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366 thoughts on “What To Do On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Alexandra

    December 13, 2015 at 2:57 pm

    Hi Chris,

    So I finally made it to catch up with my ex last night. We didn’t officially break up but he told me bluntly that he needed space and greatly pulled back throughout the last two months, during which, I didn’t contact him at all for 2 weeks, then I was the one who always initiated contact. I would text him and he would reply in a few hours, or the next day or never at all. I finally was tired of the chase and texted him that it was a big mistake that we tried to force ourselves into a relationship and that we’d better be no more than friends.

    He took 2 days to reply but finally said he didn’t feel bad about me or our relationship but he was just feeling uncomfortable that we got too close too soon. I told him that I understand and I agree. Next day I suggested that we catch up and we did meet for one hour that night. Before I got out of the car, I told him “don’t be mean and ask about me” in a funny cheerful manner and he said “NO” with a big teasing smile on his face, we said goodbye and I left. I couldn’t believe it when he texted me when he got hom that he was really happy he saw me!! We exchanged a few texts and again I found a “good morning” when I woke up!! Again, we extchanged few funny texts and that was it.

    What do I do next? Please I’m so confused, I really need help as I don’t want to mess things up that I’ve come this far…

  2. Brook

    December 2, 2015 at 8:59 pm

    I’m in the weirdest situation of my life. Me and my ex broke up about a month ago..while I was studying abroad. He told me he loved me but he just couldn’t do the distance. I reassured him I would be home in a month, but we live 4 hours away from each other and he said he couldn’t handle the distance in general. That he needs someone he can be with all the time. Selfish right? Dick move. But anyway, its been really tough, and although he wanted to keep communication I cut if off because I felt I deserved better and wanted to enjoy my last month abroad. Then Paris was bombed. I was in rome at the time, high terror threats (like everywhere else in the world) and he contacted me as soon as it happened, he said he wanted me to know that he was happy I was safe and that he was thinking about me. We decided to keep talking since then and in fact planned a weekend for me to visit him when I get home in 2 weeks. I know he still cares, but he told me he doesn’t love me anymore so I know that I’m just setting myself up for more hurt. And yet I am so determined to spend this weekend with him. I don’t think he’s going to try anything intimate, he’s a good guy, but I am so desperate for self assurance because I feel so rejected that I’m afraid I’m going to try something. I just want to know if seeing him is a good idea, and I would like your point of view on his feelings. What do you think he wants from me?

  3. Elena

    October 25, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    I had coffee with my ex last week and then we went on a long walk. We basically just caught up. Very friendly, not flirty… he seemed nervous! He was also talking a lot and pretty fast, which I think is a good sign.

    Anyway I’m not really sure where to go from here. He doesn’t initiate texts with me and our convo’s aren’t that long anyway because I end the convo first. Should I wait a little over a week to see if he reaches out first? This waiting game kills!

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 4, 2015 at 5:59 am

      I know the waiting game kills. Yes wait a week and then advance to a medium size date. One where you meet within a group or do something really fun.

  4. Elena

    October 23, 2015 at 2:39 am

    Actually I lied. I want your opinion on this. If you ask your ex to coffee he can’t possibly think nothing of it, can he? I would love to understand the male mind on this. He’s just GOT to know there are other motives, right?.. Even though I was not at all obvious and we just caught up.

    In general men can’t be that stupid, can they? (No offense…)

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 23, 2015 at 4:21 am

      No but he will be wondering what your motives are after no contact. It’s mysterious to him.

  5. Elena

    October 23, 2015 at 2:37 am

    Just had coffee with the ex tonight. Was feeling a little down about the friend vibe that was happening but reading this I realize it’s all good because it’s pa t of the bigger plan of getting him back. I even asked him to help me with something with my finances and he agreed so i guesss I secured a second date in the future.

    Not looking for a response, just great stuff here!

    When i get my baby back you’ll be receiving a long thank you note and gifts for the little one from me !!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 19, 2015 at 5:47 am

      Thanks for letting me know!

  6. M

    September 19, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    Hello Chris!

    My previously Long Distance ex has moved very close to where I live and we’re supposed to meet up. He asked after I completed NC – did it perfectly without cracking and built attraction afterwards.
    But he seems to be avoiding it now. He cancelled last week Sunday due to workload but said he wanted to rearrange if I was free on evenings or Sunday this week. I told him I was and for him to let me know when he knows he’s free.
    He said ok, we talked on Monday and Tuesday and he was relatively affectionate, telling me he can’t wait to hug me again, he misses me, that we should learn to cook together and there’s so much he wants to do with me…etc but no mention of when to meet.
    I haven’t heard from him since.
    He still likes my facebook posts.

    What’s his deal and how do I proceed?

  7. Jessica

    September 1, 2015 at 9:11 pm

    Hey Chris,

    I’ve been really enjoying reading your page, and I’m trying to use your advice and tips to actually get my ex back… He broke up after us being together for almost a year, 3 weeks ago because he “was not able to handle a relationship anymore as he has too much of his own stuff going on”. Since then, and after the breakup sex and drama, we had no contact till I saw him in the city in an event a week after the breakup… Which was just awkward and nothing happened.

    After then we had exchanged some emails and he has still been in contact. He helped me get some new furniture and that day we had sex again, only for him to add that he doesn’t want for us to meet and have nice moments as he’s not ready to get closer again… I went NC and 3 days after he contacted me again and asked me to “meet up for a coffee” last weekend, which turned into lunch, walks , drinks , wonderful connection, and ended up me sleeping at his house… He hugged me at night while sleeping and made love in the morning… Afterwards he said he was confused as he doesn’t know what he wants still, but that he does want to meet up and have great times together- “that’s all he can offer at the moment; let’s do it again”.

    He’s in a very confused personal state and is struggling with a lot of intimacy issues of his own…. So after this lovely weekend I stopped contact again, and 1 day after (= yesterday) he contacted me again and asked to make plans for next weekend together.. Something I was utterly surprised and ofcourse excited with…!! 🙂

    My question now is: how to go about UNTIL our “date” plan (that I ofcourse cannot claim IS an actual date… or else he’ll freak out and distance again) and most especially, DURING the night…? As you understand, he’s quite complicated, and I want to do nothing stupid to scare him away.. I want to improve my chances of him actually making an effort to see if this works, since we have had so great moments already and such a unique bond…

    Any tip would be GREATLY appreciated… 🙂

    1. Jessica

      September 2, 2015 at 5:27 pm

      What to do ON the date, and while waiting indeed (e.g. do I make more contact). How to proceed things from now on…

    2. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:11 am

      Do you mean what to do while you are waiting for the date?

      Sorry didn’t quite understand your question?

  8. Cassandra

    August 24, 2015 at 10:45 am

    Hi Chris, I followed your advice and started the NC rule after breaking up with my ex. After 30 days exactly he reached out asking to see me. I went over to his place and after talking for awhile he started holding me and kissing me, said he loved me, and told me I hold a special place in his heart. He acted like he wanted me back but did not explicitly say so, and said he wanted to take me out but when I left we had not made specific plans. I was wondering if I should contact him first to try to schedule something or wait for him to contact me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 24, 2015 at 5:21 pm

      Great job, remember you have to take this very slow. Let him take the lead but if he doesn’t set a date for a week send him an exciting text that he will respond to. Something sweet, Like I just saw this TV show last night that we used to watch together and it reminded me of you. Don’t ask him out for at least 2 weeks wait and see if he will ask you out first. When you ask him to go have coffee or whatever, don’t remind him that he tried making plans with you first. Your in a really good spot.

  9. Reese

    August 21, 2015 at 4:05 am

    Hi Chris,

    Hola from Asia!
    Thank you for helping the thousands of desperate souls like mine 🙂
    My husband and I separated like 2 months ago over issues. He left the house and took an furnished apartment. He started the divorce procedure. I was against the whole separation thing but the more I was explaining we can work our issues out the more he seemed to be convinced that we were not compatible. I started the NC for about 5 weeks. He called me to check on me. I kept it nice and simple. He then started calling everyday. We met on Sunday last week… He asked me to meet tin Tuesday and we met yesterday again… I could not help it… We had for intimate. All night long he was saying he loves me and he misses me etc.. I did not ask him if we were back. Should I let him come back to me? Text me ? Call me? It can I initiate the first step? When is a good time to ask him if we are back ? Thanks

  10. Dana

    July 30, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    Chris – my situation is slightly different than described in your article. I broke up with my ex bf 3 weeks ago. It was neither a bitter nor mutual break up, it was more me making a rash decision that I imediatly regreted. We had almost no contact for 2 weeks, but I did call him to apologize for the roll I played in the breakup. I said that I didn’t really want the breakup to stick and he agreed that there we had gotten through hard times before, so there was no reason not to be able to do it again. During that conversation we decided to set up a get together to see if we might be able to move past the problems at hand. He told me to call him later to solidify the timing, which I did. The relationship is long distance, so just getting coffee was out of the question. We got together this past Saturday and had a fantastic time. There was no anger or bitterness, he took me to dinner (he ordered my food and paid), we then had an off-roading adventure on the beach that he said he hadn’t done in almost 10 years. We looked out at the water and he told me intimate stories of his childhood which he had never done before. We made out like high schoolers (I know, big no-no) which we hadn’t done since our very first date (he’s not a big kisser). When the date ended he seemed to be hesitant to let me leave. He was kind of avoiding saying good bye. When he finally did, he gave me a kiss good bye, I thanked him for the lovely time, he said he was glad I came out and that he would see me soon. That is a normal reaction from him minus the avoidance. My question is it has been 4 days since we got together. I do not know if since I am the one who broke up with him, should also be the one calling to touch base and keep the communication open, or since I initiated the first get together, should I wait for him to reach out to me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 6, 2015 at 8:52 pm

      That’s a great question. In your particular situation you could actually do either. Personally I’d wait a day or two since you already initiated the date but don’t let it go to long. He might be insecure that you broke up with him in the first place. It’s really important that you read my post on long distance relationships so you don’t break up again.

  11. Jessie

    June 10, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    Chris! Help! I went on an amazing date with my ex last night – lots of laughing, flirting, ended up kissing and he told me he loved me, I opened the door to trying again and said we can take it slow and he seemed tempted but something seemed to be holding him back so he said he’ll talk to a counsellor about it. At the end of the night he didn’t want to let me go.
    …And I haven’t heard from him since then. He didn’t ask to set up a second date or anything. What do I do? Just ignore him until I hear from him? Or ask him for a second date myself? Or something else?

    1. Jessie

      June 13, 2015 at 11:36 pm

      It’s over… despite the amazing date he didn’t want to go on a second date and said he doesn’t want to lead me on until he has a better grip on the situation… If you have any suggestions, let me know, but if not, just delete this comment… thanks 🙁

  12. Cassandra Ang

    May 25, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    so heres the thing.. me ex wants to go out on a date next Tuesday after his graduation. im okay with that because something is better than nothing, but I have a situation. my ex has been hanging around this other girl for the past 2 months since we broke up. I know shes a rebound. they occasionally hold hands, I believe hes kissed her sometimes, and my friends think it would make me feel better when they tell me they see them doing relationship-like stuff. my issue here is that he tells me he still loves me, maybe not as much as before, but enough that he wants to try again and try to make things work. I told him that I would love that, but that the other girl is a huge deal breaker… he told me that IF we get back together after dating, he’ll stop all communications with her.. and I don’t know how I feel about that.. every time I see them together, he seems a little more distant from her than usual, but he ignores me. I feel like he’s leading me on, and her.. It just hurts a lot when he says one thing, but I see another.. whats going on? what do I do? I really don’t want anything messing up my chances with him. especially since Im so close to this date, and he’s barely coming around..

  13. Mariah

    May 21, 2015 at 2:27 am

    Chris,

    I’ve been religiously reading your posts and I have to tell you they helped me quite a bit through the NC period. But I’ve had a big setback so I’ve looked for some guidance on your site, and haven’t found a post that applies. I’ve left you two comments in this thread since I’m kind of at a loss and need some advice but you haven’t responded. Would it be easier if I sent you an email? Thanks so much in advance.

    1. Mariah

      May 22, 2015 at 2:13 am

      Yes it is. Unfortunately I think I was too nervous and I wasn’t myself. Didn’t really talk about the things I’d been doing or really feel like I seemed excited. He usually liked to talk about his things when we were together and I pretty much let him do the same and was interested. But the ending was awkward. He hugged me twice and leaned in to kiss me twice and I just gave him 2 pop kisses. We both left and that was it. He didn’t text me and I didn’t get any hint of a second date. What’s worse is two days later I texted him with a cute remembering the good old days kind of text and for the first time ever, he didn’t respond. Still hasn’t 4 days later. I feel awful and don’t know what to do next.

    2. Chris Seiter

      May 21, 2015 at 3:51 pm

      Is your setback related to the what to do on a date article?

  14. Mariah

    May 19, 2015 at 3:36 am

    Hi Chris,

    I need some serious help. I have been looking for some relief on your site about the possibility of a second date with my ex but haven’t found it. My ex and I were together for a year. Six months into our relationship, he broke up with me telling me he wasn’t in love with me and wanted to see an ex girlfriend again. He still wanted to see me ( yeah a bit of a booty call ensued) but I couldn’t handle that and he decided he wanted to get back together after about a month. We did and all was fine for another six months. Then he did it again, saying his heart wasn’t into but also criticizing me for several things. I messed up for a couple of days sending him texts and letters but after a week I went into NC. I did it all the way except he texted me on Mothers Day and I thanked him. Then, after NC , I sent him a text written like you recommended. He not only responded but he asked me to meet him that same evening. I didn’t feel like I was totally ready (wanted to get my hair done) but I couldn’t say no. We met for anout an hour and a half and had drinks and appetizers. I felt awkward and forgot to talk about how wonderful I was doing but did show a lot interest in his life and asked him nice questions. I thought we had a good time but I was nervous when. Finally he took me back to my car, got down and hugged me. We both said it was nice to see each other and he gave me a light kiss on the lips. I didn’t feel like kissing him anymore than that cause I was so nervous. He hugged me again and gave me another pop kiss. After that, we both got into our cars and left. No plans for a second date and he didn’t call me or text me today. ( this was yesterday) I have felt awful and anxious all day. I keep replaying the date and wish I had said or done certain things, and want to change a lot. But it’s too late and I wonder do I have a chance at a second date or is that it? I don’t want to text him or call him and ruin things but I feel so insecure I don’t know what to do. Please help… Thanks.

    1. Mariah

      May 19, 2015 at 9:26 pm

      Uh oh! I think I messed up. Didn’t know what to do and grew restless. Texted him! Tried one of the bringing back good memories one and it failed! For the first time ever he didn’t respond. 🙁 Did I just ruin everything after being so good for 30 days???

  15. Annie

    April 18, 2015 at 2:46 am

    The new webpage look great.I had a date with my ex it went great until he ask me about my boyfriend. I have been dating this guy for a few months . I decide to tell my ex that he doing great but am not sure what I want from the relationship with him. Did I mess it up my chance with my ex I do want my ex back.

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2015 at 8:54 pm

      Glad you are liking it.

      The consensus seems to be that everyone really likes it.

  16. Sarah

    April 4, 2015 at 8:54 pm

    Me and this guy went out for 5 months and he’s a pretty busy guy with two jobs and his own business.

    In the beginning, he would always text me everyday regardless of how busy he was but then it started to change after 3 months. I was the one who was initiating more and asking him out dates, and he always apologizes for MIA cause of work.

    This week, he said he thinks I’m fun and awesome and loves hanging out with me but he doesn’t see it as becoming a serious thing and wants to be friends. Is there anything I can do to change his mind to pursue this relationship again? We just have similar aspects and beliefs in life and our personalities just clicks and I feel we could have lasted a long time if he wasn’t so busy. What should I do to make him come back?

  17. minnie

    March 27, 2015 at 1:47 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me and after 2 weeks reached out, we were texting for 2 weeks and he asked me out, we needed to reschedule it due to his work. We met pretty much two weeks ago, it went perfect. He took me to a bar and was very flirty (same as in texts). I could easily tell he missed me a lot and he told me that when he kissed me. We would walk together holding hands and hugging. After the bar we went to his place and we slept together and he made us another drink. He told me some things about his family I didn’t know about and we had great time laughing and talking. Later we went at mine where we spent the whole night. He would hug me and kiss when I was sleeping, he told me I’m beautiful. The next day, around 12:30 he had to leave (so it’s not like he left right after we slept together). He kissed me and said “see you baby”. And I haven’t heard from him since then. I know he is very busy with work but i do not find it fair. I messaged him on saturday being very nice and not needy at all and he read my message when he was offline as so i couldn’t see he read it. He was online just twice since that saturday, just for the moment. Before he got online for the first time after my text he liked my newly-posted picture on facebook which i find veeeery weird as we never do it. We have no contact on facebook and we do not like our posts nor pictures. He still has not messaged me. I know he really likes me though. Another weird thing is that our work colleague (i don’t work there anymore) messaged me two days after we went out (maybe he told him, no idea) and has not replied either and he liked the picture right after my ex did!!! I find it incredibly strange. Do you think he will come back again and he is just genuinely lost or should I just move on? I know there is no other girl and i know he really likes me though he has not texted me for pretty much 2 weeks… nothing since we’ve met.

    1. admin

      March 29, 2015 at 2:45 pm

      Have you been using NC on him?

    2. minnie

      March 29, 2015 at 6:25 pm

      Yes and after two weeks he reached out. Going to do it again. Do you think it might work?

  18. Kay

    March 26, 2015 at 1:16 am

    After first lunch with your ex and it did go over well. What is the next plan of action? I have looked everywhere but I have found no information on this subject.

    1. admin

      March 31, 2015 at 8:15 pm

      Listen to this,

      https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/episode25/

      It gives you a tennative game plan to follow.

  19. Carolina

    March 25, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    So my situation is a bit tricky. We sorta broke up a week ago, we had been having a lousy month and we went to a concert had a great time but at the end we had a stupid fight (my fault), and he got super mad and was supper mean (not dancing with me, and sitting far away in the car ride back). All of this made me start thinking of all the bad things in the relationship, and I stated I wanted to have a long conversation the next day but when I said this he broke up with me. He said he loved me but could not be in a relationship and wanted to try to be friends…I said no, that it was all or nothing and asked for a monthly trial…after discussing this he said ok. Two days after that we went to have a cup of coffee and he mostly did the talking, he said he was conflicted bc he loved that sweet side of me and loved to have me around, but hat I also had this hard cruel side that sometimes made him question whether he could imagine a future with me. He did not want to meet anybody else and was generally confused. He said he would give us that monthly trial but that he needed to not see me until the 1st of April, we agreed we would not go out with other ppl. He said we could text but that we could not see each other. So the first three days we texted but it was weird, cordial but just not flowing. I would obsess on what he wrote and how long it took him to respond, so I decided to go cold turkey, told him that I would prefer that we didn’t talk during these two weeks and he concurred (it actually seemed like he did not care). So we are just scheduled to see each other on the first. But I’m terrified; does your article apply to this situation? How should I act? What if he does not show up?

    1. admin

      March 31, 2015 at 8:05 pm

      Most of it should apply!

  20. Jess

    March 25, 2015 at 6:11 pm

    My ex and I have hung out three times in the past month. The last time I saw him we went to dinner & came back to my apartment. He was flirting like crazy, kept talking when he said he was leaving my apartment, was tickling me, & he even slapped my butt with a stack of papers he was holding. I figured these were all pretty clear signs he wanted to kiss me. So when he was walking to his truck I called his name and he came back and I tried to kiss him- he turned his head and said no and that he couldn’t. He then denied flirting with me. He told me we could hang out as friends since he thought that this was all it was. He also said he was scared.

    Am I crazy or is he just super difficult? I thought I was doing everything right. Now it is kind of awkward and near impossible to get him to hang out. How do I proceed?

    1. admin

      March 31, 2015 at 8:04 pm

      You didn’t do the right thing when trying to get that kiss… You may have come off as desperate.

    2. Jess

      March 25, 2015 at 6:21 pm

      Forgot to mention he called me when he got home & we talked for a while- he told me that I should know he takes things slow. He said he loves hanging out with me and feels like himself when he is with me. He then said he started the healing process, thought I had moved on from him and I told him I have not moved on. He is starting a business and is super busy in all aspects of his life so I dont want to pressure him. Should I just see him here and there? It is just confusing!

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