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Ann
August 26, 2018 at 6:19 pm
Hi there! So my boufriend and I of almost 2 years broke up a few days ago (I think 6). It happened on a Monday night and he said he just knows it isn’t right and then he was saying he doesnt live me anymore and he brought almost all of my stuff from his apartment. I begged for him to give me a chance when it happened and I honestly feel like it came out of nowhere. I was gone for the summer and we were arguing a lot over the summer and then there was some tension with his family because I wanted some one on one time with him and I wasn’t getting any of that and I was worrying about us managing our schedules because we both have packed semesters in college this semester. Well I texted him on Tuesday and told him I would like to talk about it and he said he was open to it but he wouldn’t change his mind and a few hours later he replied with “ I think we need to talk with out friends because we are both hurting and need to start the healing process” about 12 hours later I said I need to tell you things I didn’t get a chance to say and I feel like I can’t start healing until I tell you them and he essentially said the same thing as before. From there I basically begged him to come talk to me and he said “we are both in pain from our breakup but I believe space will be the best thing for the healing process” and I haven’t texted him since then. I just don’t know what to do or if this is even worth trying to fix but I’m pretty religious and I feel as though God is telling me we will be okay we just need to talk and figure it out and give each other some space, but I’m just hurting so bad right now that I don’t know.
Chris Seiter
August 27, 2018 at 3:51 am
Hi Ann!
So things are still very early and raw. Good time to get started with your ex recovery plan. And employing NC and doing it in the way I describe in my program which I discuss in my eBooks and on my site will help you a great deal. Also, consider picking up my 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as I wrote it to help people thru thru their pain. Also watch some of the podcasts on my site to lift your spirit.
Jennifer
August 4, 2018 at 3:35 pm
Hi Chris, I broke up with my boyfriend of a year due to a recent long distance and him not making as much effort as he used to. We still had contact for 2 weeks after the break up and I asked him if he thought getting back together was a good idea. He would say things like I love you and I want to be with you but I just don’t know what things will be like for me next year (since he just switched universities and will be 2:30 hours away). I told him if he loves me then he should know whether he wants to be with me or not and his response was I do want to be with you but I just don’t know if it’s a good time. Sometimes he would even say things like why did u break up with me? You shouldn’t have done it, I never waned to break up. Then other times he would say things like, I think this break is good for us and I’m meeting a lot of new people and don’t want to hurt u by not making enough time for u next year. He sounds very internally conflicted to me so I decided to stop contacting him. In order for me to be strong enough to not contact him I had to block his number and his Snapchat because I knew he would contact me and I’d be tempted to reply back. However, it’s been 4 days (I know it’s still very early) but he still hasn’t found a way to contact me through other social media sites. He usually always fought for what we had and I’m just confused if he ever will contact me again or even want me back.
Chris Seiter
August 5, 2018 at 2:31 am
Hi Jennifer!
Perhaps this will be a wakeup call for him. It didn’t sound like things were headed in the right direction. It seems you could learn more about the NC process, so feel free to check out my website for more info. You will see on my home page I wrote a book on NC, called, “The No Contact Rule Book”, so check that out. There is just so much to learn, but I can’t get into everything in this forum.
Barb
August 3, 2018 at 7:47 pm
Hi Chris,
Thank you for this article. You said that if I contact my ex I will be in control but so many people out there say it is the opposite. You’re ex needs to contact you first (especially if he broke up with you) cause if I do the first step he will be in control and I will look like I’m weak.
Chris Seiter
August 4, 2018 at 2:36 am
You are welcome Barbara. The the balance of power is with the one who initiates NC and chooses how and when they may choose to reach out after NC is concluded! It is also about the tone and words of the message that conveys empowerement.
Sab
July 30, 2018 at 1:42 am
Hi Chirs,
I am in a lesbian relationship. Me and my girlfriend had a relationship for 3 years. We are actually friends before lovers. We had a smooth break up. She broke up with me because she wants to make herself and family priority this time. But she always tell me that she loves me and she is not closing her doors, she just needs some time right now.
I became a little desperate and needy for a couple of days but then I stopped. This is the first time in our relationship that I am doing literally no contact. I am on my 1st week right now.
I am really wondering if there is any hope of reuniting with my ex. Any advice?
Thank you in advance.
Chris Seiter
July 30, 2018 at 4:11 pm
Hi Sab!
So you are on the right track with implementing NC. I see upside here given the smooth break. I have a lot of resources that can help you. Consider picking up my ebook “Ex Recovery Pro” or “The No Contact Rule Book” so you have the best tools available to you to optimize your chances. Just visit my home page and you will find all the tools you need Sab!
Jessica
July 27, 2018 at 8:22 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex and I have broken up for almost a week now because I’ve pick up a phone call that I shouldn’t have. We’ve been together for almost a year and he was my first love. The argument toned down to a pretty calm situation at first then for some reason kept going for almost 2 days. He then decided to say that he can no longer trust me and that he no longer feel anything for me. I asked him for another chance and he agreed at first, but before I can even do anything he came to me and broke it off completely the next day saying the same thing. I was devastated at first and consider trying the NC method (it been 6 days now). He once message me asking why I still up so late on the second days to the break up which i didn’t reply, ever since then I haven’t heard from him once. He’s a very stubborn person so i was wondering if there’s any hope left for me getting him back. Please help :((
Chris Seiter
July 27, 2018 at 9:24 pm
Hi Jessica!
Great job in getting thru the first 6 days. Its not unusual for things to go quiet. Just as I teach in my ebooks and here on the site, turn the focus on yourself…healing and recovery. But also follow the tactics I teach that help you draw him out such that he notices your value growing.
Varinda
May 14, 2018 at 5:06 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex is still very adamant on his decision of breaking up and never reconciling as I have heard from the common friends. He thinks its the best for his future as he is sure that I won’t be able to change in respect to giving him space and not being totally dependent on him. He even involved his parents telling them that he wasn’t happy with the relationship and wants to get out of it. He has blocked me from every portal of communication and doesnt even want our friends to mention me infront of him. He is just hurting me more and more, and my friends already hate him for being so insensitive.
Its 12th day of No Contact. And I’m losing every hope I had before. I feel miserable.
Bess
May 14, 2018 at 11:13 am
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. On the night he did that he was very sweet and kept texting to see if I got home alright, and sent me a long message telling me how good I am and said please talk again over the weekend. So we met up 2 days later and I told him what I thought we could be doing to make it work. His main point was that we don’t communicate very well in person and that he didn’t see future. So I spent an hour telling him what I think and that I really think at haven’t scratched the surface yet. He was very stubborn and kept saying no, but then he actually agreed with a lot of things that I said and promised to think about that again, and suggested that we talk again the next weekend. He hugged me when we said goodbye and he also asked me to give him a hug in return. So fast forward to 2 weeks later, I didn’t hear from him at all. He’s working in a different city now and only comes back in the weekends. I’m trying to be positive and use the law of attraction to get him back. I’m planning to send him a letter after 30 days. Do you think I have a chance? My friend keeps telling me he’s acting like someone who’s got another girl but I don’t believe that. His expressions when I met him the last time told me that he’s struggling inside because I think he still loves me. Please help me, I really think he’s the one.
Chris Seiter
May 14, 2018 at 2:58 pm
Hi Bess…be sure to use this time of no contact to lift up yourself and heal. Neither of can be certain of the future of this relationship, but if you execute your plan, you give yourself a better chance. Rebuilding his sense of the value you offer is also a part of this No Contact period.This may not be over yet! You just need a blueprint of some kind to help you along. If you have not already done so, consider my ebook, “Ex Recovery Pro” which you can find in this website’s “Product” section. Just click on my Menu to find your way there! It is chalk full of strategies and tactics!
Jemma
May 9, 2018 at 11:27 pm
Hi Chris,
I am really wondering if there is any hope of reuniting with my ex?
We were together for 2.5 years, where it was quite up and down with emotional arguments. We “broke up” several times, but quickly got back together. Also, 6 months ago he had an engagement ring made as we had hoped to improve & move forward.
We have been living apart & not been together for the past 2 months. We tried making it work again for the first month, then he said he had definitely lost all feelings as the arguments continued. We then remained friends for a month in which I made conscious efforts to remove all the emotional bs & appreciate him for who he is. I was comfortable & happy doing this, though all contact (I only contacted every few days; 4-5 days in the end) was initiated by myself. He promptly & positively replied to all contact and despite putting off 3 of the 4 catch ups I suggested, he did say yes to one & we had a lovely, fun evening.
I then reached out a bit more in terms of seeing if there was any hope & he quickly responded that he was relieved not having to deal with all the arguments & his feelings haven’t changed, they were still not there for me. So I decided to leave it there & say goodbye.
It has only been 3 days now… but do you feel there is a chance given time?
Chris Seiter
May 9, 2018 at 11:45 pm
Hi Jemma…thanks for stopping by. Really cool name by the way! First of all, know that having been together for a few years is a positive because despite the ups an downs, roots are established and those are not easily pulled up and away. The chances of recovery are always present, but certainly are reduced if much of the past relationship is colored by conflict. So how do we improve your chances? Well, for starters, have you picked up my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, as it is rather epic in length and is intended to better one’s chances (visit my website menu/products section”. Having a plan and executing it always helps. I am thinking going through a No Contact period may very well help. But I would give him a heads up as to what you are doing and why…that you want time to focus on your own healing and personal goals, and will be touching base with him in the future. So go check out some of the resources and other services I offer and see what works for you. And feel free to keep me posted as to your progress. That fact you are both civil and are on some solid ground when conversing right now also bodes well. If you do this and it works out…great. If not, then you will know you tried your best and I have no doubt you will learn something along the way.
Jemma
May 10, 2018 at 5:08 am
Thanks Chris 🙂
Chris Seiter
May 10, 2018 at 4:19 pm
Your welcome Jemma!
Jemma
May 12, 2018 at 12:14 am
Hi Chris,
I’d actually advised my ex of no contact just prior to my last post (so 6 days ago now).
Up until that point he responded promptly & positively to all my messages and even kept a flow to the conversation, despite never actually initiating contact & telling me he still had no feelings. However he didn’t reply at all to my message about no contact.
I didn’t think much of it at first, but now I am a little unsure if he is shocked/saddened & trying to respect me, or perhaps he is just relieved not to have to keep up the niceties?
I am surprised that he didn’t at least reply something like, ‘Yes, its for the best’, if he felt relieved. Maybe he does care & is saddened or perhaps confused and taking the time to go through his thoughts before contacting again, as not to lead me on until he knows for sure how he feels?
Chris Seiter
May 12, 2018 at 6:17 am
Time is usually the arbitrator ins these matters of the heart. If he consistently pushes away from you, then maybe it’s not going to work out, But its still very early in the process and by rule, you have advised him to give you space.
Maggie
May 7, 2018 at 7:40 pm
Helllooo Chris, I am a few days away from my 30 days no contact. 3 months ago my high school sweetheart of 3 years broke it off with me right before valentines day. We both are doing long distance at different California universities. He broke my heart, we were each other’s firsts and felt so perfect for each other. He wasn’t specific on why he needed to break things off but basically, he needed time to find himself and not worry about me. I handled things badly and basically tried to kill myself. (I’m alright now) We met up a month after the breakup and had sex but he still said he needed time away and that I shouldn’t worry about him and move on. Ouch right? He was thrilled that we would stay friends and I only did so to keep some part of him in my life. Another month went by and we talked every other day and he even told me he might want to get back together on the day of my birthday. A few days later he told me he was at a moment of weakness and that there is no chance. From that point on I lost it and decided to embark on the 30 days no contact officially. I was upset and offended by trying to fix things and I unfriended and unfollowed him off of everything and made sure he couldn’t see any of my media. It is almost a month now and we are both going through finals season. I am stressed out from thinking about if he will message me or not, I am thinking about opening the door and adding him back on FB but I really think this is the situation where I have to let him come to me if this relationship is worth it. I just don’t know, I have never been through anything like this before. I feel stronger and capable of making the first move I just don’t know what will be the healthy step. Help!!!!
Chris Seiter
May 7, 2018 at 10:25 pm
HI Maggie…You are a strong woman and know that you will get through all this, no matter how it all shakes out! Whatever happens with this relationship, just know there are so many beautiful paths available for you in life and if this guy doesn’t work out to be “the one”, I assure you there are some wonderful person out there for you. Obviously, there are some stresses in both of your lives with finals and with the uncertainty of what the relationship should between the two of you. In my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, (learn more at my website Menu/products section) I talk quite a bit about first contact initial messages after the No Contact period, so tap into that if you have not already. Remember something very important…the NC period is mainly for you to heal and focus on being the best version of yourself and also gain greater perspective as to what you really want. So don’t stress anymore about him anymore. And yes, open up the communication channels on FB. And also remember, at the end of the day, no matter what happens with this guy….you are an amazing person and you don’t need him to be happy. Love yourself…date yourself if you need a special night out. Focus on your needs and embrace those around you who you love and love you. This is the path to
happiness.
Aleah
May 3, 2018 at 11:20 pm
Hello, Chris, I could really use your insight. My ex and I were together for a month after knowing each other for quite some
time. In the beginning, he always wanted to spend time with me and do things for me- always letting me know that he really liked me (even at times admitting he was scared because he didn’t want to get hurt). He would ask me to stay the night every night for almost a month and then a few times we got into it. Once over something he said that hurt my feelings and he sat up and talked it over with me. He explained he’s bad about talking about his feelings, but was trying. The second was I was feeling pretty bummed because he kept rejecting having sex, which made me feel like he didn’t want me anymore. He said it was from how much he was working and I understood. Then, the last time, he called another girl hot (I had been drinking) and it really hurt me, so I was crying and asking why he’d say that and he said “I don’t think we should be together if you’re gonna act like this”. After some talking, he said we should slow things down and I agreed. Then the next day, he wanted to have sex again and so I thought things were getting better. Then two days later was the last night I stayed the night, he wouldn’t wait to get dinner with me anymore, barely texted, and only wished me a happy one month that evening. The day before our one month, I asked to talk to him and we did, then I explained I missed him and wanted to do something to celebrate. Not only did that not happen, but he didn’t talk to me the entire next day until finally I called him and said we needed to talk. We made plans to talk the next day and when I asked what time he never responded. Finally, I texted him it was over. He immediately called me and said he cared about me, he just couldn’t handle a relationship between working two jobs, not getting a lot of sleep, etc. He said he’d give me my stuff and never did. Finally, a little over a week later of no talking, I asked for my things and he said I couldn’t get them because he had his son over. I asked if he could just set them outside and he told me didn’t see my message until the next day. He’s also the neighbor of my mother, so he could’ve given it to her. Well, he messaged me last night and told me I could get them and that they were in the bed of his truck. I noticed some things were missing and knocked on the door to retrieve them. One was a gas can that he said was in the other truck and when I turned around to get it he stopped me and asked if I wanted him to fill it up for me. Well, we started talking and eventually sat outside until 1 am just discussing movies and car things. He mainly led the conversations especially as he was telling me how he got the job he wanted, was raising his credit, working better hours, and getting his goals accomplished. After it hit 1, I said I had to go and that he could just give me the rest of my things when he finds them and fills up the tank. I miss how we use to be and just don’t know where things went wrong, what he was thinking, what he’s thinking now, or if there’s a chance for us to work things out. I feel like I brought up the issues I felt and nothing was getting done about them to the point where I sounded like a broken record. Any advice or thoughts? Thank you.
Chris Seiter
May 4, 2018 at 3:10 am
Hi Aleah…A real up and down relationship. Not always bad. People sometimes don’t connect in all the right ways and pressures from life and other matters can get in the way. Maybe you spend some time apart so you both can learn how much you mean to each other. Sorta like an abbreviated No Contact. I would recommend, you pick up my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, if you have not done so already. It will help you in many ways and give you a blueprint on how you might want to proceed. Just go to my website Menu/click on Products and take a look around!
Tati
May 2, 2018 at 8:25 am
Hallo Chris. I need your help. We were in 1 year relationship. I have a kid from my first husband,but it was my first relationship with one man. At first I was needy ,not knowing it drives him further away from me. He broke up with me for the first time,saying I don’t want divorce after marriage,so it’s better that we break up now. I thought it is because,I am divorced woman. Then after no contact, (2 months)I got him back because I did first step. The sings, he is also interested in me were showing up this time. I suggested to get him back, finally he accepted. But after 3weeks he left me again,saying “you are not changed” I am doing no contact again ,now after one months there is no sing at all like before 🙁 what shoshib I do?
Chris Seiter
May 3, 2018 at 1:40 am
Hi Tati…my advice is you need to stay with No Contact. Consider picking up my ebook, “The No Contact Rulebook” (visit website Menu/products link) so you understand how to take full advantage of the process and focus on your own healing. At the end of the process, you will have a better idea of how to proceed.
Rebecca
April 29, 2018 at 3:28 pm
3 months ago he called it off he got nasty at the end and started acting like someone I’ve never met before and it really shattered me. I’ve been back and forth about if I should contact him or not because we are both stuborn but I really don’t know. He called it off so I just feel if he hasn’t contacted me to I even try I’m so scared of being shattered all over again.
Was a 2 year relationship.
Chris Seiter
April 29, 2018 at 8:45 pm
Hello Rebecca…I sorry you had to endure the pain of a nasty breakup. Perhaps he showed you something you needed to see so you understood more about who is really is. Or maybe he must made a huge mistake in his handling of the breakup and will realize he very wrong. I agree this is a time of healing for you and you should not be seeking to revisit the relationship, unless you feel very strongly about it. You can look into my ebooks on the topics of breakup, No Contact, and Texting Tactics if you wish (website Menu/Products link). I think you would also benefit by joining my Private Facebook Support Group. It now has around 1500 women in it and they have gone through breakups and all sorts of things. So go take a look and let me know how things turn out for you!
Britney
April 27, 2018 at 3:16 am
Hello Chris, I would love your help. Me and this guy have been seeing each other for 5 months, he was obsessed with me in the beginning and I was okay with him. He told me he loved me early on and I never said it back to him during the 5 months because I was scared and wasn’t really sure if I loved him. The minute I showed that I care about him he slowly acting different. It was always me who would text first and me who would fix problems. I didn’t sleep with him till the 5th month. After that we got into an argument. It was honestly not that big of a deal but I apologised anyways on my part via text, he didn’t respond. The next day he was sending me drunk snapchats of him in the car so I texted him to stop being mad at me, he told me to “shut up” and “go away” I was hurt so I stopped talking to him. He never reached out to me. I wouldn’t open his snapchat or instagram stories but he would always open mine quite fast. A month later I unfriended him on snapchat and instagram because I was obsessed with checking his likes and it all got too much. I also bumped into him in uni last week, he was with his friends and I was with mine. His friends were looking at first and he didn’t, later he passed again and looked at me. I don’t know what to do. I really miss him but he hasn’t bothered to contact me. I want to know what he’s thinking. It’s almost been 2 months now.
Chris Seiter
April 27, 2018 at 4:59 am
Hi Britney…if you want to revisit this relationship, you will need some guidance. Consider my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. It is huge ebook and covers everything, so if you want a step by step plan and wish to learn the ins and outs of navigating through break ups, its a darn good Companion Guide, helping you along the way. You can check into it by clicking on my website Menu/Products link. Your ex seems to be acting immaturely, so tread carefully as you don’t want to invest in someone unless you think they are a good long term match. Let me know how it goes, my friend!
Sara
April 23, 2018 at 10:44 am
Hi. I really need help. I was together with my dream man for ~ 2 years. He said from the beginning that he never fell in love with anyone except when he was 19, now he is 39 years old. However, he always said that he had extra feelings for me and quite honestly, our relationship was very good. We have never fighted together and we respect each other. We have had a distance relationship over the last 2 years but we met at least 1-2 times every month. He dumped me 2-3 weeks ago because he realized he could not fall in love with me either. This happened while I was planning to move close to him. I feel so hurt and can not say my pain with words. Now I have run NC rules for 1 week but he has not contacted me yet. Is there any hope that I can get him back because he does not love me? I love him from the bottom of my heart and he knows that. He also likes me a lot but he misses that special feeling for me! What should I do? Please help me. I feel I will die!
PS. I’m sorry If my English is not so good
Chris Seiter
April 23, 2018 at 9:31 pm
Hi Sara…your English is quite good! Use the NC for yourself. Your own healing is important and while your pain hurts so much, it will get better if you follow the advice in my ebooks around your own self recovery. That is important Sara. You will feel better about everything and the outlook of the future if you can put the focus on becoming the best version of yourself. I don’t know what the future holds with you and this guy. But I do firmly believe you don’t need him to live a happy and fulfilling life. You may not feel that way completely right now. But in time, you will and you will the see the bigger picture. My ebook, the “No Contact Rule Book” has dozens of ideas about how to realize the healing and start feeling better about things. You can do this Sara!
Sara
April 24, 2018 at 11:40 am
Thanks a lot for your words. I will read your ebook. At the moment I feel so bad so I can’t say my pain with words.
Chris Seiter
April 24, 2018 at 3:04 pm
Hi Sarah…I know it hurts, but you are strong and the pain will subside. Pick up the book as its a great Companion Guide that will help you throughout this process. Get active (physical) as that will release the right kind of hormones that will restore some balance.
Fefe
April 19, 2018 at 4:03 am
Hey EBR team, I don’t know if I necessarily count but I’m treating this as a break up as my boyfriend doesnt want to be bothered by me or his family right now. He said sorry. This is due to his depression, so in my case he might not come back completely. I implemented the 30 NC and within a week he text me “hey” but I was asleep and I turned off my phone. I replied “hey (nickname)” back when I awoke hours later. He didn’t say anything else. Very confused by this as I thought he didn’t want to be bothered. I feel going back to the NC is the right move and I’m on 3 day starting over.I think I screwed up by replying to him. Any advice would helpful. It seems giving him space is the only thing helping.
Chris Seiter
April 19, 2018 at 4:59 am
Hi FeFe…cool name! Guys don’t always know really what they want. His emotions are swirling and the more you are unavailable, the greater the potential there is for attraction to grow. There is a principle called Psychological Reactance that operates in our minds when something we are use to having is withheld from us. Consider a short NC….14 to 21 days, but adapt as needed based on whether you are getting positive texts from him. IF you have not already, go take a look at some of my ebooks which are massive and go into lots of details about all of this (visit website Menu/Products). I think things are looking up for you FeFe. Keep me in the loop and go take a look at some of those Companion Guides I mentioned.
Fefe
April 19, 2018 at 8:32 pm
I’m glad you feel the same about going back to NC. This space thing happened when I asked him what I could do for him during this time. I did good at first & he contacting me instead but when he started talking ill of himself. I tried to cheer him up. I sent too many texts that day. He was overwhelmed but understood I was expressing myself. That’s when he told me he isn’t speaking family either and right now didn’t want to be bothered by anyone. So I was gnatting that day. Shocked he said anything to me in a week. I will update if this ends good or bad. To be honest I wasnt sure if “hey” was a good sign or not but I guess he must be thinking of me to some extent.I will try to stay positive & hope he will try to contact again.
Chris Seiter
April 19, 2018 at 10:43 pm
Time and space is a healer in its own right. Just execute your plan Fefe and adapt as needed.
Fefe
April 20, 2018 at 8:21 pm
He came back faster then I thought. He called saying he wanted to hear my voice. I was half way asleep so he said he would call me later and told me to sleep well. Funny thing I was going to shut off my phone again that night. Should I continue with NC for a week til I know he is back completely?
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2018 at 8:47 pm
Hello Fefe…i think its a positive development and you can see where it goes. Chat with him briefly, if he calls back. Like I teach in ebook Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, end the conversation when its hits its peak (leaving him wanting more). Since communication lines are re-opening, slowly explore it, but avoid talking about relationship. I provide lots of examples in my ebook, so that should help!
Fefe
May 9, 2018 at 3:57 pm
I want to say thank u for your advice. I followed the NC. I received a text from my bf stating he has been thinking of me lately. However it was followed with devastating news that he found out that day his mother is losing her battle with cancer and has less then 3 months. He said there was nothing I could do to help right now at least when I asked. I plan to visit him sometime soon as I believe he wouldn’t be upset with that. This isn’t ideal but I’m going to be supportive.
Chris Seiter
May 10, 2018 at 12:07 am
Thanks for the update Fefe…that sounds like a good plan. Probably best to be supportive and keep your interactions brief…sorta like following the law of taking little steps forward…keep the talk off of relationship stuff would be best at this stage.
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2018 at 8:31 pm
Well, it seems the sensible thing to do would be to explore where this might go. So chat with him and be pleasant and ask how he is doing, but try and avoid relationship topics. There will be time much later for that. If he hints or says outright he wants to meet up, tell him that you think you would like to, but let’s go slow. Meet somewhere public and treat like a first date and just proceed slowly with things. Avoid talking about blame or relationships or stuff like that. Just enjoy each other’s company. Steer conversation in that direction.
jae
April 18, 2018 at 2:09 pm
Hey EBR team! My ex and I broke up 2 months ago after 4.5 years. It’s been a month of no contact, he has only contacted me very briefly for work related texts. We ended on good terms, even still said I love you, he believes our timing wasn’t right for him. Because of this I’m not sure if I should reach out to get my things/break no contact. I’ve been doing great showing up on social media, doing more, being more productive, and he has started following. Any advice how to go forward without seeming desperate to contact?
Chris Seiter
April 18, 2018 at 10:32 pm
Hi Jae…4.5 years gives you guys some traction, which you can draw from. Good job with moving forward with your life and also being active on social media as that is akin to laying down breadcrumbs for him to eventually follow. You would benefit from taking a look at my ebooks (website Menu/Products link) as they are massive and offer a step by step plan on how to optimize your chances. There are lots of good resources there for folks! Keep me in the loop Jae!
nina
April 12, 2018 at 11:33 am
hi,
im in my 30th day of no contact and he haven’t contacted me at all. I sent a postcard 2 weeks ago and I think it was delivered last week. im afraid if I contact him now he won’t reply me, our break up was quite bad as he blocked me from WhatsApp but I can still reach to him in iMessage. after the break up I told him” thanks for everything and sorry ” in iMessage and he didn’t read until last week. he only read it and doesn’t reply.what should I do? we are in a long distance relationship and we’ve been together for 1 and a half year, he even visited me . this break up was so sudden as he currently have a lot of new friends and I’ve been in a bad place so I’ve been very angry for almost all the time. should I contact him and ask ” did u receive my postcard?” or should I just move on?
Chris Seiter
April 12, 2018 at 4:57 pm
Hi Nina…maybe its better to move on as a form of No Contact. Check out any of my ebooks here on the website to learn more about how to proceed going forward.
Kirsten
April 10, 2018 at 4:06 pm
Something I’m curious about and I don’t see mentioned on your guides. Isn’t it entirely possible that the man could want to contact, but out of respect for your feelings doesn’t? Furthermore doesn’t even know what to say? When I put myself in my guy’s shoes, I don’t even know what I’d say to me if I were him. I feel there is a high likelihood this is the case between me & my guy. My situation is very different from most of what I’ve read and the details of why would take a bit to write out (I sent an email last week with the details). But in summation, we never fought and had a REALLY good thing. Both saying we’d miss each other and even laughing at the end. He ended things with me after 6 really fun months together. I’d love more advice, but don’t want to post it all here.
Jennifer Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 6:41 pm
Can you tell me more about the breakup? Who broke up with who? There is an underlying reason even though you two never fought.
Kirsten
April 11, 2018 at 1:19 am
He ended things with me. I’m now 2 weeks into no contact. I never begged or pleaded, I never lashed out, I sobbed, but I didn’t beg. I accepted and respected his wishes. We talked things through for like 3 hrs when he ended it. He told me it was because we process our thoughts differently, aside from that one thing I’m everything he wants. He said he felt the same as I do that the chemistry is off the charts, we have so much fun together, and he said I make him feel so good and encouraged. The reason we never fought is because we’d talk things out logically for hours when an issue arose and both strongly feel that yelling and lashing out in anger is never a acceptable. I hope this helps.
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 2:44 am
Hi Kirsten…I would say you are starting from a good base. Use the resources and products (found on menu/Products link) available here.
Giada
April 10, 2018 at 4:20 am
Hi, my xbf have been broken up for over a month. The breakup came after a ridiculous discussion of me not feeling valued. After a rash decision from both our part we broke up. I gave him all his stuff back, we deleted each other from social media. He can however still viewed insta. He’s blocked me, I have not initiated contact and neither has he. What bothers me that this man would swear I was the love of his life, I met the family (who loves me by the way) and he would speak of a future with me. What should I do? I care for him but but have my doubts
Chris Seiter
April 10, 2018 at 11:58 pm
Hi Giada…it is normal to have doubts. If you didn’t then something would be wrong.So going forward here is what I think you should do! First, take a look at a more comprehensive resource I created called, Ex Recovery Pro. It can be found on my website’s Menu Section under “Products”. It’s full of ideas. Secondly, don’t let this get you down too much. It always looks and feels worse in the first month, but time will tell us the end of this story and however it ends, you are going to be OK.
Hope
April 9, 2018 at 6:23 am
Hi there, your article is amazing and to all the women out there it worked on my first boyfriend. Before I was the one breaking up. And he contacted me during NC period.
BUT NOW my ‘new’ ex: he broke up with me 2 weeks ago, after he ignored me after I had given him a Vacation for his birthday. He ignored me about 5 days and then I drove to his place in order to talk and he said he didn’t love me and broke up with me.
I have to say that we spilt or at least had a break 3 months before and he thought I cheated on him in that break. But I didn’t. I told him so.
He said during the breakup that he cares for me but doesn’t love me- he did tell me he loves me one week before , that he would get n pick up his things in the following days and that we would write. He didn’t contact me until now. And I received a bill about 1k dollars which was due to his Car accident , (I gave him money for a car rental). His parents do not respond any more as well.
Is it hopeless? I mean my feeling is telling me that he won’t want me back due to the fact how bad he treated me.
Chris Seiter
April 11, 2018 at 1:11 am
Hi Hope. Thanks for the compliment. He sounds like he is a bit confused about what he really wants. I don’t think this situation is hopeless. But if you feel he treated you badly on a consistent basis, then may be he is not the guy for you. Or maybe she just spatted off. If you haven’t picked up a copy of my ebook (see website menu/products) then go take a look. You might find a resource this is right for you.