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772 thoughts on “Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy”

  1. Avatar

    Natalia

    April 7, 2017 at 4:52 am

    Hi Amor,
    I met him on Tinder, we were attracted to each other. We kept in touch and after being in contact about 1.5 months, we had sex. I was virgin before that and he was very surprise. From the begining, he was not really into serious relationship but time by time, he respect me such as tried not to come to me when he was drunk, invite me out for dinner or text to me at least 1 time per week, and me either, every week text to him like : have a nice week ahead, have a nice weekend and just wait until when he wants to meet me. We did not know much about each other, just know in general what is his job, where does he work and he brought me to his home once. I feel like I very like him and wanted to be gf,bf but I did not express that to him. I know that each of us need time. But somehow, in last 2 weeks, when I was super drunk, he texted me and wanted to meet me, I ran to him and talk like want to be gf, bf with him, he told me that we slowly can be but need time. Actually I was super drunk so I was so clingy at that time tried to approach him by call and sms and made him freaked out. I was super impolite when tried to catch him in those 2 days. After thoes 2 days, I found my mind and realized that I ruined everything even it was not started. Then I asked him to forgive me and he texted like: he doesn’t want to ruin my day, but he doesn’t think that we should consider to meet again. I said: I understand, but at least pls forgive me, Im sincerely sorry and I mean it. Do you still want to keep in touch? He said: sure, but as friend. Then 1 week later, I just send sms as normally we send to each other: have a nice week ahead, he still replied. I asked him if to ship to him the things that I bought for him before everything happened. I texted: ” I remember 1 time you told me that you was super mad and got wet because the raincoat was blown by the wind. I bought already couple weeks ago a raincoat for you, which could not be blown, and waited for meeting to give it to you. But as we will not meet again, so can I send it to you (by a shipper) ? then I will not worry that you might not get sick in coming rainy season?” He replied: ” you re so sweet, we can meet again as friend. Drink or dinner.
    I had been 2 weeks from that day. I feel like I want to make him turn back, but on another hand, I want to give him more time about 1-2 months to recover. Could you please let me know what I need to do ? Is there any chance to return him back?

    1. Avatar

      Natalia

      May 28, 2017 at 3:54 pm

      Thanks for your recommendation, Amor.
      I just sent gift because before everything’s happened, I has bought the raincoat and talked to him already that I’m going to send him otherwise he might get sick, there was not any other purpose, so I might were wrong when sent it to him.
      I have another concern:
      I’m changing job to work for another company, I was contacted by Headhunter and I’m hired to work with a great offer. But what are the odds, the company I’m going to work in the end of June is located in the same building with his. I don’t know do I need to inform him or not? I don’t want he think and feel like being chased by me. Honestly I chosen that company because of great offer, but I afraid of that I will accidentally meet him sometimes. How do you think? Is the chance too small to get him back or even there will be no chance? I really really want to return him back but in a good way to be respected.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 29, 2017 at 7:50 pm

      If I were your case, I wouldn’t do that because being defensive just looks plain defensive.. I mean, I dont care whatever he thinks because I know the real reason why Im there.. if he thinks that way, that’s his problem..if he asks, then good, you can say the truth direct to the point, that you were hired by a head hunter…that’s it, period. That would be a good chance to show the new you and to be a little indifferent ar first and then friendly later on

    3. Avatar

      Natalia

      May 25, 2017 at 1:47 am

      Hi texted him like: “Hello, how have you been? actually I has sent you some stuffs. I don’t know if you need them or not but I think I should tell you, otherwise you don’t feel being respected. Hope they will be useful for you. Good night.”
      He even did not respond. How do you think. what I should do ?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2017 at 2:00 pm

      ok, first, sending gifts to your ex looks like chasing.. he probably didn’t answer because he doesn’t want to give you false hope. Come from a point that he has moved on, and then slowly build rapport.. Honestly, it’s a small chance because you already did two months of nc..even if it was long, because of the gift, it doesnt look like you have moved on.. at this point, either you move on too or do one last nc of at least 3 weeks.. and dont send gifts, dont chase, dont stop improving yourself.. just be friendly.. dont ask to be friends, or if it’s ok to be friends… just be friendly.. if he doesnt answer, then move on.

    5. Avatar

      Natalia

      May 25, 2017 at 12:27 am

      Still didn’t reply until now…

    6. Avatar

      Natalia

      May 23, 2017 at 4:55 am

      Hi Amor! How have you been?
      After NC about 2 month, I just started contact to him last night after sending him a gift without any notice in advance, But he still doesn’t reply yet. So does it mean that he already moved on?

    7. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2017 at 6:36 pm

      did he reply now?

    8. Avatar

      Natalia

      April 14, 2017 at 11:40 am

      Yes, I’m following the no contact rule at this moment. How do you think? Is there any chance to get him back or better to move on no matter what? I really feel that he is my right man. What does he mean we can meet again as friend?

    9. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 16, 2017 at 8:56 am

      he’s trying to friendzone you.. yes, there’s a chance.. Try to make the most of the nc process first. Improve yourself during and after while slowly building rapport. If it doesn’t work out then move on.

    10. Avatar

      Natalia

      April 12, 2017 at 6:38 am

      Hi Amor,
      Which advice do you mean?

    11. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 13, 2017 at 6:15 pm

      the no contact rule and do you agree with the pillars?

    12. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2017 at 5:17 pm

      hi Natalia,

      do you want to try the advice above?

  2. Avatar

    Marie

    March 17, 2017 at 4:00 pm

    Hi Amor,

    My ex and i met last year and we were friends for a while before realising we had feelings for each other. We had a healthy relationship and we always made each other happy. Last month, he was so busy with stress and negative feelings, he said that made his feelings towards me fade a little. When we broke up we agreed to go back to our “close friend” status. Then i tried NC a few days after that. After trying (and failing) NC after 5 days, i broke and talked to him. He kept giving false hope like asking me to go out with him but whenever he saw me in rral life, he was cold. So i acted extremely desperately and pretty much went crazy, messaging him everyday and i even broke down very badly one day and he saw everything. Right now im trying NC again, and he hasnt contacted. Im worried because he always told me that he cared about me more than anyone else. Im wondering if i still have a chance especially when he “lost his feelings for me” and doesnt bother to check up on me now. Thank you.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 21, 2017 at 4:20 pm

      Hi Marie,

      be active during nc.. Aim to be an ungettable girl. Check this one:
      The Ungettable Girl

  3. Avatar

    Monica

    March 16, 2017 at 2:09 am

    Hey.

    I will like to have some insights about my situations, is it possible?

    I’ve been in a long distance relationship (5 hours away) with my boyfriend for eight months now. We see each other regularly even with the distance. Everything is so smooth, fun, energetic, happy, passionate; like a lot of connection and chemistry between us. We texted and talk on the phone regularly too. I’m not too much into texting and talking on the phone, but he reached out for me constantly. At the second month of our relationship, I get a call from an unknown girl telling my boyfriend is a liar, a womanizer, a player, that he was with so many women and tear their hearts apart. I have heard some similar story (not that exagerated) from one of his closest friend, telling that he was really hurt in his last relationship (she cheated on him) and he didn’t wanted anything serious, until he met me. When I received this call, a deep doubt rooted on me. I told him about the calls, in a calm even funny way. He get upset, he said that he wasn’t upset with me but with those people. I need to say that he’s an opera singer and he have tons of women trying to seduce and get him. He asked me to let him figured that thing out, and that he was sorry. I started to see the photos he posted with other women at work, he is kinda flirtatious; I saw he was liking so much pictures of women dressing sexy (or naked) in facebook, instagram (not because I wanted or I was looking for, but in the newsfeed). So, doubts started going deeper. I started to wait more reassurance from him, and he started a period of distancing a little bit, so a grew more insecure. Then another call. And then, two months later, he left me hanged with a text message for seven hours. I knew he was about to have a presentation the next day, but then I saw he was with his collegues at a beach, and he took from one of his collegues and she posted it on facebook and then he commented: “Wow, what a beautiful blonde!” I was mad. I texted him: “Well, I see you have time to comment that woman pic but no time to reply me”. And he get mad. He barely texted the next days, making me feel guilty, and I even apologized for how I reacted. And on and on. I just didn’t trusted him anymore, but I told my self it was my own insecurities, and I worked on them going to therapy, etc. Things went well, we kept having amazing time when together and exchanging funny and flirty message. Until, last month, he made a drama out of nowhere when one day I told him I will go to see him one day before to take care of him because he was sick. He said: “no, let me clean the house, I’ll wait for you tomorrow as planned”, I thought, “ok, maybe he doesn’t like to be cared when sick”, so I texted him (not mad at all, even kinda joking): “ok, if you don’t want me to take care of you I understand. I will arrive tomorrow”, and he get mad. Long story short, I didn’t get why he was so upset, telling that I was always thinking of him being with someone else, etc. I explained my self, we closed the discusion as a misunderstading. I arrived. Without wanting I saw a message to a woman saying: “yes, my father came to stay with me”, I even thought he wasn’t talking about that moment, but I handled to saw on his phone the full conversation, and yes, he was talking about that day, and then I saw that this woman was about to go to his home the day after! We argued. I was so hurt. I told him I didn’t want lies on a relationship, and asked him to be honest. He said it was his boss (she is) and he said that because he wanted her to realised that he was very sick to go to work and for him to stay with me. I said, “ok”, I understand. But my insecurity grew deeper. Next time I went to see him, I couldn’t stopped myself and I chekced his phone. I found flirty (and even sexual tension) messages with a girl. I freaked out and we argued again. He get really mad at me for checking his phone, and I told him to tell me if he wanted to be with other girls, that’s fine, but not in a relationship with me. He said he wasn’t, that it was just a game and he wanted to be with me (actully the messages where from last year, but he already had an exclusive relationship with, that he asked for!). After that, we get into other arguments by phone, texting, until he told me he didn’t know anymore if this was working, if we were a good fit for each other, and propose to go to couples therapy. I see this as a sing for his interested, but he stopped writing me and calling me. I asked him and he told that he thinks is the best now to stop future arguments and get things worse until we see the therapist. What do you think? Was I needy and very insecure? Was I looking for too much reassurance? Is he really honest?

    1. Avatar

      monica

      March 18, 2017 at 5:54 pm

      Oh, I have another doubt. Why is he treating like I’m the problem? He seems to be the offended one, and I don’t understand. I accept I was pushing him for clear answers and reassurance, but I don’t see why he get that upset with me. Any idea?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 22, 2017 at 3:46 pm

      It’s probably just his way of gaining control. If you’re going into couples therapy, just keep being active in improving yourself and don’t initiate contact after the therapy.. Don’t tell in the therapy that you’re already doing the no contact rule.

    3. Avatar

      monica

      March 18, 2017 at 5:51 pm

      Yes. I’m applying it, we are supposed to meet a d talk until couples therapy in about two weeks. Was I really needy or just insecure with reasons? I’m having difficulties to seeing clearly between that line. Thank you so much for your answer!

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2017 at 5:07 pm

      Hi Monica,

      obviously, he’s not being honest which what fueled your insecurity.. are you going to do the no contact rule?

  4. Avatar

    Rene

    March 14, 2017 at 4:43 pm

    Help! I relocated to ATLANTA about 9 months ago to be with my boyfriend. About two weeks ago he left. I tried calling and texting but all it does is lead to him yelling at me. So I’ve started the nc rule, this is day two. Yesterday he texted stating that he is hurt about the situation and he invested a lot of time as well (but he was the one who wanted to leave), I did not respond to his text and he hasn’t called or text. I’m here in Atlanta alone no family or friends. I’m currently living with his friends who don’t really care for me. What should I do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2017 at 9:24 am

      Hi Rene,

      it would be better if you move back home and treat this like an impending ldr

  5. Avatar

    Maria

    March 5, 2017 at 4:17 pm

    Quite an interesting and good read. Most of this I knew and I have a huge need to be on my own myself – and then my boyfriend basically burnt out, not going into details but he lost someone, and he is completely overworked.
    And trying to be there for him I have turned into the clingy one, and I find it really really hard to break my pattern – a pattern that is so unlike who I really AM, but something that I have been pushed into the last year. We are both in a miserable place right now and I know I am close to losing him – and while that in a way maybe would be the best for at least me, I love him and really don’t want to let him go. He means the world to me
    But I am way too clingy

    I have muted him on all channels now and really hope I manage to give him the space he so desperately need – however I am also, at the same time, worrying sick as I know he is very unhealthy right now
    We can’t save them all though, and furthermore, I can’t save anyone if I burn out too. He has to take responsibility for himself.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 7, 2017 at 2:54 pm

      Hi Maria,

      that’s right.. He has to take responsibility for himself..

  6. Avatar

    kt

    January 28, 2017 at 2:45 am

    My ex boyfriend dumped me on30/12/2016(near 4 years relartionship) through whatsapp. He said we were not match.He said he gave me plenty of chances but every time i became god for a while and then return to be the same again.
    He typed he wouldnt marry me and if i kept saying not to break up then he would hate me so much.
    Then i went to him home and waited him to come back after counting down for 2017.He was so sleepy that he slept with me(no sex just hug), but after we woke up he insisted to break up and said he had no feelings for me.
    His friend told me they discussed it and my ex said it was because of a lot of trivial things and thought we are no longer suitable for each other. My ex deleted all my photos on his social media.
    On 5Jan, I reflected on myself and sent him a very long text about what mistakes I made and claiming i would be a better person, but did not say I want him back.

    On 22Jan, as I helped him bought something online so he came to collect the stuff. He was nice in person maybe he wanted to treat me as his friend. Since then I started whatsapp him, but it’s 100% me initiate the contact. His replies were short but he did not ignore. When I said I was going to learn driving, he suggested me to learn the more difficult one, I think it’s because he is so interested in driving. I said I was afraid to fail and hoped that the teacher would not scold me. He said I can wear deep V so that I will pass. I said I have no boobies and the conversation ended. I am wondering, if he wants to be distant, he could just say no worries or even not to reply after I said I was afraid to fail. I am sure he would not initiate contact if I don’t. When I first met him he was shy. And now obviously he is not interested in me so he probably wouldn’t initiate contact to me. We are 24 and 25years old and are each other’s first love.

    He was a relaxing man while I was his contrast. I like expressing my feelings and thought that after I talked about it then its ok. But he tends to tolerate. He never loses temper until I lost. I think there are some arguments but never think we would separate. In November he was still very sweet to me. I guess it’s because I lost temper in a trip in December.
    Since then, he was colder but still pretended to be good in x’mas.
    Actually before the day he dumped me, he asked me to join his friends and count down together. I was really shocked when he suggested break-up. And this time, he did not say that in an argument, meaning that he thought about it really seriously.
    Thanks

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 28, 2017 at 12:09 pm

      hi Kt,

      it looks like you’re friendzoned.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

  7. Avatar

    Anna

    January 12, 2017 at 4:44 pm

    I’m in a pretty bad situation. I dated a guy for 6 months long distance and were very serious- he met my family, I spoke to his, our parents talked- we were on the marriage track. 4 months into it he told me that he was unemployed. It threw me for a loop but I forgave him knowing how important his career was for him, and how much influence his family had on him. I tried my best to help him with opportunities, but it seemed like over time he wanted less and less of my help.

    Around the 6 month mark I went to go visit him and on my last day of my trip asked about our future and an engagement, and he broke down. He told me he was struggling, had low confidence, and was scared of that kind of commitment. I came back home and a week later he broke up with me. Said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, and that he couldn’t do it anymore- he had suffered some anxiety attacks because of his life situation too. I asked him to go on a break, and not break up because this was about his work and I wanted to be a partner with him. We agreed to checking in every 2 weeks for 2-6 months.

    As the weeks went by, it got harder for me to stay afloat. I tried my best to be positive, but sometimes would have outbursts during the calls asking what was going on or if things were going to get better. Around the 3 month mark he started to get very distant and specific with the 2 week breaks, he refused to talk to me otherwise. He told me he was also being distant from his friends and focussing on work. He then got a contract job and started doing better, said he was open to talking to me more often than the 2 week check ins, but that it took him a while to get back to people so I shouldn’t be alarmed if he doesn’t text right away.

    The next week he went to see his family for thanksgiving and I didn’t hear from him at all for a few days, called and messaged, nothing. He got back to me saying he was fine and that whenever I text and call so many times it makes him feel suffocated and harassed. I told him I was sorry, I was just worried for his safety. A week later he had an event to go to that he had been working on, I asked how it went and nothing. I saw that he was talking to some friends on his Facebook wall, and got upset and called him out. I told him it hurt that he had time for others and not for me, called him a bunch of times, and texted him all day with apologies and heard nothing. It has now been 6 weeks since then.

    I reached out to him for 3 following weeks every few days asking for forgiveness, apologizing, and he hasn’t said a single thing. It has been 2 weeks since I last reached out. Now that it’s been so long and he’s been separating himself from me, what are my options? Will no contact even work in this situation? Please help. I’m so confused and lost. This was the guy I thought I was going to marry.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 13, 2017 at 2:19 pm

      Hi Anna,
      there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it’s better to do it do you can improve yourself than to keep on chasing him

  8. Avatar

    susan mcdonald

    January 3, 2017 at 10:27 pm

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    hi, my name is Susan, i have written you before regarding my dilemma, and you gave good advice, back in Oct/Nov-id mentioned i was with my ex from 2012 until July of this year, we had lived together briefly after that, he was not financially stable as i was(we are ten years apart, i’m 10 years older then him), so my ex name is Mel. when i last wrote you it was him saying after the break up in July of 2016 to give him time to get himself together financially and then we can try the relationship again, since after the break up in July, he hadn’t been communicating much with me, texting, calling seeing me as much as i wanted, i would be the one to do that, so the holidays roll around, thanksgiving, Xmas, new years eve, he goes out of town because he has family six hours away from where he lives, he hadn’t invited me to come along, unlike last year i spent all three holidays with him and got to meet his mom that lives out of town and his grandparents, so i said to him can we at least spend one holiday together, he says we will, that would’ve been new years, new years he says we can, he texts me back after i asked where and what time did he want to meet he says i am just going to spend time with my family, so i was very upset and sent him a text like lets throw in the towel on this i’m done, ton top of that i am moving sat Jan 7th and i gave him $60 to help me move and i said in fact don’t bother helping me f**** move, give me back my money and go f*** yourself, he calls and says i said for months give me time to get myself together for financial reasons and you have been pressuring me all this time, you are extremely needy and clingy and immature and need to grow up, your a kid that if they do not get there way they last out, he said i needed you when i was at a down point in my life, all you did was emasculate me because i wasn’t as financial stable as you and kick me out of the house and now you expect me to just forget. i didn’t reply after that so at this point i read your read up on being clingy and how to overcome that, and looking back after the break up he was being pressured by me, because i text him every other day to give me a chance and that he never sees me and doesn’t give me, love, affection and attention and we have no sex life, I’ve made it very clear to him that i have not been dating since the break up in July and he said i just need to relax. my goal this time around is to not call, text and after the move not give him keys, invite him over, ask to hang out which i would do all the time after break p, to mirror his image, so he doesn’t see me as clingy anymore, he even blurted out that is why he became so distant because after break up i was calling and texting and he felt smothered and that i was too old to be acting like that. there would be times he would block me because i would just get so upset with not seeing him and hearing from him i would create a burner number and call him from that and he said that is immature. so since that argument this past weekend, i haven’t called or text and my plan is not until sat for the move, because he is helping me and after that wait 30 days this time and let him see i’m not needy and clingy and immature like he thinks. i just really love him and miss him, he is not dating anyone and he after the break up and having kicked him out he end up staying with a couple that has two kids, i offered that if comes back to live with me, i wont let him feel less then a man, and smother him, he said he would think about it., but that was Thur and the fight was this weekend. at this point what would i do, I’ve realized I’ve been going overboard, what suggestions do you have for me and do you think i can get him back at this point with all the clingy and smothering I’ve been doing.
    do you think him still even talking to me is a good thing or he is just doing it out of pity? he has been the only guy I’ve been with since moving from Mass to Florida in 2012. PLEASE I NEED HELP. starting the 30 day no contact rule today Jan 2, but it will be interrupted do to him helping me move on Sat and resume after Jan 8th to Feb 8th, do you think that would even matter after all that’s been going on with us?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2017 at 12:52 pm

      Hi Susan,
      actually 30 days is not enough if he sees you that way.. It’s just too predictable that everything you’re doing is trying to get him back. Frankly, for someone to believe you have moved on or starting to move on that is in the same case as you, it has to be long time of no contact… maybe 3 months is the least, but realistically it would be 6 months to a year.

  9. Avatar

    Kylie

    January 3, 2017 at 9:22 pm

    My situation is a little bit tricky. I’m fwb with a guy. It’s been going on for a little over a year now. I met this guy at work. We became pretty good friends and then started hooking up. At first it was once every two weeks, then once a week, and then twice. I’m 21 and he’s 22 and we both go to the same college. When we got closer I suggested we take a class together and at first it seemed like he was unsure but eventually he agreed and we did. This was 6 months in when we started the class. Monday-Thursday we’d go to class, then work, and then I’d go over to his house and spend the night then repeat. During this time everything was going really well. We became really close. I confessed to him that I had lost my virginity to him. Everything was great until I found myself contacting him on Friday-Sunday when we didn’t have school and our work schedules were different that I realized that I would be upset when he didn’t want to/or couldn’t hang out with me. That’s when I started realizing that I was being clingy. This was towards the end of the summer semester. I started contacting him less and I noticed that on days where I wouldn’t text/call him he’d text/call me. Eventually things got weird. We started arguing about stupid things. We’d argue over work and stupid things like that. We started talking about our arguments and tried to fix them. Sometimes we’d be fine for a while but eventually we’d argue about some nonsense. I noticed he started withdrawing from me. I asked him about it and he said it was because “he’d rather deal with not seeing me because it guaranteed that we wouldn’t argue”. Ironically shortly after we both got different jobs. I thought this was a good thing because I realized that a lot of our arguments were work-related so I figured that if we didn’t work together then we wouldn’t argue as much. Boy was I wrong! ( I’ll get into that after this). One night we’re we had both been drinking I told him that I was in love with him. He said he liked me too but that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. ( He had just broken up with his ex of 4 years when we started talking). I started saying “I love you” to him all the time. At first he reciprocated the affection (he never said it back though) and after a couple weeks he began to withdraw from me. I realized I was the only one making an effort to see him or communicate with him. I questioned him about it and he said he felt pressured. During this time I found out that he still kept in contact with his ex. I asked him if he panned on getting back with her. He told me he “didn’t think so but the fact that he still responded to her messages said something”. I KNOW that at this point I probably should be stopped seeing him but I was so in love. Going back to the arguing, we continued to argue A LOT. Our arguments got worse to the point of me going to his house without his consent and him kicking me out and me refusing to leave. We had a bad argument once on a Sunday. I refused to leave his house and he carried me out. When I finally realized how out of control the situation was I panicked. I asked him to call me (I was at work) and after much pleading he did. I begged him to see me after work and he finally accepted. We talked and both apologized for our wrong-doings. He said he needed space so I didn’t contact him for 4 days (I know that’s not much). But we agreed to hangout on Friday. I texted him to see if we were still going to hang out at 5pm and he said yes. So I decided to go and buy drinks for us (we had agreed to drink that night). I texted him when I was at the store to see what he wanted to drink and he didn’t respond. I waited. Texted him at 6:30 to see if we could meet up already and he didn’t respond. I waited. Called him at 7 and no response. Finally at around 9:30 I called and got no answer. I drove by his house and saw that his friends car was there. I was upset cause we had agreed to hangout and it appeared that he had been blowing me off for his friend. I texted him shortly after saying something along the lines of ” if you don’t want to hang out anymore it’s fine. I don’t want to be an annoyance to you” he texted me back and said “that I was doing the most and that of course he didn’t want to hang out with me now” I called him and he didn’t answer. Called again asking him if we could talk. He refused. I went to his house. His friend was leaving when I got there. I asked him if we could talk. He refused initially but then agreed. That ended terribly with him calling the cops on me since I refused to leave. I agreed to leave and he agreed to call me when the cops had left. He called me an hour and a half later. I apologized and in he middle of me explaining myself he hung up on me. I decided not to call him back to give him some time to cool down. When I tried calling him 30 minutes later his phone was off. So I called his house phone and left a message apologizing. I texted him the next day and no response. Called and no answer. Text and called him the day after that and no response. 3 days later I called him and got no answer. 2 days after that I texted him and nothing. 2 days again and nothing. 3 days after that I texted him asking if we could talk. He responded and said he couldn’t because he worked. I asked him if he worked the next day and he said no. So I asked if we could talk and he agreed. I worked that day and got off at 5 so I texted him an hour before I was off to ensure that he still wanted to. No answer. So stayed at work until 5:45 and he called me at the time I got off. We talked and it was weird at frist. He was really distant and then somehow it seemed normal again. I drove home while I was talking to him and when I got near his house asked to see him (his house is on my way to my house)He didn’t really want to but agreed. We talked. We both said we missed each other. We got food and hung out. We ended up sleeping together. I thought things were back to normal but he was really distant now. He wouldn’t respond to a lot of my messages and when he would he’d respond hours later. This was about two weeks ago. We hung out Sunday night and I spent the night. Also last night. I don’t want to jinx it and I know that I could be very wrong but things seem to be going well again. I can see myself getting pushy/clingy again so my dilemma is this: how do I continue this without being like before (clingy and needy) and if possible get him to want to be with me in a real relationship (I could be wrong but I feel like the main reason he wound want to be my boyfriend is because of my clingyness. I’m sure he thinks it would intensify if we were in a REAL relationship.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2017 at 7:56 pm

      Hi Kylie,

      if you really want a chance for a serious relationship,.dont ever sleep with him. Because, why would he commit when he can knows you’ll give what he’s wants without it? And yes, you’re clinginess is also one of the big reasons he won’t too. How to stop being clingy? Don’t ever demand. First, you’re not together. Second, even if you’re together, it’s not healthy to be too clingy. It shows you make your world revolve around him because you don’t have your own life..

  10. Avatar

    Anonymous

    January 1, 2017 at 6:00 pm

    What would be appropriate of me the first time I run into my ex? It will be a public event that he doesn’t know I will also be attending, and his friends and some mutual friends will be there as well because of our common activities; it will have been about 3 months since our break-up and any contact with each other. It was long distance and we’d only see each other about 4 times a year at most if we didn’t make our own plans; this is one of those 4-ish times. He left because I was clingy and he didn’t want too much attention or to feel obsessed over, and by the time he made his decision, he didn’t want anything to do with me whether that was being in a relationship, being friends (though we’d probably be on these terms had we studied at the same school and saw each other regularly) or keeping lines of staying in touch open (he blocked my number and me on social media so now I can only get to him through mutual friends and he never responded to me directly when I initially tried to sort things out). Soon after he told me he doesn’t want a relationship I had made it clear to him that if we run into each other in the future I most likely won’t be ignoring him because it’s not in my personality to ignore anyone no matter what our current terms are and I think it’s always nice to see people you know after a while, and I want him to take it that objectively, but I am afraid he won’t do that when a preconceived notion of clinginess could be in the mix to prevent him from seeing that the way I act is because I’m approachable and friendly in most cases. If nothing like a break-up had happened between us and say we were still just friendly as before our relationship, I would usually smile a lot and be enthusiastic (especially when it had been a long time since we had seen each other) and conversational with him, showing interest in how he had been since we last saw or contacted each other, but I don’t know how I can feel free to be in how I interact with him this first time, hopefully in a way that might make him reconsider me such as through seeing that I don’t really have clinginess about me or beginning to enjoy my company and conversation again. My goal for now is to get him interested in speaking to and being in contact with me again and go from there. I am also not sure whether for this to work, it would require conversation and for him to initiate it; if so, what would be best to do in a case he might not? He is generally shy and not really outgoing unless he is interested in someone, and he isn’t interested in me at the moment as far as I know, and I see that he might feel awkward in this situation, especially when other people we know will be around. Thank you so much for any insight.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 1, 2017 at 8:06 pm

      Hi Anonymous,

      if he broke up with you because you’re clingy and you really made it a point that you would approach him and talk to him in person, if he doesn’t want that, he will avoid you or he would wait for you to come for a catch up talk and probably prepare on how he would make you feel that he’s serious about the break up. So, give him the unexpected.. Dont search for him. if you ever get in really close proximity, just smile and then walk away. Look your best..if he approaches, talk and then walk away at the high point of conversation, excuse yourself and then mingle with other people..

  11. Avatar

    May T

    December 31, 2016 at 7:22 pm

    2 months ago ex broke up with me because of clinginess. Did no contact for 24 days. He does hot and cold reaction towards me when I contact him. 2 weeks ago I met up with him and everything was great. He initiated in some intimacy but it ended with us agreeing to stay friends until things are figured out. I text him at least once a week since then but usually no reply back, so now I’m doing active no contact again for 3 weeks. How do I show that I have changed? Is there anything else I can do?

    1. Avatar

      Gabby

      January 19, 2017 at 2:08 pm

      Hi I haven’t actually broken up with my bf yet but it’s getting to the point where he’s withdrawing and even told me he gets irritated when I ask to hangout. I know I have been clingy and am trying to work on it now seeing that however I’m not sure how to go about it. I have been doing most of the work in the relationship I ask to come over and I plan all the dates. It’s clear that I over pampered him and it feels like the relationship is one of convenience now for him. I want to prevent the break up bc I can tell it’s close as we fight constantly right now always the same him not spending time with me or planning something and him declining bc he’s in a bad mood or over worked (which is true he works a lot) how do I recover before it gets any worse ? Anything I can do to stop the clinginess and get him to feel happy with me not annoyed?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 20, 2017 at 7:16 pm

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 1, 2017 at 7:17 pm

      Hi May,

      stop making the effort.. 24 days was too short and keeping in contact also didn’t help. Thing is, you were in contact in a long time after break up, it looked like chasing. So the higher chanc3 of reversing that is to stop contacting him for a long time, stop responding and just have your own life..

  12. Avatar

    May

    December 31, 2016 at 7:20 pm

    2 months ago ex broke up with me because of clinginess. Did no contact for 24 days. He does hot and cold reaction towards me when I contact him. 2 weeks ago I met up with him and everything was great. He initiated in some intimacy but it ended with us agreeing to stay friends until things are figured out. I text him at least once a week since then but usually no reply back, so now I’m doing active no contact again for 3 weeks. How do I show that I have changed? Is there anything else I can do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 1, 2017 at 7:16 pm

      Hi May,

      stop making the effort.. 24 days was too short and keeping in contact also didn’t help. Thing is, you were in contact in a long time after break up, it looked like chasing. So the higher chanc3 of reversing that is to stop contacting him for a long time, stop responding and just have your own life..

  13. Avatar

    rolex

    December 18, 2016 at 2:40 pm

    He is not my boyfriend but i like him alot, we even had sex. i became clingy after wards and he ended up hating me and told me to “leave him the hell alone” but i just couldn’t, he blocked me on social media. but i have stopped contacting him for a week now, although i bombed into him today, i hope that hasn’t ruined everything for me though.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 1:04 am

      Hi Rolex
      how did you act when you saw him? Are you improving yourself? Aim to be the ungettable girl..

  14. Avatar

    Charlene

    December 15, 2016 at 8:55 pm

    After reading this article I am like wow everything I read was so me! It explained what I was doing to my boyfriend exactly and now I feel like an idiot! It really helped me understand a mans point of view when having someone clingy like myself. He just texted and asked what to I was doing later and my response was I was busy because that more guy needs much needed space from my clingy little self haha thank u Chris I think u just saved our relationship if it wasnt already too late

    1. Avatar

      Zoey

      December 18, 2016 at 11:26 pm

      I was in a long distance relationship for 7 months and my ex decided he needed to take a break from dating to figure out what he wanted in life and also because he’s going in deployment next year. So I did the no contact rule successfully. He started liking all my pictures. Then after no contact we started texting again. Unfortunately, I started to get a little clingy. I texted him twice and called him. Then I texted him again the next day. He hasn’t replied since. Should I not talk to him for a week and see what happens? I’m not sure what to do

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 9:20 am

      Hi Zoey,

      how long have you been texting?

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 17, 2016 at 1:23 am

      Hi Charlene,
      It’s never too late to be better 🙂

  15. Avatar

    Imagine

    December 14, 2016 at 12:00 am

    This is by far the most helpful article I have read on being clingy. My boyfriend and I have not broken up but I have done a few of these acts, specifically being unnecessarily jealous. A few months ago, I found out that my boyfriend had been hanging out w his long ago ex girlfriend. He lied to me about who she was from the beginning. I wouldn’t have cared if he told me that he was hanging out w her, but he didn’t tell me. I first found out because we were watching a video on his phone one night and she texted him about his dog. At this point he told me that she was a friend but later that night he told me that she was his ex and that he still had feelings for her as anyone does an ex. I understand this and I think it’s fine. Yes we are adults and have had significant others in our lives. He told they had met to walk their dogs together the week before. I asked why he didn’t mention it. He swept it aside and I told him that it’s fine to hang out w her if there isn’t anything there more than friendship why not, but just let me know. That if he hides it, then it’s doing both of us a disservice. Fast forward a few months and I was on his phone on his Facebook – he asked me to write something on there for him. I noticed she was his “favorite” and they text a lot. I opened the messages (he was next to me) and saw that he had been reaching out to her to hang out, quite a lot, on nights we were not together. Those nights, I wouldn’t ask what he was doing, but we’d text as normal and wish each other good night. I figured he was either w his neighbor or alone, no big deal. I saw that he had asked her to hang out on numerous occasions and they did, granted the texts were all platonic and not sexual. Still I broke up him then and there. I thought okay, there is way more to this and I’m not interested in being in the middle of these two. He begged and pleaded and said he would stop. For the most part he has and I he now tells me when she contacts him. Unfortunately this has made me very insecure and I don’t have trust for him. I know he is a good guy and won’t cheat on me, but he lied to me about hanging out w her and that is what is hurtful. So now I freak out if he doesn’t respond right away or if she writes. Of course there is way more to this story, but the bottom line is I feel betrayed and I am definitely acting out as a result. I am controlling now. I don’t like this and he hates this. He feels that he couldn’t tell me in the first place because I would have freaked out. I feel that had he been honest from the very beginning, if he suggested that we all hang out or at least for me to meet her, none of this would matter. I have to take some steps back and regain some of myself. Thanks again for the article and allowing the space to write.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 1:16 am

      Hi Imagine,

      I think your reaction to what he did, you being you right now is normal. It’s not nice to keep seeing your ex and then hide it. Are you going to do the no contact rule?

  16. Avatar

    Sophia

    November 25, 2016 at 2:29 am

    I was in a long distance relationship and it’s safe to say my ex broke up with me because I was clingy and made him feel like my life was starting to revolve around him, especially when I started to make a lot more effort to see him despite my busy student life and the distance at times he couldn’t do it himself. I asked if we could still be friends and he said he didn’t think we should stay in touch; after that, he blocked my number but we are still friends on Facebook. One of his friends had explained to me that it made sense he wanted to avoid me because it felt as though I’d be feeding off of any type of interaction with him when he didn’t feel the same way for me anymore (most likely because clinginess was a major turn-off) and my expressing my want to at least stay friends seems like persistence in this situation that is driving him away. I do want to get back with him, but would also be happy to make the progress of going back to the friendly terms we had before being together, but when he expects me not to contact him anyway because he told me I shouldn’t and our interaction became more in-person during our relationship when we’d see each other about weekly or so, I don’t know how no contact will work, and rare are instances in which I’d be able to say I bumped into him because we go to different schools that are not very close to each other. I fear I won’t be able to improve my situation because we don’t see each other and there’s no one associated with him who would convey to him my progress on self-improvement. I want to show him I won’t make the same mistakes again and at least that we’ll do fine as friends by acting normally, friendly, and staying calm about what happened among other needed factors, but I don’t know how I can do this when we don’t see each other anymore and I can’t reach him without him likely feeling that I didn’t listen or consider his wishes to an adequate degree and seeing it further as a clingy action. What should I do in this situation? And if an occasion does come up when we see each other again without making plans to, such as an event where both of our schools are involved and we’d have to come, which will be happening at least once this year but he may try to avoid coming if he knows I might, how to act with him? Also, how should I act with his friends, who still keep contact with me so that I don’t ruin my chances? I don’t want to give them a negative impression that will be reported back to him on. They are trying to support me and help me feel better after the break-up and I’m finding it hard to resist talking about how I feel and how I’m not over him, and I worry that they’ll start to view me as something along the lines of desperate, needy, clingy, etc., which wouldn’t be proving my ex otherwise. Today is the 16th day we haven’t been in contact; what should be my plan in terms of no contact, and within what range of time should I give him until we talk again either in person or via phone, like messaging? Thank you so much!

    1. Avatar

      Sophia

      December 2, 2016 at 8:07 am

      Facebook has been our only common social media, and he blocked me on it yesterday. I didn’t try contacting him and my activity on it wasn’t unusual, but that’s what happened. What do I do?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 2, 2016 at 7:09 pm

      You still have to be active in posting in it and make your posts public because there’s a chance that he check that when he gets curious..

    3. Avatar

      Sophia

      November 28, 2016 at 1:16 pm

      Thank you! I believe I could clarify my last question and say that I perhaps started to seem too obsessive about him to him when he knew I already had a lot on my plate; my question was with this long distance and not being in touch, how I can show him otherwise and that I’m not focused on him an unhealthy amount? He already knows I’m a very busy person from the start and that I probably still am and will be, but I guess that isn’t changing the impression that I can’t think about anything but him, an idea that makes him uncomfortable with being in a relationship or being friends again. What can I do other than no contact and continue the busy life I have that he’s already aware of so he can start to see past this impression that I’m clingy and obsessive and become interested in me again?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2016 at 1:20 pm

      I know this can seem repetitive but the only way he will see your progress is through social media.. If you were clingy, that means you always demanded time or blamed him..so if you’re busy before and still clingy, that means you have to choose agtivities that really make you grow and focus in yourself more

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 27, 2016 at 2:23 pm

      You have to be active in posting is social media.. whether he has an account or not, because there is still a big chance that he will check your account once he gets curious why you stopped chasing.
      I didn’t understand your last question though..If you meant you were clingy, that means you weren’t active enough in your own time because if you were active in your time, you wouldn’t be clingy. Yes, you are distant, but I think what you meant is that you were demanding? Correct me if I’m wrong. That still means you’re clingy. He has to see during and after nc that you’re more busy. You don’t have much time for him and you’re not asking nor demanding more time from him anymore because you have a lot on your plate.

      He has to see that you’re starting to move on during nc, so that there’s a higher chance that he will initiate during it or he would think that you’re just being friendly after nc if you initiate. That’s why you have to keep the routine that you will start during nc while your’e rebuilding rapport with him slowly.

  17. Avatar

    Jit

    November 24, 2016 at 5:32 am

    hi i just met a girl at night out…. we slept together…. we started texting each other…….. she said she is not ready for a relationship as she had recently break up with her boyfriend.. and she has been trying to things sorted out with him… and she put me as a friend… she suddenly stop texting …… i was too clingy i think… this think just happened within first week and done… i want her back again.. thinking to text her as her daughter’s birthday is coming soon ( within our first meeting)…. pls advice

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 26, 2016 at 6:55 pm

      HI Jit,

      when was this? How long were you talking to each other? Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  18. Avatar

    bluie

    November 12, 2016 at 2:26 pm

    Me and my ex girlfriend were together for 6 years as a couple and dated for a year before that. She called it quits this year coz i was ‘too much’. Its been 4 months now and she is with someone new (thats what she said last time we talked), she met this person a month post breakup and got together with him right away. I still love her. I regretted being clingy making her feel smothered and suffocated since i loved her too much and I was insensitive that I was making her feel that way. Post breakup a lot of things happened like rumours from our friends and my sister also argued with her. I didnt really wanted those to happen since I dont want to hurt her, just that people acted on their own and I didnt even knew about it at first. I have told her that I am sorry for hurting her, and sorry for how my side acted on when we broke up, just that they didnt expect my ex to move into another relationship right away causing me to be mentally and emotionally wrecked (hurting those who loves me then disappointed with my ex since they expected better from her).

    To be honest I still want to be with her but I will keep my word to her that I will not pursue her and take her from the new guy if that what makes her happy. Im sad that she never understood why i was too much (because I didnt trust the friends she met two years ago, since they were the kind who’ll flirt alot despite having boyfriends and didnt want to influence my ex).

    Any advice on how I can move on? It’s my priority right now. Coz i want to stop hurting already and just be happy with her. I’m leaving everything with fate.

    To my first true love, and also im her first.. you’ll always be special and I am thankful coz you made me happy.

    1. Avatar

      bluie

      November 15, 2016 at 4:34 am

      Hi Amor,
      Yeah it has been and still is rough for me. I’ve been volunteering, going out to socialize and stuff. Still it is hard since it was a long time that I spent with that person. And it disappointed me a lot on how she just tossed things that easily. And replaced me right away also.

      Not to mention she has been pretending to be the victim and her girl friends had been spreading nasty talks about me so they’ll come clean.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 1:28 am

      Hi Bluie,

      Dont rush. Take it step by step. Start a new routine, and acknowledge every time you think about her. That’s ok. Just dont stay that way. Acknowledge and then go back to your activity. Do something with progress like volunteering, do new things, improve yourself and make new friends.

  19. Avatar

    Vicky

    November 5, 2016 at 5:28 pm

    after fun first happened with the I went and told a close friend of ours what had happened and she said he was a really private person etc but as time went on I kept asking her for advice and telling her things.s So last night I came clean to him about talking to our close friend about what had happened between us and he was really calm and just said “well there goes the trust thing” and that we are now strictly friends and that’s it. He asked me to delete the pics of him I had as he’s deleted mine. Why didn’t he get annoyed at me? And why does he still want to be friends with someone who’s dishonest

    Since then I’ve said that I miss him in the Fwb way and maybe about in the future something to happen ? I also said that I was sorry for hurting him and asked whether he regrets anything that happened between us. He responded:

    “I’m done with the aspect of fwb, but being friends sounds great. You didn’t hurt me. But not really. I don’t really think about it”

    What does all this mean?

    1. Avatar

      Vicky

      November 7, 2016 at 10:13 am

      I guess I just would like him to miss me but not sure how to do it?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 7, 2016 at 9:07 pm

      ok, but dont offer to be friends with benefits again. The best approach is to be your best self and when you talk or interact, have fun and then go back to your own life.. Dont be too available..

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2016 at 11:55 pm

      Hi Vicky

      why did you want him to be angry and why are you offering to be friends with benefits? Dont do that again. Dont lower your value.

  20. Avatar

    Vic

    November 4, 2016 at 4:42 am

    We had a friends with benefits going on and I went and told his friend about it and got her advice etc and tonight I admitted to my friends with benefits guy that I told her and he didn’t get angry at all, all he said was that “there goes the trust thing” and that we were strictly friends and that’s it. We’ve since spoken on other social media and it’s as if we’re back to just friends again Why wasn’t he hurt and why does he want to be friends with me when I told his friend personal things? I’m confused

    1. Avatar

      Vic

      November 6, 2016 at 12:38 pm

      We are friends but why does he want to still be friends with me? Should I do the nc?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 7, 2016 at 3:38 pm

      From how you say it, it looks like it’s just because that’s the civil way to do.. yes, you should do the no contact rule. Do it for yourself to heal and improve.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2016 at 12:52 am

      Hi Vic,

      Correct me if I’m wrong. He said, “There goes the trust thing” Because he thinks you don’t trust him enough because you ask advice with your friend? What did he want you to trust enough? And why did you want him to get hurt?
      Frankly, do you want him to be more emotionally attached to you? Because that’s the reason why you’re just friends with benefits, and not in an exclusive boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. SO, it’s not that surprising that he’s not reacting so emotionally about the situation.

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