There is something that I want you to get used to if you want your ex boyfriend back.

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t want you…

Now, I know that may be a bit harsh but bear with me here.

Too often have I worked with people who have fallen victim to this rhetoric that starting off your ex boyfriend wants you back. While I assume there are some cases where this occurs I can tell you pretty confidently that in most cases this is extremely rare.

In fact, I find that most ex boyfriends won’t talk to you and claim that they are truly done with you.

But then why is it that close to 43% of them end up coming back after it’s all said and done?

Is it even possible to make your ex fall in love with you again?

Well, that’s what I am going to be exploring today with this article.

A Realistic View Of Your Chances And What That Means For You 

I find it’s always helpful to take a big picture view of things when you are dealing with a scenario as deeply complex as winning an ex back.

Now, you are reading this article because you want your ex boyfriend back and he has expressed some type of sentiment that he doesn’t want you back, right?

But how often will he change his mind about you?

For the longest time this was a burning question in my mind that I felt no one really had a great answer for.

Hell, I didn’t even have a great answer for it.

I mean, when a woman would come up to me and ask,

“Chris, what kind of chance do I have here?”

I would simply say,

“It depends…”

And it does depend but that answer isn’t good enough for you, is it?

No, you are looking for something exact.

So, one day I got this crazy idea.

What if I pooled all of my success stories and knowledge together to come up with a rough percentage of success. Of course, I found that my “rough percentage” was flawed in many ways because this was a sample of the people that I have worked with.

So, I decided to up the ante and ask a few of my relationship expert peers what kind of results they were seeing.

I also wanted to include data done by researchers so that I could come up with an aggregate percentage that was trustworthy.

So, what does all of this mumbo jumbo science talk mean for you?

Well, it means that according to my research, as a baseline, your chances check in around 43%.

Some may think that 43% is good and others may think it’s awful but you have to bear in mind. This 43% success rate is taken from a majority of people who haven’t followed the correct breakup protocol.

In other words, there is definite room for improvement on a 43% chance assuming you do the right things.

Oh, and I think perhaps it’s important to mention that the vast majority of the 43% of successes all had partners who didn’t want them back.

So, what is the secret?

How are they able to convince an ex who doesn’t want them to come back?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Changing His Mind About You, The Door To Door Salesman 

I can think of no better analogy to speak on your circumstance than the door to door salesman.

Think about it for a minute.

A door to door salesman is immediately greeted with contempt upon commencing on a sales pitch.

After all, no one likes another person spamming their life with sales pitches.

Right now, you are a door to door salesman and your ex literally wants nothing to do with you.

So, how do we change that?

Well, we need to convince him that you aren’t a door to door salesman. We have to do something to make him think the opposite.

Consider for a moment that two people are trying to sell you a product, for this articles sake lets just keep it simple and say it’s a vacuum.

So, who are the two people trying to sell you this illustrious vacuum?

  1. A door to door salesman
  2. Your best friend

The Contempt Of The Door To Door Salesman Pitch

Knock Knock….

(You answer the door…)

Hi mam,

My name is Ricky, your friendly neighborhood vacuum salesman. I wonder if I might have a moment of your day to discuss vacuums. It says here that….

(You slam the door in his face…)

It’s funny to me that people think that they are going to make sales this way.

Everything about the sleazy salesman approach turns people off.

The fact of the matter is that no one likes to feel taken advantage of or pushed too hard to buy something. In fact, when we do push someone too hard we end up pushing them away and therein lies the biggest flaw of the door to door salesman pitch.

It forces people to make a decision based on the recommendation of someone you have never met.

Now, lets compare this to an approach a best friend might take.

The Best Friend Sales Pitch

You have been BFF’s with Lisa since you were in grade school.

The two of you are two peas in a pod…

As thick as thieves…

Now, Lisa isn’t a saleswoman.

No, she is just your best friend and upon having you mention to her that your vacuum broke she decides to make a recommendation.

Hey,

You know what brand works for me? Shark! It’s great, I have had it for years and it’s the best vacuum I have ever owned.

She didn’t try to sell you a vacuum.

She simply told you about her experience owning one and recommended it to you.

So, you go out and buy it.

Putting It All Together

Now, am I saying that you have to become best friends with your ex in order to get him back.

No way!

All I am saying is that your approach needs to dramatically change.

Too often I see people approaching their exes like saleswomen.

You need to come back to me because (insert reason)

You were the best thing to ever happen to me and I was the best thing to ever happen to you.

Please come back… I am nothing without you

This is completely the wrong way to approach the situation. It’s not the right way to sell yourself.

What Is The Right Way To Sell Yourself

One of the most common questions you are probably wondering at this point is if there is any way that you can change his mind about you. Seeing as how it appears he doesn’t want you in his life anymore what can you possibly do?

Well, I thought I’d start by using a pretty fun analogy.

I’m a big fan of fan of Quentin Tarantino and even though it may not seem like it since I have been churning out quite a few articles for the past few week I have been quite sick.

Now, I’m the type of person that tries to turn “being sick” into a positive.

(Yes, I’m one of those.)

So, generally when I get sick I get a lot of free time outside of work and I use it doing all kinds of nerdy things.

I play video games,

I read books,

And I watch movies,

And it just so happened that I ended up watching about 5 tarantino movies while I was sick and I couldn’t help but connect with analogy that one of his characters said in one of his movies.

In the movie, Django Unchained, Dr. King Schultz and Django decide to partner up to rescue Django’s wife who is in the clutches of a slave owner but the problem is that they have no way of being invited onto this slave owners land.

That is when Dr. King Schultz comes up with a plan,

Imagine that a man is trying to buy a horse and he knocks on a farmers door and offers to buy the farmers horse.

What does the farmer say?

He says, no.

So… the man walks up to the farmer’s farm, he knocks on the farmer’s door and asks not to buy the horse, but the farm. And makes an offer so ridiculous, the farmer is forced to say yes.

Now, why do you think I connected to this analogy?

Well, it’s because it plays on the idea of human psychology. In my experience, human beings resist change with everything they have and make no mistake about it a man trying to buy another mans horse is a pretty big change.

So, in order to get past this initial roadblock you have to do something to make it worth it.

In this example it’s offering to buy the farm at a ridiculous price but lets distill this down and connect it to your circumstance.

Right now you want your ex boyfriend back but he doesn’t want you. Of course, you are trying to change that but change doesn’t come easy. What you are currently lacking is a ridiculous offer.

Crafting Your Ridiculous Offer

So, what have we established so far?

  • Your ex doesn’t want you but you want him…
  • That your ex is going to resist change with everything that he has…
  • And that in order to get him to embrace this change you need some kind of ridiculous offer to make it worth his while….

Now, the analogy above with the farmer deals with a monetary means. In other words, offering to buy something for an outrageous amount of money. But we are dealing with something far more difficult, human relationships.

What’s more is that often you’ll find every person has a different preference for what they like in relationships and this is where knowing your ex boyfriend comes into play.

Lets pretend that I am a woman and I am trying to get my ex boyfriend back and it is time for me to craft my ridiculous offer.

How would I go about crafting my ridiculous offer?

Well, the very first thing I would do is take out a piece of paper and start listing what I know my ex is attracted to.

  • I know he likes trucks
  • I know he is a fan of sci fi movies
  • I know he enjoys a girl who isn’t overly clingy
  • You get the idea

Basically I want a cheat sheet of what my ex is attracted to and then one by one I am going to go down that list and see how many of those things I like.

Wait… Wait… I see where you are going with this. I don’t like this one bit. I shouldn’t have to become someone I’m not just to get my ex back.

Do you want me to tell you how it is or do you want me to play into the politically correct society that we live in?

Look, I am going to quote from another of my favorite movies that perfectly encapsulates how I feel about this.

What really matters is what you like, not what you are like.

-High Fidelity-

In other words, assuming all things are equal the chances are high that a man is going to be more attracted to a woman who has all of his same interests than one who doesn’t.

Now, am I saying that you need to change your whole personality to appease some “man.”

No, that is not what I am saying at all.

Instead, what I am saying is that you need to add to your personality.

Maybe I wasn’t a fan of trucks but it isn’t going to hurt me to learn everything about them.

Maybe I’m not a fan of science fiction books or movies but it won’t hurt me to read and watch a few.

Do you get where I am going with this?

Essentially my ridiculous offer is becoming someone that my ex cannot pass up on.

Now, as for how you should show your ex this ridiculous offer. Well, I’d like you to explore this website or check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO to understand my process a bit better (I can’t give you everything for free.)

I’d Like To Test Your Ridiculous Offer

Maybe your ex boyfriend has moved on…

If not, maybe he’s not responding to you or texting you back.

Whatever your situation I want to assure you that me and my team are at your disposal and I am about to prove it.

I realize that crafting a “ridiculous offer” can be a little difficult and you might need a little help.

So, here is what I am prepared to do for you today.

Spend some time brainstorming what your ridiculous offer will be. Spend some time figuring out what you need to add to your personality and put it in the comments below.

After you do that we will get back to you with what we think and any adjustments you need to make.

Sound good?

What to Read Next

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239 thoughts on “I Want My Ex Boyfriend Back But He Doesn’t Want Me”

  1. Avatar

    Ashley

    May 19, 2020 at 8:19 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend because I thought I was a rebound, when I wasn’t. But he had broken up with me a few weeks prior because of issues we were having. He said “it’s not working” and that I have a temper and I’m too sensitive. But he immediately changed his mind that day after I cried and cried for him back, not a proud moment… that really stuck with me and then the next day I found out he reached out to his ex of 4 years (the one I assumed I was a rebound for) to wish her a happy birthday through her mom..? That was a red flag and it made me feel horrible, this led to the break up a few days ago. But when he didn’t chase after me at all and just agreed And once again stated “it hasn’t been working” I felt even more worthless and heartbroken. I do love him and I believe he loves me. He has been really good to me, but I do overthink and jump to conclusions rather than talking them out. We’ve only been together for 4 months though so I can’t help but think he is done. I know he’s attracted to an active woman, recently I started running with him before all of this. He would make comments about me looking sporty and how it was sexy to him. He also loves his dog, which I do too but I always told him he needed more training and I wasn’t a fan of his drool, and he didn’t like that. So I know that’s another aspect to work on. He loves the beach, like me. He is also obsessed with his motorcycle and has been wanting me to learn how to ride it for awhile but it just hadn’t happened yet. I sent a long text about how I think we can get through this but we both need some time and that I love him. I also said for him to not reply right away and just take some time and that he needs to focus on a job interview this Thursday and that we can talk this weekend maybe? I just hope he comes around and wants to be with me. I can’t imagine him giving up this easily if he really loves me…

  2. Avatar

    Chandni

    May 19, 2020 at 4:55 pm

    My boyfriend and me have been dating for more than one year. But suddenly he wants break up after an argument which we had in the starting of may . I said sorry since it was my mistake but he wants break up . I tried each and everything to make him stay but he gave up nd he said he is not happy with me since I don’t trust him and doubts on him on every girl he talks. I tried everything I said him to give me a last chance nd he even gave me he said that to change myself like in terms of irritating,trust and all. I accepted that but he gave no interest .. hardly he replies and gives me time . Since 18 days I am trying each and everything to make him feel good to make him feel about me that how much I love him but he shows no interest in chatting it’s like he is doing a duty in this tagged relationship . That’s why I faced him directly aftr 18 days and asked him eat he wants but still his reply was to so break up . He said he was testing me that how much I have changed and how much patience I have but when I argued with him after so many days he said that I couldn’t hold my patience and I didn’t change for good . So he again wants to do breakup. I really don’t know what to do . How to change his mind . Please me how to make him feel about me . I really love him he is too negative and thinks I will harm him that’s why he is always rude and stubborn and too much egotistic towards me . Please help me.

  3. Avatar

    Dee

    May 15, 2020 at 12:43 pm

    My ex and I broke up months ago, have not been good for a long time. Recently I been seeing a therapist and adjusting my trust issues and insecurities. We been through a lot and it wasn’t pretty. With the past it was hard not to throw accusations at him and let go of the past, but I’ve built my confidence back and learned about myself with learning to trust him more….he’s a father to my child and we currently live together because we had got a house together we still go about our daily business we really don’t see each other because he works overnight and I work during the day and Saturday’s he works and sleeps in the day. Things have been pretty good not bad these couple weeks we recently had a great Mother’s Day he was reminiscing on when we first met I guess and I question on it but he said he doesn’t want us to be together but that he loves me and for me to get myself better to keep processing and he doesn’t wanna hinder my progress Or get in the way and that he’s purposely distancing himself so things have been pretty good not bad these couple weeks we recently had a great Mother’s Day he was reminiscing on when we first met and I question on it but he doesn’t want us together but that he loves me for me to get myself better to keep processing and he doesn’t wanna hinder my promise I get in the way and that he’s purposely distancing himself. Then he told me if I feel I want to move out that I can or I can stay as long as I want here at the house that he’s not going anywhere and he’s not worried about being with another person right now or ready for relationship any more and he doesn’t want things to be like before because if we argue and it gets like the past I will have to leave the way we used to be is not the way he wants things to be between us he just wants me happy and he doesn’t want things to go back to how they were. He said I love seeing you happy and right now you seem happy with your progress He says he wishes things were different and that he thinks about trying again or it crosses his mind but he knows we are not good together anymore that his feelings changed….it breaks my heart to know my daughter won’t always have daddy around

  4. Avatar

    San

    May 13, 2020 at 6:22 pm

    My boyfriend and I had been dating for more than 2 years and had lots of on and off break ups. But recently I felt that I’m annoying him and he is more distant than usual. I told him I loved him but he didn’t even bother to reply with anything and changed the subject so I asked him (stupid me) if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and he said “yes, did you just realized that?” … I don’t know what to say and looking back at our relationship, I felt he’s telling me the truth. I love him a lot but he won’t even speak to me and won’t even bother. I’m always the one who loves and cares a lot about him and basically gave him all my attention but he never do that. He won’t even console me when I’m mad at him hé said it’s childish and I shouldn’t expect any consolation from him when I’m mad.

  5. Avatar

    Rachel

    May 3, 2020 at 1:39 am

    Hi. I apologize for the length. So my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. We were dating for a total of 10 months, 6 without a label, 4 in an official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Before that we were friends for a year. My feelings are and have always been stronger and more developed than his, while before dating me he was getting over an unrequited love for one of his other friends (he’s over it now). During the 10 months we “broke up” twice before this one. The first was about a month and a half in where he had a day where he didn’t feel particularly affectionate and decided to break it off. The second was because I wanted a committed relationship when he wasn’t ready. After a week long break we continued dating and 2 months later he made the commitment. This time however he seemed to definitely break it off for good. We don’t live together and with social isolation in effect, we were relying on video chat to do fun activities. However recently we’ve been having more bad arguments and issues. Eventually he told me he felt nothing for me since we started social distancing. And that he was never really into our relationship or really in love with me. His feelings never felt as intense as his previous relationships and his crush and he thought it was a bad sign that his feelings for me faded when we switched to being online. And he told me I express myself in ways that he doesn’t typically look for other people (ie. I behave in ways he’s indifferent to and there may be too many indifferent qualities about me compared to the ones he’s attracted to). I asked him what he meant and he said he can’t tell me what they are because he didn’t want to go there and they weren’t bad things, just stuff he was indifferent to and I shouldn’t try to change myself. I’ve initiated a 30 day no contact. I’m already into all of his interests and I’m trying to work on myself but I don’t know what he liked about his exs or crush or how they behaved so I can’t develop their qualities. Is there anything else I could do to improve my chances of getting him to be my boyfriend again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 9, 2020 at 5:31 pm

      Hey Rachel, I am replying to both your comments in one here.

      Your texting and him being positive is a good thing. What you need to do is test the push and pull theory where you flirt a little and then pull back. There is a great video about this on Youtube for you to watch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0Jz_FJxi50&t=67s

  6. Avatar

    Ben

    May 2, 2020 at 9:59 am

    My ex and I broke up in January 2020 due to lots of petty fights from insecurities from both sides, since then we have tried NC a few times but both break it and talk, even met up a few times. When the lockdown took place we spoke for an amazing 3 weeks, it was fresh and felt new and amazing, but I got overly jealous when I found out he was talking to another man. He has reassured me he is a friend and i do believe him but from my jealously our fights and bicars became every day again. Last night we had a long phone call where we both say we are so tired of the fights, he doesn’t want a relationship with me or anyone at the moment but all i do is think and I know we have the potential to be so happy together. Should I try the NC rule again? Im worried that i have lost him for good.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 8:15 pm

      Hi Ben, I would suggest that you follow a 45 day NC as your conversation was emotional and speaking of getting back together you need a reset. This way you can work on yourself and your insecurities and also work on hiding your emotions when you feel such things as jealousy or envy that he is speaking to another man. He is currently single so he can speak to as many as he wants, your mission is to be the “best” one he realises that no one else measures to you, how you are perfect for him. Read about the Holy Trinity and becoming Ungettable

  7. Avatar

    Helene

    April 28, 2020 at 3:25 pm

    I met my ex 9 months ago. Things were great at first and he seemed very understanding when I explained him that I wasn’t ready for anything serious. He had just broken up a month earlier himself. I have never felt being accepted so fully, treated so nicely or laughed so hard with someone. However I had really bad scars from previous relationships and commitment issues. I didn’t trust myself that I was making the right decision by being with him. I was falling in love with him but I was constantly downplaying him in my head due to my issues.
    Things started to change for worse about six months ago when basically everything that could go wrong in his personal life did and he admitted to me that he is depressed and self-medicating himself with drugs every now and then. He started blaming me for not being there for him and we tried to break up multiple times the following months and be just friends but spiralled back every time. The fights got worse and there were incidents where I didn’t even know I did something wrong. He accused me of cheating on him which I hadn’t. I would walk on eggshells around him because anything I did could annoy him.
    We have now been broken up ”for real” for about a month after The last huge fight, I poured my heart out to him on how much I love him but don’t want this behaviour any longer and he told me he doesn’t want anything to do with me. He blocked me on social media. I did NC for almost three weeks and was working on myself but secretly hoped he would come back with a huge romantic gesture.
    No romantic gesture but he reached out asking if we could talk because time apart made him realise he missed me. I was hesitant and he was being persistent. I had decided I didn’t want him but hoped he would ”prove” that he was serious. Then came two nights ago when I got blackout drunk, called him to hook up but afterwards I completely freaked out and left, I mean I was panicking and irrational. I screwed up the situation, badly.
    Next day he said he was done. And I knew I want to be with him, like we used to in the beginning. We met yesterday and I told him that I don’t want to go back but build our relationship from the scratch again. He said he had had that in mind but after seeing my latest behaviour he is not over me but he is completely over the thought of us. He didn’t show any emotions. He also told me he hasn’t given up the drugs (I thought he had because he told me that’s what he wanted). Afterwards I sent him a long message explaining myself further but no response.
    Is too much damage done? Am I being blind and is this even worth saving? I love him, I really do and wish I could be there to support but don’t know how. Is there anything I can do in my power to get him back but in a healthy relationship?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 6, 2020 at 8:13 pm

      Hi Helene, my honest view on this is that you need to take time apart from any relationships. And work on yourself. Read about the holy trinity that we speak on in this process, where you work on your health, wealth and relationships. Right now you need to focus on your health. Your issues from your previous relationships is going to ruin any future ones unless you deal with the emotional issues you carry. Along with learning about and how to control your emotions. I don’t think the mix of you both is healthy right now, you need a complete 45 days apart of no contact and even then you need to asses where you both are at that time.

  8. Avatar

    Stacey

    April 27, 2020 at 7:35 am

    Hi. Me and my boyfriend had been together 9 and a half years, he dumped me 4 weeks ago as he didn’t love me anymore. Won’t speak to me about it at all, he’s blocked my number. He had moved on to someone he met 3 weeks ago at work (we work together,I will soon be his boss). I have tried no contact and then failed as I found out he had lied about seeing this girl. He is 34 I am 32. The new girl is 25 and the complete opposite to me. I am struggling with how you. Can throw 9 and a half years away for no solid reason and then move on so quickly. He should’ve been proposing this week on my birthday (apparently), and we would’ve moved out this year as we have both just signed new contracts for nights to finally get moved on together. I don’t understand any of it. Please help x

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 1:18 pm

      Hi Stacey, it sounds as if your ex is having a grass is greener situation, this is tough as you work together you are going to have to remain porfessional in work and then follow a limited no contact, where you only speak with him in work about work and nothing else. He has most likely blocked you as he is at the moment in the “honeymoon” phase of his relationship with the new woman. The best thing for you to do is work on your Holy Trinity through your no contact which needs to be 45 days. Then you need to start following the being there method – all this information is on this website and in Chris’ videos on YouTube too

  9. Avatar

    Joan

    April 16, 2020 at 3:04 pm

    Hi, me and my boyfriend were together for a couple of weeks but we decided to end it because none of us could help each other. I have borderline personality disorder which makes it hard for me to stay in relationships, but this one hit differently. It was a long distant relationship, but we’d call 11h+ in one day and we’d always be there for each other whenever we had problems. The only problem was the fact that he thought that it was mentally exhausting like a therapist session. Is it possible to him back? We’ve broken up for a couple of days now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 1:33 pm

      Hi Joan, it is possible as your relationship was so short that it didnt have that much time to be a good or bad relationship. What you may find is that you need to complete a 21 day NC before your ex is ready to talk to you again

  10. Avatar

    Sof

    April 14, 2020 at 12:58 pm

    hi, so me and my boyfriend were together for about a year and it was honestly by far I can say the best year of my life. He made me feel like the best part of myself. I’ve never connected with anyone else as much as I’ve connected with him. While we we’re together I met a guy that was fun to be around and I enjoyed his company. I became good friends with and he kissed me and I didn’t stop it from happeningSince then I’ve felt nothing but guilt and regret for doing it so I told my boyfriend that we kissed and he forgave me. Things were good for a little while until he started partying with his friends a lot and not spending as much time with me to the point where I asked the big question. If he even wanted to be with me anymore and if I made him happy. He said he wasn’t even sure anymore. Before I had been a huge liar about stupid thongs that I knew were dumb to lie about so I started making these changes to myself to I could be better for him, no for us. We broke up in October of 2019. Let me tell you that these couple of months have stripped me down entirely and have made me feel a type of sadness I’ve never felt before. Losing him made me feel like I lost the most important person I’ve ever had. He cares for me, he loves me. I know he does. He tells me he doesn’t want a relationship right now and I totally get that he needs that space. But eventually I want to do everything in my being to make things right. To gain his trust back. I know reading this it’s like it’s just a boy but, I’ve convinced myself that this guy is my soulmate. He makes me the happiest ever and I want to be with him. We don’t talk all that much but we’re ok good terms. The last time we talked it was about me wanting to eventually be with him and him saying that I had lost him and that’s just how life is. He tells me he loves me and he misses me still. That he thinks about me sometimes and our memories. I just want to know what I have to do to make this happen again and if there’s a chance that we will be back together. Also if you can tell me with the information I gave how he possibly feels about it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 23, 2020 at 5:38 pm

      Hey Sof, it sounds as if he lost trust in you even though he said he forgave you it does not mean he forgot what happened with your friend. I would suggest that you go into a 45 day NC and do not break it if you want your ex to wonder whats going on with you. Stay away from posting anything with another guy for sometime as you do not want him to assume you jump from guy to guy as you cheated you need him to feel that you are not the type who can move on that easily. You need to reach out in the texting phase after 45 days having positive short conversations about his interests. You end conversations first and build up their length slowly getting him investing in talking to you. This process can take time, but if he is enjoying his single life at the moment do not mention relationship or settling down when speaking with him

  11. Avatar

    Brianna

    April 9, 2020 at 7:54 pm

    Hi,

    My relationship was fantastic.. except when we had little arguments because we were unsure if the other person loves the other one. I lived with him. When the fights didn’t get resolved he would result to asking me “are we breaking up” and my ego would pack my things. To the point I did leave one day. He bought my boxes. I love him so much.. I uprooted my entire life to move across the country for him. Now he thinks I am the problem and I’m his soulmate but he doesn’t want us anymore. He said “he’s ok with me gone”

    I’m dying. If we could see eye to eye during a silly argument we wouldn’t be here. I can’t do NC because he said he’s going to help me find a place but I feel like dying.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 11, 2020 at 11:09 pm

      Hi Briana, you need to follow a limited no contact

  12. Avatar

    Nicole Mitchell

    April 4, 2020 at 4:28 pm

    A few weeks ago my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. I was planning on moving to the same city as him in a few weeks. We started dating when we were 18 and honestly had the best relationship. We were so close, got along great but we did bicker from time to time about stupid stuff. His reasons were “i’m not ready for the next step” “I need to focus on myself” “I can’t give you the commitment that you want” “i don’t think were meant to be” and “Im not focusing on getting back together right now i’m just focusing on myself”. He keeps saying that this was the hardest thing he had to do because he does love and miss me greatly but he says this is the best thing for us and you can’t change my mind. Since the breakup I have been an absolute wreck. We haven’t talked in about a week and i’m going crazy. I know its probably best if I don’t reach out and do the “no contact” and give him the time and space that he needs to figure things out. He keeps saying that the doors are never shut and anything can happen. Do you have any opinion or advice that you can give me? Like should I take this as a permanent breakup or will he eventually come back to me? I really wanna get back together with him but I honestly don’t know if that will ever happen.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 11:16 pm

      Hi Nicole, focusing on yourself for the time being and completing a NC is key if you want him to come back to you. While he is out there “focusing on himself” you need to be working on yourself, the Holy Trinity and showing him what he has missed out on by being the best version of yourself using social media to show you are doing just fine without him in your life right now. It is key that you do not watch his social media while you are doing NC as it can delay your healing process

  13. Avatar

    Bell

    April 4, 2020 at 3:52 pm

    Hi! I was in a non commited relationship with a guy for 2 months, he told me he didn’t want a relationship. When I told him I missed him after not meeting for roughly 2 weeks, he said he liked being with me but didn’t feel the same way. I freaked out a bit and sent him a crying voice message which made him mad and said he feels trapped. That day we talked over the phone and agreed to forget about this, he even apologized as did I. For a few days we talked as we did before but then suddenly he stopped reaching out. I asked him if we were okay, when he replied that he doesnt understood the question, cuz he already said that he feels good in his life right now. Then I replied that I meant if he wanted to talk/meet cuz we didn’t talk much in the last few days. It took one day for him to read the message and one more to reply with I’m sorry I was busy with family and friends, now I have a lot of time to be at home and spend time with them. I just texted a hi. I know it’s a long story, but my question is if I have a chance to get him back. To prove that I don’t want to trap him or be clingy, I just want to go back to as we were before.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 10:51 pm

      Hi Bell, the issue with these friends with benefits relationships is someone always ends up getting attached and then getting hurt. So I would suggest that you decide what you want first, if you are happy with friends with benefits understand that it is going to be just that, nothing more. As he stated he did not want it to be more. If you want a relationship with emotional connection etc, then you need to follow the program starting with a NC and then texting phase where you get your ex investing time in talking to you, phone calls, spending time together without getting intimate and increasing the romantic level in your meet ups until you are in a relationship

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    Valerie

    April 1, 2020 at 5:27 pm

    Hello,

    My ex and I were together for 2 years. We met online and did long distance for 1.5 years until we moved to the same city. He broke up with me in a text after a fight 2 weeks ago when he was having a really bad day. But the next day he wrote to me again told me he was not going to change his mind. He said he still has feelings for me but he thinks it’s the best because I’m too dependant on him and we fight all the time and don’t solve anything. I begged him to take me back and said that we haven’t tried to fix things properly but he still refused, and said it will never work with us although I mean a lot to him. I unfollowed him and blocked him everywhere, except his phone number. Currently we are in quarantine in different countries. I did no contact for 10 days but 3 days ago I was mislead by his mother who told me he still loved me and that i needed to talk to him. He was nice at first but then he started ignoring me and I was confused and started telling him that I thought we should try again and then he told me to respect his decision. I have been texting him a bit these past 3 days, sometimes he answers and sometimes he doesn’t, but he’s not exactly warm. I don’t know what to do. I just want him back. If I do no contact for 30 days, im scared his feelings will be gone, and also I wouldnt be able to say happy birthday.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 9:06 pm

      Hi Valerie, if you want to follow this program then I suggest that you do follow the No Contact rules. It is essential part in getting your ex back, and as for the birthday message. It is better to have him wondering why you didnt and get him to think about you, than you message you and have him ignore you

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    Shelly

    March 29, 2020 at 3:46 am

    Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago after being together for 6 months. We ended up fighting ally in the last two months because he wasn’t showing any interest. He also said he lost attraction for me and would often compare me to other girls he sees. He also said that he doesn’t feel the same way anymore. I was clingy before and would text him a lot but after the breakup I realized this was unhealthy and I’ve been trying to change. I really miss him, especially after one week of NC. We set a two week period of NC and we’ll go from there. He doesn’t seem miserable at all. I’m at a loss as to what I should do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 9:36 pm

      Hi Shelly NC should be 30 days so that you can have time apart plus you do not want to have an agreed amount of time that you do not speak so that he realises that you are not chasing him

  16. Avatar

    M

    March 25, 2020 at 2:42 am

    Hello,

    My boyfriend and I dated for 6 months. I was emotionally unstable at around month 4 due to triggers from last relationships. My ex has had very bad past relationships which have left him with confused feelings and a hurt ego. I have now been diagnosed with boarderline personality disorder. It has been 3 months since our break and I have completed the 30 day NC today. I am happy without him and I do not depend on him to be the best I can be or for my happiness. However, I would still like him in my life as I am now on medication and have sought the help I need. He told me he did not want a relationship yet has kissed me since the break (before no contact). He was the one who suggested NC. Now that I have competed NC, I do not know what to do. I want to reach out, yet I worry that because of him suggesting NC my agency would decrease by me reaching out to him. I have worked on being the UG and have taken good care of myself. I don’t know if I should reach out now or later.

    Any info you can provide will be of help,

    Thanks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 11:29 pm

      Hi M, when you have been in a 30 day No Contact you can then move on to the texting phase. Good for you taking good care of yourself, and keep doing the Ungettable work going forward while you work up the value ladder

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    Sophie

    March 24, 2020 at 5:12 am

    Hi

    My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago, and since then I’ve done everything wrong. I’ve attempted no contact repeatedly but never gotten further than a week, I’ve been clingy, and I’ve pushed him away further and further. We had an argument yesterday, resulting in him blocking me on twitter and removing me as a friend on discord. He said he couldn’t trust me, that I was irresponsible and unpredictable, and that he didn’t love me anymore. I apologised and said that I respect that he doesn’t want me in his life anymore, and we left things there. I’m now going to do no contact, but after my repeated failures, and after pushing him away so much, is there even a chance that he’ll ever want me back? I feel like I may have made the situation broken beyond repair.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 31, 2020 at 1:20 am

      Hi Sophie, there is a chance but you are going to have to learn to be patient and understand that this process is going to take time. I would focus on your Holy Trinity and make sure you are learning to control your emotions so you do not reach out to him, and that you know what not to act impulsively within this program.

  18. Avatar

    Rose

    March 21, 2020 at 10:54 am

    Hi,
    I just broke up with the guy I’ve been dating for 1.5 years. We were doing long distance, only 3 hours but we both had very full lives so didn’t get to see each other often. It was great right up until the last month when he started to pull away. He became very distant, we were barely getting to talk and when we did I always seemed to be the one initiating conversations. He also stopped being affectionate and sweet over text, turns out this was because he was having doubts. He initiated the break up because it wasn’t working as he just didn’t have the time or energy to commit to a relationship. He was so busy with work and uni and family committments that he barely got anytime to himself so I ended up feeling like a chore as all he wanted to do was rest and recharge. He just had too much on his plate and had to prioritise these other more important things in his life, to which I was supportive and understanding of. I didn’t want it to end so tried coming up with ways we could do things to make it easier on him but in the end he was right and it was cleaner to just end things and I saw it would also give me the best chance of getting him back rather than letting things get messy and complicated between us. He gave me the option of being friends or cutting it clean, he wanted to just cut things off but left the decision to me in case it made it easier for me remaining friends. We were both sad but I guess it ended as well as it could. Just before we broke up I found myself in a position where I was closer to him so would be able to make the effort to see him more, I was so excited as I thought our relationship could finally progress. He said that even that wouldn’t make things better, he just didn’t want to be in any relationship fullstop as he would constantly worry that he wasn’t giving enough and he doesn’t want anything extra on his plate right now. I told him I want to try things again when he’s ready but he said he doesn’t think he sees a future. I think he was just being careful and trying not to get my hopes up as he said he didn’t want to do that and he also didn’t want me to wait around. He reminisced over a few things we shared and it really made it feel like this was it for him but then I also know he still has feelings for me. I really think things could work between us and I really want him in my life. We ended on I’d let him know if I wanted to keep talking just as friends or not at all, since then I’ve started no contact. I just worry that this program won’t work for me as he doesn’t want a relationship at all and the fact that we ended on good terms. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 11:44 am

      Hi Rose, the program can definitely work for you as long as you follow advice and apply it to yourself so that you can show your ex what he is missing. Someone who does not want to be in a relationship is talking about the NOW. One thing is certain in our lives and that is change, he is going to eventually want to be in a relationship again and if you are working on yourself in that time to be “Ungettable” he is going to want to be with someone like you because you are the best person he is going to have in his life and no one else is going to compare to you

  19. Avatar

    Galena Vasileva

    March 17, 2020 at 9:57 pm

    Hi,
    We were together for 2 years, living together all this time. It was going absolutely great. My ex recently broke up with me. Just 5 days ago and i am still struggling to find out if he might want something again or not. He has been texting ocasionally to see how i am doing or about our flat as we need to move out now. For a long time, he was going through some personal stuff and he never felt like doing anything not only with me. Because of that i tried fixing everything with good and bad. The last few weeks he had been fighting because i was so annoyed that he didnt put the effort even if i told him something was bothering me. Lately, he was all the time with his phone or watching TV. Procrastinating and avoiding every problem that came our way (including problems in his personal life, because of those problems he got into a kind of depression and lost himself) He stopped putting effort mainly emotionally. We had an incredible connection and love before. When we were breaking up he told me he loves me more than anything, but he is not in love in the same way and because of that he doesnt feel like putting the effort and he doesnt want me to be miserable. He told me he needed some space and time so i gave him a week when i was out of our flat. When i came back he told me that for now he wants to be alone but he Is quite confused and is not sure about it. We are both devastated, as we were absolutely sure we were going to grow old together. I am currently packing my stuff from the flat, as we have put our 2 months notice… it is possible to get back together even if we actually sell the flat? I have done nothing obsessive or desperate after the break up. Gave him proper space and still doing it. Following everything i read online, including after finishing packing tomorrow, will try no contact for a month. He is very stubborn, though.. and he was always afraid of change.. so the fact that he seems kind of sure about this worries me. I know we are meant to be together, i am just not sure how to remind him that…i was always giving and doing everything for him, including that when he couldnt give his 50% i gave a bit more from myself. I have given him the world, but the nagging (that was really necesaary to get him out of his comfort zone) i think pushed him away. Or maybe i am just blaming myself at this point, as it doesnt make sense for me. We have almost everything in common… we were like married already.. i feel like tgiving him space and no contact will make him realize he is really losing me (as i have always been there despite all the bad stuff, i think he thought i would never leave, and i was a bit clingy sometimes, always explaining myself talking or texting, but never in an possessive or obsessive way)….we were closer between each other than with our families…. even though we got along perfect with both families, as we live abroad and were alone in the UK, we qere each other’s rock and support…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 10:01 pm

      Hi Galena, it is a difficult time for you and I can imagine more so if your family live in a different country. Give your ex some space and allow him to miss you. Work on your Holy Trinity and focus on yourself for sometime. While I understand many people like to try and fix things for their partner, you need to remember that he is an adult and needs to do things for himself, including improving his mental health and his life. You can not mother him, that is when the “love” changes for you

  20. Avatar

    Jaqueline

    March 16, 2020 at 8:53 pm

    Hey there,
    I have been acting like a real emotional drain with my boyfriend of 1 year and 9 months. The past few months I’ve been really needy and clingy but in an unattractive way and am sure that I came off as controlling as well. Not really sure what I am going through, but it’s been coming out as projections onto people around me and unfortunately he was one of those people.
    We have a long-distance relationship although his parents live five minutes up the road and he’s only 2.5 hours away. We would go maybe a week or two without seeing each other max.
    I would get into this pattern where I got needy/clingy every time we’d be apart for a while and it just, as he said, “steadily got worse.”
    Well, he broke up with me last week and is telling me he doesn’t feel the same anymore and he thinks it’s for the best.
    I’m just curious because I want to make it work and Know that we can, I at least now that I can be different – what should I do?
    We’ve texted back and forth a bit since then and yesterday is when he sent me the
    “I don’t feel the same way anymore” text….
    I haven’t responded.
    Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 3:16 am

      Hey Jaqueline you need to start with a no contact and make sure that you work on yourself in that time. And then reach out with a text that Chris suggests to get conversation started again where you re attraction your ex and work up the value chain

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