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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
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Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Post categories
Kay
February 19, 2018 at 8:46 am
myself and my boyfriend were doing fine then his ex whom he has a child from slept over and during that weekend he’s ignored me blankly. I’ve got no idea what to do because his actions have me feeling like I was just a rebound since I’ve been dropped so quick the minute she shows up
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 21, 2018 at 11:47 am
Hi Kay,
how long have you been together?
Sara
November 21, 2017 at 6:22 am
Hello,
My bf and I had a long distance relationship for 6 moths, he agreed to have an open relationship. I sarted dating a guy and then thought I might stay abroad 6 months more because I didnt want to go back to school just yet. When I told him he was crushed and started seeing a girl from his office.
After all I changed my mind and came back home early, of course he thinks I wanted to stay because of the other guy and is really hurt. After 3 months of trying (he was putting a lot of barriers to let himself love me and I was super jealous of the girl he dated because they kept being friends and he’s really fund of her) we broke up, I told him I couldn’t live with his half way love. He told me he’s a mess but wants to be the best version of himself so we can be amazingly in love again. Then I started NC (it’s day 10)
Now! I found out he was kissing and holding hands with the girl at a party in front of a lot of people I know… I feel like everything he said was a lie.
I’m confused, I don’t know if she’s a rebound or if they actually have something real which makes it hard to find a way to address it. I don’t know if I should contact him after this month like the girl doesn’t exists.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 23, 2017 at 1:19 am
If you are going initiate you have to act like you don’t know because if you knew it would look like you’re stalking him
Mason
November 19, 2017 at 12:05 am
Hi Amor,
Thanks for the reply. So you’re suggesting i do a one week NC. The problem with this is that im afraid me disappearing for a week or two might allow him to forget about me or think i have moved on hence pushes him to solely focus on the new bf. Thats what im confused and worried about.
At the same time, there’s a section in the article above under “be there” method, in which i should consistently be in a conversation with him. Im just so confused.
Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 20, 2017 at 4:58 am
Yup, you just need a restart with the way you converse with him.. You can still implement the being there method through your posts
Mason
November 18, 2017 at 5:34 am
Hi Amor,
Thanks for your reply. So u suggest going NC for a week. But in the article above, there’s a part under the “be there” method, in which i should consistently have a conversation with my ex to somewhat spark some jealousy in the new bf.
Thats the part i’m confused and worried about. Im worried that disappearing for a week or two would just allow him to forget about me and focus on the new love interest. Or perhaps that one week NC might actually make him miss me? im just so confused.
Help pls
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 20, 2017 at 4:58 am
Yup, you just need a restart with the way you converse with him.. You can still implement the being there method through your posts
Mason
November 18, 2017 at 2:20 am
Hi Chris,
First off, thanks for creating this website, it’s been really helpful.
i need some advice on my ex-boyfriend. We broke up 2 months ago and I think there was another guy involved (we were in a gay relationship). He denied it when we broke up. But for the past 2 months, i’ve discovered signs that they might be together, i’m still not certain though. I do want to get my ex back and ive done NC and ive done the first contact and currently building rapport (short conversations but i never ever get the chance to end it coz right when im about to do it, he stops replying). He does reply positively but he NEVER EVER initiates contact.
I’m just confused as to what i should do from here. Do I do NC again to try to make him miss me or do I just be there, in hopes that his possibly-new bf finds out and then goes crazy on him?
I’d appreciate your advice Chris.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 18, 2017 at 3:14 am
Hi Mason,
rest from initiating for a week if you want to, but you have to be the one ending the conversation at high point next time because that’s better than getting him to initiate.. because ending the conversation yourself at high point helps for him to want to initiate next time.
Lost
October 16, 2017 at 1:08 am
My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. Everything had been going great. We recently moved in together a few months ago and I have been finishing up nursing school. I was accepted to a study abroad program and went to Argentina for 2 weeks. When I came back, my boyfriend set up a brunch with my family and his mom so that we can all celebrate. The next day we had breakfast with my family and then we hung out together for the rest of the day until he had to go to work (graveyard shift). Then suddenly the next morning, he showed up later than usual from work and broke up with me then and there.
He was very confusing about the break up and I tried to fight to work on our relationship but he wouldn’t budge. It wasn’t until I asked him if he wanted to see other people and he said yes, that I accepted the break up and immediately moved out.
I was very confused and heartbroken so I decided to call him this past Thursday and thats when he told me that he has been talking to someone else from work and has already slept with her.
I have been very close to his friends and family and everyone I’ve talked to has been upset about the situation. He does not want to speak to anyone at all about this whole situation and he has even been causing issues at work now that he has been seeing this new girl.
When we broke up he told me that he still loved me but not as much as before.
I’m just so lost at this point. I love him so much and am willing to do whatever I can to work it out.
He broke up with me last year too. But it wasn’t for someone else and he ended up telling me that he completely regretted it. But when I spoke to him last, he told me that he doesn’t feel the same as he did last time.He doesn’t feel like he misses me as much as he did before.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 16, 2017 at 11:15 pm
Hi lost,
Are you going to do the no contact rule? Check this one too:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Madeline
October 11, 2017 at 11:34 pm
My first love of three years dumped me bc he said I was the only thing adding stress to his life. I love an hour away bc of school. I didn’t really see the break up coming until one night he had a huge party as his house and there were 40 girls there. He hid the party from me and didn’t tell me and I freaked out. Later on his birthday weekend comes up and that’s when he dumps me. His 21st I might add. He said if he sees my face that it will ruin his night. He said the relationship was boring and so was the sex and he didn’t want to have to care about someone else but his self anymore. But then at the football game I seee him with the other girl … and come to find out he dumped me for her. He told everyone he just feels like he needs to get things out of his system and he doesn’t want anything serious. They are aparently justnfriends with benefits. It broke my heart. I freaked out and he acted like I didkt exist he swore there was no one else and he lied. I asked her to her face if she was having sexual with him the whole time and she said “yeah I’ve been F**cking him” and I punched her. I never thought he’d dump me for a slut . He dumped me for sex. He said I screwed up and I’m dead to him. Will I ever hear from him again? I always helped him with school and work and paying bills on time . I helped with drs appointments and did everything he asked me too. Will he realize I was worth something one day?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2017 at 6:21 pm
Hi Madeline,
it doesn’t matter if he realizes it or not.. What matters is what you think about yourself. Put more value in yourself for yourself.
jadyn
September 29, 2017 at 3:36 am
this is dumb. you should not have to work to get your ex back if he wants to be with you he will, and if he doesn’t than you deserve better. this website shouldn’t exist.
sarah
September 29, 2017 at 1:40 am
Hi, my boyfriend of 7 months (we’ve been best friends for a total of 3 years) broke up with me primarily because after a fight we had a month ago he closed himself off to me and began confiding in a girl who he is now “emotionally confused” about but basically has feelings for. All the while he was doing physical stuff with me.
Anyway he told me we could be friends and nothing more.
This is destroying me on a lot of levels. Because before he told me about the cheating, he went on about how he didnt know if I’d make a good wife (not super responsible he said; not serious about marriage, etc); i said if he didn’t want to be with me im blocking him; and he said after I told him I was going to block him to leave the phone # open in case he made a mistake or something in leaving me. anyway now he’s told me cheated on me emotionally the past month. my roommates and best friend ended up messaging him telling him never to speak to me ever again for doing this, and he said he won’t. i kinda regret them doing that though because i have this idiotic hope one day he will regret and want to come back but my friends have kinda told him he should never return. what do i do.
note-im 21, he’s 30. and the new girl is 20 (was 19 when they were talking).
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 29, 2017 at 9:00 pm
Hi Sarah,
Do you want to try the advice above? Check this one too:
He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?
Jadyn
September 21, 2017 at 2:15 am
Ok it has been 5 months since we broke up. No contact at all in the last 45 days or so and extremely limited contact in the last 4 months. Not sure if you remember me but I successfully did NC and only contacted him when arranging to exchange our dog. Eventually his new gf decided I wasnt allowed to see our dog anymore and it has been 2 months since then.
They started seeing each other 2 weeks after we broke our 2 year relationship (2 years relationship + 2 year very good friendship+ hes my brothers best friend of LOTS of years). She and him work together.. They have been together officially for about 4 months. He apparently “stays” at her house quite often and all of our shared friends are starting to drift from him because apparently this new girl is extremely crazy and they don’t enjoy their company. I am told they don’t think it will last much longer (I think it will because it has been 4 months and he seems blinded and totally controlled by her). I will be clear tho… I did not ask for any of this information from my mutual friend, she told me without me asking or wanting to know. Within the last 2 weeks my ex’s mom has been trying very hard to keep in touch with me via facebook (commenting on everything I post and liking videos and memes I share).
Over the last 5 months I have done LOTS of soul searching. I’ve lost 45 pounds, made new friends, had a short lasting new relationship, and done lots of fun and exciting things. On top of this I feel like I have improved myself alot, in ways I can’t even explain on here. My confidence is better than it ever has been, I have gotten out of my non-social shell, and my friends and coworkers have noticed that I am a completely new fun me…
Now since my Exs new gf is so controlling and crazy I don’t know how to go about contacting him. My last contact 45 days was through text and was a clean slate text to apologize about fighting over our dog and letting him know I want him to be happy and I wont get in the way of his new relationship, etc. He (well the new gf) has blocked me on snapchat but has kept me on all other social media.
How do I contact him in a way that she will not feel threatened and control/ force him into blocking/ not replying or not talking to me? They work together (she apprentices under him so they are together 247) and he stays at her house most nights so there’s not a “good” time to text him when I know he will reply. These first contact messages on here seem so unnatural and suspicious to me.. plus I tried first contact messages after my first no contact period (before the fight about our dog) and she saw right through it and confronted me even though I didn’t think it was obvious.
Help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2017 at 7:21 pm
If you want, set a limit until when you would wait for him to initiate, if he doesn’t in that time period, move on..
Kat
August 10, 2017 at 2:58 am
My boyfriend told me that he wants to be with the other girl he loves. He wants to still be friends. Is there anything I can do to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 10, 2017 at 4:50 pm
check this one:
My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl
Clarisa
July 24, 2017 at 12:57 am
“All you have to do is engage in a conversation (consistently) with your ex boyfriend.” Is this after implementing No Contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 25, 2017 at 5:04 pm
HI Clarisa,
the being there method and engaging conversation consistently is after the nc period
Kam
July 11, 2017 at 12:21 am
I have known my ex bf for 7 years and dated on and off. The longest we dated each other was 2 years and we were living together for 2 years. 4 months ago he cheated on me with his ex and immediately started dating her and he recently got a place with her. She knew that we were together as well. His best friend told me that my ex believes that she changed and she inspires him. My ex bf best friend and other mutual friends (that were his frineds inotially)spend more time with me instead of my ex because they feel that he’s not making good decisions and the girl he with has too much drama. My ex bf and I met up last week and he told me he wished that the way I am now I was when we was dating. We spent the entire evenong together. My ex appears to be indecisive of who he wants.
My issue I did lose myself and his issue is he was inconsistent with commitment
After the meet I decided the NC. I noticed when he posted a pic of them on fb(they are in a relationship) he hid it from me but others can see, and yet when my ex bf and i was in a relationship he would make our pics public..should i be worried? Ik i sound crazy but I want my bf back..any advice??
I have the texting bible and EBR. I’m 6 days in for NC
Kam
July 27, 2017 at 8:50 pm
Can you please explain what you mean by “let him be” do you mean I should move on from him? Also how is it a good thing that he hid his relationship? Just trying to gain clarity thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 30, 2017 at 5:07 pm
Oh sorry..it means dont be easily fazed with his actions.. It’s a good thing because he might not want to risk losing you if you knew he’s dating
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 14, 2017 at 11:53 am
Just let him be..that’s a good sign if he hides it
Ashly
March 1, 2017 at 10:58 pm
My ex and I are very complicated. We were together for 5 years. I hurt him in the end by not showing him the commitment level he needed. But I never wanted us to end. In fact I want us to be together forever. He got tired of me breaking his heart and broke up with me and instantly started to speak with and possibly start dating another girl. (This is all very recent). What makes it weird is he has been out of town for work this entire time. So we haven’t seen each other in over a month. And this girl he’s talking to has only been over the phone poss. Face time? He is still in contact with me. He still says he loves me and always will but it has to be this way for now. I know he’s confused with what he wants. He’s flying this girl out to see him this weekend. And I’m at a loss as to what to do!! I have been in contact with him the whole time. I haven’t done NC. I did make mistakes (begged, cried etc) but since then we have had cordial talks although I have brought up wanting to be back together. He told me if it’s meant to be it will. He told me he can still see it happen but not now. I feel like if I don’t contact him he will just get closer to this new girl. Please help!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2017 at 11:24 pm
Hi Ashly,
if you keep in contact he won’t?
Kate
February 21, 2017 at 5:21 am
My ex and I spent a few weekends together recently. Physical made future plans. Literally have had a blast togetherAs of a couple weeks ago I learn that he is seeing someone else and that this new girl is his best friends recent ex. Dick move I know. What does this all mean?
Lucky
May 31, 2017 at 10:15 pm
Its exactly the same with me. Please advise what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 1, 2017 at 5:37 pm
hi lucky,
do you want to try the advice above?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 21, 2017 at 11:16 pm
Hi Kate,
he’s single.. more likely he’s exploring his options.
L
February 7, 2017 at 3:27 pm
Ill try not ro make this long but ill try to include all the important details..So this guy -My ex- had something going on with a girl around 2014 ..both liked each other but nevee really got together for some private reason that prevented them from being together “private things between them donnu about it” and then he got into a relationship with another girl and when she founded out she dissapeared for a year “thats 2015″ and then I met him on Late february 2016 and she came back on March 2016..we were friends at the beggining..I started having feelings for him and such and kinda hinted him and made him know about it..so eventually we got together which was at 25th August 2016 and we stayed together…everything was so perfect..and i was so happy with him..and gave him everything i have..even bought him expensive gift”as he says i really dont care how much i spent as long as hes happy” and that seemed to always bother him..we did have one single problem..Id always find out that he went with that girl out..behind my back..but always gave me excuses and id just let it by..until recently..around like 2 weeks ago..found out that they went out..again..and so I bursted out and faught with him..told him i cant do this anymore..and then he confessed…he said that he thought that he never had a chance with her and he gave up the idea that they can ever be together and when I was there hinting him and such he gave us a try and got with me but during our relationship they had a talk and he found out that he had thought about things the wrong way and that she had done things in that year she dissapeared in “2015” that he never ever thought shed done for him “these things are private things between them so he couldnt mention them for me” one of things was that he pretended to be an Asexual so shed not get into any relationships because she was waiting for him and eventually she confessed her feelings for him and that when I guess he had to end things with me but yet he didnt ! until recently where he had to confess everything since I blew up about knowing that he saw her again behind my back but things are kinda weird he said that he wanted to tell me about this long ago but he never had the chance to because everytime he decides to do so I do him something nice that just makes things hard for him as (Telling him I love him…Draw him something hed really really love..make him a touchy video outta nowhere..things like that) or when he sees me he sees me so happy to see him and be with him that he cant bear telling me and hurting my feelings and because he knows if he tells me this im gonna leave him and go and he doesnt want that to happen as he needs me and he wants me to be his friend and that im a very very close person to him and so I did..I cared about his feelings and his troubles and everything and his happiness and decided to be his friends until we went out today and we discussed everything happened and found out that theyve been dating since November !!!! so basically he was in a double relationship i guess but because he didnt know how to end things with me without bad results “his words” He did mention tho and said that “To be fair I really did have feeling for you and I meant it when I told you that I loved you” -Thats ofcourse before she confessed to him and they got together-…He got mad in the end because I said that Im deciding that Im gonna leave and that I cant stay with him anymore and he told me that Im dealing with this like a kid and letting my actions be led by my emotions rather than my brain and that why cant we stay in each others life just because were not in a relationship why does it have to be either were in a relationship or that we cant talk to each other anymore he said that if thats what u think is better to do then Im free to do so but He really doesnt want to cut me off and really wants me to stay friends with him and he did mention that he really loves that girl…And he keeps saying that Im taking this too emotionally because hes my first..and that I shouldnt be sad about this or dwell or be sad and that I should look at this in a positive way and take this as an positive experience because hes not like the other guys..he never used me and he didnt just leave me or blocked me from everywhere that I could not reach him anymore but rather than that hes still here talking to me on daily baises and he still cares about me and so…hes just too naive and shallow to understand how much He means to me he just thinks that this is all because hes my first ugh..anyways its just wierd how could he spend such time with me all these past months ? like he litterally slept with me on the phone every.single.day…we talked on the phone way too long..he calls me once he wakes up and spends most of the day if not all of it with me…he talks to me about his education problems/anxiety/panic attacks way too deeply with me..that sometimes I be like”If hes im love with her..why am I so involved in his life like this ?” sometimes i think that some things just doesnt make sense…please help me 🙁 Do I really have any chances in this ? should I stay his friend…should I leave…should I do the NC..or should I just leave the whole thing..Im really really confused…please help me <\3
L
February 8, 2017 at 1:16 pm
So do I start a 30 day NC and then go back to being best friends but with pretending that I no longer want him as my boyfriend?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2017 at 5:25 pm
For me you should do at least 45 days, and then after that, you can’t just approach like “hey bestfriend”. It’s ok to be friendly but don’t be over the top because he’s in a relationship, he’s going to be protective if he thinks you’re trying to get him back and remember, he hurt you. It’s not normal to be all ok after all that he did. So, slowly build rapport after nc and the most important thing is that you don’t stop improving yourself. So, massively improve yourself during nc, start a new routine, do new things and make new friends, better if you date, and don’t stop that routine while slowly building rapport. Use the advice in the link below too:
EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?
L
February 8, 2017 at 12:52 pm
Noo there were never in relation before..they had feelings for each other but never really got together until now
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2017 at 12:55 pm
ah ok… but it’s still the same girl.. He used other girls to try to get over her but he couldn’t..
L
February 8, 2017 at 12:51 pm
Yes exactly…I still do love him and would like to give it a try…Do you think theres any chance for this to work?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2017 at 1:04 pm
I admit it’s small especially if you don’t change.. Because for him, he knows you’re so hung over him, that you’re crazy about him. You have to change that. Be the ungettable girl for him to have a different perspective of you and to increase the chances of him seeing you as the better option.
L
February 8, 2017 at 4:27 am
But he had 2 other relationships before me…how am u still considered his rebound?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2017 at 12:50 pm
because he still went back to the same girl he’s in a relationship before.
L
February 8, 2017 at 4:25 am
Would it be wrong if i said that i love him and would like to i donnu try giving it a try?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2017 at 12:49 pm
sorry I’m not sure I understood this right. Did you mean you want to say you love him and you still want to give it a try?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2017 at 11:00 pm
Hi l,
so you’re his rebound, and then he cheated on you, and now he’s friendzoning you… take your time first..think about what you really want
Confused
January 22, 2017 at 10:30 am
Hi
My husband of 7 years together 12 left me for another woman. He 50, she is about 46 and a co worker and i am 40. We have a 10 year old daughter
I cant do no contact because of our daughter.
They been living together 6 months now but even so he says to me that their relationship can go either way as she find out he lied to her. So he says he has to work at it and that the relationship has to be worth it. That all the hurt has to be worth it.
To this day he doesnt want to talk divorce might be because she told me they had plan of getting married even so he is telling me she lied on that one. Same with the selling of the house she told me he said he will to which he replied to me as she lied on that one too. That he will never sell house and if she want marriage and a house she can find someone elese?
Now am i silly to think he is not totally commited to her base on that?
Same she think we have no contact even so we have a child together. She thinks he just pick her up and drop her off and never discuss any issues??
Now i am also confuse as he call me is best friend still,that i mean to much to him to let me walk completly away from that so call friendship. That he miss our talk and laugh. That why when he pick up daughter and end up talking he is not telling her.
Same with the texts and calls he lie to her about it saying she will give him a hard time if she find out.
He is hoping, his words, that he can introduce our friendship progessively to her and at a time when he knows his relationship is stable.
I did tell him she wouldn’t understand it and wont accept it. Just because when i met her the only thing she keep saying to me is that him and i should be civil for our daughter sake. Civil is what she keep saying with the selling of the house so them 2 could buy their own and the marriage. Those 3 things are what she keep telling me.
Now if he is to be believe i am to important to him. I am the only person he can confide in. I am his best friend. He cant and wont let me walk away. That his life will be the more emptier if i do. That he is missing me. And the best one!! That if she doesnt accept our friendship,like having coffee or such, well tuff on her that would be pathetic and she can go. Really?
Now please help what all this mean?
I know he lies to her. I know he lied to me too and when confronted he says its because he doesnt want to hurt me and make me believe is life with her is more important or such.
Please help me sort out all this.
I know he might really see me as only his friend but if true why lie to her about such thing. I know if or when she finf out he lied to her again she would flip so why take that risk?
Do you think there is more into it?
Yes i would like my husband back. Or am i just being totally silly.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 23, 2017 at 12:27 pm
Hi Confused,
you can do limited contact.. that means only talking about you child and nothing else..He probably doesn’t tell her you’re talking to each other because he doesn’t want a fight between them..
Words are easy to say but if he’s still with her after 6 months, and you dont see any act or plan of him leaving her, then rely more on the side that you’re just friends..
OneHurtWoman
January 15, 2017 at 6:38 am
My boyfriend of two years left me basically on New Years Day. He said he loves me but fell out of love with me 8 months before. He said he met this new woman and after one conversation said it felt like he has known her for years and apparently after a week or two of knowing this new woman, they sleep over at each others places. He said she is great. He basically blamed me for the breakup. I am very hurt and feel like the rug was pulled from under my feet. Had I know he was unhappy, I would have done everything to save our relationship. Do you think she is a rebound? Is there a chance he will come back? Thanks in advance!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 15, 2017 at 6:29 pm
Hi Onehurtwoman,
nope, she’s a grass is greener case..Check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
W
January 14, 2017 at 3:48 am
I dated my ex for 2.5 years. We had a lot of problems with our personal lives, and we supported each other very well. Although we were very different and argued a lot, we lasted long. He broke up with me saying he didn’t feel happy but still held me in his heart (which I don’t understand because I helped him grow up, I did a lot of things to make him happy and he was very sweet too). A few days after the break up, I see he has a new girlfriend and they seem happy. I haven’t talked to him for over 2 week and I’m planning to go longer. She looks like more his type but I’m confused as to why he moved on so fast.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 14, 2017 at 3:57 pm
Hi W,
looks like grass is greener,,are you going to try the advice above?
Loulou
November 24, 2016 at 3:22 pm
Not sure if this has been posted twice?…..Hey everyone, I posted on this site a while back but I can’t find the thread I was on. So, I’ll start again but keep it brief. My ex and I met through work and he was 14 years younger. I never in a million years thought I’d ever get into something with a 23 year old when I was 38, but one date led to another and when our friends and family were so accepting I was persuaded. He was head over heels and our honeymoon period was amazing. He couldn’t have been more attentive or made me feel more special. 5 months into our relationship my dad died suddenly and he was the best support ever. My mother moved in with us as a temporary thing but a free years down the line was still here, even though she had her own place. We were pregnant just over a year into our relationship and had a scan. He wanted us to have a baby more than anything but I had a miscarriage after 9 weeks. It ruined him but we got through. We had another miscarriage a year later. He didn’t handle it very well. He left not long after but within a couple of weeks he was texting and wanted to come back. Since then he had left 4 times in our 5 year relationship, saying we are on different paths and don’t have the same interests. He’s very active and loves the outdoors, I jump out of planes but that’s about as outdoors as I’ve been in a long time since dad died. Anyway, each time he’s left he’s always initiated contact within a few weeks and after a month or 2 we get back together. Each time he still wants to try for a baby. We split up in May 2016, same reasons as always, he doesn’t see a future for us as we like different things etc. and again within 3-4 weeks he’s saying he’s so low and misses me. So we got back and one night argued when drunk. He goes to a very strange place when drunk, his friends recognize this too. The next morning ( in June 2016) I got up and said I’m leaving. ( he is now 28 and I’m 43). He broke down and said he’d been thinking of propsing in October when we were going away. I stayed. In August he went on his annual canoe club trip to France for 2 weeks , 88 people went. He text every night saying how much he missed and loved me but on the 2nd Wednesday he didn’t text. On the Thursday he text saying the holiday had put thing into perspective and we’d talk when he got home in 2 days. He got home to his own house ( we were living together mostly at mine but he also had his own house) but instead of coming to talk to me he took off on his motorcycle alone for 5 nights. He then came to see me and said its over. He’d found himself when away and we have to split for good this time. He said he loves me as a friend but no longer as a partner, something he’s never said before. He said he hadn’t met anyone else. I found out a few days later from his best friend that he’d met someone on that Wednesday night in France. She is the same age as me but also had 3 kids, twin boys aged 11 and a 6 year old daughter. She is into the same things as him. What I don’t understand is how he could be texting right up to the moment he met her, telling me how he missed me and was looking forward to us going away soon etc. I did 30 days nc and then text saying I was taking my nephew to a monkey sanctuary he volunteers in and jut giving a heads up incase he’s there. He replied straight away saying how it had changed there since I was there last and hoped we’d have a great day. We had a couple of texts back and forth and that was it. Then I text a few weeks later asking if he’d changed a financial thing of mine back to my email account as it was in his name. He replied coldly saying he hadn’t had the chance. I said lets meet for a coffee as I was in a place where I’m ready to be friends. He didn’t reply. Then about 3 weeks later he sent a text, 3 days before my birthday saying he didn’t know if I was going away so wishing me a happy birthday there and then. I replied briefly saying thank you and not going away and planned to go out to watch the rugby. He replied saying he hadn’t seen any of the recent games and how were they going. I replied with smalltalk but he didn’t reply. Then I saw his grandparents in a local shop and talked to his mother on the phone. She said she missed me and would try to call and see me soon. I text him that day to say id seen his grandparents and spoke to his mum and if he’s free let’s go for a motorcycle ride but he didn’t reply. That was over a week ago. Also, he still hasn’t swapped over my fiancé stuff back to my email, after 3 months. What do I do here? I still love him so much but feel like he’s moved o. And it’s too late. Surely a rebound or gigs would have ended by now?? Especially as he is so much younger and she had 3 kids? I have none. Is it time to give up?? Also…… Sorry, I didn’t keep it brief!! But need advice. Feeling so lonely and helpless. I’ve done the whole self improvement and active on Facebook with positive stuff thing. Any advice would be appreciated?? Xxxxx
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 26, 2016 at 1:59 pm
Hi Loulou,
If it’s gigs, it’s less likely that it will end fast because if it’s gigs, that means he sees the other woman better. And I think 30 days was not enough. Yes, it has been 3 months, but there was no restart.. with your recent effort, it looked like you were chasing him. Another nc of 30 or 45 days is not a guarantee and the more you do it, the less the effect. Also, if you’re going to do it, you really have to look like you’ve accepted and that you’re moving on for a restart. With all the back and forth, it looks it would be better to do a longer than usual nc too.