By Chris Seiter

Updated on August 11th, 2021

If you are scanning the internet looking for good reasons to get back with your ex then you just landed on the perfect article.

You see, I’m not a fan of the fluffy pieces that my peers will often put together.

The last thing you probably want to read is another article with identical reasons to everyone else.

I figured we could do something different today.

So, instead of having me just go on and on about why this is a good reason, or that is a good reason I’m going to base my reasons on reality.

I’m going to take 5 of my favorite success stories on this site and look at their reasoning for wanting to get back with their exes.

5 Good Reasons To Get Back With Your Ex

Below I have compiled a list, based on success stories that I’ve personally helped to create a list of the best reasons to get back with your ex,

  1. You’ve never experienced chemistry like this before
  2. Your ex got cold feet for a dumb reason
  3. One of you wanted therapy but not because anything was wrong
  4. Your ex broke up with you because of they can’t take the distance anymore.
  5. Your ex dates someone new and wants to come back

What I’d like to do is go down the list, show you proof of the success story and talk a little bit about the reasoning behind why the person wanted their ex back.

Let’s dive in!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

1. You’ve Never Experienced Chemistry Like This Before

It’s always interesting talking to coaching clients on the phone. At some point I’ll usually ask them,

So, why do you want your ex back?

It’s a pretty basic question but it never ceases to amaze me how many men and women get stumped by it.

I often imagine they want to reach through the phone and strangle me while yelling,


Usually there’s this awkward silence where they don’t know what to say and I’ll have to extend the olive branch and say,

“Just tell me the first thing that pops into your head.”

I get a lot of interesting answers at this point,

  • I love them more than I’ve loved anyone
  • We’re perfect for each other
  • The sex was amazing

The list goes on and on.

But without a doubt the number one thing I’ll hear will be,

“I’ve never felt chemistry like this before.”

But what does this mean?

Hearing For An Actual Success Story

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

A few years ago one of my former team members received this reply in the comments section of this website,

Don’t be alarmed if the website looks completely different to the current version.

(We’ve had quite a few redesigns.)

As you can see “Jellybean” as the commenter so elegantly named herself mentions how she got her ex back.

What isn’t mentioned was how she went on and on about how she had never had chemistry with a guy like this before.

  • How she had never felt the feelings she felt with this one guy
  • How they practically did everything together
  • And how they loved all of the same things
  • And felt they were a perfect match for each other (never mind the breakup)

So, according to Jellybean this is what chemistry is defined as.

2. Your Ex Got Cold Feet For A Dumb Reason

Commitments have a way of making people run.

Did you know that I am married?

(Sorry Ladies)

Yep, I moved across the country to be with my wife and left everyone I’ve ever known to be with her.

It was pretty romantic…

But despite it’s romanticism it took me a while to adjust. I wouldn’t say I got cold feet but facing the fact that this was a big commitment kinda shook me.

Now, we never broke up or anything like that but I remember there being a little friction at the beginning.

Here’s my point.

People react in all sorts of interesting ways when big commitments are involved.

And one of those ways is they can get cold feet and bail on a relationship.

A Success Story Where Cold Feet Actually Happened

One of my all time favorite success stories occurred a few years ago in the comments section of this website,

I know…

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

I know…

The website looks different because we’ve had a few redesigns since then but it’s the substance that matters.

Anyways, the thing that sticks out with this success story is that her ex broke up with her as they were engaged.

Basically he got cold feet and bailed.

But this isn’t something that I’ve seen just this one time and never again. I’ve seen this hundreds of times literally!

And sometimes it doesn’t have anything to do with a huge commitment like marriage.

Sometimes it can be something much smaller.

In a few moments I am going to talk about a reason where a breakup occurred because of a micro commitment where one partner wanted the other to go to therapy together.

Actually, let’s just talk about that now.

3. One Person Wanted Therapy And The Other One Didn’t


Therapy has so many negative connotations behind it.

When someone says to us,

“Hey you should go see a therapist.”

Chances are that we are going to get offended. It’s almost as if they are saying we have a problem and we need to see someone to fix it.

But in reality there are a lot of people that go to therapy just to talk.

It’s almost as casual to them as going to the dentist.

That was certainly the case for Jessy!

A Success Story With Therapeutic Undertones!

So, here’s the deal.

I was combing through my support email one day and happened to be stopped in my tracks as a woman named Jessy reached out to me and told me that she had used my website and book to win her ex back.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Not only that but now she was married to him.

So… she basically got him back, they got hitched and they lived happily ever after.

After some prodding/begging I convinced her to come onto my podcast and YouTube channel to tell her story.

Here’s what went down.

She had been married before and didn’t want history to repeat itself. So, rather than jumping into a situation like that she decided to ask her boyfriend if he’d be comfortable going to therapy to talk through things.

Her intention wasn’t to say that anything was wrong with their relationship but she felt like going to a therapist would be an ideal step if they were going to take things to the next level.

Of course, her boyfriend didn’t exactly see it that way.

And so, a breakup occurred.

However, in an interesting twist it was she who broke up with him. Of course, she immediately regretted that decision which led her to my website.

So, the morale of the story?

Asking your ex to go to therapy which causes a breakup is a good reason to want to get back together!

4. They Broke Up With You Because They Can’t Take The Distance Anymore

On Ex Boyfriend Recovery we deal with a lot of situations involving long distance relationships. Typically they play out the following way.

Boy meets girl…

Girl lives a long distance away…

Boy breaks up with girl because of said distance…

Girl finds Ex Boyfriend Recovery!

In fact, this was how I became introduced to my partner in crime Anna Gonowon (see coaches section.)

Anna ended up finding my website because her fiancé had called it quits with her and she was determined to get him back. Oh, and I feel it might be relevant to mention here that the two of them were in a long distance relationship and the distance certainly played a factor in the breakup.

Now, in the online space there are a lot of people you can follow when it comes to breakups.

Everyone is looking to vie for your attention.

So, what was it that drew Anna to me?

Well, to put simply, it was my work in describing the idea of misattribution of emotions,

After she saw that she immediately stopped listening to everyone else and came over to listen to me. She integrated into our Facebook Group and started working on getting her ex back.

Eventually this happened,

Here’s my point.

Her entire purpose for getting her ex back was because she felt he didn’t give the relationship a fair shot due to the distance.

Hence, it’s a good reason to want to get your ex back.

5. Your Ex Dates Someone New And Wants To Come Back

This is where things start to get very controversial.

It sounds weird to have me say that having your ex leave you for someone is a good reason to take them back but all I ask is that you approach this concept with an open mind.

What’s that famous quote?

Do you believe the line “If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.”

I always hated that quote to be honest with you but in some rare cases it’s kind of true.

Consider for a moment the human condition. We are wired to always want “the bigger better deal.”

And the interdependence theory teaches us that we are constantly on the lookout for a better alternative to the current relationship we are in.

So, close your eyes and imagine something for me for a moment.

You think everything is going fine in your relationship with your ex but they are constantly looking for someone better.

They are plagued by this belief that they could do better than you.

I’ve written about the grass is greener syndrome quite a bit throughout the years.

And it’s definitely at work here.

The thing you have to understand about it is that sometimes the grass is greener on the other side and sometimes it’s not.

I’m going to be zoning in and focusing on the cases where it’s not.

A Case Where The Grass Wasn’t Greener On The Other Side

Read this,

This was a girl in our Facebook Group that we helped after her breakup. You’ll notice that she mentions the fact that after they broke up her ex found a new girl.

“A Rebound”

Now, I’ve made my thoughts on rebounds pretty clear throughout the years.

And it does seem like that’s exactly what happened here.

It’s best to view relationships as ever changing things. They never stay the same. There is always something impacting them and causing them to change.

Consider the honeymoon period.

This magical time where your partner can do no wrong and the world is full of candy canes and lollipops.

Some people get lulled into this idea that, that is how their relationship should always be.

But coming off the high of the honeymoon period is inevitable and if a breakup occurs because of that you might expect there to be some type of a rebound.

But sometimes you’ll find that when your ex goes over to the rebound the exact same thing happens to that person and it forces them to realize the mistake they made by leaving you.

Are There More “Right” Reasons To Get Back With An Ex?

So, those are the top 5 reasons I’ve found based on actual data to want an ex back.

I’m sure there are more though.

I often leave room for improvement on my articles so I can go back later and update them.

If you think you have a worthy reason to add to the list above please let me know in the comments.

I do my best to answer all of you!

Sources and Citations

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12 thoughts on “Reasons To Get Back With Your Ex”

  1. Cara

    April 26, 2018 at 3:09 pm

    Hi, I have not seen my ex for 2 years and our only connection is facebook to which he has not like or commented on anything for almost 2 years but I KNOW he has me on FB notification and logs in right away whenever I post anything. It’s like we have this non-verbal communication understanding on FB. Last year though he did send me an apology text (which I thought was a huge deal for such a stubborn guy) and that came with a mutual acquaintance who reached out to me a couple of times after his apology to casually inquire if I was dating anyone. My ex and I did have some light texting 4 months ago and he asked me out a few times but then never followed up.
    Here’s my question: In the last year he has posted maybe 2 times, and if he sees me active on FB he jumps off right away. I have been now playing a different strategy on FB and staying off for a day or so or not logging in as frequently and 2 weeks ago I posted a pic that looked like I was on a date. All of a sudden now he’s posting 4-6 times a day and it seems to be strategically timed when I log on. The days I was off for a full day , he posted . His pattern to get my attention its to post song after song back to back. I know this cause he did it when I used no contact on him 2 years ago. My question is….do I like one of his posts the next time or does that give up too much “Control” ? I feel like I’ve done my fair share of “first contact texts” that he ends up asking me out and then the date never happens. BUT he still monitors me for some reason. I don’t think he’s a narcissist. I think he definitely got cold feet and grass is greener syndrome for a bigger commitment. Also, do his strategically timed FB posts mean anything hopeful? What should i do if anything?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 26, 2018 at 9:49 pm

      Hi Cara…yes, I agree. He seems to behaving in ways that are counter to other actions he takes. It is really unclear to me what he truly wants. You have put yourself out there multiple times, but he falls short of following through. That can’t be ignored. Men (women too) do have this penchant to sort to social media stalk their exes. Maybe its time to call a spade a spade. You could keep doing this and just getting confused and frustrated or you could take a risk (not that big a risk really because what do you have to lose!) and just reach out to him and say, “hey, you now you are blowing it with me, if you want “us” to work”. Its kind of a “out there” type of text, with a flair of some drama and a degree of uncertainty about what you meant. A text like that pretty much puts the ball in his court and his response (or non response) would likely reveal what it is you need to know.

    2. Cara

      April 26, 2018 at 10:23 pm

      Thanks Chris. I agree with you, I don’t have much to lose. I dont think I’d say something like that unless he reached out first at this juncture. A couple of guy friends told me he apologized to me to keep me as an “option”. The apology came after I confronted /called out our mutual friend (who set us up) for spying on me for him…which I think he did back then to get me back, but then when we met up he said some hurtful things. We think the got cold feet and said those things to put it back on me. I also knew that he was on a dating site and he would often be active on there while also having FB active, then hop off FB when he sees me showing active. The theory my friends have given me is that he’s comparing me to other girls, apologized to keep me as an option, and is still keeping tabs on me, and doesnt’ know what he wants. It’s so many “games” I am ready to call him out if the opportunity presents itself. The apology really really meant something to me back then and I still wonder why did he bother to apologize. Thank you for your feedback.

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 27, 2018 at 5:27 am

      Well, that theory could be true. In time, you will learn more and that will help you decide if you wish to invest any more emotional energy into this guy.

  2. Lamington

    April 24, 2018 at 11:18 pm

    Oh and he was married before we met, in fact his divorce had only just gone through and he was still reeling from being financially hit where it hurts. So when we found a house together I definitely think he was afraid of it all happening again and of losing out financially .
    He used to tell me he loved me then suddenly he says he doesn’t find me sexually attractive but that he doesn’t know why. I’ve never had any trouble attracting men, all my ex boyfriends have come back after breakups. I’ve been working on myself and dating a little bit. I’m doing well being positive when I message but got a bit upset last week otherwise have done well.
    Thanks Chris and the team, grateful for any advice x

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 25, 2018 at 3:17 am

      Yes…that might be part of it. The past can cause people to hesitate about the future…creating issues around commitment. Just believe in yourself and remember, you have many paths ahead of you no matter how things turn out with this one.

    2. Lamington

      April 30, 2018 at 7:57 pm

      Thanks Chris, I can feel him.pulling away again. He blows hot and cold with me, one minute can’t do enough to help then after we spend time together he seems distant again. It hurts so bad that he messed things up but I’m working on being a better version of myself. I’m hopeless at stepping back from it all but I’m really going to try. I’ve never felt so sure of anyone before, it totally floored me when we broke up.

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 30, 2018 at 9:01 pm

      I am so sorry for your pain, Lamington. You should consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community. It presently consists of about 1500 like minded members (mostly women) and they are very supportive and there is a lot of synergy. I do weekly Facebook lives. You can read about it more at my website menu/Products link. Love is addicting. And when you breakup, you crash, very much like an addict does when the withdraw from their drug. So part of what is going on has to do with the chemicals in your brain. Sticking with your self recovery plan will help a lot in that department.

    4. Lamington

      May 1, 2018 at 2:59 am

      Thanks Chris, I’ll look into that. Would certainly help on those sleepless nights (like tonight!) to be able to reach out to others in the same boat and get some support. This website has been a real help, thank you

    5. Chris Seiter

      May 1, 2018 at 4:58 am

      Yes…I think you will love it Lamington. There is a lot of camaraderie and a bunch of idea sharing. Some of the ladies get to be really close.

  3. Lamington

    April 24, 2018 at 10:41 pm

    We were long distance for over a year before he moved back to be with me. I think the change of country and job and moving in together were too much pressure and he got cold feet and left after four months, actually he told me he didn’t love me and I told him to leave. I begged him to come back but he wouldn’t change his mind. A few weeks later he agreed to go to relationship therapy with me and I really hoped it was working but no – I found out he was messaging other girls. For two months he wouldn’t talk to me. I left him alone for four weeks at a time and then would try again and he eventually responded. Now we’re at a point where we’ve met twice and he seems keen to meet again but I’m not sure how to progress things. He gives me biiig hugs when we’ve met up. Has apologised a hundred times for hurting me. Now replies to my messages straight away but rarely initiates. In fact the only time he did was two weekends ago when I was on a date, I’d told him I couldn’t meet up because I was busy and it’s almost as if he knew I was with someone else…
    Anyway, the point is I love this man, I don’t want anyone else. He must have felt the same way to change his life to be with me but I don’t know how to draw him back. I’m afraid to ask him because if he says no I’ll be devastated again. Do men ever recover from cold feet?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 25, 2018 at 3:10 am

      Hi there! You are there if he wants to pursue you. Avoid chasing him. The dynamics of your interactions should proceed very slowly.He seems to want everything just his way. I am not saying to close of communications, but the dynamics need change so he is chasing after you. And if he is noncommittal about the relationship going foward, then just backoff because it seems the more pressure you apply on him, the more he resists. You deserve to be in a committed exclusive relationship. If he can’t offer you that, then you will want to move on. Don’t be afraid of “No”. If happens, sure it will hurt but not forever and you will be released from all this uncertainty. I hope it doesn’t come to any of this, but think pragmatically and stand for what you know is right for you in the long run.
      By the way, I have a Private Facebook Support Group (1500 women strong!) and it really helps a lot of folks. Go to my website Menu/Products link to learn more about it.