Your confused about your ex boyfriend, huh?
I just want you to know that after a breakup this is completely normal.
No seriously…
As human beings we have this innate need to understand the opposite sex and since I am a member of the opposite sex (man) I feel I can accurately shed some light on my speices’ thoughts and actions.
Today we are going to be looking at one specific thing though.
Mind games.
Ok, I am going to throw out a hypothetical situation and I am going to use that hypothetical situation to explain how this article can help you.
Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend is playing mind games with you.
What exactly is a mind game?
Well, I will teach you that later but lets just assume that he is leading you on and making you think that he wants you back when he really doesn’t.
Ouch, right?
This can be especially painful if you actually do want him back.
So, here is how this article can help you if you find yourself in this “hypothetical situation.”
Obviously the burning question you are left wondering about is whether or not your ex boyfriend is playing a mind game with you just for the fun of it.
Well, this article will help you determine that but it’s not going to just stop there.
Nope, it is also going to teach you,
- What a mind game is
- Why an ex would play a mind games
- What to do if your ex is playing mind games
In other words, I guess what I am saying is that I am attempting to write the most comprehensive article/guide on exes and mind games in the world.
Let’s get this party started!
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
What Is A “Mind Game?”
Have you ever looked up the definition of a mind game before?
Did you even know there was a definition?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWell, I took the liberty of looking up the definition for you.
Mind Game- a series of deliberate actions or responses planned for psychological effect on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage.
Lets take a moment to dissect this definition.
Mind Game- a series of deliberate actions or responses planned for psychological effect on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage.
If a mind game is a series of DELIBERATE actions or responses that tells us that if an ex boyfriend is using mind games on you he is doing so on purpose.
In other words, any time he plays a mind game with you he is meaning to do it.
Why?
Well, I am going to go really in-depth into why a little bit later but for those of you who are very impatient you can turn to the second part of the definition.
Mind Game- a series of deliberate actions or responses planned for psychological effect on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage.
This tells us that if an ex is playing mind games with you that he is doing it for his own amusement (which you will learn later is partly true) but he could also be doing it for a competitive advantage.
What do you think that means?
What competitive advantage would he need over you?
There are two ways to look at this.
The first way is the theory that someone always wins the breakup.
Are you aware of this theory?
Well, the premise of the theory goes like this.
When a couple breaks up there is always a winner and a loser.
- The Winner = The man or woman who is happier/has a better life in the form of a big career change, a new person they date, etc
- The Loser = The person who is depressed, gains a lot of weight and thinks their entire life is over.
By playing mind games with you your ex boyfriend could be thinking that he can get a competitive advantage over you if he gets you to fall for him again. In other words, he will declare himself “the winner.”
I know its a weird way of thinking but men are kind of weird like that sometimes.
So, that’s one way of looking at the competitive advantage.
The other way is far more interesting.
By playing mind games with you your ex boyfriend could be subconsciously trying to find a way to get back together with you.
You remember what your mother told you about boys when you were a child, right?
If they pick on you then it must mean they like you.
The same principle applies here with mind games.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizYou can almost look at it like a weird way of your ex boyfriend telling you that he still likes you.
You know what…
Before I go on any further lets just move on to the next section because the next section covers this in a really in-depth manner and I am having too much fun talking about the “why” behind mind games.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
Why Your Ex Boyfriend Would Play Mind Games
There is one word I want you to get very familiar with.
What’s the word?
Control
Mind games, ex boyfriends and control go hand in hand.
Think about this for a second.
Right now you and your ex boyfriend are broken up. That means that your ex boyfriend has absolutely no control over the situation. So, what does he do to try to get control back?
He plays mind games!
So, what I have done below is compile a list of all the conceivable reasons I can think of that will cause an ex boyfriend to play mind games.
But before I get to that list there is something I need to make you aware of.
Not All Mind Games Are Created Equal
Lets take a trip into fantasy world and pretend that two very attractive men have just broken up with you.
Both of these men are playing mind games on you but the intent behind the mind games are very different.
Man A in his heart wants you back but he isn’t going to invest time into trying to get you back unless he knows you feel the same about him. So what does he do? He gives you mixed signals on purpose to test your interest (a form of a mind game.)
Man B on the other hand has more devious plans for you.
What are the devious plans?
He wants sex…
So, he decides that the best way to get it is to play a mind game with you to fake you into believing that he is interested in a long term relationship with you when the truth is that he is much more interested in a friends with benefits situation.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizYou see the difference behind the intent of the mind games here.
Man A wants a long term relationship with you but isn’t sure you feel the same about him so he plays mind games to figure out the answer.
Man B just wants to “do” you and doesn’t care whether or not the two of you have a long term relationship.
Above I mentioned that I am going to be listing all the reasons I can think of for why an ex may play a mind game with you. Well, in addition to that I am going to be touching on the intent of the mind game.
For example, if I believe the intent behind the mind games has ties to him wanting to be back together with you I will label that reason as “GOOD.”
But if I suspect that the intent behind the mind game is for his own selfish reasons then I will label that reason as “BAD.”
Lets get started!
Reason #1: He Wants You Back
There are some exes out there that will play mind games with you because at their heart they want you back.
Look, here is all you need to know about men.
We don’t like to spend all of our time tracking down an impossible goal.
What do I mean by that?
How many men do you see outside trying to fly around like Superman?
Not many…
Instead, my species is more interested in going after the goals that they know they can achieve which is where the mind games come in.
After a breakup most men think getting back with an ex is impossible. So, they look for a shred of hope anywhere they can find it before deciding to fully commit themselves to getting a woman back. Playing mind games with a woman is an excellent way to do this.
Why?
With a mind game you are trying to illicit a certain type of reaction.
Based on this reaction you can learn a few things.
Lets pretend that an ex boyfriend starts using mixed signals on you.
He makes you believe one thing and then when the time comes for him to step up and cement your belief he doesn’t do it.
Instead, he sits back and watches your reaction.
If you react very angrily then he will know that you really care about him and that you want your relationship with him to work out.
If you don’t react angrily then he will assume that you don’t care about your relationship with him.
All in all, if he is using a mind game because he wants you back then he is going to be studying how you react to certain things.
The Intent Verdict = GOOD
You are here because you want your ex boyfriend back, right?
Well, if he is using mind games for this reason then that is a very good sign.
Reason #2: To Feed His Ego
You remember what I said about control above, right?
Well, this reason ties directly into that.
Ok, hypothetical situation.
Your ex boyfriend starts playing mind games with you and you fall for them hook, line and sinker.
You start daydreaming about a happy life together with a white picket fence, long walks on the beach and a dozen little kids running around.
Your ex on the other hand has a more devious plan in his mind.
He decides that he wants to use you for his own emotional needs.
You see, he likes having you by his side because it gives him a sense of power and control.
He likes seeing you fawn after him because it makes him feel wanted and it makes him feel in control.
Oh, and lets not forget the fact that he likes having you around to listen to his problems because it makes him feel better and, yup, you guessed it, it makes him feel in control.
Are you seeing a trend here?
Breakups do a very weird thing to men. You see, throughout a relationship men like to feel a sense of control and when a breakup occurs they lose that control. So, in an effort to get it back they play mind games to manipulate women into meeting their emotional needs.
Oh, and if you don’t think that men do this I would like to tell you a little story.
This is the story of Rick.
Rick (not his real name) is a friend of mine who told me a story so chilling that it made me question my own species for a little bit.
So, Rick had this girlfriend and he loved her very much and for the most part their relationship was pretty nice. Of course, there was one little problem. Rick loved his girlfriend a little too much so in his mind he decided that the best way to feel safer in the relationship was to control everything she did.
Oh, and when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING.
Who she saw…
Where she went…
What she did…
Now, do you think Rick’s girlfriend took kindly to being controlled?
Absolutely not.
In fact, Rick became so controlling that his girlfriend decided to break up with him.
So, here you have Rick a man who for his entire relationship with his girlfriend had full control over everything suddenly losing that control.
He was devastated.
So, like all manipulative b#$tards out there Rick devised a plan to get his girlfriend back through mind games.
He would make her believe that he had turned over a new leaf when the truth was that he hadn’t. He painted this picture for her of a perfect life together and like most women who are in a vulnerable state she fell for it.
Rick got control back.
He felt safe again.
But perhaps most frightening was the fact that he developed a god complex.
“If I can get her back after this then I can get away with anything.”
All in all, by successfully using mind games on his ex Rick had fed his ego so much that he thought he was some sort of god.
So, what’s the verdict here?
If an ex plays mind games for this reason is it a good sign or a bad sign?
The Intent Verdict = BAD
Look, there are mind games with good intent and mind games with bad intent.
No matter which way you slice it this is not a mind game with good intent.
Reason #3: To Get Sex
I am going to get personal here for a minute.
Ok, maybe not “that personal” but I am going to tell you a funny story from my past.
When I was 15 years old and pimply faced (totally was) I’ll admit that I thought about sex a lot.
I mean, I had never kissed a girl or hugged a girl (outside of my mother) for that matter. So, the idea of having sex with a member of the opposite sex seemed like a stretch.
And what have I taught you about men?
They want what they don’t have, right?
Well, I definitely didn’t have sex and as a result like all pimply faced teenaged boys I wanted it.
(Side Note: Totally wish I had met my wife in High School but perhaps it’s best I didn’t because I don’t think I would have had a chance with her then.)
Anyways, I digress…
With that “want” came a certain amount of embarrassment.
Why was I embarrassed?
Because I literally thought that I thought about sex way too much and that there was something wrong with me.
That was until I met my friend… lets just call him “Fly.”
He verbalized everything I had ever thought about sex and made no apologies about it.
If I was an 8 on the “I want to have sex” scale then he was definitely a 10.
This was interesting to me because it was a weird way of the universe telling me that I wasn’t the only man in the world who wanted sex.
Turns out that as I have gotten older and met more and more members of my species this universal truth hasn’t changed.
In fact, some men want sex so bad that they will be willing to do anything to get it. That’s where the mind games come into play.
I am just telling you this right now so you hear it from me.
MEN WILL USE MIND GAMES TO GET SEX FROM YOU.
They will tell you what you want to hear…
Buy you want you want to have…
Go above and beyond for you…
Just for that one feeling of being inside you.
So, if you are sitting there wondering if your ex would use a mind game to get sex from you. Well, all I will say is this. He is absolutely capable of it.
The Intent Verdict = BAD
Come on…
How is this even a question?
Common Mind Games An Ex Boyfriend Will Play On You
Now that you have a deeper understanding of why an ex boyfriend would play mind games with you lets turn our attention to the type of mind games he might play.
I think it goes without saying that there are thousands of mind games that an ex could potentially play on you if he wanted. So, in an effort to make this comprehensive yet readable I am just going to list out the most common type of mind games I am seeing out there.
Sound good?
Ok, lets get started.
Mind Game #1: Conversation Ghosting
Have you heard of this phenomenon of “ghosting” before?
Apparently it is making the rounds across social media and becoming very popular with every passing day.
Ghosting basically describes a breakup phenomenon.
Typically when you break up with someone you take them to a nice park bench, sit down and calmly explain to them that you don’t want the relationship to continue.
Ghosting is a lot meaner than that.
It’s essentially a permanent NC rule that starts while you are in the relationship with someone. It serves as the ultimate way of breaking up with someone.
Let me give you an example.
Rebecca and Dave are a really cute couple but after a few years together Dave isn’t really feeling it anymore. Internally he comes to a decision that he is going to break up with Rebecca but he is a little scared to have the breakup talk with her. So, he decides to do ghosting instead. In other words, he just stops responding to her text messages, phone calls or pleas to meet up and talk about things in person. The idea behind ghosting is that the person who is being ghosted will get the hint and realize that things are over.
So, that’s ghosting.
BUT that is not what I am going to be talking about with regards to mind games.
When it comes to ghosting and mind games with an ex there is a specific tactic that I am seeing more and more ex boyfriends use on their ex girlfriends.
I like to call this tactic “conversation ghosting.”
What Is Conversation Ghosting?
Imagine that you and your ex boyfriend at having an amazing texting conversation.
Just pretend that the texts go on and on like this for a good hour.
Anyways, when the conversation ends your ex doesn’t respond to your messages or doesn’t make any attempt to reach out on his own for the next week or so.
“What the heck is going on? Did I do something wrong?” you think to yourself.
Your ex has successfully ghosted himself out of having conversations with you.
So, what is going on here?
What is going through his mind?
Well, if he is using conversation ghosting as a mind game then he is watching you very carefully to see how you react. He is trying to guage how much you are into him.
That’s fine… we can work with that.
What I would like to do now is teach you what to do if your ex is using this mind game on you.
What To Do If Your Ex Uses Conversation Ghosting On You
If you have determined that your ex has used conversation ghosting on you then you have one task.
The Task = Getting Your Ex To Respond To You
Off the top of my head there are a million ways to accomplish this task but I certainly don’t have the time or patience to list a million ways out for you so I am going to give you my best way. Lets think about the context here for a moment.
You and your ex have had amazing conversations through text messages very recently and then all of a sudden he drops off the face of the earth.
If he is indeed playing a mind game then we know that at this moment he is sitting on the sidelines waiting to see how you react.
So, we are going to give him a reaction.
And this reaction is going to make him forget all his silly little mind games and respond to you right away.
I would like to introduce you to a little something I like to call, the “I have a confession…” text.
The way this text works is rather simple.
You send this text message to your ex and then the idea of you having a confession to make to them is to enticing for them to sit on the sidelines and keep playing the ghosting mind game.
Ah, but here is where things get interesting.
What do you do if he responds?
What should the confession be?
Well, you don’t want it to be anything that damages the progress you are making with him. Instead, you want your confession to be positive.
Hmm…
How about something like this.
Do you see how something scary like a confession can turn into a positive thing if you tie it in the right way?
Once you get your ex to respond to this text then you then you are free to continue the conversation because you broke his mind game!
Lets look at another popular mind game I am seeing men use on women.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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Mind Game #2: Never Texting First… EVER
This is a fun little game that men like to play.
But before I get into that I need to talk a little bit about the “unwritten rules of texting.”
You see, when it comes to texting in general there are a few unwritten rules at play. Arguably at the top of that list is the idea that whoever texts the other person first loses ground. In other words, the party that expresses the most interest in the other person up front loses “the game.”
It’s weird when you think about it, isn’t it?
I mean, when it comes to relationships the game should be about communication but instead it’s all about who likes who the most up front and whoever likes the other person the most tends to be the chaser (which is ironically what you want men to do to you.)
Anyways, now that you have an idea of one of the “unwritten rules of texting” lets turn our attention to how it comes into play during a break up.
I think the best way to illustrate what I am about to teach you is to tell you a little story about how I (a man) reacted after a breakup.
During my first ever break up with a member of the opposite species I handled things a bit… immaturely.
The immediate thing that comes to mind is the idea that I was not going to talk to her at all until she texted me first.
Why?
Revenge.
I wanted to make her feel as bad as I was feeling.
So, for the next week or so I was determined not to text her first and sure enough by the end of that week she ended up texting me.
My point in telling you this story is to explain that after a breakup it is highly likely that your ex boyfriend could be thinking to himself,
“I am going to make her text me first.”
Now, having the discipline to actually not text your ex first is challenging for most of the men out there.
Not Texting First Even When You Reach Out First
Hypothetical situation.
Lets pretend that you and your ex went through a breakup about a week ago and your boyfriend is determined to not be the one to text you first.
Now, lets say that you disregard my advice on the no contact rule found in my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System. Instead you decide to reach out to him first and to your surprise you have a decent conversation with him.
So, this trend continues for the next month or so and you continually notice that you are the one that always has to text him first.
In this hypothetical situation your ex has made a conscious decision to talk to you but only under the pretense that you text him first.
You will find that this is actually quite common with exes.
Why?
My theory revolves around my own experience (because I actually did do this to my ex.)
When I said to myself,
“I am going to make her text first”
What I was really thinking on a deeper level was I know this is going to annoy her and I want revenge for the way I am feeling right now.
In other words, the purpose of this mind game is to get back at you for the way your ex feels right now.
But what are you supposed to do if your ex is playing this mind game on you?
How do you right the ship?
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Will NEVER Text You First
Ok, before I start teaching you anything I do have a little bit of a disclaimer to throw out there.
In order for what I am about to say to fully work you need to accept the fact that your ex is probably not going to text you first for a little while but that doesn’t mean you can’t make progress with regards to getting him back.
Are you aware of the idea of a 50/50 split?
In short, it’s this idea that when you and your ex text you will send 50% of the text messages and he will send 50% of the text messages. Well, this idea of a 50/50 split applies to who texts who first as well.
In other words, in a perfect world you will start conversations 50% of the time and he will start conversations 50% of the time.
Now, here is my question to you.
Do we live in a perfect world?
NO.
Thus, having the ability to achieve a 50/50 split when it comes to conversation starters is often very challenging.
Does that mean it can’t be done?
I didn’t say that.
In fact, it is very possible to take an ex who thinks to himself,
“I am not texting her first.”
And eventually get him to throw his internal rules out the window.
But how do we go about doing that?
How can we achieve at least a 50/50 split when it comes to starting conversations?
Like anything there are a few factors at play here.
I am going to take a moment to go over those now.
Factor #1- YOUR Ability To Do No Contact
The no contact rule is probably the most popular strategy for getting an ex back and there is a reason why.
It lets time go by without any contact with your ex… a lot of time.
I already explained that your exes motivation for making a pact with himself that he won’t text you first revolves around revenge for the way he is feeling. Well, he isn’t going to get his revenge if you don’t actually contact him at all.
The no contact rule, especially after a breakup, is perfect for expediting the process of him throwing his pact out the window.
Factor #2- The Quality Of Your Conversations
Person A and Person B dated Person C.
After their breakups with Person C, Person A and B never received a text from Person C to start a conversation. Instead, it was left up to them to start the conversations.
When Person A started a conversation with Person C the conversation they had was amazing and left Person C with a really good aftertaste.
When Person B started a conversation with Person C the conversation they had was horrible. It fell flat in every imaginable way and left Person C with a bad aftertaste.
Now let me ask you something.
If Person C was going to start a conversation first which person do you think they would be more likely to start it with?
A or B?
Person A of course!
Whether you like it or not the quality of conversations that you have with your ex often has a direct correlation to having them text you first.
Mind Game #3: He Talks About Other Women
This fun little mind game is one that an ex boyfriend can play either through text messages, on the phone or in person.
What’s the mind game?
Talking about other women in front of you.
Or more specifically, talking about what he would like to do to other women while he is in your presence.
Hmm…
Perhaps I should give this one a hypothetical situation to illustrate my point.
Ok, lets say that you and your ex boyfriend have just started talking again and things seem to be going pretty well for the two of you. You think to yourself,
“Wow, I think a reconciliation is possible.”
In other words, you really feel you have a great chance of pulling this off. That is until he starts talking about other women.
It just so happens that the two of you are out for a cup of coffee when a very beautiful woman walks by your table and you catch him staring at her as she walks by. Picture this,
What he says next after he sees the woman is a shock even to you.
“Mmm… you don’t want to know what I’d do to her if we were alone in a room together.”
So, is this a mind game or is this just an ex boyfriend feeling super comfortable enough to share the inner workings of his brain with you?
Well, I can’t speak for your ex but I can speak for myself and I can tell you that any time I have ever done something remotely close to this it has been a weird form of a mind game.
Why?
Because I know how jealousy works.
Lets do something unheard of and take a look at things from your exes perspective.
The universal truth about all men is the fact that we love to feel wanted by members of the opposite sex. This innate need to feel wanted can make us do some pretty strange things like talk about other women in an effort to make other women jealous and react in a way that will make us feel wanted.
And therein lies the “why” of this mind game.
It’s a ploy to make you jealous and ultimately make you react in a way that will a man feel wanted.
Now, what do you do if this happens to you?
What To Do If Your Ex Starts Talking About Other Women To Make You Jealous
What’s your first reaction when an ex starts talking about “pounding another woman?”
It’s to get in a fight with him isn’t it?
What’s your second reaction?
To get revenge on him probably.
Neither one of these is a good idea.
If you get in a fight with him over his behavior you will essentially be letting him know that what he is doing is bothering you and ultimately feed his ego.
As for the revenge…
Wouldn’t it be great that after his comment about “doing another woman” while the two of you are together if you could get revenge on him by giving him a taste of his own medicine?
“Oh ya? Another girl, huh? Well, you see that guy over there? Yup, I would totally love to be on top of him.”
This is not a good idea for a number of reasons but at the top of that list is the fact that it is going to create a situation where your ex is going to think it’s ok to continually have these chats about other women with you.
Why would he feel that way?
Easy, because in his mind if you are saying it back to him he isn’t going to be hurt he is going to think that you have moved on and don’t mind his dirty thoughts about other women.
The last thing you want is to hear about his conquests every single day.
So, what do you do?
You are going to play a few mind games of your own.
What I would like you to do is to take a look at my article on seduction. We are going to give him a few mixed signals and make him believe that you are still into him and then you are just going to fall off the map for a bit.
You get him all excited about the idea of potentially “hooking up” and you leave him stranded.
Rinse and repeat.
seexmi.com
May 23, 2021 at 6:15 pm
I have been with a guy for two years but during that period he have been on off like three times and everytime i confront him about disappearing he would tell me that it is because it is because of his severe depression I finally got fed up with these and I blocked him on everything . Did i do something wrong? Everytime he disappeared I was constantly wondering what I did basically confused as to why he suddenly disappear without any warning. I don’t feel any guilty blocking him it was just to save my own sanity
MARYANN BOOTH
October 29, 2020 at 11:26 pm
my exhusband has been seeing a women for 5 years but he he tells me the relation ship is not what i think it is i was married for 27 years
Me
October 7, 2020 at 3:57 pm
I feel like my ex boyfriend might be playing mind games but im not completely sure like at one point i feel like he likes me and the next he doesnt and so on and he knows i like him and stuff and he said he doesnt want to be with me so yeah
Nuls
September 9, 2020 at 3:52 pm
I broke it offf with an ex in July this year. We dated for only a month. I regret breaking it off. I waited a month after the breakup to contact him again. He immediately responded and it was very pleasant. He agreed to meet with me. I asked to meet with him last week and he said he was busy. He said what about on the weekend, I said, yeah and to let me know. The weekend has now passed and he still hasn’t made plans. What has happened?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 9, 2020 at 9:35 pm
Hi Nuls, I think you are rushing the meet up – try talking to him through text and building your connection with him again rather than trying to get the meet up too soon
Kylie Burton
July 19, 2020 at 2:07 pm
My ex has me confused he accused me of gaslighting thought I was asking people to find out about him all because he’s friends told him that I haven’t even bothered trying to find out what’s going on in he’s life I’ve been blocked everywhere for almost a month I know he has been looking at my Instagram because he suddenly puts up a photo of another female with him up from year’s back because I put up a photo with a guy I have been seeing then he’s best friend messaged me out of the blew to find out about my life and wants to hang out he post’s happy group photos it’s like he is trying to rub it in my face we have some of the same friends and they tell me these thing’s serious what is the go with him?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 19, 2020 at 5:53 pm
Hey Kylie, so he mentions you are gaslighting him, was this true? You need to stop watching his social media as your focus is going to shift to what he is doing rather than what you are doing. If you want your ex back then you need to be working the Ungettable information and knowing he is watching your social media is going to help you
Kelsey Michelle
August 16, 2019 at 12:47 pm
My ex and I started dating when we were 12 years old. We were what you call “high school sweethearts.” broke up 8 years ago, a couple of days before our senior graduation. Last time we talked was probably a year and a half ago. But in between those 8 years we would always have some sort of communication and than it would stop when he would get back together with his “new girlfriend.” I’m not sure what has happened in his life lately, but I saw about half a year ago, that I was unblocked on social media, so I took initiative to block him, so that I wouldn’t have to see his face. next thing I know he is viewing my LinkedIn and even has the audacity to send a request to “connect.” He did this twice in two separate occasions. I finally messaged him yesterday, (before I read this article today…. now I wish I wouldn’t have.) and told him to stop! He replied saying he basically wanted to get a reaction out of me. So, me being me, I said “you’re lame and you need to leave me alone!” He replied immediately and said “ okay.” He hasn’t bothered me yet, again. I think I did good… right ??
Chandni
August 1, 2019 at 5:57 pm
Don’t judge people okay. depression is normal, it’s natural, there is nothing like loser or winner. We are humans and we need time to detach ourselves from the person we were in love with. It’s a request.
Chris Seiter
August 1, 2019 at 8:56 pm
Thank you Chandni for you input
The Greatest
July 6, 2019 at 3:52 pm
Me and my ex break up a year again..I just been doing me he make me feel thst Im running behind him and Im not needing with him for 4 years everything is in that room .If it was not for 4 years of my things I would never contact him..So right now he has the upper hand and I Don’t care I just what is mines..The Funny thing is the job made a mistake and sent some mail to his place he opened had his case manager write on that I dont live here are work there and I should not get paid I did not say nothing to him about ..JUST GIVE ME MY THINGS SO WE CAN KEEP IT MOVING…..You
Sarah
June 11, 2019 at 9:36 am
Hi Chris, I broke up with my ex back in August 2018. Since than a fake ig account has been made full of poetry seemingly pertaining to our relationship. I’ve also been receiving tons of fake phone calls from different numbers and when I call back it says the number doesn’t work. He pops up at the most random times and he can’t look me in my eyes. I know he is behind all of this,but why? Does he still love me? The latest post on the fake ig page says he can’t stop loving me. So why can’t he be a man and admit this to me. I also want to add we had an early miscarriage and that was another reason for the breakup and he’s never expressed how he felt afterwards,but I knew he was devastated.
Shazia Durrani
April 22, 2019 at 6:45 pm
Hello Chris,
My boyfriend recently broke up with me (2 weeks ago I guess) Anyways… The reasons for him breaking up were because (1. He THOUGHT I wasn’t a virgin 2. We can’t see each other as much anymore 3. He has trouble with his mom 4.We’re always sneaking and lying to our parents. 5 And I always get in trouble for going out with him) Which was a good reason, but I was still pretty hurt and pleaded with him and begged for him for hours and hours till I gave up (Yes, I JUST realized that begging and pleading is bad, but at that time I didn’t know) Anyways.. We were in a relationship for 2 months, and he was super sweet, usually he was the one to show signs of affection as I would always reciprocate, but it would also be him showing 90% of love and me showing 80 % of vice versa on some days! Anyways, before the breakup he seemed completely fine and he showed a lot of affection! On the day of the breakup he was mad/furious/stressed and I was sad/confused/shocked, I tried putting logic into his emotions and it didn’t work, it made it worse. Afterwards he said that we could still be friends and I refused, NOW FAST FORWARDING (after doing NC for 2 weeks) He in-directly tried to contact me, how you may ask?
A few days ago, a received a text from a ‘fake account’ with 4 followers (Instagram), the text said; “Hi, how ar you, you sleep?” at 11 PM, now of course I didn’t think it was my ex at first because the grammar and spelling were quite off, but as I continued to text the person, they FIRST claimed to be my previous Ex and then later on claimed that they aren’t actually my previous ex but someone else, now here’s the thing if this makes sense, (First they sound like a weirdo stranger who doesn’t know how to English -> Now he’s texting normally and claiming to be my previous ex -> AND NOW he’s starting to sound like the ex I want to get back with.) The ‘fake account’ starts to ask questions like “Do you care about him?” “Do you love him?” “Why do you care about him?” and “Why do you care about him since he broke your heart.?” And from here the texting tone of this person started to sound like my ex, and here’s the craziest part, the account then claims to have hacked my Ex’s account! How crazy is that?! It is very unbelievable that it ISNT him, it has to be! Because it sounds exactly like him.
FASTFORWARDING TO DAY 2:
I try calling him out by asking him a number of pressuring questions, he seemed nervous but didn’t seem to open up yet, so I made him think that I believe him (Which I don’t because he’s obviously the one behind the fake account) Now here’s the weird part, the account had also told me to talk to (Ex’s name) as well. And when I answered “I don’t talk to him anymore” The fake account started asking questions like “Why?”. Now when my ex normally talked on his own account, he acted like nothing happened. And then a few hours later, we start laughing and talking on text again! It was so awesome and he even flirted with me, later on when I said “Goodnight, petname” He liked the message and said gn back. Now I said I didn’t want to be friends with him, and I still don’t so I don’t know what to do here. Anyways I was eagerly tempted to text ‘I miss you’ but I think I should do NC again, what do you think? Please help, I want to stop suffering every night….
F.Y.I he had a Rolex watch that he was going to give to me, that’s when I knew he really did care or love me. As I gave him my last gift as well (A stuffed camel) But I never got the Rolex, which I don’t care since I only want HIM back.
I really need help here… I don’t what to do in this situation, he just played a mind-game on me by using a fake account and asking questions! And then he flirts with me after, huh? But at the same time, I’m not getting my hopes of him wanting me back. After all he’s the one who left me.
Hillarey
April 16, 2019 at 8:22 pm
Hi Chris,
I have been googling the internet for some sort of explanation for the past few weeks. You may have some insight.
So, back in 2011 now ex-bf and I met in a whirlwind while backpacking around southeast Asia – he is from Germany and I am from the US. It was a “love-at-first-sight” experience – for both of us. We were in separable after that for the following 3 years. We travelled the world together. We fought and had typical relationship ups and downs – but we were always intensely in love with each other.
There was a point, where I was ready to settle down, and the only way we could both live in the same country together was if we got married. I would have married him in an instant. He wasn’t ready though. He wanted to keep doing what we were doing – traveling, wandering etc…
At the end, I came home to the US because I was emotionally at the bottom of the barrel (I was 28 at that point after all and didn’t have any roots or a career). So I made the decision to come home. My ex dropped me at the airport – we cried. His plan was to come over to the US and try and find a job, but what he really wanted to do was to go to Australia/New Zealand. He was just coming to the US for me – but didn’t want to get married…which is basically impossible for any kind of long term living situation.
So I broke up with him. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. He ended up going to New Zealand and I stayed here and now have a blossoming career and a great group of friends, close to my family AND I am recently engaged.
It’s been 5 years since we broke up. And of course via social media, email etc… we would keep in touch. At one point, I told him I couldn’t be in contact with him anymore because it is too hard. We went probably a year or so with no contact. He wrote to me when he met someone else – so that I would know, but also to tell me he will always love me. That was a baseball bat to the head. But eventually things evened out – the sadness wasn’t so acute anymore. And I had met my fiancé.
Once he saw I was engaged, he wrote to me to tell me he was happy for me (I didn’t make a point to tell him, mind you)…then I didn’t hear from him in a few months.
He recently wrote me again while back visiting a place we used to live together – telling me he wants me to know that he thinks of me, that I’ll always be his spatzle ( a pet name we called each other). He said he wasn’t really communicative because his current gf is jealous. BUT WHY SAY THIS TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?
I responded and then he stopped. Then I wrote him an email basically telling him I believe he is someone I will always love in my heart. That I believe you can love more than one person in your life and for different reasons. Anyway, he responded saying “beautiful email, I wish you both the best!.” Then I just stopped responding because what do you say at that point?
And in the past 2 weeks he has written me random things, about thinking of me or remembering me. But not actually instigating a conversation. I reply nicely, but also to the point…and don’t try to instigate a conversation.
It doesn’t mean he wasn’t floating around in my head for days/weeks even after the initial contact. Now I am recovering my emotions – but I am afraid he will just pop up in my life out of nowhere forever and wreak havoc on my heart.
Does he even realize what he is doing?
If he does, what is the point? and why?
He lives across the world…is he just filling his ego?
Jennifer
April 3, 2019 at 3:59 pm
Hi, my ex bf broke up with me over text message when I was on vacation. I followed NC rule after that. We work in same office so when I was back he started messaging me again and said he wants to be friends. I was not ok about it so I said no. But since then he stares and sends messages like I was looking cute today, he can’t stop thinking about me. I also came to know that he already has a new gf. I like him still and every time he sends a text my heart goes to him but that is the extent to it, just a message from him. He never leads the conversation to something more serious. I don’t know what i should do. Some advice would be great.
B
March 9, 2019 at 5:14 pm
My ex and I have been going through some personal troubles this week. His mother had a heart attack. My Aunt died. We’ve both been caught up in emotions and ended up saying things we shouldn’t. I immediately apologized and tried to rectify my actions. He drew back and ignored me. After a week, he contacted me and said we needed to talk. That he was coming over. When I said that wouldn’t work for me… that I had a funeral and viewing to attend to, it didn’t go over well with him. Because I said no, he blocked me and is provoking me on social media. I honestly don’t know what I’m dealing with here. Is it mind games out of hurt? Manipulation? Or is he is just a narcissist? I could really use some advice.
Chris Seiter
March 10, 2019 at 1:34 am
I can see you are going thru a difficult time. Perhaps a period of No Contact might be the right medicine. Take a good look at my Program, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it there is much more of me in that epic eBook resource that I can offer here where I have such limited time.
Taps
January 6, 2019 at 4:13 am
Sir my ex bf left me and he agreed to be friend with me. But I applied no contact rule cause I still love him. Now after four months he messaged me that he wants to talk to me
But he didn’t tell me and said I won’t understand..
He said ,”we are not even friends anymore”
I said,” I don’t think it is good to disturb you.”
He said ,” I am not busy anywhere I go through my loneliness daily”
I said ,”ok”
He asked ,” but these days you are busy with your new bf”
I am still single but I replied only ok..just to confuse him. I decided not to give him details of my life and let the things mysterious so he can again get interested in me.
He messaged me two times in 15 days at 10 to 12 am after two months..
Now after that day of talk he didn’t message me
Pls tell me what I do and what he is thinking.
Taps
January 6, 2019 at 4:11 am
Sir my ex bf left me and he agreed to be friend with me. But I applied no contact rule cause I still love him. Now after four months he messaged me that he wants to talk to me
But he didn’t tell me and said I won’t understand..
He said ,”we are not even friends anymore”
I said,” I don’t think it is good to disturb you.”
He said ,” I am not busy anywhere I go through my loneliness daily”
I said ,”ok”
He asked ,” but these days you are busy with your new bf”
I am still single but I replied only ok..just to confuse him. I decided not to give him details of my life and let the things mysterious so he can again get interested in me.
He messaged me two times in 15 days at 10 to 12 am after two months.
Now after that day of talk he didn’t message me
Pls tell me what I do and what he is thinking.
Mamie
January 5, 2019 at 5:20 am
About a year ago and a half ago, I was ghosted.
It wasn’t long after that… he began a relationship with another woman. Over the holidays this year he texted me and told me he was “engaged .”
I responded in a very neutral manner, said I was happy he was happy. He then said that he’d have to learn to dance. See the problem with the last statement was through out or relationship, that’s what we did.. we danced until the sun came up… weekend after weekend… that was our thing. We joked about.. inside jokes.. it was special.
Why in the world, would he deliberately mess with my head like that? Is he that ego driven. If he’s engaged he has obviously moved on. What did he gain from that?
I preferred the ghosting comparatively to those texts.
Taylor Marie
December 13, 2018 at 9:14 pm
My ex and I both had crushes on each other for more than 2 years now even tho we were together for only 2 months, i was sick of him not beeing able to hang out or for days passing and him forgetting to text me. He values his pride and respect a lot, making him weak sometimes. One day i was really tired of overthinking everything including if he even wanted to be with me. Non of my messages said i want to break up but they where suggestive and i was telling him how that is not relationship i want to have, he than said it might be best to break up we chatted for a while jokingly because we were good friends even before we got together. After that next month was complete silence. He would skip classes (we go to the same class) just so that he wouldnt have taken the same bus i did, or he would go out of the school running fastly for me not to notice him. He would avoid me at all costs and he would be even scared to look me in the eyes. Than in some group chat he asked me for something and we talked a little but only concerning school stuff, next day at school we finally exchanged a few words (he also never showed up on the first class in last 2-3 month because he is sleepy, but that day he was early and dressed up) now it has been few days and i feel like he is playing with me. He asked for every single one of the students for something (for example pen) but skipped out only on me and that happened a few times, also our communication that day we talked was just like it was while we were together his body language showed that he was attracted to me i caught him looking at my lips a few time and etc. Also he is really immature and tries to hide his emotions at all costs. I just dont know how i can get troughs to him, I still have very strong feelings towards him and I want us to work out but I am not sure he is ready for a relationship.(I was his first girlfriend)
Chris Seiter
December 14, 2018 at 12:40 am
Hi Taylor..think in terms of little steps. Check out my program. Attraction and connections occur and strengthen over time.
Confused person
December 12, 2018 at 6:30 am
My ex and I had been together for about 9 years, we were high school sweethearts and each other’s first love. However, after a year or two dating, he would always act distant and initiated the breakup, and we fell into that toxic on and off pattern. Our most recent breakup which he initiated again, was my last straw. I was done with this vicious cycle. It’s been a few months and we’ve had little contact in between. We would talk to each other over the phone here and there. Nothing serious. Last time we communicated, it seemed very civil and everything was fine. Now I’ve been trying to contact him about picking up his things. In the past, he expressed how he wanted it back but would always say, “next time”. I’ve sent him quite a few text messages and emails strictly about his belongings and now no response. Crickets. I’m kind of confused as to why he’s acting this way. I’m trying to move on but I can’t help to think why he isn’t responding. My emotions have been up and down throughout this process. Apart of me is afraid he’s never going to respond. Is he dragging this break up or does he not want his things anymore? I went back to NC but if you could give me some insight of why he’s acting this way, I would appreciate it.
Chris Seiter
December 13, 2018 at 12:45 am
Hi there!
I wish I know. It unusual for someone who has attachment to you for about 9 years. I could speculate, but that would do you little good. But I agree with employing NC as that may help open up his eyes that he is blowing this if he can’t get his act together. Focus this time going forward on “you” and your healing and needs.
LuLu
December 12, 2018 at 4:00 am
My ex and I got back together after 12 years apart (dated other people in between, I married and had children then separated with my husband, he had 2 serious relationships after me) but we remained friends with sporadic contact over the 12 years. Everything was going great, he met my children after a few months of being back together but I was still living with my ex husband (separate rooms and we only really slept and ate in the same house as we were both working a lot and concentrating on the children), obviously my ex I got back with was aware of this before we even got back together and as we have known each other since we were children he trusted me and I told my ex husband about him and he was happy for me and never tried to interfere or get me back at all.
Myself and my now once again boyfriend lived around 40 minutes from each other but I would stay at his as often as I could or we would have date nights or meet friends for drinks, etc. His daily contact started to become sporadic and he stopped putting ‘xxxxx’ at the end of his messages and stopped putting things like “Miss you” or “Love you” and stopped arranging our next get together so I left him to it as I didn’t want to be pushy (especially as this was one of the contributory factors from the first time we split up at 18 years old after 5 years together) and just continued with concentrating on the children, work, family and friends.
He randomly contacted me after almost 2 weeks of nothing and asked to meet for coffee, I waited a day before texting him back and said “Sounds good. When were you thinking?” He never replied so a week later I messaged him and said “Hope you’re well. I’m free next week Mon-Wed if you still fancy that coffee?” And he replied with “Sure. I’ll let you know.” And he didn’t. A week later he changed his relationship status on his Facebook account to ‘In a Relationship from ‘single’ (none of us were huge Facebook users so we didn’t change our relationship status at all when things were going well and it was actually his sister who messaged me asking if it meant we were definitely back together) so I messaged him a screenshot of his update and a ‘?’ and he replied 4 days later with “What did you expect me to do? Wait around foe you to make your mind up what you wanted?”.
This came completely out of nowhere and he then went on to get back into a Relationship with another ex (one of the 2 who he was with after myself and him the first time around) and moved away from the area to be with her.
I didn’t rage at him just asked him why he would do that without any explanation and got no response so I left it at that. Obviously I was upset and quite down and angry about it but I wasn’t going to play any stupid games.
Fast forward to just over a year later and he has been messaging me sporadically over the past year until 2 months ago when the contact became more frequent.
I don’t live with my ex husband now and I began dating someone else around 3 months ago. He is now having issues with the other ex he got back with and has moved back to the area saying they both need time and space apart to see if they can salvage anything but he has also apologised for his part in the break up between us and said that he regrets it and doesn’t know why he let his paranoia about me and my ex husband get the better of him and he now has no idea what he thinks or feels but he wants to meet me for a drink and catch up in person.
I’m unsure if it’s a good idea, namely because we have insane chemistry together and it could end up with us being intimate again but I’m not a hook up kind of woman, even with exes. But I relayed my fears to him and he said it would be just a drink and a catch up and because he missed seeing me. I told him I was daring someone and it was going well although we were taking it slow and he just badmouthed him without even knowing him.
Is he playing games?
Or does he genuinely realise what he’s lost?
Or is this because he knows I’m dating someone new and doesn’t like it?
Or is it because he knows we share this insane chemistry and he is alnost guaranteed some intimacy and company?
Should I meet him for a drink or just leave it as friends with sporadic contact?
I’ve yet to reply to him and he has messaged me 12 times since with things such as “Hi, How are you? How are things?”
Or “Still want to meet for that drink?”
Chris Seiter
December 13, 2018 at 12:49 am
Hi Lulu!
So there is a lot going on here. I don’t have answers to all our questions, but anybody that reaches as often as he is doing has either an obsessive interest or an unhealthy interest. I am wondering if he is acting from an impulsive place. I would be cautious….think little steps.
Confused
November 21, 2018 at 3:37 pm
My ex and I dated for three months and everything was perfect and we were working towards a relationship. He then attended a party for one of his friends that went to college with all of us and one of my friends was there and they talked about me and he was telling her how much he liked me and he wasn’t trying to play me or anything like that. Later that night him and some of his frat brothers were talking and they were telling him not to date me because I dated one of their other frat brothers while we were in college (him and I had discussed this and he said it was fine and didn’t matter to him and this ended about 3/4 years ago) and they were saying they would never go back to dating a girl that went to college with all of us. So the next day after he had this conversation with his friends he completely switched up and was saying we were never working towards a relationship and it was only about sex and was just being mean and rude so I said if that was the case then we should just be cool/friends. I didn’t really argue back with him and he kept trying to egg me on saying he told me we weren’t working towards a relationship even though everyone he talked to beforehand about me and myself included he discussed being in a relationship. I think it made him mad that I wasn’t going back and forth with him but I wasn’t going to waste my energy with him lying. So then he texted me two days later asking if I was done having sex with him and I didn’t respond for two days and told him “Yes if we’re not going to be in a relationship or working towards one I’m done.” He then responded with let’s just hook up one more time since that’s not going to work for him. Like he’s been a completely different person since he was at the party with all of his friends. I told him no and then he started trying to argue again about he told me we were only friends with benefits (never the case, all of the things we were doing didn’t even align with being friends with benefits). So I just ended it saying “ok, cool” and he sent a kiss emoji and I didn’t respond back. Later that night he texted me after watching my instastory asking what my plans were for the night but I had already decided to initiate no contact so I didn’t respond back and left him on read. He is one of the first people to watch everything I post on my story but I don’t watch his anymore. One of my friends that watched his the other day said he was being petty towards me in his story with his captions about his friendgiving he had at his house because originally him and I planned the whole thing and I was supposed to come help and be there but since this all has happened and we stopped talking he didn’t tell me he decided on a day and when it would be. So in his captions, he was saying things like “Only good & genuine people” or “hanging with true and close friends” which I do believe is a little shady since I was supposed to be there. It now has been Day 13 of the no contact rule and I haven’t heard anything from him and am just wondering if he’s going to ever return to his senses or did his friends really get to him and he’s going to continue for their sake that we weren’t dating or working towards a relationship.