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Fara
December 29, 2017 at 4:41 am
I have couple with my ex for 3 months and now I’m in the middle of NC rules for 17 days. He do not send me any text and I’m also do not text him during this NC rules. He broke up with me because he say that he still trauma with their first ex which his had for 4 years in relationship. However it was 1 year ago. I do anything before I decide to do NC rules like begging him and I looked very desperate at that time. He say that he don’t want me to get too attached with him. We have a wonderful relationship and just have fight for one or two times. He say he just wanna be friend with me and if we are really meant to be together we will be together. But I really love and miss him so much. I don’t have idea either he also feel the similar feelings just like me. During my relationship, he was the first one to confess that he love me. And we start to be friend first then we decided to be a lover. But it was 3 months ago. What can I do right now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 31, 2017 at 8:40 pm
Hi Fara,
did you mean your relationship was 3 months? How active are you improving yourself and in posting?
Deedee
December 29, 2017 at 2:18 am
One year relationship where I was supposed to be strengthening myself and he found me. We had 3 dates and he moved quickly. He asked a million times for me to move in and I did after 2 months. It was beautiful until the fights began. I was self sabotaging because of trust issues and my past. He was selfish and a bit controlling. He never wanted to discuss and learn from arguments because he doesn’t know how to fight he claims. He usually did what he wanted and disregarded my feelings. I became alone in the relationship and I gave way too much because I loved him but started pulling away. He claimed he wasn’t good enough and hated the fights. He got distant. We have toxic communication. I left and moved out. 2 months of mixed signals from my end we began over. He was making the effort communicating but when we met he still had unresolved anger over my leaving and broke up with me via text. Over some weeks of ignoring him he came back and apologized for being stupid and wanted to actually give us a real chance. I fell for it and we started over properly. Things were amazing until 2 weeks later we had a big fight that turned him completely off and he broke up with me again. I was again disappointed and decided I am done with the bullshit and I stopped talking to him and began nc. I still love him but he does not have much emotional intelligence or he just can’t come to terms with the fact that he doesn’t want to be with me but can’t make the decision to end it finally. He still messages me through nc but I haven’t responded. I too need to make a decision. I don’t deserve a man who doesn’t choose me everyday. I deserve someone who will make me feel safe emotionally.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 31, 2017 at 8:29 pm
That’s good.. how long have you been in nc?
mareeka dookie
December 28, 2017 at 10:38 pm
One year relationship where I was supposed to be strengthening myself and he found me. We had 3 dates and he moved quickly. He asked a million times for me to move in and I did after 2 months. It was beautiful until the fights began. I was self sabotaging because of trust issues and my past. He was selfish and a bit controlling. He never wanted to discuss and learn from arguments because he doesn’t know how to fight he claims. He usually did what he wanted and disregarded my feelings. I became alone in the relationship and I gave way too much because I loved him but started pulling away. He claimed he wasn’t good enough and hated the fights. He got distant. We have toxic communication. I left and moved out. 2 months of mixed signals from my end we began over. He was making the effort communicating but when we met he still had unresolved anger over my leaving and broke up with me via text. Over some weeks of ignoring him he came back and apologized for being stupid and wanted to actually give us a real chance. I fell for it and we started over properly. Things were amazing until 2 weeks later we had a big fight that turned him completely off and he broke up with me again. I was again disappointed and decided I am done with the bullshit and I stopped talking to him and began nc. I still love him but he does not have much emotional intelligence or he just can’t come to terms with the fact that he doesn’t want to be with me but can’t make the decision to end it finally. He still messages me through nc but I haven’t responded. I too need to make a decision. I don’t deserve a man who doesn’t choose me everyday. I deserve someone who will make me feel safe emotionally.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 31, 2017 at 8:29 pm
That’s good.. how long have you been in nc?
AB
December 28, 2017 at 8:08 pm
I dated a guy for 3 months in which we first fought in mid November and he broke up saying we should stay friends. One week later, he came back. Then it went good for about two weeks but I fought with him again due to a very careless behavior of his. After that he made up his mind that we should stay only friends as he thinks we are incompatible and his feelings are gone. It has been almost a month now. We even lived together for a week midway but hardly any fruitful interaction. Now we talk only on text as friends and seems like he does not care now. He sends me snapchats everyday but no other text/call. I am the one who usually texts him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 31, 2017 at 8:03 pm
Hi Ab,
do you want to try the nc rule?
Curious
December 28, 2017 at 7:50 pm
I’ve done “no contact” several times. Every time I do, he initiates contact within a month or two. Every time, I give up and move on. I hear from him but he never follows through on plans. I decided the other day to build rapport and just treat him like a friend. It went well and he wants to help me fix things up at my house, which is fine but I’ve decided that I can’t do anything more than kissing and if he gets mad about it. I’ll just go back into “nc”. I think fooling around with him will make me come across as easy. I haven’t seen him in two years. He needs to earn it. I think the only way to gain his respect back is to stick to my guns and for him to realize that if it means losing him forever by not doing anything more than kissing then I’m willing to let him go. I know he wants sex but I also know that I’ll have a better chance of getting him back by not giving in and not caring if he walks away.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 31, 2017 at 8:01 pm
yup, that’s the right way to think about it.
P.B
December 28, 2017 at 7:46 pm
Thank you Amor.
Yes, it may be a friendzone but it’s a weird one because he is always telling me that he still “desires” me, asking me for my pictures (and when I send him one, he almost overreact, he gets “crazy”) and all that… It’s a friendzone / almost friends with benefits (of course not, we are long distance and…I am avoiding that, I want him back, not that kind of relationship) situation. I’m stuck there. Friends + hard flirting but no more.
Should I try that 45 days NC then? I’m afraid he may forget me…even more with distance. I’m very active in social media and my social life is fine but I am afraid he wouldn’t notice, I don’t know…
Lizzie
December 28, 2017 at 1:32 pm
Hi,
The most amazing thing happened last night… my ex text me out of nowhere making sure im okay since my dad died around christmas so he knows its a difficult time. He broke up with me about 2months ago and i did NC while improving myself. i know he and a girl he works with has a crush on each other but hes told me theyre just friends.Anyway,we were talking for most of the night and he was being lovely and i asked if maybe we could get back together and he said he didnt know what was going to happen.This morning again i asked if we might get back together and he said we were just friends but when i asked if he wanted to kiss me he said yes.He also said he just wants to take things slow and we’re going to meet up and watch a movie we’ve both wanted to see for a while. im not sure what i should do next,i feel like i should back off from talking about getting back together as i think this is putting him off. What should i do next and what should i do when i see him? Do you think he really just wants to be friends and nothing more? Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2017 at 8:17 pm
Hi Lizzie,
yup, you have to stop doing that because it makes you look like a chaser.. take it slow, let him work his way back to you.
Naf
December 28, 2017 at 9:56 am
Does my boyfriend wants something more from me in his house?cause pushes me away when I want to hug him and he says doesnt like in poblic but he wants me touch him in public ?I asked him why my hug no but if i touch you is ok for you? but he wants to hug me in his house and it is been just 3months after our date and i think it is too soon to go to home?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2017 at 7:29 pm
Hi Naf,
looks like he wants to make you his friend with benefits.
Curious
December 28, 2017 at 12:35 am
Been broken up with mine for two years. I’ll go no contact for a month or so and then hear from him. He asked to meet for drinks and I told him that if he was serious to schedule it. He didn’t. He blames me for the break up. I broke up with him and then he broke up with me b/c he didn’t feel I was totally into him. He has offered to help me with fix uppers at my house but I fear he’s using it as a reason to see me for sex, which I refuse. I don’t know if I should just keep it at kissing but I know he’s going to get pissed. I want more but not sex. I’m not sure how to handle it if he comes over. I say that I keep it at kissing and if he doesn’t like it and I don’t hear from him then I know that physical is all that he wanted. We texted last over 3 hours but I don’t intend to initiate contact again. He responded to my text the other day as well but gets mad if I don’t answer right away. It’s weird. It’s like he doesn’t want me but he wants me to want him. I’m afraid that if I do hold back that he will perceive it as games. He tends to perceive things that way when they truly aren’t.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2017 at 6:31 pm
how many times have you done nc? setting ultimatums is wrong, like saying “If he’s serious, he would reschedule.” because if you meant you don’t want to meet him at night to avoid sleeping with him, just tell him thanks but you’re only available sched is lunch at this day..if he doesn’t say ok, I can go at that day, then let it go.. you have to let time and more instances pass to see if he’s really serious.
P.B
December 27, 2017 at 11:12 pm
Thanks for anwsering. I’ve been building rapport since May-June, more or less. He started to initiate more conversations, even with “excuses” (asking things anyone could answer better than me) but other timmes he takes days fr answering… Now he is answering my Christmas message, one answer for day, no more. And he is more absent, not posting too much in social media and all… I don’t know if it’s for the situation (Christmas far from home, alone, much work), I guess… But I am always afraid that he may meet another girl. And I would like to be there for him but after these months, I only have the “friends” part and the attraction / flirting part. I need to recover the emotional connection, I know that e may have having a difficult time alone these days and I would like him to trust me, to need me… But this is something that I can’t control. I want to have more but I don’t know how…
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2017 at 6:24 pm
if you’ve broken up since may, then yes, you are friendzoned.. since it’s your second nc, you have to make it your last and make it 45 days.
P.B
December 25, 2017 at 11:17 pm
Well, he answered, not exactly distant but…not so receptive as another times. My texts didn’t have too much to answer but… I texted him something more and I don’t know if I crossed the line. I told him that could have a “present” for him, because he always wanted me to send him my pictures and call it “presents”, in or flirting zone. I don’t know if he is going to ignore me and… As I said in the other post, he is spending his first Christmas alone, and since he is very close to his family, he may not be very happy (well, in social media he seems to be). So I don’t know if he is not very recetive for me or for his situation. Should I go NC? I would love to be there for him, even with distance, but since the break up he never shares his emotional part with me (and I would need it, would be the way to get closer but…I can’t force him). I don’t know if I shoud text him in NYE and then going NC (without telling, obviously), not texting anymore… I don’t know. Until a few weeks ago he was being closer than ever and now… What should I do
P. B
December 25, 2017 at 2:59 pm
I was in flirt/fried zone (we’ve months like that, after the NC month). But two weeks ago he stopped responding (last thing he said was that he is still attracted to me a lot). He s busy with work but he is in social media everyday at least for a while. He even ignored my Christmas greetings. However, after my text he watched my snapchats after monts without doing it. I don’t know why is he ignoring me. Well, sometimes he spends days without reading my messages but… This time is different, ignoring me in Christmas? Which he is spending alone for the first time because is is living away. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 27, 2017 at 8:59 pm
Hi Pb
how long have you been building rapport?