By Chris Seiter

Updated on March 8th, 2021

There is something that I want you to get used to if you want your ex boyfriend back.

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t want you…

Now, I know that may be a bit harsh but bear with me here.

Too often have I worked with people who have fallen victim to this rhetoric that starting off your ex boyfriend wants you back. While I assume there are some cases where this occurs I can tell you pretty confidently that in most cases this is extremely rare.

In fact, I find that most ex boyfriends won’t talk to you and claim that they are truly done with you.

But then why is it that close to 43% of them end up coming back after it’s all said and done?

Is it even possible to make your ex fall in love with you again?

Well, that’s what I am going to be exploring today with this article.

A Realistic View Of Your Chances And What That Means For You 

I find it’s always helpful to take a big picture view of things when you are dealing with a scenario as deeply complex as winning an ex back.

Now, you are reading this article because you want your ex boyfriend back and he has expressed some type of sentiment that he doesn’t want you back, right?

But how often will he change his mind about you?

For the longest time this was a burning question in my mind that I felt no one really had a great answer for.

Hell, I didn’t even have a great answer for it.

I mean, when a woman would come up to me and ask,

“Chris, what kind of chance do I have here?”

I would simply say,

“It depends…”

And it does depend but that answer isn’t good enough for you, is it?

No, you are looking for something exact.

So, one day I got this crazy idea.

What if I pooled all of my success stories and knowledge together to come up with a rough percentage of success. Of course, I found that my “rough percentage” was flawed in many ways because this was a sample of the people that I have worked with.

So, I decided to up the ante and ask a few of my relationship expert peers what kind of results they were seeing.

I also wanted to include data done by researchers so that I could come up with an aggregate percentage that was trustworthy.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

So, what does all of this mumbo jumbo science talk mean for you?

Well, it means that according to my research, as a baseline, your chances check in around 43%.

Some may think that 43% is good and others may think it’s awful but you have to bear in mind. This 43% success rate is taken from a majority of people who haven’t followed the correct breakup protocol.

In other words, there is definite room for improvement on a 43% chance assuming you do the right things.

Oh, and I think perhaps it’s important to mention that the vast majority of the 43% of successes all had partners who didn’t want them back.

So, what is the secret?

How are they able to convince an ex who doesn’t want them to come back?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Changing His Mind About You, The Door To Door Salesman 

I can think of no better analogy to speak on your circumstance than the door to door salesman.

Think about it for a minute.

A door to door salesman is immediately greeted with contempt upon commencing on a sales pitch.

After all, no one likes another person spamming their life with sales pitches.

Right now, you are a door to door salesman and your ex literally wants nothing to do with you.

So, how do we change that?

Well, we need to convince him that you aren’t a door to door salesman. We have to do something to make him think the opposite.

Consider for a moment that two people are trying to sell you a product, for this articles sake lets just keep it simple and say it’s a vacuum.

So, who are the two people trying to sell you this illustrious vacuum?

  1. A door to door salesman
  2. Your best friend

The Contempt Of The Door To Door Salesman Pitch

Knock Knock….

(You answer the door…)

Hi mam,

My name is Ricky, your friendly neighborhood vacuum salesman. I wonder if I might have a moment of your day to discuss vacuums. It says here that….

(You slam the door in his face…)

It’s funny to me that people think that they are going to make sales this way.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Everything about the sleazy salesman approach turns people off.

The fact of the matter is that no one likes to feel taken advantage of or pushed too hard to buy something. In fact, when we do push someone too hard we end up pushing them away and therein lies the biggest flaw of the door to door salesman pitch.

It forces people to make a decision based on the recommendation of someone you have never met.

Now, lets compare this to an approach a best friend might take.

The Best Friend Sales Pitch

You have been BFF’s with Lisa since you were in grade school.

The two of you are two peas in a pod…

As thick as thieves…

Now, Lisa isn’t a saleswoman.

No, she is just your best friend and upon having you mention to her that your vacuum broke she decides to make a recommendation.


You know what brand works for me? Shark! It’s great, I have had it for years and it’s the best vacuum I have ever owned.

She didn’t try to sell you a vacuum.

She simply told you about her experience owning one and recommended it to you.

So, you go out and buy it.

Putting It All Together

Now, am I saying that you have to become best friends with your ex in order to get him back.

No way!

All I am saying is that your approach needs to dramatically change.

Too often I see people approaching their exes like saleswomen.

You need to come back to me because (insert reason)

You were the best thing to ever happen to me and I was the best thing to ever happen to you.

Please come back… I am nothing without you

This is completely the wrong way to approach the situation. It’s not the right way to sell yourself.

What Is The Right Way To Sell Yourself

One of the most common questions you are probably wondering at this point is if there is any way that you can change his mind about you. Seeing as how it appears he doesn’t want you in his life anymore what can you possibly do?

Well, I thought I’d start by using a pretty fun analogy.

I’m a big fan of fan of Quentin Tarantino and even though it may not seem like it since I have been churning out quite a few articles for the past few week I have been quite sick.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Now, I’m the type of person that tries to turn “being sick” into a positive.

(Yes, I’m one of those.)

So, generally when I get sick I get a lot of free time outside of work and I use it doing all kinds of nerdy things.

I play video games,

I read books,

And I watch movies,

And it just so happened that I ended up watching about 5 tarantino movies while I was sick and I couldn’t help but connect with analogy that one of his characters said in one of his movies.

In the movie, Django Unchained, Dr. King Schultz and Django decide to partner up to rescue Django’s wife who is in the clutches of a slave owner but the problem is that they have no way of being invited onto this slave owners land.

That is when Dr. King Schultz comes up with a plan,

Imagine that a man is trying to buy a horse and he knocks on a farmers door and offers to buy the farmers horse.

What does the farmer say?

He says, no.

So… the man walks up to the farmer’s farm, he knocks on the farmer’s door and asks not to buy the horse, but the farm. And makes an offer so ridiculous, the farmer is forced to say yes.

Now, why do you think I connected to this analogy?

Well, it’s because it plays on the idea of human psychology. In my experience, human beings resist change with everything they have and make no mistake about it a man trying to buy another mans horse is a pretty big change.

So, in order to get past this initial roadblock you have to do something to make it worth it.

In this example it’s offering to buy the farm at a ridiculous price but lets distill this down and connect it to your circumstance.

Right now you want your ex boyfriend back but he doesn’t want you. Of course, you are trying to change that but change doesn’t come easy. What you are currently lacking is a ridiculous offer.

Crafting Your Ridiculous Offer

So, what have we established so far?

  • Your ex doesn’t want you but you want him…
  • That your ex is going to resist change with everything that he has…
  • And that in order to get him to embrace this change you need some kind of ridiculous offer to make it worth his while….

Now, the analogy above with the farmer deals with a monetary means. In other words, offering to buy something for an outrageous amount of money. But we are dealing with something far more difficult, human relationships.

What’s more is that often you’ll find every person has a different preference for what they like in relationships and this is where knowing your ex boyfriend comes into play.

Lets pretend that I am a woman and I am trying to get my ex boyfriend back and it is time for me to craft my ridiculous offer.

How would I go about crafting my ridiculous offer?

Well, the very first thing I would do is take out a piece of paper and start listing what I know my ex is attracted to.

  • I know he likes trucks
  • I know he is a fan of sci fi movies
  • I know he enjoys a girl who isn’t overly clingy
  • You get the idea

Basically I want a cheat sheet of what my ex is attracted to and then one by one I am going to go down that list and see how many of those things I like.

Wait… Wait… I see where you are going with this. I don’t like this one bit. I shouldn’t have to become someone I’m not just to get my ex back.

Do you want me to tell you how it is or do you want me to play into the politically correct society that we live in?

Look, I am going to quote from another of my favorite movies that perfectly encapsulates how I feel about this.

What really matters is what you like, not what you are like.

-High Fidelity-

In other words, assuming all things are equal the chances are high that a man is going to be more attracted to a woman who has all of his same interests than one who doesn’t.

Now, am I saying that you need to change your whole personality to appease some “man.”

No, that is not what I am saying at all.

Instead, what I am saying is that you need to add to your personality.

Maybe I wasn’t a fan of trucks but it isn’t going to hurt me to learn everything about them.

Maybe I’m not a fan of science fiction books or movies but it won’t hurt me to read and watch a few.

Do you get where I am going with this?

Essentially my ridiculous offer is becoming someone that my ex cannot pass up on.

Now, as for how you should show your ex this ridiculous offer. Well, I’d like you to explore this website or check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO to understand my process a bit better (I can’t give you everything for free.)

I’d Like To Test Your Ridiculous Offer

Maybe your ex boyfriend has moved on…

If not, maybe he’s not responding to you or texting you back.

Whatever your situation I want to assure you that me and my team are at your disposal and I am about to prove it.

I realize that crafting a “ridiculous offer” can be a little difficult and you might need a little help.

So, here is what I am prepared to do for you today.

Spend some time brainstorming what your ridiculous offer will be. Spend some time figuring out what you need to add to your personality and put it in the comments below.

After you do that we will get back to you with what we think and any adjustments you need to make.

Sound good?

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278 thoughts on “I Want My Ex Boyfriend Back But He Doesn’t Want Me”

  1. Andrea

    May 2, 2022 at 6:24 pm

    My bf and I have been together for more than 1 half year. We had this GREAT and special connection that him and I have never had before. We’re literally soulmates. We fought a lot during the past few months (he was frustrated at work and so was I, there were a lot of things going on). He broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago, we both cried a lot, it was really unexpected. I reached him out several times to ask him why. He said he still loves me and sees a future with me but needs time for himself but that he wants to come back. The last time i called him he said he should’ve never said that to me because he doesn’t want me to wait for him and doesn’t want to be manipulative and that he won’t change his mind.

  2. Kate

    March 23, 2022 at 10:33 pm

    Hello! Hope you’re well. This is going to sound crazy. My ex and I broke up march 2020. I’ve tried every technique. No contact, subtle fun memory texts, I even dated other guys to seriously move on. But it only solicited that I feel more compatible with my ex and what I truly want in a man. He has good morals, honest, kind, funny, loyal etc. at first I wanted him back when I was emotional. It’s been 2 years I’m more level headed and still believe he was the best man for me.
    We broke up due to me not being able to handle my anxiety etc and neglected the relationship. I’ve sorted all that out with therapy and have got better coping mechanisms.
    Anyways I reached out to him on his bday and got a thank you (had been ignored all the other times before). Then sent him a video I saw and he double tapped it on insta. Ie didn’t send a message back or make convo. I left it for another 30 days and mentioned I was in the area and if he wanted to get coffee as mates. He just ignored it.
    I know everyone reading this is probably like just give up. I would tell someone in my shoes to do that too. But I want to fight for him because I truly feel like the issues we had previously don’t exist anymore.
    What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2022 at 6:31 pm

      Hi Kate, it is difficult if you have been trying to solely get your ex back for two years then I would suggest that you take a break from trying to get him back and just spend some time working on yourself and being Ungettable and start fresh with the program – the videos and articles are really useful but if you feel that you want more input then consider purchasing the program itself as there is much more support within the Facebook group too.

      If you have been in touch throughout the last two years then I would suggest that you go back into a NC just to create a little distance between you and your ex so that you can come back and reconnect fresh start. If you haven’t spoken to your ex in the last month then you could start working on the texting styles that Chris has provided in the articles and videos.

  3. Boohoo

    December 14, 2021 at 10:52 am

    Hi. My fella broke with me over 10months ago by text,saying the relationship was going nowhere. I was ill dealing with alot, I guess he didn’t feel loved (he knew all this). I sent him a email and asked him to meet me (after 10 months no contact).
    He replied said he’s not interested znd to leave him alone.
    Am over this guy and was hoping to try sort things out. Will he ever change his mind.

  4. Rebecca

    December 1, 2021 at 1:35 pm

    My boyfriend split up with me on Friday because he said he can’t cope with the arguments. I’ve been very stressed out recently with losing my job and my mum being ill. I’ve released my stress with temper and caused arguments and I’ve messed everything up. I want him back so bad, but he’s said his mind is made up but he’s agreed to meet me on Friday. How can I get him back?

  5. Sara

    November 26, 2021 at 9:10 pm

    My ex dumped me after I was going through a tough patch mentally and struggling to let him go to work. Now I love him, but he isn’t responding to any calls, texts and blocked me on Facebook. I’m thinking he wants to be single but not sure how long for and he still has pics up of us on Facebook as found out through friends. He is.doing the no contact rule on me but I keep messaging and chasing him… Any help greatly appreciated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 29, 2021 at 8:26 pm

      Start and follow the 45 day no contact rule and stick with it so that you can reach out with a text from Chris suggestions after your NC is complete and you have spent the time working on yourself.

  6. Lisa

    September 28, 2021 at 4:49 pm

    So me and my ex broke up 6 months after he ended it out of no where. Told me that day he couldn’t wait to see me and loved me. Then said you wont ever leave me will you….bang next morning he ended it. His best friend committed suicide back in feb and changed his outlook on life but we still talk everyday allday. He said he doesnt want a relationship but i just feel that there is something still there. I am unsure what to do. I get on amazingly with all his family. I miss everyone so much. He wont see me at all and i have tried everything. Any advice would be much appreciated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 3, 2021 at 4:11 pm

      Hey Lisa, so I’m not sure what advice you are looking for? But if you want to follow this program then step one is to follow the no contact rule and that includes his friends and family for at least 30 days

  7. brooke

    September 3, 2021 at 1:23 am

    hey, so my ex and i did no contact then i started a fight and now he’s been ignoring my texts and not wanting to meet up to get his stuff back and talk, i need some advice on what to do to get him back?

  8. C

    August 13, 2021 at 7:39 am

    My boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me three weeks ago. At first he said he wanted to do it so that we didn’t end up hating each other and would hopefully end up together in the long run. Last night he told me he didn’t love me any more. I have severe anxious attachment and have pushed people (romantic and non romantic relationships) away before. He was the one and I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid as he was a person I could trust completely. What do I do now?

  9. Mahlatse Maeko

    March 20, 2021 at 9:35 am

    I am so deeply hurt. It’s been 8 months we broke up. And he move on before we could break up. I still miss him and love him to hell. But I seem to be failing to win his attention back. Our break up was horrible I even had contact with his new girlfriend. I tried all the means to break them up (bad choice I know). I don’t seem being able to let him go. I love him. I am chatting with his sister and I told her how much I still feel for her younger brother.

  10. Candice

    March 13, 2021 at 11:59 am

    My ex and I haven’t been together in 3 years. I had previously broken up with him because he lacked ambition and was not a go getter like me. Couple months after I broke up with him I began a serious relationship with someone else and it broke his heart. Fast forward a year and a half I realized that my current bf and I were not compatible. My mind instantly brought me back to my ex and how much I truly missed him. Although I felt he lacked ambition he treated me very well and loved me dearly. Three years after breaking up with him I tried to text and call him but he never responded. After a couple months of attempted random texts asking him how he’s doing he finally comes around to answer. It’s undeniable our sexual chemistry and good times we have had together so I thought this is great we are going to rekindle things. He stops answering my texts/calls completely then he told me off about how I didn’t want him and left him for someone who’s more successful then him. At the time I was going through a lot with my sister moving away to another state far away from me and I didn’t know if I would be moving with her so I felt like everything was crashing down on me too fast. My ex had told me that he hasn’t been with anyone serious since me and that he hasn’t had a connection with anyone else since me. I contemplated even sending him something to his house apologizing and trying to make things right but I don’t know what I should do, my friends say leave it alone.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 8, 2021 at 9:04 pm

      Hi Candice, so I wouldn’t suggest sending anything to his house. I would suggest that you acknowledge how you made him feel, how you did technically choose to leave him because you wanted “better” than him. And now you decide you want him back he’s a little angry / hurt? I would suggest that rather than trying to get back with him “romantically” you try to just be his friend first. He is going to have a bruised ego and he blames you for that, so it may take time to build trust up again.

  11. Kerry

    March 13, 2021 at 7:26 am


    My ex bf and me had a toxic relationship, when he’s dumped me before he’s always swore at me never told me properly it’s over and after a few days or weeks he’s back. We recently split and he swore at me again, and also when I told him some good news about my sons health he said he’s happy for us both but doesn’t feel like talking. I’m confused as to thinking cause of a pattern that’s happened before (him breaking his own rules) and him not saying he’s completely done in the relationship is this a sign he may come back again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2021 at 9:52 pm

      Hi Kerry, it’s difficult for me to tell you what I think he is thinking and feeling. I would suggest that you start working the program and working on yourself.

  12. Sonya

    February 22, 2021 at 8:55 pm

    Hi I’ve been with my bf for 4yrs he has a bit of depression won’t admit to it about 2times he’s dumped me but we have got back it’s happened again I have over text do you think he will come back he has a lot of stress going on at mo with looking after his 86yr old dad & with lockdown he hates being stuck indoors please help he said he would try again but now gone back on his word & won’t talk to me do you think he means it this time how can I get him back

  13. Gabriella

    January 19, 2021 at 3:28 pm

    Hi my ex and I dated for 6months everything was going great so I thought, we broke up last month for a few days then we went back together we made a promise that we were gonna make it work and work through our issues a few weeks later I thought everything was going fine because I would ask him how he was feeling with the relationship and the way he acted towards me made it seem like we were on the right path again. Then all of a sudden he breaks up with me no warning sign or anything he doesn’t even give me a clear explanation he just says he doesn’t want to be with me and that is a good enough reason. I kinda got messy and send a bunch of text messages for him to take me back and called a lot of times to he blocked me on everything I don’t blame him cause I was calling and texting a lot but I just don’t understand what changed in him so quickly and I feel that his issue is that he doesn’t like to express his feelings and have like deep conversations he is also going through family problems. I know he said he doesn’t want me back but what we had wasn’t even a bad relationship like we were a good match or maybe I was wrong. I’m just trying to understand what to do now. Please give me advice I so need it desperately

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 19, 2021 at 8:46 pm

      Hi Gabriella, start following a 45 day no contact and read through your articles so that you can spend some time to move passed the break up and start reaching out with the texts that Chris suggests in his articles.

  14. Jane

    January 11, 2021 at 8:51 pm

    My ex and I were friends for a while and then dated for 2.5 months where we saw each other once or twice a week—so not a long time to form a strong bond.

    He said that he is attracted to me but that it didn’t feel right romantically and that he wouldn’t want to give it another go even if I did change. He wants to just be friends. B4 no contact, can I ask him “isn’t there even a tiny part of you that wants to try?”

    Or since it was such a short time will I have better luck to cut my losses and move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2021 at 10:38 pm

      Hi Jane, no I would not reach out to ask that I would suggest that you work on the Ungettable girl information apply this to yourself and be open to dating other guys so he can see other men want you and hold you at high value.

  15. Chrisy

    November 1, 2020 at 9:13 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I recently started talking again. I asked him if he would be interested in getting back together and he just said he doesn’t know and as of now doesn’t want to. Should I go back into no contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 1, 2020 at 9:32 pm

      Hey Chrisy, I would say that you need to avoid being in the friend zone so yes pull back slightly just a 21 day NC so that you re start building rapport again. Read some more articles to help you work through how the program works

  16. Paige

    September 23, 2020 at 6:09 pm

    My ex and I already have everything in common. We were two peas in a pod. He said as he was breaking up with me that it was hard for him too because I was his best friend.

    I’m at 8 weeks no contact now. I decided not to message him as per your program as I didn’t feel like I had healed enough to be ok if he didn’t respond well to me reaching out. He has not reached out once in this time. He told a mutual friend that he “knows I don’t want to be friends and don’t want anything to do with him, so he gave me that.”

    He gave me the typical “i’m not invested in this relationship anymore” and “my feelings have changed” and “I don’t see a future with you anymore” when he broke up with me two weeks after our two year anniversary.

    I’m feeling pretty hopeless about ever getting my best friend back.

  17. Katy

    September 20, 2020 at 4:46 pm

    Hi there…my ex and I have been apart for five years and we’ve recently hung out a couple of times. We did have sex, but the next time that looks like a possibility I’m prepared to tell him I can’t do that with him. We were talking last night, and I can’t remember how it came up but he said “we had our thing, it’s over now.” I was pretty devastated. I’ve never really stopped thinking of him after all this time, and I was hoping there was a chance we could get back together. He’s actually here at my place right now, but I’m worried after our conversation last night he won’t want to see me anymore. He’s leaving today to go back to work, and I don’t know if he’ll ever come back (even though he doesn’t live very far away). Is there anything I can do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 5, 2020 at 10:51 am

      Hi Katy, I would suggest that you read some articles about when you sleep with your ex and how to follow the no contact rule, and work on your Holy Trinity. If he goes to work away but lives near you then there are chances that you are going to see him again from time to time

  18. Ashley

    September 8, 2020 at 7:44 pm

    My ex broke up with me a couple days ago and said that he never want to go back to dating me again even though I make some changes and work on myself. He told me to save that for my next relationship but honestly I don’t wanna do that, and instead I want him back and I’m willing to work on myself more. I’m also inclined to try out the no contact rule, but since we’re both each other’s only friends in school and have all classes together in university, he’s always texting me about school, and just asking generally about how my day is going. Though he’s still texting me, he made it clear that he only wants a friendship. This is so hard for me to accept. In my case, how can I go about the no contact rule when there is constant communication about school and his desire of wanting a friendship.

  19. Cerys

    August 29, 2020 at 11:35 am

    Will he come back if he is a stubborn ex who has said that he doesn’t see a future with me, has felt more strongly about his previous exes and feels the spark has disappeared? I am working on my trinity and addressing the concerns he has to better myself. He has been giving mixed signals but is very stubborn.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 7, 2020 at 9:32 pm

      Hey Cerys, as long as you are working the program you have a great chance of re attracting your ex. Make sure that you are also following the no contact rule

  20. CL

    August 24, 2020 at 5:51 pm

    My boyfriend and I dated for 9 months. The last month became strained with pressure of meeting his daughter and letting his ex wife now he was moving on and avoiding drama with her. It became a very sensitive topic and we both unfortunately held each other at arms length and started shutting each other until a fight we both just ended it. I can admit I started the break up talk but of course didn’t want it over but he ran with it and said he did. Now two days later I realize he was serious but don’t want to lose the chance for us to possibly get back together when emotions calm down because even though he says it’s over and move on I think it was more out of anger and frustration. He’s a stubborn southern man. I think my ridiculous offer would golf. He bought me clubs and I haven’t taken lessons yet. He loves golfs and I know he was excited of the idea of playing together. I can focus on me and maybe some golf lessons to get his attention that I am the girl he fell in love with.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 6, 2020 at 10:09 am

      Hey CL, make sure you stick with NC through this time but yes showing that you are going golfing without him is a good move along with doing things with your friends showing you are socialising. If you want him back make sure you reach out at the end of your NC period

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