By Chris Seiter

Published on September 10th, 2021

So, how are you supposed to know when your ex is truly done with you?

After all, most people don’t want to keep putting effort into a lost cause of getting their ex back if there’s virtually no chance.

Today we will go through 13 signs that show your ex is truly done with you.

  1. Your Exes Rebound Is No Longer A Rebound
  2. They Never Unblock You
  3. It’s Been Months And All Of Your Pictures Together Are Still Up
  4. You Can Tell They Are Just Responding To Be Nice To You
  5. There’s Been A Steady Decline In The Volume Of Communications Between The Two Of You
  6. Your Ex Stops Laughing At Your Jokes Or Playing Along With Inside Jokes
  7. The Two Of You Have An Argument And They Don’t Care About Making Up With You
  8. You Find Yourself In A Friends With Benefits Situation
  9. They Cared More About The One That Got Away Than They Did About You
  10. If Your Ex Cares More About Something Else During Romantic Moments Together
  11. If Your Ex Keeps Cancelling Dates At The Last Minute
  12. If You Imagine Having Kids Together With This Person And Just Think It’s A Nightmare
  13. You’ve Been On Again Off Again More Than Three Times And Nothing Has Changed

As always, these signs aren’t derived from random theories and hypotheses; these are real-life situations we have seen based on failures in the ex recovery process.

These people really wanted to get their exes back but ultimately learned that their ex didn’t want anything to do with them.

So we hope that this article gives you a psychological understanding of your ex’s mind and helps you prematurely identify these signs, so you don’t waste your time trying to get them back.

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Sign #1: Your Exes Rebound Is No Longer A Rebound

Recently we’ve been talking a lot about this concept of understanding that when your ex moves on to someone new, there’s this breaking point from when that relationship becomes more serious. Now ultimately, our research suggests that an average rebound relationship will last between three to seven months, but that’s a wide range.

When we average out the research, most rebound relationships will last around 5.2 months.

Now you need to remember that this is just an average – some rebounds last a couple of weeks, and some can even last 2 years! This is not an exact science, but it’s definitely a good starting point.

Since the timeline isn’t exact, your best bet at finding out whether this rebound is anything more using the being there method.

The being there method is the recommended strategy for people whose exes have moved on. It involves being a friend who provides emotional support and slowly makes their way back to their ex’s romantic interests.

If your ex lets you get too close during the being there method, there’s a high chance this is a rebound relationship instead of a real honest one. However, if your ex is cutting you off when you’re trying to be there for them, they may be getting serious about the new person.

Sign #2: They Never Unblock You

No one ever wants to get blocked by their ex after a breakup, but it’s a pretty common set of behaviors. As millennials have gotten older, I’ve noticed that this becomes more and more commonplace with concepts like ghosting and blocking making it easy to get over an ex. However, in most cases being blocked by an ex isn’t a permanent situation.

Typically, in 70% of the cases of being blocked, your ex will end up unblocking you if you do nothing or exhibit secure tendencies.

They do this because they’re curious to see what you’re up to, and after some time has gone by, they recognize that the blocking was an impulsive and immature decision.

However, that still leaves 30% of people who never get unblocked.

That might be a scary number, but really what it means is that your ex has no interest in pursuing things with you at all. So if anything, they’re doing you a favor by taking away false hope.

Now it’s almost important to note what kind of block you’re facing. You have the soft block where you may be blocked on Facebook, but you can still call them and text them.

Then you have a hard block where you’re blocked everywhere imaginable. The only way left to talk to them is aggressive stalker behavior like showing up to their house in person, so if it’s getting to that point, your ex is probably done with you. That hard block means it’s time to move on.

Sign #3: It’s Been Months And All Of Your Pictures Are Still Up

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This one may be shocking because no one looks at it this way, but it’s all about the opposite of love.

I always say that the opposite of love is not hate; it’s indifference.

What’s more indifferent than someone who doesn’t care about your old pictures and leaves them up? It’s almost their way of saying it’s not worth the effort to look back and delete those pictures because they don’t mean anything now.

This may sound like a stretch, but honestly, someone who has sentimental value attached to pictures will not be able to look at them and be okay. So if your ex leaves up all the pictures with you, they probably don’t care anymore.

Sign #4: You Can Tell They’re Just Responding To Be Nice

I don’t think I need to explain this one too in-depth.

We’ve all been there in our lives where we have had someone pursue us, and we have not reciprocated those feelings.

But since we’re nice people who don’t want to crush their hearts, we still act nice to them.

Now, this isn’t to say we lead them on; just be cordial and kind.

I’ve been on both sides of the situation, and it sucks either way. If you’re on the receiving end, you’re so hyperfocused on this person that you’re overanalyzing everything they say, but you miss the subtle cues that they’re just not into you like that.

I’ve been on the giving end of this too, and it’s just as hard. It feels awful to break someone’s heart, but at the same time, I think it’s better to rip the bandaid off and tell the person you don’t have romantic feelings for them.

In the case of your ex, they will often respond nicely to you because of your shared history. But there is a way to determine if your ex is only responding to you to be nice.

Keep an eye out for non-commital, interested, one-word responses.

These unengaged responses are a straight giveaway that your ex doesn’t actually care to be in the conversation, no matter how interesting and relevant you try to make it. If you can’t get you can’t get them to mirror your level of intensity in conversation, they’re responding to be nice because they think that’s what’s expected of them.

Sign #5: There’s Been A Steady Decline In The Volume Of Communications

When I take a deep look into people who failed at getting their exes back, a steady pattern emerges where the volume of conversation starts to decline steadily.

This is why I’ll always recommend to my clients that when they’re talking to their ex, they should be charting the flow of conversation.

This means noting down and analyzing how many messages they send versus how many they get back and the intensity of the conversation. It sounds a bit tedious, but it can give valuable insights into your ex’s frame of mind.

You will notice that if your ex is not into you anymore, they’ll slowly but surely ratchet down the volume of conversation.

Perhaps they wanted closure (or wanted to give your closure) after a breakup, so they still talked to you, but eventually, they will lose interest and talk to you less and less.

Sign #6: Your Ex Stops Laughing At Your Jokes Or Playing Along With Inside Jokes

Imagine that you have secured yourself a date with your ex, and you start talking and sharing jokes, but your ex doesn’t actually laugh.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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You might get a smile or an awkward headshake, but they’re definitely not responding how they used to. Why is that?

Well, at that point, your ex isn’t really paying attention to your joke, but they’re thinking, “why am I here? Why am I doing this to myself?”

Another great way to test this is to bring up old inside jokes. If your ex plays along with the inside jokes like old times, then you’re on the right track. But if they don’t really vibe with the joke and brush it off, that’s a sign they’re probably over you.

Sign #7: The Two Of You Have An Argument And They Don’t Care About Making Up With You

Now arguments are bound to happen, even though we tell our clients to avoid them.

An ex who’s interested in you will try to make up with you and apologize for their part of the argument.

If they aren’t the type of apologetic person, they will still bring the argument up and try to balance things out and smooth things over.

On the other hand, an ex who’s done with you will do the exact opposite.

They’ll argue with you and not care about bonding and fixing things. If your ex is acting stubborn like that, then there’s a high chance they’re done with you, and that’s why they don’t want to put the effort to talk things out.

Sign #8: You Find Yourself In A Friends With Benefits Situation

This may be controversial because one can argue that if you are friends with benefits, that potentially means that your ex still has feelings for you.

But we’ve found that if you are friends with benefits with your ex, commitment is usually extremely hard to come by.

We think that once you cross that line of physical intimacy with your ex, they realize that they can get all the emotional and physical perks of being in a relationship without being tied down by labels.

They will take advantage of the situation and refuse to commit to anything more substantial.

Sign #9: They Cared More About The One That Got Away Than You

So let’s jump in our time machines and go back to the relationship with your ex.

If you notice your ex getting hung up about their ex and that you might have potentially been a rebound, it’s not a great sign.

Each one of us has that one that got away. The regret of wishing you could go back and do things differently.

And if your ex has that with their past relationship and they are often comparing you to their ex or bringing up that relationship, it’s a good sign that they are not as into you as you are into them.

Sign #10: If Your Ex Cares More About Something Else During Your Romantic Moments Together

This is a pretty obvious sign your ex is done with you because their mind will be anywhere except with you in romantic moments together. I’m gonna share a personal story here that really illustrates this point.

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So I’m in my early 20s, and I asked out this girl who I’d had a crush on since we were kids.

I was excited to learn more about her, but here’s what I thought within the first five minutes into the date:

“This girl isn’t as intellectually engaging as I hoped she would be.”

This bugged me so much that sometimes she’d be talking, and it would look like I was listening, but internally I was elsewhere.

If you’ve ever been on a date without a spark, you’ll know that exact feeling of realizing there’s nothing there and then having to sit through the next couple of hours in awkwardness, knowing you could be doing something else.

Let’s circle this around to your situation with your ex. If you’re out on a date with your ex and they’re not properly engaged, and it seems like their mind is wandering, they’re not that into you.

They’re also probably struggling with this because they were into you at one point, which is creating a lot of confusion. Ultimately, it is not a good sign if you cannot engage them on an intellectual level to where they’re interested in what you’re saying.

Sign #11: If Your Ex Keeps Canceling Dates At The Last Minute

Honestly, I’m sure we’ve all been on the receiving and giving end of this situation.

Usually, we schedule dates and then realize we’re not actually interested, so we cancel at the last minute.

Sure, sometimes things come up, and people genuinely have to miss dates, but if your ex is doing this more than 3 times in a row, they’re probably just over you.

Sign #12: If You Imagine Having Kids Together And It’s A Nightmare

Okay, so this one may be controversial because I’m looking at it from your perspective, not your ex’s.

When the initial emotions subside after your breakup, you will start to see your ex’s true personality.

That’s when you should ask questions like what it would be like to have a life and family with this person.

If you think that raising kids with your ex would be a disaster, then maybe you should be done with them!

Sign #13: You’ve Been On Again/Off Again And Nothing Has Changed

That “nothing has changed” is key here.

I’ve been a record saying that on again off again relationships are the easiest to get back because they’re caught in that self-fulfilling drama cycle of breaking up and getting back together.

Either you or your ex falls in love with the chase and thrill of having to reignite feelings that you keep wanting it.

As soon as the honeymoon period wears off, things get boring, and you want to go through another breakup again, and this cycle is really difficult to break.

So if you’ve been thru this on again off again phase more than three times and nothing has changed, it might be a sign that things will not go well.

You may get your ex back, but ultimately it looks like a breakup could be on the horizon until one of you change.

People are typically resistant to change, so my best advice is to start exhibiting secure attachment style behaviors if you’re in this situation.

When you’re in the “on again” phase, exhibiting secure behaviors can potentially trigger “secure attachment gravity,” pushing your ex to adopt secure tendencies as well.

But if you’ve tried that and there’s still no change, then your ex truly has no genuine interest in maintaining a stable relationship, and it may be time to move on.

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7 thoughts on “How To Know Your Ex Is Truly Done With You”

  1. Angie

    June 25, 2022 at 9:46 pm

    My ex has me blocked on his phone and possibly deleted.. but has made his facebook public. I am not on social media does he think I will try and stalk him , is he wanting me to see hes having more fun now, hes never made his facebook public, hes 60yrs old.

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      July 18, 2022 at 8:34 pm

      Hi Angie, quite possibly he has made his account public in hope that you would be checking on him yes, be sure to stick with your 45 days NC for not and do not watch any of his socials

  2. Dorina Bató

    June 14, 2022 at 7:54 pm

    We have been on again- off again before his current ex- commited relationship is (that just ended this April because that girl cheated on him with her ex.)
    He viewed my LinkedIn profile in the first place, and I was told that he is proud of me.
    Then requested to follow my insta page, and he started to watch my works I upload there ( I work as a content manager, while he is a Sales Assistant)
    Everyhting is so fresh, like 1-2 weeks ago so he didn’t reached out yet ( probably fears because I remember that I told him years ago that I hope his New girlfriend won’t cheat on him)
    I know the info from other sources, but I can still see his page.
    I guess he wants to get over from this relationship firstly, and I suppose then he will contact me.

  3. Kirstyn Tessier

    September 18, 2021 at 6:32 pm

    During the no contact period do I change my relationship status????

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 23, 2021 at 4:26 pm

      No allow your ex to change their status first. Do nothing.

  4. Laura

    September 17, 2021 at 7:19 pm

    You have said that a Fearful attachment style is rare, only about 7% of people have that. Well, based on what you’ve described, that is exactly what I’m dealing with. My ex can come on so strong and intense. He actually pursued me. Then, he backs off completely. He also has said he doesn’t want a relationship (he’s 53 and I’m 37). However, he loves spending time with me and shows little ways he cares about me. But I finally went no contact because it’s just too hard for me. It was a 6 month relationship but very hot and cold. I want him back, but only if he somehow becomes ok with relationships and emotional vulnerability.

    I haven’t been able to find a lot of advice on how to handle avoidant attachment styles. Would you be able to write something about this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 23, 2021 at 5:40 pm

      Hey Laura, I think you will find this article useful…