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772 thoughts on “Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy”

  1. Avatar

    Pamm Smith

    February 6, 2018 at 2:17 pm

    My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago, but sadly we stated in contact and I feel it might be too late for the 30 rule, because he mentioned 2 days ago my insecurities is the reason why I wanted to break up. We work together, so I’m trying my best to avoid him now. And I haven’t talk to him since then. I honestly think it’s too late for us, but I did realise i forgot who I was while in the relationship. Now I’m just trying to find myself again.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2018 at 12:17 pm

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    Sophia Morgan

    February 6, 2018 at 12:02 pm

    Hi…I was really controlling during the past few months of our (distance) relationship and invaded his privacy and didn’t give him space when he asked. He has blocked me and told me it’s over and he doesn’t love me anymore but that’s not true because he was making plans for the future 3 weeks ago and has been up and down about this for the past 3 weeks while we were on a “break.” I kept messing the break up and contacting him. He couldn’t even look me in the eyes when he broke up with me. I told him I don’t want to see him when he comes and gets his stuff but I would like to leave an apology note with it for him. I am implementing the no contact because I really want him back, but I feel like if he gets the apology note it will help during the no contact period. Please help me write an apology note for him! I need help. I want him back more than anything in the world he is the love of my life. I’m a broke college student so I can’t really afford any sessions I just really need your help!!! Also what does it mean if he’s turned his friends and family against me ?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2018 at 12:08 pm

      Hi Sophia,

      don’t give an apology note. You would look like you’re chasing him..

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    justgotdumped

    December 18, 2017 at 8:54 am

    I have been dating this guy for 3 months. We moved pretty fast (sleepovers half of the week) for the first month. And then he started asking me to move in around the 2-month mark. Finally, at about month 3 I agreed to move in. Things were going well, although I realize I may have been clingy. I’ve been cheated on so I was always insecure and scared that he would like other girls. I also complained a lot that he hung out with his friends instead of me. Also that he didn’t text me enough. I feel like the clinginess problems didn’t show up fully until we moved in together though.

    One night, after drinking too much, I got sad and needy and yelled at him a lot. The day after he said we should to take a step back and I should move out. I moved out a few days later. Then a few days later he said he’d be willing to try again. And 2 days later (last time we spoke), I asked him about our status and if we could see other people. He said yes and so I said we might as well break up. In between that and the drunk night, I apologized multiple times saying sorry for being clingy and that I didn’t know I was (kinda embarrassing).

    I’m not sure if he’s already seeing someone new and I don’t plan on contacting him at all. Also I’ve deleted him on social media.

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    Sammie

    November 8, 2017 at 10:13 am

    I can honestly identify with more than one of the clingy behaviors. I was in a LDR with my ex for 10 months. We met in the same city, then due to job relocation we were LD for 5 months. We communicated everyday and not once had a serious argument. LD just came so naturally easy for us. I understood he had a busy life so I was very understanding about our time together. After reading this article I can look back and realize how ‘clingy’ I had become. There came a point where I had upset him and said he would be “too busy to visit me.” During that time he was off for the weekend and I didn’t get much of his time. And he had told me stuff like that kills him. He actually apologized for the silent treatment he gave me and I apologized for the expectations I was throwing at him, but after that he started to become more distant, less affectionate, and started purposely ignoring me. Naturally, I started to press further which now I can see pushed him way. My last straw was when I heard a rumor that my ex was texting another girl he used to sleep with before we met. I immediately reacted!! I called at least 20 times and kept messaging him. My impatience ended the relationship and I never even got an answer from him about the rumor nor the breakup voicemail I left him 🙁 It has been a week since the breakup. I have not tried contacting him except for a drunk “I’m sorry” text. Obviously I am too embarrassed to even contact him. And after reading this article I’m worried that there is no hope for me. I did not beg him to take me back. Once the breakup was said I let him be. We loved each other and missed each other dearly before my insecurities hit me. I want to believe that by me doing NC I can still have a chance at getting him back. I tried so hard not to be the clingy girlfriend with insecurities, Little did I know I was slowly starting to become one.

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    amber

    November 7, 2017 at 12:32 am

    Hello
    I really need some advice. my boyfriend and I haven’t always had the best relationship as we were on and off for about a year. There was always his ex gf that would kind of pop back into his life and now that I look back on it he seemed to gravitate towards her when we would start arguing a lot. To make a long story short as of august he asked me to be his girl like officially. we never officially dated because he told me that when he makes a woman his gf that means a lot to him and if he doesnt feel like he can commit to me he wont take that extra step. WEll he finally did and everything was great even though we had basically been together for a year. We were spending basically everyday together, practically living together. And then of course my anger issues started to become a problem again. I would nag at him for small things, for things that I shouldn’t be nagging at him for. I was mad at him for something, either when I woke up or went to bed. Never really got over our past and how he hurt me. He would sneak to talk to his ex and hide his phone from me in the past especially when we werent getting along that well. I never really gave myself that time to heal, we always just jumped right back in after a month or two of being away from eachother. This time though he grew much, mentally he was strong and I could tell he really wanted to be with me. He wasn’t texting his ex he wasnt talking to her he didnt have any lock on his phone and I had full access. He showed me everyday he loved me, showered me with kisses and hugs and sometimes I wouldn’t even want the kiss or hug. He would always call me beautiful and check on me throughout the day and would d anything for me. I mean everything that I wanted out of a man for the most part. I just couldn’t seem to get over the past and he broke up with me. The first time was mid September and said my attitude was too much and I needed to stop being such a nag and just be more calm. we got back together wthin the same week after promising him I would do better. Of course that didn’t last long and mid October he broke up with me again. At first he told me that if I changed my attitude things would work out for us and it doesn’t end here. And he just kept saying he needed space. For a few days after the break up we kept communication with eachother and almost felt like we were going to get back together but he just wasn’t quite there all the way. Well there was a more personal issue that occurred during our break up that I fabricated a little bit because I was desparate and im sure that’s what really made him upset. He went from ignoring me and then would text me to stop calling him and take our pic down on fb. He blocked me on facebook but wont black my number on his phone. He wont pick up he wont text back. NOTHING. I got so desperate I texted him off a different number and he responded with who is this and of course once he found out it was me his response was “ok nobody is going to reply now” or something along those lines. I really love this man. Our relationship didn’t start off as the typical fairy tale but we love eachother. we are best friends. I know I need to give him space stop calling and texting. I really am trying trust me I am but this issue I have with being in control is what just makes all that go out the window. I mean ive even started counseling and everything and I feel a significant change. I honestly feel like that ive called him so much now that hes just done. Sometimes ill call three or 4 times in a row and other days I wont call at all. I know hes still mad but this is something that I haven’t experienced with him. We have broken up before but because of him and him wanting to explore whatever with his ex. and now that he finally got over that and wanted to just be with me, I completely messed up. I hurt him really bad he doesn’t even want to talk to me or anything. What am I supposed to do? I feel like I lost him forever Please help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 5:51 pm

      HI Amber,

      do you want to try the no contact rule and the advice above ?

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    Tracy

    November 6, 2017 at 11:33 am

    May I also add that me and my ex get on like a house on fire and get on really well. I think that is why we hit it off so well. However I feel like my clinginess and neediness has pushed him away. I was never jealous as I trust him 100% and still do however I can be controlling in ways that things need to be done a certain way which I know now can be annoying esp when I stayed in HIS house. My mum recommends me to give him his space and be patient. She always thinks a lot of my ex and would like to see us both work it out.

    Thanks

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 8:25 pm

      HI Tracy,

      restart nc, do at least 30 days and take it slow after that.. don’t sleep with him again..

  7. Avatar

    Tracy

    November 6, 2017 at 11:24 am

    Hi Amor,

    I met my ex-boyfriend on an online dating site 18 months ago. He is 30 and I am 28. We broke up 4 weeks ago after a silly argument and said he wanted to be on his own and didn’t have any interest in talking to any other woman bar me. He also said he wanted to be friends. I already agreed (before finding this website). I did NC for around 1.5/2 weeks. But he contacted me regarding shared bills we have. Before our breakup we had been spending a lot of time together and I was staying at his place the majority of the week. We never did date night or even spent time with our own friends. He has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship which was not good one! They were always fighting and were on and off over a 10 year period. He was single for a little over a year before meeting me. I may also add I am someone who treats him a lot and I can’t help but get him little things etc. He doesn’t have a lot of money after he pays child support, rent and other bills. But I think subconsciously I have made him feel bad or not good enough because he can’t treat me the way I do with him. After we broke-up we did end up sleeping with each other a week later one last time as I told him it will not happen again if he only wanted to be friends and he can’t have his cake and eat it too. He did mention previously in regards to our contact that if we didn’t talk for a few days to not freak out which I agreed was fine but he texts me every day at some stage asking what am I doing etc. We attended a concert last week that we both still wanted to go on and he has asked me to stay and go to work from his house the next day (usual routine when I stayed). I was surprised he asked me this and it made sense trying to get home together after the concert would be easier. I thought everything was going great and we ended up sleeping together after the concert and the next day everything seemed fine after I returned to his from work. We had a takeaway, I showered and then I went home. I noticed he still has the photo of him and I as his lock screen on his iPhone and our holiday photos on his house keys and in around his house and also still has me as his gf on Facebook. I had moved everything out when we fell out a month ago. He continued to txt me each day but feel he is still being very distant towards me but however he would send me sexual/flirty message late at night. I don’t know if he is being hot and cold with me or he still doesn’t know want he wants. My ex is someone who doesn’t talk about his feelings and feels he can never get the right words out. I did end up seeing him on a few nights ago and we had a takeaway and chilled out but he was on his phone a lot (he never has it out of his hand each day anyway). I has asked him I hope he didn’t ask me to stay earlier in the week just to get into bed with me because I think he would think more of me than that and he said he didn’t do that and did it because he wanted to see me. I had told him I am going to my friends baby sons christening and was on looking for something new to wear to which he wanted to see my options. I don’t know if he is giving me mixed signals. His mum texts me every day asking how we are and if I am seeing him and doesn’t understand what’s up with him or what he wants. She is as confused as I am. Could you assist me in anyway with some advice? I know my post is EXTREMELY long but I wanted to give as much information as possible.

  8. Avatar

    Marie

    September 3, 2017 at 2:23 am

    Hello,
    A year ago I started dating a guy for about a month and he then broke up with me because he said he could not get over his ex girl friend. She actually called him one day last September and he told me he can’t say no to her and broke it off with me. Well, they only lasted a month before their relationship fell apart again. He then contacted me this past March and pursued me for about 2 months and I finally gave in to him. I even stopped dating another guy I was seeing at the time. Well, after about a month of dating again, we had sex for the first time and I came over every Friday and Saturday in the beginning. Then he wanted me to come over on Thursdays too, then spend the night on Sunday nights. This went on for about 6 more weeks ( 4 days a week at his house). So this past weekend starting on Friday, he acted different like not snuggling with me. Even acted that way Saturday. And then all of sudden he woke up this last Sunday morning and was in a bad mood. Treated me horrible all morning until around 1:30 pm. I kept asking him what was wrong. Anyway, I got mad and left suddenly because of his treatment of me. I didn’t talk to him the rest of the day and then I texted him the next morning telling him that I don’t understand why he doesn’t realize how bad he treated me the day before. He fired back saying that he wanted his yesterday and then proceeded to tell me that he just wanted to be by himself for awhile and that he’s sorry but he doesn’t know how to treat people and that I deserve better than him and that he wanted us to remain friends. I don’t know where this is coming from because it came out of the blue. I feel like I should have known that maybe I was smothering him, but I didn’t realize it because he was the one who would tell me that he wanted me to stay over. He is also impotent and I think he always felt pressure to perform. He even joked and said he couldn’t keep up with me and that I was a nympho. He did get erections with medicine, but they are very expensive. Anyway, after he told me he just wanted to be by himself for awhile, he then said he would bring my things to me as soon as he could, which he did the next day. It’s been a week now and I have barely heard from him. Now this man even told me 3 weeks ago that he was falling in love with me more and more each day. I can’t for the life of me think what could have happened since he always went everywhere with me and acted like he was happy with me. Even told me so about 3 weeks ago. I don’t get it and I am devastated. Why did he change overnight? Did he take it hard because I walked on him Sunday and didn’t speak to him the next morning perhaps? I don’t know. I’m at a complete loss. I am begging for some good advice please. What is wrong with this guy or is it me. Did I miss something?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 3, 2017 at 8:56 pm

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    Julia

    August 23, 2017 at 2:51 pm

    Hi Amor,

    I see you’ve replied all of the comments. So I thought I would ask you a question as well.

    I come from a broken family. I lost my mom at a very young age. Dad was very negligent. My older sister who brought me up was extremely controlling. So I have a dozen of insecurities and I am needy and clingy. Even in friendships. Somehow my friends just put up with me and reassure me. And over a period of time I learn to trust them. I even go to a therapist for PTSD and depression. If this is not enough I had an extremely verbally and sexually abusive relationship in the past for two years which I eventually broke off. But scars remains pretty much the same.

    For several years my first break up I refused to meet any man. then my friend introduced me to this guy who is like few years younger than me. I was okay because I had thing against dating younger men. So I thought we’ll just be friends but before long we were talking way too much. (he lives in LA so we mostly keep in touch online) first I was scared of the closeness I felt so I told him I didnt want anything more than just being friends. He said he wasnt ready for relationship either. Didnt really contact me after that.

    THen I felt so bad that I started texting. I also missed him. At first he reciprocated so well that I sort of completely fell for him. And soon ” I was texting ” him all the time. I sort of was obsessed about it. And he is kind of backing off now. I havent spoken to him much in couple of weeks. Twice I pushed him so much that he politely said he is busy with work. I am also guilty of stalking him on social media. I see him active there. That makes me feel he’s just withdrawing. Kind of makes me feel panic.

    He usually doesnt lie. So he could be really busy. But because I know I am needy and clingy I feel he wont get back EVER. I would like to change my needy behaviour for myself. And keep a no contact rule either to win him or move on. But I certainly like to keep him as a friend. He is just too good a friend to lose.

    But how do I wipe off my old image and come off clean and be a good friend and see where we go, it is so difficult the fact we are miles apart… How will let him know that I have changed after no contact period. It is important for me to gain him as friend first and then leave it up to him if I would be his girlfriend.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 24, 2017 at 10:46 pm

      HI Julia,

      are you trying the advice above?

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    Kristine

    August 19, 2017 at 8:01 pm

    I love this article! I recently started seeing a guy for only about a month, we saw eachother a lot probably 8 dates in a month, and we ended up having sex. Before the sex I told him I only hookup with guys that I’m in a relationship with and he said you are my girlfriend. His effort went way down after sex. He tried to see me twice after that but both times very late night and I said no. Then basically wouldn’t hear from him for days at a time and he said he was focused on work. I saw him hanging out with this other girl (via Facebook) while he ignored me for 2 days. When I called him out on it he told me that I’m too clingy and that he has female friends and that I’m not his girlfriend so he can do what he wants. I texted him a bunch telling him I was hurt and felt used and it was messed up of him to lie to me and he never responded. I posted something on Facebook that I guess bothered him and he Unfriended me and hasn’t responded at all, what should I do

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 6:53 pm

      HI Kristine,

      looks like all he wants is sex and he’s onto the next one now.. move on from him.

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    Kayla

    July 28, 2017 at 12:24 am

    Hello,

    First off thank you so much for these articles, they’re very helpful and I appreciate the explanations! And now to the point…

    I am almost a successfully divorced 42 year old mom who dated my next door neighbor (I know…I know) who is 10 years younger (doh!) for a few months. At first it started off pretty awesome and innocent too – he’d text me, come over for a few minutes to give me hugs and kisses (I established a no PDA rule in front of the kids from the get go), take me to dinner, make dinner and bring it over and even drop off flowers. He was sweet, easy to get along with and it appeared he really liked me. About the second month into it we slept with each other and then shit hit the fan with the divorce as well as my job and I started to get a little insecure. At first I didn’t want to tell him what was going on because I didn’t know how he would react. He knew I was having problems and encouraged me to trust him which I did, eventually telling him everything.

    We hadn’t established a relationship yet and I asked him what he wanted from me and he said he just wanted to “go with the flow” whatever that meant. Then in my confusion I told him I wasn’t really in the right frame of mind for a relationship but that I didn’t want to have sex with him if he’s going to have sex with other girls because I’m not like that. I also told him that I liked him and still want to see him and hang out. I was just kind of messed up and didn’t want to rely on him entirely for my happiness which I felt I was doing. He said he totally understands, he’s not having sex with anyone else and he’s glad we’re on the same page. He still kept in contact with me, although just one liner text messages and only came over when I asked him to. He was there for me when my kids went with their dad for a month (I was a basket case) and even asked me to come over to hang out with him and his roommates and brother.

    Well, I was invited to go to Mexico for 5 days with my friend Julio who is like a brother to me. It was last minute but I felt I needed a vacation from the craziness of my life. I’d known Julio for 20 years, never dated him and we’d traveled together before. Heck, I even lived with his brother and mom when I was in Costa Rica and I know his wife. I told Alex (the neighbor) because I’m not the type of person who keeps secrets. He said “OK” and said to come home safely, then gave me a hug and kiss the day before I left.

    Alex texted me once in Mexico then I texted him back and then…nothing. I texted him the day before I left Mexico but again…nothing. It’s been over 2 weeks since I’ve been back and he knows I’m back. Plus my friend saw him and usually he says hi to her but he ignored her too. I feel confused. He isn’t my boyfriend so I feel like I don’t really owe him anything and I didn’t do anything wrong. I feel bad that he just stopped talking to me and I feel a little angry too, like I didn’t deserve this. Any advice or any articles I can read would be awesome. Thank you for listening!

    1. Avatar

      Kayla

      July 31, 2017 at 5:50 pm

      Thank you! The last time we spoke was July 7 so I have 8 more days yah? And what do you mean by posting? He doesn’t have social media and yes I’ve been working on a much better version of me. I just miss him and feel kind of bad.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 1, 2017 at 3:45 pm

      Even if he was not active, your posts as your indirect way of showing improvements.. So extend for two more weeks before initiating

    3. Avatar

      Kayla

      July 31, 2017 at 6:25 am

      Nope, he doesn’t know. He didn’t ask.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 31, 2017 at 4:56 pm

      He probably thinks you’re in a relatioship or going to with Julio..so he stepped back.. Your first mistake is sleeping with him.. So you’re friends with benefits with him and now he probably thinks you are with julio too..but dont explain that to him now.. Start the no contact rule first for at least 30 days..be active in improving yourself and in posting..take this as a restart and then slowly rebuild rapport after

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 31, 2017 at 5:28 am

      Hi Kayla,

      does he know the kind of friendship you have with Julio?

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    Maria

    July 5, 2017 at 10:51 am

    HI…i came across this website. I am with this guy for 5 months now. I am normally very in control of myself and very self secured. Suddenly I became this jealous person and insecure person. The reason is my boyfriend is very famous among girls and where ever we go there will always be girls hanging on him and kissing him. One day I got out of hand and throw my toys because he don’t introduce me to them and also don’t show we in a relationship although we together. I said things I did not mean like killing myself such stupid words. Then everything change in our relationship. He distracted himself emotionally but wee still together. Now because of that he don’t kiss and hug me and I have to deal with his friends who he don’t mind kissing and hugging in front of me. He knows I don’t like it. I started feeling rejected and it make me worse. I love him so much. We fight a lot but he still comes to me almost every night. There is no intimate or cuddles between us. He will still hold me when we sleep. I am loosing myself. He told me that he feel like running because of my behavior. What must I do to wake him up and get control of myself again.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 6:30 pm

      Hi Maria,

      Do you want to try the advice above?

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    Mellisa

    June 30, 2017 at 8:50 am

    Hi Amor,
    Can you tell me what should I do? So, I’ve been together with this guy for 4 months. He never asked me to be exclusive, we’re just kinda seeing each other. We went of 4 dates and been talking on phone and texts everyday for about 2 months. He came off very strong and said he liked me and stuff but gonna wait before it was official because we never known each other before. The last couple of months was terrible. He started to cancel the dates, he kept being busy because of work and family stuff. He said so, he needed time to resolve things at work and home. I got it, actually. But I told him, him disappearing like this, I can’t be tolerant to that. He said sorry and asked for time to fix this. Still, no change for him so I became clingy onto him and kept the conversation to be emotional and he kept avoiding it. I once become a text gnat all day until he replied to my texts and he was being angry of why I overreacted in such small matters. (him not replying to my texts is small matter to him).

    I basically initiated all the contacts for the last couple of months and I couldn’t keep doing it. I was frustrated and he never wanted to talk about it. He said he still wanted to work for us but that was just words, no action, and he wanted me to not smothered him with long texts if he didn’t reply. He asked me not to text him with those emotional messages anymore. He had enough and tired with that kinda conversation. I was very angry and told him I need to walk out of the relationship and need time for myself. and he agreed. what was that??

    what do you think I should do? Is the NC for 30 days? He never asked me to be his girlfriend, so I dont know if we were exes or not. The chemistry was still there, but he just seemed to keep losing interest. Looking forward for your advice. Thanks before!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 30, 2017 at 5:00 pm

      Yeah I think you should do at least.. You told me him you xant be tolerant, but your actions said another… If you really dont tolerate his actions, why are you still there?

  14. Avatar

    Marcy

    June 17, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    Hello, Ive hit a roadblock all of a sudden. NC finished a long time ago and after NC ended, our closeness has deteriorated A LOT. For the past few weeks ive been talking to my ex as a friend but its so hard to build up rapport and its even harder because we dont see each other in real life anymore. He also seems very reluctant to meet up so i really dont know what to do. How can i get him to warm up to me and what do i do to gain attraction? Even being an UG doesnt seem to help. Im losing hope.

    1. Avatar

      Marcy

      June 22, 2017 at 11:37 am

      Basically I got fit and tried to dress nicer, and Ive been posting on social media very actively and putting on a more confident and happy facade. Mostly our topics are about either school or our shared hobby. Occasionally we would have a deeper sharing session about our insecurities and stuff. Our conversations dont really end, just one of us falls asleep first and would reply the next morning. We’ve been talking consistently since mid-May but there is little to no progress.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 23, 2017 at 8:05 pm

      those are good but what about new things or activities? Shared hobbies are good topics but do you have new ones about that is interesting for him? You need to end the conversation at high note too or in cliff hanger style. Do you also do the push pull theory?

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 19, 2017 at 6:58 pm

      how are you being a ug? what are the topics you use, how do you end the conversation, how long have you been building rapport?

  15. Avatar

    Al

    June 13, 2017 at 5:16 pm

    Hey,
    So my ex of 4 years broke up with me 3 months ago, we have been in contact for the most part since, but recently decided just to do the no contact, on day 6 today. To give more background, he lives less than 5 minutes away and is around areas I conveniently have gone to for years. I’ve tried to avoid going around his area, but found myself in a store nearby last night. When driving home, I decided to take the shortcut that goes by his street, knowing I could possibly see him, I still drove down it. I started to panic when I saw his car parked there and kept my speed going as I noticed he was in it as I was driving by. I’m not sure if he saw me but as I drove by all I could think to do was lightly wave and keep driving. HOLY HELL, I want to be back with him so bad, but I think I f**ked it all up by deciding to drive down his street and him potentially, most likely seeing me. I didn’t text or call him afterwards and neither did he, I just went straight home and tried to keep my mind off of things, telling myself he didn’t see me, even though I feel like he did. I don’t know what to do other than continue to do no contact and avoid that area as much as possible like the plague. What if he did see me?! Did I just blow my chances of getting him back completely? I shouldn’t have even driven down that way, and can’t believe my horrible timing! Any other advice on what I should do? Please help!

    1. Avatar

      Al

      June 13, 2017 at 5:24 pm

      Also just to say, since the break up, I had been engaging in clingy behaviors that now, in hindsight, I can see them coming off as desperate, UUUUUGH! Total moment of weakness and bad decision with driving down that street last night. I think it was the universe telling me to avoid him at all costs for as long as I can or at least until my no contact is over. Should I just restart my no contact or make it longer? It’s hard to not beat myself up over my stupid decision, but am willing to do what ever it takes to make up for this, even if it means being out of contact, I know I need to give my myself time to heal, I just hope I didn’t completely blow my chances…

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 3:51 pm

      you have to restart nc but you dont have to make it longer

  16. Avatar

    Ann-Kathrin

    June 8, 2017 at 1:21 pm

    Hello Armor,

    i met a guy online, we have been talking back and forth for about two weeks before we met up. The date we went on were really great , we kissed and we both agreed on that we had a really great connection.
    we talked the next day and wanted to meet up again during the next week . Unfortunetly i was clingy and came off to strong via texting . He told me that we rather should not meet again since he felt pressured and he said that our communication were unrelaxed..

    i tried to convince him to give us an other shoot but he did not answer so far..
    what can i do ?? i want to see him again and date him since we have such a great chemistry ..

    should i do no contact and then contact him or just let him go `?

    1. Avatar

      Ann-Kathrin

      June 27, 2017 at 9:05 pm

      He has not replied to me…
      I dont know what to do. is there anything that i can do to make him Open up again?
      I dont know what to do

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2017 at 1:21 pm

      If he doesn’t want to get back with you, he really will not reply to that.. That’s chasing..

    3. Avatar

      Ann-Kathrin

      June 26, 2017 at 2:43 pm

      i did contact him, i told him i was sorry and that i would like to make a restart..since we all do mistakes sometimes..
      he did not reply yet… i dont know what to do anymore..it seems hopeless, but yet i dont think that i screwed up so bad , why isnt he even responding to me? maybe i should just move on ?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 11, 2017 at 2:19 pm

      rest just a week before slowly building rapport again instead of doing nc

  17. Avatar

    Ann-Kathrin

    June 8, 2017 at 8:13 am

    Hello

    i met a guy online, we met up and we connected really well. He even kissed me and we both said that we had a really great connection. We wanted to meet up again but i became clingy because he was busy at the weekend and i did not know.. i kind of behaved clingy and that is why he cancelled our date and told me that he felt pressured by me wanting and expecting so much since we only met once… i said sorry that i acted clingy and told him that i never had such great instant connection with anyone so far that i just met.. i want to see him again but now i dont dare to contact him again.. what can i do to get him to meet up with me and that start all over ?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 11, 2017 at 2:19 pm

      rest just a week before slowly building rapport again instead of doing nc

  18. Avatar

    Jane

    May 16, 2017 at 4:44 am

    I’m going through so many mixed emotions and I really need advice please. I had a great guy in my life for about three years on and off. One of our main problems were due to my insecurities and the fact that I always doubted him and thought he was cheating on me. I have trust issues because I was previously cheated on. It got to a point where he couldn’t take it anymore and left me. I had been through his phone once without him knowing, but then he caught me the last time with his phone in my hand, he said it broke his heart when he see saw me. This lead to our final break up two weeks ago. He said he couldn’t take it anymore being with someone who is controlling and constantly on his watch. I love him and I miss him and I feel so guilty. We immediately cut contact; he didn’t even read my last message to him. I’ve been thinking about apologising for my behaviour and everything I’ve done. I’m also seeing a psychoanalyst for my problems, he said I shouldn’t apologise. Can you please help? My heart is in a million pieces. Will he ever forgive me and speak to me again?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 17, 2017 at 6:43 pm

      Hi Jane,

      that’s good that you’re in therapy, are you going to do the advice above?

  19. Avatar

    maddie

    May 8, 2017 at 9:18 am

    At times, mostly i asked my bf to share to me. Sometimes i went quiet for a while, when i got jealous of one of his female friends but i always shared my feelings without argument. Yet he always got angry at me. He also liked to send message to my male friends to stop commenting on my photos on facebook or asked me to delete them… I never complained about his behaviours. However, one day, I could not stand of one of my friends who tried to get closer to him. I sent her message that I would delete her from my facebook. I havent talked to him yet or accused him of doing anything. I didnt plan to ask either of them to stop their friendship. It was first time, I did that kind of act. Next thing I knew he got mad because she reported it to him. He didnt ask for my explanation. He broke off our relationship. Was my jealousy too bad or fatal? That was the first time. He blocked me and already has new gf after few days of our break up. I miss him and i dont know why I still love him even though he was telling bad words to me and he has moved on. I dont know what should I do. He was in rush to have new gf which was his other friend. He quickly told me he had new gf so I should move on.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 11, 2017 at 3:21 pm

      it’s a grass is greener case..follow the advice above, do at least 30 days and check the link below:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

  20. Avatar

    Rose

    April 27, 2017 at 4:26 pm

    Hi!

    I met a guy last year and we dated for 2 months. People( including most of his friends) told him that I was a catch and not to screw things up with me. We got into a big fight and he told me not to contact him again. I didn’t and he only barely reached out to me. I understood it was because of his pride but I didn’t reach out either because of my ego as well.

    After a few months we met again and got back together. I tried to be the perfect gf this time, but felt like he wasn’t putting in the same effort and decided to end it after three months. I never told him why because I didn’t want to fight anymore.

    We haven’t spoken in a few months. It’s just him liking some of my photos on social media. He avoids speeding time with our mutual friends and therefore seeing me. I decided to go NC. I am working on myself because I am aware that we were both toxic to each other. He is the player type and I won’t take any of his bullshit. He said that besides me he hadn’t had anything serious in the three years since he broke up with his long term gf.

    Although he never told me that, I believe he really loved her but for some complicated, yet stupid reason, he cheated on her and only regreted losing her a while after they broke up.

    I want him back but at the same time I don’t because I am afraid that things won’t work again and that I will end up like his last serious gf who I never met but I think she was a great girl.
    I think that I have controlling and clingy tendencies, but I always tried to keep them in check. Plus, I am a busy person so I don’t really have time to be clingy.
    Sometimes he complained that I wanted to talk to him every day and other times he complained that I don’t call him enough and that I don’t give him enough attention. I am confused. Should two people in a relationship talk every day? My friens talk every day to their bf so I believe this is the norm. This may sound like I am emotionally constipated, but please bear with me.

    So my questions are:

    How can I make him want me again and ask me out( preferably without being obvious and desperate about it because then he will think that I will accept his BS)?

    How can I get rid of these problems in this relationship, and if he doesn’t want to try again, how can I make sure that I won’t encounter the same problems in the future in another relationship?

    PS. I have some insecurities just like everyone else, but I am working very hard on them and on myself. I always felt pressured in our relationship to be perfect, even if he never asked much ofe because I was already a perfectionist and wanting to grow for myself.

    Thank you.

    1. Avatar

      Diana

      May 9, 2017 at 3:51 am

      My boyfriend/ex (confused as to what to call him right now) and I fell in love very quickly. It was very deep, very emotional and very passionate. We moved in together very quickly. I was 28 and he was 38. We went ring shopping after 3 months, he purchased a diamond and all was going well. Him being slightly older, he has quite a dating past. prior to me he dated a lot but hadn’t had a relationship for over three years. He was engaged to the previous girl and I felt slightly insecure about this even though it was in the past. I know how much he loves me but instead of embracing the positive, I just put him down about his past because of my own insecurities. We spent the past year and half fighting over absolute rubbish and a few weeks ago after a wine fuelled fight he made me move out. I have been to see a psychologist because I know the only reason we were fighting was over stupid insecurities and i have been working hard to change these behavioural patterns.

      We have slowly been spending time together but as soon as we get close he backs off. He keeps saying that he tried for over a year and every time i said i would stop these fights, i would start them again. He says he feels as though our relationship has been run to the ground. He still texts me daily, calls me baby and tells me he loves me.

      Is there any hope or way of me being able to fix this relationship and to prove to him things will be different? I am beyond confused and devastated

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 11, 2017 at 5:03 pm

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

    3. Avatar

      Rose

      April 30, 2017 at 11:55 am

      Thank you!

      Also, I am 20 years old and he is 18, so I thought age might be a factor, but I guess you’re right and I should move on, which is what I am doing.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 30, 2017 at 8:13 am

      You can’t force somebody to change, because you can’t control others. That’s why we need to have standards. If they don’t fit in, you walk away. What you allow, is what you get. Focus in healing and improving yourself for now.

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