What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Should I Tell My Ex Boyfriend I Still Have Feelings For Him?

In most parts of the world little girls and little boys are raised very differently from one another. Little girls are taught to embrace their feelings and to express them as often as they can. They write love letters to kindergarten crushes and sneak hugs at recess.

Little boys, on the other hand, are taught to be stoic. They are told,

“Big boys don’t cry.”

And they are taught to keep those feelings inside. When they develop a puppy-love crush they don’t tell the little girl about it. Instead they call her a mean name and push her down the slide to avoid being teased by the other kids.

Unfortunately, this difference in the genders often carries over to adult life. Women find themselves expressing their deepest feelings to a man they love only to be met with neutrality or even retreat. This doesn’t mean that men are not capable of loving. Of course they can love and they DO love. However, when love is pressed upon them it can seem scary and their first reaction is to run.

This is doubly true for an ex.

It may be tempting to let them know exactly how you are feeling and what you are thinking. This will likely drive them further away from you, especially if you have only recently reconnected after No Contact.

Let’s review the EBR process a little.

Step One: No Contact for either 21, 30, or 45 days.
Step Two: Texting
Step Three: Phone Calls
Step Four: In person meet-ups

(Update: Chris has also written a huge article about this over at Ex Girlfriend Recovery in case you were wanting to hear the guys side of things.)

Now, you should not be considering telling your ex how you feel about them at all if you are still working the Program to get him back. Obviously, in step one, No Contact, you should not be considering saying anything at all since you would be breaking No Contact to do so.

Take the time during step one to process your feelings and work on self-improvements.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

During step two you are re-establishing a lost connection. This step should be looked at as a new beginning. Treat it as though this is a new friend and you are just beginning to text them for the very first time… ever.

In steps three and four feelings and emotions may come up and this is okay. Just don’t go overboard.

Following the EBR guidelines you will know how to direct the conversation in ways that will lead your ex to realize that he still has feelings for you and will open him up to a willingness to discuss those feelings. Men like to feel as though they have power. They want to be the ones to “decide” that a relationship is worth another chance. If it is their idea they will be much more open to it. For this reason, patience is key.

Sadly, women are not patient creatures, so I’m sure you are wondering how to deal with missing your ex and wanting him back.

To start, try to look at the big picture. Remember that while you may be suffering and struggling now, it will pay off in the long run. Not being able to share your feelings for a couple of months will seem like nothing if you are successful and can then share your feelings for the rest of your life.

Keep yourself busy and continue to do what you can to attract him. Initially you will be in the No Contact period and will be working hard on improving your health, wealth, and relationships. (The Holy Trinity if you’re doing Ex Recovery Pro)

Allow your posts on social media to reflect your exciting life full of imporvements where he will have the chance to see them and think,

“Dang! Maybe I shouldn’t have let her go.”

Once you move into the texting phase you’ll be focused on make him want to text you. Be fun and engaging, leave conversations on a high note, and post things on social media that will get him to initiate and ask you questions. Don’t be overly clingy and make sure that you maintain your independence and don’t begin to obsess over the cat and mouse game that the two of you are playing. If you find yourself wondering “what is he doing? what is he thinking?” put down your phone and go for a run or meet up with friends. Do whatever you need to do to refocus yourself on what is most important… your own well being.

Some days will, of course, be better than others and at times you are going to find it difficult to focus on other things.

You will find yourself saying,

“I miss my ex boyfriend and I want him back.”

Find a healthy outlet for your emotions. A close group of friends that you can vent to is always a good option

However, if you find that your friends are less than supportive and don’t agree with your desire to get back together with your ex, then simply don’t turn to them. Instead, try writing down how you are feeling. Keep a dedicated notebook or journal for your emotions. Stick to doing things that you were doing prior to the emotions coming on and later in the day go back and write down what helped you to get past the negative feelings. After awhile you will be able to avoid activities that trigger negative feelings without having to think about it. This will allow you to have a healthy collection of habits to help you deal with those situations when they arise.

This waiting game is especially important to master, especially in certain situations.

For example:

  • If it has been a long time and you still have feelings for him
  • If you are currently in a different relationship
  • If he is currently in a different relationship

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

It Has Been A Long Time And You Still Have Feelings For Him

Sometimes, you’ll find that  you still love your ex boyfriend after a year, two years, five years, or even ten years. There is still that hope of reconciliation floating around in your head.

In fact, in some situations, time is all that is needed to repair the damage of a breakup. People mature or the reasons for splitting up is completely forgotten.

However, showing up in this past lover’s life after years of silence is going to be alarming enough on it’s on. Showing up and baring your soul will almost certainly drive them away.

It is also important to take into consideration that after an extended period of time you both have likely changed and are not the same people you were when you were together.

You are going to need to rediscover yourself and how you feel towards your ex.

You will have to get to know the new person that your ex has become.

In situations like this, you may believe that you still love your ex only to find that you don’t even like the person that they have become.

Similarly, you may find that you are the one who has changed and that you simply are not a good match for your Ex anymore.

Either way, taking time to get to know one another again before going into the details of how you feel is going to put you both in a better place for success.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

If You Are Seeing Someone New

Sometimes, you might find yourself wondering why you still have feelings for your ex if you are already in a new relationship.

First, take a deep breath.

Now, look at what is happening within your current relationship. Was it a rebound from your ex?

If so, then you may find that you jumped into this new relationship too quickly.

Were you only dating somebody else because your ex seemed to be moving on and you wanted to do the same? If so you may have been trying to force yourself to feel something for this new person, even though deep down you knew the emotions were not real.

If either of these situations feels like they may be what you are going through, then it you may do best to break it off with your new partner. Staying in the relationship would not be fair to them as it would be giving them false hope for a future. It also would not be fair to you as you would not be meeting your emotional needs.

However, if most of the time you are happy with this new partner and only find yourself missing your ex because of a recent fight that you and the new guy had, then it would be best to simply take some time and make sure. Don’t make any decisions when you are feeling heightened emotions. It’s easy to think,

“Wow! Joe and I never fought over what to do on the weekends. Maybe I should just go back to him.”

However, in the heat of an argument we often say and think things that we do not mean and we definitely don’t think or remember things clearly. Give yourself time to cool down and then revisit the thought.

Once you’re calm ask yourself if you really meant it. Would you really be happy if the new guy was out of the picture? If the answer is yes, then have a discussion with your partner about ending the relationship. If the answer is no, then sit down with your new partner and have a healthy discussion about how better to handle these disagreements in the future.

It is important to recognize that grass is greener syndrome can rear it’s ugly head and make you think that getting back together with your ex will be trouble free, even though that is rarely ever the case.
The bottom line here is that if you truly have feelings for another person then you should not stay in your current relationship, it’s not fair to anyone involved. Just make sure you aren’t dealing with feelings that are a reaction to a temporary situation like a disagreement.

After your current relationship ends then you may proceed with the EBR process. If the emotions are reactive to a situation then take the time to consider why you feel that way and how best to proceed. If this is the situation, then it would certainly be best not to mention how you feel to your ex OR your current partner as it could create even more difficult situations that could have been avoided.

Now, What If He’s In A New Relationship?

Well, he has a new girlfriend, but you still have feelings for him.

The first thing to do is to step back and look at the situation.

Have you noticed that the first step is always to get a CLEAR PICTURE of the situation at hand?

You never want to take rash action. That is how you get in a bad situation to begin with.

Reacting with a level head is always the better option.

Do you only have feelings for him now because he’s in a new relationship?

There is something about someone who is off limits that just makes them that much more appealing. If you previously didn’t feel anything for your ex and only want them back now that you know they are with someone, you would do best to avoid him and move on. Another thing to consider is that person’s happiness. Is your ex truly happy? Do they seem happier than they were when they were with you?

As hard as it is to accept, sometimes we are just unable to meet another person’s needs. You wouldn’t want to be with someone knowing that they were not happy in the relationship. If your Ex truly seems happier then take yourself away from the situation and have faith that if the two of you are meant to be then the currently relationship will not last. Not sharing how you feel will be difficult but in the end, it will be better for both him…. and you.

However, if you still find yourself believing that you and your ex belong together, then remember to be tactical and smart about it.

If you approach the situation by trying to pull them apart then you will seem like a villain and an obstacle that will only push them closer together. Instead you should utilize what is known as the “Being There” method. The “Being There” method is exactly what it sounds like. You simply befriend your ex and become a positive light in his life. When he and his ex go through a rough patch, which they certainly will, you just listen to him, let him vent. Never make suggestions that they break up. But don’t give him advice that will keep them together either.

After a time he will either realize that he misses you and needs you in his life, or the ex will become paranoid and jealous that you are still in the picture and it will drive them apart without you having to lift a finger.

Once his relationship has ended continue to “Be There.” Don’t pressure him into anything until he has had time to heal. As in the other situations, timing and patience is most important when revealing that you still have feelings for your Ex.

If you are still curious about more tactics to get him back if he is seeing someone new, you can watch this video

A Quick Recap

So, I think we’ve covered a lot for today, but let’s talk about what we talked about for a second.

Yeah. You read that right.

So, coming into an article titled “Should I Tell My Ex That I Have Feelings For Him?” you are probably still having feelings for your ex. And you are probably thinking that reaching out and telling him that you still love him might change his mind. Well, long story short, the answer is a resounding, “No!”

Follow the advice laid out in this article and in the Ex Recovery Program and get your ex back rather than push him away.

Let’s do something. Tell me below in the comments about your breakup.

I want to know

  • The details of your breakup


  • What you’ve done since the breakup

We are going to talk about it and ultimately we will decide together what direction you should take moving forward.


Written by EBR Teamate


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64 thoughts on “Should I Tell My Ex Boyfriend I Still Have Feelings For Him?”

  1. Claire

    January 23, 2018 at 3:34 am

    My husband and I have been separated for going on 3 years. We went to a therapist after about 1.5 years of being apart and were starting to date again. I was also seeing someone else and that became more serious and we moved in together. I couldn’t stop thinking about my ex, my new relationship ended. I told my ex that I love him and I miss him. He’s seeing someone else, he tells me he’s not in love with this person. He hasn’t filed for divorce and he still has my wedding dress. We’ve been texting but I sort of dumped onto him that I love him. I’m not sure what to do now

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2018 at 12:11 pm

      Hi Claire,
      What did he say when you told him you love him?

  2. Moni

    December 30, 2017 at 7:27 pm

    My ex dumped me after I confronted him about messages to another woman. Literally made it all about me wanting out, told me he was done and with no discussions or talks or anything about the initial topic, packed up and left 2 days before Christmas. Up to that point I would have considered our relationship amazing. I have made no contact with him since he left which is just over a week. Obviously I am heartbroken, this is man I had a crush on for 20 years and we were engaged to be married. Now he is telling mutual friends i ended the relationship and he is “dead inside”. Do I make contact? What does this all mean?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 10:44 pm

      Hi Moni,

      If he was talking to another woman, looks like he just used your reaction as a reason to break up.. Yes, continue nc.. be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media..

  3. Sarah Van Belle

    December 30, 2017 at 8:31 am

    My ex and I broke up 2 months ago after a relationship of about a year. The first week after the break up we would still talk occasionally and we met up one time. After that I started the no contact and focused on myself. He send me a picture of us after a week, but I didn’t reply.

    Then, about three weeks ago, he started responding on my social media again. I did reply but just neutral and short answers and cut off the conversation rapidly. This happened a few times until he asked me if we would ever have a normal conversation again because he misses me. We started to talk a bit more, always on his initiative. And last week it kind of escalated into me telling him that if he still has feelings and thinks that breaking up was a big mistake, he should do something about it, but I can’t/won’t change the situation for him. Following that he asked me on a date.

    The date was last week and everything went great. We had a lovely conversation. And when he followed me to my bike to say goodbye, he tried to kiss me. Which, at first I rejected because I didn’t see that coming, but when he said it was fine and we could meet up again first, I decided to go for it and give him a kiss. The date ended with him saying that we should meet up again really fast.

    I didn’t text him the following day and neither did he text me. But the day after that (yesterday) he did send me a random text saying he was gone playing snooker.

    I think what I really want to know is: am I on the right track here? Is there something specific I could do that I am missing? And should I start texting him first, and how often?

    For the record: the reason we broke up was because he believed he wasn’t good enough for me. He thought I let him walk over me with his behaviour because I never got mad and we never had a fight, which he had regularly in past relationships. The only “bad thing” he did was saying we couldn’t meet up because he still had to do a lot of work. Which I understand because I also prioritise work above everything else.

    Thank you for your time!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 10:21 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      you’re on the track on taking it slow but you can initiate texting.. check this one:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  4. Angelah

    December 29, 2017 at 12:26 am

    We were together for six months and I broke up with him when he told he that he didn’t see us getting married. I never told him that I thought he was the one.
    I feel like there were so many misunderstandings that maybe he based his decision on assumptions. I know now that there was a huge lack of communication.
    I want to give it another try. So I tried the NC for one month and texted him today. The conversation went well but I haven’t heard from him in a few hours.
    I’m trying to keep myself distracted but what should I do? Should I wait for him to text me or try again another day?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 8:30 pm

      Hi Angelah,

      how active are you in improving yourself and in posting? Check this one:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  5. Qismat

    December 24, 2017 at 3:00 am

    We already broke up 3 times in 9 months …after following all process of no contact i started texting him…he wants me to propose him…but i am unable to do that because i heared that he is finding girl for himself to get married …which was true…but i kept texting him for 3months. He has busy schedule because of that i can’t call him…he only texted me 3-4times a day…Being hurt each day… And finally when he got the girl he ended conversation with me…and i just happily accepted it…then he blackmail me that he will ruin my image in society …i didn’t respond to that..then he started posting i miss u…i didn’t respond to that…he broken me in such a way that now its been 3months over for our break up but i can’t accept any guy who proposes me because everyone seems to be cheat and boring…all i have is his memories…coming in my mind distracting my focus from my work…

  6. Hanna

    December 24, 2017 at 12:23 am

    Hey Amor,

    wow thanks for the reply. Unfortunately I read it a bit late and things developed again. I found out he flirted with girls during our relationship and felt betrayed. So i blew things up and made him running fast. After that I made all possible mistakes written in the book and on the page here. I told him I need space and then contacted him AGAIN, discussed the relationship until he said he doesn’t see a future with me and I am not the one for him and he really thinks we are better off alone and maybe just be friends. (Before that we actually deescalated and talked very nicely about films, even laughed, but then started the relationship topic again)
    I am in No Contact since then.
    I didn’t write a slate text yet, everyone kept telling me to just let him be. For two days I am crying my eyes out because it feels now I gave away all chances because I made so many mistakes until then. I was thinking to text him, that I understand and I accept the mistakes I made. But I didn’t do.

    So Shall I continue no Contact without texting? Or still send him a slate text, as you suggested?(And does it make sense at all, I mean I feel like he is gone for good…). I am suer confused since I made so many mistakes.. (and one text on the page says…write an apology, others say stay radio silent… so I am stuck in the middle)

    I really adore your work guys! Thanks for the patience.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 26, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      If you already sent a clean slate text and then you gnatted, you can’t send it again..just restart nc and stick to it.. The more you restart it, the less it can help you

  7. Emily

    December 17, 2017 at 5:06 pm

    My bf of two years broke up with me about going a month ago. I am trying the nc for going to a month but I am not sure if it is going to work as he have not talked to me since I started.

    Before the breakup, I did all the things that I should not have reason, beg, cry. He told me we have been constantly quarrelling over the same issue for almost a year and have not come to a compromise conclusion and he is kind of exhausted. He says he still love me but because of it he feels different and thinks we should not be together because we have very different point of view and personality.

    He says he wants some time to think about it and we might get back in the future when we change in like years down the road. He didn’t give me a definite answer of whether we are going to get back together, he just say we should do our own stuff for now and maybe go on dates and he say I might think he is actually not the one.

    Do you think I can still make this relationship work out after all this

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 6:59 pm

      Hi Emily,

      Try the no contact rule first, if it doesn’t work, then move on..

  8. Hanna

    December 17, 2017 at 12:13 am

    Hey Amor

    Thanks again for the reply. Well mostly he needs space she he feels I get needy. He feels obligated or responsible for me and he doesn’t want to have someone in his life until it’s stable. He hates heavy topics and things that bother him emotionally. I also need to say he is Muslim I am Christian and his fears and the pressure and differences are high.
    Today things escalated. Yesterday I was special needy and today he started a fight over religion or his point of view telling me he think we are not compatible and it can’t go on like that. And he doesn’t want to bother about other problems he has fears and he doesn’t want me. He feels relieved to say that.
    I was super confused because why all of a sudden….
    In the end he asked me some days off so that he can calm. Ideas nagging afterwards tbh but want to take distance now. He said he wants to give me a fair chance to talk later. He knows my feelings now and that upsets me because I am back at 0 it seems even though we developed very well. I can’t believe. Propably that problem now is wrong here under that article but we already talked here.. anyway what shall I do now? Can I change a guys mind about compatibility or stuff?
    He said he wants to fall out of love because it would be easier for us both. So what now?
    (I mean we both were so lovely before… He called me sweetheart..he said he misses me and even that he loves me and now in the fight he said nah he did that only to stop me nagging…)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 6:43 pm

      You can’t control other people, therefore you can’t change their minds, you might influence them but the irony with that is the most influential people, are the ones who are more sure about themselves and will move on from a person who they’re not connecting with.. you need to send a clean slate text.. tell him you understand his decision, thank him for everything but the current situation of waiting for him is not workable for you, now, restart your nc and do at least 45 days.

  9. Christina

    December 16, 2017 at 12:49 pm

    My ex and I have a child together. I took steps back from him because he became depressed and started to act out with alcohol. When he pulled away further he revealed that he had been cheating on me. I took more steps back (decided to move into my own apartment with my son and told him I would be focusing on me). Now he is “angry” at me for pulling away because he says he was ready to “change” for me and I pushed him away. He has not fully changed as he still sees the other woman and is still drinking. He is doing these things less, and has started seeking help in a men’s bible study group, and he became more loving and kind towards me for a brief period of time, but there is no real change yet. Anyways, I am attempting minimal contact with him as we have a son together, but he is bouncing back and forth between avoiding me (and our son) entirely (for a week at a time) or sending me long messages about how hurt he is and how angry he is at me for pushing him away, and how I never loved him etc. etc. I wonder if no contact/response to his accusations of not loving him are hurting my chances of us reconciling as he is using this as proof of my not caring about him and being “selfish and moving on”. Is anger and feeling unloved an important part of this process? Should I continue to ignore his hurt messages?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 5:13 pm

      Hi Christina,

      his anger is his form of trying to get control.. what did you say when he said that? Because if you would have said, “Change first, prove it first.” It would have been different because that shows you’re really tired of him and you’re implementing your standards.

  10. Simmi

    December 15, 2017 at 7:41 pm

    We broke up 2 yrs ago. N two weeks back i texted him to have a simple hi hello.
    When i asked him if he got a dog coz he loved them. He mentioned a thing that “after u left me i realised that not all dogs are loyal”
    I felt this sentence had a deep meaning.
    Thn later we both apologised for the things we did wrong that time.

    Thn the next time i texted him a “hi”. He did not reply.

  11. Lee

    December 14, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    Thanks u, Amor
    I think i should move on, because I tried all the way as I can and I think if he is really love me then he will not let me miserable like that…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 4:35 pm

      Ok, we hope the best for you. You’re welcome!

  12. Simmi

    December 13, 2017 at 5:40 pm

    Our break up happened a year ago. Since then i contacted him just two weeks back and had a simple how r u n hows life kind of chatting. What next ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 1:18 pm

      You’re still talking to him now?

  13. Hannah-Jayne Miller

    December 13, 2017 at 2:27 pm

    I have written here a few times over the last 3 months. I am so confused with my ex. We broke off after 9 months because his family didn’t like us being together due to cultural differences. For a while after the break up we stayed in contact he even took me to France for a week. Then I found out he was dating and then he apologized for dating as he said it was too quick (6 weeks after the break up) then he told me he needed space. So for over a month we didn’t speak but came his birthday and I said “happy birthday” we had a brief chat also found out he was dating again. I(thought this would be okay as had done NC for over 30 days) . Anyway conversation ended and that was on November the 16th, didn’t hear from him up until last Wednesday and he messaged to make sure all was okay with me because he has also been reading all my stories updates on what’s app and Instagram still. Again was brief, then he messaged me again on the Friday asking again if all was okay. Then Saturday came and he sent me a video of loads of presents he was sending the local hospital which he does every year and in the message he said “thought you would like to see all the presents I bought considering this time last year was when we started properly talking and this is what we spoke about ” I replied and nothing back. Then yesterday he messaged me again making sure I was definitely okay as I’ve had lots going on lately. Again, only a brief chat. He also mentioned that he will continue to follow my stories on social media because he wants to check up on me. I honestly don’t know what to take from all this. We have now been split up nearly 13 weeks now. Am I just to assume that this is definitely over or is there still hope? He is very stubborn and the fact his family won’t agree to us just makes me think I have no chance. Plus I have done the NC and that has done nothing either really. He is a very hard man to figure out. Please help. Thanks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 12:10 pm

      Hi Hannah,

      The proper way of doing nc is accepting he has moved on, not talking to him for a period of time while you’re actively improving yourself and doing posts that doesn’t disappear after 24 hours, and then initiating contact after nc to slowly build rapport while you continue what you were doing during nc.. Check this:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  14. Lauren

    December 13, 2017 at 5:09 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me 1 month ago, he told me he wasnt feeling responsable for anything and that he didn’t wanted to hurt me because of this, we have been dating for 1 year and 2 months, but i spent 6 months long distance, we were still together and everything was fine except for little fights over bad communication, before coming back i asked him for a time apart because i was really mad that he wasnt paying attention to our relationship ( communicating ) he apologized and said it was fine, when i came back we where together and everything was perfect our love was the same but the problem was that he is a comfort guy and since he got used to not making time to see me like before i felt it and talked about it with him but he said he loved me this happened like 3 times, we live 1 hour away from each other so i feel like we never got our chance do readjust to the relationship after i came back (with this i mean seeing each other; making time for each other) and then when we broke up he said he loved me and that when he was okay again he will reach me because he didnt know what was happening to him, i told him i understood and said goodbye and that i wasnt going to wait for him, that he could try reach me up and if we still loved each other good. So i didnt contact him until 2 weeks later he messaged me i miss you we texted and then 2 days later bump into each other he said he was very happy to see me and said he didnt wanted me to hate him i just said i didnt and that i wasnt going to talk to him, he apologized and we texted other 2 days but now nothing he just snapchats sometimes. I got confused after his texts and seeing him i just know we love each other but dont know what to do. I keep wanting to just say it like it is and talk to him, leaving out standards aside, we are not like these.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2017 at 7:01 pm

      Hi Lauren,

      Restart nc and do at least 30 days.. be active in improving yourself and in posting.

  15. Lee

    December 12, 2017 at 11:15 am

    Yes, I did n i’ve been silent for a month, and then I started texting but still did not get the answer, and then I was silent and texted again after a month, repeating like that been three times already, until now, And I just texted him on Sunday. Is there still have any chance for me? What should I do, Amor?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2017 at 11:34 am

      Nc rule means being silent for a period of time because you’ll be focused in improving yourself and in posting in social media… It’s not just about being silent.. And then you will continue that routine while you slowly build rapport… The more you restart nc, the less it can help.. If you didn’t get a reply the first time, just try again after a week… If you still didn’t get reply, try again for the last time after two weeks

  16. LC

    December 12, 2017 at 7:55 am

    Hey Amor! It’s LC. I’ve left comments on the past. So my Mexico trip with my ex has been planned since this past June. Obviously, this was at the time where my ex and I were together, and he felt it was the perfect time for me to meet his parents. So it’s been six months since we purchased our airfare. When he broke up with me he asked and begged for me to still consider going despite him breaking up with me and telling me why (he felt I have too much of a negative personality but never spoke to me about it). I was incredibly confused thinking, “why do you want me to go on this trip if you literally just broke up with me?” His reasoning was, “I think you deserve this trip to be away from home and have fun. I know you’ll love it, and you’re with people you trust and will take care of you.” Still confused about that whole thing. Anyways, while I was away in Seattle, his sister contacted me and she asked me if I was still coming and would join them in celebrating her daughter’s baptism (which was why the Mexico trip was planned). She also specified that her parents would like for me to come too and am welcome into their home. I asked her, “don’t you think it’s a little strange if I went given the situation with your brother and I?” She said no because we are all mature adults. My ex and I haven’t really talked about the trip. As of today, it’s a month away. At the time of the break up, he asked me to go still. Now I don’t know if he still wants me to go, but his family is asking me to still join them in the celebration. I try not too think too much about it because it just makes me anxious, but at this moment, I really want to go because the family is asking me to come for this child but my ex and I haven’t really spoken. I’ve started 2 conversations with him. It’s been positive but short, but I guess I’m nervous or don’t know what to do next. What do you think I should do? I want to get back together with him, but I just don’t know how to approach the whole scenario.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2017 at 9:15 am

      Talk to hin about it when it’s near.. If it’s ok with him, then yes, its ok to go

  17. Nikki

    December 10, 2017 at 5:48 am

    Hi, I need advice on what to do..
    So my ex boyfriend and I were together for 2 years, we lived together and recently (about two months ago) broke up and I moved out about two weeks after we broke up. We have had a lot of fighting for a few months before we actually officially broke things off. I have been ignoring his texts after I moved out, for the most part.. . When we had broken up, he started making himself believe that I had been cheating on him (which I hadn’t and never would) and started acting like I was the most horrible person to be associated with. He continued to act awful to me, telling me I needed to move and avoiding me completely.. Until I finally convinced him, while we were still living together, that I did not cheat on him, he started acting somewhat okay with me..
    A week ago he contacted me and said “we have stuff to catch up on some stuff” we agreed to see each other, and when we did he initiated having sex eventually, after being sweet to me and telling me that it’s hard for him being friends and whatever.. I didn’t oppose. We ended up seeing eachother 3 more times after. The second time he also initiated sex, telling me how beautiful I am and what not. The last two times he acted the complete opposite way he was the first two times. He barely even looked at me the way he was before, let alone touch me. I started feeling like he was using me for his own greedy needs. Plus he wanted me to baby sit his dog while he went and visited family across the country for 3 days, which he asked me to do the first time we saw eachother after the break up. So I thought maybe that was the reason he was acting sweet; to butter me up just so I would be open to watching his dog.
    So here I am now, a month almost later, with his dog while he is out of state with family.
    I have been thinking a lot about telling him this can’t keep going on, his wishy washy behavior towards me. One day he wants me and the next he doesn’t. I was going to tell him I want to be with him and I cannot put myself in the friendzone with him permanently, it’s too hard on me acting like I don’t have feelings for him, when I have so many. Basically, its either work things out between us or not be in my life at all from now on.
    I am supposed to bring his dog back to him when he gets back into town in 2 days, and I was thinking about talking to him then and telling him how I felt.
    Like I said, I want to be with him and make things work between us. And right now I have been so afraid to act like I like him and want him because the way he has been acting with me.
    I have just been really confused lately and not knowing how to deal with this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 4:13 am

      Hi Nikki,

      talk first.. if it doesn’t sort out, start the no contact rule period.

  18. Lee

    December 10, 2017 at 3:03 am

    Thanks for your reply, Amor.
    Actually, the problem happened in April, then both of us tried to hold this relationship, but mostly from me, and just really did not talk from August, but usually about a month I sent another message/email by emotionally that I misses him even on my birthday but he never responded. We have been together for 1.5 years.
    What should I do now, Amor? 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 2:18 am

      So, when did you last try to contact him? That means, you have to take it like he has moved on.. have you tried the no contact rule?

  19. Lynn

    December 9, 2017 at 5:30 pm

    You are right Amor, thank you. I’m not doing anything, not texting and I keep posting in social media and trying to master the UG. I must confess that I have temptations of texting him and tell him that I’m sorry for wanting to meet (even he he told me that he wanted and asked why I didn’t tell him before, whatever, he wasn’t annoyed for me wanting to meet). I’m not doing it, obviously, but I feel awful because we don’t talk anymore and I was building rapport until last week… I hate this situation and I need him to talk to me again but… I know that I shouldn’t chase him, so I’m not doing it. I’m just afraid that he won’t text me anymore, after these months getting closer…

  20. Hanna

    December 6, 2017 at 10:51 pm

    Hey Amor,

    thanks for the reply. I have done after breakup 5 days NC until we broke that (and the amazing talk started afterwards)
    We have some “days off” in between. Like today, he asked for one day off.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 10, 2017 at 5:19 pm

      Talk to him on what the real score is. If you want him to commit, then you have to be true to your standards. If he doesn’t want to commit, thank him for everything but tell him that’s not workable for you anymore. Don’t tell him you’re doing nc, just do nc for at least 30 days..and then take it slow in rebuilding rapport and attraction after.. If after a time, he’s still like that, move on….

  21. LC

    December 6, 2017 at 8:21 am

    Hey Amor!

    I’m sorry for the confusion. I “checked-in” on FB. I didn’t tag myself in photos on his account. My profile picture is an old, yet cute photo of my taken by my ex months back. I was just revamping my profile by using photos he took of me.

    Also, my ex responded to my text. It was a positive response. In response to my waterfall photo, he said, “Hello! That looks like a cool place! Glad you’re having a good time!” I told him, the following morning, “Good morning! I’m having a great time! Coming home today, but I still have a whole day ahead of me. Talk later?” I ended the conversation and went about my day. Later, he responded, “If you’re ready for us to be friends, then yeah. We can talk later.” Since then, I haven’t sent him any text. I don’t know what to say or do to be honest. I want to get him back, but right now, he’s seeing a platonic relationship. So I’m thinking that I be platonic too while showing him how fun I am and how much I have worked on me. Maybe going to Mexico with him would be my opportunity to show him how I’m the woman he fell in love with 3 years ago? I hope this comment helps give more perspective. What do you think I should do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 4:23 am

      Ah, yeah, it would have been better of it was your own new photos..How are you going to Mexico with him? Did he invite you?

  22. Hanna

    December 6, 2017 at 6:20 am

    Hey Amor

    Do you mean how many days or how many times?
    Days wasn’t too long. A week roughly.
    We make a lot of off days in between when he or me needs space.
    I wouldn’t know how to get back into no contact on a good way.

  23. Mel

    December 6, 2017 at 12:11 am

    My ex broke up with me over three month ago… we were together for over four years. I knew he was becoming distant in the last few month… and then he met a girl and they had chemistry. Sadly, I even saw the chemistry between them. So he ended it with me and two weeks later, started seeing her.
    It hurt and I cried and did the NC for about 21 days… and then we texted and started talking and casually going out for coffee and drinks. From the chatting, I found out that he was in an on again off again relationship with the new gf… and that he wasn’t really happy.
    He knows that I still have feelings for him. And he still cares about me deeply. The gf gets pretty jealous that we still text… and that’s great for me. But now… I don’t know what to do.
    He’s now back with her… and he’s pretty sure it won’t last again. How do I get him to call it quits with her and get him back… Please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 10, 2017 at 4:37 pm

      Hi Mel,

      When did you actually broke up and how did he know you still have feelings for him?

  24. Sammie

    December 5, 2017 at 8:57 pm

    He said nothing. I haven’t gotten a response from him. I’m literally in tears because there was nothing wrong in our relationship. LD is tough and I let it get to me. I feel like an idiot.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 8, 2017 at 5:44 pm

      if he’s still not saying anything up to now, restart nc.. do it right by doing at least 30 days, being active in improving yourself and in posting during and after nc, and take it slow in building rapport after nc.. take this as a restart… act as if reattracting him because he has already moved on.

  25. Lynn

    December 5, 2017 at 8:29 pm

    Thank you for your response Amor. I don’t know…I think he is just holding himself back and trying to hide feelings and…I need to try… Not so long ago he admitted that he had missed me and told me that I made him happy telling him how I feel about us… I know that if he hadn’t moved…and it’s not forever. I am afraid that he is denying this due to distance and this could be why he ghosts me when he starts to get too close. I know that we could have a chance but I don’t know how to break his wall.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 8, 2017 at 5:41 pm

      well, if he’s hiding it, the more you chase him, the more he will take you for granted because if he knows he’s losing and he loves you, if he’s the right guy, he will stop hiding but if he’s not, then you should really move on.. if the man can’t even fight for his own feelings, how would he do it for you?

  26. Lee

    December 5, 2017 at 8:41 am

    We just broke up bcoz I went to travel without telling him, n then he told me he can’t trust me anymore. My boyfriend and I have never had such an argument before, and this has happened more than a month before the wedding of us. I tried to hold him but in vain, he was still silent, what should I do? And if I travel this time, should I public the photos of my trip on social media?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 8:35 pm

      Hi Lee,

      when did you break up? How long was your relationship?

  27. Sammie

    December 5, 2017 at 7:52 am

    Wow I screwed up. I broke up with my LDR ex after 11 months together. We were LD for 6 months. He was being distant, non affectionate, and I heard a non confirmed rumor that he was talking to a girl he used to sleep with about visiting her. The BU was very one sided. (I had to do it in a voicemail because he wouldn’t pick up my calls about the rumor I heard) after the BU I texted an “I’m sorry” 2 nights later. No response. I did NC for 21 days. No response from my first contact message. I did NC for another week and I apologized for hurting him with the horrible things I said when I broke up with him. I ALSO asked if he’d consider giving me a second chance. OK NOW I see what I did wrong. I wanted to apologize to clear the air between us and start to repair the damage. I haven’t bothered him since. I understand that doing NC again will be less effective. 🙁 I guess this was my way of begging. I didn’t gnat at him. He is 30 and I am 23. My ex found me very mature for my age. He’s always talked about a forever with me and I feel like I either blind sided him with my BU or he was already backing out. He told me he missed me and he needed me like 2 weeks before I ended things. I’m relying on “no news is good news”. I really want my ex back, but being LDR it feels impossible.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 8:22 pm

      well, you didn’t gnat, bu asking for another chance is begging.. now, he knows you’re chasing him.. what did he say after you asked that?

  28. Huong

    December 5, 2017 at 1:52 am

    Hi sr about my English, Im from Viet Nam and my ex is American. He is the 1st westerner Ive dated and same with him. Weve been together 1year and just broke up 3 weeks ago. Before the broke up, everything was normal and sweet. He dumped me via text and want me to move out of his house in 2 days before his dad come to visit on Wednesday. I was shock and came to his house and talked. He said he loved me but his heart tell him that Im not the person he want to marry ( few months ago he told me he want a baby with me, and when he came back to USA visited family he told to our mutural friend that he want to marry me but he need to change me more). Im begging, crying and asked for another change. That time was really hard for me because I lost my job by accident and I told to my Ex ” Are you ok with this? I just need 1 month to relax and find another job, just want you support my mental and understand for me”, he said he ok withn that. So when we broke up I think he is upset because I lost the job and he need to pay for the meal everytime we hang out ( I pay him back by cooking for him and do sth nice, this is our culture). But he didnt say the reason he broke up with me. Im so down and heartbroken. I feel like Im gonna die and I need to go to the hospital the next day. I sent to him that Im in the hospital and I need him. But he just texted me and hope im doing ok. Then I went to another city to travel by myself, recover my mine. Then I sign-ups your email to read the article ” How to get my ex back”. I was doing the NC. Then my friend saw my bf on Tinder find another meaningful relationship. Its hurt me like hell and Im decide to follow tips in all the article I read. I sign-ups some dating site and find friend to talk, but I felt emty, I dont even wanna talk to another guys. One day my ex texted me ” Wow dating so fast” and I feel like he is angry. He texted me that he wanna cry because he open his laptop and my email still in the laptop. He saw I read your email and article about How to get ex back, I also read the book about love. He said he want to give us another chance. But then he saw me on all the dating site ( in my email). And he realized I just wanna find someone give me a better life and cover for me, not true love. He want a true love. He said I took advantage on him and he is not a sugardaddy. I was shocked and cried alot, I explained to him, but he didnt trust me. He said its over 100% and he dont want to meet me. Lastnight I saw 1 girl on the group ( in Vietnam we have a group that girl dating w foreigner) , she posted his information and asked people around. Now they are seeing through Tinder. I dont know what to do. Im not take advantage of him. Never asked him give me gift or expensive things. But we have cross cutural when we are dating. We like to hang out and try food. He make 5 times money than me so I coulnd pay and share all the time. But I always find the way to pay him back. Last month when I lost my job Im really stress, tried to explained to him but he is keeping his mind that he is a sugar daddy for me. I dont need money, I want my love, my soulmate. Now I got a new job with much more money, I can share and help him because I know he is working really hard and me too. We meet on the company trip so we have a really strong connection. But now he is dating online and find another girl. Tell me what I can do? I posted my positive pictures on Instagram and then he blocked me. I ased him why? He said he want zero contact so we can heal and move on. I still feel that he still love me ( he said that too). But he think Im not deserve with his love. Should I buy Ex recovery? Is it still help me in my situation or hopeless?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 8:08 pm

      Hi Huong,

      honestly, I think you should move on from him.

  29. Hanna

    December 4, 2017 at 11:43 pm


    Interesting read- maybe I can get help here.
    My LDR bf of 2 years broke up with me one month ago. We were in a kind of On Off relationship, because as soon as it gets troubled or serious for him, he backs off and questions the whole thing.
    He told me he rather wants to be alone, fix himself, find a work and not find someone else. we had a short NC and then i started to move on and get ungettable. Since then we had amazing talks easy going video calls, laughed a lot, teased each other and even planned a bit future.
    Now we slipped again into relationship without naming it.
    Somehow now things escalated again because he felt it got “too serious” and he fell back in old patterns of stonewalling (being extremely mean …I was a jackpot but I am not any more etc).

    We soooomehow deescalted, he asked for space, we call too often and I should not overthink and be insecure.
    I made a mistake now somehow I told him I love him, with all his moods (he suffers).
    He also said later he loves me, but was a bit aggressive afterwards, as if it pinched an open wound.

    I don’t want to be the waiting girl (he even said i should find someone else, so i don’t have to wait for him??). I want him to put more effort and get me, and not take me for granted, but now I feel i made a mistake and that makes me angry. what shall I do now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 7:49 pm

      Hi Hanna,

      how many nc have you done?

  30. Lynn

    December 4, 2017 at 9:11 pm


    Posted here before… I’m the one whose ex moved away (months after the break up) but recognized that we would have a chance if he hadn’t and told me that he can havethat talk when he come back (don’t know when, in months but…). We had a friends + flirting relationship via texts but everytime he starts to feel too comfortable he stops reading and responding for a few days. I didn’t show him that it hurts me, I always kept my conversations light and fun. Well, this past weekend I went to his new city to visit friends and I told him a few days before. The previous weeks I’ve been building more rapport and we were better than ever, he even said thatI had “disarmed” him. But the he stop reading so he missed the texts where I was telling him about my trip and he read them when I was already there. He said “damn, I hadn’t read this, of course that I want to meet but if I’ve known this two weeks ago I could have asked for free days at work”. I told him my plans there and when I could met but he worked that evening – night (yesterday, I just came home today). He seemed really sad and keep telling me that he didn’t know and asking me why I didn’t tell him before. I told him that if he has read it before we could have arranged another time and that I could wait for him and meet after work, since my hotel was close and he told me that he would tell me something that day (yesterday). He didn’t read my last texts and he didn’t tell me anything. I understand that he couldn’t met and as he said, he only knew I was going when I was already tehre BUT he could have read me before. I hate when he starts to get closer and then stops reading, he is limiting himself and I knew that he wouldn’t meet me because he has avoided it before, I feel that he is afraid that he may feel something and he doesn’t want (specially now with the distance). I am really hurt for him ignoring me yesterday but I feel that he is not over me and that’s why he acts weird, nice and flirty many times but when he starts to get closer he pulls away for a few days…I feel that he is restraining himself but this time it hurts more than ever, I really needed to see him, because I know that that would be the only way to get him back (and he avoiding it but not being distant, on the contrary). I feel he is trying to forget me but sometimes he almost fall. And I am afraid that one day he move on completely and meet another girl or just forget me.

    So…what can I do now? I’m not texting him of course, I don’t know if he’s going to apologize and in that case..what should I say? I use to act like if I don’t care but this time has been too much and he behaved badly. If he texts me I would answer but I don’t know why and after that (or if he don’t text) I don’t feel like initiating conversations anymore. I need him to chase me, more than ever, but I am afraid that NC will help him to forget me. But I can’t act normal because even as “friends”, he hurted me and I can’t say him “ok, fine, keep going like this”. I need to break his wall and it’s impossible, when something works and we give some steps he gets “afraid” and ghost me for days. don’t know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 7:39 pm

      Hi Lynn,

      It would be better if you move on..

  31. Ida

    December 3, 2017 at 9:00 pm

    Me and my ex broke up almost 6 months ago. We have been very confused about it both of us, since that. We thought it over during the summer but in August he said he doesn’t dare to try again, afraid of not being able to meet my standards. I refused to accept that and did som bad pledging and was needy. Anyhow, we ended up in a kind of exclusive friends-with-benefit situation for a couple of weeks in October. After that I realized how crazy this is and that I needed to reestablish balance. I entered No Contact October 22th. As soon as he realized that I backed off I started contacting me almost every day. He asked me if I was moving on, if I wanted to meet him and a thousand other things. I finished No Contact November 21th and since then we have texted and chatted on Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook. Today we met up for lunch. He obviously had reserved several hours to see me, at least 4-5 hours. I ended it though after 2 hours of lunch. We talked about work and we both were kind of neutral. We had a really good time, but my biggest fear is that he meets med just because he wants to talk about work and that I know much about that. I doubt it though, it would be too weird after all that we’ve been through. It seems none of us want to move on. It seems there is a big interest and curiosity from both parts but how do I know? What to do now, after a nice lunch for two hours? Shall I send him a thank you text or shall I let him contact me? Remember I have been the needy one for MONTHS and now, since I backed off and made distance, he has been the one contacting me regularly. This is a real mess, I don’t know what to do. But I guess he is not over me completely, that would be a weird way showing that. But how do I avoid getting in some friend zone and how do I take it to the next level?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 1:56 am

      Hi Ida,

      you should do the no contact rule.. check this one:
      EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

  32. Amy

    December 3, 2017 at 9:14 am

    My ex broke up with me a month ago. After no contact I was posting and improving myself. I started talking to him last night and it turned sexual. He told me he has feelings for someone else and I told him I still loved him and wanted to try again. He told me to delete his number and said goodbye. He also told me he didn’t love me anymore and that all he can think about is this new girl (she’s from his work but he said he didn’t like her while we were still together) Have I completely ruined my chances? I told him to think about us, I was respectful and didn’t beg. I know I need to go into NC again but I don’t know whether I should move on or if there’s still a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 1:10 am


      the more you do nc, the less it works.. so, make this your last nc, do 45 days and then take it slow in building rapport after nc and check this one:
      My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

  33. LC

    December 3, 2017 at 5:04 am

    Hey Shannon. So here’s what happened.

    My boyfriend of what would have been 3 years broke up with me out of the blue mid October. He said he was having doubts, but he never discussed them with me. He said that it was my negativity like escalating little situations, calling drivers stupid, etc. So I did no contact, and now it’s a little over 45 Days. I haven’t received any messages from him. So I texted him simple and positive, “Hey! I went hiking yesterday morning. I made it to the bottom, and this view reminded me of you. *insert waterfall and river photo*” I haven’t gotten a response yet. In the meantime, I have been trying to up my FB game by tagging myself everywhere. I updated my profile picture and cover photo. Also, I may be wrong here as the photos I have chosen are solely just me but they were taken by my ex. I’m still posting on Instagram. I took a personal weekend trip to Seattle to have fun and me time. I’ve began seeing a thearpist to help me work on being less negative and more positive. Since the break up, I have noticed that I am different. I have a change in attitude and growing more patient and not pushy. I started exercising, and I chose hiking because my ex loved hiking and I have no intention on running and prefer walking. In January, we have a scheduled trip, but I don’t know if it’s best to go. I want to add that while my ex was breaking up with me he told me that he still wanted me in his life, he still wanted to get to know me, and he asked and begged for me to still consider going on our trip together. I want to take the risk, but I am uncertain if that initial text I sent will do something. Like I don’t know if he will respond or if he’ll tell me to leave him alone. I’m confused with what’s going on with him asking me all this stuff yet breaking up with me. What do you think?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 1:45 am

      HI LC,

      did you mean you tagged yourself in your photos in his account?

  34. Yaqui

    December 3, 2017 at 3:03 am

    My bf and I haven’t been hanging out lately and I decided to approach him about it and told him that if he didn’t like me to just break with me, he responded “I don’t want to break up I really like you” but then he said “to not ruin anything let’s just stay friends” and I have been vey down because I really loved him. I saw a post on his snapchat story that said “it sucks when something you love so much ends up fading away and you just have to let go to end the pain of knowing it doesn’t love you back”. What should I do? I want him back but does he want me back? What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 1:37 am