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261 thoughts on “I Want My Ex Boyfriend Back But He Doesn’t Want Me”

  1. Avatar

    Jasmine

    March 3, 2020 at 2:21 am

    My ex and I were together for 3 months, but we had an amazing connection and connected very well. After 2 months he suddenly said he thinks we should see other people but still see each other, became distant etc. He then stated that he would hurt me because he had other things going on like going through his divorce. I begged, pleaded, etc before doing 21 days NC. He was steadily rebuilding communication as a friend only, but then one night last week we got to talking about the breakup and I went to his house to discuss it unannounced. Now he is completely avoidant. I now understand that he broke up with me because I didn’t respect his boundaries and he has trust issues but mostly because I didn’t respect his boundaries. I have definitely made things worse by going to his place last week as this isn’t the first time I’ve felt the need to make him hear me! I realize it’s a toxic behavior and am trying to change it but is it too late? I keep texting but he’s very cold and distant and other times doesn’t respond at all. He sent a message yesterday explaining that he’s just not ready for a relationship which isn’t the case because he’s been seeing other women. I don’t know how to rebuild attraction or if I can at this point.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 10:11 am

      Hi Jasmine, check out this video for how to re build attraction. But if your ex is dating other woman that does not mean he is looking for a relationship it just shows that he is spending time with people, more likely to distract himself from the emotions that he will be going through from the break up himself. Even though he wanted it he will still be feeling negative emotions.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-X_nS1Nxcx0

  2. Avatar

    Mary

    March 2, 2020 at 4:25 pm

    Hi 🙂
    When i got friend with my bf ,he was really interested in me and loved me, it lasts just for 3 months,after that he said that he has a problem that cannot be with me anymore,ofcourse sometimes i pushed him too much, after that breakup we got backtogether but he told me that we are just friends and I won’t be with you for whole life,i think he is depressed, how can I get him back again… it is 1 year that we know eachother 🙂
    He said that he feels suffocated:( thanks in advance ❤️

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 2, 2020 at 10:40 pm

      Hi Mary, it sounds as if your ex needs space from you so allow that time. Work on yourself and follow a No Contact for 45 days working on your emotional control and make sure that you do not beg him to be with you again

  3. Avatar

    Kate

    February 23, 2020 at 1:20 pm

    Hi,
    My ex loves playing music, but I am not much of a musician. There is a pub he likes to go out with his friends. We enjoy playing video games together. He likes when I cook for him. What he absolutely needs is his time alone, not just from me but from everyone. I have been nagging and complaining about that. He took me back twice, could not stop. I love time alone too, I was just taking it personal (I know). Now that I am consulting and whiling to trust him, respect both our need for space, he does not believe me.

  4. Avatar

    Opeyemi

    February 23, 2020 at 9:16 am

    Hi my boyfriend of about four years broke up with me a month ago, for this four years he breaks up with me like every year saying his not sure his in love with me for different reason ever time he brings a reason why i ask him to stay try to change them, this year he asked for two weeks space out of the blues we talk we just dont see because we are in the same school we didnt fight nothing during the break I was sad because i missed him and he was always asking me what was wrong but I kept saying nothing because I didnt want to make it look like I didnt want to make it look like I didnt want to give him space but after the space I still felt he was distant I got angry one night and blocked him he tried calling me several times then he called me with another number he got angry that he has been asking me what was wrong and now I’m blocking him, well that lead to him breaking up again saying he thinks his with me out of pity after the break he kept calling me I taught there was hope but basically he said he misses me because of the things I do for him and those are wrong reasons to miss someone and that we should move on.. cried and stuff I told him we should be friends but that for now I have to get over him..we havent spoken in a week but I miss him and I want him back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 3, 2020 at 9:50 pm

      Hey Opeyemi, make sure that you stick to the No Contact and apply the information from the articles to your situation. Read about No Contact, being Ungettable and what to do at the start of your texting phase

  5. Avatar

    Tabitha

    February 13, 2020 at 2:56 am

    Hi so before i ask what i wanna know / opinion, I need to give a quick as possible overview of the situation (knowing it’s way deeper than just mentioned here).

    I was dating a chef for almost 8 months and we had an awesome and open (could talk about anything and be ourselves) relationship. He broke up woth me mostly due to work pressures and at the time I was away with research and both were going through hard times and there was lack of communication frim his side and way too much communication from mine. Overall we did consider a break for other reasons too but always believed we’d stay the best of friends. However when he decided to just be friends it came at a bad time for me while i was away and well..i ended up over texting cause didnt understand his situations as well adn ended up pushing him several times further away without realising it,even if there was pusbing from his side too with ignoring etc. We saw each other few times after that and then i went to my family over december holidays and we had a semi falling ojt but he dropped me off at airport and well did say we would be able to talk about anything again yes and go back to that but basically relationship was over but friendship possible was the message..i did realise how i acted wrongly…he had blocked me for a week once also due to my behaviour in October. Well they had a hectic season in December and even if both his family and I were all getting pushed aside, i only rheard from him once and would always share and ask how he is and send encouragement cause I genuinely loved him and cared. Well it reached a point he blocked me again around Christmas
    . After soul searching and all I reached out via another phone and apologised also for things and then he responded to me and unblocked me. However i had this plan potentially of when i was back that we would be able to speak and resolve and ammend all things.. from my side i had been severly hurt over and over again (not goung into details for sake of space) but was willing to move forward as friends at least so could be there and we have that great side of our relationship. However my apology was met with a long message on how although he accepts it and all he has had long thinking and that we would not work and also not even as friends (even if to me this did not make sense) but he was grateful for meeting me and looked forward to seeing me again to give me stuff i had left with him and he said sorry and thanked me for all the ways i had meant something to him and helped him grow as a person etc…and mentioned one day in the future he hopes we could go for a coffee and laugh about everything and also asked me to leave him alone. I responded to this as complete as i could kindly, showing i do care, things are different and also hoping we could restart a friendship sometime etc. I left him alone only letting gim know when i was back in his town after a week, got ignored, and then 10 days later was driving back from another place past where his family stay and asked if could meet up etc and then he said not then but we eventually set a date,but because it was very busy at his work i felt bad and rather wanted it to be when he felt better to do it but he was very adamant that he wanted it then and then done and dusted and that there was “nothing left to talk about” and only have normal conversarion even if there were things i wants him to know…i ended up making the mistake of feeling sorry for them and bringing him energy cooldrink i had that he drank and coffee the day before the meet up and letting him know..about which he wasnt happy and gave my stuff then and so everything was rushed and he made it clear he thinks it would just go back to his idea of how it was at the end last year and how he had moved on and how he was over everything and i had already completed my purpose in his life..but he did listen to what i said and appreciated when i said im always there for him and he can talk to me anytime..we hugged and greeted and well…i was fine but i fell apart all over again during that week. A couple days later was supposed to be our 1 year anniversary afterall…so after that i just sent him a video of us hugging taken by a friend with a caption suited to a specific conversation we had once, but which was cause i just wanted him tonknow i wanted to just sit and hold him when things get tough,no more words…..i didnt want to disrespect his wish but i let that send…a week later i lost my license,freaked out and asked him if he remembered anything about it last time i used it and he was there cause i couldnt remember another time…however it was unnecessary and then he bkocked me again.

    So now after this very long backstory…i just wanted to know ..there are lots of things i wished i could share..i even watch the same anime he does now caus I also like it now..and lots of other stuff we would have normally been able to share…and i cant..and he doesnt fully understand i think how i really feel..

    But i want to know, I know i need to give him space and no contact…but is it possible i could have pushed him to a point nothig would help…? Would it help if he saw me with other friends say at a pub playing pool without giving him any attention? Should I just steer clear of him? I am on good terms with his family and saw his grandparents recently and will see his parents soon also cause never got to greet them..but he is in a mind of his own doesnt even have many or any peoppe he really considers close trustworthy friends aside from me and a mutual friend we had..and now he doesnt want me anymore…and i really really miss him..even after all this time i just want my best friend back..even if he isnt ready for a romantic relationship..i just want our friendship back and his mind to change..

    Thanks for the time!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 10:57 pm

      Hey Tabitha so I can’t really tell you if you have pushed him too far, but I can tell you that No Contact for 45 days is going to be your best chance of seeing if he is going to be more open to talking to you in the future.

  6. Avatar

    Sydni

    February 3, 2020 at 9:43 pm

    Hey,
    Me and my boyfriend were together for one year we had ups and downs but he is my best friend. My Ex boyfriend Has seemed to enjoy his freedom and never contacts me first yet sometimes he has dropped by to say hello and hang out. How do I make him stop taking me for granted overall before I leave him for good!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 4, 2020 at 10:08 pm

      Hey Sydni, stop allowing your ex to pop around and hang out with you when he feels like it!! You need to initiate a no contact and stick to it for at least 30 days where you do not reply to him if he reaches out!! Start dating casually and make sure you are showing your ex that you are willing to move on if your ex is not going to give you what you want

  7. Avatar

    Ashlyn

    January 31, 2020 at 4:05 am

    My ex and I were together almost 3 years. This is the second time we’ve broken up. Last year he broke up with me because he thought I was too good for him. This time he is saying he doesn’t feel the same way he felt when we first started dating. I told him it’s normal for that to happen and we just need to work on it. But he doesn’t want to. He still wants us to be friends(he thinks of me as his best friend) and he’ll tell me that I’m special. He also says he doesn’t know what the future holds and we could get back together but he “doesn’t think that far into the future”. I know he’s dating around but it’s nothing serious but it still hurts. I really love him and would do anything to get back together with him. We already have a lot in common on likes and dislikes. So what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 31, 2020 at 11:39 pm

      Hey Ashlyn start the program and make sure you follow the advice given here!

  8. Avatar

    Kaie

    January 25, 2020 at 8:37 am

    I was with my ex 2 years we had a baby boy and lost him I was overly clingy and always checking his phone, I didn’t let him have girl friends I went everywhere with him we argued a lot. After our break up I tryed to get him to come back he told me he will never get back with me how can I change his mind ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 25, 2020 at 9:28 am

      Hey Kaie, First off, I am so sorry for what you went through that is one of the most difficult things for a couple to go through and often does make one partner emotionally dependent on the other. Where often times the other wants to just bury their feelings to just get on with things. As far as getting your ex back, I would suggest you work on yourself enough to get independent and get over your trust issues with him. Even if you have to see therapy for the short term, you went through something traumatic and it sometimes needs that extra help to feel “yourself” again. Read articles about how to become Ungettable and focus on yourself for some time so that you are stronger and the person you were when you met two years ago

  9. Avatar

    Lily

    January 20, 2020 at 12:50 am

    Was with my ex for 5 and a half years. Lived together for over 4 years. We was planning a whole future together -but last 2 years having fertility issues. Suddenly he became distant. This got worse and worse. I got more down about the fertility stuff. He went out with friends more and more. Then left me (out of the blue for me) we’d never broken up before and I didn’t think I’d cope….. we done no contact for a while. Then was back in touch again. Even went on a few dates as such. Then again he’s pulled away. I just don’t know what to do. I know we could be so happy but he doesn’t even want to try

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 21, 2020 at 10:35 pm

      Hey Lily I am so sorry about your struggles with fertility, however it is common that it causes issues in relationships. So know you are not alone what might be happening is that he does not know how to handle the fact you are down and upset about the problems you are having, knowing there is nothing more he can do to help the situation. It causes pressure that can not really be resolved. Now as you did the no contact and managed to get into some dates, he possibly has pulled away as he felt things were getting serious again and he got scared, allow him a short no contact to relax and then reach out again with a friendly text

  10. Avatar

    Shanna

    January 19, 2020 at 7:20 am

    Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 1 year and 3 months. He broke up with me because he hasnt got feelings for me anymore. Because i was jealos and needy. The night he broke up with me he said things can work out in the futere because he cant look in the futere. He also said that maybe i am the mother from his children in the futere. I did the no contact rule for a month. Now i have spoken him again and he said he loves his freedom and dont want a relationship right now. I really want him back but he told me not to have hope because things cant work out right now. What do i need to do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 1:53 pm

      Hey Shanna, so you need to look up what it means to be Ungettable and follow this process showing that you are enjoying your social life and freedom too. Not sat around waiting for him, so keep to another No Contact for 21 days where you focus on becoming this Ungettable girl. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-ungettable-girl/

  11. Avatar

    Alice Gemma

    January 15, 2020 at 11:33 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex of 3 years broke up with me 2 months ago. We were talking about marriage and moving in together. So it came out of the blue he said he can’t see a future with me. He unfriended me and blocked me everywhere. I did 30 days NC then sent a friend request but he ignored it. Should I give up? I can’t send him a message and there’s literally no way I can talk to him except running into him on purpose which would be creepy, awkward and obvious… I really think he doesn’t miss me at all… 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 10:47 pm

      Hi Alice, so what I suggest you do is work on yourself a little longer and prolong your NC so that you are at a point you are happy with or with out him in your life along with posting your Ungettable posts to social media, because even if you are not on there and he didnt accept your request it is highly likely that he is checking your page and mutual friends will pass comment to him when you are doing great things too

  12. Avatar

    Helen pfeiffer

    January 13, 2020 at 3:21 pm

    I dated this guy for 11 months at the end he said “I love you but I am not in love with you” he ended he said I was to emotional and he wanted to see another people. I am in love and I want him back we always had great sex and he said he has lust for me but is not healthy to be together what can I do I want him back we broke up a month ago and he always said he didn’t want nothing serious however I met his mom and his son

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 10:51 pm

      Hey Helen, so by the sounds of things the “newness” of the relationship wore off and he realised that you were in a relationship that he does not think he wants. Read about what it means to be Ungettable, when you work these factors into your life and show how you are the best version of yourself through social media your ex will feel like they are missing out on this amazing person because they let you go.

  13. Avatar

    Sarah

    January 5, 2020 at 11:06 pm

    Hi
    So it’s been 3 months.
    We were havinga bad month or so before we he broke up with me.
    I took it bad , got depression off work . Everything was just too overwhelming- busy demanding job and other things.
    I’ve tried to repeatedly ask him to meet up with me . Christmas and NY has been so hard.
    He declines all my requests.
    We were together a year , I moved in to his had to move out .

    I think there’s no chance , I just wish I could do something ..

    Any ideas?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 7, 2020 at 10:28 pm

      Hi Sarah if you want a chance of getting him back then you need to start with a No Contact and stick to it! Read as many articles that apply to your situation here and make sure you stick to it.

  14. Avatar

    Ashley

    December 29, 2019 at 6:02 pm

    Hi,
    I dated a guy for a few months and I want him back. It’s was very intense to where he was already talking about marriage. He had a ex wife who was still involved and they have a child together. I stated that they needed boundaries and to just talk about the child. When he broke up with me he just said he’s going to hurt me because of how busy he is and about the ex wife. After he broke up with me I texted him non stop. Now I am trying the no contact thing. Can I get him back? Is it to late?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 29, 2019 at 11:31 pm

      Hey Ashley youve taken the first step at getting him back, stick with your no contact and work on yourself for some time. Showing him how you are going to be understanding that he and his ex wife are going to have to have some sort of friendship as they are co parenting. Even if they dont speak about the child they are still able to be friends to show their child that you do not have to be together to be good parents. Its a difficult position for some people to deal with so consider if you can accept that he is often in touch with his ex wife.

  15. Avatar

    Hannah

    December 7, 2019 at 12:57 am

    Hi,
    I have been friends with this guy for two years recently we’ve both gotten very close. We kinda started dating for about 3 months but he wasn’t doing anything with his life and didn’t seem to be happy in the relationship I felt very stressed out wondering if there was another girl. I ended the relationship with him and he agreed that he needed sometime to figure things out. He asked if we could stay friends and maybe in the future we could get back together. We stayed in contact for a few weeks but I stopped talking to him because I still have strong feelings for him. I want to be in a relationship and get back together but he said he needs more time and he doesnt see us working out. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 8, 2019 at 10:06 pm

      Hey Hannah, so you need to go into No Contact as you want something he isnt willing to give you, if you feel you can not be his friend do not force yourself while you feel this way. If you want to get your ex back then you can apply the program to your situation to give yourself your best chance but you need to be consistent and set boundaries for what you will accept from a friendship and from a relationship

  16. Avatar

    Grace Yeager

    December 5, 2019 at 8:42 pm

    My ex and I were together for about a year on and off a couple times. Well he never told me he loves me even after I said it. I found a new guy and left my ex for him because he provided me with the emotional support I needed. When I broke up with my ex for this new guy, he texted me wanting me back and I shot him down telling him this guy loves me. Ex sent me a lavish package for my birthday the following week with a bottle of vodka, a new purse, and a high quality Bible(we are both religious) I thanked him for it and never contacted him again. Fast forward a year and a half and I’ve just broken up with the new bf because I cannot get ex out of my mind it’s like he haunts me 24/7. I asked his friend how he’s been doing and he said good and I added ex back on snapchat but he has ignored my request. I don’t know what to do anymore

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 10:29 pm

      Hi Grace, so after you telling your ex he needed to put effort in and it took you to moving on to get him to do that, but then he has had almost a year and a half to get over you and it just means that you are now going to be in a position where you have to make the effort to show you are interested in him again but he is not going to be as open to showing you how you feel as you rejected him. If you want this guy back you are going to have to be patient and allow him to take his time as to when he is ready to speak to you

  17. Avatar

    Pinky

    November 19, 2019 at 2:56 pm

    Hello,

    Me & my ex were together for 4 years… we have bumped heads alot during the past year due to lack of communication. I really wants things to work but he doesn’t. Recently I found out he was reaching out to other girls while being on the road as a new truck driver. We have a 2 year old son together. I was so hurt I said alot of hurtful things to him that I didn’t mean and now he has flipped it on me. I just want my family to work but he doesn’t. I have tried to do the no contact but only lasted 2 days… when we talk he tells me he will never give us a chance again… Idk what to do. I am heart broken…how do I get him back? I feel so lost. Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 19, 2019 at 10:34 pm

      Hi Pinky so you need to work on becoming Ungettable girl and that is where you deal with the whole single mother life without his help. He at the moment relates you to negative feelings of arguments and you bringing up other women. So take sometime to help yourself get over the break up and the actions he took. Once you are done with your NC you can start talking to him about positive subjects and do not bring up the past or argue with him about anything to re build your connection

  18. Avatar

    Sara

    November 18, 2019 at 10:26 pm

    My boyfriend and I have a generally healthy relationship. We do have some communication issues, but both of us have various kinds of trauma not dealt with… now, I have an AA in Psychology, so while that is essentially worthless as a degree, I have at least a basic understanding of people. He, although, believes therapy and healing and all the other shit to be quack science. Oddly enough, he has said so many times in the past that he likes that we talk and work things out. He said no one ever did that with him. Yet, he’s also unable to communicate effectively, and can be aloof quite often. Sometimes, I feel he could possibly be a narcissist. Nonetheless, I’ve been able to navigate things quite well. We both share many of the same interests in virtually everything in life. He’s far more of a perfectionist than I am, and I feel that’s been a hige source of tension. I’m a perfectionist, but my schedule is far more hectic so things can fall by the wayside often enough. I try to outweigh this by offering something else of value for the things he seemingly wants done that I can’t do due to time constraints. I have older children from a previous relationship. He has a younger child from a previous relationship. Merging this household hasn’t been easy. For both of us, it’s our 1st time attempting to merge a blended family, but he’s raised someone else’s children before having his own. With all the small, sometimes important, issues arising, him choosing not to communicate when frustrated has led to me say things in error, myself. I’m human. I don’t always get my point across. It’s typically only a sentence, and while not seemingly hurtful to me, our existing language barrier shows he either didn’t understand – or, in fact, found it to be hurtful to him. Long story short, we usually are able to resolve these issues at some point within the day or week. Well, I accidentally said 1 thing out of frustration the a few days ago. I acted poorly, as did he, for 2 days. Today, he kinda left me out in the cold on a favor he’d done but suddenly revoked. Clearly I was upset, and asked why would he hurt me intentionally when I’m not trying to hurt him? He said he didn’t think we’d be together anymore. He has said this once or twice, as have I, but we always found it was a communication issue that led to those disagreements. Subsequently, we have always been able to resolve whatever we dealt with before. This time is also miscommunication. He assumed I was placing blame, and I even clarified this was not the case to him later. I’m honestly lost right now. I’ve approached him gently, but I am confused as to how to get an open line of communication going because I’m not sure he meant what he said…. BUT THE EMOTION BEHIND IT DID FEEL DIFFERENT. NOW, if he did, he did… I can’t control him, but for obvious reasons, I’d like the opportunity to work on whatever the problem is so that it doesn’t reoccur. He’s mostly baffling to me… he’ll say he appreciates the talking, but doesn’t initiate talking. He can be cold, but I knew that going in. I knew he could kinda shut off his feelings, but he’s literally the most loving man I’ve ever met…. OMG, it’s been hard trying to navigate this world of his, but oh so rewarding. He’s not home for a few days so I wanna kinda form a one sided conversation for him to be able to take advantage of, as we have in the past. He’s come a long way in terms of communicating, but clearly we have lightyears to go still. I don’t want to break up if we can continue to live happily as we have.

  19. Avatar

    Hazel

    November 18, 2019 at 6:19 pm

    This guy and I were great friends for one year before we entered a friend’s with benefit relationship. After a few months he told me he likes me and wants a relationship. We entered into a relationship and after one month he broke up saying he just doesn’t feel it. He said he isn’t crazy about me. In between he kept saying he likes me, then doesn’t like me enough, then again he liked me but the circumstances were bad. Now finally he says he is over me and he wants me to move on. And I told him I love him. Now he wants me to keep distance so that I can move on. But I want him back. We live in different countries now and I end up texting him every few days and he talks nicely like when we were just friends before. He doesn’t mind a physical relationship along with friendship. But says he isn’t in love with me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 18, 2019 at 10:58 pm

      HI Hazel so he has openly told you he wants a friend with benefits situation again but not a relationship. SO you need to do a No Contact for some time and work on yourself during which time you need to appear to be casually dating. Not obvious jealousy but just subtle hints. You need to make it clear you are not going to be a FWB. If you want to be in a relationship with him again for now you can not be his friend you need to create a sense of loss for a little while

  20. Avatar

    Jean

    November 12, 2019 at 8:00 am

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for only a few months and things were awesome.
    He’s an extremely busy person but I accept it.
    He broke up with me saying that he can’t go on hurting me and that I need someone who can actually have time for me. I was so heartbroken. And still am.
    We have mutual friends who keep telling me to move on and that I’ll find someone better. But the thing is that I love him and he loves me and our friends tell me that he regrets but has told them that he won’t come back. I have already started the no contact rule. Is there anything else I can do to bring him back? I don’t want to lose him.
    I see myself having a future with him but as of now, we aren’t together.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 7:47 pm

      Hi Jean, you need to read some articles that apply to your situation and keep with your NC – stop talking to your friends about him too as this is breaking No Contact too

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