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127 thoughts on “How To Treat Your Ex Boyfriend Who Dumped You”

  1. Arya

    November 28, 2019 at 3:53 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex officially broke up with me on Sunday Nov 17th. We have been together for nearly 2 years. He said that he was being practical by breaking up with me. I obviously broke down and kept asking him if this was really it, and that I really wanted to give this relationship one last shot. But he was mentally checked out, and I really could not force him to stay. The same day he called me a few times, and texted me. And this went on till Tuesday night.He then stopped contacting me. I sent him back all the presents he had once given me, and I wrote him a note saying, it didn’t feel right or make sense for me to keep any of this if we weren’t together. And then he texted me again on Thursday when he received the package. And that was the last time he contacted me. I didn’t pick any of those calls,or respond to those texts. So I guess I officially started the no contact after Thursday. I am still on the no contact. Did I ruin my chances of getting him back? Will he ever reach out again?

    Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 30, 2019 at 10:51 pm

      Hi Arya, so no you have not ruined your chances sticking with your No Contact even though he reached out to you is a good thing and make sure you keep going until your 30 days are up. In the mean time do some work on yourself so that you are becoming the Ungettable girl so he regrets letting you go

  2. Debra

    October 11, 2019 at 12:23 pm

    Hi Chris, I was dating a coworker for 4 months. We only saw each other on Saturday night or Sunday night for dinner/movie. He was texting me first thing in the morning and several times brought coffee to me, as well as lunch dates a few times. During the 4 months we were intimate twice. He was a gentleman and did not push himself on me. In fact, I thought maybe he wasn’t attracted to me in that way. We did hug/kiss until one night I initiated more intimacy. In the beginning of the relationship I complimented him on his looks, he told me he doesn’t like compliments and to not put him on a pedestal. So I stopped the compliments. He also said he did not like to receive gifts. He did not ever compliment me however. I was ok with that. I did ask after 3 months if we could have lunch one day a week or see each other one additional night for dinner or coffee. We would face time each other every night as well before bed. He said ok but it did not happen. He works 8 hours a day, gets up early at 4:15 and takes a nap after work for about an hour or so, goes to bed by 9:15. I understood all of that and did not put pressure on him. He told me he use to have lunch with his mother on Saturdays until we started going out and then our relationship developed into a pattern of Saturday nights and therefore he couldn’t see his mother, especially if he had to work that Saturday. This was not known to me until he said it. I told him that all he had to do was tell me and I would understand. He did tell me in the beginning and we agreed we wanted a long-term exclusive relationship. He told me he thought I was trying to force the relationship and it freaked him out. I was going by his lead, I think, because he was so into me in the beginning that I felt comfortable to be that way back. I probably assumed, wrongly so, that Saturday night was out night. Anyway, we had a lot of fun together, he was rude to me a few times, said he knew it and apologized, he is OCD, but I was able to overlook that. He also told me he was troubled by the fact I revisited a restaurant we went to for lunch, about a week after we went, because I wanted to get a carry out for my and my sons dinner that night. He asked me why I would go there after he took me, he said it was like I was copying him…and said it freaked him out. I said I went there because the food was so good. I miss him, I want to text him, but know I should not. Advise??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 12, 2019 at 11:31 pm

      Hi Debra the reaction to you going to that restaurant is an emotional one where you need to understand he may not be coping with the break up well. If you want to get him back then start texting as a friend first and build up to flirting as if it was a new person again

  3. Renee

    August 17, 2019 at 10:13 am

    I started dating a guy six months back. He confessed he likes me. Looking at the charm and politeness I showed interest in him. We used to chat for hours. Then we started meeting up again and again. But after 4 months I asked him to commit to me. He said he can’t commit because of employment and family pressure. Also he is a widower, though I came to know about it 3 months after I dated him.
    Now we started fighting a lot. I got his phone call cut off in the middle of the conversation and he got yelled at by me.
    He told me he got jailed for a pending case.
    He blocked me on WhatsApp. He then contacted after 7 days saying he is calling from jail.
    I doubted that so I checked his social media through my friends account. Devastated to find that he still exists on them all with the exception of blocking me.
    I kept fighting for my live and asked the reason he did that. For 15days he simply picked my call asked my wellbeing and ignored me. No happiness or excitement can be seen.
    Yesterday he again called after drinking saying he want me back. I said ok. Made him apologize. Today he hasn’t called yet. Still ignoring my text.
    Why do you think he contacted me then?
    What to do?
    I am addicted to him.

  4. BH

    August 4, 2019 at 5:52 pm

    My ex was my fiance, we just bought a home together. He was a mamas boy and I was starting to call him out on things, and his mother started being very evil and controlling towards me. He finally couldn’t handle the stress and just left with my engagement ring. A friend who I asked to be a bridesmaid then started slandering my name and bringing up my personal life story in lies and he fed off it. I caught him in a lie, he blocked me, and told me if I contacted him in any way he would see it as harrassment and treat it approrpiately. What in the what happened? I feel all kind of things from this was a huge mistake you got cold feet thats all, to no one should have been in our business, to he chose to listen and not stand by me, to how can you just love enough to marry me and buy a home with me and leave and block so coldly. I was so in love, and am going through all the grief, loss, anger, hurt, confusion. Want him back so bad but dont think I could ever be okay with how I was treated. Focus on yourself everyone says. Hard to do sometimes when your dreams are shattered and heart crushed into pieces. I’m at a loss.

  5. Ning

    July 25, 2019 at 3:14 pm

    Hi…i m ning my ex broke up with me without any reason its been 1 year bt i really luv him recently i posted insta story with some1else and he unfollowed me …now i have to go to my relative’s place where he lives plz tell me ho to get him back or how to face him ..how to get him back

  6. Maitri

    July 1, 2019 at 6:56 am

    I was dating a guy for the past 4 months. He had a rough past where in out of his 3 previous relationships, he had been cheated on twice. He trusted me, but never opened up with me. We fought in and out for being secretive and not sharing his thoughts and one day he ended up the relationship saying that he couldnt change himself, and was apologetic.

    But post breakup he came and looked out for me atleast once in a day ( we both work in the same organisation) a few weeks later I confronted “what exactly went wrong” and finally he told a little about his past and added that he knows he will eventually regret dumping me in the long run. But he wasnt willing to be friends and still comes and looks out for me.

    What exactly is on his mind ?

  7. Susan

    May 16, 2019 at 12:01 am

    Susan hope u cant effective advise regarding may situation.last yr 2018 nov. I met him, since then we see each other once a week till we love each other. We have alot in common we are happy when we are together..he have already wife and have two kids, he always td me that im very big different regarding attitudes to his wife he told me theyve always fighting. Till time camw that his wife block him at social a d also the phone..she told not to go home already.tgen peb.2019 ge went to his home to see his 2 kids but surprise him that his wife gone with other man..his wife left her kids and brought his atm all his salary. He sent tx to me that he will bri g his 2 kids 2 my house but i didnr replied to him because i got shock and im not ready. I turned off my phone the whe day so he couldnt called me up and i leave house and stay my friends house. At night when i open my phone my sister tx me, that may boy fruend and his 2 kids are already at home and my boy friend left his 2 kids at home and he went to the site where he is working. I didnt comeback at home that night. In the morning when im home i saw his 2 kids sleeping besides my 2 baby. And i decided to bring his 2 kids to the bar if my sister beside the site where he used to work. I called him to come up and told him that they myst find first a house where they could live because im not yet ready. I helped them find thier shelter and all expencess shoulder by me because he dont have any money by that time. Half month i shouldered anything they needs and get nany gor his two kids. I spent time then at night then i spent time with my kids at day time.month has past by his kuds got sick and mine to ge always told me that we should live together with oyr kids in same house as a family.i ralk to him very sincrely i told him think it very well before we decide to live together..if still love yoyr wife and what if time comes she will vome back to you are welling to forgive her…he answered no i dont love her anymore and i dont like to ve with her i want both of us and kids start new family. So we live together here my hoyse he nrought his kids and we live happy i love his 2 kids as mine i serve him them with love we go out every sunday he helped me at home when time we dont have a helper he got home early to helped some house work. But all of the sudden wife come up because she didnt have good life with her boyfriend they dont have work and they dont have anything. Wife came up to the baranggay and demand for her kids to gave her and also the financial. My boy friend dont want to give to her thier 2 kids but at the end they have agrrement already the wife said that his husba d kidnapped tbeir 2 kids and the costudy was under to thier mother because 6 and 5 yrs old the age if thier kids..then agreement already made by baranggay. After 1 week again wife summon again to my boy friend that if her husband wont comeback to her she will file a case foy adultery and send to prison and fired his work if would come back to her. My my boy told me he will settle first and comeback to.me in the night. I let him go there at the baranngay to settle down e erything..but till midnight he didnt come back home. I texted him that i couldnt slept ge replied sorry i ll come back there very early in the morning.but again 8am already he still didnt come home i called him but he cacelled my call..and sent tx to me that i must not waited for him and leave tgem free because they still love to each other.i cried but i replied to him. I said its ok im not the one would will cause for your together and for your happiness. Then i went to hospital that night because im difficult to breathe then txted me around 9 pm he asked me. Where are you im here at your house i will get my clothes and other things.i said im here at the hospital he said is there person you left some ket duplicate. I said no..it went me dkwn and more hurtfull.why all of that he treated me that way why he excited getting his clothes instead of comforting first ralk me first..why he want get only clothes even without me at home. Where is the respect for me and all those days that they have nothing but im there at there side..its so hurt and all went me down to much anxiety and depression because he dumped me ì feel im only a garbage after all i felt he didnt value all about me ge dont care my feelings. Then he came up home and get his clothes he told me that he had nothing to do but to select his family than to have any trouble he said he treasured me and love me and cant forget.and he said i want you to e still for me because i dont want you lost but i have to settle down my family first.but no ge didnt care me he didnt call or texted me even i am sick he told me that ge would come to bring medicine but he didnt. I felt he pulling and it seems he didnt care me anymore..and that im sick now im suffering to much anxiety and depression.how to do i live him very much i xant eat well and its difficult to sleep pls..pls i need advise and what is the best things to do and how could i ket him realize that hexwas wrong by treated me like a garbage..pls i will read all your advise..im so sad and hopeless why hextreated me that way..
    Sincerely..susan and thanks for reading my story. What to do and what should i do

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 16, 2019 at 3:18 am

      Hi Susan…I can see you have been thru a lot . The focus now should be on your healing and recovery. My website is filled with helpful articles and podcasts that can strengthen your resolve and give you perspective, so feel free to tap into that. You are important to many people and your energies should be invested in lifting up “you” and doing things for yourself so you can find that emotional balance you deserve.

  8. Susan

    May 15, 2019 at 10:44 pm

    Thank you for this nice advice

  9. Nat

    November 2, 2018 at 12:49 pm

    Hi. Chris.
    I broke up with my ex three weeks ago without any formal closure. I suddenly disappeared from his view to implement my NC. He contacted me for two days before he stopped texting. I thought I will not come back to him because he is no good for me but I guess it’s because of the attachment and habit, I just couldn’t let this relationship go. I check my phone all the time expecting any message or missed call from him but it has been three weeks since my NC and I did
    not hear from him except his replies for my message. I texted him after NC for two weeks talking about my night out with friends and he replied two messages politely and friendly and our conversation ended. I did not hear from him since then. I guess he lost his interest and has moved on. Should I text him to have a formal closure?

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 2, 2018 at 10:49 pm

      Hi Nat!

      I would give it a break for awhile. Then reach out in a few week. Could be a different situation by then.

  10. Confused Forfa

    October 16, 2018 at 9:39 pm

    I did the no contact rule for at least 2 months and then my X came to help me with my projector which gave me a problem last week. We had some fun though as X’s. He even tried to kiss me and touch me and I refused (at first if I may say). Next he called me to his house and I tried refusing but I gave in. At his place he started kissing me and tried to be intimate which I wasn’t comfortable to do. Unfortunately I gave in again andi feel low about it. He told me how much he missed me but sad he said he had moved on but the girl was just a “rebound”. Thats according to him. I didn’t like what I heard so I stopped communicating. Until today i bumped into him with the girl he talked about. I was so nervous that i wished i could varnish in thin air. He greeted me as I passed and I did too. My bad I walked back to greet this lady, smiled and asked a bit about herself. She first said she is his girlfriend and “dude” spoke something and she changed her statement and said, “no I’m not his girlfriend”. It was so awkward that I couldn’t stay there for long. My X took my hand and wanted to kiss it, which I refused and said bye. I walked away but I felt unstable. I love him and I felt jealous (though I didn’t show). I don’t know what to do next. Is he going to strive back to me or I did bad? Did I do the right thing? Was I supposed to move him from her and do some drama? What next… I’m confused. Help me tuckle this one so I know if I have lost him forever.

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 17, 2018 at 12:52 am

      Hi there!

      Best to have an ex recovery plan. I know if can feel confusing, but if you have a blueprint to follow on how you can get him back, it smooths things out. Go visit my home page and check out the resources there!

  11. Sarah

    April 14, 2018 at 4:02 pm

    My ex and I still live together, he’s moving out next month. I initiated the no contact period, but when he texts me do I just ignore him? Or do I be short? Or do I be flirty? When I first initiated the no contact, he kept trying to make conversation with me when we were both home, but now it seems like he’s trying to “get me back” by not talking to me either. He only texts me if it’s asking me a question about something. So how do I respond? Do I even respond?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 5:03 am

      In my massive ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book”, I get into all that and more. It really depends on a lot of factors. The signs are good here. Just make sure you have a game plan to follow. Without knowing all the details, No Contact is pretty hard to pull of when you are still living together. You guys are in the feeling out stage of possible reconciliation. Try being nice and supportive and see if he reciprocates and then go slow with the positive flow. Ride it.

  12. Mika

    February 22, 2018 at 12:15 am

    Girls, listen up. Getting your ex back is not that hard. I will now tell what would work on me.

    1. Admit your own mistakes and give sincere apology (after no contact)

    Leave your pathetic ego behind and show some maturity by owning your dark side and take responsibility of your own shitty behavior. It is not needy. You have no idea how much I respect this approach and you would make my heart melt by doing that.

    2. Focus on becoming the best woman you can ever be.

    Go to see therapist. Read some self help books. Get a new hobby. Meditate. Do whatever you need to do.

    Its not that hard. No games or bullshit strategy needed. Just be authentic and open without being desperate. If he does not take you back, he is not your guy. Then you can just move on. All kind of manipulation, strategy etc is needy and deceptive crap.

  13. Dstar

    February 14, 2018 at 8:21 pm


    So I’ve been toying with the idea of reaching out to someone who is not a close friend of mine to get a more unbiased opinion. After almost, and I say almost 4 years of dating and once move across the country, I was dumped a day before our 4 year anniversary.

    We were in a good place, or so I thought, there was no fighting, but no real growth in our relationship either, and then one night he sits me down and tells me that we need to talk. He goes on to say that the relationship is over and that there is no chance that in the future he will want to revisit it again.

    I was blown away because never in my mind did I think this was how our relationship would meet its end. He said that he had been thinking about it for a while and that he had to try and shut down relationship mode and come to terms that he would never see the dogs we shared again in order to go through with the break up. He said that he needed to be sure that he could live without me and if he could he was going to break up with me.

    I, naturally, objected, stating in the heat of the moment how unfair it was to blindside me like that, and how tragic it was that it only took him a few weeks to rid himself of 4 years together. The following days I tried to get him to talk more about it, ie his reasoning behind such a serious choice. However, he was very shut down, only stating that he was sad and didn’t want to talk about it.

    I have managed to get some points of clarity over the past few weeks, the break up happened about 3 weeks ago, and he says he’s now at a point where he doesn’t know if he wants to get back together, which is different than his previous statement of never again. He says the he is very broken and has checked out of relationship mode and doesn’t know if he can get himself back to that place, at least not with me.

    I know that I should not keep on pressuring him to talk about the situation if he is not ready. Sometimes I just speak my mind and have him listen.

    After all this has happened, I realized a lot of the stuff I’ve done in the past, during our relationship can be construed as hurtful behavior and I explained to him, that even though he thought I was being mean to him, it didn’t mean I didn’t love him. I think part of him convinced himself that I did not love him and that when he broke up with me, I’d agree and we’d part as friends. I’ve tried to reassure him that I did love him, and still do.

    What I need help with the how to win him back, obviously, but no, in all seriousness, I’m stuck because in my mind he has not definitively ended the relationship, but I also don’t want to keep trying and breaking my heart over and over.

    I want to try and give him the space and time that he needs, but at the same time I want to preserve my sanity through all this. Oh here’s the catch, we live together. I have moved into the guest room in an effort to give him some space, but we share a house and 2 dogs.

    I know that if I continue to pressure him into talking I could lose him for good, but I’m also not so sure I haven’t already lost him. He has told me that he sees himself as single and that’s just the way it is in his head. I, on the other hand, am still hanging on to hope.

    If there is any advice you can provide, or some sort of virtual hug, or even a dose of reality, please feel free to lay it on me.

    Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 11:12 pm

  14. Lisa

    January 20, 2018 at 4:32 pm

    Hi again Amor

    My ex sendt me a text on the 10th day of the nc, asking how i was doing and so on. I didnt reply, so he texted a questionmark the day after. I broke the nc, as you recommended, on the 12th nc day, saying shortly that I was still hartbroken, I still didnt understand why, and that if he was willing to, I had a lot of things I wanted to talk about, but unless he wanted to try, I could not speak to or se him anymore. He answered within 20 seconds saying “I really want to talk to you!! are you in town?” I have already left for holiday with my friends, and he is traveling tomorrow. So I replied one hour later and said just that, and that we would have to talk when we are both back home, and ended with “have a good trip” to end the conversation. He replied back 10 minutes later saying, “totaly fair!! where and with who are you going?” I have still not answered, should I answer? And I’m afraid I didnt express clearly enough that I wanted to see if we could work it out, or we cant have an relationship at all, and maybe he now thinks we could just be friends? Because I think he wants that, but I obviously dont want that. What sould I say when we meet? Should I post photos from my holiday? I know he will, and that he sees If i check them. Or should I wait with everything, until I ask him face to face is he wants to try us, and if he then says no, go into a proper nc?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2018 at 7:02 am

      You should post.. Just start out with asking how he is, his trip and then open up trying again and what you both can work out..if he doesn’t agree, tell him being friends is not workable right now and then start nc

  15. W

    January 20, 2018 at 5:22 am

    Hi amor , what if i actually deep down still wanting him back . What are his intention, i dont even know hmm

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2018 at 5:20 am

      That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move on and just keep chasing…

  16. w

    January 19, 2018 at 5:43 pm

    Hey Amor, my ex just contacted me again. I actually ended NC a month ago and he contacted me 2 days before my NC ended and i replied him due to it’s a serious issue. We talked for a week and he just ignore my message one day. We dint talk since then but we meet up for sport every week without any interaction. Today he texted me out of a sudden asking me if i wanna go swim later, but i ignored because i dint know what to reply and what he wants. He been saying we cant get back tgt because it’s not the time and sort of we have different core values, but why he’s still contacting me. What should i do now Amor, should i reply anything?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 20, 2018 at 4:47 am

      Nope.. If you really want to move on, stop letting him use you as a friend..

  17. Lisa

    January 18, 2018 at 1:23 am

    Hi Amor,
    Thank you for responding. I’m now 10 days into the nc, do you mean I should brake it, to ask him if thats really the reason, and if we could work it out? He has not texted me yet, but i know he checks my social media, and he did say I should contact him when I felt ready for it. I know he would meet me now if I asked for it, and I do feel he has answered me honest, about not knowing precisely why he has feelt the way he felt, and being confused. But I do feel it would be good for him to (maybe) miss me for a period of time, and get his head and thoughts sortet. Should I break the nc?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 19, 2018 at 4:28 pm

      Yes. And if he doesn’t want to work it out, start nc..

  18. Sarah

    January 17, 2018 at 3:29 pm

    Hi – My LD boyfriend ended things with me a few days ago after 4 months. He said he’s a commitment phobe and finds it hard to settle down. He admitted that he liked the chase and once he got my attention he felt like that goal had been accomplished. He then went onto admit that he has a problem and for the first time seemed to genuinely open up to me. He said we are two different people and we wouldn’t work out. I never said anything, just accepted his words. Since that day he has called and texted me everyday. Although I am a little colder in my responses. I have since told him that I need a break from him for a bit, he accepted. Will the NC rule count if I have pre warned him that I don’t want to talk to him for?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2018 at 8:33 am

      Hi Sarah,

      well you didn’t tell him for how long you’re going to ignore him, so that’s ok..

  19. Mel

    January 17, 2018 at 2:51 am

    One year relationship with an amazing man. Very kind caring and sweet. Said and did all the right things. Except he has a huge drinking problem. We never argued, we were redoing a house together, he was exceptional to my son. After leave an extremely abusive relationship before him, I decided he was a genuinely great guy and opened my heart and trusted him. The only time we ever had any problems was when his drinking got out of hand. It was only on 3 occasion that he was absolutely out of control drinking and those time ended in arguing and him ultimately apologizing and begging forgiveness. I caved every time. But the last time was different. He decided he was done. He wouldn’t give me a reason why. I begged and pleated for an answer but never got one. He would just say you won’t change my mind. I’m standing firm on this. I just left it alone after that. We’re on day 21 of NC. I’m still hurt and confused but I’m taking this time to take care of me. I got a text from him on day 18 asking how my new job was going and asked for us to exchange our belongings. I didn’t want to break the NC, I’ve made it so far. I ignore the first text. Then came several others. So you’re not going to say a word? Just let me know when you can. So just text me when you’re available. And a couple others similar to these. I ignored them all. I got another one similar the next morning. I finally decided I had to break NC just bc he was asking for his personal belongings. I sent an upbeat text back that my job was awesome and said I’d let him know when I was available. He replied but I ignored it. 30 days of NC is in a week. I don’t want to exchange our stuff bc to me that’s the end. What do I even say after NC? Hey, come get your stuff now. ??? Seems kind of like the 30 days of NC were pointless in this situation. Any advise ??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2018 at 7:29 am

      Hi Mel,

      it’s ok to talk about exchanging stuff during nc as long as it’s only about that.. The nc is for you to focus in improving yourself and in posting.. So, that you will be more rational, less emotional when you start building rapport again.. It’s not to make other change their mind.. If they do, good. If not, proceed with the process of slowly building rapport while continuing improving yourself.

  20. Lisa

    January 13, 2018 at 4:34 am

    (English is not my mother tounge, so pardon the language)
    My boyfriend broke up with me the first day after the christmasholidays. We are both 23 years old and have been together for 2,5 years. There was no signs before the holiday, and we were only talking about moving in together and I just took a job near his apartement to be closer to him, so the breakup was a shock for me. I did not know What to tell him when he told me, and i frankly find it hard to even remember what he said. Therefore for the next two days i sendt several texts asking why, and that i was shocked and in pain and so on. And that i could not understand How he could do this, and in this way. He answered every time, but did not have any reason to why he didnt love me any more, said that he was confused, and that he has loved everything about the last two yeas, but that he has had a bad feeling for the past month. He also said he was so sorry about the way and time he did it, and that he wanted to be there for me through this hard time. We are both under a lot off pressure from school right now, so he wanted to talk after our exams, “beacuse our relationship deserved it” I sendt one last text saying Sorry for being mean, and wished him good luck with exams. I started the nc period after that, and its been 6 days. I belive some of the reason he broke up with me was beacuse i was to busy and not speending enough time with him, not showing enough affection, so is it not a bad idea to pretend that i am super busy after the nc if that was a part of the problem? And not to be flirty is that was a problem as well? We have talked about the fact that we show love in different ways. We have a lot in common when it comes to core values and interest, i truely belive we could be the ones for eatch other. How can i show him that i really want this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 11:33 am

      Hi Lisa,

      If that’s really the reason, why not talk to him about first? Ask him if that’s really the reason, if he says, talk to him if you could work it out. If he says no, then start nc…

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