283 thoughts on “My Ex Boyfriend Dumped Me For Another Girl… What Can I Do?”

  1. Avatar

    lana

    January 14, 2016 at 2:39 pm

    we broke up (he initiated it) and noticed he has been talking to a new girl. i did all the chasing, ignoring, acting like nothing happened, friends only casual hangout, tried heart to heart talk and all failed miserably. i found out through mutual friends that they are now exclusive and I didn’t want to be the tramp. I had months of nc, and he contacted me on my birthday last september (he asked to see me but never pushed through) i greeted him during the holidays (just to 1. be “polite” because he greeted me on my bday and 2. to check if he will have some initiative.) I got a positive but not engaged reply, but he started chatting up my cousin who i am very close to- telling him about his week. i am dead set on moving on… for now. i am focusing on my scale at the moment (and it gives them time to dull their honeymoon phase too)

    But i just want to be prepared: what is the best way to respond when i try to execute my gameplan and he pulls off the “sorry i have a girlfriend now” because remember: i just heard about it from friends and apparently he doesn’t want me to know. i read your guides and i assume i just go “okay!” briefly? and just be nice and bubbly self? also, it wasn’t tackled in this entry so: if he pulls away (because maybe of his new gf) should i make short NCs before making my presence felt again? (i think the answer is yes but im just asking to make sure)

    btw, i really love this entry. i have been depressed about my breakup for a long while and i find hope and comfort in your site. i was happy that you made an entry about this topic because i am currently healing and moving on from the drama so i am almost ready to bring back my A game. hope to hear from you on this comment 🙂

    (And im excited to hear from the expert’s UG sooo ill be waiting for your wife’s updates in the future!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2016 at 9:53 am

      HI Lana,

      I think you have good discipline and observation skills as well. If he really doesn’t want you to know that he has a gf, he won’t say it. But if he does, that’s a different game. If that happens and he pulls back because of the new girl, yes make NCs. Work on yourself. Be a better version of your old self but don’t rub it in face that you’re trying to get him back. Act casual.

  2. Avatar

    Sarah

    January 14, 2016 at 12:37 pm

    Hi Chris
    Long story short, I met a 37 man whilst he was on holiday where I live (he has never been married and pretty f*ed up after a previous r/s – he talked about it rather a bit). He was very full on at first, I know that he liked me and I charmed him, I told him a lot about himself etc. However I live abroad and when he went home we kept in contact via messages and skype calls. He told me that he loved me and thought I was the ‘one’ (i thought this was strange and a bit rushed but felt flattered). Fast forward a few months, I had to cancel a visit to him because of personal commitments (I have a baby) he was upset at this but he could have come to visit me. Anyway one day a few weeks later he asked me I I still loved him, I confessed that he knew I did still love him, his response was to admit that he went on a date. I politely told him that now we should stop communicating. In the meantime I went on dates and for a week we did not speak then he suddenly messaged me to say that he was making a mistake, that I am amazing, that he doenst want to think what if etc etc. Then he skyped and asked me if he could come and visit me I told him not if he had a girlfriend. He promised he did not and we arranged for him to visit at Christmas for three weeks. I was extremely gracious to him despite his drunken behaviour (he said he was on holiday). Anyway As it turned out he did have a girlfriend (his junior at work), he had not told her about me, nor me about her! I was not impressed, but I told him its not a competition and that he need to make his mind up, its not a right or wrong thing but you cant have two women at once. Not to spoil the remaining days we had a nice time together and he left EVERYTHING at my home, telling me this was not goodbye. He left, I messaged him that he needed to deal with the other girl, he went to visit her and turned his phone off all night. Since then I completely disappeared, no explanation nothing. He messaged me twice the next day asking if I was okay, if i wanted to skype him, I ignored everything. Now a week later he messaged me again asking me to please explain what is going on. Since we did not technically break up should I reply or not? Should I explain why I am not contacting him? He has a big ego (though insecure) so perhaps this is really about him not being in control. Your thoughts would be much appreciated, Many thanks

    1. Avatar

      Sarah

      January 19, 2016 at 2:32 pm

      Hi Amor
      He was holidaying with me (apparently trying to see if it would work between us). I was quite calm when I found out about his colleague and their relationship, but I was clear with him that it was not a competition and the I expected him to leave the colleague or else I would leave. I am so confused as to why he is treating me like an option: I am financially secure, I worked very hard – am very focused on my career, have my own beautiful house and car, I work-out, my male friends are amazed I put up with this (though I would never brag about these things to anyone in person). He lives at home with his mom! I am confused as to why he would risk losing this. Apparently with the colleague it was just a physical thing. Maybe it is because we are separated by countries? Can you offer any explanation?! I am so confused – why would he try and stay in touch when he has another girl?!

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2016 at 10:40 am

      If it was a physical thing and you’re LDR, then the girl is making up for his physical needs, it can sexually, somebody to hug(okay, let’s be honest. It’s sexual). So, that doesn’t mean that girl fits his overall requirement and that can be the reason why he can’t let you go.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2016 at 10:35 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      You actually have a good sense of waht your standards are. You know what you don’t want and have the courage to dtip communicating because you know what he did is very disrectful to you. I’m amazed. I think everything is just piling up but you just need to be consistent. I can see why he can’t let you go.
      I just want to be clear, did you want to break up or you just want him to leave his other girl and then go back together?

  3. Avatar

    Liz

    January 14, 2016 at 4:06 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex and I were together off and on for ten years. He asked for a break because he was busy with work, but my best friend saw him out on his birthday w/ some chic, I flipped out…for a day, then went NC. He didn’t respond to me flipping out, of course. On day 36 NC, I text him when I saw him driving around town basically with the front end of his car missing, he obviously got in an accident (ummm karma). He responded that he got hit and asked me how things were and that he hoped all was well. I told him I’ve been flourishing (which I am) and asked how he was and he didn’t respond. Knowing him so well, I feel like might not have expected that response and wanted me to go over what went wrong blah blah blah If he’s got a new gf he should be great, right? He should say so, I’m happy if he’s truly happy now. In my gut, I think he knows he messed up, but he’s not going to be the one to bring it up. I could be way off base here, and I feel kinda dumb writing this comment because, I’ve known him since I was 16 and how he operates. He hasn’t acknowledged his new relationship on social media but she does. I guess my question is, if my last text was a week ago and I asked how he was and he didn’t respond should I just let it play out and continue NC. I feel if he were to say that he’s truly happier now, that it would help with the whole closure thing. I want to maintain my dignity but, I think we’ve both been struggling with this, should I concede and attempt to have THAT conversation, should be about honesty and communication, right? We’re both getting older and starting to settle down and I think he wanted to be wild with a wild chic before we took that step. Our relationship was pretty awesome and we both know the things we have to work on. When I found out about him being out with this chic, I told him it was over and I never wanted to see him again. Ten years is a loooonggg time, I don’t think something like this you can just get over immediately, either of us… I don’t know, been rough but, I don’t want to reach out again if he’s happy, maybe I should just keep moving forward and if he reaches out he reaches out. Word of wisdom? Ps. Read ALOT of these posts, thanks. Also,, great GSP Meme-

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2016 at 1:42 pm

      Hi Liz,

      Wow! 10 years IS long! I agree. You will know a person well, being with him that long. I just want to know, are you sure he justs wants a relationship with a wild chic before settling down? I’m wondering what he wanted while he is in a 10 year long relationship. I think you know how the rules will work in your situation. But what’s more important is no matter how long a relationship is, people change. That’s why you need to get to know the person you’re with again like you’ve just met every now and then. I also agree that 10 years is long to just forget but before you decide to forget maybe it’s wiser to figure out what page you’re both in. By knowing him, you can tell when’s the right time to text or talk again about that matter.

  4. Avatar

    Sara

    January 14, 2016 at 12:55 am

    Hi Chris,
    Thank you so much for creating and adding to this website, it’s amazing!

    I was wondering how the gameplan would change and if there’s still hope if my ex and I never entered an official relationship? I was also wondering how to showcase personality if we are not on speaking terms anymore?

    Thank you!!

    1. Avatar

      Sara

      March 28, 2016 at 11:45 pm

      Hi Amor/EBR team,
      I tried creating a few conversations again, but they were still short (no other girl anymore). Then I did a 3 week no contact (in the past (post-break up), we wouldn’t talk more than a week, sometimes 2 or 3 ). We talked twice after and I got borderline positive/neutral responses, but it’s still difficult to keep conversations going (because he would stop responding/doesn’t add anything to the conversation). Several months ago I did ask if he was sure that he didn’t want to try again, he said he doesn’t think so but was not interested. I’m worried that not enough attraction was built in the first place- I was dealing with somethings and wasn’t myself (which lead to the break-up). I wanted your thoughts on how to proceed from here. Would it be best to stop trying altogether and see if he will come to me? I’m confused about him not being 100% sure that no chance, but still isn’t interested Thank you, you guys are the best!!

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 3, 2016 at 5:13 am

      Assess for another two weeks, if he’s still like that then you can stop because it seems like he is just responding to be nice.

    3. Avatar

      Sara

      January 21, 2016 at 11:27 pm

      I have tried starting interesting conversations- most of which included things that I know he is interested in but he doesn’t keep the conversation going and ignores some of my attempts (he is very busy/would rather spend his time talking with friends). I will continue trying to start interesting conversations, but in the case that he continues to not keep the conversation going/ignores me is there anything else I can do/what would the next step be?

      Thanks again!

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2016 at 11:59 am

      You have to stop for a while again. And if he sees your social status, do things that may want him to ask you about it

    5. Avatar

      Sara

      January 20, 2016 at 12:00 am

      Our last conversation ended well, but he said he is no longer interested in me and later became interested in someone else. Because of the lack of interest, we stopped talking/had nothing to talk about.

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2016 at 3:43 pm

      Then that’s what you need to work on. Giving value to the conversation. Making it interesting.

    7. Avatar

      Sara

      January 18, 2016 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Amor,
      Yes-we were dating and were exclusive (so neither of us were interested in seeing other people) but we did not to the point of being bf/gf. The last time we had a conversation was about 2 months ago. We have spoken since, but it was about stuff that needed to talked about, not a regular conversation.

      Thank you!!

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 19, 2016 at 5:46 am

      So how was your last conversation? Why did you stop talking to him? Maybe doesn’t hurt if you just say hi.

    9. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 17, 2016 at 8:13 am

      Hi Sara,

      what do you mean by not official? Yoh we’re not really together but you’re emotionally involved? How long have you not talked to each other?

  5. Avatar

    Help! Limited Time

    January 13, 2016 at 7:17 am

    Hi Chris,

    I really need your help. My boyfriend and I were in a short relationship, not long term. We broke up because of loss of attraction. I screwed up and talked to him after we broke up, then realized a week later and did 3 weeks of NC. Around one month and a week or two I found out that he had a new girlfriend, who was his former best friend of a year or so, which leads me to believe it is not a rebound, and she’s liked him for many months prior. The other thing is that she and I are kind of acquaintances, so we have talked before. I have done the self improvement, but we haven’t seen each other in person, so there is no way of showing it. Also, we have had a few conversations a few weeks ago over text, which were okay.

    Basically, what do I do now? I don’t know if I can just message him out of the blue, and if I do what can I have a conversation about? Also, how do I transition into the in person meeting ( and get him to say yes) if he is dating someone else? Any general help would be awesome.

    1. Avatar

      Help! Limited Time

      January 13, 2016 at 11:39 pm

      I still have to do the texting before the group date however right? To transition. Also, this should be as a group of friends with him and other people right? Also if I can’t make it a group date is it still okay to ask him to meet for a coffee or such just as friends?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2016 at 11:18 pm

      Hi Help Limited Time,

      You’re right with the steps. Well, we can’t stop you if you wan’t to ask him with just the two of you but I think you have a better chance if you out with friends.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 13, 2016 at 10:24 pm

      Try for a group date. Its less threatening.

  6. Avatar

    LOST

    January 13, 2016 at 3:57 am

    Hi Chris,

    I really do love reading your posts, please keep them coming! Also I can’t wait for the video to be up as well.

    So in my situation currently, my ex has finally unblocked me on whatsapp! And I pretended not to notice that as our communication has always been through iMessage. So a few days later after the unblock he texted me a whole load of ‘hate’ messages again, and after texting back and fourth he simmered down (I could tell by the change of tone) and by his messages it clearly showed that he was still hurt but still loved me. He mentioned however that he did not me to change anything, that all he wanted was for me to undo what i did (cheating) which cannot be undone.

    I feel that according to your posts, he is currently having the internal battle between his heart and his mind. I have been showing intense commitment and showing him that I am willing to give my all into this relationship again to prevent further resistance. I know that he still loves me deeply and he wants to come back to me, but his morals prevent him from doing so.

    I feel that I am so close to getting him back now Chris, please tell me what I should do now?

    1. Avatar

      Lost

      January 16, 2016 at 8:41 am

      Hi Amor!

      Thanks for your reply & nice to meet you!
      Do you think I have a good chance of getting him back in this case?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 17, 2016 at 7:54 am

      There is a chance, especially if you make an effort toward it right?

    3. Avatar

      LOST

      January 14, 2016 at 5:31 am

      Thank you Chris!!

      My longest has only been 21 days throughout these entire 3 months since we broke up. Every time I go into NC, someway or somehow he will end up contacting me after 2-3 weeks. I have been actively following your guides, not appearing desperate, ignoring him every time he tries to start a fight with me, posting pictures showing that I’m having fun with friends (no guys since I cannot use jealousy), etc. He has established that he is still very hurt and shifted all his emotions to hate me so he can forget me. He also mentioned a few times that we cannot continue where we left off, that he needs to forget about everything first and once enough time has passed and when we are both ready maybe we can start over. I find it a little contradictory though because he mentioned that by being with me it would mean him accepting cheating and he cannot accept that, yet he gave me the hopes of starting over in future. I told him I would wait for him – was this a good idea to tell him that?

      I have just restarted NC today and back to day 1, and I intend to make it through all 30 days this time. We had been together for 5 years. If I have successfully completed NC, should I contact him after or wait until he texts me first?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2016 at 8:36 am

      HI Lost,

      When love gets hurts, it usually gets replaced by hate or anger. So , try to understand him. His statements would also be contradictory because his emotions are unstable too. YOu were able to go three weeks, you can make it through 30 days I bet. Another week may help both you assess your emotions carefully. If you initiated NC, it’s better if you initiated contacting him too.

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 13, 2016 at 10:23 pm

      Glad to have you as a member of the ex boyfriend recovery community!

      How long have you been in NC for?

  7. Avatar

    Brianna

    January 13, 2016 at 2:49 am

    Chris!!!!

    It worked. I came to your site back in August when my ex left me for another girl. He said it was because of distance (but why couldn’t he just break up with me instead of cheating on me? *eye roll*). In the beginning, my mind must have been clouded from the hurt and shock because I actually wanted him back. So, I implemented your system and went into a super successful no contact period. I slacked when it came to using social media, though. He responded the first time I texted him after NC but didn’t respond the second time (in retrospect, I realize that he hates MEMES). Some time after I failed to get a second and third response, I just realized that he’s the scum of the earth and I moved on with my life. I started posting a bunch of cute selfies on snapchat and he started to look at them, but I never looked at his. I decided that he was dead (like, oh no, someone hacked this dead guy’s account. Tsk tsk. Rest in misery, scummy ghost of my past). The day after Christmas, he hit my phone and spouted some nonsense about wanting to apologize for cheating in person. I politely declined and now he keeps texting me. Soooo… Yeah. Patience is key, I guess. You’re so awesome, Chris. If I ever have an ex boyfriend worth getting back, I will DEFINITELY be stalking your site. Thanks a bunch!!!!

    1. Avatar

      Brianna

      January 15, 2016 at 2:49 am

      Sure. That’s fine.

    2. Avatar

      Zana

      January 14, 2016 at 9:35 pm

      Wow I loved reading this comment! Well done girl! So refreshing to see comments like this.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 13, 2016 at 10:19 pm

      Awesome Brianna!

      Just awesome.

      Do you mind if I ask you a few questions about what you did specifically to get him back? I would love to feature you (anonymously of course.)

  8. Avatar

    sabrina

    January 13, 2016 at 2:13 am

    Hi Chirs,
    I can really use your help with my current situation. Im sorry if this comment is somewhat long but i want you to know the most about it that way you can say the best advice possible…

    PLEASE RESPOND IT WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.

    So last summer I went out w friends, and this guy (future ex) saw me and was interested in me w out even having a conversation. He got my number from some friends, and he would text me but i showed little to no interest. Eventually he gave up. Seeing him give up on me drove me crazy, I wanted him so bad, and he ended up telling me we just don’t click. Months later we hung out again in a group of friends, and we actually started to become close friends. We would always go out in big groups of people, and my friends would always tell me they can tell he likes me.

    Months later, the next summer we ended up dating. Things went pretty much perfectly that summer, we hung out all the time and he treated me extremely well. The only thing was that he was leaving for college. He constantly reassured me that him being five hours away isnt gonna change anything, and he still wants to continue w the relationship. Even though i was even unsure about it. I figured he wants to try long distance, he must be serious, I’m gonna try my best. So the first two months went well, we would keep in constant contact everyday. But a little after, about 3/4 months later things slowly changed. He wouldnt drive down every opportunity he had, he was being dry and uninterested over the phone or texts w me. It just wasn’t the same. One day I was tired of it, and we got a argument about it because i told him things were changing, and he wasn’t acting super into me like a boyfriend should. He then reassured me that next time he sees me he is going to be home for a while.

    He said he was gonna take me out, and we would have a new years kiss, and he was gonna show the world that he was w the love of his life. So that obviously made me feel better and i waited for him to come home and put it all behind me.

    When he came home, i saw him the first day and everything seemed perfectly normal, we went on a date and all. But literally the next day he changed. He didn’t text me, or care what i was doing or who i was with. I would try and tell him about my day and he would simply respond “cool”. I was extremely hurt at this point given that i was so excited to see him when he comes home and he promised me all this change and he acted like this.

    So I called him to talk and he ended up breaking up w me. It was extremely unexpected. Just two weeks before he was describing everything we were gonna do. He basically said he had lost all feelings for me. He said he still cares for me and loves me as a person but he doesn’t like me like that anymore. He said he doesn’t mind being friends w me but he can’t date me, that he doesn’t see himself being happy w me, he doesn’t see a future w me. He also reassured me that he wasn’t mad at me, it was just how he felt, that he has been feeling like that for the past month and he gave it a try when he came home and it just didn’t work out.

    Obviously this hurt me and i tried talking to him about it but he said he didn’t want to, that he’s told me everything. That night i posted a friend picture to get him jealous or thinking. So the next day (literally) i see him at a party and he totally ignored me, but i ended up getting so drunk that i needed help from friends, and he was there trying to help me and defending me and making sure i was alright. Ive been posting on social media of me having fun, and i texted him saying “you make it so awkward” and he responded nicely but i didn’t answer after that cause i realized what i was doing…

    since then he has texted me merry christmas but i didn’t answer, two days later he texts my best friend asking if i got the message, and i haven’t spoken to him since. And he hasn’t tried to get in contact w me since then.

    I also see him on twitter “virtually flirting” w other girls…

    Do you think the no contact rule works even when he leaves back up to college?
    do you think its still worth it and i still have a chance even after all these circumstances?
    what do you recommend me to do or not do

    Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 13, 2016 at 10:17 pm

      I think it can certainly.

      What is your biggest hesitation regarding NC?

  9. Avatar

    Diana

    January 12, 2016 at 3:04 pm

    I was in a relationship with my ex for 4.5 years… out of the blue he dumped me 2 months ago, and a week after, he started dating this new girl. I used the NC rule for 30 days, my ex didn’t contact me in that time, so I reached out first… he said he wanted to be friends and we started talking again, we hooked up once last week (I know, I made a mistake and tried to do NC again but he went to my place to talk the other night) He said he didn’t want this new girl to know about us hooking up bc she would ask him not to talk to me again and he didn’t want to lose me. Now I don’t know what to do… I know I made a mistake but I don’t know how to fix it… should I go back to NC? or just keep talking to him to make her jealous?

    Sorry for the typos,… English is not my first language…

    Thank you for your help Chris! wish u the best!

    1. Avatar

      Diana

      January 13, 2016 at 11:51 pm

      He met her like 3 weeks before the break up

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 13, 2016 at 10:15 pm

      Question… Did he know the new girlfriend while the two of you were dating?

  10. Avatar

    m

    January 12, 2016 at 9:49 am

    Hi Chris,
    I was with my partner for almost 2.5 years, we met and were immediately connected…we shared interests, hobbies were very similar yet very different amazing physically together also. The week I met him however, was also the week my mum found out her cancer had returned. We went through my mums cancer from that week to her death 6 months into our relationship, he supported me was wonderful did things for me. However about a year and a half into the relationship, he started nit picking…he was frustrated with my grieving my mother (6 months after), my weight, what i should or shouldnt do with everything from house maintenance to my superannuation…. We started arguing if I would not take his suggestions on board he would get frustrated and he said he doesnt feel like a man, I dont listen to him. One weekend we had a disagreement and didnt talk til the Monday and he had bought a house near where he lived (he was always going to buy one near me to renovate). Therefore due to our long distance relationship – he was 4 hours away and during my grieving I was not able to drive there which also upset him. However, I guess buying the house was the first sign he wanted out or wasnt completely committed? He still came down, tried to support me. We got really rocky about a year ago, I snapped out of my sadness and tried harder….booked holidays, made more effort to see him etc however he still seemed annoyed with me and distanced himself throwing himself into his work and the house renovation. We were waiting on my job situation to unravel – Finally I was being made redundant (and therefore could move anywhere) and things started looking like they would come together for us. I was offered a job in my home town, he said take it as you can just quit if we move in together. However, unwittingly when he crossed paths dealing with a government department, he started talking to his ex – she was the one that got away, his ideal woman and I dont think he ever got over her but she is really good at dangling the mouse on a string and maintaining the status of unatainable woman as I dont think she really loves him. She was a bodybuilder (hence why my body was never good enough) and his intellectual equal – very masculine in her dealings with him.
    Anyway he really amped up the niggling and wanting to do things his way…kept saying he is not a submissive man and he wanted me to respect what has can offer me…we started fighting more and he broke up with me less than 2 months after he resumed talking to her. On the same day he texted her, the next day he wrote her a love letter saying he was scared to give her his heart again (which he claims was just for him) then i know he went to her town 4 hours away and stayed in a hotel for 2 nights.After he broke up with me I begged, pleaded, texted, called and finally drove there to prove I loved him (he kept saying you dont love me you wont even come to visit me). He said he needed space and wasnt going to made a decision til next week (unknown to him i knew next week was his big meet with ex). When I left I felt like he was saying goodbye to me forever, he said hadnt he proved he loved me? It was never going to be good enough as I always want more. He cried but had an egotistical, narcissistic ego boosted attitude about him I had never really experienced. 2 days after his meet he broke up with me saying its clear we are not right for marriage, we are not partners, that I had him back and he just got burnt (he kept saying he was an idiot to have almost taken me back when I saw him)….it was all me. Since then he booked a trip and took someone to a 5 star resturant on new years eve in another state he has not contacted me in 28 days…not christmas, not new years not the anniversary of my mum dying. There were also religious differences that I think have come into play. Anyway I am trying to remain strong. I miss the partner he was once, I just want that back again. I dont see much hope given the situation…particularly that he thinks we dont get along, that he is chasing the woman whom he once thought was his “soulmate” that actually cheated on him…….but then I also remember this was a man who did so much for me, he said he wanted a future with me and children and for me to commit to him. (he cried when my family had issues and begged me to let him take me away from it all to have a happy life with him but I was grieving and didnt want to move at that point) I guess actions speak louder……or do you think there is hope? Please tell me the truth. I love him but think this is a very unique situation. Please help me to get the partner I love back if I can…….

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 13, 2016 at 9:38 pm

      I think there is hope.

      I think though that we need to work on your confidence a bit.

  11. Avatar

    FeelingUsed

    January 12, 2016 at 4:37 am

    I definitely want to hear from him, is my first thought. The abrupt silence is what bothers me and hurts the most. I suppose I want closure because I don’t know if I can trust him to not do this again. How can I get him to text me? That will give me closure. Knowing that I wasn’t just some girl he used and then tossed aside.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 13, 2016 at 9:36 pm

      Well the best way to get him to text you is to send him a shocking text like,

      I have something to tell you…

      or

      I have a confession to make…

      or

      I have bad news…

      But I would only advise that if your only goal is to get him to respond to you.

  12. Avatar

    EM

    January 12, 2016 at 4:12 am

    Hello Chris,
    My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue almost 2 months ago. We dated for almost 11 months (we are 24 years old). It was a really good relationship, he treated me very well and so did I. We never ever had an argument, we never nagged or disrespected each other. Every time we hanged out we had lots of fun, full of laughter. We had so many things in common, and our friends and family loved us both. He came all the way to my house to see me and drop the bomb. I was getting mixed signals from him during this. He was having a hard time explaining why. He wasn’t bored of me, he didn’t find another girl, he just said things felt different than before. He was tearing up a lot and even gave me long hugs about 3 times. He kept insisting to be friends and said he was sorry. At one point he said ” I don’t think we should be together for now”…and then when I questioned that he quickly said ” I shouldn’t of said that, and got your hopes up”.

    I didn’t talk to him for 3 days, and then I finally decided to message him to meet up because I wanted to know the truth since I was so confused and shocked. He surprisingly agreed, and even suggested to pick me up and go for sushi. Here, he told me that he just didn’t see a future with me. He also mentioned how he was stressed with this big school project due in 2 months and with work. We both agreed that we seemed to of lacked communication for the past month ( I thought we were just being busy and were going be okay later). He also said he didn’t want to lead me on and since Xmas and all the other responsibilities were coming up, it would of been so hard to work things out. I asked if we could try after all these things were over, and he said he didn’t think it would be a good idea and that we should focus on being friends for now.

    I then found your website and bought your book. I finished the 30 Day NC successfully. He only tried to contact me once (2nd day) but it was just a funny video. I never replied. I made sure I didn’t do any of the “sins” and did my best to go out with friends, go on dates with new guys,focus on school and work. I even signed up for kickboxing as a stress reliever and bought a hair curler to change up my appearance haha. I then contacted him twice and got positive responses. However, yesterday I found strong evidence that supports my idea that the real reason he broke up with me was because he got seduced by a coworker. Ever since she started working with him (in October), he started talking about her a lot and I even met her at his work party (they were acting very friendly towards each other). A week later from that work party (Mid November) he broke up with me saying the things I mentioned above.

    Two weeks ago my friends saw him and her Xmas shopping together. His Xmas work party photos also showed them very close. Yesterday I found him change his profile picture on FB showing him clearly on a date and his Aunt commented asking if him and her are going to her husband’s birthday party. I am feeling very crushed, once again. It is like the wound has opened up again after that month and a half of trying to heal. It hurts that he got so easily charmed and dropped me like I was nothing to him. I don’t know if this is a rebound or not, it seemed like he started having feelings for her since October which is awhile back now. She does seem to be the complete opposite of me which shocks me a little that he would go for her. I don’t know what to do anymore. I was so determined to get him back, but now this news just destroyed me. I feel like she has such a big advantage over me because they work together and see each other alot. In addition, they keeping it a secret so it’s hard to follow along.
    Should I just stop contacting him and see what happens/wait for an opportunity? Any thoughts?

    1. Avatar

      EM

      January 14, 2016 at 4:38 am

      Thank you for replying Chris!!
      We are both 24 years old. The coworker is 23. He works at a mobile gaming company as one of the game developers and she is a secretary for the company. They sit about 10 metres from each other. If he lifts his head up from his desk, he can see her in full view. The whole team goes drinking a lot on fridays, eat lunch together and host parties on special occasions. So basically he spends loads of time with her.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 13, 2016 at 9:35 pm

      So he has a new girlfriend…

      Or maybe they are just “talking.”

      I am so sorry and understand how hard this situation must be for you.

      Do you mind how old he is and what kind of job him and this coworker share together?

  13. Avatar

    Konfused

    January 11, 2016 at 9:53 pm

    Wow another great article. When is your wife putting up the video? She is stunning.
    I must admit although I basically comment on every post..this is what I needed right now..I think my ex might have been looking for another girl.

    As previously mentioned, it’s been over a month since the breakup. I have completed 21 days NC as you suggested. Because it was a relatively short term relationship (less than 2 months) I feel time is of the essence. However as mentioned in a comment on your second most recent post..since NC i didn’t hear from him..this made me resentful and I signed him up for spam. Although a bid to get his attention regardless of whether good or not it didn’t work..so I sent another email this time making it clear it was me and saying all I wanted to say no matter how abrupt. I deleted his number, we share no mutual friends so all I have is his email..the email didn’t get a response but I missed a call from private that night and it wasn’t anyone I knew, I checked.

    I have stopped the spam, and everything is quiet. I fear he may have gotten a new girlfriend but since he deleted his fb, we aren’t in contact and share no friends how will he know I am improving? How can I lower the new girls scale when I know nothing about his life now..if he misses me he certainly hasn’t said anything.

    He is a good looking guy, I have no doubt he could find a prettier girl…but he’s admitted in the past that looks aren’t everything. My looks got me in the door but my personality kept me in and he basically said this..

    To this day I am still confused about his shift in demeanour if I was so much better than other girls he dated (his words) then why the f**k hasn’t he come back?

    1. Avatar

      Konfused

      January 14, 2016 at 1:15 am

      No there is no-one because we shared no mutual friends and he’s deleted his fb account! We weren’t together long. What do I do now?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 19, 2016 at 11:17 am

      HI Konfused,

      Best thing is to stop assuming. At least you could save yourself one thing to worry about. Does he have any other social media account than facebook?

    3. Avatar

      Konfused

      January 12, 2016 at 3:47 am

      I am not 100 percent sure he has one, but even after NC his focus certainly isn’t on me…after all the mistakes I made and only having his email for communication what should I do?

    4. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 13, 2016 at 9:32 pm

      First things first, is there anyone you know who can confirm for sure that he has a girlfriend?

      Because depending on that is how you are going to approach your situation.

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 12, 2016 at 2:58 am

      I told my wife you said that about her and she was very happy to hear that.

      Hopefully she will be putting it up soon.

      Sorry for not responding until now. I am actually in the process of hiring someone who can come on full time and do comments so everyone will get answered.

      First things first, what makes you so sure he has a new girlfriend? You have yet to verify it yet, right?

  14. Avatar

    FeelingUsed

    January 11, 2016 at 9:37 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex boyfriend and I were having a long distance relationship (4 hr drive) for about 6 months. Every connection we had has been positive. We would see each other about every 2 to 3 weeks. We got along really well and had incredible chemistry. Could barely keep our hands off each other.

    In December, he started texting less, then after our last meeting, he didn’t even contact me to see if I got home safely after the long drive. He texted me once since then, saying that he had a lot to deal with. That was it. I sent about 3 texts since then, eventually asking for closure. He has not responded. My last text was a week ago and I’ve been in NC since then.
    Here’s the kicker… I heard that he got engaged to his ex over Christmas. He had told me before that there relationship was okay, but that she didn’t seem to like sex (about once every 6 months). They were together for 4 years before he met me.

    I guess I’m mainly looking for a last message from him, so I don’t feel so used.

    1. Avatar

      FeelingUsed

      January 13, 2016 at 10:23 pm

      Well, if there was any doubt about NC, I can now confirm that it works! After day 8 of barely holding it together and almost sending a desperate text, he actually contacted me. He sent 2 texts (one sayong how much he misses me) and I have not responded.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 13, 2016 at 10:25 pm

      It does work quite well if its followed 🙂

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 12, 2016 at 2:57 am

      In other words, you want some closure.

      Hmm… Well, NC is perfect if you want an ex back AND if you want to recover him.

      Have you figured out what you want exactly?

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