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310 thoughts on “What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)”

  1. ale

    March 27, 2017 at 1:08 am

    Hi!!! i broke with my boyfriend 1.5 months ago.
    Went to the NC period of 23 days. i started texting him and he responded possitive. He told me that weekend he was going to be on vacation on a bachelor party, to Los Cabos (we are from Mexico).
    he uploaden pictures with his friends on the plane, and later, he uploaded 5 videos taken by his ex girlfriend (from 6 years ago, when they where in highschool, and everyone knows how slutty she is), they where in the beach, taking trips on a kayac, every video was taken by her, my heart was broken.
    She lives there (in Los Cabos) im sure they will not be seeing each other again anytime soon.
    I IGNORED ALL THAT. my NC period was over and started texting.
    He responded quick, but short.
    Today he agreed to give me my shoes that where at his place. and he was extra friendly (just a week ago was with the slutty ex gf),
    he told me how great i looked. twice.
    he joked about how much i changed after we broke up.
    He was interested in what i had to say and told me about how his family was doing.
    We chatted half an hour and i left.

    2 hours latter i texted him and he answered me possitive and with long answers. he even sent me a video of what he was doing in the moment, then a pic and i said good bye because i had things to do.
    He answered me asking me more things which i didnt respond.

    AM I IN THE RIGHT PATH? im not sure on how to work the being there technique.
    Also im going out of town for the next 2 weeks, so i wont be here. should i keep texting him??
    Or NC again? im confused.

    We both are 26 years old, i dont know if that matters

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2017 at 2:28 pm

      Hi Ale,

      yes, you’re on the right path.. you can text during the vacay too..

  2. drizzy

    February 26, 2017 at 5:34 am

    hi amor! you told me to read this article, and so i did. well the thing with my ex is he’s not dating this new girl, but they definitely have a thing. i’m not entirely sure how i can make myself present in his life when he doesn’t seem to care or want me. it hurts so bad seeing him with someone new, and him going out of his way for her like he used to do to me. i try to stay present by talking to him sometimes since he’s in my 2nd period. but i feel like he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. i feel like he just wants me to move already so he can get over me fully. i don’t want to leave him. i love him. it makes me sad knowing him and i might never be on good terms again. what do you think i should do amor? how do i make myself present without showing “interest.” i don’t want him to think i’m less than, that’s why i never initiate. he doesn’t care to talk to me anymore either.. please amor! any advice on how to make myself present in his life without showing him that i still have feelings. it’s hard to play out..

    1. drizzy

      February 27, 2017 at 10:06 pm

      & also, do you think it would be inappropriate of me to ask one of his friends? i was honestly thinking of opening up to his friend shane because shane and i are kinda close. like i said, him and i have allll mutual friends. it’s hard for them to pick “sides” i guess. i was wanting to go to shane just because he understands & he never has one sided opinions. i would love to go to my ex straight up, but i just don’t want to bother ESPECIALLY if he has a thing for someone else. i know how it feels to “like” someone else. you forget about your ex and don’t care about that. basically you don’t want anything to do with them, so that could be his thoughts towards me..

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 28, 2017 at 6:35 pm

      I would do it sooner and I would be indifferent to establish that he’s being silly being a snob but I wouldn’t involve his friends. Because if he doesn’t want to chase, involving his friends looks like chasing to him.

    3. drizzy

      February 27, 2017 at 9:45 pm

      i might be over dramatic or over thinking, but i can tell he’s happy liking this new girl. when he walked by me today, he barely smiled and he kinda gave me like this “don’t care about u” look. i think we both really just need to talk. it would be so good to communicate, but it’s not going to be that way only because i can tell he doesn’t want me near him. it hurts me. i’m sorry for being repetitive, but it’s going to be hard for me to straight up say “hey i’m moving soon, can we at least be on good terms?” i know he might just say “ya, we’re good.” he’s subtle. never wants to give his all so i always wanna give up, but i never will. he’s soooo good at the games he plays, and i feel like i’m constantly loosing. it’s hard. & if you were in my shoes, would you say it sooner or later in may when i leave?

    4. drizzy

      February 27, 2017 at 8:04 am

      i would love to stay friends and definitely leave on good terms! do you think i should tell him right before i leave or sometime soon. do i pull him aside and ask to talk, or randomly go up to him and say that? i really just need that closure or just to know we’re on good terms. i wanna leave off on the right foot. even if i move, he’lol probably never speak to me again, but as long as i can tell him i’d like to be on good terms. how and when should i tell him? at lunch he hangs out with that girl…so i’m not really sure when i should tell him?

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2017 at 7:33 pm

      don’t make it so serious when you tell him, maybe when you pass by him at class when he’s alone or if you’re handing something over to him.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2017 at 7:32 pm

      Honestly, it’s looking your best always, being your best. If it’s awkward for him, then don’t approach to talk much but smile if you bump into each other or you can try to be candid like tell him, “Hey, I’m moving soon. I hope I can leave with us being in good terms at least.”

  3. Tam

    February 10, 2017 at 3:59 am

    Basically me and my ex broke up around a month ago and I’m 20 and he’s 25! (2 days before my birthday which is January 7 haha!) He didn’t want to break up before my birthday but a week prior to the breakup I was feeling it coming and I had anxiety about it so I told him we had to talk and so we ended up breaking up. He was nice enough to come to my birthday surprise on the 6th of jan and even wanted to take me out like he had planned for my birthday on jan 7 but I told him to talk face to face one last time instead. He basically said that I was the best girlfriend he ever had and that he loved the most and the way his previous girlfriends treated him was nothing compared to the way I treated him and that he still had feelings for me but that it had to end. Things is you might be thinking he’s lying but I know the guy very well and he is never the type to say stuff just to make others feel better he’s very blunt. He told me he broke up for several reasons: he didn’t feel the chase anymore, basically that I had become this needy and clingy person (not his words but me interpreting what he meant), the relationship was getting too serious (I’ve never made it seem serious since I never met his parents or talked about marriage) and finally because of the problems (I did make a lot of fights for no reason and stupid ones too so I understand this reason). I thought the breakup was clean and I just talked to him 2 days after the break up briefly but didn’t beg or anything because I had read other sites about these mistakes to avoid and so I started the no contact rule. Thing is I bumped into him a week after the breakup and his friend who really wanted us to fix things gave us space for me and him to talk. I didn’t say I wanted him back but I basically told him that I’m glad I had this time and the way we were we had to breakup because I really became dependent on him, needy etc and that this wasn’t the person I am because I wasn’t like that in the beginning of the relationship and he knows what kind of person I am. He seemed to be impressed but that was it. I was dealing with the breakup the best I can and after that he talked to me two times once with an inside joke and the other asking about my university and how’s it going. I was very indifferent both times. Problem is I found out through Instagram that he is dating when I saw a picture of a girl hugging him with hashtags like #boyfriend #girlfriend etc (who does that??) so I got really hurt but still I didn’t talk to him. I mentionned to his friend in a very unobvious way that he was dating and they didn’t know!! The next day he talked to me apologizing and saying he’s sorry for not telling me it happened so fast he’s known the girl for 3 years (happened fast= rebound no? And if he’s known her for 3 years why hasn’t he ever tried anything with her?) I was very indifferent in my replies but after two days I felt like I had to talk to him to get my closure (I probably shouldn’t have but it went better than I thought!) I called him and we ended up meeting Saturday (this last Saturday). I was very cool and calm I told him my intention wasn’t to try to get him back nor to sabotage his relationship (although it perfectly was my actual intention) and he told me he knows I’m not like that etc. I told him that I felt disrespected because he didn’t tell me and that he actually told me that he wouldn’t be with girls or relationship directly after the breakup so he lied to me and it made me wonder if everything else was a lie. He told me he didn’t want a relationship and wasn’t planning on it but it happened. Thing is I know the guy he likes to take his time it took us 3 month to date him and this girl they ended up dating in less than a week (I know another sign of rebound but still). The girl seemed really opposite to what he likes, from the picture she posted she seemed so into him so I was like you told me you didn’t want clingy or chase but here she is exactly like how I was at the end of the relationship but worse this is how she is! He told me the girl isn’t like that in real life although when she posted the picture with the hashtags it scared him because he hadn’t asked her out officially. He also told me that I’m mad because He didn’t give me a chance but that several times before the actual breakup we were going to breakup but never did and that we were unhappy for the last month and a half of the relationship. Although I kept trying to tell him that I was reacting to how he was treating me (push and pull theory) he kept saying that this is how I am in a relationship and he didn’t even want to give us a chance after because in his head we just don’t work out (but I was not convinced). He asked to be friends and I told him I couldn’t but then we started talking about what was going on and brining back good old memories and I really made him very comfortable. This is when the flirting and jealousy started. I slipped it into the convo that I was seeing a guy but felt guilty up until I knew my ex was dating so he got really curious. He wanted to know his name, asked me to show a picture of him and I purposely showed him a snap of the guy hugging me then directly closed my phone as if I didn’t want him to see the picture (but I did 😉 ) he got really mad and asked if I kissed him which I said no to while smiling and then said yes (all mind games) he got really mad saying we won’t last and he even said that he wasn’t gonna marry his current GF he even said that maybe they would end up breaking next week who knows. Then I started pulling all kinds of tricks on him like telling him if my lipstick was still good, asking him to smell my perfume and he would go like don’t do this to me or don’t let me get to your neck. I even told him how he was dealing with the fact his current gf has no nails and no ass (he used to be obsessed with my nails and ass) so he kept looking at my nails with agony and touching my hand. I have to mention with all modesty that the new guy I told him about is way better looking than him and that I am way better looking than the girl. Not to be so snob but there is no comparison and I know that the fact the guy is hotter would bother him. Also I’m a premed student in the hardest and well known uni in my country while she is doing some musicology shit in some shit university. Anyways the guy was being very flirty and touchy like touching my face, stomach etc and he finally told me he was still attracted to me and that I had to tell him to stop. At one point he got so close we were going to kiss but I turned. I was very confused because there he was telling me he got with her so fast cause they clicked and found things in her he liked although she seems to be nothing like what he looks for aka stupid and desperate and needy (I even asked someone about her that told me the girl is so easy and talks to so many guys) yet he is still with her but did do all of those things with me. Also, I asked him indirectly and found out that they already did some stuff (says a lot about the girl no? They date in 3 days and she already does stuff with him?) Like he even told me If he wanted to make things work he would have kept talking to me all the time but he didn’t basically these are my questions:
    1) Is he really not wanting to give us a chance at all or is there way to change his mind?
    2) is this girl a rebound or not? Like why would he even get in a relationship if he felt so smothered with me right after we broke up and what if he actually likes her or end up liking her because this is what he’s claiming!
    3) is there anything I can do or should do now or how do get him back? Do I talk to him or do I leave him, what’s the best way to get him back to me?
    4) what happened when we met up because I got really confused as to his mixed signals! Is the fact he’s attracted to me a good thing or does it only mean he looks at me physically or?

    I forgot to add that he was the one chasing me in the beginning but the tables turned at the end! I know this is so long but I really hope you read it all because I really need some advice since I’m way too confused like this!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 10, 2017 at 5:32 pm

      Hi Tam,

      It’s probaby his ego at play when he knew you dated other guys because he’s used to you being clingy to him.
      but more likely, she’s not a rebound.. no matter how incompatible you think they are, and how easy she is.. if he said you’re clingy and then went to her, then that leans more on the grass is greener case.. There’s something about her that he finds interesting.. As the cliche goes, actions speak louder than words..he told what’s pleasant and then did something else.. I think you should start with not explaining yourself always.. just do things.. Be active in having your own routine.. If you want, restart the nc, do 30 days and then after that continue improving yourself while slowly building rapport.. Dont ask to be friends, dont tell him you’re just being friendly(unless he asks) just be friendly..

  4. Desiree

    February 2, 2017 at 8:24 pm

    I just had a whirlwind no-sexual but very close relationship end abruptly. It only lasted a month and a half. He texted and called constantly. Told me he wanted to spend every moment with me and did so. He picked me up from work every night and always had an adventure or just wanted to go out to eat and always wanted to hold my hand. Even progressed into telling me he loves me. We did so many fun things together in such a short time. He was completely respectful, even telling me that he loved me more for waiting to have sex. I told him my next would be my last and I wanted to be married to him. But we did get very passionate. We went to church together and he said let’s go every week. After church out for lunch and so laughing and happy. Just acting so in love. I had to work at 2pm and he was just driving around. I asked him where we were going. He said no where he just wanted to be with me up until 2pm. We are so new to each other but that day we both shared more intimate personal information. He had already told me his mom died when he was 16. Now he was telling me that it was on Feb 14 so he doesn’t feel the same about Valentine’s Day. I shared that I am adopted and about how I grew up away from my ethnic culture (which is similar to his) and how I didn’t even know my ethnic background until a dna test a few years back. I was a little misty about this and he pulled over the car. Said the most lovely words about how it was not my fault, how my adoptive parents were angels (I ALWAYS say that. My siblings never say it. One of hundreds of examples of how we always say the same things, eat and drink the same, really obscure interests, neither of us knows anyone else that shares so much of our unique interests and backgrounds like we were going through the same experimentations about life in different places. We are constantly getting freaked out by how much we have in common.) So he takes me to work and we’re making out like crazy as usual before I begin. He asks if he can pick me up at 6pm when I leave. Of course. But at 4pm he calls. His voice is troubled. He says he has a problem. I could tell it was serious. I got into understanding perfect woman mode and told him it’s okay. Handle your business. I’ll see you tomorrow. I started send encouraging texts. All night he never answered. Not like him. We were stuck together like glue. He texted me like crazy all day with photos of where he was funny memes, hearts, and I love you and how great he thinks I am different from other women messages. After 10pm he just texted that I should get some rest. He has texted this before but always with hearts and I love yous. This time no and I COULD FEEL IT WAS DIFFERENT. Eventualy I cracked and texted a question of if he waa going to have sex with another woman. Just something I felt even though he only had eyes for me when we were out. But I’m a pisces and maybe a little psychic? He’s cancer and we’re said o be perfectly matched. It felt that way.

    The next morning he calls me and tells a story: 2 years ago he met a girl from another country (he is also from another different country) in an English language class (we all speak spanish but I was born and raised in US with english as my 1st language). She became his gf. She went back to her country. They were over. She showed up yesterday when he left me. He was talking to her now. He told her about me. She was angry. You already know what I said. He said he never thought this would happen. She was gone and they had broken up but she arrived to reclaim the relationship. He was struggling but all I could think about was how horny I had gotten this guy and not had sex with him. A couple hours later he calls and said they’re back together. They’ve had sex. I’m hysterical in my reply. He says she’s his gf
    I say but I’m your gf. He says no. Can you imagine the pain? We had never had an argument or disagreement. In the preceefing month and a half we both talked and looked at each other like we were enamored. Now we hung up and I send messages about my devastation. He had asked me to never give him up on many occasions. So now I text reminding him that she had left him and I never would have. How he said he’d never leave me. How I’m not going anywhere and he now has two gf’s. He texted back a long message. It was very compassionate repeating that he never expected this as they were finished, that she left her country and job as a lawyer for him, that I am a special woman and he is not worth it. He said he hoped God and I could forgive him for losing me. He said it was not just about sex as I had accused because before me he went out a lot. He asked for me to seek God for comfort and peace and that he feels super bad and that he is not a man of God and not worth it (although coincidentally my church was not new to him he had been there like it and the pastor and said he wanted to go weekly plus touched my leg when they were talking about the premarital classes). The most compassionate kind lovely break up ever. Then texted it hurt so much to read my texts of my pain please don’t send anymore. He used praying hand iconsa few times. So i replied all the pathetic love you and wait for you stuff. I’ve sent songs that I know touglch him -obscure favorite artist in common. I sent a drunk rambling text. I sent pathetic photo strip of sadness. 5 texts in two weeks. No reply. Maybe I’m blocked. I don’t have the courage call and find out. The new gf prolly had him block me. That would be better than seeing that stuff I suppose. But I have his other phone number too. So should I send condolences on Feb 14 since I love him and know it will be rough day. Latinos always grieve the loss of loved ones yearly. Or is it still a nc day. And shpuld I even bother. I think she is the ungettable girl and I was the rebound. But we had been surprisingly perfect together. He definitely took my standard to new level and I see I had settled in every relationship before him.

    1. Desiree

      February 4, 2017 at 12:28 am

      Thank you. I’ll offer my condolences and follow a text example I read here somewhere about saying I need to work on me now, but nothing more, and begin 30 days nc. Thank you

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 4, 2017 at 12:31 pm

      ok, you’re welcome!

    3. Desiree

      February 2, 2017 at 11:04 pm

      Yes if you know and don’t reach out with words of comfort it’s kinda not nice. it’s common to express yearly condolences because latinos grieve and commemorate yearly with flowers in the home, trips to the gravesite (which is especially difficult and sad if you can’t go because you are out of the country so tgen you’re expressing a deeper level of sadness for the hurt added to injury) and special dinners. People always relive it. You’ve heard of the Day of the Dead? Commemorating a loved one’s death is a big thing and another loved one would be considered heartless to not acknowledge the deceased. But am I too removed from the loved one circle? Also, about her seeming as the ungettable girl and me being the rebound? Does that ruin my chances? Please answer thoughtfully and not a canned “yes you have a chance”. I read alot on this site and Chris is always honest even with bad news. Thanks so much.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 3, 2017 at 4:13 pm

      ah.. well, if it’s really like that then yes, greet him.. but only make it about that.. the chances actually depend more on your mindset and improvement..if she’s an ungettable girl, give her a good fight by focusing in improving yourself first. continue that even building rapport, if it doesnt work later on then move on
      dont give up too early just because you worry about them

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 2, 2017 at 9:51 pm

      Hi Desiree,

      I’m not familiar with how your culture is, but do you greet each other condolences on death of a family every year even if so many years had passed? If you’re going to do nc, better to not greet him..

  5. Lilly

    January 29, 2017 at 3:17 am

    What if your ex and you broke up in November and you found out in January he is dating a new person is that rebound too ? And he told me to move on when I texted him a flirty message. Also I have texted him and he always opens them and it says read but he never respond we dated for a year. So yea I can’t be there since he doesn’t want to talk to me right now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 29, 2017 at 11:55 am

      Hi Lilly,

      do you want to try the no contact and then follow the advice above?

  6. Eeda

    January 20, 2017 at 4:06 pm

    Hi, so does the being there strategy mean that you should friendzone yourself on purpose? What about if the ex boyfriend wanted to stay friends after the breakup but you declined when he told you about the new girl? It’s been only a month after the breakup I think it’s a rebound

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2017 at 7:08 pm

      Hi Eeda,

      yep you should act friendly on purpose

  7. J

    January 4, 2017 at 1:27 pm

    Happy new year!

    Sorry for my English in advance, I’m not english speaker 🙁

    My ex broke up with me at 13th Dec after almost 1year relationship(we both in early 20s, He is younger than me)
    Our relationship was great, we discussing about marrige too. Even at that day we broke up we had great time together at his home too.
    But while he and I watched movie using his phone one txt was popped up, that sender had messanger profile picture
    that selfie of unknown girl(sender) and my ex
    I’m so embarrased also pissed off all of sudden then started asking him who is that girl
    He kept telling me she’s “just friend”. But i thought at least he trying to see another girl, because one day he lied me
    that he met his friend(guy) but i saw that guy on street by accident and he didn’t know about that. so I asked my ex if at
    that day you met that girl then he adimitted.
    I couldn’t stop crying, he finally yelled at me that i’m overeacting and said we’re done. Then he insisted she is friend, he met her to get advise about
    christmas event for me, he bought for ring for me blah blah blah… But I knew its lie. Because whenever I found his fault, he always insist that kinda story. (He is immature lol)

    I left his home and saw he changed his profile picture to selfie of him and her from mine
    I was in shock, feel betrayed etc.
    But he kept texting me like that sorry, i just need time, love you baby.. So i asked him why he had to change his picture to selfie of you two
    Then he said he wanted to let me know she is just friend
    I thought its bull shit but anyway i kept contacting with him. But i felt he hangout with that girl in this period.

    At 20th Dec he asked me out saying he wanna see me and talk with me so i met him.
    He acted like boyfriend as before when we met, so i said him we broke up and what u wanna do
    He said he wanna get back together from christmas day. I almost agreed with him, we promised meet at Christmas.

    But 2days after(22nd Dec) He suddenly said me he has family problem and he in pain, hes so stressful now etc so he needed time to be alone,
    and asked me like “If you really love me, you would wait for me.”
    So i said him he can tell me his problem but he said he afraid if he take his anger to me out.
    Also he said he wanna be alone at Christmas so we can meet 26th Dec.

    … I was sure that he just need time to meet that girl more and wanna meet her at Christmas.

    My self-esteem was destroyed, my plan for christmas with him was ruined. so i ignored his text til 24th to see what happened.
    And finally I saw he uploaded his relationship status with that girl on his facebook at 24th Night.
    Funny thing was that status was saying they started relationship 15th. (2days after we broke up)

    Its sooo hurted me. My friend was pissed off, she called him.
    Then he texted me a lot like that “I love you, i promise i will come back for you somedays, I just needed break thats all, Soon we will date again i promise…”
    So i replied just merry christmas.

    He didn’t contact me after that text but he sent me a instagram request then cancelled it at 2nd Jan.
    I thought it could be mistake. But a day after that day (3th Jan) he texted me “Happy New Year Kitty” (kitty was my nickname that he called me)
    And I cannot say anything till now BC i dont know what should I do even tho i wanna keep NC

    My questions are..

    1. He is in rebound or had grass is greener syndrome or both? (His friend told me he met that girl in person just once before we broke up. So he started dating with that girl after he hungout with that girl just twice or three times)
    2. I wanna make him miss me, so What’s best way to deal with his text “happy new year”?

    I’m so sorry to its too long text.
    Also thank you so much for reading my story.
    I’ll looking forward to hearing from u 🙂

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 6, 2017 at 6:22 am

      HI J,

      it’s a grass is greener syndrome. For me, if you really want him to respect you, don’t let him treat you like somebody he can just go back to despite of what he did. Move on. He has to see and think that you’re that girl just waiting for him.

  8. Fiore

    December 12, 2016 at 7:19 pm

    Hi Amor,

    I am in the following situation and for me it is quite complicated to handle everything right now, so I really need some advice. I will try to explain my situation in a nutshell and I have received some advice already, but I’m not sure if it is the best thing I can do, so if you have another idea of what’s the best thing to do, i would love to hear it!

    My ex boyfriend and I know each other for three years and we started dating almost 2 years ago, as from the beginning he was chasing me, but I wasn’t ready for it so he actually waited almost a year for me to be his girlfriend; I was a kind of his ungettable girl. After a few months he broke up with me as we didn’t had much time for each other and I was going to move a few hours away.

    We remained friends, texted a lot and saw each other when we could as I hadn’t moved a couple of hours away by then.
    But I just have moved to another city, almost two months ago. So we texted, called and saw each other still for two years after the break up. Of course we had our ups and downs but eventhough everything we became stronger everytime; I really believe our relation is stronger than we had when we were a happy couple.

    I have made some principle huge mistakes; he always knew I would be there for him; so I am not the ungettable girl anymore, he knows I want him back and we have slept with each other many times after the break up.

    A month before I actually moved out of the city, we had a great conversation about life and about us and that things will eventually get in our favor, when it is our time. We really believe in our chemistry and in everything that’s going on between us. But a month after I had moved, he became distant to me and we had some trouble in getting a long; we never had been in trouble with each other and we never have had a fight. At first I taught he became distant, because of the real distant there is between us., but turns out; that’s not whats going on.
    A couple of weeks ago we have spent the weekend together at his place and when I was back home he told me why he was so distant to me (the last few weeks and during the weekend I was at his place; he is seeing another new girl and they are actually a sort of a couple since ‘now’.
    Before her and after me he have had another girlfriend and he acted the same when he was with that girl for a while; he became distant to me, said that I had to move on, forget about him,( you know stuff like that) a This time he is doing the same thing; he is saying he doesn’t want to be with me as he’s now with her etcetera, but he wants to remain friends or actually do everything like we did before and act like we did before.

    It feels like it is harder for me this time than when he had something with the other girl, maybe because it makes me really fearfull for losing him as I am not around the corner anymore. Or losing him at all.

    I was thinking about doing a no contact for 21-30 days, as I understand he has to miss me and make him feel he had lost a great girl in his life. Thereby so that I can improve and become his ungettable girl again. Is this a good idea or should I try something else? Or is it really too late to do a no contact on him? If so feel free to give me advice in what’s the best to do in my situation. I do really want to know what’s the best thing to do for me.
    I truly believe in us, it may be not the right time, but I don’t think love is love, if you just can stop loving someone!

    I would love to hear from you!

    (I am really sorry if my english isn’t understandable or great, it is not my first language. So hopefully you can understand).

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2016 at 9:24 pm

      HI Fiore,

      You’ve been chasing him so long, I think you need to do at least 45 days, and really make it seem you’re moving on and don’t ever sleep with him again.

  9. R

    November 23, 2016 at 5:20 am

    Hi Amor,
    Me and my ex situation is a bit tricky. He started seeing this new girl while he’s still with me. He told me he feels I am not the one, so he told me he won’t commit to me, but I didn’t want to break up…so that’s how it happened. I just found out he’s going to an event with this new girl…I think it’s probably bad idea if I go there unintentionally and see them there right? Maybe I will feel hurt more? I know who she is already, so it’s not like I am there to find out who she is. I read the guide, but I am not sure how do I make myself “present” without crossing the line? Any other suggestions? Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 25, 2016 at 8:02 pm

      Hi R
      have you done the no contact rule? So, for a long time you stayed in contact because you still love him, if you showed up in that concert it would look like you’re keeping an eye on him right? Staying present will only help if he thinks you have moved on and improved and if your presence doesn’t look intentional..

  10. cammi

    November 20, 2016 at 5:52 am

    Hi, sorry to msg again!

    But I have a really important question regarding my ex bf that we are friends now and have been sexually involved and getting close for about a year and half.. but now obviously we aren’t as good and he is trying to “breakup” when we arent even together.. and thinks being friends is best. (which is funny a week ago he said he still loved me and cared thats why he keeps messaging my friend how i am etc) so now I WAS wondering after reading Chris’s outline about reverse psychology and the male mind etc… if I suddenly act very calm and cool and collected instead of the past week of being clingy and needy and obsessive.. (it made him feel pressured thus deciding to “give up” because of me pushing so much..) will he find it weird and think “wow … why is she suddenly going cold turkey and wow we’re laughing again and having a more relaxed time..” won’t he think to himself why does she not care? or basically “end” the “breakup” by happy memories.. he agreed to come by mine and relax and talk to my mum.. don’t think he has given up yet. NC will really help like you said but after i see him I will begin on the 25th.. I will have fun show him how i usually am a good time then BAM stop everything..

    I even asked him last year when he came back and we got close again “So if I acted like i didn’t care and showed no emotion and just backed off.. would you be leaning towards me more since I wasn’t acting psycho?” he replied while smiling “yeah… to be honest I think it would’ve worked if you didnt give me attention” I just replied “wow!” and smiled back.

    Whenever the pressures of fights and controlling happens he gets doubts … and he even said the excuse with his mum was an excuse it was more him wanting to run away from drama.. so my WHOLE POINT IS… what if I stop the drama 😉 what if i act like I do not care and act like the UG ??? Men want what they cannot have right… he can have me now thats why he doesnt! when i gave him space and he was talking to my friends and his asking for opinion he wasn’t sure, he was 50/50 then he randomly decided OK NOW ILL JUST STOP (because of my constant begging..) won’t that confuse him? HE is emotional and sensitive too so he is applicable on working with the RP method Chris said.

    ALSO i have done the begging and calling and texting which pushed him to FINALLY decide even if he doesn’t want the outcome.. is reverse psychology still applicable since I know him so well and since i asked him last year (after the first time we broke up) he agreed “yeah.. as bad as it sounds, you being cold and distant and not begging or crying would’ve made me want to come back or try”

    1. cammi

      November 22, 2016 at 1:13 am

      Yes I know, I saw him yesterday and he talked to my mum and me and was very honest and he said he still loves me but obviously only wants to be friends… we had sex and regretted it and how he had no self control. He admitted to liking the other girl AND i think he was up until 3 am talking to her… My mother said to let him do as he wishes be free since he always needs time to realise what he wants for a 22 year old boy. He does not want to be committed with anyone but for now… he does not want a relationship with me. I am very upset but I am glad my mum sensed he still loved me and her verbally told me he does still, the mother issue was an excuse but when another girl comes his way he acts weird.. and likes talking to them… he doesn’t want to give me hope for the future but he knows nothing is certain in the future he only tells me “no future, no hope” so i don’t obsess even if he believes we might and we could… but for my sanity he has to be “savage” as he says… He kisses me and hugs me. He feels bad that I am being too kind and my family too but he cannot do the same… he knows he can’t get better than me..but maybe because he knows he can have me he doesn’t ?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      He doesnt know you’re the best because he can have you? I think he knows you’re the best so far, maybe he just thinks there can be someone better or he knows you’ll wait for him

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 21, 2016 at 10:56 pm

      Hi Cammi,
      the change has to be genuine because later on he will notice that you are in this pattern of ignoring him.. And if he doesnt act the way you want him to, what will you do? Go back begging? The ungettable girl talks first, and when it’s clear that the guy doesnt have the same core values or interests or doesnt meet the non negotiables, she walks away even if it hurts..

  11. cammi

    November 19, 2016 at 3:19 am


    So I have previously messaged and you said maybe it’s time for me to move on because he is not ready NOW… but when he agrees to just be friends and not want a commitment with anyone.. then maybe he moves on with someone else? To me that won’t last, only because he did this with another girl then he broke up with her 3-4 months later due to being long distance and him caring less.. I was just wondering, that I am seeing him for the last time on monday then wednesday to have dinner for our birthday then thursday with our other friend and he agreed and said he wont bail. That is not the issue.. Imagine I went from 100-0… If i was begging and crying before to not really caring and ending on a fun and stress free note? He will be so shocked.. because when my second ex and i broke up.. my olderknown ex- ryan and i started talking because he messaged me.. he was telling the girl maybe he shouldn’t of since I was happy and then ruined it thus beginning our cycle again. I also told him when we later became close last year.. “Hey ryan, If i didn’t beg, cry or ask you to keep coming back… would you have made effort and came back? If I didn’t care.. would you?” and he simply laughed a bit and said “i think i would… yeah! then he said I don’t know why but guess thats how humans are wired. When someone tells us they want us so bad and will die for us.. it’s too much but imagine going 100-0.. on scale so quick that we think woah.. where is she?” but that was what he said when we first started getting close and how he doesn’t want to be friends with benefits since it fucks with his head and him getting attached which is fair.. but if we’re friends and he falls inlove will he stop himself or just go for it? The mum issue is an excuse as I asked him ages ago and he said “yeah … it kind of was an excuse, it was more about me wanting to run away and be free of stress and drama, plus someone else was giving him attention!”

    SO with knowing all of that.. and how emotional/sensitive he really is… Would being cold and accepting the breakup of this “no label ” relationship work? as he’s been back twice… since 3 years ago. He does get jealous and if friendship communication are open then that’s not TOO bad? I am seeing him Monday.. what should we talk about or NOT talk about? Should I act like everything is all bliss and cool and shock him I’m taking it ok?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 21, 2016 at 10:56 pm

      Hi Cammi,
      the change has to be genuine because later on he will notice that you are in this pattern of ignoring him.. And if he doesnt act the way you want him to, what will you do? Go back begging? The ungettable girl talks first, and when it’s clear that the guy doesnt have the same core values or interests or doesnt meet the non negotiables, she walks away even if it hurts..

  12. Ana

    November 19, 2016 at 1:09 am

    My fiancé and I dated for 3 years and we were doing fine and al of sudden he broke it off and it’s been alittle over a month and he’s been hanging out with this girl. He says they’re not dating that it’s not that serious but she sleeps over with him and he’s always hanging out with her …I ended up blocking all contact from him and he calls me from random numbers telling me he misses me and to unblock him in case he needs me and that I’m the love of his life yet he’s still hanging with this girl and he hasn’t contacted me That much these past two days from the other numbers since I blocked him …I’m tired of the games but I also dont want him to move on to another girl especially so soon I don’t understand how he could move on so quickly …what do i do at this point …move on from the man I wanted to Marry or give it time … he freaked out when I blocked him but why do so if you’re not even worrying about me …and I also want to add that for the first month I was being a GNAT…constantly calling and texting because I felt something was up but now I’m in unbearable pain and sadness and just want to be okay at this point is there hope he’ll come back to me …because unfortunately he did this once before and came right back 3 weeks later but that was a mutual breakup up …will he come back this time

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 21, 2016 at 8:59 pm

      Hi Ana,

      even if you blocked him and you’re not talking to him, have you tried to be active to heal and improve yourself? And the downside of this is that, this already happened before, so it’s sounding like a pattern. But this time, you have to be active in improving yourself. Yeah, he’s calling and texting you if you block him, but it can just mean that he’s used to you being his. If he’s really serious, he will straighten up.

  13. Gail

    November 13, 2016 at 9:17 pm


    So my ex dumped me 4 months ago and did the past 3 months he’s been having a girl over constantly. Someone one of his friends used to date. My ex & I are on speaking terms at the moment (he initiated it…although it’s not constant & I’m not putting in an effort because IF he wants to work things out with me I want him to come to me. Im open to it but I’m fine without him even though we dated for a year I’m just not happy with how he seemed to move on so fast so I’m trying to move on myself) and he has yet to bring her up with me. Our talks seem platonic and I’m not interested in being friends.

    Anyways my question is with his new girl, they have yet to come out as official. She spends most days over at his place and according to a friend of hers I talk to she claims they are not dating “just close friends.” Does it seem to be a fwb situation? Because I have my doubts and think she’s his gf and they just hid it given how shady it is soon after dumping me.

    Also the person I know who knows her said she passed his house when she was happening to leave his place in the early afternoon. She said that me ex gave her a close tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. No kiss on the lips. Does that type of parting seem like bf/gf or more just friends? I’m curious. I know when I started spending time at his place and seeing him (we didn’t really date before…like it’s not like he invited me to drinks, movies etc to get to know each other. Our relationship started as fwb and within 2 months we were official. He had the relationship talk. The moment I started sleeping with him before official I’d kiss him on the lips goodbye…)

    So I’m just curious what you think is going on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 4:50 pm

      Hi Gail,

      if you started that way, then maybe they’re starting that way. But if you are moving on, whatever they do doesnt matter anymore. What matters more is what you do for yourself

  14. Belinda

    September 29, 2016 at 6:01 am

    What if he texts me about are dog , and he wants to know if he can see her sometime. He text me a week after breakup , also wanting a pic of me n my dress at my sons wedding . Then again 2 days later on how was his dog doing. Also on Facebook it shows he’s n a relationship a wk ltr after r breakup. Then told me it was a joke

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2016 at 8:39 pm

      Hi Belinda,

      It’s ok to talk about the dog but not about you sending a pic to him on how you look.

  15. RR

    September 12, 2016 at 5:48 pm

    my ex boyfriend had broken up with me before and he used to tell he is sleeping around with lots of women and so on.. and i ws calm and told him u do nythng with ur life i wud like us to b able to understand if we can coexist. he was even telling he is in relationship and its serious.. i took it as ok no problem.. im nly asking to understand things thats it…after lots of such things calm he agreed to see things without relation like doing for something that is not a relation but to see if we can make it or whther he will get 1% interest.. it was for 2 months.. was going smooth. i requested lets take sometime anyways we are doing right. he was cooperative and if i dont talk to him for a day i wud get texts or call asking were am i and stuff. went on like that for an year and half. we met in between after months or skype calls and so..anytym can call.. finally he was like am fed upwith ur requests we extended month on month now better we make decision if to be there or not. he was close to me . there is no chance he was with smone else. coz i got him on conversation anytym of the hour and he made sure he is in touch with me.purposely i used to be silent.he used to check on me. and he finally told he isn interested in conversing nymore i shudn be in touch.i told ok cool and in 10 minutes al panick stricken i started beggng n it happened iin breaks for almost two months.first he consoled.then he was annoyed.in between after two moths he even told he is getting married in a month. similiar hehad told long back and then only we were trying to see… any other reasons he tell hr knows i wiil be behind.m suspecting this could be calculated liecould it be

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2016 at 2:05 pm

      Hi RR,

      I’m sorry I just want to make it clear, you’re not actually in a relationship? And at first, you kept talking and seeing each other even if he is seeing somebody else and now, you’re trying to ask him to commit but he doesn’t want to?

  16. Anon

    September 10, 2016 at 2:26 am

    Hi there

    My boyfriend of 1 year 3 months broke up with me last Dec, saying he fell out of love. I found out a few days later he had liked someone else for the past month (not sure if this classifies as leaving me for someone else) and started dating her.

    I did NC for 30 days where he snapchatted me everyday except the last few days. We started talking casually again and a few months later I asked if he likes anyone and he got annoyed saying he doesn’t like anyone, so I guess that rebound didn’t last.

    Recently (around August) I think he’s starting to like someone else but I can’t ask him about it or even be supportive by being there because in the past few months whenever I joked about him finding someone else, he’d be really irritated so the topic is like a taboo.

    What other method can I use apart from being there?

    Thank you

    1. Anon

      September 13, 2016 at 2:59 am

      Okay thank you I’ll do as you advised 🙂

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2016 at 3:42 pm

      You’re welcome!

    3. Anon

      September 11, 2016 at 1:56 am

      Hi Amor

      I haven’t been dating because my parents found out about this one and they’ve been really adamant on not letting me see guys in general except in college. But I’ve been making new friends and doing new activities on a monthly basis. Should i talk to him less for now?

      Thank you

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 1:10 pm

      hmm.. wait, so that means you can’t really progress things with him too? That means you can only be friends with him for now right? If that’s so, it’s ok to keep talking to him but if you’re trying to get him back, you have to be less available and keep on improving yourself

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 10, 2016 at 6:23 pm

      Hi Anon

      I think it was too much of being there with you, that you became too available..I’m assuming you started talking around January or Feb, and now it’s September.. It looks like you’re friendzoned..

      Did you continue improving yourself and having your own life after the nc? did you date others, even group dates? did you continue meeting new people and making new friends?

  17. Reina

    September 2, 2016 at 7:22 pm

    My live in boyfriend and i were together for 5 years. We had a lot of ups and downs but there was so much love we stayed together. Recently we broke up, he cited he was just unhappy, he spent to much energy in this relationship and he wants to spend more time pursuing his dreams. He moved out. Its been about 2 months. During this time, he has let me know multiple times that he misses me and loves me and that he has never stopped. He even wanted to spend my birthday/anniversary with me.

    Here is where things get murky, he is staying with a friend of his, a female. In the past this female has showed that she is heavily interested in a relationship with him. I actually believe they have hooked in the past. In the past when he needed to escape the pressures of dealing with our relationship she would always be there in the wings waiting to “make him feel better”. He would come back that evening ok, and fine and just about normal with me. I believe for some time he may have had a secret relationship or hidden desire about this woman. He insisted they were friends. In the end that is where he decided to be, in her house. He still texts me very sweet positive messages EARLY in the morning and searched my social media page and comments from pictures from 2 years ago about how beautiful i am in the pictures. He even recently sat in a store by my house contemplating if he should come upstairs but decided not to he could not manage to see my face when he would say he has to leave. During the last two months we have had sex once and that was over a month ago (he has tried since then, i turned him down; but i have kissed him. He sometimes (not as much anymore) comes to the house when I am not here.

    We had an “honest” conversation a week ago and he admits to having feelings with this girl. He said he can not move forward with her because he will always be thinking about me (mentioned something about karma) and said if he came back home to me, he would always wonder what if, because we have so many issues to resolve. He said he is focused on himself and taking everything one day at a time. He said in the past he has never left me for her and never will. But he left his email open at my house and i read an email from her stating she was happy he was taking a leap in her direction. He didnt tell me the whole truth. I even gave him opportunities to tell me the truth and asked him plain out. I think i am worried he is trying to “breakup” with me slowly and he has made a decision or his actions led her to he has.

    I am just asking what to do. I dont want to be lead on, or become the secret he now holds, or a FWB, or a backup choice because he is testing if his grass is greener. What should be my next step? thanks so much

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 3, 2016 at 10:17 am

      Hi Reina,

      you’re already broken up.. and yes, the more you prolong talking to him and giving him the benefits of a relationship, the more he will not come back.. try no contact.. do 45 days

  18. Tabatha

    September 2, 2016 at 3:32 pm

    How to I apply NC & the Being there strategy at the same time husband still lives with me and our three children

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 2, 2016 at 6:24 pm

      Hi Tabatha,

      he has a new girlfriend? You have to do a limited no contact.. I think you should read this one:Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

      and this one too:

      How To Get Your Ex Husband Back

  19. Uncertain Girl

    August 29, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    Hello~ Was looking for some advice.

    My boyfriend of one month broke up with me not quite a month ago. He is 17, I am 20. The relationship was long distance. The breakup was messy. He had almost broken up with me two days before that but decided to stay, however saw it through now. We were not going to talk, but I was such a mess he decided to stick around and be there for me anyway. He played a lot of hot and cold. And I basically begged. Asked him not to leave, lamented the breakup vocally, was an emotional catastrophe. A few days after the breakup he was implying something down the road, but not then because he was such a mess, that he didn’t want to deal with something as complicated as an LDR (ha, you’ll find out why that was a total lie soon enough), and wanted to focus on his school. And then days after that, basically wanted to get back together. I, however, – and this was probably an error on my fault – didn’t agree to it since he wasn’t 100% sure that’s what he wanted. I didn’t help myself at all. I was…very negative. I suffer from anxiety and depression so that makes me a very negative person, but I can rein it somewhat. I just didn’t, for a number of reasons, and I realize that mistake of mine. During our relationship AND the breakup my negativity caused a lot of issues, and I guess that’s what pushed him to this point where we’re at. That’s basically why he broke up with me – he can’t handle my negativity. I have, and am, working on it though and have learned the hard way I can’t let that rule me. I won’t let it again. We stopped spending time together, stopped talking regularly, and linking those to my negativity, it’s no wonder things went badly. Nonetheless, he kept making me promises of sticking around and always being there for me. Just last Sunday, he implied wanting me to come see him in October and being in a relationship again by then, but then Wednesday, he pretty much said he wanted me out of his life. I was going to agree to it, but then he checked my Twitter, aaand… Tried to stay. He tried to be friendly and act normally, but then… I started No Contact, because I hadn’t done the no contact and with everything that had gone on, was probably best to do that. I am 3 days in. It is apparently having a negative effect as he, according to one of his friends, said he likes someone else and is moving on…a few hours ago. She is also long distance. I’ve been reading up on all the guides on here and just, needless to say, finding out he likes someone else and is moving on hit me hard. I’m still committed to NC, I just, I guess I wanted to have someone else look at my situation and give an evaluation. My friends and even friends of his who think he’s being a moron say I should move on, but… You know how it is, I want him back.

    1. Uncertain Girl

      August 31, 2016 at 9:00 pm

      🙂 I’m definitely working on myself first. Within these past few days I’ve been pursuing things that make me happy and trying to improve myself in areas (clothes shopping, movie, dinner with a girl friend (with more plans to do such things regularly), enjoying my hobbies – it’s been great, and I’ve been cheerful, despite how hurtful things have been), and aiming for a better thought process. I do completely agree. I need to be better emotionally and tame my negativity and emotional instability before reaching out to him again. The fact that my negativity got so bad to him hit me hard, and was probably the event I needed to kick start, “I need to work on me.” I want to be. I hated how negative I was, and it didn’t just suffocate him, it suffocated me too. I began to dislike myself a lot and my insecurities got worse, because of a lot of things that have happened this year. People learn to love their misery, as I did, because bad thing after bad thing happened. So my greatest goal right now is to become the “best possible version of myself”, and find happiness in that first and no matter what, with or without my ex. Which is actually super exciting. Small, everyday things I’ve been doing to make me happy and give me positive thoughts have already made a difference. It makes me really happy. I need to be a complete person on my own And yes, I think that’s what happened. I think my world began to revolve so much around my boyfriend, I forgot to make me a priority too. Not in immense ways, but just in not being happy unless I had his attention on me. So thank you for reaffirming that. It’s nice to know I’m starting on the right path. I need to come first, because I’m worth it, and being the best possible me is very important, with or without my ex.

      I will do 45 days no contact if it’s recommended. Honestly, I am a touch concerned he’ll get over me at that point (although, most women probably worry about this too), or pursue this new girl and lose interest in me, but I do want to do things correctly. He did care about me, and a friend of his told me he worries about me, but that my ignoring him isn’t helping things (I disagree in the ignoring bit though – I think it’s what we both need). Furthermore, that he just couldn’t handle my negativity (although my boyfriend didn’t straightforwardly tell me this). And I imagine the 45 days no contact is recommended because of the negative effect I’ve left on him. 45 days means we both distance ourselves from the negativity and can have a kinder view. Also! More time for me to improve and get emotionally healthy. Anyway! I’m pretty sure this girl’s a rebound. Seems way too soon to be anything but, considering how soon it is. It looks to be so, right? And I am worried she’s going to get hurt because of our mess. But I am a bit worried, as is to be expected. And I hope I have a chance at getting him back, with a stable foundation for our relationship.

      Thank you very much for the advice, it’s really appreciated. This whole site and the crew on here are inspiring and it has been very uplifting in the face of my situation. So thank you all.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 11:03 am

      Hi Uncertain girl,

      one at a time.. put yourself first. Learn how to change your mindset, get therapy and have your own routine.. Make yourself happy.. Start to do it during no contact period and continue that routine even after it. So, that you don’t make him as the only source of your happiness.. You have to be more emotionally stable before trying to reconnect with him..

      Try to do 45 days of no contact.

  20. Beth

    July 19, 2016 at 10:25 pm

    I would like some more tips on getting an ex with a girlfriend back. He got her immediately the break up to forget me and because he thought she would be better to his life objectives. His feelings about me didn’t change after 2,5 years (we exchanged lots of confessions recently) and neither mine (I am still in love with him) but things got very serious with this girl (she changed city and job to be closer to him, families got involved and socially and professionally she is a plus in his life). He likes her, but doesn’t love her, though he wants to continue in this relationship and see where it will take them (he doesn’t see himself getting married anytime soon). He wants to continue with her and keep me as a friend only, despite all the feelings he still has and the intense desire he still feels (he even told me he masturbate a few times a week thinking about me). I know that what he says is true and there are moments he prefers to take some distance because he gets confused about what he wants (i.e. he thinks that could be a good thing to break up with her and get back to me) and well, she is there so he end up deciding that he will keep things as they are – relationship with her and friendship with me. I am working now on the NC rule for a period of over a month if I can, and work on my improvement + nice posts in Facebook. Unfortunately I can’t use the tip of “just be there” for jealousy because she has no idea of my existence. Is there anything else I could do to “help” them to break up? I am working on his feelings and increasing my value, but I would like something more to shake their relationship, I really need to push him a little bit to take this decision otherwise we will keep this situation still for a very long time until he take this initiative or she get tired of waiting him to propose and he’s not sure about that… would reverse psychology help there? If yes, how could I apply in this case? Many thanks in advance for your answer and for being helping so many people in this difficult situation that is to not being able to be with who we love.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 21, 2016 at 12:59 pm

      Hi Beth,

      actions speak louder than words..if he can’t leave her and she doesn’t know about you, that just means hes stringung you along…
      first, have your own life and then don’t be too available.. date others too and don’t sleep with him

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