My Ex Boyfriend Dumped Me For Another Girl... What Can I Do?

292 thoughts on “My Ex Boyfriend Dumped Me For Another Girl… What Can I Do?”

Morgan

June 30, 2016 at 7:10 am

Wait, wait, wait…
The way I reduce the attractiveness of the new girlfriend is by talking to my ex? How does that go with the no contact rule?
Here’s another problem: the reason my boyfriend gave me for leaving was not being around enough. I’m going to school and live an hour and a half away. She is unemployed, lives on friends” couches and has all the time I’m the world. How do I compete with that?

Also, he never chases women. Ever. He finds someone he likes and stays with her for years – as long as she can be around 24/7. I was there when his previous girlfriend left him (we’d been friends) and we ended up together. But now he has to stay with parents for a bit, and she is within walking distance, while I’m not.

Also, I was a bit harsh on him over something that really worried me that he couldn’t change right away. I didn’t handle it well, and I believe that was the real reason he “moved on.” I understand now what was wrong on my part, not just his. But how do I get him back?

He missed the girlfriend before me. But he never tried to see her or talk to her. He’s too proud. So even if he misses me, he won’t say or do anything about it. And the longer I wait, the more settled he gets with my replacement. She is extremely jealous–and he finds it adorable, but I don’t think he will for long. So what do I do? Go there and annoy her (without annoying him) or do the “no contact” and let him forget me completely? I appreciate any advice.

Morgan

July 2, 2016 at 10:17 am

Thank you for your response. I guess I should have clarified something–he _wants_ a woman that is around 24/7. He doesn’t like being alone, and he openly admits that. That’s why he is never single. He met the girlfriend before me at a party a few days after he broke up with the previous one, and stayed with her for 5 years. When he and I got together, he was having rough time and I was the only one who didn’t give up on him. Then he went away for 2 years and after he came back, he convinced me to give him another chance. I did, but I was back in school and couldn’t be around as much as he wanted me to.

And yes–I think part of why he likes about the new girl is that she _is_ a bum. Her being unemployed and basically homeless makes him feel better about his own life. He spends on her whatever money he has and is very protective of her. He didn’t do either with me. He seemed to think that getting student loans meant I could pay for everything. He helped me in many other ways, though. And he made me happy. He seemed to enjoy the time we spent together, too.

Then I found out he was seeing the other girl behind my back. I found out right away, they hadn’t been seeing each other for more than two weeks. I confronted him and we had a fight. Then he came to my apartment when I wasn’t there, took some of his stuff, and stopped responding to my calls or texts. And posted the picture of his new girlfriend on Facebook, like 2 days after he left me.

He never even said goodbye or explained anything, so I went a bit overboard with texting. After two weeks and about 400 very long messages I got him to respond–it’s possible if you know what to say. We even exchanged a couple of normal messages, where he told me he “moved on” because I wasn’t spending enough time with him. He said that since school was my priority over him, he’s gonna get out of the way so I could focus on school.

That was a load of bullsh*t. I drove 80 miles and back twice a week, just so we could spend time together. Would I do that if I didn’t care? Even if he really believes it, that wasn’t the real reason.

It wasn’t the school itself, it was me worrying about school. I worry too much about everything, and at the time, I was extremely stressed out because I was taking very hard classes, I’d failed a class before so I really needed to bring up my GPA, and a whole bunch of other stuff went wrong. Some of the things he was doing were worrying me too. And I wasn’t handling it the best way.

So maybe I wasn’t the perfect girlfriend. But I had stood by him when he was doing much worse. His new girlfriend knows absolutely nothing about him–the things he”d been through or why his other exes don’t talk to him. Maybe that”s another part that attracts him: he gets to play a whole new man, that takes care of his homeless girlfriend, who worships him in return.

He is doing everything he’d never done for me. Because she can be there whenever he wants her to be, and I can’t. Or because he gets to play a perfect boyfriend and a knight in a shiny armor. Or because she’s younger and prettier. Maybe all of it. Also, she doesn’t haveto worry about the things she doesn’t know about him, which makes it easier to be “positive.”

To be honest, I suspect she knows a lot more than she lets on–and that she doesn’t care because his family is rich, and she is a gold-digger. In that case, she’s playing an excellent game at being a poor innocent orphan Annie.

I accepted him the way he was, and never expected any material things. I may have given him hard time over his self-destructive habits–and I feel very bad about that now, because me harping on about it really didn’t make anything better. But at least I didn’t run away screaming, or abandon him when he wasn’t doing his best.

My school doesn’t take that much time anymore (that one bad semester was over soon after he left me). I am willing to change the way I handle things, to be more supportive and less critical. And not worry ao much about something going wrong. I can’t make myself as young as the new girlfriend, but I’ve lost weight and I’m improving a few other things. (I know looks matter–they matter to me!). Also, I’m more intelligent than she is, and I’m not a bum. Except the last thing could be a problem: I think he sees himself as a bum, because that’s how his family treats him. So she makes him feel good about himself by being a real bum–and needing him to take care of her.

I can understand that–guys like to be providers. But I don’t know what to do. I haven’t tried to reach him for a week, and I can continue the no contact. Only I don’t know if it’s gonna help with a guy who can’t be alone, gets angry when people leave him, and _wants_ to be chased by women.

It does not annoy him when a woman wants to be around all the time. He loves it–just like he loves being chased!

I’m serious. We’ve broken up before. I left him when he did something really bad, and that happened more than once. You know how I fixed it? By showing up at his house and not going away until he talked to me. It goes against everything they say about guys anywhere, including this site–but he took me back every time.

I didn’t beg. I apologized and explained that it was just a misunderstanding. One time, I had to ask his friends to get him to talk to me–which they did, and we got back together. It happened the other way around, too, when he talked me into giving him another chance. But I can’t do the same thing now, because she is always there.

In some ways, my ex is a very unusual guy. But that’s one of the reasons why I like him. If you think about it, having a boyfriend that _needs_ you to be around all the time is nice. But he might be more of a traditional guy than I realized if this girl could steal him using her “helpless maiden in distress” act and constantly telling him how wonderful he is–like every other day, in public status updates on Facebook.

Another problem is, this hit me a lot harder than I’d expected, and it’s only getting worse. I was better when it just happened, I couldn’t eat or sleep but I was getting things done. Now I just spend a lot of time crying–even when I try to do something fun, anything can remind me of him, and then the waterworks start.

I know I can’t be like that if I want him back. But I don’t know what to do. I’ve made so many mistakes that I drove him away. This girl is being a perfect girlfriend, she is younger, and she has no responsibilities (as she mooching of other people for living) so she can spend all the time with him–just like he wants. So do I even have a chance?

Thank you for your advice. Sorry this message is so long.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 12:18 pm

Hi Morgan,

I think you have to change your mindset first. YOu’re not going to do no contact to make him forget you.. It’s for you to heal and improve.. It’s like you’re telling me that he loves bums..

would you like to be like that or continue to be successful?

Let’s say what he really likes is a girl who has a lot of time because his love language is quality time.. then that means he will eventually get tired of the other girl. I”m not sure when but no man likes a needy girl because she will be a responsibility instead of a partner.

If you have the right standards, don’t lower them..

If the real problem was the time, then that’s what you need to work on when you get back together. but right now, do active nc and improve yourself.

nina

June 5, 2016 at 2:46 pm

help 🙁
my husband and i have been married for 2 years. we known each other for 6 years. we started out as friends, then friends with benifits. i wanted to move on and gave him the choice and then we started out as a couple.
we live in another country and things with work and friends were not always easy for him, especially financially. he very often felt like he had no great success while i was always on the go. we has some issues but never so sever in my opinion. i suggest counceling but he never took advantage of it. last year he hooked up with a girl that fancied him for a long time. they had an emotional affair behind my back for 2 months. he left me then and went to visit his parents, we had NC for 5 weeks. he came back and felt bad. after 2 months he said he couldnt do it anymore he has to explore the feelings with the other girl and left to move into her house. that lastet around 7weeks, she didnt want him to have contact with me, his wife. he left her again and moved to a friends house. he got a job offer now in a different city and moved there. he broke of contact with the other girl but not all the way – social media they are still friends for example. he picked up some of his stuff before he left to move to the other city and spent the night there. i told him if we want to connect again, it can only work out if there isnt a third person in the picture. he is now in the other town, he wants to go to therapy. he says he needs to get back on his feet so he can make a desicion. we have NC now again… he cant decide if he wants to connect again and perhaps save the marraige or friendship of 6 years or if he wants to be with the other girl, romance of 3 months. i am starting to feel really stupid. i have to add, his mom is suffering sever depressions, and i am asking myself as throu his behaviour he might be too and thats why it lead for him to go crazy and is incapable of making a desicion after 6 months…
thanks for your help!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2016 at 5:05 am

Hi Nina,

I think you need to restart no-contact. Is it we need to prove yourself and have your own life so that he will have a clue on what to do on his own life too. So, that you can heal too and maybe have a restart with your relationship.

Help!

April 8, 2016 at 4:54 pm

Hey guys!
I’ve been debating whether to ask about this for a while but it seems that new things occur every week and I just get even more confused
so at the end of Feb (25th) my boyfriend of almost 2 years ended it with me over the phone citing his reasons as university mixed with his depression and my anxiety problems were causing him and me too much stress, he almost broke down in tears stressing that he just couldn’t have a girlfriend, I asked if there was someone else and if it was a specific girl whom I was uncomfortable with and he promised that wasn’t the case,
Well to no surprise my gut instinct was right and they were official within 2 weeks of the break up, she was posting pictures with him while also wearing a jumper that I brought for him and used to wear around his house all of the time which is pretty off to me, and they were doing a lot of things together that me and him used to do, he said to some mutual friends that he was going to come and talk to me in person over the 2 week Easter break but that never happened, I found out that he went to her house, which is over 2 hours away, during the time they were of uni and ended up going back with her to uni a week early so they could spend time together,
Again through mutual friends I have found out that she dumped him on Sunday (3rd of April) but he won’t tell anyone why and I’m guessing they are still friendly as she still has the jumper I mentioned and have been liking some posts from one another, I can’t do much research into this myself as he has blocked me on most forms of social media, minusing Facebook as I blocked him on that first, I just don’t really know what to do, I’m on day 26 from when we last had contact which wasn’t pleasant because I told him I knew about this new relationship and he got defensive straight away, I don’t know if I should wait to see if he contacts me or if I should initiate it myself, but even then I don’t know if my phone number has been blocked or if I’ll even get a response.
Please help

P.S I don’t know if it’s worth mentioning that his last relationship before me resulted in her leaving him for someone, do you think that will play a part in this?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2016 at 8:47 am

Hi,

If he’s into her that means you can only be just friends if you try again.. and he has to see that you’ve moved on so he won’t think you’re chasing him

Emma

March 23, 2016 at 8:59 am

Hi, Chris and team! 🙂

I need help. I am sooo lost.

So let’s keep it short. My boyfriend, after 5 years of an amazing relationship (truly amazing, in any level and form), dumped me for the girl he met on his Master’s Degree, almost two months ago. We fought three times over this girl. She sent him texts like “you’re my angel”, “you’re my life”. He didn’t respond to those texts, but we fought any way. I found these texts on november. Then in december. He told she was “just a friend”. I told him she was after him, and that time would prove me right. I hate that Time really did prove me right. Anyway.

He broke up with me telling me we were fighting too much. And I asked him to come back with me, begging like a stupid girl. Shame on me. After three weeks of asking him to come back, like a crazy ex girlfriend, I found out that started dating this girl TWO weeks after breaking up with me. So of course, I assume he cheated on me, and he left me for her.

The thing is that after that, I went full NC for almost a month. Three weeks and a half. He hasn’t heard a word from me. I blocked him from all my accounts except from WhatsApp. But a week ago he unblocked me from everywhere. He wrote a tweet “I will always be there for you”.

So this monday I contacted him at night, by text.

“I hope you’re ok. I want to know if you could give me your bank account number so I can return the money I owe you”. He immediatly answered me, “Hi, Emma. There’s no need. There’s no debt”. I told him that I wanted to. I needed to give him his money back. I told him that he shouldn’t worry, I was not going to get in the middle of them. I told him that I was not going to get emotional, I just wanted something very specific. He insisted that I was being silly, I shouldn’t give his money back. So that’s when he started bringing our past.
He told me: “Well then, I will give you back all the stuff you gave to me”. When we used to fought, he always told me that and I always told him to keep it. It was his stuff. So this time I answered “Ok. You can mail the things to me.” He was a little bit shocked, so he responded with a quote from our favorite character: “Stop horsing around. Stop being silly. Don’t talk to me like I’m a machine!” I told him that I was being polite, nothing else. That he should live his life.

Then he said “sock”. He meant a sock I left in his house. The other part of the pair I got it with me. But I mean it’s just A SOCK. Why he would mention A SOCK!?

He told me “Don’t worry about the money, just worry about being ok. You need to be ok. At least you can be ok.” I told him “No. I am ok. You don’t have to worry about me”. He said “Well, I’m worried all the time.” I said that the debt wouldn’t leave me alone, and he said “there’s a lot of things that don’t leave me at peace these days”. I told him “Look. Keep living your life with your new girlfriend, I will live mine. You chose this. You are like you wanted to be” He said to me “I am like I can be.” Not meaning who he is but how he is doing. Shouldn’t he be HAPPY to be with her and without me?!??!?!?!?

“Well, I have to go to sleep” I said “ok”. Nothing else. And ten minutes later he told me “And yes… I do wonder about you all the time”. I posted a song on my Twitter that says “And I hope sometimes you wonder about me”. So I responded with a cold “Stop stalking me”. He told me to have a good night.

That’s it. It was shorter than it looks. I was straight to the point, he was bringing our past back, and telling me he was feeling bad even if I didn’t answer.

I know I shouldn’t want him back. I’m going NC again. He hasn’t talked to me since that night. But I don’t know if he wants me to be ok because he feels guilty, or if he truly feels bad because he lost me. What should I do???? I’m so lost. I do want him back. But I don’t want pity or guilty.

What should I do? Do I have any chances??? THANK YOU FOR ANSWERING ME.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2016 at 2:10 pm

Hi Emma,
sorry for the late reply.. I think there is a chance.. it was just a bad first contact because it’s emotional.. try again after a week

Emma

March 23, 2016 at 7:41 am

Hi, Chris!

At first I didn’t know what I wanted. I always told everyone, specially my ex, how I wouldn’t forgve cheating

We dated for 5 years. In november he started a Master’s Degree where he met this girl. He never cheated. But then he crossed the line. I found texts from her saying how he was her angel and her life. He didn’t respond to those texts. We fought, but we got back together. In december we fought for this girl again. And then in january, even if he told me that I was the love of his life and we will be always together (this January), the 31st he broke up with me. He told me that we were fighting a lot and he didn’t know about our future anymore.

I made a mistake because I felt guilty, so I pursued him during 3 weeks after breaking up. Then I found out that 2 weeks later of he dumping me, he was already with this girl. The girl he always told me was just a friend. Yeah, sure.

So I went full NC during 3 weeks and a half. Almost 4 but I gave in. I’m going to a therapist, I mean. I’m really in love with him.

Last night I broke NC by text. I told him I just wanted to give him his money back, to please send me his bank account so I could put the money. He told me that it wasn’t necessary. He told me to stop talking to him like he was just a machine. I answered that I was being polite, that if I contacted him after all this time, it wasn’t to get in the middle of his new relationship. I told him not to worry. He told me: “stop horsing around. Don’t be silly.” Then I told him that I just wanted to give him his money back, that I needed to be free and my debt wouldn’t leave me at peace. He told me: “there’s a lot of thing that won’t leave alone right now”. Like I was being his demon and he couldn’t forget me. Then he said: “well, then I’ll give you back the stuff you gave me”, and even I always told him to keep that stuff, I said “ok, mail them to me”. I told me “no, I don’t want to. Stop being silly”. After that I told him that I really really wanted to py him, he told that there was no debt to be paid. He told me: “please, just try to be ok. At least you can be ok.” I said: “you are like you wanted to. You wanted this”. He said: “well… Hey I have to go to sleep”. I said OK. And then he told me “and yes… I wonder about you, too”. I told him to stop stalking me. I uploaded a song with the line “and I hope sometimes you wonder about me”. He said “good night”.

He hasn’t talked to me yet. I regret breaking no contact. It didn’t sound like he was too happy right now like I thought, did he? What do I do know. Do I go full NC again?

Please answer. I’m lost! And I want him back. He hasn’t posted anything about her in his fb account. He unblocked me from everywhere. He posted a tweet: “I will always be there for you”.

I don’t want to be friends. I don’t want him talking to me for pity or guilty. He also said: “sock.” I left the other sock at his house but I mean. It’s just a SOCK. Why would he even mention a sock???

What do you recommend me? Do I have chances of being again with him?
Confused

March 16, 2016 at 4:17 pm

I think I have been dumped (6 months ago) for another girl after a long relationship (5+ years). I don’t know when they become official, or if she is his rebound (I havent seen them together and don’t have mutual friends) but I really want to get answers (did he doubted his feelings for me because of her? did he secretly date/contact her during our relationship?). Although I am getting over him, these questions are still bothering me and keep me occupied in my new relationship (I am really insecure/affraid he will too find another girl and ‘lose his feelings for me’ ). Do you think it will be a good idea to ask him (my ex bf) face to face?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 12:10 am

Hi Confused,

If ir’s for closure, ask him.. Do it in a very calm way and avoid being emotional as much as possible

Rawan

March 15, 2016 at 5:59 am

Hi,
I’ve been dating a guy for around 11 months. He just told me today before he met me, he liked another girl, but both of them weren’t sure about each other at that time, and he told me he was still seeing her while he was with me. My boyfriend feels our connection is not very strong, he said maybe we don’t “click” that well, but he’s sexually attracted to me. He told me he is thinking of ending our relationship so he can try with that girl that he liked before. I am not sure how much he was involved with her before I met him or when I was with him. Is there any hope between me and my boyfriend? He said he hasn’t decided yet, and he will let me know. After he told me that on the phone, I didn’t text or call him. I feel very hurt. Please give me some advice. Thank you.

Rawan

March 16, 2016 at 5:08 pm

And for the past 11 months, we’ve been spending the weekends together, and sometimes weekday, and all holidays together. That’s why I was surprised when he told me he was hanging out with another girl too. I feel hurt because he said they were not sure about each other in beginning, so how come he suddenly change and even consider ending the relationship with me to be with her? So I guess I just keep doing no contact unless he contacts me? Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 12:15 am

Hmm..you’re not over nc right? Finish it first and then asses by then if you shoulf initiate or not.. if not, gve yourself a timeline until when you can wait before moving on..
Rawan

March 15, 2016 at 5:52 pm

Do you think there’s any hope in my situation? I am still doing NC, and so far he hasn’t initiated anything.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2016 at 2:25 pm

Yes, but you have to be careful because he has been feeling those feelings for the other in a long time. Be careful that he’s not just choosing you because you’re the easy choice.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 3:18 pm

Hi Rawan,
even though you alsted 11 months, it looks like you are the rebound. For me, you did the right thing of not contacting him after that. Because if you had asked what his decision would be, it would appear that you are chasing him. SO, do nc and then if he doesn’t sincerely say that he wants to talk about that and that he chooses you, don’t respond until the 30 days is done.

Messed up

February 22, 2016 at 12:11 pm

Hey Amor and Chris!
I am in such a dilemma since past few days and I thought I really needed to get an advice as to what I should possibly do right now.
My boyfriend had dumped me last October for another girl and hadn’t even told that he had moved on over me in a proper manner. It was me who had to finally confront him and ask if he had moved on or something like that. Well very unfortunately, I happened to be his long distance girlfriend and the girl he is currently dating belongs to the city where he currently lives 🙁
We had been in contact even after the breakup but neither he or I brought up anything related to the breakup or the relationship. He used to ask me if I am seeing someone new but of course my answer was no( I still love him a lot). I had this thing in my mind that no matter what happens, I won’t play the role of that needy ex who gets in between and causes any kind of problem. January came and with that came my sudden anger cuz I was reminded of the happy times we both had(it was January when we both had got in touch for the very first time). I texted hateful messages to him and told him that he should never ever try to contact me again. He asked me what had happened to me suddenly and I ignored his message ( I just tried ignoring it). I then immediately realized that he had blocked me everywhere.
I did have some other options to contact him but I made sure that I need to finally move on from this guy. I thought it was all fine when suddenly he texted me in the middle of the night that he wants to talk to me,and this happened exactly after 30 days. I couldn’t ignore his messages this time and we ended chatting. He then called me the next day and honestly, I felt whole again after that long conversation. The things he said that day was something that I thought I won’t ever hear again..but I did! Somehow it came out of my mouth that I was a total wreck when he left me and went away..to which he said sorry(for the first time). He then said that he had basically left me cuz of the religion difference, that he thought that our parents won’t agree to our decision to live together forever.. Neither he,nor I follow our respective religions rigorously.. Then he told me that he doesn’t love his present girlfriend. He also mentioned that him and I are the most compatible and that he still wants to be with me. He asked me if I could give him some time to rethink everything. I said yes to this but I have never been more confused. i can’t digest this that after all these months he still wants to give ‘us’ another chance. The fact that he betrayed me alone makes it hard to believe in whatever he has asked of me. I love him and yes I still want this thing to work out but I don’t know if I should rely again on him cuz I simply don’t want to be hurt so bad again. What should I do? Please help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 12:19 pm

Hi Messed up,

Make him work for it now.. dkn’t give in right ahead..it’s ok to interact but make the convos short during the first month.. end the convo in high note and aim to be the ungettable girl.. don’t be rude.. just don’t give your all.. have your own life still

Lara

February 19, 2016 at 5:24 pm

We had been work friends for over a year, but always had a flirty/crush things going on. We finally got together back in June. So I dated this guy for 3 months. Things were going very well. We never fought, we had a great time together. The only complication was that my ex still lived in my house–he needed time to get his shit together to move. This honestly didn’t cause very many problems in my new relationship. Early September, new guy started getting a little flaky. He is KNOWN for being flaky though, so I didn’t take it as a red flag. End of September, out of nowhere he ended things via text message. He offered no explanation as to why. I responded angrily (No, I DO NOT want to be friends, jerk.) but not psychotically, and went in to NC. No texting, no talking, no calling, no begging. I did NC for about 45 days. I was still processing a lot of anger, and didn’t want to attempt contact when I was still so mad. After NC, I texted him “Saw something weird/funny that reminded me of you. Life is strange huh?” He replied almost immediately–“Big step, you texted me.” I said something witty but neutral in response and then tried again “Still, its a funny story.” He said “Have to hear it some time.” So obviously, he wasn’t in to hearing it at the time. Wasn’t even curious about what it could be. So that’s a fail. I tried again a week later. Again, he replied immediately, but it was a one phrase response. He made no attempt to continue the conversation.

Then I left on a vacation for a couple of weeks. When I got back (we work next door to each other) he was suddenly extremely chatty. He had been avoiding me up until that point. He asked about my trip, and said that he has to “stalk” me on social media to see what I’m up to now because I unfriended him. For the next few weeks, he continued this behavior at work. Even intensified it with things that would absolutely be considered “flirting.” (Throwing snow balls, offering cupcakes etc.) But never texted or called, nor attempted to “re friend” me on social media. Despite his apparent disappointment with being exiled.

THEN I found out he is dating his “best friend.” And probably has been since he split with me. In fact, it may have started while he was seeing me. They have been friends for years. She actually lives a couple hours away from here, but apparently comes to town to see him all the time. I’m pretty sure she has been in love with him for years, saw him getting together with me and decided to make a move. It was like being kicked in the gut, and its reopened all my angry feelings. So now, I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m too angry right now to continue chatting with him at work like nothing is wrong. And I feel stupid because I thought that him going out of his way to talk to me at work was a sign that he was becoming interested again. So far, I’ve remained polite, but distant when he talks to me. I’ve done a really good job of keeping my cool, but I don’t know what to do next. What do you think Amor? Should I give up on this?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 7:50 am

Hi Lara,

I’m torn of he wants you back or if he’s stringing you along.. You are closer to him than his current gf, but they have a deeper relationship because they’ve been friends for years but that doesn’t also mean he’s more attracted to her…
But bottomline is, he’s still with her, if he wants to get you back and confesses it, he has to break up with her

Lovely

February 18, 2016 at 3:19 am

I went to the worst possible moment and in the spur of emotions I tried to kiss him. They both teamed up on me. He gave her my number and now they both are on the attack! WHAT DO I DO?!

Lovely

April 11, 2016 at 6:02 pm

Will a relationship like theirs really last? I dont know why my ex, the person I trusted with so many secrets is simply revealing them for a girl to get back at me. It’s like I want him to feel pain and what I had felt when he cheated on me. How does he not feel any guilt?? How can he do even more things to try to hurt me??
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2016 at 9:42 am

That’s a normal feeling.. If you really want to get revenge, be your best self and be happy.. You don’t hurt him directly but if he sees you like that, he will regret leaving you while you, are just being happy and succesful.
Lovely

April 11, 2016 at 12:46 pm

Unfornunately, I’m back after a while. Recently I was on my dads fb looking at my ex’s fb account. And I accidentally clicked it as add as a friend and immediately took it back and blocked him. That same day his best friend tweeted “that girl is poison” then he tweeted “irritated”. Then the most horrific thing happened the next day at work THAT GIRL CAME TO VISIT ME. I wasn’t anywhere close to talking to her so we didn’t say anything but she tweeted” just want to see how you look without a weight on your shoulders”. He gave her my number to text me once, now he gives her my workplace and my typical shifts?! I really don’t know what to do. The past month I’ve been just trying to get rid of the occasional thoughts of him. It’s like I’m feeling depressed because of me being painted as the bad person. Please guide me on what I should do. Im not even trying to get back with him. I just want to be normal again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2016 at 2:27 pm

don’t engage and don’t respond..they’ll get tired and look stupid
Lovely

February 18, 2016 at 5:41 pm

He told her about how the relationship was one sided and that the way her about us she thought it was toxic. I don’t know how she doesn’t even feel guilty about it. She even makes fun of me and my relationship. With a heavy heart I don’t know what the truth is anymore.did he even love me? He tells me one thing and she tells me he only said it for me to feel better? Was the relationship even real or did I just fantasize about it??
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 8:11 am

Their contact with you is toxic.. Don’t engage, step away and if he’s really a proper guy, he won’t disrespect you
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 2:10 pm

That means you have to distance yourself for now

Caroline

February 1, 2016 at 5:08 pm

My Boyfriend of nearly three years, called me two weeks ago and asked for a break. I said okay, but we need to meet face to face so we can figure out exactly how we could handle this. We work together, so I see him nearly everyday. He then proceeded to call me about 5 days after the initial phone call to tell me that he is talking to another girl, and that he has feelings for her,and no longer loves me. However, he keeps calling and texting me, coming up to me at work and trying to hold my hand and says that he still loves me and always will. This girl though, is just off. I googled her (i know creepy) but nothing comes up for her. No facebook, no history, its just too weird. But she added me on all forms of social media then blocked me about an hour later. She is constantly tweeting about how happy she is and is sending my ex weird, sexual gifs. Which if i know him at all, is probably making him very uncomfortable because he doesnt like to use social media in general, especially not in this way. She didnt block me on twitter, not too sure why she didnt, and she kept her page public. He called me crying on friday saying he never meant to hurt me and does not know what he is doing. He said he hopes we can get back together eventually… But with this girl around, i dont know if that will ever happen. I am not too sure how to proceed, if i did try to get him back, would it work? and how can i make this girl feel my presence as she has me blocked on social media? Lastly, if she resembles me, what could that mean? thanks in advance.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 9:58 am

Hi Caroline,

if she resembles you, that only means he has a specific type and you two fit in it. If you get bakc with him, you have to make sure that he cut ties with her

Lovely

January 28, 2016 at 8:12 am

Hello there! My question is actually last time my ex of 3 years I broke up and 3 months of no contact(because he blocked me) led to him contacting me first. This year we broke up, there’s another girl in the picture so do you think it will also be 3ish months of no contact until he contacts me since he blocked me again? Will he regret leaving me for that girl during that time period as I better myself because it seems like she’s a great distraction(rebound) for him(who knows he might like her)?

Lovely

February 18, 2016 at 1:12 am

We met up today and he told me it’s going well between them because they’re getting to know each other. He’s afraid of backtracking rather than moving forward by getting back into a relationship with me. He’s fine with being friends and so I texted him to say thanks for today but I need sometime off before we try to be friends. That girl didn’t want him to drive me home today but in the end he did. And idk why.. Will you please help me figure out what I should do now to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 1:33 pm

If you can, leverage your friendship now, take it slow so you won’t appear a threat to them.. later on if he sees you’re more supportive and he enjoys your company more than hers, he might consoder getting back
Lovely

February 17, 2016 at 11:13 am

Yes he said he would rather meetup with me once to catch up rather than text regularly because he doesn’t want “people” to misunderstand. I don’t know what to do in this case! Do I meet up with him and try to get another date and be friendly or idk???
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 8:51 am

hmm..in a way that’s good.. be friendly first 🙂
Lovely

February 16, 2016 at 1:50 pm

Sos. He replied well to my fort contact text. I didn’t send a very good follow up 2nd text. He thought I wanted to call and talk or talk in person and he was up for it. And I said oh I meant just messaging. And at 3am, he messaged me saying that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep messaging each other because things are new and going well with that girl and he doesn’t want any drama. He said I can update him this one time in person or via messaging but he doesn’t feel the need to constantly look back. WHAT DO I DO?? Do I take the chance and see him in person? How do I get him back in this case when he wont let me make his girlfriend jealous??
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2016 at 6:48 am

you mean he prefers to meet rather than just text?
Lovely

February 9, 2016 at 1:40 pm

After NC will it be okay for me to contact him through an app he hasn’t blocked me on? Or will that be too risky that he might block me on that too?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2016 at 12:50 pm

It can be risky if he hasn’t unblocked you in other apps
Lovely

February 2, 2016 at 3:07 pm

From this article, it says that I should be present to make his new girlfriend jealous. But the problem is he partial blocked me on the major apps he uses. How do I contact him after the NC period in that case? I’m currently 2 weeks in.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 2:17 pm

Then that means you have to wait until he unblocks you..
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 9:48 am

Hi lovely,

If he blocked you again and there’s another girl in the picture, it might take longer for him unblock you and if he’s still checking your social media posts in some other way and you’re posting bad things about him, it can longer again because of that. If you want him to regret leaving you, you need to read this post. How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Regret Letting You Go

R

January 27, 2016 at 7:39 pm

Hi Amor and Chris, I dated a bodybuilder gym guy for a short time, he dumped me by text a few months ago telling me he had gotten involved with someone else. I told him ok no worries and have not contacted him by text since. I went NC for a few weeks after the breakup.
We work out at the same gym so after 3 weeks NC I purposely went to the gym when I knew he would be there to show what he was missing. We ran into each other and he said hello, his face lit up when he saw me and gave me a hug. We had short convo,he acted awkward around me so I said I had to leave. He was with his girlfriend at the gym, but she was in the bathroom when we chatted and he told me he was training her and did not mention it was his girlfriend. I said hi to him a couple weeks after at the gym when he was with his girlfriend and he acted annoyed that I spoke to him.
Anyway since we work out at the same gym, I have seen him on many occasions with his girlfriend and he ignores me and acts like I don’t exist. Since I had gotten cold reactions from him after NC I have ignored him also.
About a month ago, a few different times at the gym he was either hugging or kissing his new girlfriend when we were in the same area. Why do guys do this, it feels pretty hurtful, especially since HE ended things.
Well a couple weeks ago I was on the treadmill and he and his girlfriend walked by, then he walks by to get a paper towel and when walking past me I noticed he looked over at me. Later I moved to a different area of the gym to stretch and I looked up and his girlfriend was looking over in my direction. There were a couple times when I thought I caught him looking at me or glancing in my direction.
For the past couple weeks I have not seen my ex or his girlfriend at the gym and it makes me wonder if they changed gyms or switched times because he is an avid gym goer. I followed the NC and I tried Chris advice about being present to make the new girlfriend insecure and jealous, but I feel like I drove him away. I no longer see him at the gym and I am no closer to getting my guy back. I am not sure what to do now, and I am not sure what to think of his actions or lack of.

R

January 28, 2016 at 4:56 pm

Thanks for your advice Amor. Do you think that by just being present at the gym that I brought them closer together? My goal was to get him to notice me and make her insecure, I felt like I had made some progress 🙁 I’ll try the social media thing, is there anything else I should try? And do you think there is still hope, I can’t really gauge whether he still has feelings for me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 5:04 pm

I think they we’re already close, given that they are together. ‘Cause it can also depend on how their relationship is. If the guy is always following the girl, and the girl is paranoid, then of course he’ll follow what she says but if that’s the case, he will eventually get tired with that.
If she’s a nice girl, and he just doesn’t want her to get hurt, then it’s harder to see him again in the same time at the gym, if they are still going to that gym. If you have other mutual friends in the gym, connect with them too. Go out with them too.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 8:57 am

Hi R,

I think yeah it did make the girlfriend jealous, the problem with that is they had an option to go away and maybe it was obvious that you were trying to attract him back or even if not, you were kind of successful to make the gf jealous. If you don’t see him again, the other option you have is social media because if he was hooked with you at the gym, there’s a good chance he’s going to check your profile time to time and you want to make what he sees there attractive and compelling enough to contact you again.

m

January 27, 2016 at 9:39 am

Hi Chris,
I have been working on my confidence, working out etc. I did not contact him for 5 weeks. He has been since adding women from this exes home town gym etc (as is probably hanging out with her)I sent an email that was basically just asking if he would send me my things please. Three hours after my message he sent one….very long saying the hardest thing he has ever done is break up with me, he knows i love him now it was just too late because of all the fighting and he wished he still loved me that much and that we worked, that he found a photo of us the other day and I had the prettiest smile and face he has ever seen that he wished he could have been there for me at xmas and felt me hurting, that he is sorry he never meant to hurt me but he is finding what he wants and he thinks that is her and he wishes he could still be there for me but thinks it might be too painful (obviously with him pursuing her). That I could feel free to contact him by (he specified email obviously does not want me texting when he is with her) anytime if i need anything. I sent one back that just said could you also include my earrings please. I know I should act confident and happy but I am so upset with how he has turned out after everything he did to prove he loved me just to turn around and do this now? What do you suggest I do considering I am 4 hours apart from him. Do you still think there is hope after this?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 3:32 pm

Hi m,

If you email him, you’ll be his other girl on the side. Does he see your social media posts?

Help!!

January 27, 2016 at 7:47 am

It has been 3 months since we have broken up, so I am very worried that time has run out! We have started to reconnect more in the past 2 weeks, and I bumped into him at a conference where we had a nice chat. However, he has a girl friend and they have been dating for 2 months already, which is a long time. How do I get him to have a coffee with me or something as friends if he has a girl friend? How to get him to say yes basically. Also, is it too late? As well, what else can I do to increase my chances? Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 3:17 pm

First, before the coffee, you need to work on texting. And if ever you can increase the chances of you two bumping into each other then good but keep in mind, he’s in a relationship right now. Gauge how they are. If that’s a rebound or not. And also, you don’t want to be a wrecker right? So, you also don’t want to appear that way, whether or not the girl is a rebound.

Heartbroken

January 26, 2016 at 7:39 am

Hi Amor & Chris

I’ve begged my boyfriend of 5 months after he broke up with me. I think that’s why he’s been treating me very badly. He’s been very rude to me. He said he fell out of love with me & he doesn’t see a future with me. Is it possible to get him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2016 at 1:32 pm

Hi Heartbroken

Though we can’t guarantee you will get him back 100%, there is always a chance. Have you tried Chris’ suggestions?

Relentless

January 24, 2016 at 9:36 am

Quick question..the shorter relationship is there less chance of reconciliation. Like less than 2 months? I feel like most people commenting have been in relationship for year or more..so they have more chance. However I thought this guy was the one and I don’t fall in love quickly, but since I’ve been doing NC for pretty much the same time frame as our relationship I have my doubts of reconciliation.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2016 at 12:33 pm

Hi relentless,

It depends. But if you’re doing no contact for 2 months now, I think it would be better if you try to reach out again now.

Liz

January 21, 2016 at 11:19 pm

Hi Chris, I am confused once again… My ex and I spent all of winter break together and it was very good. At the end of break he told me he didnt want a girlfriend in college and that I live too far away. (when we were together I went to a closer school, now I transferred 100 miles away instead of 40.. still its not that far). I tried to kinda play it cool and just was less affectionate ect. once we got back to school we were still texting and he kept kinda bringing up like if i was hooking up with anyone else. I kept blowing it off but after a while i told him i wasnt. then asked if he was… then he told me that he had been talking to this girl at school since october!!! i got angry then and told him that i wasnt a second option and i couldnt believe he told me over break it was just me (he still denies it but i asked multiple times if he was seeing anyone else) he kept telling me how much he cared about me and wanted me in his life and to talk to him about it. At this point it is kinda getting ridiculous. I cant keep going on like this (being treated like the second choice) and although i cant really be that mad about the other girl because we werent exclusive over break I am angry that he lied and is not respecting me or even grateful that i am trying to make this work. everytime i try to talk about this situation he ignores the conversation all together. I would just try to move on, but clearly that has not happened yet in the 5 months we have been broken up. I try to move on but he will not just stop talking to me he tells me how much he cares about me and he is just not sure about what to do. and i am over it but i dont know how to stop this from happening again. I want to be with him so much but at this point i need someone to be straight up with me and either tell me he is just keeping me around for fun or if hes just dumb and actually doesnt know what he wants.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 1:57 pm

Hi Liz,

It depends on you if you want to be around while he’s being undecisive. We can’t control how other people are but we can control what we allow in our lives
Liz

January 21, 2016 at 11:29 pm

Also I definitely do know he cares about me. He bought me a necklace for christmas and we exchanged gifts and spent all break together and he always tells me that him and I are going the distance, but i dont know if he just likes me around as almost like a back up or if he actually wants me in his life. When we broke up before we went to school it was pretty much because he found another girl he liked to spend time with more than me. I was devastated, at the time he also told me his heart wasnt in it anymore. When we talk about now he tells me he said everything that was mean because he was angry and did not want to deal with me. I brought up this situation when i found out about this new girl and he told me the situations are nothing alike. he may be right about that but all i know is i am the one who constantly gets hurt in these situations, no one else.

broken

January 20, 2016 at 6:32 am

please help me. my ex and I have been broken up for almost 3 months now. our relationship was short but we moved very quickly. we ended up moving in together after a few months because of money situations. one night during a party we both got drunk and a fight broke out between every one, including the two of us. that night he took all his things and left. he then blocked me from contacting him in any way possible. after about a month of very minimal talking and not seeing each other at all, we ended up talking one night and he asked to see me the next day. I spent the whole day with him and he told me that he missed me and was sorry for everything and wanted me back. he spent the night with me that night and then the next morning when i left for work he said “i love you, ill call you later” that day he texted me to tell me he slept with someone else while we were broken up and he wasn’t ready for a relationship. i found out about a week later that he’s dating someone new. Im still blocked on everything and i have not even tried contacting him in almost 3 weeks. I would give anything to have him back still. please help me and tell me what to do. Its been so long and I’m still not able to get over him for some reason.

broken

January 21, 2016 at 9:33 pm

we were able to talk because he still gets my messages in a “spam folder” with my number being blocked. Im still friends with his friends but i don’t know what or if they’ve told him anything about what I’m doing. i know he has seen videos of me out with friends and talking to other guys on social media, but i still have not heard anything from him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2016 at 11:53 am

Hi Broken,

The new girl may be rebound. Have you been active in the past 3 weeks? How were you able to talk when you were blocked?

Mixedsignals

January 18, 2016 at 10:49 am

My ex and I broke up once before and I ducked into no contact with him set on moving on because we fought so much for immature reasons. 3 months of no contact he initiated a conversation and we hit it off and got back together better than before. But one year in, the last week of our relationship he told me he just started talking to a girl and he’s been seeing her. He felt guilty for lying to her and me and so he told both of us the truth. The day after we had a heart to heart conversation on the phone. And decided to give each other some time but gave me mixed signals and said maybe in the future when he’s mature we can be together. But during that time he still was seeing her. I broke no contact 3 times in 5 weeks. The longest being 3 weeks. Because I found out on his social media that he called her bae. When we contacted he told me that this was the last
Time he was going to talk to me and he was seeing her to cope with everything he’s feeling. And it was true. He blocked my phone and 2 weeks into no contact I messaged him just trying to be friends and he completely ignored me. I don’t know what else to do except to restart 30 days of no contact. But what worries me is that while we’re in no contact he becomes closer to that girl. Please help. I’ve been focusing on myself and made so many positive changes but I want him to come back.

Mixedsignals

January 18, 2016 at 6:45 pm

Do you think I have a good chance to getting him back if I do the 30 day NC? When I did the 2weeks it seemed like he missed me enough to call me on the phone even though prior to that day he said that we should only contact for emergencies. Im just not sure if they will break up in a month or have their relationship get rocky.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 7:31 pm

It’s not 100% guaranteed that you will get him back because of NC but it can increase the chances.
Mixedsignals

January 18, 2016 at 3:46 pm

But what if her true colors are better than me? And should ikeep NC for a 30 days, 45 days or should I wait until he contacts me so I’m sure he will give me positive replies? Are my chances with him too low now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 8:10 pm

well you should focus on yourself instead of comparing yourself to her. you can initiate contact even if he hasn’t after the nc period. and chances depend on you, no matter how low or high it is, it’s how you make of it. 🙂
Mixedsignals

January 18, 2016 at 10:54 am

We’ve dated for about 3-4 years. And when we had the heart to heart conversation he also mentioned that it could be the newness factor to her that he’s attracted to. So it gives me hope. But last time we talked to told me to move on. He’s making me out to be the bad guy for contacting him and I noticed that the girl has always been talking shit about me whenever I contact him. What do I do??
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 11:04 am

Hi Mixedsignals
Have no contact with him and work on yourself. The girl will show her true character eventually.

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