What Your Ex Says Vs. What They Mean- The Comprehensive Guide

909 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”

Marie Z

April 28, 2016 at 11:18 pm

I enjoyed the lay out. The memes had me laughing, and those selected memes helped me lighten up. Luckily, my instincts had me on the UG path already but in a sweet way. I think he crashed out cuz he couldn’t find a solution for our situation, or maybe he couldn’t admit that he was expecting too much from me too early on, or he just wants to mow his lawn five times a week now (LOL! he is). So… thank you. I feel better even though I’ve already been making myself feel better through lots of fun stuff on my own. Your writing style and positive attitude are quite refreshing. Peace.
Jennifer

April 22, 2016 at 5:47 am

Hi, it’s me again 🙂
So far my ex had always answered to my texts with either a positive or neutral attitude. Even our encounters that couldn’t be avoided went very casual.

A few days ago I told him after saying good night that I just remember how he never wanted me to go to sleep. TI was a “oh I just remember something! What a funny though. Good night” text. There was no response, but I don’t think that’s bad.

According to his answers now they are two possibilities:
1. He does not know whether I am just playing a game or he can trust me (i broke up and before NC I was really mad at him)
2. It was too early to remind him about that and now he wants to push me away a bit

Is there a way to find that out?
Anyway, should an ex know that you still like them?

Thank you for your answer 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2016 at 10:46 am

it would be better if he thinks the two of you are just friendly and then you build attraction and make him feel to want you back.. if you feel it was too early, don’t bring up relationship talks

Rambler

April 22, 2016 at 1:59 am

Hi. My ex and I have not had the smoothest of roads. I had been out of my marriage (separated) for 5 months, and met K and we had an instant connection. We just clicked, it seemed like it was so easy and like “where have you been all my life”. He was divorced, and I was soon to prepare for the road of divorce. The connection was so intense when we met we just broke up a week later not being able to explain what was going on. After a week of no contact he made the effort and contacted me and explained he had no idea he would feel what had happened, and we began officially dating. The kids loved him, he was almost at my house all the time and we started to think of a future together. (yes this moves fast, but when it is meant to be it will feel right, right?) Anyhow, the ups and downs from my ex (husband-to-be) playing games and the trials K and I faced were more than the average couple should have to endure. We broke up because I was drinking too much, things were overwhelming to me, and I was sinking into this pit of divorce drama. After a few weeks we got back together, this time it went back to what it was before, instant family and the connection and love as strong as ever. This lasted a month, then there was another stress load dropped on my doorstep and off the rails the relationship went again. A couple of weeks passed and he came back, straight back to what it was before even though he said to me not to contact him again, also we were never ever getting back together, were WERE back together and he was talking marriage and we were heading down a beautiful path together. 5 months passed and I am now in the divorce trial stage, the final stage, I bided my time, we are nearing the end, however the stress became more than K can bear and off he went. This time I think I need to get this divorce over and done with, so I am free to make the decisions K and I were discussing, but he has been very angry with me, telling me to never ever contact him, even when I have had to regarding money or posessions, he will end the convo with Don’t ever ever contact me ever again – I am gutted, I am also confused. How can someone plan a future with you, then act like you were someone that they used to know. He has blocked me on FB, and has just shut everyone from my life we shared mutual association with. I am confused. How long do I need to wait this time, I am sorting myself out, but I am confused and he is being immature for a man in his 30s What are my changes

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2016 at 10:18 am

Hi Rambler

just give him space, he’ll cool off.. was it really just because of the stress of your divorce? do you always fight with him?

Nats

April 21, 2016 at 11:11 am

My boyfriend or ex-boyfriend (tbh i still do not know which one it is) and I have been in a long distance relationship ever since we started this relationship in August 2015. He came to visit, I went to visit him, and this would go back and forth.

The last time we saw each other was 2 months ago. And last saturday, I was in one of those moods if you catch my drift, and I sent him a long message saying I was finding this distance too challenging etc… and that I loved him a lot but maybe we should take a break. I said the break part assuming he would say NO. but what i got was a different response. it was “maybe you are right”. To make a long story short within the space of 4 days this is how it went down:

1) Saturday: I want a break. hmm maybe you are right

2) sunday: (me) oh man i need to do some damage control and apologize for being a b*tch and for not being understanding enough that he has a new job, is working 12-15 hour shifts a day, moved to a new city and has no friends, and on top of that the place he was going to live didn’t work out so he had to keep staying at a friend’s place. Basically I got mad because I wasn’t getting enough attention. SUNDAY’S message = NO REPLY

3) Monday = no contact from either of us

4) Tuesday = (me) texted him saying i wanted to break up and we could stay friends. (why i did that? because i was scared he would dump me first and i didn’t want to be rejected first so i thought maybe i should just get this over with now) (did I mean it? NO.)

5) Tuesday – (his answer) “i thought this relationship would workout since i am in a city closer to you. if i had doubted this would not work i would not have continued this long distance relationship. your decision comes a bit as a surprise but maybe you are right and i have to understand that maybe its me that don’t work well with distance and can’t combine work and relationship.” this was his answer word for word

5- Wednesday (aka yesterday): (me) went into extra triple mega damage control. i said “i feel conflicted bc i am madly in love with you. i was scared you would end it with me first so i thought i should beat you to the punch and do it myself because it would hurt less. maybe this was all a misunderstand. it was our first ever fight and it blew out of proportion. how about we calm down and don’t do anything else that could be bad. Besides you said you loved me and missed me and couldn’t wait to see me 5 days ago. your feelings couldn’t have just changed drastically in a couple of days” THEN i did something crazy “i decided to come see you in london, i already booked a flight and hotel for this weekend so we can talk about this face to face because i love you and i will fight for you”

5- wednesday: (his answer) “maybe its better we talk directly about it…” I SAID (a couple of days you said you loved me did that change?) HE SAID: “i did but i have been thinking about it for weeks and i think this just developed into just being friends.. i am confused and don’t really know, and you have been very confusing and sending very mixed messages. I will certainly be happy to see you, which i will always be, but maybe not as a couple. but as i said i rather we talk about this when you are here”

i asked: have you met anyone else?

he said: “no i have not!! i really have not and was not interested in that”

i said: “so let me clarify, you think being just friends would be easier?”

he said: “yes i do and maybe thats a big mistake but its how i feel right now”

i said: “if you have felt this way for weeks, why continuously be so loving and affectionate, and say how much you cannot wait to see me, and how you love me so much, and then you continuously send me very intimate messages of what you want to do with me when you see me and how much you love my body and this and that (don’t want to get graphic on here), and in a matter of days you change your mind and say you just want to be friends?

he said: ” i don’t know as i haven’t seen you in a long time but i definitely look forward to seeing you but maybe as just friends” “i didn’t intentionally lie to you. i thought that this was just a phase and it would go away but so far it hasn’t so i think it is over… ach that’s sh*t 🙁 ”

i said: “i refuse to believe that this is how it will be. not after the things you said to me and the way you sounded so genuine about your love for me just a couple of days ago. so we will see when i get there in 2 days”

i have not texted anything today (which is thursday) i will also no longer text him until i arrive in london on saturday.

what do you guys think of this? please. i need help. i am flying to see him in 2 days. haven’t seen him in 2 months. i am madly in love with him. and he did sound like he was in love with me too. and i could hear it in his voice every time we skyped.

is there a chance???

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2016 at 4:46 am

Hi Nats,

I think you’re on your way now.. when you’re there be as calm as you can be.. we don’t know if he meant that because that’s how he really feels for a long time or it’s just his ego talking.. So, just stay calm and try to talk about solutions instead of the problem.

Stacie

April 19, 2016 at 11:20 am

Hi
My ex fiancé and I were together for 3 years. We were meant to get married on the 4th June this year but 7 weeks ago he went out on a night out and never came back! He said he needed a week to sort his head out and then after a week said he needed a month. After 3 weeks he told me he didn’t want a relationship and wasn’t in love with me anymore, which I don’t believe. Here’s some back ground:
We had a baby girl last April, unfortunetly due to complications that threaten my live I had to give birth at 26 weeks. Our beautiful girl survived for 10 days until we had to make the heart breaking decision to let her go. It devastated us! We worked thought it, well I thought we had, but come December he was becoming with drawn, didn’t go out with friends, lost a lot of weight and was distance from me. I asked him about it and he said he couldn’t have sex as he was scared of me getting pregnant. Fast forward to Feb and I confronted him about his weight loss and he said that every day was a bad day because of what happened last year, and all he could say was that he loved me. I asked him to get help but he refused. Over the next 2 weeks he made every excuse not to spend time with me, early nights, going out etc. When 1 night he planned to take me out for tea, we left work and he said that he was tried so I said that we’d say in instead, he took this the wrong way and went to the pub with some work friends and never came back. He wouldn’t speak to me or answer my phone calls, I didn’t see him for 3 days. Then on the Monday night he came home and told me that he was unhappy with me as I don’t do anything with his friends ( but he hasn’t asked me, I he hadn’t been out in months) he’s not lived his life as he’s never been to Ibiza! I said that I think he was u happy in general and he agreed. He said that he’d go to the doctors to get help. He went and they said that he was border line anorexic, had depression and sent him to counselling. He said that it was all to do with what happened last year to me and our daughter. Several days passed and then he reached out to my mum, she went and meet him and they talked. He said that he thought he was superman and could handle everything but can’t. He later that day came to see me and told me that I was the best thing that every happened to him, nearly lost me last year and couldn’t bare to kiss me again. I told him it was ok and that I’d support him and we’ll get thought it together. Over the following 2 weeks he was coming round the house and spending time with me, he had started his antidepressants and gone to his 1st counselling session. On the Saturday 19th March he told me that it’s not if he comes back home but when. Then in the Monday I was in work and our friend asked me if I was ok, explained the steps we were taking and that things were looking positive. Unbeknown to me the whole time we were on this break my ex had been telling all his friends that it was over and that he’d told me 1000 times it was! Our friend then spoke to him and my ex told him he had no intention of coming back, so our friend told him that he had to tell me that. So that night after work he came round your house and told me he didn’t want a relationship but could we still be friends. Asked him why he’d been coming round and saying the things he had been and he said that it’s because that’s what he thought he wanted but now I’m no longer the best thing that happened to him and when he said that he nearly lost me last yr and can’t bare to lose me again, he meant it as a friend!!!!!!! I’m now on 10 days no contact and during this time I’ve had to deal with our daughters 1st birthday and anniversary of passing without him! He’s stopped going to counselling after 3 sessions and no longer on his medication. I think that he’s done this because he’s scared of having another baby and knew that I wanted too and if we had got married then he would have had to make a decision. So he thinks that by leaving me I’ll go off and find someone else to start s family with. I don’t no how to resolve this????

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 21, 2016 at 10:07 am

Hi Stacie,

give him time.. focus on yourself but don’t do anything that can make him jealous..I think in the right time when everything has settled and he has dealt with the depression, you should talk about what happenened.. but in the meantime..focus on yourself to gwt better and heal from everything and to be more independent from him?

Nic

April 18, 2016 at 5:16 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m completely new to all of this and have been following your advice.

My ex and I dated for seven months (we were very close, in fact, he was EXTREMELY clingy). During our seven months, I determined his friends were toxic (they took advantage of him and put him in risky situations). I told him he should consider broadening his horizon as far as friends go. Well, his birthday was March 6th. Let’s just say I went all out for his birthday. We ended up getting into a fight the next day (because of his family and his friends), and I said some pretty hurtful things that I later came back and apologized for. Well, we didn’t talk for a couple of days to just have time to ourselves, and he sent me a very long paragraph at six in the morning around our fourth day of not talking. He told me it was because we wanted to go to different colleges and that he didn’t want to hold me back (this was clearly an excuse because we’re currently juniors and have our senior year). He told me at the time he didn’t want to get into a relationship with anyone and that he would wait until college. Well, little did I know that his ex-girlfriend had been coming over to his house with his friends behind my back and that they had been cuddling on the couch. Well, for the first two weeks of our break up, I was an absolute mess.

All of the ugly crying when no one was around, etc.

Of course, I also begged him back.

He told me that I didn’t have to worry about his ex, that she was forcing herself onto him by hanging out with his friends. For a bit, I believed him because he was still wearing the shirts I had given him (he literally wore one every week, and I know he has more clothes than just those two shirts). This all made me hopeful, until I noticed that he and his ex were holding hands in the hallway and that he’d stop by her locker. Again, I’d go off and cry where no one would see me. I started the no contact rule after stumbling onto your site after having a sob-fest in my room. Within days, he was in my inbox, but I was weak and caved a couple of times. He ended up calling me off of a private number at 12:30 in the morning a couple of weeks ago.

He told me that his ex didn’t matter, that he couldn’t kiss her the same way he kissed me, and he even told me he still loved me, etc. Believe me when I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. My initial thought was, “He misses me” and “He doesn’t love her”. Unfortunately, the very next day, he asked his ex to prom (she’s a senior). Now, when I say asked, I don’t mean the casual, “Want to go to prom?”, I mean candles and red carnations. A mutual friend of ours sent me a picture and told me that I needed to move on, because my ex was just screwing with my feelings.

Again, ugly crying.

I resumed no contact with more determination than ever. I even went out on a casual date to watch Batman vs. Superman so I wouldn’t be moping around the house that weekend. Well, during the movie, my ex messages me on Facebook. Of course, I ignored him. I ended up unfriending him on Facebook, so that I could no longer see what he posted, and so that I would be less tempted to stalk his profile. For a while, I remained friends with his parents on there (because I was worried that if I unfairness them, it would look petty). His parents started posting pictures of him and his ex on their Facebook, something they had hardly ever done when I was with him. Not only were they doing that, but they liked almost all of my posts (something that sort of creeped me out). At that point, push came to shove, and I ended up unfriending them to spare myself of the pictures and the weird feeling of his parents watching my profile.

So, for about two weeks, there was absolutely no contact between he and I. I worked on bettering myself and to also be the unforgettable ex-girlfriend. Believe me when I say we were close; we were friends from the 8th grade. He really pushed for us to date and I ended up giving him a chance. I know too much about him, vice versa. I smiled and laughed more with people around us, and even got a few prom proposals from guys at school (but I’m going with a female friend because I’m not ready to throw myself out there yet).

Last Thursday was year mark of his aunt’s suicide. I was not expecting a message from him, but I received one. I was afraid of brushing him off on a really emotional day would seem…low. I felt that it would reflect on me in a negative light, so I responded. We talked about his aunt for a bit, and I eventually asked why he was messaging me and not his “friend-with-benefits” or his other friends. He responded with, “I wanted to”. I told him that wasn’t a solid reason and he finally said, “I miss our conversations”. He ended up apologizing for treating me so poorly after the break up and that he felt guilty about it. However, I knew that every time he messaged me, it was when his ex or his friends weren’t around. He’d say one thing and then act another way at school. I typically just ignored him like he ignored me.

Honestly though, I’m sure he’ll message me again. He doesn’t seem to be able to resist.

What do I do? His behavior is confusing to me, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

Nic

April 18, 2016 at 10:57 pm

The thing is, he isn’t acting like a friend. He completely brushes me off and acts like I don’t exist. The only time he acknowledges me is when he is messaging me, or when he flirts with other girls in front of me. I’ve noticed his behavior change over the two weeks we weren’t talking; he was passive-aggressive. He’d flirt with other girls when it was only me nearby, but when his friends or his friend-with-benefits were around, he’d ignore me completely or be all over her. One of my friends thinks he’s realizing he screwed up, but won’t admit it and is only acting this way to make me jealous. Not only that, but even though I’m past the stage of being emotionally vulnerable, I still have feelings for him. Would the no-contact rule still work after the short communication we had last week? Or have I completely ruined that chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 21, 2016 at 7:52 am

I think it’s the better option because it looks like you won’t have a proper talk with him if you try
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 18, 2016 at 7:25 pm

Hi Nic,

that’s good.. at least you’re aware of what he’s doing.. you have decide whether to stay aa his friend or juat ignore him because if he’a not really saying it straight that he wants you back, all he wants is someone to talk to

Yeny

April 14, 2016 at 2:29 pm

Hi! I really need help. My ex left me six months ago. We kept in touch until december last year, but then he told me to stop our daily conversations because he was dating another girl but not serious. After doing no contact he kept sending me messages even though he never tried to come back. I blocked him. Then in february he started to call me again but i just answered after several attempts by his part. He told me how much he missed me and that i was very special to him.. he said that he thought of me every day and all that romantic stuff. We started contact againand we met up but when i showed him that i was still interested he pulled away again. Now three weeks later, he told me that he doesnt want to get back and that he is dating another girl.. not the one he left me for. I was very mean to him after he said this so he blocked me… i dont know why he kept texting me everyday even though he didnt want to rekindle our relationship. What is your opinion??

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2016 at 8:51 am

hi Yeny,

if he’s like that with other girls too, since yiu also said there’s a new girl again, that means it’s his attitude.. maybe he’s not into commitment yet…He’ just wants to date but doesn’t want to go serious

Veronica

April 8, 2016 at 10:22 pm

Hi I’m 19 years old in college and I met this guy at the start of spring semester. At first we were friends and I met him at the same time I met the rest of our friends. Eventually we grew feelings for each other however we never said anything or really admitted it to each other . I spoke to one of our mutual friends and he told me don’t go there with him because basically he is a fuck boy .. Or he has player tendencies.. However I didn’t beilve it and I thought he was really sweet. Eventually we started talking basically he was courting me and It was my decision to go slow even though I was in his bed almost every night but didnt have sex of any kind at all. He knew I was a virgin and respected my decision and me overall as a person. Me and this guy were talking for 2weeks and before then he even asked me on a date but I wanted to wait a bit longer. During the duration of our relationship or whatever it was I asked him questions about himself but especially about his past and the girls in it. He answered but he said he didn’t want to dwell on the past and didn’t like to talk about it but would answer whatever questions I had. I was told that he had a friends with benefits situation with one of the girls in my dorm last semester before he met me for 2motnths till he broke it off because she couldn’t make up her mind between him and someone else and he said she hated him. When we broke up he told me I was too good for him and like I said he would end up hurtimg me. He said he wants to be with me in the future and that other people were I guess asking him what he was doing because he could hurt me and he doesn’t deserve me. I asked him if he truly cared and liked me like he said how could he just let me go and he said I have to see that he is /has changed. He said he still want to be my friend and even though I didn’t want to I agreed and we had a long hug and kiss good bye.. To the point where I knew he still had feeling for me even though he broke it off. And I found out right after he broke it off with me he went back to her the same girl I heard people say he talk shit about and hated because she was clingy but because they were friends with benefits he could fuck her anytime he wanted. I stopped communication with him a couple weeks ago after the break up or whatever i t was because I felt I was bothering him even though he would respond and intiate by asking how my day was and stuff.. But I realised I was acting like I was still his girl by asking him how come he didn’t text me back or something and I stopped and he stopped . after he said he wanted a future with me I said to him I have no desire to be with you in the future and he looked down and nodded his head. I didnt mean it but I knew I had to move on . and now I really need to because I heard their dating now. Even though its not common knowelge. I was and still am very hurt I feel like he used me to try to distract himself and didnt plan on staying with me long . I truyl felt that he was as into me as I was him this is why I was shocked that he did want to break it off it came out of nowhere I want him back but I think he’s finally over me as he is with her now and haven’t text me is it possible that he still cares and likes me but becauae we weren’t having sex he bailed . did he ever care . we were together for two weeks but honestly it felt like 2 months . Even his friends and people i didn’t know were angry at him for what he did to me because I guess that he really liked me as I did and that I would be the one to finally Change him for the better even though that wasn’t exactly my goal.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 10:02 am

Hi Veronica,

if he changed that’s his decision, and not because you made him.. Your standards and his love can be a reason but always remember, when somebody changed for you, that means he’s trying to match your standards.. So be clear with yourself.. if it’s really just because of sex, then you dodged a bullet.. Players have that skill of making you fall..that’s why they are players…

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 8, 2016 at 9:34 am

Okay! That’s good 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2016 at 10:32 am

HI Lockheart,

what do you mean that someday you would meet him again? I think you should just give it time. Maybe both of you just need a break since you just transferred to your new apartment
Cat

March 27, 2016 at 4:56 am

Hi it’s me again!

So my ex actually contacted me before I planned on contacting him (it’s already been a month of NC) and it was for a really lame reason.
He admitted that he hasn’t been taking the breakup very well and has been suffering.
He said that he loves me and misses me but he also hates me for the bullsh*t that I put him through and he hates that he misses me and that I hurt him and that it can’t undo what I did. He has mentioned twice since we broke up that “we can’t date in the foreseeable future and I can’t be friends with you because of how I feel”

Does this seem like it would still fall under the “I said this because of my intense emotions” category? He didn’t seem to get the hint of what NC is for, to work on bettering yourself. He’s been bottling himself up about it and hasn’t really worked through this at all yet, I feel. I guess what I’m asking is that is my gut right? I agree that we can’t be together right now but in a few months I very much so do want to get back with him. Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 12:30 am

That’s a good and bad sign because that means he still has feelings for you but you can’t try texting right ahead because he said he can’t be friends. So, give it more time..maybe two weeks before sending a first contact text.

Vee

March 22, 2016 at 7:40 am

Hello,
Your advice is helpful but I have to tell you…long story short
I’ve been dating my “ex” boyfriend for one year. A couple months dating, he tells me his feelings for me. Like, I never thought I’d like you this much. I never meet anybody but I had to meet you. See, he is a construction worker so we only saw each other on weekends and spend it together. Anyways, Then a few months dating was when I finally met his family for the first time. And the first time I ever told him I love him. He didn’t say much but just a kiss on the forehead. A couple months after was when I said it again. He told me he wants to mean it when he says it to me but never ever he told me. Around when school was about to start. He moved back to AZ for college. I was sad but happy for him. Around Halloween was when I went to AZ to see him and spend time with him. He was happy because he was having problems and was glad I was there with him. Around the holidays he moved back. Then Valentine’s Day came. Spent it together. Dates, cuddling, etc. A week after was our one year anniversary. We didn’t get to spend time together due to me being with my family for family traditions which I invited him to but never came. A week after our one year anniversary was when he broke up with me. His words were “it’s not the way it use to be anymore” I felt horrible. He just leaves. No explanation why he felt that way or how long he felt that way. I was sad because it made me think I was probably never good enough for him or if he met someone else better or I don’t know. I still think about it. I mean I thought everything was okay between us. Then BAM he breaks up with me out of nowhere! Then a couple weeks ago he messages asking if we can talk. I said sure. He asked if I was home. I said yeah. He never responded or came. Like absolutely nothing after. No word. What could be the reason why he left me in your opinion?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 5:32 am

HI Vee,

It’s really hard to tell… Have you asked why he thinks it’s not the same anymore?

onelove

March 21, 2016 at 12:23 am

hey

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2016 at 8:56 am

yes one love?

Aline

March 10, 2016 at 12:35 pm

I work on the cruise ship and here we live, socialize and work. I had a boyfriend on board, not the first one. But the first one who wanted something serious, such as meeting my parents, lives at the same cabin on the ship, future plans, do one more contract and leave the work and move together. He is young 24 years old, and was always telling his friends he wanted to marry me, that I was special. Everything came from him. He requested our cabin together, he met my parents twice. And everything was fine. We had few moments were he told me we were seeing each other a lot, he wanted to sleep or spend time with his friends and I was always around. But he never was so honest. Just showing me he was upset and not really telling me all this. Few times he went to parties on the ship with his friends, to drink and dance while I was sleeping. But people told me he never cheated on me, but was dancing with other girls. I didn’t know that. I found out and wanted to break up and he got crazy! Cried, said he loved me, didn’t want to lose me. 4 weeks later… he broke up with me. What happened? A girl came on board, first contract and a real bitch. They worked together for a week and she started to flirt and he liked it. We were living together and having sex every day. Then one night he came saying he was tired, but kissed me, hugged me and said tomorrow he would compensate me. I was also really tired. Next day he seemed to be sad, and during the night we would have a big party for crew. He broke up with me before the party saying he just wanted freedom, he was feeling on a prison. He said he didn’t want to break up with me because he couldn’t think only on him. I told him I didn’t want someone with me for out of pity. I told him he would go on vacations in two weeks and when he returns I’d be going on vacations and we wouldn’t see each other anymore. Then he said if you are saying this I want to break up. I asked him to not be with any other girl otherwise I’d have to be months working here and seeing that girl. He said he didn’t like anyone, wouldn’t be with anyone and would respect me. Same night he got his girl who was flirting and that he met for one week. people started to tell me they were seen together and I was asking and he was saying not true, not like that we are friends. Man, he lied to me big time! They were together and I think they both planned all that. The girl knew he had a girlfriend, I talked to her and asked and she told me never had anything with me and has a boyfriend at home. But the bf is married and she told him he has 7 months to decide between her or his wife. He has children. I found them together and he ran after me to my room and said really sordid things to me, I am not like that so didn’t say anything so low or just to hurt him. He sounded like a 16 years old talking bullshit. I just say he should respect me, I am a good person. I said You didn’t respect me and you didn’t have any consideration about me, about my feelings, after everything I’ve done for you. And he was saying sorry, but in a cold way. He said we lived a lie, and next day I was organizing a party and I was afraid they would show up. They did. Kissed in front of everybody and I was looking stupid in front of my colleagues/co-workers. I was really sad, and some girls who work with her went to ask her to stop and put herself in my shoes, I was suffering and the answer was I don’t care. Another guy told him he shouldn’t do something like that to a nice girl and nice girlfriend like me and he answer I don’t give a shit. So I left my own party. I had to spend these two weeks seeing them together. It was horrible. He left and I told him the pretty boy would go home and leave a bitch and a stupid girl. He told me don’t say that… and don’t say she is a bitch, you can say about me, that I am a garbage container… but don’t say she is a bitch. And say he would vanish from his life if I do something against them. After that phrase and he really got low. I told him what am I going to do, it was your decision to go for this girl, and changed me for her. You will have 3 months vacations and of course this girl will be in her cabin reading the Bible waiting for you. He laughed and said he is not expecting this from her. His friends said he just wanted someone to fuck and said bad things about the girl, he wanted to hurt me and have fun with her. Anyway, as soon as he left he got 4 guys in a week, next week… a lesbian. She is with this lesbian and people are laughing. Also another guy got her for two nights and when found out she is 31 and has a 18 years old daughter and didn’t want to spend time with her anymore. I am a good woman, honest, decent, respectable… and I don’t want to make part of this sordid circus. I should be laughing now. But I am not. It’s hurt to be changed for someone he met in a week and who anyone can see she was like that. It’s too sad. And the fast he wanted to hurt me and didn’t care about my feelings hurt me more than breaking up. How could I believe in him? How I was still being nice to this guy? He was also every morning smiling and saying good morning to me after the party where they kissed and I didn’t smiled back. Then I passed by them and said why are you saying good morning to me? Same day he blocked from Facebook. He is a jerk. Now he is coming back on May 13 and it’s the day I am leaving and probably we will see each other on the ship. I don’t want to see him, of course and if I do, I will ignore. And people tell me he will be mad at her and won’t want anything with this girl. I am saying that they are wrong. Knowing him I can say he will go back to her, probably they had a agreement of an open relationship and he is enjoying in Croatia, but when he comes back he will see all the people she stayed with, and realize he is a joke and people is laughing about him, then after 7 days or more he will leave her and get another victim. Then when he has the opportunity he will spend a night with the girl while he is with the new victim. And it’s sad for me, I am still hurt to know he said to people we were living together and not doing anything anymore, the relationship was bad… all lies. Also he was planing to take me to Croatia in April, and his family was crazy to meet me, his sister and I became friends and she told me he had never said he loved any girlfriend he had in the past and he was always saying that to her. She said we would solve our problems and get together again because we love each other. My parents are disappointed. Well, all now behind since he trashed all this feeling on the garbage. I am still sad thinking I didn’t deserve that. I think he will never regret.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2016 at 12:13 am

Hi Aline,

I understand the hurt amd anger..It’s time to let them go.. Be happy..don’t give them the luxury of being happy while you’re not..

SuddenlySingle

March 1, 2016 at 8:20 pm

Hello! Sorry in advance for the lengthy backstory, but…..My (ex)boyfriend and I dated for 5 years (lived together 4). We rarely fought, and resolved things quickly and rationally when we did. We each had our own hobbies and activities, but had many shared interests we participated in together. Everything was fairly idyllic. Over the course of the past few months he started acting a little distracted – quieter than usual, not quite as affectionate, quicker to show irritation, drinking a little more – but I wouldn’t go so far as to say he was “distant.” He said he was stressed about a promotion at work, not sleeping well, etc.

A couple of weeks ago he came home late which is VERY unusual for him. I stayed calm, asked if everything was ok, and after a series of monosyllabic replies to these and similar questions, I knew something was off so I finally asked if he wanted me to move out. He responded “maybe” but refused to talk about why or give any explanation whatsoever. The next day he still said he wanted me to move out, though said I could take as much time as I needed. I told him several times that leaving was NOT what I wanted, that I wanted to figure things out, but he refused to talk. I moved out.

Fast forward 2 weeks, and he told a mutual friend of ours that he had decided he doesn’t want to marry or have kids (though we’d talked about those things right from the beginning of our relationship), and said he knows that’s what I want, and it wasn’t fair for him to stay with me, but he couldn’t talk to me about it because he hates confrontation. This from a guy who never shied away from any confrontation in the last 5 years and seems to revel in debates. He asked our friend to watch out for me and take care of me.

I didn’t contact him for a couple of weeks, then finally texted this week to ask if I could pick up my mail before he goes out of town for the next month (school – been planned for awhile). He made it a point to say he would leave the mail outside on the porch after he gets home from work, which to me says he very deliberately wants to avoid seeing me. What gives? I haven’t been pressuring him in any way, nor have I tried to contact him. We didn’t even raise our voices during my moving out, and he even commented to our friend that I had been more than reasonable and generous with the division of stuff (I left him the majority of our shared possessions). Why take such great pains to completely avoid me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 3:13 pm

Sometimes it’s because of their own feelings.. maybe he’s avoiding you because realky wanted to heal or move on

stillhoping

February 27, 2016 at 10:08 pm

My boyfriend of 3 years packed up and left the place we shared when I was away, even though everything seemed fine. We’d even talked about our future, marriage, babies etc. He went from saying maybe we can work it out to there is no chance ever. He says he doesn’t love me and never wants to be with me again. He took the dog we got together as well. I started NC on wed and today he contacted me to give me abuse for contacting his friends. (I contacted one friend to try get some insight in to why he suddenly walked out) However, he still says we can meet up so I can see the dog. If I go NC and ignore messages about meeting I don’t get to see my dog or check he’s ok (I am concerned about the kind of people my ex has started to hang around with) but maybe NC is the only way to get him back? Also, is he using the dog as a tool to keep in touch? If so, why? I am so confused. If you simply stop loving someone over night (which is literally what happened here – one day saying he loves me, the next moving out) why be so horrible to that person – he has been extremely nasty, cruel and hurtful. Sorry if I’ve posted in the wrong place!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2016 at 1:49 pm

First, get the dog.. if he want to see the dog that’s ok.. You can still do nc, just stick to talking about dog meet ups only..
And, about him.. I don’t think that’s sudden if he’s thinking clearly… it’s either he’s been wanting to leave for a long time or he’s messed up.. It’s not normal to just decide lang that in one night

Kate

February 23, 2016 at 4:25 pm

Hi Chris & Amor,
So I need your thoughts. I met a guy on-line. Dated him for 3 months. From day one he was very honest, that his schedule was very demanding of his time, but wanted to proceed seeing me (saying…let’s just see where this goes). He is in graduate school, the Army reserves, works on Capital Hill and would be potentially moving out of the state after graduation in May (all of which I was aware of and also wanted to “see where things would go”). After the 3 month period, I did want to bring exclusivity to the table (we were intimate at this point) , as I felt at that time I was not interested in dating anyone else. His response was that he was not dating anyone the entire time we were together, but it also brought up some concerns he had. He said that he could no longer continue to see me. That due to the demands of his time and his unforeseen future, that he couldn’t give to me what a relationship deserved. In the same breath, he said that he wanted me to remain in his life in the sense that he wanted to still know when good (and bad) things happen to me. Maybe a coffee together at some point. He didn’t use the “let’s be friends” term, but basically. Trying to figure out what happened, as he was always present when we were together, and there were no signs that he was pulling away. Is there a chance that we could get back together? Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 9:29 am

Hi Kate,

I think yes, as long as his time permits it

Noelle

February 21, 2016 at 10:50 pm

Hey to the author of this site,
I will not write a ton, but I am at a loss for words. It has been 5 years of a highly abusive situation. I have been reading tons online from comments, to websites. I know now that I was played and it is hard, bc sometimes I convince myself that there had to be feelings. Long story short, my ex went between me and another girl for years. I am a teacher and also a nurse and I had great parents. I feel stupid even saying it but I still am not 100% convinced I was a fool. He would cause fights in the beginning and run to her and I would see her car at his house but he would say we werent tg anymore and he “needed to at least hang out with someone to take his mind off things”, along with ” I never did what he wanted/never made him happy”. This went on for years and I always knew the other shoe would drop. When we would have really bad breakups she would be around for more than a night, but I always went back. In years later he really expressed his want for a “real relationship” and was angry bc he lived in a one bedroom apartment and I never really moved in. I would bring clothes and such but I never did bring more….BC I KNEW IT ONE WEEK HE WOULD BE RANTING AND RAVING AND KICK M,E OUT! It was embarassing to me with my parents but in his head it was bc ” I have a secret life” and ” I didnt want to settle down”. I always told myself as much as I had lost myself, that at least I had held onto some dignity bc he never fully “had” me in a way. I knew from talking with her on and off that she would tell me they still slept tg etc. I never knew who to believe and he was a great manipulator. Anyways long story short, there was physical and emotional abuse BIG TIME and I know recently he has done the same to her. I am still stuck telling myself she is happy n they are great bc he isnt “with me” and being with her is so much better. This is how crazy I have become. I know it makes no sense , but I keep replayng this over n over. In the past when they were “tg” he and I would sleep tg and I did it only bc I was so mad at her for initially coming into our lives while also it being both of their faults. She would talk to me and say he was a dick and she would never speak to him again for hurting me n using her then she would. So I got to resent her. As it stands now, he is with her. My question is: Do u think he will ever change? I know he treats her in controlling ways as well but she is more docile than me. Him and I struggled a lot bc he is dominating and I wont put up with a lot of shit as I have a mouth too- which caused a LOT of burises, broken ankles and us covering for eachother . It was very unhleathy but he led me to believe that he was unhappy bc of me. I am so f’d up now. I worry he is in love with this chick now as he told me “it was my fault I didnt give him what he wanted bc he would never have developed feeelings for this girl bla bla bla’. Meanwhile for years I would only take him back bc he would act like he was using her as a time escape and she did drugs n was a party type girl who slept around and he said he would never take her serious n she wasnt gf type/ Funny eh how it changes/ nyways any comments would be amazing

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 6:04 am

Hi Noelle,

You can’t change him.. We can only influence others but the decision is always from themselves.. And also, people who can influence are the ones that are sure of themselves and they’re not a victim or they immediately get out and stay out of the victim’s place..

I understand you Noelle. I’ve been a victim, lived with victim, seen and experienced.. Being victimized doesn’t stop because you were kinder to the person who mistreats you. It stops because you chose to get out of the cycle..
The person may change how to treat you after that but it doesn’t mean they won’t go back to how it was before when you get back together.. It takes years to undo that cycle..Most of the time the guy doesn’t really change.. He just shows it to get the girl back and then they’re back to square one..

If he does, it’s after many years of trying to prove to the person they’ve done wrong that they changed.

Leave the relationship and don’t look back. Most of the time, we are treated the way we want to be treated

Shradha

February 21, 2016 at 6:55 am

My boyfriend and i had been together for 9 months and he broke up with me last week. All my family used to tell me that he wan’t worth it and he was just using me for money but i always defended him. But i let my parents get to me and whenever I was mad at him I used to mention to him how he never pays for anything and he never got me anything. My birthday was last month and I expected something from him but unfortunately he couldnt get me anything and I was dissappointed because he told me he would suprise me. He apologized but I made it a big deal. Then he tried to sell something that I had gotten him when we went shopping so I was pretty disappointed with all this and wasnt expecting anything better on valentines day. I argued with him on the same topic again and left him on valentines day. I broke up with him and the next day realized my mistake so I called him but he said he didnt have any feelings anymore and he hasnt been feeling it for a few months now. I said fine and hubg up. Then for 3 days I kept calling him to apologize and give me a chance but he blocked me saying I was annoying him and he was already flirting with another girl.he wanted to be friends so I called him again and said we can be friends but I got weak again today, 5th day and asked to get back together and he told me no, its done. We won’t ever be together again. He also said he was fooling around with another girl, nothing serious. I know this because I read their texts on his facebook. So will I never get him back? Is he really gone for good?

Shradha

February 23, 2016 at 1:46 am

Hey,

I asked him why he called and he said he called because he was stressed out and did not want help, just wanted to talk. Again, I did not talk to hi. For two days but. I got weak again today and ended up calling him, and asked him nicely if we are really done. However, today he said he just needs some time off, about a month, and me calling is not helping as he is stressed out right now. Also, I want to add that the other girl that he’s been talking to, he isnt really dating her, just flirting with her online and she is in a different country. Now, I know he really cares about me I am confused as he was telling me he loves me even the day of the breakup. He also just asked for a break but ended up breaking up because I did not agree with a break. Now, I am confused as to why he would call me in times of stress if he is really done with me as he says he is. I am also confused as to why he said he is done and now is telling me that he just needs a time off. Is he just asking for the break because I ask him once everyday if we can get together or not , so saying that will stop me from bugging him? Or does he mean it when he just wants a break. I am also scared that after the no contact, which I officially started today, he might lose interest in me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 5:47 am

but if you talk to him more, would he be more interested or annoyed?
Shradha

February 21, 2016 at 8:28 pm

It could be. Well he did try to get me sonething on valentines day and he has money issues due to his college so Its not really his fault either. Its been a week now and I got weak and called him up, he rudely replied and hung up on me. He called me a couple of times later and I didnt answer but later I found out his car broke down so he called me. I don’t know what to think of this because if he really doesn’t have feelings for me anymore why would he call me in times of need? Also he said he hasn’t felt like being in the relationship for a while now and he tried but it did not work out. He is flirting with another girl now but he says its nothing serious. What can I do to get him back
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2016 at 1:12 pm

Though we can’t assure that you’ll surrly get him back, you can try by doing no contact..

But to why he called you, it depends on how he sees you can help on that situation..
Do nc for yourself first and also to observe him.. If he’s chosen girl has money, then your relatives mut be right.. but if she doesn’t have money, there’s another loophole still, where would he get the money to date her?

Because for me, if he’s struggling, shouldn’t he be more careful on where to spend what he earns?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 2:31 pm

Hi Shradna,

Could it be that your relatives are right? He sold your gift, but he had nothing to give you on valentines?

Flawn

February 19, 2016 at 5:07 am

My boyfriend and I are in long distance, we’ve been together for 1 year and 3 months now. We saw each other last year 2 months ago, we’ve made future plans together. But since both has to work and save up money we only rely on social media such as Skype, messenger and instagram. It was going on smoothly, I met his mom on skype and she was very excited to see me and mostly all his friends knows me and vice versa. He asked me to get married and I said yes, but for now we are long distance and the struggle is real. We had a lot of miscommunications over silly things and fought a lot over silly things. But last year December was something to recall. when I asked him to visit for Christmas or New years he would say no, its too expensive but he would travel to Japan instead. Of course I got angry. He didn’t though. He didn’t even visit me. Lately all I hear from him is ”I need to boost m pride, so I will buy a hooker” and he would mention this because he needed ”sex” and we’re far apart. I told him no, for some reason for me its still cheating. If he can’t wait for me. Then later he would say ”its just a joke, i was testing if you would change your mind”. But he’s been saying that a lot. Then he would bring up this girl he met before me, and he said ”I made a promise to meet her next month she and I met before you did, and I will tour her around” and I said no, cause I know 100% this girl had different intentions. And he never once placed our photo together on instagram. not once. When I told him I need to say at least $$ to visit him he would take it the wrong way and tell me ”don’t beg me for money” but I NEVER HAD. He would mention ”you’re too dark skin (when I’m tan from the sun) you’re nose is too big (my nose is European shape like my dad’s and I cant do much about it.) ”you’re not beautiful”) he would tell me these things which questions me what does he really think of me? My friends all question it too, either he thinks of me so low.

He tells me he loves and misses me but thats it. He wont do the effort. But this month we had a big fight over something so silly that I noticed the way he acts towards me now is different. I called him twice on weekends on mornings when I promised I wont. He made rules, don’t call mornings on weekends, call once if you miss call I will call,” but i broke those two promises once I didn’t realized cause of time zone and I forgot but he got so angry he said things and made me cry. He tells me ”You always cry im a bad person” and I even begged him not to leave me. when his deal was ”I can’t wait for you next year” / ”If you are not here, we can’t be together anymore we breakup”.

He makes me suspicious the way he talks. his words dont match his actions but I am trying with trusting. He tells me I don’t respect him, because I called him alot and wanted to skype call. But in my part, being called ugly, wanting to see hookers, meet other girls, and embarrass me in front of his friends.. isn’t that also disrespecting me too? He gets angry if I asked if he can send his photo, cause we are far. but he gets so angry and starts getting really rude on text. Its a simple photo.

he wont answer my calls at night anymore after the fight. he comes home like 3am or 7am everyday. goes out drinking and with his ”friends” but wont tell me anything. like how he used to. and tells me my thinking is weird. Sometimes I can’t be my normal self. When we skype he ignores me, and looks at his phone, and on instagram he likes other womens photos but also that girl he mentioned about. He tells me shes beautiful than I am. but she wears a ton of makeup. When I wore eyeliner I was told I shouldn’t wear any makeup because I look better without it. But I still get named called. I cried a lot. and I don’t want to loose him. I really dont know what the heck is going on.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 10:52 am

Hi Flawn,

for me you to let him go.. He’s disrespectful and he doesn’t love you.. He’s abusive and you’re relationship is not even close to a friendship.. Friends don’t humiliate and insult friends, what more a bf shouldn’t.. True loves values, not degrades a loved one’s self esteem

« Previous 1 … 12 13 14 15 16 … 21 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

909 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means”