore and wants to figure out what he wanted to do in college and is working in the mean time. His parents got really pissed that he stopped going to school and have been really hard on him about this. So when I broke up with him last week, I was upset that he won’t make plans because we already made plans for him to move here at the end of december. I had bought my one way ticket there to drive back in his car. He bought a ticket a month ago to visit me during my fall break and look for an apartment. Anyway I gave him an ultimatum about telling his parents he’s moving here because he said he would tell them a long time ago, so I know I pushed him. He got really upset about the ultimatum, and after we broke up for a day, we got back together and I told him he can take however long he wants to tell them (I decided not to push him anymore). I was scared to lose him. He assured me that it was just a bump in the road, we were gonna get through this, and he loves me. This past saturday, he had been acting weird. He said he went to the movies with his dad and it lasted 4 hours. I asked him what happened and he told me he was in a bad mood and had a bad day. After bugging him a bit to tell me what was going on, he breaks up with me through text message. He’s never broken up with me before… I tried calling him but he said he can’t handle a call and he was going to be miserable, etc. He said that he wants to be alone and figure out his life and he doesn’t see himself moving out of NC. He doesn’t think he’s mature enough for me (I’m a serious student that is pretty responsible and gets stuff done). He also said “I’d rather make other people happy”. I really think he was talking about his parents. He’s a really good, nice guy. Not a player at all. I mean he was a virgin when he met me. I was confused about the whole situation and completely heart broken and devasted. He said he wasn’t going to visit me on friday. The next day I messaged him, it was the longest day of my life and still had alot of questions for him. He tells me he only sees me as a friend but would want to be with me in the future. That confused me. Still tried to get him back, but he wouldn’t budge at all. After sunday, I have not contacted him. He removed all my cute comments I left on his profIle but has kept the picture of us together up… he also didn’t remove the link to my page saying “my girl”. We had been using whatsapp to message eachother because his house gets bad service and he only used it to talk to me and I’ve noticed he’s been checking it once or twice a day. Our mutual friend talked to him yesterday and he said he’s been running to get through the break up. I haven’t contacted him since that Sunday and I’m trying really hard not to. Do you think I have false hopes?? I love him so much and I wanna be with him. I’m trying to give him space so he’d maybe miss and contact me sometime. When he was breaking up with me he said he wanted both of us to move on and didn’t see himself being with me for years. He said he didn’t want to be in any relationship, just wanted to be alone. But I truly believe pressure from everyone caused him to push me away. Thoughts??

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 8, 2016 at 6:33 pm

Hi Kaylin,

yeah it looks like it’s pressure.. but to be honest, he is young.. it’s a big deal to move from one state to another and leave everything you’ve been familiar with behind. Maybe he realized that it’s just not the right time for him but he can that that’s all you want so, he decided to break up with you..

If you want, take the no contact rule as a restart.. be more active in your life.. show that you’re moving on and then take it slow when you reconnect again.. just be friendly and set aside asking him to move there if you get back together. If he wants to move there, he’ll move there himself, without you asking.

gzav

September 28, 2016 at 11:02 pm

My ex boyfriend and I dated two years ago and separated because we ended up in two different cities after college. We were so in love and it was really hard for both us when it didn’t work out. Now we’re living in the same city and are seeing each other again. It’s been less than a month. We saw each other almost every day last week and that has never happened before. Last night, I went to his house and bought him dinner because he needed to study. We had such a nice evening and then I ruined it. In the morning, I woke up and found a dirty clean wipe with make up on it and the only reason that I could think of at the time was that another girl had stayed over. So I woke him up, and asked if he was sleeping with anyone else. He looked at me confused and said: “why would you ask me that? I’m not. Why would you ask me that?” I told him about the dirty clean wipe and he explained that it was there because a few friends were getting ready at his house before they went out for his birthday the other week. I was there and so were his females friends and I believe him now… But at the time, I was confused and didn’t know what to think so I got up and left without saying a word. I didn’t think I’d hear from him until later, but I’ve received a string of angry texts. They began with him explaining again why the clean wipe was there, how typical it was of me to freak out, how he wanted to pay the dinner I bought him last night because it wasn’t a nice treat after all, how he couldn’t be responsible for making me feel hurt and not trusting him, and how he wants me to stop contacting him. After the last text which he wrote that he never wanted to talk again, I immediately responded and apologized and said how stupid I felt and how I wanted to forget about the whole thing. This was two hours ago and now I’m worried that I will never hear from him again and that he will never forgive me. In the past, when we were separated, occasionally, we’d see each other and then fight because I wanted to try long distance and he didn’t, and one of us would say “stop contacting me, it’s over, etc.” I guess that never worked out because now we’re in the same city, seeing each other and giving it a shot. I’m just worried he means it this time because I’m the one who messed up. So now it’s been 2 hours since my apology text and I haven’t heard back (mind you, I didn’t respond for several hours to his texts) and now I’m on your website because I don’t want to lose him again. It sucked the first time and it’d suck even more if we didn’t give this a real chance. What should I do if he says he means it?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2016 at 5:38 pm

Hi gzav

You already apologized. So, just let him cool down.

Melissa G.

September 25, 2016 at 11:03 pm

2yrs ago I dated my ex and he broke up with me after a short time because there was too much arguments on my part. After 2yrs he contacted me a few months ago because he wanted to reconcile the relationship. Recently his Mom passed away and I was there for him, but now he told me through text message that its best that we go our separate ways because he wants to focus on his family and I should focus on mine and that he still cares for me. I really do care for him and I wanted the relationship to work. Does it mean that we’re done for good or should I give him time and not reach out to him?

Melissa G.

September 27, 2016 at 12:32 pm

Would the NC rule work in this situation? I don’t know if it would and if he would contact me again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 27, 2016 at 2:10 pm

That’s ok. We understand.. Well, there’s no guarantee in any situation that the no contact rule will work. It can only help increase your chances.
Melissa G.

September 26, 2016 at 3:34 pm

I broke the rule and sent him text messages today because I was so upset until I had to regain focus. After today I will not contact him… no contact rule until he get his mind together. After that I don’t know if he would come back to me.
Melissa G.

September 26, 2016 at 12:00 pm

But we still had a bit of conflict, but he told me he was willing to work it out with me. But yesterday due to deaths that happened on my side and his side of the family, he told me that its best that we go our separate ways because he wants to think and focus… and now he’s saying he wants to be apart. I am so confused. He said he has fallen in love with me and now he wants to go separate ways. Is this because of the events that has happened? I truly love him. I don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 1:22 pm

He’s probably overwhelmed. Are you going to start doing no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 10:33 am

Hi Melissa G,
He contacted you after two years of not talking and then just said he wants you back? If that’s so, then there’s a good chance that you’re not yet done.

Johanne

September 23, 2016 at 8:08 pm

Hello,
My name is Johanne and my ex boyfriend wrote to me on Skype : Do not contact me again (for the situation 2)

but he did not delete me on Skype…..

do you think it mean he will maybe contact me again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 4:04 pm

Hi Johanne,

Well, he probably will if he didn’t delete you

Danielle Watt

September 23, 2016 at 8:23 am

Here is the run down. My boyfriend and I have been long distance for the last 3 years of our relationship (been dating since 17). In August, he moved to my city for an internship. I will admit everything didn’t go as planned…he got into a wreck being in a new city and he’s been dependent on my family to help him with transportation. On top of that (I see now from me giving him space) that I was acting like a mom instead of a gf a lot of times…especially when his family was so supportive of him permentanly moving to my city.
I start to feel him becoming distant. Finally on a Monday I asked him if he wanted to be single and he fought for our relationship and it made me happy because I didn’t want to be single I just wanted to see how much the relationship meant to him since he started to act so different.
The next day we got into a very heated argument and he just said he needed time to think. Later on in the week I went by to see him and talk this out and he said he needed space (mind you he asked me for a break during the summer but he really didn’t go through with it because we talked and he said he really wanted to focus on us and just see if the worries and doubts would go away) of course I was devastated and cried and everything and asked why and couldn’t we just try to work it out before a break but he didn’t budge and told me that he wanted to say yes to the break when I suggested it this week but didn’t want to be an a**hole about it. So that night I sent him a text telling him I would give him space because I saw my errors and everything. Didn’t talk to him the whole weekend then he text me on Sunday asking me if I was doing okay. I was so happy thinking this break was about to end that I called him but he sounded like he was having the time of his life and I got disappointed. After Sunday I asked him should I just move on and later that day he said he was just focusing on him no distractions or anything and he “couldn’t imagine moving on from me” because he remembers the good times and “ultimately time will tell” and he’s sorry he put me through this. I will admit I was okay with this…because it gave me hope. Later on that week I saw he changed his relationship status on Facebook to single. And my heart sank. If he didn’t need any distractions why change the status? I haven’t talked to him as much but we’ve talked (nothing about the relationship) but all my guy friends basically say we will get back together and just give him space. But it’s just hard for me because why did he have to change the status? Key things he has said is “he was trying to feel the same way he felt before with me” and that he wanted to just focus on himself. I think because we’ve dated since 17 maybe he feels it’s more out there then me. The reason I fell for him because he was so in love with me and he always talked about us getting married and kids and he never seem pressured about it. He also mentioned that he wanted to do things he wanted to do without thinking about my feelings towards it. He said 80% of the decisions he made was about how I would feel about them. How he wanted to one day go overseas but because I was hesitant it made him not want to go. SN: we both wore promise rings and I gave him back mine and told him to give it back when he wants to get back together…and I saw he still has my promise ring and his sitting on his nightstand. I wish I would’ve read this blog before this happened but I’m glad I found it now. Surprisingly, I’m very optimistic and I think we will get back together from talking to my guy friends…but I want to know if maybe I’m thinking Unrealistically. Thank you in advance

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 9:06 am

Hi Danielle

yeah, it’s a grass is greener syndrome.. He felt withheld from doing what he wants because of you.. which you didn’t ask him to but I think you fed it by being motherly.. but I think there is still a chance.. yes, give him space but improve yourself as well.. have your own life so that he would think that you will not stop him with whatever he wants to do in life because you got your own thing going.

A

September 21, 2016 at 1:25 am

On NC Day 6. Late last night, my ex sent me a message saying he’s thinking about me and is praying for me. I replied with a simple thank you. Was that breaking the NC period already? What did he mean about his message?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 8:52 pm

Hi A,
Yes, but since you’re still early. For me you can just continue one the count and don’t do it again. The only reasons that you can reply is if you’re talking about things that needed to be given or taken, emergencies, children, really important stuff that can’t wait until after nc(that doesn’t include your feelings nor his) and if he gets back together. Other than that, focus in improving yourself. That means he missed you

Cell

September 17, 2016 at 11:30 pm

Hello

My ex fiance left me and my daughter over a month ago I came home from work to find his stuff gone. We had a date set for next year had all our deposits put down. He sent me a text 3 days later basically saying he has been unhappy for a long time and loves me and always has but his love for me is his weakness. I tried texting him and calling him for a month nothing. Two days ago he called me sounded super angry amd said he changed his number n that we are done and goodbye. I am so devastated do you think he will ever give us a second change my heart hurts for our daughter.
Thanks

Cell

October 6, 2016 at 5:01 pm

He still hasnt come to see his daughter i ran into him at tim hortons a few weeks ago and he still wouldn’t talk to me and hasn’t made an effort to come get his things back
Cell

September 20, 2016 at 6:02 pm

I was really bossy but I see that now and want to change I am 21 and am still learning we were together for 4 years but best friends for 8 years we had deposits put down for our wedding next year. He called me said we are done for ever and he won’t be coming back and that he changed his number and I pushed him away from our daughter. I don’t know what to do he was my life…. his best friend just started dating mine 3 months ago so now that’s awkward.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 22, 2016 at 5:17 pm

Well, time to start to have your own life.. And even if you get him back, you have to maintain that.If you are going to do no contact, ge can still talk to his daughter.. as long as you don’t talk about you and him, it’s ok to keep talking about your child.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 7:09 am

Hi Cell,

so, what do you think is the real reason why he left? Did you always fight? was the relationship boring? How long were you together?

Britney

September 17, 2016 at 3:57 pm

When my ex broke up with me three months ago, he said that I was “beautiful, gorgeous, smart, and you have so much to offer the world.” But that he thought we were incompatible, that he didn’t want to stay with someone he didn’t see marrying, and that he was sorry he wasn’t the man I wanted or needed. I told him that wasn’t true, and I apologized to him for how I nagged him about putting pictures of us on facebook, pushed him to say, “I love you” (we only dated two and a half months), and drank a little too much a couple of times and said some things I didn’t mean. He said he would always care about me, but he just didn’t think we were compatible. Then, he said something interesting. He said, “I’m not going to be laughing about this; I’m going to be devastated if we break up.” (What does THAT mean?) I just told him that I thought he was wrong about me, I was happy with him, but if he has made up his mind, well, okay. I was kind of prepared for it, because he had said he “needed time to think” a week prior. I didn’t hear anymore from him for a week, so I changed my Facebook relationship status to “single” (hidden from newsfeed) and did nothing. When he called and asked if I had been thinking about things, I actually said, “I thought we weren’t talking anymore.” Then, he launched into the break-up speech. I really cared about him and would like to have another shot, but I am literally scared to try. I initiated NC that very day and have not broken it in three months. He even ignored my birthday last week. I’ve continued to self-improve and posted nice pictures with friends and family on social media (looking my best!) But…still nothing. I’ve tried your system before, and it worked with another guy, but I only got him back for one weekend. 🙁 My question is, should I even try anything, or would it be best to accept things and move on?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 19, 2016 at 4:25 pm

Hi Britney,

For me, I think you should move on..

Brit

September 15, 2016 at 10:46 pm

My divorce is almost finalized. I didn’t want the divorce. What’s it mean when he text me saying he doesn’t want me to feel like I have to be alone and wants me to find someone who makes me laugh, smile and who I can trust. Also saying that his leaving wasn’t my fault and he doesn’t want me to bear his cross.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 17, 2016 at 2:56 pm

Hi Brit,

He wants you to move on and be happy.

Sharn

September 15, 2016 at 2:31 pm

Hello. My boyfriend (now ex) and I were starting to develop feelings. We weren’t dating. He was a playboy. So one day he stopped talking to me and slept with another girl. Few weeks later, he came back and didn’t tell me anything, just said sorry. I didn’t really thought he would do that and accepted him back. He proposed me and we started dating. We were very happy. Until it’s been 2 months when I found out he stopped talking to me to fuck someone else. It was very hard to take it. I was constantly having thoughts like maybe that girl was way more attractive. I never realised that it was before we started dating and now he’s changed
I thought that maybe if I get involved with someone else, things would get better for me. He got to know about my one time affair and broke up with me. I feel disgusted and terrible. I want him back. But he says that he hates me but he still cares and that there’s no way we are getting back together
Does he really mean that? Or is he just angry? Also personally I think that if he didn’t really had second thoughts, he wouldn’t text to ask me to move on or tell me that he will be moving on soon. My heart says he will forgive me and come back to me, but my heart says something else

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 1:55 pm

Hi Sharn,

I think he just said that because he’s angry and hurt.. Listen to this: Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)
EBR 020- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If YOU Cheated

Kimberly

September 13, 2016 at 9:29 pm

Hey so my ex and I broke up bout almost 3weeks ago and even packed his stuff then came back but I wouldn’t let him fix it. And ignored all his calls and messages and him at work. Then he saw me talking to one of my customers at work outside while smoking and accused me of sleeping with him and caused a scene. Then came to the house after work and took his shit and left. Then told me to delete his number. And he posted in all the photos I forgot to delete of us and still sent me memes. Then he avoids me at work now. Then he told a frnd of ours how much he missed me and tried getting ppl at work to fix us. But then last week when I tryd to reconnect with him he sed No and get over it. But he still has my mom on fb and added all these girls States away and been trying to make jealous? So I dnt understand he says leave him alone and since I only tried that one day to fix it he sed no so I haven’t txted him since and it’s going on a week since. He just avoids me,but I see him at times out eyes meeting at work and we both just look away. Is he taking time to get through his emotions or is he just really done??

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 16, 2016 at 6:49 pm

Hi kimberly,

I think it’s either he got tired or he’s wants to get even..

Sam

September 11, 2016 at 4:57 am

Hi, quick question, my ex and I have been really close friends (with benefits sometimes) since we ended things, (he went back to his ex) we talk every day, we go for lunch twice a week, sex sometimes, but just as friends, however he gets really defensive in certain situations, for example:
He takes a whole day to reply to a text, and I go ‘hey what took you so long!” and he goes “I’m not explaining myself, cause we are nothing” OR we’d be walking together and I’d be like “hey wanna go for lunch?” and he says “No I’m really busy today, don’t think I can” and I’d say “oh cool what are you so busy with?” and he’d get all defensive and say that exact same line, as if I didn’t know we are just friends, and I ask him the same way I would ask any friend during casual conversation, and any friend would kindly reply, so I don’t get why he gets like that, and it’s so weird cause he gets kinda violent, and I’ve thought “maybe he’s meeting his girl and he doesn’t want me to know” which is dumb cause i’ve already accepted the fact that they’re together; but I’ve realized sometimes he’s just going home to study or whatever and he still gets really defensive and almost violent when I question him in a friendly way, kind of as if I were questioning him as a girlfriend! Why does he act like that? why do he always say “we’re nothing” and he won’t “explain himself to me”? please help

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 4:09 pm

Hi Sam
you said it yourself, he probably thinks you’re asking him like a girlfriend, and he doesnt want you to expect, so he’s always setting the record straight that your just friends with benefits and he doesnt want you to ask questions, that for him, only girlfriends or friends that he doesn’t have intimate relationships with can ask..
he doesnt want you to get comfortable with him

Amy

September 10, 2016 at 11:35 pm

Thank you. Before I got your response, i texted that I was ok being friends, and he never even returned the text. I am going NC any suggestions? He’s already showing his true character

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 12:54 pm

Read this article to do nc properly: The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)

Marianne

September 10, 2016 at 5:32 pm

My ex-boyfriend and I were together. He broke up with me abruptly about four months ago, out of the blue and with seemingly no reason. He ignored me for about a month but then started sending me text messages like I miss you and things like that,. We started seeing each other again off and on and I thought that he was just taking things slowly. He broke up with me again by text a month later and immediately started dating another girl and bragging to everybody at work how serious they were and how excited he was to have met her. He leaves the room whenever I enter and totally avoids me and I don’t understand why, I did absolutely nothing wrong to him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 9:38 am

Hi Marianne,

maybe he feels guilty whenever he sees you. Does the girl work with you two?

Amy

September 10, 2016 at 12:19 am

Hi there here is my question. My ex and I broke up and I have gone bk. and forth on if I should be friends with Him. I told him I would stay friends, and then we got into an argument later. I apologized and said as friends, I’d like him to apologize (he said some bad things), but he wouldn’t. I texted bk. that “I don’t want to be friends”. I am ok moving on and can’t stand his disrespect. I don’t even know if he can change. Should I go NC if I love him and want his best self back? If so, should I text back that we can still be friends first, or just go NC? I want him to see he was wrong not to aoologize, but would still like to see a future if we can both improve.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 5:36 pm

Hi Amy,

why did you break up? In your case, you have to just start nc because it would be confusing if you tell him you want to be friends and youll ignore him

Amy

September 9, 2016 at 11:43 pm

Hi there here is my question. My ex and I broke up and I have gone bk. and forth on if I should be friends with him. I told him I would stay friends, and then we got into an argument later. I apologized and said as friends, I’d like him to apologize (he said some bad things), but he wouldn’t. I texted bk. that “I don’t want to be friends”. I am ok moving on and can’t stand his disrespect. I don’t even know if he can change. Should I go NC if I love him and want his best self back? If so, should I text back that we can still be friends first, or just go NC? I want him to see he was wrong not to aoologize, but would still like to see a future if we can both improve.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 5:36 pm

Hi Amy,

why did you break up? In your case, you have to just start nc because it would be confusing if you tell him you want to be friends and youll ignore him

Ayesha Parker

September 9, 2016 at 8:40 am

My ex and I have been on and off.
We had the most amazing day a few days ago and after that he stopped speaking to me.
He thereafter unfollowed me on Instagram & when i asked him why, he said that he needs to get over me and he needed to do that to make it easier for me.
I did not reply to those messages of his but it has devastated me.
What should i do now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 11:12 am

HI Ayesha,
why does he say that? Why is he hesitating on getting back with you? Are you too available? How much have you changed from the girl he broke up with?

Lita

September 9, 2016 at 1:20 am

since me and my boyfriend broke up things have been so crazy and stupid its hard to understand what the heck is going on anymore. we dated for 4 years , alot of things happen with his life and my own .. and because of a stupid things i did at work and got let go he broke up with me .

he says i dont tell him the whole truth when it comes to things i would only give him the good and make things pretty, he said i didn’t have my life together , and i saw after the break up he was right . he said he wanted to be friends and to be all honest i didn’t even want that , i was just trying to be nice …but even trying todo that he was fighting with me, looking to see if i was lying about something to stay angry.

atm i am working on myself but i see that almost everyday he is posting more and more on facebook , showing off , hanging out with people he never would before …and always telling me His doing so much better everytime we talked.
and when i would tell him im happy for him he would get upset. even when talking on the phone when i was being relaxed he would yell or be mean , or make it so big to yell at me at the end that i hurt him.
yet he tells me his doing so well…I don’t know what to do
i don’t know how he feels about me
and i do want to make this right and get back with him
i feel like his doing all this to prove something
but i dont know 100%

right now im doing the no contact rule seeing that he told me
he doesn’t need to talk to me and wants me to work on myself
but yet i kinda saw that he spys on me

see i watch him on instagram but he doesn’t watch me
so he cant see when i post stuff ..but yet after are big fight …and him saying he doesn’t want to talk to me and to work on myself he goes ahead and likes something i post.

Plz help me! i am so lost

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 9:27 am

Hi Lita,

you’ve already made the right first step. You just have to focus in it. Continue improving yourself. Don’t mind if he checks you or not, because you’ll never know if he checks it through a friend or he’s content with Facebook posts.

Focus in improving yourself, you only have a limited time to start this new routine before you build rapport with him again after nc. So, make the most of it.

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