What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Giada

April 10, 2018 at 4:20 am

Hi, my xbf have been broken up for over a month. The breakup came after a ridiculous discussion of me not feeling valued. After a rash decision from both our part we broke up. I gave him all his stuff back, we deleted each other from social media. He can however still viewed insta. He’s blocked me, I have not initiated contact and neither has he. What bothers me that this man would swear I was the love of his life, I met the family (who loves me by the way) and he would speak of a future with me. What should I do? I care for him but but have my doubts

Chris Seiter

April 10, 2018 at 11:58 pm

Hi Giada…it is normal to have doubts. If you didn’t then something would be wrong.So going forward here is what I think you should do! First, take a look at a more comprehensive resource I created called, Ex Recovery Pro. It can be found on my website’s Menu Section under “Products”. It’s full of ideas. Secondly, don’t let this get you down too much. It always looks and feels worse in the first month, but time will tell us the end of this story and however it ends, you are going to be OK.

Hope

April 9, 2018 at 6:23 am

Hi there, your article is amazing and to all the women out there it worked on my first boyfriend. Before I was the one breaking up. And he contacted me during NC period.

BUT NOW my ‘new’ ex: he broke up with me 2 weeks ago, after he ignored me after I had given him a Vacation for his birthday. He ignored me about 5 days and then I drove to his place in order to talk and he said he didn’t love me and broke up with me.
I have to say that we spilt or at least had a break 3 months before and he thought I cheated on him in that break. But I didn’t. I told him so.
He said during the breakup that he cares for me but doesn’t love me- he did tell me he loves me one week before , that he would get n pick up his things in the following days and that we would write. He didn’t contact me until now. And I received a bill about 1k dollars which was due to his Car accident , (I gave him money for a car rental). His parents do not respond any more as well.

Is it hopeless? I mean my feeling is telling me that he won’t want me back due to the fact how bad he treated me.

Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 1:11 am

Hi Hope. Thanks for the compliment. He sounds like he is a bit confused about what he really wants. I don’t think this situation is hopeless. But if you feel he treated you badly on a consistent basis, then may be he is not the guy for you. Or maybe she just spatted off. If you haven’t picked up a copy of my ebook (see website menu/products) then go take a look. You might find a resource this is right for you.

Noa

April 5, 2018 at 1:04 pm

Hello. Im on the 6 week of NC. I initiated the nc inmediately after the breakup bc I believe that ” im not gonna be there begging for someone who doesnt want me there”. He tried to contact me 4 times during the first 6 days ( 2 texts and 2 phone calls). I didnt respond back of course. We dont follow each other on social media (we only use instagram) but we texted on it. During these weeks he has been changing his profile pictures from demons to finally a nice picture ( i assume from his birthday that was a few days ago) Ihave to say that he hacked my phone and i knew it from the 3rd month and yeah…accepted it. So things he has recently done with this power are…going thru my ig and unliking all the pics he had liked in the past ( he did this anytime last week) and putting his device as the one getting the password in case i want to recover my password from my email account. I can only think of him doing this out of anger. ( i guess) or to provoke me so I text him.
Anyways…i decided to extend the nc up to 8 weeks or forever. If im honest with myself….i dont think going back with him will be best for me. Im sure there r lots of better men out there than not this selfish big boy.
Any thoughts about why his reactions?
Thank you

Chris Seiter

April 6, 2018 at 12:01 am

Ah… so you are doing indefinite NC.

My thoughts on this is kind of interesting. I hear women coming to me and saying, “I dont want him anymore” all the time only to change their mind when something good happens.

These pendulum swings are actually really normal.
Noa

April 6, 2018 at 3:40 am

Yeah, I’ve seen that behaviour a few times myself. For now Im using your information as a help to go thru and over the break up as well as a way to understand the male mind. Your articles help me a lot more than any question I could ask my friends who might probably tell me anything they might think i wanna hear trying to be supportive. Im not over it yet, otherwise I wont be here but you know what? Our relationship was all based on his needs and what he wanted. I dont remember been pleased by him but pleasing him always. Doing everything around him. Cancelling plans for him to do a different thing with him (here he used the power of having my phone hacked) and ending up not even doing what he proposed instead ( he just wanted me to not to meet my friends). Sleep depravation. All messed up diet.

He broke up with me over the phone while I was at work. He had me there listening for what it felt like 3h of a solo conversation. He wanted to make sure that I was gonna be around since “you are my best friend! Or one of my best friends!” How many time times he asked the same question ” what would happen the day i start seeing someone else??” “Well…- I told him- I will vanish” “why? Where r u gonna go?? You are my best friend” ” Well…I think your are gonna need to find another best friend bc im not gonna be there to see how u date other ppl. I hope your new best friend is as supportive as I am” ( that was all i could say. And it took me forever to finish the idea bc he would cut me time after time). I guess he had his dialogue memorized. Just a “joy”.
Chris Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 9:11 pm

Man that is tough… Seems to me like he put his needs above yours quite a bit. I see this a lot so take solace in the fact that you aren’t alone.

Jane G

April 5, 2018 at 4:00 am

He broke up with me because ex caused alot of drama. Said he still loved me and still wanted to be friends. I said I needed at least 30 days to heal. I will try to not have expectations of him calling as you said because I do get depressed. This article has been very helpful. Any suggestions how to get over him faster besides improving myself?

Chris Seiter

April 5, 2018 at 11:49 pm

Just so I have this straight. It was your ex that cuased your current ex to break up with you?
Jane G

April 6, 2018 at 12:00 am

His ex wife.
Chris Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 4:35 am

Ok, so that makes a lot more sense haha!

What I notice happens a lot of times is that when an ex feels you moving in all of a sudden she’ll try to screw up your relationship. Basically she uses “the being there” method on you. So, you just need to do it right back to her.
Jane G

April 7, 2018 at 7:24 am

Thank you that is very helpful. Also I implemented the no contact with him since he broke up with me. On week 2. Was that the right thing to do?
Chris Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 9:35 pm

You are golden!!!

Definitely the right move.
Jane G

April 7, 2018 at 9:39 pm

Thanks. This article was very insightful and I will take your advice. Thanks for the feedback back.
Chris Seiter

April 9, 2018 at 11:40 am

You are welcome!

Kate

April 3, 2018 at 1:42 pm

Hi! I’m on week 3 of no contact and he hasn’t reached out. If he still hasn’t reached out after 30 days, should I extend no contact or just send him a text? Technically he was the one who texted last, even though it wasn’t anything that actually required a response. Thanks!

Chris Seiter

April 4, 2018 at 12:55 am

Nope, I think 30 days is ideal. Just understand that according to polls in our FB group around half of the men won’t reach out during NC. It’s pretty normal. The smartest thing you can do is come up with a killer text and start priming him.
Kate

April 4, 2018 at 9:56 am

Thanks Chris! Only 5 days to go…
Chris Seiter

April 5, 2018 at 11:00 pm

YOU ARE AWESOME….

I wish I could put gifs or something in here but just imagine one haha.
Kate

April 6, 2018 at 9:36 am

I’ll just imagine Xander saying that (total Buffy nerd here too… my dog is even named Buffy :D). Thanks for the encouragement!
Chris Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 4:47 am

I rewatched Buffy last year and realized Xander is kind of an asshole hahaha I never thought so ever but if you really think about it he totally is.

Ahhh Xander!

My fave is Spike but he’s kinda an asshole too.

But he’s a cool looking one.

Margaret

March 22, 2018 at 7:51 pm

I had been with my ex fiance for nearly 4 years and engaged 2 this may. This was the first time we broke up and the lobgest we’ve ever been apart. I done the no contact for 30 days then sent him a text asking could we talk and he rang me 30 mins later. I was surprised I thought I would get a text back but a phone call. He was emotional on the phone and said it was the worst month of his life that he really missed me and that he checked out my fb page and commented I changed my hair. So I suggested to meet up in a couple of days for a coffee to talk and he wasn’t sure so I told him to contact me and let me know but one day later and nothing yet.
Ali

March 20, 2018 at 8:14 pm

Hi,
I just lost my bestirred. I was in an on and off again relationship with my best friend for the past 3 years. We talked/ called everyday. We are now seniors in college, and he just out of no where told me he didn’t want to try with me anymore, that he lost feelings and interest in me. He said he wanted to enjoy his last few months of college. However, I recently found out that hes been hooking up with the same girl consecutively. I just want to try with him one more time, but he is against it. I am on week 3 of no contact, but he has not reached out. I am just lost and confused and don’t know what to do or think of the situation. I just want my best friend back, and I want him to love me again.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2018 at 10:39 am

Hi Ali,

He’s in a grass is greener situation.. How active are you in improving yourself and in posting in social media?

Racheal

March 19, 2018 at 1:35 am

Hello,
As for me I’m on day 21 but around day 9 I sent him a text that I had received the cash that he always sends me since we are in a long distance relationship and he text back “great” but we haven’t talked since. Just wondering if I broke the rule and should start afresh or keep on.
Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 24, 2018 at 4:50 pm

Hi Rachael,

Nope because you only talked about that..

Anna

March 18, 2018 at 7:59 am

it’s been 3months now he broke up with me and I’ve been trying to contact and it turns out that he blocked me on all his social media’s, is it too late to apply the no contact rule now after I’ve trying so hard to make him take me back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 22, 2018 at 6:18 pm

Hi Anna,

It’s not guaranteed to work, but you can still try the nc rule.

Renu

March 9, 2018 at 4:55 pm

Hello,
Actually I had breakup because of me.I told him 6-7 months before that I don’t have any feeling for him just because of some family issue.But truth is I was really in love with him and now also.At that time I lied to him that I don’t have any feeling.But he took it as serious issue and we brokup.He was very serious for me and truly loved me.But we were still talking and sharing good bond as we are best friends from earlier and he had done many things for me.

After few days I realized I should not say like this to him even I have true feeling. So I said him let’s continue together as a couple.
But he said that he I now numb.He doesn’t have any feeling.He doesn’t want relationship.He still cares for me.

Now 6-7 mnths are completed and ready breakup but we still are talking.I always want relationship with him.So now our talks are only fights.Because I ask for relationship and he says no he is not ready so fights are happening.He is saying he can’t be like before.
He wants to b friend with me.But I can’t b only friend with him.So he is saying our fights happening only because I ask for relationship and he says no.So what should I do? I said him I can’t be your friend because it hurts me.So I follow rules no contact rule for only 2-3 days.But after that I miss him.

What should I do? I want him back.i said him don’t contact me because i get hurt.so he said ok he will not do as I do get hurt.He is saying take your decision.
Please help me.I love him.Do reply.Thank you.
Waiting for reply.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2018 at 3:34 pm

Hi Renu,

Restart nc..that means even if he messages you, don’t reply.. Follow the advice on this one:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

SongJiHyo

March 7, 2018 at 11:01 am

Hello, Chris. I have recently broken up (well, I don’t know if we really broke up or he just needed space) with my boyfriend. There was no cheating involved and when he needed to have his space, I did not complain and let him go since he said he’s not happy anymore. After that conversation, I did not contact him. But I can still log on to his Facebook account. It went on for a week and I haven’t seen him messaging other girls. He’s just talking to his friends. At the night of the day 7 of our parting, he changed his Facebook password and I was startled. But I keep my composure not to ask him why. I thought he changed it to have a response from me, since I always get angry when he changes password when we were together. Then after that, he messaged me! Informing me that he changed his password (which I really don’t understand why he did) and he asks how I am. I said that it’s okay and he continued to ask to me how is my new job. I said that I’m doing good and he replied saying that that’s good to know. After that, I don’t think I have to reply since it’s a dead-end so I just “seen” his message. I thought that he would message me again but it’s been three days after that and I didn’t get a message from him anymore. As I was fearful, I blocked his messages for me not to be worried if he will message me or not. But we’re still friends in Facebook. What do I do now? I’m so stressed although I was the one who didn’t reply to his message. I returned to Day Zero of the no-contact period because of that.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2018 at 8:25 am

Hi JiHyo,

Yes, you need to restart nc because nc means no initiating, no replying and no social media stalking.. But be active in posting and are you improving yourself?

Sonia

March 7, 2018 at 6:52 am

Hello there. Does the no contact work if the relationship only lasted 2.5 months yet it was very passionate from both ends and a strong chemistry where marriage was already being discussed? In this case, should I reach out if he hasn’t contacted me within the 30 days? He is the egoistic and stubborn type of a guy who says he doesn’t chase women.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2018 at 8:35 pm

Hi Sonia,

When and why did you break up

Tina

March 6, 2018 at 6:47 pm

Hello,

I left a comment asking a question, and I just came back to check and it’s gone. Was the comment removed? Or do they just disappear until it is responded to? Should I ask again?

Thanks,

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2018 at 4:22 pm

Hi Tina,

Yes, you can still try nc but since you haven’t talked for more than 2 weeks now, you can try just 21 days and follow this one for your initial text:
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

Renu

March 6, 2018 at 6:05 pm

Actually I had breakup because of me.I told him 6-7 months before that I don’t have any feeling for him just because of some family issue.But truth is I was really in love with him and now also.At that time I lied to him that I don’t have any feeling.But he took it as serious issue and we brokup.He was very serious for me and truly loved me.But we were still talking and sharing good bond as we are best friends from earlier and he had done many things for me.

After few days I realized I should not say like this to him even I have true feeling. So I said him let’s continue together as a couple.
But he said that he I now numb.He doesn’t have any feeling.He doesn’t want relationship.He still cares for me.

Now 6-7 mnths are completed and ready breakup but we still are talking.I always want relationship with him.So now our talks are only fights.Because I ask for relationship and he says no he is not ready so fights are happening.He is saying he can’t be like before.
He wants to b friend with me.But I can’t b only friend with him.So he is saying our fights happening only because I ask for relationship and he says no.So what should I do? I said him I can’t be your friend because it hurts me.So I follow rules no contact rule for only 2-3 days.But after that I miss him.

What should I do? I want him back.i said him don’t contact me because i get hurt.so he said ok he will not do as I do get hurt.He is saying take your decision.
Please help me.I love him.Do reply.Thank you.Ryou.Reply soon.
Tina

March 6, 2018 at 2:58 pm

I started hanging out with this guy for about a month. We were enjoying each other’s company and everything seemed to be going well. We were never officially “a thing,” just hanging out consistently.
We spoke for the last time about 2 weeks ago. After that last time, I never reached out to him and he has not reached out to me either. I have 2 questions:

1. Does the no contact rule apply in this situation? Can I choose to not contact him for, say, 45 days, and then after the date is up reach out to him if he still has not reached out to me? Or does the NC rule only apply to people that were officially dating and officially broke up subsequently?

2. If I do reach out after 45 days, if he has not reached out yet. What do I say? “Hey?” lol..
Renu

March 6, 2018 at 12:51 pm

Actually I had breakup because of me.I told him 6-7 months before that I don’t have any feeling for him just because of some family issue.But truth is I was really in love with him and now also.At that time I lied to him that I don’t have any feeling.But he took it as serious issue and we brokup.He was very serious for me and truly loved me.But we were still talking and sharing good bond as we are best friends from earlier and he had done many things for me.

After few days I realized I should not say like this to him even I have true feeling. So I said him let’s continue together as a couple.
But he said that he I now numb.He doesn’t have any feeling.He doesn’t want relationship.He still cares for me.

Now 6-7 mnths are completed and ready breakup but we still are talking.I always want relationship with him.So now our talks are only fights.Because I ask for relationship and he says no he is not ready so fights are happening.He is saying he can’t be like before.
He wants to b friend with me.But I can’t b only friend with him.So he is saying our fights happening only because I ask for relationship and he says no.So what should I do? I said him I can’t be your friend because it hurts me.So I follow rules no contact rule for only 2-3 days.But after that I miss him.

What should I do? I want him back.i said him don’t contact me because i get hurt.so he said ok he will not do as I do get hurt.He is saying take your decision.
Please help me.I love him.Do reply.Thank you.Reply soon
Renu

March 6, 2018 at 3:59 am

Actually I had breakup because of me.I told him 6-7 months before that I don’t have any feeling for him just because of some family issue.But truth is I was really in love with him and now also.At that time I lied to him that I don’t have any feeling.But he took it as serious issue and we brokup.He was very serious for me and truly loved me.But we were still talking and sharing good bond as we are best friends from earlier and he had done many things for me.

After few days I realized I should not say like this to him even I have true feeling. So I said him let’s continue together as a couple.
But he said that he I now numb.He doesn’t have any feeling.He doesn’t want relationship.He still cares for me.

Now 6-7 mnths are completed and ready breakup but we still are talking.I always want relationship with him.So now our talks are only fights.Because I ask for relationship and he says no he is not ready so fights are happening.He is saying he can’t be like before.
He wants to b friend with me.But I can’t b only friend with him.So he is saying our fights happening only because I ask for relationship and he says no.So what should I do? I said him I can’t be your friend because it hurts me.So I follow rules no contact rule for only 2-3 days.But after that I miss him.

What should I do? I want him back.i said him don’t contact me because i get hurt.so he said ok he will not do as I do get hurt.He is saying take your decision.
Please help me.I love him.Do reply.Thank you.
Kristina Jeppson

March 4, 2018 at 5:41 pm

My bf wanted a break last week. It’s a newer relationship for 3.5 months. Therefore I’m worried that 30 days is a long time and maybe he will have already moved on by then.

He is currently on a trip till the 11th of March.

Can I do 21 days? I don’t want him to feel his feelings faded.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2018 at 4:19 pm

Hi Kristina,

Nc is for you, not for him to contact you because if he does you have to ignore it.
Check this links:
Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

What To Do If You Get The Dreaded “No Response” After No Contact

Kristina Jeppson

March 4, 2018 at 5:05 pm

Dear Chris,

My bf of 3.5 months wanted a break last week. He has not said a word in a week. He is away for a wedding and work trip till 12th of March

Because it’s a newer relationship I’m aftaid after 30 days the connection will just be weaker for me and maybe he completely moves on because we didn’t spend years together. Therefore I don’t worry stay away too long to risk that.

Can I initiate at 21 days then?
Lauren

March 2, 2018 at 8:39 am

What if I contact him at the end of the NC period and he replies to be polite. How will I know if he actually wants me back without having to be forward and asking him and scaring him off. I know right now he doesn’t want to be with me. So I don’t think it could be stubbornness. I think he would never contact me because he doesn’t want me to get my hopes up.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 4, 2018 at 4:55 pm

Hi Lauren,

That’s not a nc period if you kept contacting or replying or commenting back to his comments for you..check this one:
The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends

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2,699 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”