There is something that I want you to get used to if you want your ex boyfriend back.

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t want you…

Now, I know that may be a bit harsh but bear with me here.

Too often have I worked with people who have fallen victim to this rhetoric that starting off your ex boyfriend wants you back. While I assume there are some cases where this occurs I can tell you pretty confidently that in most cases this is extremely rare.

In fact, I find that most ex boyfriends won’t talk to you and claim that they are truly done with you.

But then why is it that close to 43% of them end up coming back after it’s all said and done?

Is it even possible to make your ex fall in love with you again?

Well, that’s what I am going to be exploring today with this article.

A Realistic View Of Your Chances And What That Means For You 

I find it’s always helpful to take a big picture view of things when you are dealing with a scenario as deeply complex as winning an ex back.

Now, you are reading this article because you want your ex boyfriend back and he has expressed some type of sentiment that he doesn’t want you back, right?

But how often will he change his mind about you?

For the longest time this was a burning question in my mind that I felt no one really had a great answer for.

Hell, I didn’t even have a great answer for it.

I mean, when a woman would come up to me and ask,

“Chris, what kind of chance do I have here?”

I would simply say,

“It depends…”

And it does depend but that answer isn’t good enough for you, is it?

No, you are looking for something exact.

So, one day I got this crazy idea.

What if I pooled all of my success stories and knowledge together to come up with a rough percentage of success. Of course, I found that my “rough percentage” was flawed in many ways because this was a sample of the people that I have worked with.

So, I decided to up the ante and ask a few of my relationship expert peers what kind of results they were seeing.

I also wanted to include data done by researchers so that I could come up with an aggregate percentage that was trustworthy.

So, what does all of this mumbo jumbo science talk mean for you?

Well, it means that according to my research, as a baseline, your chances check in around 43%.

Some may think that 43% is good and others may think it’s awful but you have to bear in mind. This 43% success rate is taken from a majority of people who haven’t followed the correct breakup protocol.

In other words, there is definite room for improvement on a 43% chance assuming you do the right things.

Oh, and I think perhaps it’s important to mention that the vast majority of the 43% of successes all had partners who didn’t want them back.

So, what is the secret?

How are they able to convince an ex who doesn’t want them to come back?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Changing His Mind About You, The Door To Door Salesman 

I can think of no better analogy to speak on your circumstance than the door to door salesman.

Think about it for a minute.

A door to door salesman is immediately greeted with contempt upon commencing on a sales pitch.

After all, no one likes another person spamming their life with sales pitches.

Right now, you are a door to door salesman and your ex literally wants nothing to do with you.

So, how do we change that?

Well, we need to convince him that you aren’t a door to door salesman. We have to do something to make him think the opposite.

Consider for a moment that two people are trying to sell you a product, for this articles sake lets just keep it simple and say it’s a vacuum.

So, who are the two people trying to sell you this illustrious vacuum?

  1. A door to door salesman
  2. Your best friend

The Contempt Of The Door To Door Salesman Pitch

Knock Knock….

(You answer the door…)

Hi mam,

My name is Ricky, your friendly neighborhood vacuum salesman. I wonder if I might have a moment of your day to discuss vacuums. It says here that….

(You slam the door in his face…)

It’s funny to me that people think that they are going to make sales this way.

Everything about the sleazy salesman approach turns people off.

The fact of the matter is that no one likes to feel taken advantage of or pushed too hard to buy something. In fact, when we do push someone too hard we end up pushing them away and therein lies the biggest flaw of the door to door salesman pitch.

It forces people to make a decision based on the recommendation of someone you have never met.

Now, lets compare this to an approach a best friend might take.

The Best Friend Sales Pitch

You have been BFF’s with Lisa since you were in grade school.

The two of you are two peas in a pod…

As thick as thieves…

Now, Lisa isn’t a saleswoman.

No, she is just your best friend and upon having you mention to her that your vacuum broke she decides to make a recommendation.

Hey,

You know what brand works for me? Shark! It’s great, I have had it for years and it’s the best vacuum I have ever owned.

She didn’t try to sell you a vacuum.

She simply told you about her experience owning one and recommended it to you.

So, you go out and buy it.

Putting It All Together

Now, am I saying that you have to become best friends with your ex in order to get him back.

No way!

All I am saying is that your approach needs to dramatically change.

Too often I see people approaching their exes like saleswomen.

You need to come back to me because (insert reason)

You were the best thing to ever happen to me and I was the best thing to ever happen to you.

Please come back… I am nothing without you

This is completely the wrong way to approach the situation. It’s not the right way to sell yourself.

What Is The Right Way To Sell Yourself

One of the most common questions you are probably wondering at this point is if there is any way that you can change his mind about you. Seeing as how it appears he doesn’t want you in his life anymore what can you possibly do?

Well, I thought I’d start by using a pretty fun analogy.

I’m a big fan of fan of Quentin Tarantino and even though it may not seem like it since I have been churning out quite a few articles for the past few week I have been quite sick.

Now, I’m the type of person that tries to turn “being sick” into a positive.

(Yes, I’m one of those.)

So, generally when I get sick I get a lot of free time outside of work and I use it doing all kinds of nerdy things.

I play video games,

I read books,

And I watch movies,

And it just so happened that I ended up watching about 5 tarantino movies while I was sick and I couldn’t help but connect with analogy that one of his characters said in one of his movies.

In the movie, Django Unchained, Dr. King Schultz and Django decide to partner up to rescue Django’s wife who is in the clutches of a slave owner but the problem is that they have no way of being invited onto this slave owners land.

That is when Dr. King Schultz comes up with a plan,

Imagine that a man is trying to buy a horse and he knocks on a farmers door and offers to buy the farmers horse.

What does the farmer say?

He says, no.

So… the man walks up to the farmer’s farm, he knocks on the farmer’s door and asks not to buy the horse, but the farm. And makes an offer so ridiculous, the farmer is forced to say yes.

Now, why do you think I connected to this analogy?

Well, it’s because it plays on the idea of human psychology. In my experience, human beings resist change with everything they have and make no mistake about it a man trying to buy another mans horse is a pretty big change.

So, in order to get past this initial roadblock you have to do something to make it worth it.

In this example it’s offering to buy the farm at a ridiculous price but lets distill this down and connect it to your circumstance.

Right now you want your ex boyfriend back but he doesn’t want you. Of course, you are trying to change that but change doesn’t come easy. What you are currently lacking is a ridiculous offer.

Crafting Your Ridiculous Offer

So, what have we established so far?

  • Your ex doesn’t want you but you want him…
  • That your ex is going to resist change with everything that he has…
  • And that in order to get him to embrace this change you need some kind of ridiculous offer to make it worth his while….

Now, the analogy above with the farmer deals with a monetary means. In other words, offering to buy something for an outrageous amount of money. But we are dealing with something far more difficult, human relationships.

What’s more is that often you’ll find every person has a different preference for what they like in relationships and this is where knowing your ex boyfriend comes into play.

Lets pretend that I am a woman and I am trying to get my ex boyfriend back and it is time for me to craft my ridiculous offer.

How would I go about crafting my ridiculous offer?

Well, the very first thing I would do is take out a piece of paper and start listing what I know my ex is attracted to.

  • I know he likes trucks
  • I know he is a fan of sci fi movies
  • I know he enjoys a girl who isn’t overly clingy
  • You get the idea

Basically I want a cheat sheet of what my ex is attracted to and then one by one I am going to go down that list and see how many of those things I like.

Wait… Wait… I see where you are going with this. I don’t like this one bit. I shouldn’t have to become someone I’m not just to get my ex back.

Do you want me to tell you how it is or do you want me to play into the politically correct society that we live in?

Look, I am going to quote from another of my favorite movies that perfectly encapsulates how I feel about this.

What really matters is what you like, not what you are like.

-High Fidelity-

In other words, assuming all things are equal the chances are high that a man is going to be more attracted to a woman who has all of his same interests than one who doesn’t.

Now, am I saying that you need to change your whole personality to appease some “man.”

No, that is not what I am saying at all.

Instead, what I am saying is that you need to add to your personality.

Maybe I wasn’t a fan of trucks but it isn’t going to hurt me to learn everything about them.

Maybe I’m not a fan of science fiction books or movies but it won’t hurt me to read and watch a few.

Do you get where I am going with this?

Essentially my ridiculous offer is becoming someone that my ex cannot pass up on.

Now, as for how you should show your ex this ridiculous offer. Well, I’d like you to explore this website or check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO to understand my process a bit better (I can’t give you everything for free.)

I’d Like To Test Your Ridiculous Offer

Maybe your ex boyfriend has moved on…

If not, maybe he’s not responding to you or texting you back.

Whatever your situation I want to assure you that me and my team are at your disposal and I am about to prove it.

I realize that crafting a “ridiculous offer” can be a little difficult and you might need a little help.

So, here is what I am prepared to do for you today.

Spend some time brainstorming what your ridiculous offer will be. Spend some time figuring out what you need to add to your personality and put it in the comments below.

After you do that we will get back to you with what we think and any adjustments you need to make.

Sound good?

What to Read Next

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257 thoughts on “I Want My Ex Boyfriend Back But He Doesn’t Want Me”

  1. Avatar

    Chrisy

    November 1, 2020 at 9:13 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I recently started talking again. I asked him if he would be interested in getting back together and he just said he doesn’t know and as of now doesn’t want to. Should I go back into no contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 1, 2020 at 9:32 pm

      Hey Chrisy, I would say that you need to avoid being in the friend zone so yes pull back slightly just a 21 day NC so that you re start building rapport again. Read some more articles to help you work through how the program works

  2. Avatar

    Paige

    September 23, 2020 at 6:09 pm

    My ex and I already have everything in common. We were two peas in a pod. He said as he was breaking up with me that it was hard for him too because I was his best friend.

    I’m at 8 weeks no contact now. I decided not to message him as per your program as I didn’t feel like I had healed enough to be ok if he didn’t respond well to me reaching out. He has not reached out once in this time. He told a mutual friend that he “knows I don’t want to be friends and don’t want anything to do with him, so he gave me that.”

    He gave me the typical “i’m not invested in this relationship anymore” and “my feelings have changed” and “I don’t see a future with you anymore” when he broke up with me two weeks after our two year anniversary.

    I’m feeling pretty hopeless about ever getting my best friend back.

  3. Avatar

    Katy

    September 20, 2020 at 4:46 pm

    Hi there…my ex and I have been apart for five years and we’ve recently hung out a couple of times. We did have sex, but the next time that looks like a possibility I’m prepared to tell him I can’t do that with him. We were talking last night, and I can’t remember how it came up but he said “we had our thing, it’s over now.” I was pretty devastated. I’ve never really stopped thinking of him after all this time, and I was hoping there was a chance we could get back together. He’s actually here at my place right now, but I’m worried after our conversation last night he won’t want to see me anymore. He’s leaving today to go back to work, and I don’t know if he’ll ever come back (even though he doesn’t live very far away). Is there anything I can do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 5, 2020 at 10:51 am

      Hi Katy, I would suggest that you read some articles about when you sleep with your ex and how to follow the no contact rule, and work on your Holy Trinity. If he goes to work away but lives near you then there are chances that you are going to see him again from time to time

  4. Avatar

    Ashley

    September 8, 2020 at 7:44 pm

    My ex broke up with me a couple days ago and said that he never want to go back to dating me again even though I make some changes and work on myself. He told me to save that for my next relationship but honestly I don’t wanna do that, and instead I want him back and I’m willing to work on myself more. I’m also inclined to try out the no contact rule, but since we’re both each other’s only friends in school and have all classes together in university, he’s always texting me about school, and just asking generally about how my day is going. Though he’s still texting me, he made it clear that he only wants a friendship. This is so hard for me to accept. In my case, how can I go about the no contact rule when there is constant communication about school and his desire of wanting a friendship.

  5. Avatar

    Cerys

    August 29, 2020 at 11:35 am

    Will he come back if he is a stubborn ex who has said that he doesn’t see a future with me, has felt more strongly about his previous exes and feels the spark has disappeared? I am working on my trinity and addressing the concerns he has to better myself. He has been giving mixed signals but is very stubborn.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 7, 2020 at 9:32 pm

      Hey Cerys, as long as you are working the program you have a great chance of re attracting your ex. Make sure that you are also following the no contact rule

  6. Avatar

    CL

    August 24, 2020 at 5:51 pm

    My boyfriend and I dated for 9 months. The last month became strained with pressure of meeting his daughter and letting his ex wife now he was moving on and avoiding drama with her. It became a very sensitive topic and we both unfortunately held each other at arms length and started shutting each other until a fight we both just ended it. I can admit I started the break up talk but of course didn’t want it over but he ran with it and said he did. Now two days later I realize he was serious but don’t want to lose the chance for us to possibly get back together when emotions calm down because even though he says it’s over and move on I think it was more out of anger and frustration. He’s a stubborn southern man. I think my ridiculous offer would golf. He bought me clubs and I haven’t taken lessons yet. He loves golfs and I know he was excited of the idea of playing together. I can focus on me and maybe some golf lessons to get his attention that I am the girl he fell in love with.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 6, 2020 at 10:09 am

      Hey CL, make sure you stick with NC through this time but yes showing that you are going golfing without him is a good move along with doing things with your friends showing you are socialising. If you want him back make sure you reach out at the end of your NC period

  7. Avatar

    Jan

    July 29, 2020 at 6:18 pm

    What about that my ex who reply to my text, but not initiate any conversation anymore. I used to be the more shy passive one. And, we hooked also, can’t blame him, I knew our sex was great and he’s into some dirty talk thing, I kind of seduced him. But he doesn’t look like miss me emotionally at all, could he remember the good times later? But we broken up 5 months already. It’s there no chance but to move on. I was not that into work out but I started the routine lately although I have slim body with doing sport. It was when he break up with me, he said our interests are not alike and he has been not too happy in the relationship (I honestly didn’t sense, last meeting before break up was sweet, he even still make some sweet face when hooking up with me now) It’s look like no chances, move on and give up or still wait and try?? I have still way much feeling for him!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 12:57 pm

      Hi Jan, so you need to stop meeting him and sleeping with him you are making your situation a friends with benefits which is often difficult to get a relationship back from that. You need to follow a NO CONTACT for at least 45 days to make this program work for you. And work on your Holy trinity too

  8. Avatar

    Sabina

    July 13, 2020 at 1:56 am

    Hi
    We were in a long distance relationship for 7years. Several time we fight and get back to each other. But this time nothing works. The issue is why I’m talking with other mens in Fb. I was so angry and when he said it’s over I let him go. We didn’t contact to each other for last 17days. Now I am getting sick day by day. I told him all this but he didn’t believe me. He told me that he doesn’t want me anymore. He can’t trust me. I told him I’ll fix them all but… nothing works help me please I want to marry him.. we promised but now he doesn’t want

  9. Avatar

    Jennifer

    June 18, 2020 at 6:30 pm

    Hi, me and my boyfriend split up just over a week ago now. It’s our second breakup, and he doesn’t seem like he is going to change his mind. We are still friendly and still care for each other, but he said he doesn’t love me in that way anymore. He said he doesn’t want a relationship but we were together for 2 years. I love him so much and I wish there was something I could say to change his mind, but he is keeping himself distracted with things and not really reflecting on what has happened. I told him I was on a dating app and he didn’t want to hear anything about it. I was quite dependent on him as I suffer from mental health issues and he was who I turned to for it. He wanted more space and time which I was always reluctant to because of this, but we’ve gone from living together to being apart. I want him back but I don’t know what I can do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 27, 2020 at 7:06 pm

      Hey Jennifer, if you want to try get your ex back then you need to read and follow the advice given in the articles starting with a No Contact for at least 30 days

  10. Avatar

    Shrushti

    May 28, 2020 at 3:47 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago.We had a relationship of more than 3 years.Out of which we were in a long distance relationship for almost 1 year.During that span of time he visited me twice.When we were together we used to live together all the time and like to be together.We had fights earlier but we resolved them all and lived happily. When we got separated he went back home.once we had fight and he told he is not feeling anything for me and broke up.I cried and literally begged infront of him.He returned and visited me.Everything got settled.he loved me like he loved me before. Suddenly I became more possesive for him.Next time we had fight he didn’t tried hard to convince him. Things started to change and he told me he didn’t want to be in this relationship but loves me.
    Please help
    I really love him and does not want to lose him.He says he don’t want to be in relationship but neither he wants to lose me. I really want my relationship to work and succeed.

  11. Avatar

    Laura

    May 20, 2020 at 6:48 pm

    Hi,

    We dated for 6 months and he broke up with me less than a week ago. Things became strained with the pandemic and both of our living situations changed. He called to breakup with me and was crying very hard. He said he loved me very much but had to end it. He seemed hesitant to say why but eventually said he wanted to focus on his health as he was recently diagnosed with a semi-serious, but common medical issue. It was as good of a breakup could have went. No hostility and he said he loved me and I was the greatest woman he ever dated. The following day he sent me a long message using the nickname only he calls me. It was loving but he seemed pretty sure that this was the right call for him. He told me to move on with his blessing. He also said the pandemic had an effect on our relationship as we are both living with family and can’t get time alone. He needed to use this time to work on himself and said it had nothing to do with anything I could’ve done differently. While that sounds nice, if I’m being honest I became very clingy and irritable with the pandemic happening and didn’t respect his wishes for more space. I’m fairly certain that’s the real reason he wanted out. I responded to his text right away in a loving manner but telling him I wasn’t ready to talk. I asked him to consider meeting me in a few weeks but would respect whatever he wanted. He never responded to that text. Since the breakup he has been posting about “change” and how it’s really hard but necessary. Seeing that breaks my heart! I really believe he was my soul mate. How do I better my chances of getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 11:25 am

      Hey Laura, I would suggest that you start following the program with No Contact (this also includes social media) and just focusing on your Holy Trinity before reaching out to him in 30 days time.

  12. Avatar

    Ashley

    May 19, 2020 at 8:19 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend because I thought I was a rebound, when I wasn’t. But he had broken up with me a few weeks prior because of issues we were having. He said “it’s not working” and that I have a temper and I’m too sensitive. But he immediately changed his mind that day after I cried and cried for him back, not a proud moment… that really stuck with me and then the next day I found out he reached out to his ex of 4 years (the one I assumed I was a rebound for) to wish her a happy birthday through her mom..? That was a red flag and it made me feel horrible, this led to the break up a few days ago. But when he didn’t chase after me at all and just agreed And once again stated “it hasn’t been working” I felt even more worthless and heartbroken. I do love him and I believe he loves me. He has been really good to me, but I do overthink and jump to conclusions rather than talking them out. We’ve only been together for 4 months though so I can’t help but think he is done. I know he’s attracted to an active woman, recently I started running with him before all of this. He would make comments about me looking sporty and how it was sexy to him. He also loves his dog, which I do too but I always told him he needed more training and I wasn’t a fan of his drool, and he didn’t like that. So I know that’s another aspect to work on. He loves the beach, like me. He is also obsessed with his motorcycle and has been wanting me to learn how to ride it for awhile but it just hadn’t happened yet. I sent a long text about how I think we can get through this but we both need some time and that I love him. I also said for him to not reply right away and just take some time and that he needs to focus on a job interview this Thursday and that we can talk this weekend maybe? I just hope he comes around and wants to be with me. I can’t imagine him giving up this easily if he really loves me…

  13. Avatar

    Chandni

    May 19, 2020 at 4:55 pm

    My boyfriend and me have been dating for more than one year. But suddenly he wants break up after an argument which we had in the starting of may . I said sorry since it was my mistake but he wants break up . I tried each and everything to make him stay but he gave up nd he said he is not happy with me since I don’t trust him and doubts on him on every girl he talks. I tried everything I said him to give me a last chance nd he even gave me he said that to change myself like in terms of irritating,trust and all. I accepted that but he gave no interest .. hardly he replies and gives me time . Since 18 days I am trying each and everything to make him feel good to make him feel about me that how much I love him but he shows no interest in chatting it’s like he is doing a duty in this tagged relationship . That’s why I faced him directly aftr 18 days and asked him eat he wants but still his reply was to so break up . He said he was testing me that how much I have changed and how much patience I have but when I argued with him after so many days he said that I couldn’t hold my patience and I didn’t change for good . So he again wants to do breakup. I really don’t know what to do . How to change his mind . Please me how to make him feel about me . I really love him he is too negative and thinks I will harm him that’s why he is always rude and stubborn and too much egotistic towards me . Please help me.

  14. Avatar

    Dee

    May 15, 2020 at 12:43 pm

    My ex and I broke up months ago, have not been good for a long time. Recently I been seeing a therapist and adjusting my trust issues and insecurities. We been through a lot and it wasn’t pretty. With the past it was hard not to throw accusations at him and let go of the past, but I’ve built my confidence back and learned about myself with learning to trust him more….he’s a father to my child and we currently live together because we had got a house together we still go about our daily business we really don’t see each other because he works overnight and I work during the day and Saturday’s he works and sleeps in the day. Things have been pretty good not bad these couple weeks we recently had a great Mother’s Day he was reminiscing on when we first met I guess and I question on it but he said he doesn’t want us to be together but that he loves me and for me to get myself better to keep processing and he doesn’t wanna hinder my progress Or get in the way and that he’s purposely distancing himself so things have been pretty good not bad these couple weeks we recently had a great Mother’s Day he was reminiscing on when we first met and I question on it but he doesn’t want us together but that he loves me for me to get myself better to keep processing and he doesn’t wanna hinder my promise I get in the way and that he’s purposely distancing himself. Then he told me if I feel I want to move out that I can or I can stay as long as I want here at the house that he’s not going anywhere and he’s not worried about being with another person right now or ready for relationship any more and he doesn’t want things to be like before because if we argue and it gets like the past I will have to leave the way we used to be is not the way he wants things to be between us he just wants me happy and he doesn’t want things to go back to how they were. He said I love seeing you happy and right now you seem happy with your progress He says he wishes things were different and that he thinks about trying again or it crosses his mind but he knows we are not good together anymore that his feelings changed….it breaks my heart to know my daughter won’t always have daddy around

  15. Avatar

    San

    May 13, 2020 at 6:22 pm

    My boyfriend and I had been dating for more than 2 years and had lots of on and off break ups. But recently I felt that I’m annoying him and he is more distant than usual. I told him I loved him but he didn’t even bother to reply with anything and changed the subject so I asked him (stupid me) if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and he said “yes, did you just realized that?” … I don’t know what to say and looking back at our relationship, I felt he’s telling me the truth. I love him a lot but he won’t even speak to me and won’t even bother. I’m always the one who loves and cares a lot about him and basically gave him all my attention but he never do that. He won’t even console me when I’m mad at him hé said it’s childish and I shouldn’t expect any consolation from him when I’m mad.

  16. Avatar

    Rachel

    May 3, 2020 at 1:39 am

    Hi. I apologize for the length. So my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. We were dating for a total of 10 months, 6 without a label, 4 in an official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Before that we were friends for a year. My feelings are and have always been stronger and more developed than his, while before dating me he was getting over an unrequited love for one of his other friends (he’s over it now). During the 10 months we “broke up” twice before this one. The first was about a month and a half in where he had a day where he didn’t feel particularly affectionate and decided to break it off. The second was because I wanted a committed relationship when he wasn’t ready. After a week long break we continued dating and 2 months later he made the commitment. This time however he seemed to definitely break it off for good. We don’t live together and with social isolation in effect, we were relying on video chat to do fun activities. However recently we’ve been having more bad arguments and issues. Eventually he told me he felt nothing for me since we started social distancing. And that he was never really into our relationship or really in love with me. His feelings never felt as intense as his previous relationships and his crush and he thought it was a bad sign that his feelings for me faded when we switched to being online. And he told me I express myself in ways that he doesn’t typically look for other people (ie. I behave in ways he’s indifferent to and there may be too many indifferent qualities about me compared to the ones he’s attracted to). I asked him what he meant and he said he can’t tell me what they are because he didn’t want to go there and they weren’t bad things, just stuff he was indifferent to and I shouldn’t try to change myself. I’ve initiated a 30 day no contact. I’m already into all of his interests and I’m trying to work on myself but I don’t know what he liked about his exs or crush or how they behaved so I can’t develop their qualities. Is there anything else I could do to improve my chances of getting him to be my boyfriend again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 9, 2020 at 5:31 pm

      Hey Rachel, I am replying to both your comments in one here.

      Your texting and him being positive is a good thing. What you need to do is test the push and pull theory where you flirt a little and then pull back. There is a great video about this on Youtube for you to watch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0Jz_FJxi50&t=67s

  17. Avatar

    Ben

    May 2, 2020 at 9:59 am

    My ex and I broke up in January 2020 due to lots of petty fights from insecurities from both sides, since then we have tried NC a few times but both break it and talk, even met up a few times. When the lockdown took place we spoke for an amazing 3 weeks, it was fresh and felt new and amazing, but I got overly jealous when I found out he was talking to another man. He has reassured me he is a friend and i do believe him but from my jealously our fights and bicars became every day again. Last night we had a long phone call where we both say we are so tired of the fights, he doesn’t want a relationship with me or anyone at the moment but all i do is think and I know we have the potential to be so happy together. Should I try the NC rule again? Im worried that i have lost him for good.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 8:15 pm

      Hi Ben, I would suggest that you follow a 45 day NC as your conversation was emotional and speaking of getting back together you need a reset. This way you can work on yourself and your insecurities and also work on hiding your emotions when you feel such things as jealousy or envy that he is speaking to another man. He is currently single so he can speak to as many as he wants, your mission is to be the “best” one he realises that no one else measures to you, how you are perfect for him. Read about the Holy Trinity and becoming Ungettable

  18. Avatar

    Helene

    April 28, 2020 at 3:25 pm

    I met my ex 9 months ago. Things were great at first and he seemed very understanding when I explained him that I wasn’t ready for anything serious. He had just broken up a month earlier himself. I have never felt being accepted so fully, treated so nicely or laughed so hard with someone. However I had really bad scars from previous relationships and commitment issues. I didn’t trust myself that I was making the right decision by being with him. I was falling in love with him but I was constantly downplaying him in my head due to my issues.
    Things started to change for worse about six months ago when basically everything that could go wrong in his personal life did and he admitted to me that he is depressed and self-medicating himself with drugs every now and then. He started blaming me for not being there for him and we tried to break up multiple times the following months and be just friends but spiralled back every time. The fights got worse and there were incidents where I didn’t even know I did something wrong. He accused me of cheating on him which I hadn’t. I would walk on eggshells around him because anything I did could annoy him.
    We have now been broken up ”for real” for about a month after The last huge fight, I poured my heart out to him on how much I love him but don’t want this behaviour any longer and he told me he doesn’t want anything to do with me. He blocked me on social media. I did NC for almost three weeks and was working on myself but secretly hoped he would come back with a huge romantic gesture.
    No romantic gesture but he reached out asking if we could talk because time apart made him realise he missed me. I was hesitant and he was being persistent. I had decided I didn’t want him but hoped he would ”prove” that he was serious. Then came two nights ago when I got blackout drunk, called him to hook up but afterwards I completely freaked out and left, I mean I was panicking and irrational. I screwed up the situation, badly.
    Next day he said he was done. And I knew I want to be with him, like we used to in the beginning. We met yesterday and I told him that I don’t want to go back but build our relationship from the scratch again. He said he had had that in mind but after seeing my latest behaviour he is not over me but he is completely over the thought of us. He didn’t show any emotions. He also told me he hasn’t given up the drugs (I thought he had because he told me that’s what he wanted). Afterwards I sent him a long message explaining myself further but no response.
    Is too much damage done? Am I being blind and is this even worth saving? I love him, I really do and wish I could be there to support but don’t know how. Is there anything I can do in my power to get him back but in a healthy relationship?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 6, 2020 at 8:13 pm

      Hi Helene, my honest view on this is that you need to take time apart from any relationships. And work on yourself. Read about the holy trinity that we speak on in this process, where you work on your health, wealth and relationships. Right now you need to focus on your health. Your issues from your previous relationships is going to ruin any future ones unless you deal with the emotional issues you carry. Along with learning about and how to control your emotions. I don’t think the mix of you both is healthy right now, you need a complete 45 days apart of no contact and even then you need to asses where you both are at that time.

  19. Avatar

    Stacey

    April 27, 2020 at 7:35 am

    Hi. Me and my boyfriend had been together 9 and a half years, he dumped me 4 weeks ago as he didn’t love me anymore. Won’t speak to me about it at all, he’s blocked my number. He had moved on to someone he met 3 weeks ago at work (we work together,I will soon be his boss). I have tried no contact and then failed as I found out he had lied about seeing this girl. He is 34 I am 32. The new girl is 25 and the complete opposite to me. I am struggling with how you. Can throw 9 and a half years away for no solid reason and then move on so quickly. He should’ve been proposing this week on my birthday (apparently), and we would’ve moved out this year as we have both just signed new contracts for nights to finally get moved on together. I don’t understand any of it. Please help x

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 1:18 pm

      Hi Stacey, it sounds as if your ex is having a grass is greener situation, this is tough as you work together you are going to have to remain porfessional in work and then follow a limited no contact, where you only speak with him in work about work and nothing else. He has most likely blocked you as he is at the moment in the “honeymoon” phase of his relationship with the new woman. The best thing for you to do is work on your Holy Trinity through your no contact which needs to be 45 days. Then you need to start following the being there method – all this information is on this website and in Chris’ videos on YouTube too

  20. Avatar

    Joan

    April 16, 2020 at 3:04 pm

    Hi, me and my boyfriend were together for a couple of weeks but we decided to end it because none of us could help each other. I have borderline personality disorder which makes it hard for me to stay in relationships, but this one hit differently. It was a long distant relationship, but we’d call 11h+ in one day and we’d always be there for each other whenever we had problems. The only problem was the fact that he thought that it was mentally exhausting like a therapist session. Is it possible to him back? We’ve broken up for a couple of days now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 1:33 pm

      Hi Joan, it is possible as your relationship was so short that it didnt have that much time to be a good or bad relationship. What you may find is that you need to complete a 21 day NC before your ex is ready to talk to you again

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