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111 thoughts on “The Simple Four Step Method For Getting Your Boyfriend Back (Video)”

  1. Candy

    December 2, 2015 at 1:40 am

    Hey Chris.

    I’ve been an avid fan of yours for some time. You helped me over my last ex, who broke up with me over deployment. Turns out the guy was cheating on me with his ex and is now engaged to her (while still overseas) but good for him. I don’t care anymore.

    I ended up meeting someone, on Instagram, of all places. We were texting for awhile, he lives in California and I live in New York . We were talking about meeting for a few weeks, saying how attracted we were to eachother, and how we wanted to be together. We spoke on the phone a few times and Skyped. He was never a huge texter, he’d send me very short messages. I asked him if it was his way of ending conversations and he said it wasnt, he is just a busy guy (he’s in the military as well) and doesn’t like to text.

    He was gone for several weeks for military purposes, and didn’t have his phone. The day he came back he told me he was ready to see me. He asked for my id, and booked a flight for me to fly to him. So I did it. He paid for it, and he picked me up from the airport. He had the most genuine, realist smile I’d ever seen when he’d look at me. I spent thanksgiving with him, and his best friend. His best friend sat me down and spoke to me saying he is jaded by past engagements gone wrong, so to give him time. Having me out there with him, and meeting his best friend was an enormous step for him. Considering he’s been single for 2 years. At points he was so kinda to me, and then at others he was kinda mean, or wouldn’t sit near me. His friends sat him down and spoke to him about why he was being this way towards me. We had sat down and spoken, and things had cooled down and we were happy and good again. We didn’t spend much time alone…at all. On my last night, he was extremely sweet and loving. Telling me how he wished I didn’t have to go, and he was holding my hand and kissing my hand…he’s deploying in January for 7 months and he told me the reason he was keeping me at arms length is because he was broken up with over deployment, and he said he was very scared of what I could do to him (break his heart and damage him) . He said when I was leaving we were on the same page about pursuing a relationship and that we were worth it. I’ve been home 2 days, and I haven’t spoken to him much (not that we would really speak everyday) I asked him to visit me before he deployed and he said it was impossible. Now when I got home, I said to “come visit soon” he said “I’m already thinking about it” which is a really different answer than what I’m used to with him, he’d normally say “maybe” or “come to me”. As he was driving me to the airport he said how sad he was that I was leaving, and that he really wants to visit me in NY, but it may not be possible. Since I’ve been home we haven’t communicated much, but like I said, not put of the norm. But he has been posting on Instagram and snapchat. (One snap saying how great life was).

    I can’t tell how he feels….I thought by now he’d say he missed me? I haven’t said it, but I want to. I also don’t wanna scare him, because he’s a great man. I’m sorry this is so long but what would you advise to keep this going?

    1. Candy

      December 3, 2015 at 7:06 am

      Thank you for that.

      The man I’m currently talking to lives 3000 miles away, so making dates is near impossible. Especially since he is deploying. We also don’t talk on the phone much at all, we’re mainly texters or snapchatters. I am trying to back away now, sincell i spoke to him a little bit tonight. I told him I missed him and California. He said “do you” I told him I did, and he asked why. So I’m still confused. But I am giving him space, if that’s what he needs. Any advice?

    2. Chris Seiter

      December 3, 2015 at 5:13 am

      Hey thanks for the support. That situation you were in can be very difficult. LDR’s are tough to begin with but with being deployed that makes it even harder but it sounds like it worked out for the best. You don’t want to be with a cheater.

      Always look at men’s actions. Words are very easy. Some men are so good with words they can lead women on for years. I would advise to start getting to busy for him as well. Make your conversations super exciting but tell him you have to get off the phone (tell him before he tells you.) Meet up with him for a date but end the date first. Always have a good time, since you two are in the military I’m assuming you both like excitement. Pick dates that are really fun and action packed.

  2. Ana

    November 30, 2015 at 10:05 pm

    Hello Chris, I am currently in the NC period and have only a few days left. I restarted it since I messaged my ex about a week after he broke up with me, however I wasn’t clingy or begging him to take be back. Now I have not contacted him for almost 30 days. In 5 days my brother, who studies at the same university as my ex and knows my ex very well, will have a performance at uni and I know my ex and his family will be there to watch. So I’m pretty certain we’re going to meet… Should I contact him before I meet him, and what do you think is suitable to say? Or should I wait and try to talk to him at the performance?

    We were together for over a year and had a few arguments during our time together, but never had a proper fight. His reason to brake up with me was “because he didn’t feel like seeing me anymore” which I think was a really lame excuse… But, during the last month I have actually become happy and spend a lot of time with my friends, I am both enjoying life and focusing on my self and my own goals. I’m not crying over him and feel emotionally stable. He has not contacted me since the brake up, except for when I messaged him (and then started the NC over).

  3. clara

    November 30, 2015 at 11:54 am

    Hi i broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago he messed up by lying and cheating but i think i want to forgive him and give it another try.He has blocked me from all social media and his phone i am hesitant on reaching out to him he may think i don’t have respect for myself after all he has done i am still chasing him.I want him to reach out but i dont know how to get his attention i don’t want to use friends as well.How do i get him to make the first move

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 30, 2015 at 9:43 pm

      Thats strange… He cheated on you and yet he is the one blocking you?

      It should be the other way around.

  4. Alli (Can't Lose Hope)

    November 30, 2015 at 6:40 am

    Hey Chris,

    I deactivated my Facebook right when my ex and I broke up, and today re-activated it for the first time. He immediately noticed, and unfriended me, but didn’t block me.

    What does that mean? He clearly was waiting for me to reactivate it so he could unfriend me. How can I show him I’m thriving if he doesn’t want to see anything involving me?

    1. Alli (Can't Lose Hope)

      December 1, 2015 at 2:57 pm

      Thanks Chris, you rock!

    2. Chris Seiter

      December 2, 2015 at 12:03 am

      haha thanks!

    3. Chris Seiter

      November 30, 2015 at 9:42 pm

      He seems still upset over the breakup a bit. Don’t take offense to such small stuff.

    4. Alli (Can't Lose Hope)

      November 30, 2015 at 6:51 pm

      I should add that it’s been 2 weeks, and I’ve been successfully completing no contact, so he hasn’t heard a peep from me!

    5. Chris Seiter

      November 30, 2015 at 9:42 pm

      Just keep on keeping on. You are doing well so far.

  5. Oops

    November 27, 2015 at 3:11 pm

    Hey Chris! Do you think you could write an article on how to get your ex back if you already messed up and begged for him back? I didn’t find your website until a week after the breakup, and by then I had already made a bunch of huge mistakes. šŸ™

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:26 pm

      I thik that would be a great idea.

      Let me put it in my post que!

  6. I'm losing all hope

    November 27, 2015 at 7:32 am

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve been on NC with my ex boyfriend for about 3 weeks now. He’s 27 and I’m 23.
    Yesterday, I sent him a message. We had a little chit chat. It was okay. He was pretty friendly. Then he got this big news. He’s already courting someone. He’s always talking to this new girl and his attention is now focused on this girl.
    Will I still get him back or should I just move on and forget about him?

    1. Amulya

      December 1, 2015 at 6:12 am

      Well it’s a long story really.. He is literally only a day older than me. His bday falls on New year’s eve and mine on New year so we made a huge deal out of it *grin* and were planning on spending the 2 days together but when we broke up I said I couldn’t do that anymore and he uhm seemed upset about that, he sort of cried when I said I din want to have him in my life anymore. I’m really confused sometimes if I was the rebound or if the New girl is a rebound.. He jumped into a New relationship in unDer 2 weeks and said rather meanly ” I wasn’t gonna wait around giving you grace period when I had met a wonderful girl”.

    2. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:25 pm

      Its all up to you really.

      If you do decide to get him back I would say that you need to not fall off the map after hearing this sad news.

  7. Amulya

    November 27, 2015 at 4:02 am

    Hey Chris!! I’m Amulya (19), I just went through a bad breakup. I must say I was feeling very helpless when I found your articles and you sound alot like Will Smith from Hitch for women šŸ˜€
    I would really like to get some first-hand opinion from you..
    I met my guy 5 months ago 3 months after he broke up with his previous gf.. Though we never officially got into a relationship it was pretty much obvious that we were into eachother. We’d meet whenever we could and have long meaningful conversations till the time we absolutely had to leave. You see we are 2 19 year olds from India so things work differently here. He introduced me to his parents and friends within a month and was such a darling when he visited my grandmother in the hospital. He told me he had never trusted anyone as much as he did me. We shared some pretty intimate secrets (we also lost our virginities to eachother..). But then everything went wrong. We would often have arguments when I was pms-ing or he had his anxiety attacks and he’d lash out and be rather mean to me then but they’d only last a while except this one time it went on for a week. And I acted out. I cheated on him.. And he din like me for that (obviously) he broke up with me after a month, saying he doesn’t feel the connection with me and that he is out of my league (something I always felt) and immediately got into a relationship (official relationship and called him his gf, he never called me that) with another girl who is “in his league” and a really great girl (who teaches orphans and does yoga I on the other hand am kinda overweight). He wants to stay bestfriends with me though. And if he tries to contact me during the NC Period wouldn’t it mean that he missed me as a friend? Do you think that there is any coming back from there? How do I get him to forgive me for cheating and get him back?

    1. Amulya

      November 30, 2015 at 7:04 am

      I have been trying the NCR for a week now and it’s kind of helping me wind down but he hasn’t even tried to contact me yet..and this girl that is dating is 8 years older than him I just dont understand what any of it means..anyways it’s his birthday next month(after the NC Period and he expects me to be with him) and I am confused if I should surprise him that day or ease him into it via text messages beforehand..
      PS: I absolutely love your articles and find them very relatable.

    2. Chris Seiter

      November 30, 2015 at 9:43 pm

      Thanks for loving the articles.

      One question. Why does he expect you to be with him on his birthday?

    3. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:29 pm

      Whats up Amulya!

      Interesting name?

      What does it mean?

      Fun Fact… I like Hitch. I think its a good movie.

      I believe in keeping things as simple as possible. You have a million questions and that’s normal but here is the truth… You cheated on him and thats never easy to recover from. BUT many many many people have done it.

      Your first order of business is to do NC which you know.

  8. Natasha

    November 26, 2015 at 5:58 pm

    Hey Chris. A few months ago my ex started messaging me. He wanted to meet up and I declined a few times since we hadn’t ended on good terms. We dated for six years, basically since we were both 17, and lived together for a little over a year. Its been almost 2 years since we broke up and 8 years of knowing him. While dating we fought a lot and had a lot of problems. In the end, i moved out and have stayed single for the most part. I’ve dated and even had a bf for a couple months but mostly just enjoying the new experiences and freedom i hadn’t had since 17. He immediatley got into another serious relationship tho. It didnt even last a year tho he moved her in immediatley. I heard from him a few months after he broke up with her. After a lot of convincing i met him for coffee. He then told me he was sorry for the way he treated me and he was sorry for taking me for granted. For months after that he’d keep trying to convince me to hang out with him, which i slowly began to see him more and more. He seemed to have grown and it seemed like he wanted to try again. I had “the talk” with him, asking him what we are recently and he said he really cared about me but wasnt sure he was ready. He’s basically been in a relationship since he was 17 and hasnt experienced living a single life. I immediatley went into no contact. I do want to talk to him again but i need space to get things right in my head. I also want to give him time to figure out what he really wants. I really love this boy and hes been apart of my life since i was a kid. My question is do you think he is using me or telling me the truth? We were having a good time and he was always the one chasing me and treating me really well. I kind of had the feeling he wasn’t ready to fully commit tho. Do you think he might need the space to be single? I guess i just dont want to get hurt again.

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:24 pm

      I don’t think hes using you I kind of think hes telling the truth to you.

      Hes not ready.

      BUT this is a great opportunity for you to show him hes wrong.

  9. S

    November 25, 2015 at 10:47 pm

    Hi Chris! I just want to start by saying thank you for all your great advice and articles! They’ve been a huge help for me.

    So, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me about a month and a half ago (this is our 2nd break up in the 3 years). Two weeks into the break up we agreed to meet up and talk. Things seemed like they were going really well; we were both smiling and laughing, and I think he was really hearing me out. He asked me on a date. The next day when I went to confirm our plans, he told me that he didn’t think we should date again, because it’s not a good idea (to him), and he’s so sure we will fall back into old habits of fighting. Truthfully, I didn’t think we argued very often. He followed all of this by telling me he wants to be with me and loves me, but he just can’t. Needless to say, I’m pretty confused. So, I’m 3 weeks into NC. Does any of this sound fixable to you?

    Thanks for your help šŸ™‚

    1. S

      December 2, 2015 at 3:35 am

      That’s awesome to hear!
      So I’m still in NC, but I noticed he unfollowed me on all social medias a few days ago, which I found odd to do so far into the break up, rather than at the beginning. Especially because this isn’t something he did last time we broke up. Before this, I know he was keeping tabs on all of my stuff. Any thoughts on all that? Wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or bad thing.

    2. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:22 pm

      Glad you enjoyed them!

      This definitely sounds fixable!

  10. May

    November 25, 2015 at 7:06 pm

    Hello Mr. Chris!
    I am a fifteen year old, fresh out of an 8 month relationship with another 15 year old.
    I am into day 7 of the No Contact rule.
    During class, my ex keeps on trying to have eye contact with me, smiles at me, mouthes things at me, and also tries to make me laugh by making faces.
    I keep to my NC rule, and keep a straight face, totally ignoring him, but is that the right way to react in those situations?
    Thankyou!

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:21 pm

      Ah young love!

      Haha

      I bet that NC rule is going to work gangbusters on your little fifteen year old boyfriend.

      I would say look like your having a great time around him. Make him wonder why you aren’t depressed.

  11. Jane

    November 25, 2015 at 6:18 pm

    Me and my ex had a very disturbing 2 months after the break up, I was the one to break NC after a month and started a casual conversation, after that he had been drunk texting me a couple of times, not only that but sent me angry messages because he thought I was being mad at HIM, despite me only being friendly during our conversations. He even came over one time at night… Nothing happened though, I made sure of it. We talked as if we were “us” again, but I was very careful with not being too excited around him. He brought up old inside jokes, hugged me good bye, no big deal, but you can sense the energy. Anyway, the day after, there was a party he was throwing and I told him I’m not going. He was irritated because of that. Then, I found out that he had taken some girl back home and had sex with her (a girl with a bad reputation when it comes to men). After that, we’d not spoken, I tried contacting him twice but his responses were either ignorant or angry, so I didn’t keep trying. Then, another party last week, and this time, I lost it, I asked if he had feelings for that girl he slept with, he said no and that it was a one time thing, but they ended up hooking up again and he got really angry at me for bothering him about that (and I do admit I was being dramatic). It started well, he sat me on his lap and told me he wasn’t over me, but then, when I started being more dramatic, he said he didn’t have any feelings for me and wasn’t going to take me back. He didn’t want to talk while we were drunk, promised to call the next day but never did. Then, at school on Monday (I’m 19), he came up to me and asked “hey can we talk later today”, didn’t seem angry anymore, and I said okay. But never heard from him again that day or the day after, so I sent him a message asking what he wanted to talk about, but he never responded – it’s been 24 hours and he hasn’t even “read” it, but he always replies to messages so he must be ignoring me. At this point I don’t even know if I want him back, I just want to figure out what on Earth he wants… And should I ask him about the talk again, face to face? I realize I came off as needy in his eyes on the party, but after the NC period he got really mad at me for not talking to him for so long and started making up stuff about me being super angry. YOU are a man. Please tell me what’s going on in his mind and what my final step should be, whether it is to end it or to keep him interested, I don’t care anymore.

    1. Jane

      November 29, 2015 at 11:13 pm

      oh and it’s been five days, still no response, but now I’ve noticed he has deleted pictures of us from his instagram. there were just two, and from many, many months ago, but still..

    2. Chris Seiter

      November 30, 2015 at 9:41 pm

      Don’t pay attention to such small stuff. Think of all the pictures you will take with him when you are back together.

    3. Jane

      November 29, 2015 at 6:22 pm

      it does actually, especially when it comes to losing control and showing his true feelings. I have never thought of him as a mean person though, until recently, and not quite sure what to do about it…

    4. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:20 pm

      Seems like hes a bit vindictive to me. Like he doesn’t like losing control. Would you say thats accurate?

  12. Minnie

    November 25, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    I had finished the 1st no contact period for 45 days. Then I contacted him. However, he just tried to be nice, replied me something like “uhm, ok”… and after that, he didn’t reply me at all, and he even didn’t see my facebook inbox message.
    Then I decided to have the 2nd no contact period. And I’ve done it. But don’t know what to do next. It’s really hard for me now to talk about something interests him. It has been a long time we didn’t talk so I really cannot find anything to talk to him. Honestly, everything that reminds good time, makes him interest, or funny things, .. I’ve said everything after the first no contact and it didn’t work effectively. Please help me. Really need your help.
    Thank you so much and looking forward your reply.

    1. Minnie

      December 4, 2015 at 6:46 am

      Yes, of course. But maybe he lost all of his interest me. So whatever I say, it means nothing speacial to him :-<

    2. Minnie

      November 29, 2015 at 6:06 pm

      I don’t remember exactly but I’m sure that I’ve tried my best to text him and follow closely your instruction. Maybe I’m not interesting enough to work things out. How to fix it?

    3. Chris Seiter

      November 30, 2015 at 9:41 pm

      Nonsense… Everyone has something interesting to say in a conversation. I don’t buy that at all.

    4. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:20 pm

      What was the text you used?

  13. Nilanjana

    November 25, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    Hey Chris!
    Read quite a few of your articles. Loved them though things make them be too good to be true. My ex has blocked me EVERYWHERE. His friends who considered me a part of their family have counted me out just coz he doesn’t want me around anymore. It was a misunderstanding that led to a breakup. He isn’t ready to listen to me at all. Hell, my name taken by someone makes him cringe. What do I do now? I would be seeing him on 6th December during a show. I have decided to completely ignore the whole lot. But not sure if that would affect him at all. Coz till now he has been telling people that dating me was the biggest blunder he made in his life till now.

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:18 pm

      Glad you enjoyed the articles but what made you feel they were too good to be true exactly?

  14. Lola

    November 25, 2015 at 11:19 am

    Chris, I have been desperately trying to get some feedback from you so please answer :(. LDR in different countries and a relationship of one year. 3 months ago he switched to another city (for job). He started prioritizing job and losing his attraction. Wanted to break up I stopped him. 3 months later he broke up. I went NC but failed (as you say) 3 days later. Then I went NC fo 30 days. Deleted him from Facebook. Came back to my country and our previous city (he is in a different city now). Sent him a confession message saying that I went to our restaurant and I enjoyed the sweets that we had and I had fun during some festivity there. He replied: “nice, but ha the festivity already passed. I could have guessed from your facebook page. Welcome back.” I assumed the reply was neutral so I turned NC for 7 days. After 5 days he sent me a text why I wasn’t texting him. I replied two days later saying the our gym just got closed so his stolen water bottle is gone for good. He replied saying he didn’t feel sorry for the stealers. I replied that they changed to another gym and they stole my underwear today. No reply from his side. He was supposed to come to a common friend for a weekend to my city. He canceled. On top of that he is introvert. My questions:
    1. Should I go NC for 7 days and text again?
    2. My friends tell me he probably has fallen out of love with me if he knows I am back but doesn’t suggest a meeting and I should give up. Tell me honestly what do you think?
    3. When we were breaking up he had mood swings. He said he had family problems. Now he said t our friend that I left him for another country and I didn’t care… Which is not true as I was flying to him every month. He also accused me of being over-attached girlfriend and he chose his work instead of me kinda. Because of all of it I can’t really allocate the right reason behind our breakup. Maybe you could give me an insight from your perspective?

    Please reply me, my 7 days NC should be done on Friday and I feel like I am ruining it or he just made his decision irreversibly šŸ™

    1. Lola

      November 29, 2015 at 5:01 pm

      I texted him today saying that “I sai things too impulsive and I wouldn’t like us to be strangers” still no reply… šŸ™ What should I do Chris. He texted he couldn’t be with me again 1month of NC and three weeks of my communication trials. He was rather cold and reserved and as I said before he is an introvert.

    2. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:18 pm

      I think you should look into revamping your texts.

      Lets come up with one together.

  15. RAIN

    November 25, 2015 at 6:01 am

    Hello Chris!

    I just had one simple question since it may be a little too far-fetched to be mentioned as any of the circumstances. My no contact period ends around the beginning of December, but I have to perform a singing duet on stage with a classmate around the exact same time that the deadline ends, and my ex will be forced to see since it is mandatory for the other music students to watch. So, should I send the first “interesting text” before or after he is forced to see me perform on stage?

    Thank you! šŸ™‚

    1. Lola

      November 29, 2015 at 8:09 am

      Hey Chris, my story is miserable… I texted him that he popped into my head. He replied “oh really … how come?” I said that miracles can happen and one of them is that I am back in our country. he said “ok šŸ™‚ so far so good”. I replied: “really good. soo much to tell you but my friend is here now, rain check”. He said: “happy to hear. text me sometime then. take care”. I had an impression that his messages were just polite but not really positive. The next day I got devastated about it. I texted him that I wanted to tell him sth. Tha I saw him stopping loving me and he never told me the truth. That he was cold to me like he is now. And that I can’t be friends with him. He told me he didn’t have frieds. That he was cold coz he knew I wasn’t rady for friendship. Told me he remembered me but he couldn’t be with me again. And attacked me on my recent makeup effort saying that he didn’t like them and I was naturally beautiful ( although my makeup was delicate). I told him that I wanted to know the truth why he decided to leave me. I told him I wasn’t asking for hi back and that I will remember only the wonderful moments with him but I can’t keep him as a friend coz this was who I am. The next message was very selfish on his side … I I and I. There was not even a single we, He said he decided he would be much better on his own. He was fighting his problems and today he sees he was right to do so. That it is true he doesn’t love me as much as before but he still remembers me and misses me.

      Chris, I did 30 days of NC, I went to gym did facebook stuff. Tried texting in a way you advised in ebook. My situation looks helpless for me now. And I don’t blame you. BUT please answer me these questions:
      1. Is it already done? (honestly)
      2. If it’s not done is there any game plan I could apply?

      Please please answer

    2. Chris Seiter

      November 30, 2015 at 9:40 pm

      I almost feel like you came out of the gates too romantic at first. Also, you aren’t supposed to get into relationshipy stuff until later.

    3. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:18 pm

      I would send it after…

      What a great opportunity for you to blow him out of the water!

  16. Michelle

    November 25, 2015 at 5:33 am

    I just found your website tonight. I have never seen such practical advice. Yes I am in the middle of a break up and I want to restore my relationship…but your advice here could easily extend to any romantic relationship. I appreciate your advice and the fact that we don’t have to pay to get it.

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:15 pm

      Glad that you found the website!

      Sorry about the breakup.

      Thanks for the kind words.

  17. Andrea

    November 25, 2015 at 3:50 am

    I have a question. My ex bf and I sleep together but don’t do anything sexual. just cuz I didn’t want to give gf benefits without the title. He’s been ok with that and gone sex free for 2 months. But wanting a relationship myself and is ready for long term he couldn’t do it saying that where he is at I’m life he needs to obtain his financial goals as a priority cuz it’s hard for him to focus solely on having a relationship without him being stressed out and brought down cuz of what i want right now that he cant give. Which i financially past that in my own life. He’s very busy person works many jobs with long hours, is about to go back to school, and does have a lot of things going on in his life. But I feel like this is some bullshit excuse. Women can juggle many things and still maintain having a relationship. Do men really do this? Or is this a bunch of crap he’s feeding me? He keeps telling me this is a positive thing and I should be patient. And this causes him to flip flop with me about his feelings all the time cuz I tell him I will leave if he doesn’t make me his gf soon.

    1. Andrea

      November 29, 2015 at 12:43 am

      No we dont do anything but hang out. And hug

    2. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:15 pm

      Like lie in bed together without sex?

      Are you kissing or doing anything else?

  18. RR

    November 24, 2015 at 2:14 am

    Dear Chris,

    I had asked for advice a while back about my ex and my sexual assault that made me jump the boat from too much stress and over thinking.

    After a heart wrenching 1month and 1/2 of working with counselors on my own and having breakdowns here and there seeing his face by accident in the halls. Iā€™ve come to the point where Iā€™m heading off to see a therapist.

    Though. I canā€™t ignore too long the words that I want to tell my ex. I really really wanted to tell him just what the bloody hell happend. That I did not just ā€œbecome a new personā€. I want my best friend and support back.Even though 5months is short and the amount of times we spent from being strangers to lovers. He was literally the first step. Iā€™m not one to thinking about the future. But I really did see that our future was going somewhere.

    But when I used to stalk over his gfā€™s instagram I would just stare and be like ā€œHuh, guess she really has a lot of time on her handsā€ and I ended up saying wow Iā€™m completely opposite of her. She does everything he likes fast , simple without and curfew. He has everything he needs. And I just end up putting myself down by saying ā€ You couldnā€™t do that , you couldnā€™t go to concerts whenever, you were never really good and be close to his best friend like she doesā€

    Typical. ex girlfriend kind of thoughts. I keep asking others is it worth me talking. There answer. OF COURSE NOT RR you deserve better. He is a prick ! Selfish! Rude! You donā€™t need to justify what you did. Move on! DEAL WITH IT!
    Nope. It doesnā€™t help. In fact it stung so much I just hated talking to people in general about my feelings. I never liked it. But I learned to do it because my ex wanted me to when we were dating. Now uh.. He isnā€™t there.

    Iā€™m changing my ways. Learning to be whole again. But I guess is too soon to face him? I mean when I just accidently saw him in lecuture I literally was shaking and I forced myself to not run away and sit down and open my god damn notes. Iā€™m learning right?

    My issue isnā€™t a light switch. That I can just off and on. But. Im confused. Did he even love me? All that bull he said? Why didnā€™t he understand me? I get it. Heā€™s never been through something. Makes sense. But common knowledgeā€¦.sexual assault is like terrible. Is not rapeā€¦ butā€¦it was serious to me. I never let a soul touch me. I was even hesitant to let my own ex at the time to even kiss me. I was so sheltered.

    There is no chance of getting him back? It isnā€™t worth itā€¦.Iā€™m pretty sure youā€™ll say it too. From when I last saw the instagram stuff he seemed to be having lots of fun with her. (he doesnā€™t know I have instagram ) the gf before dating him knew he was dating someone.. but she doesnā€™t seem to care. Now. But I donā€™t blame her. Grab the chance. I think he is still dating her and I already cut out all the people related to him long ago. I keep tricking myself by doing the no contact rule over and over while I busy with counseling and what not.
    . No contact rule has gone since Sept . I’ve stopped looking at social media for basically a month and half now. Iā€™m not sure what to do.
    I’m starting to think I have no chance. He hasn’t contacted and when we once saw each other on the street it was basically a distant stare back at each other. I’m sounding like a twit cause I started.. it.. the whole staring like he wasn’t there. It kind of hurts seeing him do it too. I really don’t know where to go from here. Do I go onto to step 2? I doubt he’d break up with that girl anymore soon. Thanks for taking the time to read this comment!

    warm regards,
    RR

    1. RR

      December 7, 2015 at 12:14 am

      How do I plan my steps since NC is been going on for almost 2+ months when it seems he is madly in love with this new girl?
      Seems he’s better off without me minus the random times he would locked eyes with me and what not. Never took it as he was missing me or anything. More like he was waiting for me to come and chill with him and be all buddy-buddy?
      I’m having doubts I guess about myself .
      OMG by the way DID YOU GOT SEASON6 trailer?!?!?!? I’m super duper pumped for it now!

    2. Chris Seiter

      December 7, 2015 at 3:46 pm

      Totally did!

      I am convinced SPOILER…

      Jon Snow is coming back!

      It’s ironic I am listening to music from game of thrones right now.

      Anyways, my first order of business if I were you would be to just get back on friendly terms with my ex.

    3. RR

      December 3, 2015 at 5:09 am

      How do I get him back?
      How do I get him to understand?
      He seems like he’s already forgotten be (since it has been almost 3 months)
      I’m still confused how to go about this.
      I’ve done NC for a super long time and ignore his presence around campus
      I also don’t get how ones ex is in a relationship will magically drop that person and come back to you without you uttering the words’break up with her and come to me’
      He doesn’t seem the to be the type of guy that would hurt that girl. Then again he hurt me, But he had told me when he first mentioned this girl “I won’t let this affect her , just because you say you love me and regret your choice .. is too late”

    4. RR

      November 30, 2015 at 12:22 am

      I broke up with him because I was losing my mind at the time. He was the first person I called that day when it happened. He was concerned of course. But literally two days later when I tried to talk nomarlly he was upset. And though that I had cold feet for the relationship. During my vacation in the summer I did not keep in contact with him.
      1) Internet is pretty terrible there
      2) Parents problem
      I never told him while I was on vacation I didn’t have the chance.
      He was super unhappy. I wasn’t being “normal” and I didn’t tell him what was wrong. When I remember telling him clearly I was thinking about what happen that day.

      I wanted time alone after I heard what he just said to me. So I texted him to give me some time to cool down.
      Instead he texted randomly during the “breathing time” “I’m sorry for being a terrible bf… its a joke that I was there for you and I’m pretty sure I know what you are thinking right now. all I can say is due what is best for you RR”
      I felt like utter shit that I was bring everyone down with me to this hell hole.
      So the following day I just said “forget everyone” and threw everyone out and broke up with him

      I spoke to a friend who forced me to open up and she convinced me to talk to my bf at the time to explain a bit. Turns out.. he moved onto another.. as he fb me… that he chose to move on …that I made dumb choices c’est la vie~ and all that tralalala.
      only be 4 -5 days since we broke up??? and he only knew that girl for 1month (while i was on vacation)

      I should say I had physical problems … as I was sitting down trying to figure out…how to move on from it. It was just awful. Trust was broken
      Now my so called bf.. is gone.

      Speed to 1week later
      he came out of no where and told me to sit down with him “so I can rant” but i couldn’t say a thing… is too soon. Nothing worked. It sounded like a blabbering child mixed with crying and anger. Waste of my time.
      More “move on RR you can do better, learn from this.. I chose to be selfish I;m not proud of this either.. don’t you agree Im looking out for myself?” “maybe down the road we will cross paths” god….bless me.
      I tried explaining what happen during the 1month but all I got was” I was hurt I was sad.. and when you came back.. you spoke like a different person!”
      …..?

      I’m so mind boggled.

      In short:
      1)Mental state for me was out
      2)He is sad and hurt due to the weird unusual chatting during vacation + me coming back from vacation and talking 3)weird/texting weird …don’t seem to be okay …not telling much
      4)I was desperate to explain but lacked in finding the words to string up a sentence
      5)Pressured and insane decided to break up
      6)He was heartbroken -> moved on to girl in super short amount of days and offically gf/bf
      7)Im here dealing with the problems alone and break aftermath plus other “great events” without him
      8) NC was done since the “first meet up after break up” where he gave such beautiful advice … for a normal break up would be nice (September 22nd -> Present )

      Thanks Chris for taking the time to read this.

    5. Chris Seiter

      November 30, 2015 at 9:45 pm

      So how can I help you exactly?

      What would you like to ask me specifically?

    6. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:14 pm

      Sorry I don’t quite remember your comment from last time but I am assuming that the two of you had physical problems due to your sexual abuse?

  19. Zz

    November 23, 2015 at 5:26 am

    My ex contacted me by text on the 8th day of no contact. He said he was going to call me so we can talk. I did not respond to the text and he never called. Do you think he didn’t call because I did not respond to the text?

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:12 pm

      Possibly.

      Or he was just using that text to get your attention.

      All in all I would take it as a positive more than a negative.

  20. Sarah

    November 23, 2015 at 4:44 am

    Thanks Chris, great to see you move on to a video for the first time! I posted a question earlier but didn’t get a response, probably because you’re so busy now especially as you’re now branching out on to video – so great, congratulations! Anyway in case you can get to it I’ll post again, understand if not:
    We broke up 2 months ago over text, with him refusing to take my calls and telling me not to contact him and he wouldnā€™t respond if I did. I did 45 days NC and contacted him and got a neutral to positive response. I waited 9 days then sent an intriguing and funny message and then we had a short positive exchange. I thought it had gone really well then 2 hours later I got this negative text from him ā€œIā€™m still angry with you btw. I wish you hadnā€™t forced my hand. I donā€™t know exactly how to deal with you. I feel like I should just ignore you, but I donā€™t knowā€. I waited 3 hours and responded ā€œI hope you donā€™t decide to ignore me. But if you do I will understand and respect thatā€. The funny thing is that I never did anything terrible to him to deserve him breaking up with meā€ I just got impatient with him from the lack of effort I thought he was making. It’s been 2 weeks NC so far and I was thinking of sending him a light message on Thanksgiving (after 19 days NC), or should I do NC for longer? Another 30 days or longer since heā€™s still angry?

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 28, 2015 at 11:12 pm

      Yup!

      I am going to continue trying the videos and continue the podcasts as well.

      Sorry about not gettin around to your question.

      I would actually have waited till after thanksgiving.

      And then send that message.

      What did you have in mind?

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