What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Contact You During No Contact- How To Make Him Talk

2,697 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”

Haley

October 29, 2018 at 6:52 pm

Hi,
My ex and I broke up exactly two weeks ago (for the second time, the first time was almost exactly 1 month prior to this time). There was no anger really, he just said he felt like it was his time to go after we’d had an argument that lasted a few days.
I’m still a mess. I didn’t contact him for two weeks, and today I did. I simply asked if he had any updates on some work that one of his friends was doing for me (that started prior to the breakup). He was nice, but very short and to the point. He didn’t try to initiate any more conversation or anything.
I still love him very much and definitely think that he is the one for me. I’m just not sure where to go from here…How much longer do I wait before I contact again? What do I say when I do contact him?
Any and all advice appreciated.
Thanks

Chris Seiter

October 29, 2018 at 11:52 pm

HI Haley!

I am sorry you feel like a mess. Its going to be OK. I want you to focus on your own healing and there are lot of things you can do. I talk about them on my site…I discuss them at length in my eBook. “The No Contact Rule Book”….its covered in my videos. Your personal recovery is key, so put yourself first.

As far as what you say, I have a 3 step method in how to resume contact with your ex. I strongly recommend you pick up one of my eBooks so you can come up to speed on all the things you can do to optimize your chances. My site also has a lot of information on how you approach first contact.

Lizzy

October 24, 2018 at 3:10 pm

Hey Chris,
My BF and I broke up last week (day 6 of NC) after 2 and a half years together.
The three months prior to the end of the relationship things were extremely difficult. (he suffers quite badly with PTSD from his military days) He started a new job which completely turned his life around, working six days a week 12 hours a day and became a shell of the person I fell in love with.
Those three months were very hard for me but I stuck by him as I wasn’t ready to give up when things became hard for him to cope with as that is what everyone else has done to him.
He currently isn’t seeking help for the things he went through and has got himself back into this self-sabotage cycle of pushing away the ones who love him most as he just can’t feel love and doesn’t think he ever will.
I thought this would be my forever man and it’s so hard to think that maybe that won’t be the case.
His family are all convinced im the “one” and that he has just fell back into a black hole.
I know he has to get out of this himself but should I still try to get him back or give up on him and this dream?
Ending things was his choice and extremely out of the blue as just days before we were happy and loving each others company but he said he suddenly realized how much hurt he has caused me and doesn’t want to continue to do so as he doesn’t know if he will ever have the true capacity to love

Chris Seiter

October 25, 2018 at 4:16 am

Hi Lizzy!

I hope my website can provide you with the support and advice on those things you wish to attain! NC consists of many elements and the more you know about how it all works, the better your chances are with recovery.

Chand

October 24, 2018 at 12:29 pm

Hi
I met a guy through a matrimonial site. On second date he told me that he couldn’t feel connection and avoided talking to me. I had argument because of ignorance, I asked him he could have tell this frankly instead of ignoring. Then he asked me to be his friend. After 3 months of that he asked me out on a dinner date. After dinner date we kissed. Then we sort of started dating, had sex many a time, we enjoyed each other’s company but after two months he told me he is not looking for anything serious but we still continued to meet. He always use to talk about his ex and most of the time compares me with her. He is still in contact with her. Though she is married now. One day he misbehaved with me and said we have no connection. After that I applied no contact rule. During that time he keep on reaching to me. I had to break NC. But in 15 days, I realised that he was not ready for commitment. So I applied NC again and this time he has not contacted me it’s being 30 days now. He only wished on my birthday. Will he ever contact me? I am focusing on self. I want him but with lowering my value and self respect.

Chris Seiter

October 25, 2018 at 4:18 am

Hi Chand!

It sounds like your guy has some things he needs to figure out. Do you have an ex recovery plan? Because when NC is over, there are steps you can take to explore where things stand.

Mariela

October 20, 2018 at 12:40 am

Hello. I initiated contacted after almost 2 months. I figured he wanted to talk since he would always look at my post at time right away but thought he was being stubborn. I said I was gonna wait for him to do so since I always did, but I put my pride aside & said “hey there. Hope you are doing well take care”. He replied telling me what’s new told me to take care as well. Then we after that we talked a bit more but then he stopped replying. I kept it cool & talked like we always did, I even tried being funny. I didn’t bring any pasts up but now I don’t know if I did the right thing. Did I make the right approach. I feel stupid. I feel like he really doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. It hurts. I hoped I would let him realize there was no hard feelings between us & well I really do hope he’s doing well. I do miss & love him but I feel all hope is lost now.

Chris Seiter

October 22, 2018 at 4:20 am

HI Mariela!

Don’t feel stupid. I think you handled it really well. I know it hurts. Perhaps he has chosen a different path. And perhaps some day he will regret passing up on you. The future is moving with many possibilities…many of which are good for you. So hold your head up high and embark on a new journey equipped with what you have learned from the past. This is what we all do in all areas of life.

Victoria

October 13, 2018 at 7:58 am

Hi Chris
My boyfriend is a guitarist in a famous band – and two 3 weeks before him going on tour we broke up in a fight. I almost right away regretted breaking up and told him, but he wanted me to stick the decision and that he wasnt in love with me anymore. I begged him to forgive and take me back and then we decided we should take a fourteen-day break and then decide if we should stay togheter. The 14 Day passed and he called and said he didnt want to get back togheter. Then for an hour i told him how much i’ve realised my mistakes and that i would change. Then he decided that he had feeling for me and wanted to start over fresh with me when he get’s home from his one month tour. But he said we shouldnt have a label as boyfriend/girlfriend in the meantime and that we shouldnt text eachother too much while he is away – because it would ruin the feeling of starting fresh for him – but he would still text me once in a while to check up on how i’m doing. He hasnt texted me and the tour is almost finished. I texted him in the early days of the tour and told him how hard it was for me missing him so much – got no reply. – he hasnt even unblocked me on socialmedia yet. My friends tell me he has moved on and the talk about starting fresh, was a lie. Before in our relationship he would text me constantly during tours – right before and right after every show. And also we did have a plan to see eachother while on this tour, because he is playing a show in our country on the 27th day of the show. I was put on the guestlist, and was supposed to be there and go home with him after the show. But this was a deal we had before we broke up. It’s so messed up all this. Should i go to the show even though we havent been in contact for 27 days and havent talked about still going? Is he trying to tell me he has moved on? Did he completely forget about my existence? What is going on? Also a side note : before we broke up we had been togheter for 3 months. And once i got a little embarrasing drunk in company with all his friends and bandmates. Not very embarrasing, just a little and he told me i embarrassed him. I was drunk and said loudly how great i thought one of his bestfriends is, and that apparently made him feel i was cutting his balls off. He apparently wanted me to sit on his lap all evening, but I was bonding with his bestfriend instead and walking around talking to people. Could that have anything to do with this also.
Help me Chris!!

Chris Seiter

October 14, 2018 at 9:54 pm

It seems your ex is a bit controlling and jealous which triggered a lot of this. He is probably just being stubborn. Why not go to the show and enjoy yourself. You can try to reach out to him once you are there to let him know you are in the audience enjoying the entertainment. If he doesn’t respond, so be it. Its his loss and consider him doing you a favor for showing you what he is really like. If he does connect with you, just be positive and go it slow.

Kendall M

October 12, 2018 at 4:41 am

My boyfriend and I of five years just broke up because he has stuff from his past to work on and doesn’t want to hurt me with this but he broke up w me and during it said he would always be there for me and always love me. It was a nice breakup. However that was about a week ago and he has not reached out to anyone to ask how I am or really acted upset to anyone. I have texted him but he has not responded and posts on Snapchat like he’s completely fine. I’m struggling with not knowing if he is talking to other girls and already moving in and feeling as if he just doesn’t care. We were each others first love and I’m still so broken and him not checking up on me just feels like he does not care and he’s not upset about it ending. We also did not state a no talking period so I don’t know how long to wait for a text back or when to text back. It just feels like he’s completely over me and wants nothing to do with me.

Chris Seiter

October 13, 2018 at 2:22 am

Hi Kendall!

Five years is meaningful and results in some traction which can come into play in the future. Probably best to try no contact and do it the way I teach it. There is so much more to it than you may realize it. Visit my home page as I have lots of resources there that can help you with your ex recovery plan.

Marianne

October 11, 2018 at 7:15 pm

Hi Chris

I’ve been reading your articles and I am in need of some advice. I was dating a guy for 6 months and 6 weeks ago he told me he needed time to figure out what he wanted and how he felt. I said ok and let him go and gave him space. I haven’t talked to him in 6 weeks although he’s been looking at my IG stories and liking some of my posts once a week until last weekend he viewed my IG story and then decided to unfriend me. We are still friends on FB but I am unclear on why he deleted me from IG. I debated sending a text after no contact and then this happened. Do you advise still reaching out or is all hope lost at this point? Thank you

Chris Seiter

October 12, 2018 at 3:06 am

Hi Marianne!

I seldom think one should give up unless they have tried various methods. I think you should stay the course and follow your plan and let the chip fall where they may.

Hakeemah

October 9, 2018 at 9:48 am

Hello, am in a long distance relationship of 8 years although the distance started a year plus ago. He recently broke up with me saying he loves me but not in love with me,I initiated NC but he called the second day and I responded…we later had an arguement few days after about a lady and he said he needed a break. I initiated NC since then, it’s been five days now and have not heard from him although he views my statuses on social media platform. Dont know if am leaving stones unturned or what to do next

Chris Seiter

October 10, 2018 at 2:19 am

Looks like things got out of hand after the first NC. Stick with this one and feel free to check out my resources on how your ex recovery plan should work. Its best to have a full understanding of all the elements of NC and what you do afterwords.

Ella

October 6, 2018 at 5:01 pm

This is our second time trying to work things out, our second time was more serious. I felt like he was a different person. He made more effort we went out more & spent more time together. It’s always been great w/ him but he ended things again because he says he doesn’t have time, doesn’t want to waste my time & because he says he doesn’t know what he wants. I understand on one part he does work about 6 days a week but he would still talk to me everyday. But I also question why he never said anything until I did? It’s been a month already since things ended & I’ve been so sad. I miss him everyday..he still looks at my stories but never reaches out? Sometimes he’s the first. I want to text him so bad but I don’t think I should. Last time I really tried so hard & would check on him every once a week or 2. But once again I feel broken inside, & I don’t know what to do. I don’t think we ended on bad terms however, he did say it’s not like he doesn’t care about me. If so, then why haven’t I heard from him? I don’t know what to do.

Chris Seiter

October 7, 2018 at 3:32 am

Hi Ella!

Pretty lousy excuse by your ex that he doesn’t have time. Take a look at my program. If you have done no contact for a month or so, then its time for you to initiate some contact and I talk about how to do that in my program. Go visit my home page where you can tap into my resources.

Debra

October 1, 2018 at 10:53 pm

My x boyfriend started seeing another woman before he broke up with me . Now I think he was cheating all along . He didn’t even give me the respect to say ( this isn’t working ) no he picked a fight to make me feel as if I was asking to much or needy when I wasn’t . I think it’s ok to want your boyfriend to stay with you during a hurricane . Seeings how I have a huge house with lots of windows . He responded with “ a firm no” as if he was really saying , I don’t want to be there with you storm or no storm . He said “ your not going to make me feel guilty “ wow ! If that wasn’t a dead give away ! Spoke volumes ! He hung up on me . I was pissed ! Only tried him back right away , it went straight to ring , so he didn’t even know it . I started doing no contact right away . Which was so easy ! I was hating him! Yes I wanted to call him out on everything but I realized that wouldn’t make him care anymore for me . And he is aware of his actions . It would have only made me look as if I’m tryinh to guilt him into feeling bad so he would come back . I don’t want him back if it’s not his own doing ! And he has to do more that feel guilty . That’s just the start . He’s with his new girl during these 30 days and I promise you he’s not thinking of me ! He’s thinking of how great that new green grass pasture is . He’s feeling in love ! The first 30 days are shot . They need to do a different no contact for guys that have started to date . Rebound or whatever . I feel it’s gonna take until after the honeymoon stage with her to feel anything. . May take 3 months to 6 months . Not sure I will even care then .He threw away two great years over a piece of ass ! He’s ruined everything Your input please Chris

Chris Seiter

October 2, 2018 at 4:13 am

Hi Debra!

I am sorry you had to find out about his cheating after the fact. Its a double hurt. It may well take longer. Everyone situation is different.

Amy

October 1, 2018 at 10:51 am

Hi Chris,
So this is the third time I’m doing no contact. I have been in an on again off again relationship for years with a man who keeps going back and forth between me and his ex. He has children with her so he keeps trying to make it work with her for their sake but it never does. No contact worked the last two times. But in that no contact I just walked away because I was so fed up because I think he was with both of us simultaneously unable to make up his mind. He reached out both times. First one was roughly four months and we got back together and second time was six weeks and we got back together. This last time I walked two months ago and haven’t heard from him since. I’ve looked through your program but not sure if I should use it in this instance? Or stick with the no contact until he can demonstrate he’s truly done with his ex?

Thanks,
Amy

Chris Seiter

October 1, 2018 at 10:11 pm

Let’s hope the 3rd time is the charm! But I think you should not wait for him or hold on the hope that he will finally realize he made a big mistake. He may not realize it, but he is blowing it with you by this back and forth thing. Just carve you path forward and find the fulfillment your deserve. If he emerges down the road, you can deal with that and your feelings then.

Taya

September 28, 2018 at 12:35 am

Hi Chris,

My ex and I lived together for 4 years and he was the one to move out. Shortly after he ended things I would see him in the neighborhood and he would speak to me but when he left he never tried contacting me. So one day I sent him a text telling him not to speak to me when he see me because he didn’t want to speak before he ended things. He replied the next day and said I would never change and he will not say anything else to me. Why start the no contact method but turn around and want to ask how Im doing when we see each other. Im confused.

Chris Seiter

September 28, 2018 at 2:55 am

Hi Taya!

So 4 years is a good amount of time as you both have shared experiences and that creates some traction allowing you hopefully to work thru the issues. So the banter back and forth is coming out of resentment. Best to stick with your plan of NC

Ana

September 26, 2018 at 12:59 pm

Hello i have broke up with my boyfriend. The relationship last for just 2 weeks.But we had a year that we knew each other and i knew that he really liked me .I broke up with him because the last days of our relationship he didnt texted me us much us he did before.So i decided to break up with him.When i said that to him he accepted and cut the conversation. We were friends on instagram and WhatsApp, after 10 days of no contact i blocked him on WhatsApp but i have him on instagram.He hasnt deleted me from his friends, he opens all my stories but doesnt text to me.Tomorrow we complete 30 days of our break up…

Chris Seiter

September 28, 2018 at 3:23 am

So Ana…if you are following my program, you will know what to do very soon. Its about putting together a good first contact text message and much more!

Santa Maria

September 23, 2018 at 9:34 pm

Hey Chris! Just finished reading this, I cannot thank you enough.
We didn’t date for a long time. Our last date wasn’t great, I acted a bit weird and needy, he initiated the breakup I said I was totally okay with it and blocked him. He texted me right after I unblocked him the next day, he said he missed me. The next morning, I initiated the conversation and while texting him I could sense that he was pissed at me, I could feel the distance and he did what I expected, he asked me to not to talk him anymore and blocked me. I sent him a message on other app saying “I’ve been very emotional for past couple of days, other things have been stressing me out I really hope you don’t misunderstand things. Wish you luck, Goodbye” and after a few days I checked his profile on a new trendy app and I later realised he got notified every time I checked his profile.
It’s been almost a month since he got notified of me checking his profile and two months we haven’t spoken to each other. He did unblock me after a few weeks, but he isn’t texting me. Chris, I know this man loves me just as much as I do, don’t know what’s holding him back. Is it worth texting him first? Or should I wait for few more weeks? He initiated the breakup after all. Really appreciate your help. Sending love and light

Chris Seiter

September 23, 2018 at 10:55 pm

Hi Santa!

My advice is to have a sensible ex recovery plan that will help you weave you way thru all these decisions. There is a place for no contact and a time to send a text. But its much more than you think. Its knowing how to maximize your NC period. Its knowing what kind of text you send and when and what to do if x or y happens. So feel free to take a look at my program and you can learn more at my home page.

Foxy

September 4, 2018 at 9:59 pm

What if the Ex hasn’t contacted you after 30 days of no contact, & your reach out to him but he doesn’t answer the phone call or text message?

Chris Seiter

September 5, 2018 at 12:15 am

Hi Foxy….I talk about that in my books. No one likes to be rejected and when your ex just keeps ignoring you after you make good faith efforts, it certainly is disappointing, but to let it get you down. It happens. It does not necessarily means it all over. Follow my steps I discuss in my program. Give it more time, then try again. Are you using the texting examples and types I discuss in my program?

Blake

September 3, 2018 at 2:55 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me because I need to find my own hobbies and I have been relying on him to be my source of entertainment. We had a great relationship and the break up kind of came out of nowhere. Six days after he broke up with me I asked him if he wanted to go to lunch, which he agreed. During lunch things were normal, we talked about work and movies that we enjoyed. Before he left, I knew I had to know how he felt so I asked if we would get back together. He told me that he can’t say we will definitely get back together or that we definitely won’t. He gave me a hug and then left. I haven’t talked to him in a week and plan to go on with NC. Since he broke up with me I have been doing a list of new hobbies and things that I enjoy doing on my own. when my ex said he can’t say we definitely won’t get back together mean there is a good chance things will work out?

Chris Seiter

September 3, 2018 at 7:51 pm

Hi Blake….really cool name!

I am sorry you got stung by a breakup that emerged out nowhere. I think you should go with NC and give him a chance to deal with his own wishy washy ways. Go to my site’s home page and you can read up more on my Program and all of the resources available to you! Guys will says some of the most stupid things, so don’t put too much stock on his words. In time, his actions will prove out what he really feels.

swetha

September 3, 2018 at 5:49 am

hi, im in no contact with my ex since 19 days, as u said he is stubbon he didnt contact me till now. he never initiates contact first, always i do but i get reply. he gives me mixed signals posting on fb. never he says anything direct. he already had a bad breakup with his ex before. im sure he likes me he said that im spl. he is in confused state coz he had breakup before so he wont open up. im tired of his mixed signals. i told him not to give this indirect posts. what to do. mail me plz

Chris Seiter

September 3, 2018 at 8:16 pm

Hi Swetha!

I can see you are frustrated with his mix signals. Work toward setting up a casual meetup.

Maya

September 2, 2018 at 4:14 pm

Hi Chris.

My (ex) boyfriend broke up Wednesday night. Two hours later, my phone number got changed because of a new sim card. So I have no idea if he has been trying to contact me cause I’m not receiving messages if he’s texting my old number. It’s been 4 days since the break up – should I let him know I changed my number, or should I just text him from my new number after the 30 days of NC?

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2018 at 8:15 pm

Hi Maya…I am sorry you are dealing with such a recent breakup. I know feelings are raw during these early stages. I would suggest you give him a heads up that you are taking some quiet time for “yourself” to focus on your healing and being the best “you” and mention to him your contact information has changed

Paige

August 31, 2018 at 6:17 pm

Hi
My ex boyfriend left me couple a months ago since last September I haven’t heard from I did no contact rules how long does no rule like 6 months or so 🙂

Chris Seiter

September 1, 2018 at 1:11 am

No Paige..NC usually runs 21 to 45 days.

Marsha

August 30, 2018 at 6:12 am

My boyfriend of 2 yrs broke up with me about 3 months ago we would talk here and then but I stopped messaging him i unfriended off social media after he told me he’s dating someone who he started talking to a few weeks after we broke up and haven’t talked to him in 24 days and he still hasn’t messaged me before we stopped talking he told me I wasnt good for him and that he still loves me but doesnt want me and doesnt want to be in a position to want me back he told me he’s happy and he doesnt want to mess it up should I just give up and leave him alone for good

Chris Seiter

August 31, 2018 at 3:14 am

Hi Marsha!

Well, if you are following my program, you will want to complete the NC and then move forward with the initial contact text. So stay the course of NC.

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2,697 thoughts on “What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?”