This guide will teach you everything you need to know about if you should tell your ex that you still have feelings for them.
I’m also going to answer, how you should go about doing that and take on the all important question of when you should do it, if indeed you should do it at all.
How’s that for a tongue twister?
Let’s get started!
Yes Or No? Should You Tell Your Ex That You Have Feelings For Them?
It’s always funny to me when someone comes up and asks,
Hey, should I be telling my ex my feelings for them or not?
I find it comical because I don’t know how you could ever expect to get your ex back without telling them your feelings at some point.
In a way I blame myself for this type of confusion because many of the strategies we teach here at EBR are about hiding your feelings until the time is right.
Lately I’ve been going on and on about this process being bold down to, two simple concepts,
You’ll find that this article is encompassed by both of these things. After all, you don’t want to tell your ex your feelings until you are properly positioned and you don’t want to tell your ex your feelings too soon.
So, all of this is a very long way of saying,
Yes, you should tell your ex that you have feelings for them but only when the timing is right.
When Should You Tell Your Ex That You Have Feelings For Them?
The question of “when” is a lot more complicated to answer than “should.”
Make no mistake about it, there is a right way to do this and a wrong way to do this.
Luckily, I’ve compiled my 4 best tips to walk you through the right way to do this,
- Utilize Tide Theory
- Start Dropping Breadcrumbs About How You Feel Early
- Put Your Ex In A Romantic Environment
- Utilize The 30/70 Split
Let’s take a moment to have an in-depth discussion about each one of these tips.
Tip #1: Utilize Tide Theory
Tide theory is a concept I came up with for my book, The Texting Bible. Initially I wrote the book with the intention of it being a dictionary of text messages that you could use on your ex at any point of the process.
However, once I started actually writing it I realized that I’d also need to include text messaging strategies.
Tide theory was one of the concepts I came up with to describe the intensity and frequency in which you should text your ex.
Tide Theory: You very slowly increase the intensity and frequency of text messages to your ex as the process continues
The analogy I use all the time to describe it is its namesake.
When you go to the beach you aren’t aware of the tide rising. On the contrary, it’s such a subtle and natural process that it’s almost as if it never happened.
One of the biggest mistakes I see my clients making time and time again is going too fast too soon.
They think that all they have to do is a basic no contact rule and their ex is going to welcome them back with open arms.
They don’t do any of the foundational work that is required to put their ex in a frame of mind where they will be receptive towards a reconnection.
So, the big thing I want you to keep in mind before we move in is that tide theory is all about a natural progression of attraction.
It’s slowly upping the volume on a TV.
So natural and subtle you can’t even notice it’s happening but that natural progression is happening.
Tip #2: Start Dropping Breadcrumbs About How You Feel
Tip #1 is a strategy.
Tip #2 is a tactic you use within the confines of the strategy.
As you are slowly upping the frequency and intensity of the text messages I want you to drop subtle hints about how you feel.
Now, the keyword there I want you to take note of is that this needs to be subtle.
This is not you going to your ex and declaring your undying love for them.
Rather, this is a small breadcrumb.
A precursor of things to come.
Lets take one of the most common feelings that couples like to share with each other,
“I miss you.”
It would be so easy for you to just text,
But often that’s too much too soon.
Instead, I would find a way to water the thought down. Take a moment to consider what it is that you really miss about your ex.
Was it the way he would describe things?
Was it the inside jokes that only the two of you were privy to?
How about any of his family members that you grew close to?
Lets use the inside joke thing as an example and operate under the assumption that the two of you are having a pretty decent texting conversation.
The right way to drop a breadcrumb through a text message is to say something like this,
Now, you are saying this after one of your inside jokes gets told.
Do you see how I watered down the real feeling of you missing your ex?
This is an important concept that you’ll need to grasp for a later tip but for now lets move on to the next big thing I want you to grasp.
Tip #3: Put Your Ex In A Romantic Environment When You See Each Other In Person
A few weeks ago I filmed this video,
My intention was to teach you the science of what it takes to make someone fall in love with you.
This is important to grasp for a number of different reasons which I won’t really get into here.
What I will get into is one of the tips I talked about in the video, environment.
Consider for a moment two couples.
Let’s just call them couple A and couple B.
The women in each couple wants their man to declare their love for them.
The woman in couple A doesn’t take their partner to a romantic environment.
It doesn’t happen.
And then you have the woman in couple B. She takes the opposite approach and puts her partner in a very romantic environment.
The results clearly work as her partner tells her that he loves her.
Why does environment cause people to be more romantic?
Well, there are certain romantic expectations attached to romantic environments. You can use this to your advantage so that your ex is receptive towards whatever you say to them.
Tip #4: Utilize The 30/70 Split
Have you ever seen the movie Hitch?
If you haven’t then you are in for a treat. Hitch is a comedy about a dating coach teaching a guy who is helpless to get women.
Probably the most famous scene in the movie is this one,
Hitch is telling Albert that if he wants to kiss the woman of his dreams he needs to go 90% of the way and let her come the extra 10%.
Hitch may have been on to something here but I think he got the percentages mixed up.
In my opinion, if you want to share your feelings with your ex you need to share about 30% of your true feelings with your ex.
Let them fill in the extra 70%.
Most of the time, especially when you are dealing with men, all it takes is some reciprocation on your part before they feel comfortable letting the floodgates open with how they feel.
So, how do you do that?
Well, I already kind of snuck this strategy into this article without you even realizing.
You remember tip #2, right?
In it I advised you to “water your feelings down.”
“I miss you”
“I miss this”
That’s essentially what the 30/70 split is. It operates under the assumption that all people need is some indication that you aren’t going to laugh in their face that they have feelings for you before they’ll be willing to open up.
Now, I do want to see that positioning is everything when it comes to this.
If you try the 30/70 split strategy too soon it’s not going to work. Instead, you’ll find it will work best when you have a solid foundation built.
A foundation I talk all about in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
Let’s recap everything I talked about in this article,
- Yes, you should share your feelings with your ex but only when the time is right
- You should make sure that you adopt a mindset of “tide theory” before you begin this campaign
- It’s also advisable to water down your feelings and sprinkle breadcrumbs of them as you continue throughout this process
- Don’t expect your ex to open up or be receptive towards your feelings if you don’t place them in a romantic environment
- Finally, you want to try to achieve a 30/70 split. Go 30% of the way with your feelings to show your ex a sign of good faith and hopefully get them to complete the rest of the 70%.
As always, I do my best to try to answer as many comments as possible on my articles. So, if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask them.