How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Were Clingy

794 thoughts on “Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy”

Michelle

July 25, 2019 at 4:10 am

Hi! This article made me feel like I shouldn’t lose hope after all.
So I will be brief about my situation. My boyfriend and I haven’t broken up yet but we are at the threshold now. We have been dating since a year and things started to change after we completed one year. I should state that it all started with me becoming insecure day by day. Earlier I never believed that he could get attracted to anyone else while he is with me and suddenly that perception changed. While he confirmed that he wasn’t into anyone else, I still fought with him over issues that bothered me for two months straight.
He joined his family business three days back and he has suddenly changed. He said he prioritize his career now and he won’t be able to give me much of his time and I completely understand that. But he says that my insecurity and nagging has taken a huge toll on our relationship and though he still loves me, he is not able to handle me anymore. Tbh, I understand that as well. He has started telling me that if he falls out of love, I shouldn’t make a huge scene at the time of breakup.
I have totally realized my mistake and I really don’t want to lose him because he is the best thing I have ever come across in my life. I am trying to work on my clinginess but I would really like to know if I should adopt the no contact rule in my case. Because he still texts me out of the random and I want to know if no contact will worsen my situation or help me sort my relationship, give him the space he needs and help me be back to my former self. Thanks in a advance!
Sher

February 1, 2019 at 2:10 am

I met a man online, I was a little too available from the get go… everything was good for about 6 weeks then everyonce he left town I bombard him with I miss you’s. About 2.5 months in I asked him where we were at relationship wise as he seemed to be pulling away and wouldn’t claim me past dating. He told me to chill out. I continued to serial text and brought the conversation up the following weekend asking if I should soooo trying. He got angry and basically breadcrummed me the following 6 weeks and canceled all of our scheduled dates. We got to the point the last 2 days that he gave me single word responses. I told him I was stepping away because my life was chaotic and I needed to recover from my case of needy-as-f-itis. My situation is/ was chaotic and full of drama as i sort many family members, i said i need to sort my life out. I proceeded with no contact for 5 weeks then met with him to get some things from home depot because he offered to do work on my house. I asked if he wanted to do lunch and he said yes, and bought it. While we talked i pointed out how im de-drama-ing my life. We talked for an hour and ended with a hug. I offered to hang out over summer… and then i text him the day after for info regarding something we talked about to get business details after a few texts back and forth he stopped responding. Im back to no contact. I feel so worried, I really want to repair this. Help!
Madison

January 10, 2019 at 7:06 am

This was the most helpful and hopeful article I have ever read, I actually just sat here and read the whole thing. Thank you for your wonderful advice, I will take all of these claims into account.

Chris Seiter

January 11, 2019 at 12:47 am

Hi Madison….thanks for such an enthusiastic response! You ought to pick up my epic 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO”! Tons of content and ideas there.

Lucy

November 15, 2018 at 4:36 pm

Hello,
I feel like i really messed up a lot and i could really use some advice.
I was dating a guy for one and a half month. We knew each other ten days before he asked me to be his girlfriend. After another 4 days he told me that he loved me. I told him we should slow down and give the relationship some time. he told me several times that he loved me and i could tell by his facial expression that he at least has a lot of feelings for me. Lately I’ve been extremely clingy and it made me sad when he hung out with a girl. I was also shadowing him (which i didn’t even realize until I’ve read this article). Two days ago i woke up in the middle of the night and noticed that he was still awake. I didn’t think much of it but asked him the next morning about it. He said he’s been thinking about us. He doesn’t feel like there are many feelings left, sometimes he doesnt even want to hang out with me but still does. He never showed any signs that he was annoyed by my clinginess, he still treated me like he cared a lot about me. So it felt like this came completely out of the blue. I aksed if he wants to break up, he didn’t exactly say yes but it was pretty obvious what he wanted. He told me he never really loved me, he just told me that because he thought that he could make himself believe that. He cried while he told me all that and said that we’ll meet again. At the end he kissed me even though i told him that he doesnt have to do that if he doesnt want to. during the whole relationship i could tell that he genuinely had feelings for me, the way he texted me, the way he looked at me and the way he treated me were all indicating that.
Now i really want him back, i just don’t really know if the no contact rule is going to help there due to the length of the relationship. my plan was to give him a week and then message him asking how hes doing. I’m just not sure if that’s the right approach.
I really hope you can give me some advice.
Ashtyn

October 3, 2018 at 2:09 pm

Hi! I could really use your help. I met this guy at a restaurant we work at together. We hit it off immediately. We first just started hooking up and hanging out. I told him from the very beginning that I wasn’t just going to hook up with him and not try to build something. He agreed and said that he really liked me and wanted to date me. He cut off every single girl the moment we started talking and he never left my side. I mean, never. He spent the night at my house or I would stay at his every single night until the day he left me. We kept doing this for about 3 weeks and then he decided he wanted me to be his girlfriend. He was drunk when he said this so I made sure to talk to him about it when he was sober. He said he meant it. Then 2 days later he nicely said that we just weren’t ready because we hadn’t known each other for long. Mostly this was influenced by the people we work with. He did this exact thing 3 more times until finally the third stuck and he went around saying I was officially his girlfriend. An incident then happened 2 days later. He was drunk at the restaurant we work at and called me telling me to come there and chill with him. While on my way there he called me and said he was leaving. I was super confused and told him to just wait. I got there and he was gone. The other workers started making up rumors saying I was crazy and following him. The obviously didn’t know he told me to come. The next day he couldn’t remember what had actually happened and just agreed with them saying I was crazy. I gave him some space and didn’t say anything to him even though I heard rumors about him dumping me. He eventually texted me asking to come over to talk. He came over and we talked and he dumped me. He said that I was too crazy for him. I didn’t know what to do. So I came up with the only thing I could in order to keep him. I told him I was cool with us breaking up but that we should still be friends with benefits. He agreed and slept with me that night. After that we still hung out every single day. At first I could tell it was just an agreement but then he started getting those feelings back. He started cuddling me, cooking with me, dancing with me, staying the night, going out to movies, etc. I thought I was finally winning him back. Then out of nowhere he texted me saying we were completely done hooking up. It destroyed me. We got into a little argument and I just let it go. We worked together the next day and I just kept a smile on my face and ignored him. He texted me once talking about my sweatpants and how he couldn’t find them. I tried to keep it brief but he kept trying to talk about the other night too. I was taking my moms advice and showing him the “i dont care attitude” hoping it would work. He continues to follow me on social media, liking my pictures and watching what I do but he still doesn’t want to be with me. What do I do? I really like him. Please help me!

Chris Seiter

October 5, 2018 at 2:37 am

Hi Ashtyn!

Some guys just kinda retreat when the start feeling an attachment and loss of some freedom. That have to figure out what is important even if its staring them in the face. I think you would benefit from having a sensible ex recovery plan. That is what my site is about. If you have not already, go to my home page and check out some of the books, tools, and resources I have there to help you improve your chances.

KK

October 3, 2018 at 9:15 am

Hi 🙂
Hoping to get some advise in my situation, as I’m so lost I don’t know what to do…

So I’ve met a guy over the internet, we’ve been talking for 4 months, we started off well, and the texting ratio was 1:1. In the last month or so I developed more feelings for him, so I texted more, and he seemed like he took a step back, and texting ratio is almost 1:3. I asked if he’s seeing someone else, and he apologized and said he’s just been very busy, and not planning to date anyone… after a while, he told me he’s dating me… though he said it’s just dating, it’s nothing very serious, but he’d like to see how far we can go, as he felt like I’m a very interesting person to be with.

The less he texted the more I got scared.So last month I went cray cray and bombarded him with messages, telling him how insecure I felt etc. The first time he was alright with it, and he says he understands that we are in a very difficult situation, as we have never met, but we have connected (we won’t be meeting any time soon as we are in two different countries)… he comfort me and apologized again, saying that he didn’t have much time to text me as much as he used to… I was good for 2 days then I lashed out at him about my insecurities again the second time. This time he didn’t reply me until 3 days later, with just a smiley face and a good night…

After that I waited a few days trying to strike a casual conversation with him, again it takes him 2-3 days to response. When he response though, he would be like how he used to be, very detail, not just short yes/no/emoji reply. We talked and flirted, just when I thought we would back to normal again, he never text back like how he used to… waited for another 2 days and I strike another conversation with him… still waiting for his response…

I’m not sure if I should just completely not contact him for a while, or just act as if nothing happen and keep texting him? I really would want to be able to hold onto what we have now until the day we meet up, and see if we are actually compatible or now…

Would really appreciate some feedback… feeling I’m gonna have a mental break down soon…

Chris Seiter

October 5, 2018 at 2:46 am

Hi KK….no, I don’t think No contact is the right medicine here. Just pull back a bit…taking it slow.

Fleur

August 17, 2018 at 8:05 am

Trying out my luck here. Met this guy on a work trip in June for a while. Hit it off. I left the city and returned home. He kept telling me how he’s in love with me for a month and he can’t stop thinking about me. Fast forwarding everything, I met him again one month after our first meet-up. Spent 4 days together, he asked me to be his girlfriend on the first evening and I rejected, said I needed time. He made breakfast in bed the next two mornings, took great care of me and brought me out to meet all his friends. We had a great time together and he was always holding my hand wherever we go. I had to come home after the 4 days. And I think that’s when I started my ‘clingy’ behaviour. He slowed down the chase and was communicative but wasn’t as hyped as before. I got insecure and started asking him questions about our distance and the relationship etc. Someone from the past came back and dropped me a text. I told him. He got jealous and told me to go back to that old flame cause he has too much stress in his life right now–which of course I didn’t. He then asked me why I want the both of us to be in a relationship and I was dumbfounded cause he was the one who asked for it!

Fast-forwarding a lot of texts (text terrorist!) from me and a call, he asked for space and time to fix himself cause he really has a lot in his life, and said I was pushing him away with my insecurity questions. So I did, left him alone for three days and texted him to apologise (non-emotional at all) about my bad behaviour. He was monotonous and very cold in his response–I could sense he didn’t want to strike up a conversation. The day after next, I asked him if he wants to work things out. He said with everything that’s going on in his life, he cannot keep up with having a relationship right now. We had a talk subsequently, he said he got evicted recently, had to move, and there’s movement at work that’s causing him a lot of stress. He told me he’d like us to still be friends, and who knows what will happen in the future. But he said just not now, he can’t be in a relationship with anyone now. Said if he doesn’t care about me, he wouldn’t have called me and will ignore and block my texts/calls. I said we both need time to figure out what we really wanted and he sounded a little upset. I said whether or not I wait for him is solely up to me but told him I really want someone who’s 100% in. I told him I understand he doesn’t want a relationship now and will respect his wishes.

I’m starting the NC rule on him here. I figure both of us need space/time to ourselves. What are the chances of the both of us working it out eventually Chris? I really like him and think we’ll be so good together.

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2018 at 1:45 pm

Hi Fleur!

I like your phrase….text terrorist! No worries….most all of us fall into that same trap. Its kind of wired into our psyche when we feel rejected. Clearly, NC is the right move and it will increase your chances. But also having a solid game plan, so go to my website home page and check out some of the resources and tools I offer (ebooks, coaching services, Private Facebook Support Group)! I think you have a good heart and you are going to land on your feet!

Winnie

July 28, 2018 at 4:15 am

Hi, I’m currently very desperate because now he totally didn’t text me back. I loves your article, after read this, it’s gave me so much inspiration and i really need self improvement, basically more for myself, i think i really lost myself because fall deeper on him. I should practice out this 4 pillars. Thank you!!!

Chris Seiter

July 28, 2018 at 4:44 am

Hi Winnie!

Feel free to explore my ebooks, podcasts, and ebook as there are a lot of strategies and tactics you can employ both for yourself and your owngoing recovery as well as how to proceed with your ex recovery plan.

Rose

May 8, 2018 at 6:54 pm

Chris,

I made the clingy mistake!

Through out our relationship I wasn’t too bad but towards the end I felt him pulling away and got CLINGY. I mean even worse, I kind of alternated between clingy and withdrawn when I hadn’t seen him. He has a new job and was taken away for work a lot. He was going out loads drinking with his new colleagues and he was sick so I was quite vocal in how I didn’t think he should drink, suggesting date night on the night they would normally go out etc. I mean I was looking out for him but I realise now that should have been his choice and I should have supported him going out if that’s what he decided.

Then we broke up and my god did I text him a lot for a few days. Then I stopped but then he would do something that sent me back again so I called him a couple of times. I went into NC and lasted 3 weeks until he became friends with his girl colleagues sister on FB and 2 days ago I sent a long hurt message saying he lied basically when he broke up with me because he just wanted to be on his own. He didn’t reply.

The whole time I had suspected something between him and his new colleague. I won’t go into details but there are reasons for it which strongly point to something between them at least but I don’t think he cheated. They met only 4-6 weeks before our breakup started and she loves going out drinking with him and he told me that. I know going out drinking is important to him and he hated that we disagreed on it.

What can I do? Can I fix it even though another girl is potentially on the scene (they may not be anything but could be. Definitely they’ll be going out together, hopefully a group of them).

Chris Seiter

May 9, 2018 at 3:10 am

Hi Rose…I think you should employ No Contact, but mostly for yourself. Allow yourself time to heal and focus on those goals that are important to you. There ar many things you can do to help your through this recovery stage. Perhaps at the end of your No Contact period, you may have a different view about whether you want him back. Also consider picking one of my ebooks…either “No Contact Rule Book” which is an epic book that deals with all aspects of the No Contact Rule and how you can use it to not only improve your chances of getting your ex back, but help yourself. The other resource you can take a look at is my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”….it is more of a comprehensive Companion Guide on all things related to breakups and how to optimize your chances. Don’t be too hard on yourself about being cling. Look, all of us make plenty of mistakes in relationships. The key is to learn from them and pass them forward in our lives.

Eva

April 20, 2018 at 3:57 pm

I made such big mistakes. I just got him back on speeking terms and made him angry. Didn’t listen to his warning to end the talk because he got uncomfy. apologised and he said he needs soace. he calked and wanted to clear. And what did I? reached out again and then complained he didn’t react the way I did. That he wasn’t interested (he wasn’t clearly) and that I talk to someone who is interested. He go so so angry and vindictive in the call…called me mosnter and he has no interest any more why I don’t get that. he texted me he he regrets to be with me it was a mistake, he was never happy (he wasnt really but that was the LDR and his fault of not coping with emotions)just wanted sex and get out and he now doesn’t keep his heart only for me. He even hurt me by telling me he cheated (he once went to a dating portal and I found out) and seems to laugh at me.he told me to frack off and blocked me completely.
I mean does he really want to get rid of me so badly?Were my mistakes so bad? and I mean I also don’t want to get so humiliated!!

Chris Seiter

April 20, 2018 at 4:40 pm

Hi there Eva. remember, everyone…I mean everyone makes tons of mistakes when it comes to relationships. Give yourself a break….the past is over. Start a clean slate and focus on the future. He said some cruel things, so that reveals a lot about him. Now you know. Look, you should check out my Private Facebook Support Group. There are about 1400 women that are part of it and they have gone through all sorts of things involving breakups. You can read about it at website Menu/Products link.
Eva

April 20, 2018 at 5:15 pm

Hello Chris. I Wanted to join the facebook group but my card cannot be processed. maybe you can help me with a solution.because I want to join
Chris Seiter

April 20, 2018 at 9:11 pm

Let me look into it, Eva.

Lisa Barnes

March 3, 2018 at 7:42 pm

Years ago before I married I was dating a guy and enjoying the relationship. We had met at church, and he always came and sat by me, and we would go out afterward. One night he came in and sat behind me. I was heartbroken and a bit angry that he would break up in such a rude manner, when he should have explained why and explained in PRIVATE, because I felt that the whole church noticed. Later when I tried to get an explanation, he would say something lame like “My mind is a blank” or some other nonsensical “reason.” I feel that if people cannot have open communication, that is a serious flaw! And when someone breaks up, they should have the integrity to do it face to face and in private. Ultimately, I lost a LOT of respect for this man, who I viewed as a coward after I recovered. I had also been dumped by someone before him, so after this incident, I began to hate men in general. I was nice and sweet to men I knew, but VERY cautious. I must have put up some magical “wall of protection,” because it seems men came out of the woodwork interested in me. But I never totally trusted again, feeling that men just wanted to play games and were not trustworthy!
Pamm Smith

February 6, 2018 at 2:17 pm

My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago, but sadly we stated in contact and I feel it might be too late for the 30 rule, because he mentioned 2 days ago my insecurities is the reason why I wanted to break up. We work together, so I’m trying my best to avoid him now. And I haven’t talk to him since then. I honestly think it’s too late for us, but I did realise i forgot who I was while in the relationship. Now I’m just trying to find myself again.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2018 at 12:17 pm

Hi Pamm,

check this one:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

Sophia Morgan

February 6, 2018 at 12:02 pm

Hi…I was really controlling during the past few months of our (distance) relationship and invaded his privacy and didn’t give him space when he asked. He has blocked me and told me it’s over and he doesn’t love me anymore but that’s not true because he was making plans for the future 3 weeks ago and has been up and down about this for the past 3 weeks while we were on a “break.” I kept messing the break up and contacting him. He couldn’t even look me in the eyes when he broke up with me. I told him I don’t want to see him when he comes and gets his stuff but I would like to leave an apology note with it for him. I am implementing the no contact because I really want him back, but I feel like if he gets the apology note it will help during the no contact period. Please help me write an apology note for him! I need help. I want him back more than anything in the world he is the love of my life. I’m a broke college student so I can’t really afford any sessions I just really need your help!!! Also what does it mean if he’s turned his friends and family against me ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2018 at 12:08 pm

Hi Sophia,

don’t give an apology note. You would look like you’re chasing him..

justgotdumped

December 18, 2017 at 8:54 am

I have been dating this guy for 3 months. We moved pretty fast (sleepovers half of the week) for the first month. And then he started asking me to move in around the 2-month mark. Finally, at about month 3 I agreed to move in. Things were going well, although I realize I may have been clingy. I’ve been cheated on so I was always insecure and scared that he would like other girls. I also complained a lot that he hung out with his friends instead of me. Also that he didn’t text me enough. I feel like the clinginess problems didn’t show up fully until we moved in together though.

One night, after drinking too much, I got sad and needy and yelled at him a lot. The day after he said we should to take a step back and I should move out. I moved out a few days later. Then a few days later he said he’d be willing to try again. And 2 days later (last time we spoke), I asked him about our status and if we could see other people. He said yes and so I said we might as well break up. In between that and the drunk night, I apologized multiple times saying sorry for being clingy and that I didn’t know I was (kinda embarrassing).

I’m not sure if he’s already seeing someone new and I don’t plan on contacting him at all. Also I’ve deleted him on social media.
Sammie

November 8, 2017 at 10:13 am

I can honestly identify with more than one of the clingy behaviors. I was in a LDR with my ex for 10 months. We met in the same city, then due to job relocation we were LD for 5 months. We communicated everyday and not once had a serious argument. LD just came so naturally easy for us. I understood he had a busy life so I was very understanding about our time together. After reading this article I can look back and realize how ‘clingy’ I had become. There came a point where I had upset him and said he would be “too busy to visit me.” During that time he was off for the weekend and I didn’t get much of his time. And he had told me stuff like that kills him. He actually apologized for the silent treatment he gave me and I apologized for the expectations I was throwing at him, but after that he started to become more distant, less affectionate, and started purposely ignoring me. Naturally, I started to press further which now I can see pushed him way. My last straw was when I heard a rumor that my ex was texting another girl he used to sleep with before we met. I immediately reacted!! I called at least 20 times and kept messaging him. My impatience ended the relationship and I never even got an answer from him about the rumor nor the breakup voicemail I left him 🙁 It has been a week since the breakup. I have not tried contacting him except for a drunk “I’m sorry” text. Obviously I am too embarrassed to even contact him. And after reading this article I’m worried that there is no hope for me. I did not beg him to take me back. Once the breakup was said I let him be. We loved each other and missed each other dearly before my insecurities hit me. I want to believe that by me doing NC I can still have a chance at getting him back. I tried so hard not to be the clingy girlfriend with insecurities, Little did I know I was slowly starting to become one.
amber

November 7, 2017 at 12:32 am

Hello
I really need some advice. my boyfriend and I haven’t always had the best relationship as we were on and off for about a year. There was always his ex gf that would kind of pop back into his life and now that I look back on it he seemed to gravitate towards her when we would start arguing a lot. To make a long story short as of august he asked me to be his girl like officially. we never officially dated because he told me that when he makes a woman his gf that means a lot to him and if he doesnt feel like he can commit to me he wont take that extra step. WEll he finally did and everything was great even though we had basically been together for a year. We were spending basically everyday together, practically living together. And then of course my anger issues started to become a problem again. I would nag at him for small things, for things that I shouldn’t be nagging at him for. I was mad at him for something, either when I woke up or went to bed. Never really got over our past and how he hurt me. He would sneak to talk to his ex and hide his phone from me in the past especially when we werent getting along that well. I never really gave myself that time to heal, we always just jumped right back in after a month or two of being away from eachother. This time though he grew much, mentally he was strong and I could tell he really wanted to be with me. He wasn’t texting his ex he wasnt talking to her he didnt have any lock on his phone and I had full access. He showed me everyday he loved me, showered me with kisses and hugs and sometimes I wouldn’t even want the kiss or hug. He would always call me beautiful and check on me throughout the day and would d anything for me. I mean everything that I wanted out of a man for the most part. I just couldn’t seem to get over the past and he broke up with me. The first time was mid September and said my attitude was too much and I needed to stop being such a nag and just be more calm. we got back together wthin the same week after promising him I would do better. Of course that didn’t last long and mid October he broke up with me again. At first he told me that if I changed my attitude things would work out for us and it doesn’t end here. And he just kept saying he needed space. For a few days after the break up we kept communication with eachother and almost felt like we were going to get back together but he just wasn’t quite there all the way. Well there was a more personal issue that occurred during our break up that I fabricated a little bit because I was desparate and im sure that’s what really made him upset. He went from ignoring me and then would text me to stop calling him and take our pic down on fb. He blocked me on facebook but wont black my number on his phone. He wont pick up he wont text back. NOTHING. I got so desperate I texted him off a different number and he responded with who is this and of course once he found out it was me his response was “ok nobody is going to reply now” or something along those lines. I really love this man. Our relationship didn’t start off as the typical fairy tale but we love eachother. we are best friends. I know I need to give him space stop calling and texting. I really am trying trust me I am but this issue I have with being in control is what just makes all that go out the window. I mean ive even started counseling and everything and I feel a significant change. I honestly feel like that ive called him so much now that hes just done. Sometimes ill call three or 4 times in a row and other days I wont call at all. I know hes still mad but this is something that I haven’t experienced with him. We have broken up before but because of him and him wanting to explore whatever with his ex. and now that he finally got over that and wanted to just be with me, I completely messed up. I hurt him really bad he doesn’t even want to talk to me or anything. What am I supposed to do? I feel like I lost him forever Please help

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 8, 2017 at 5:51 pm

HI Amber,

do you want to try the no contact rule and the advice above ?

Tracy

November 6, 2017 at 11:33 am

May I also add that me and my ex get on like a house on fire and get on really well. I think that is why we hit it off so well. However I feel like my clinginess and neediness has pushed him away. I was never jealous as I trust him 100% and still do however I can be controlling in ways that things need to be done a certain way which I know now can be annoying esp when I stayed in HIS house. My mum recommends me to give him his space and be patient. She always thinks a lot of my ex and would like to see us both work it out.

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2017 at 8:25 pm

HI Tracy,

restart nc, do at least 30 days and take it slow after that.. don’t sleep with him again..

Tracy

November 6, 2017 at 11:24 am

Hi Amor,

I met my ex-boyfriend on an online dating site 18 months ago. He is 30 and I am 28. We broke up 4 weeks ago after a silly argument and said he wanted to be on his own and didn’t have any interest in talking to any other woman bar me. He also said he wanted to be friends. I already agreed (before finding this website). I did NC for around 1.5/2 weeks. But he contacted me regarding shared bills we have. Before our breakup we had been spending a lot of time together and I was staying at his place the majority of the week. We never did date night or even spent time with our own friends. He has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship which was not good one! They were always fighting and were on and off over a 10 year period. He was single for a little over a year before meeting me. I may also add I am someone who treats him a lot and I can’t help but get him little things etc. He doesn’t have a lot of money after he pays child support, rent and other bills. But I think subconsciously I have made him feel bad or not good enough because he can’t treat me the way I do with him. After we broke-up we did end up sleeping with each other a week later one last time as I told him it will not happen again if he only wanted to be friends and he can’t have his cake and eat it too. He did mention previously in regards to our contact that if we didn’t talk for a few days to not freak out which I agreed was fine but he texts me every day at some stage asking what am I doing etc. We attended a concert last week that we both still wanted to go on and he has asked me to stay and go to work from his house the next day (usual routine when I stayed). I was surprised he asked me this and it made sense trying to get home together after the concert would be easier. I thought everything was going great and we ended up sleeping together after the concert and the next day everything seemed fine after I returned to his from work. We had a takeaway, I showered and then I went home. I noticed he still has the photo of him and I as his lock screen on his iPhone and our holiday photos on his house keys and in around his house and also still has me as his gf on Facebook. I had moved everything out when we fell out a month ago. He continued to txt me each day but feel he is still being very distant towards me but however he would send me sexual/flirty message late at night. I don’t know if he is being hot and cold with me or he still doesn’t know want he wants. My ex is someone who doesn’t talk about his feelings and feels he can never get the right words out. I did end up seeing him on a few nights ago and we had a takeaway and chilled out but he was on his phone a lot (he never has it out of his hand each day anyway). I has asked him I hope he didn’t ask me to stay earlier in the week just to get into bed with me because I think he would think more of me than that and he said he didn’t do that and did it because he wanted to see me. I had told him I am going to my friends baby sons christening and was on looking for something new to wear to which he wanted to see my options. I don’t know if he is giving me mixed signals. His mum texts me every day asking how we are and if I am seeing him and doesn’t understand what’s up with him or what he wants. She is as confused as I am. Could you assist me in anyway with some advice? I know my post is EXTREMELY long but I wanted to give as much information as possible.
Marie

September 3, 2017 at 2:23 am

Hello,
A year ago I started dating a guy for about a month and he then broke up with me because he said he could not get over his ex girl friend. She actually called him one day last September and he told me he can’t say no to her and broke it off with me. Well, they only lasted a month before their relationship fell apart again. He then contacted me this past March and pursued me for about 2 months and I finally gave in to him. I even stopped dating another guy I was seeing at the time. Well, after about a month of dating again, we had sex for the first time and I came over every Friday and Saturday in the beginning. Then he wanted me to come over on Thursdays too, then spend the night on Sunday nights. This went on for about 6 more weeks ( 4 days a week at his house). So this past weekend starting on Friday, he acted different like not snuggling with me. Even acted that way Saturday. And then all of sudden he woke up this last Sunday morning and was in a bad mood. Treated me horrible all morning until around 1:30 pm. I kept asking him what was wrong. Anyway, I got mad and left suddenly because of his treatment of me. I didn’t talk to him the rest of the day and then I texted him the next morning telling him that I don’t understand why he doesn’t realize how bad he treated me the day before. He fired back saying that he wanted his yesterday and then proceeded to tell me that he just wanted to be by himself for awhile and that he’s sorry but he doesn’t know how to treat people and that I deserve better than him and that he wanted us to remain friends. I don’t know where this is coming from because it came out of the blue. I feel like I should have known that maybe I was smothering him, but I didn’t realize it because he was the one who would tell me that he wanted me to stay over. He is also impotent and I think he always felt pressure to perform. He even joked and said he couldn’t keep up with me and that I was a nympho. He did get erections with medicine, but they are very expensive. Anyway, after he told me he just wanted to be by himself for awhile, he then said he would bring my things to me as soon as he could, which he did the next day. It’s been a week now and I have barely heard from him. Now this man even told me 3 weeks ago that he was falling in love with me more and more each day. I can’t for the life of me think what could have happened since he always went everywhere with me and acted like he was happy with me. Even told me so about 3 weeks ago. I don’t get it and I am devastated. Why did he change overnight? Did he take it hard because I walked on him Sunday and didn’t speak to him the next morning perhaps? I don’t know. I’m at a complete loss. I am begging for some good advice please. What is wrong with this guy or is it me. Did I miss something?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 3, 2017 at 8:56 pm

Hi Marie,

check this one:
Why Does My Ex Boyfriend Want to Be Friends With Me?

Julia

August 23, 2017 at 2:51 pm

Hi Amor,

I see you’ve replied all of the comments. So I thought I would ask you a question as well.

I come from a broken family. I lost my mom at a very young age. Dad was very negligent. My older sister who brought me up was extremely controlling. So I have a dozen of insecurities and I am needy and clingy. Even in friendships. Somehow my friends just put up with me and reassure me. And over a period of time I learn to trust them. I even go to a therapist for PTSD and depression. If this is not enough I had an extremely verbally and sexually abusive relationship in the past for two years which I eventually broke off. But scars remains pretty much the same.

For several years my first break up I refused to meet any man. then my friend introduced me to this guy who is like few years younger than me. I was okay because I had thing against dating younger men. So I thought we’ll just be friends but before long we were talking way too much. (he lives in LA so we mostly keep in touch online) first I was scared of the closeness I felt so I told him I didnt want anything more than just being friends. He said he wasnt ready for relationship either. Didnt really contact me after that.

THen I felt so bad that I started texting. I also missed him. At first he reciprocated so well that I sort of completely fell for him. And soon ” I was texting ” him all the time. I sort of was obsessed about it. And he is kind of backing off now. I havent spoken to him much in couple of weeks. Twice I pushed him so much that he politely said he is busy with work. I am also guilty of stalking him on social media. I see him active there. That makes me feel he’s just withdrawing. Kind of makes me feel panic.

He usually doesnt lie. So he could be really busy. But because I know I am needy and clingy I feel he wont get back EVER. I would like to change my needy behaviour for myself. And keep a no contact rule either to win him or move on. But I certainly like to keep him as a friend. He is just too good a friend to lose.

But how do I wipe off my old image and come off clean and be a good friend and see where we go, it is so difficult the fact we are miles apart… How will let him know that I have changed after no contact period. It is important for me to gain him as friend first and then leave it up to him if I would be his girlfriend.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 24, 2017 at 10:46 pm

HI Julia,

are you trying the advice above?

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