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231 thoughts on “Keeping Him Once You Get Him Back”

  1. april

    June 10, 2017 at 8:53 pm

    I am in love. We recently got back together… kind of. He says we’re exclusive. We have a history of being terrible to each other but we have a lot of passion between us and it has gotten the better of us in the past. So we are trying both of us.. to be more calm and normal. I’m trying to not be so overanxious and needy and he is trying to be more open and communication is better. I still have an issue though. And I don’t know how to address it. Its making me feel bad. So he has a daughter who doesn’t want him to date. He mentioned to her about having a gf and she said no. flat out no. and that was that. So he’s camping with friends (mutual friends at that!) but he says I can’t come because he doesn’t want these people to mention me when the kid is there with him. he is spending a lot of time there and I feel like a secret. Its pissing me off. Im sad. and weekends are lonely. I feel like he planned this whole fun summer 100% without me. god even as I write it it seems clear I’m not important. Anyway. I’d like to make this work. I don’t know what to do. We’re already on eggshells with each other and trying to accept each other… but this might me too much. Your advice has brought us to a wonderful place between us…but i feel like Im a separate compartment from his “real” life. Now knowing him and how weird he is this might be a good sign that he feels more not less and he knows once I’m in he’s all in. He says he doesn’t want to be with anyone else but my anxiety is killing me. How long should I allow this to go on? I’m basically abandoned for the whole summer.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 9:23 am

      What is his plan about his daughter and you? If there’s no plan, move on..

  2. Sandra

    May 27, 2017 at 6:35 pm

    We are back to being together now for about a month. He asks me to go out and do things together and we do. The question is when I ask him to go out and do something I get a maybe or a no reply. I’m not sure what exactly that means. Then after that maybe or no reply response passes by with hours of silence in between he goes back to everything being normal. Should I stop asking to go do things and does he always have to be the one to initiate the going out??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 29, 2017 at 5:54 pm

      actually it’s the other way around with other girls, their ex never initiates.. have you tried suggesting an alternative day if he cant on the one you first suggested?

  3. Jo elena

    May 6, 2017 at 4:17 pm

    Hey! Thank you always for the great post.
    My bf and I had been going through awful months since feb due to his big lie during our entire 2 years relationship. He tried literally everything to make up and when I finally decided to stay with the relationship he said he is tired and he doesn’t feel the same that he wants to stop. I somehow convinced him to stay and we are now together. But I feel the distant and I know it’s not a healthy relationship. My question here is should I apply NC and restart or follow the article above and rebuild attraction? Thanx

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 6, 2017 at 5:04 pm

      follow the advice above

  4. Duchess

    May 2, 2017 at 11:03 am

    Hello… I cheated on my boyfriend of 11months in February and even though he begged me to stay, I left with the other guy, few weeks later, I started dating my boyfriend again but I broke up with him again over the other guy. It was a really devastating time for him, and me too… Now, I’ve finally broken up with the other guy. I discovered he was totally wrong for me but that was at the expense of my ex’s pain, I never truly loved him even. I always loved my ex, I never got over him.
    It hurts now that he’s become a serial dater/cheater. We talk and he never lies to me, he’s told me about almost 7 girls…
    The issue now is that we’re trying to get back together, but he said I should give him three weeks to think and let all the girls go…
    I don’t know what to expect and I know I don’t deserve another chance after all the pain he went through and most people don’t want us back, they were always jealous of our relationship… I really don’t know what to expect or do..
    P. S, this is the first time I’ve cheated in my entire life, I’m 25…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 2, 2017 at 8:13 pm

  5. Katy

    April 16, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    Hello! Last Summer i got my ex boyfriend back using the no contact rule. Everything worked almost magically. He begged me back and we decided to move in together only after 2 months. It was rushed but there was a lot of outside factors that justify the decision then. At the beginning of the relationship he told me he did not want to have the same kind of relationship as before, that he wanted us to make plans and takes decisions according to each other. Now, we need to make those decision but he seems unsure about committing and I am no longer important ans a priority in his decisions. When I confronted him about it he said that we had a difficult year and that he was not sure if he wanted to get more serîous with me. ( indeed our year was difficult, but I see those difficulties as outside of our relationship, eg. We were living with a roommate and my bf does not really like her which created tensions etc.) I would like to know how I can reverse the situation. Is it possible?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 16, 2017 at 5:14 pm

      Are you still living together currently?

  6. Princess

    March 22, 2017 at 3:29 pm

    Hi. I’ve been following you since i broke up with my boyfriend and thanks to you i was able to get him back after a month. We are now 3 months together since we got back and recently i learned that he had a rebound relationship while we were off and it is his colleague. At present, he is annoyed with this girl because she still keeps messaging him but what if the girl will do the NC in the future. Will he fall for it?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2017 at 3:07 pm

      Hi Princess,

      not exactly.. the improvement is what makes the guy interested and the mystery.. if you and him are happy and he has invested more in you and you kept being ungettable, he won’t see her better

  7. Katie

    March 8, 2017 at 11:49 pm

    Hi, so me and my ex finally got back together after about 4 months apart during which time I followed the steps on the site and in the book. Thanks for all your support by the way 🙂 Things are going fairly well at the moment, but I’m a little bit concerned about a few things. We haven’t argued or brought up the past much at all really. I’ve been quite chilled and relaxed about texting him and seeing him. We see each other less than we did before but I’m now busier and he’s on a course whilst working full time so last week he worked about 60 hours. There’s been a couple of nights in a row sometimes that I’ve not heard from him and I’m not jumping to text him because I don’t want to appear needy. He’s very attentive and caring when he’s with me and I can tell he wants things to work out well for us from what he says and how he acts. The thing is we haven’t discussed what kind of relationship we want this time around. But things are very different (in a good way) due to a shift in circumstances (mainly mine changing). He wants us to take things slow so I’m reluctant to discuss what we both want with him for fear of coming on too strong/trying to rush things. I want to get this right, but don’t know if I’m going the right way about it?

    1. Katie

      March 26, 2017 at 12:24 am

      Just wanted to say that we did have part of a discussion which may be useful for you guys in helping others.
      During the period where I didn’t talk to him (No contact), for him it felt like a lot longer than it was. By the way, I didn’t hear from him once in that time. He missed me and he missed hanging out with me.
      The other evening he was talking about how compatible he thought we are, which is something he used to say before the breakup, so that’s nice he’s saying that again. Especially when one of his main reasons for breaking up was that we weren’t compatible. When he started chasing me and saw me again after weeks of not seeing me, he partly wanted to see me because I sounded different than before.
      I used to complain a lot before. I was really unhappy, mainly because of my job (I’ve got a new one now) and it annoyed him because he judges people by his own standards and he’d have just kept applying for other jobs straight away. But during no contact, focusing on myself and what I wanted really helped me to turn my life around.
      He never talks about how he feels, so I was surprised to get this much out of him.
      He’s been offered a job 1.5 hours away. We can discuss what we’d like to happen nearer the time.
      I’m trying to keep things fun by going out and doing new things together. I try to be a bit unpredictable by taking him out somewhere that’s a surprise or doing something unexpected. He likes things to be done his way in the kitchen so if I cook for him it can cause problems, we’ve come to an agreement that he’s not allowed in the kitchen if I’m the one cooking which seems to be working well. The more we do stuff together (once a week at the moment as we are both busy), the more he wants me not to leave, to hold me and be affectionate with me. Even if we spend lots of time together I always make sure that we have part of the weekend to ourselves so we can get stuff done/be independent.
      It’s been about 6 week since we got back together. Moving on definitely helped me get him back. When I stopped arranging any further meetings after the first one and was content just to text him about fun stuff, that was the moment he started to chase me. But I think no contact and changing my outlook/career/living more made the biggest difference.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 26, 2017 at 3:44 pm

      thanks for sharing katie!

    3. Katie

      March 17, 2017 at 10:36 pm

      Ok thanks Amor 🙂

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 21, 2017 at 5:40 pm

      you’re welcome!

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2017 at 11:03 am

      Hi Katie,

      You are going the right way about it. Talk about those when you’re both in a good mood, probably when you’re out having fun.

  8. Mademoiselle

    February 23, 2017 at 3:09 pm

    Hi,
    I have followed all the steps carfully and I’m stunt how well it’s working. Eventjough it took him mths, I’m finnally seeing results. I’m at the point (#3- In-Perdon) where we met and we end up kissing passionately. I have a good feeling about this but I’m still taking it slow. My question is… how long do I have to make him chase me before we go any further? I work so hard on to follow every steps carfully and I really don’t want to screw this up. I’m not sure at this point how to tell him that I want commitment before going any further. We’ve been teasing each other intensively by text but how to tell him now that I want more? I’m not sure which words to use exactly (men vocabularies ) so he doesn’t think I was just playing with him. What if he gets frustrated and stopped texting me after. I know if he cares he won’t but I do I know he’s being attached at this point?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 23, 2017 at 9:36 pm

  9. Sam

    January 30, 2017 at 7:39 am

    Hi,
    My ex and I were together for 3.5 years before he broke up with me because he felt unsettled about the future and wanted to stay friends. I said I wasn’t willing to be his friend and spoke to him once or twice in the first 3-4 weeks of breaking up. I then completed NC with him calling in the middle and then me making first contact once I had completed. The first few texts I’ve sent, he responded very positively and it has been 3 days since I have initiated contact again. I’m now at a cross roads I feel if I continue it is likely that I can get him back BUT I don’t want to end up in the same place we were in. How do I start fresh, without the baggage but still staying open and honest? There was no cheating I just feel like a lot has happened that I we can’t start fresh because of outside factors like friends and family

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2017 at 3:15 pm

      Hi Sam,
      if you talk about getting back together bring up what you want to change in the relationship

  10. elle

    October 27, 2016 at 11:05 pm

    i’ve been reading your site and i think it’s really working! my boyfriend of two months (short but sweet) broke up with me a month and half ago. i did 21 days (or so) no contact and traveled for a month. when i got home we started texting again and i reached out to meet up, but he said he was busy with a friend in town. i wound up seeing him three days later at his apartment and it went SO well, we were just like how we used to be. then we went a few days without speaking and i finally asked him to dinner. dinner went really well and he came back to my place with me. i haven’t heard anything since. my main goal was to get a second date, so now i’m not sure what to do? should i wait for him to reach out? should i keep softly asking him? i don’t want to give him mixed signals and be unavailable but i don’t want to be too available either. it’s such a tricky situation 🙂 please help.

    1. elle

      October 31, 2016 at 5:57 pm

      we saw each other last tues. i texted him friday to get lunch and he said he didn’t have time, but was responsive. it’s now monday (and i haven’t heard since) so about a week? i have a feeling he’s not interested because he moved VERY fast when he met me… asking to see me almost every other day. everything went well when we saw each other though? i’m just going to give it space.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 29, 2016 at 1:13 am

      Hi Elle,

      Yeah, you’re moving fast.. how many days has it been?

  11. JP

    September 19, 2016 at 3:44 am

    Thank you! About a month ago I reached out via email to an old boyfriend (from 24 years ago) – okay I’m older but I’ve aged well … and good thing, so has he! (We are both in our forties.) We spoke on the phone the next day and 3 days later we were meeting for lunch. Less than an hour into lunch, he told me that he said I never deserved to be treated the way that I was in the past and that he would never do it again. And then he asked me to be in a relationship with him. Yes, you are getting the Coles notes version but you get the idea. Sounds crazy fast but that’s how things always were with us. A few weeks later he told me that the minute I walked into the restaurant, all of his feelings came flooding back … and he knew I felt the same way. And he is right! So sounds all warm and fuzzy but truly its been very overwhelming. I’m divorced and he is almost there. I truly have no idea how to proceed and this article has been so helpful – definitely will be reading it again! Truly … you must be honest, you must not play games and you must be yourself. Because at this stage of the game, you deserve to be who you are and accepted for it! Wish me luck … its pretty nice to feel butterflies again!!!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 21, 2016 at 7:09 am

      Hi JP,

      Good Luck!!! And enjoy!!

  12. Sarah

    August 30, 2016 at 11:15 pm

    We dated for 2 years, then he broke up with me in December. We started seeing each other on and off since May. At the beginning of August he asked me to be his gf. I said yes. But I am really insecure about asking him out and texting him first because I am scared that he won’t text back or that he will say no.
    Should I tell him that I am insecure about this?

    1. Sarah

      September 11, 2016 at 5:10 pm

      Thanks, do you think that I should talk to him about how I am insecure that he might break up with me again?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 13, 2016 at 3:17 pm

      yes, what matters more is how you say it.. Don’t say it in a tone like you’re blaming him..

    3. Sarah

      September 1, 2016 at 3:33 am

      Thanks Amor! I’m also kinda insecure that he might break up with me again. (Not that we have been fighting or that there is any reason that he would). It just lingers in my mind, because if he did it before then he could do it again.
      Any advice on this

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 1:47 pm

      of course he can do it again.. but you can do it too. If that happens, be strong. Both of you should cherish each other. Not just you. Change your mindset. Instead of worrying of losing him, keep in mind that he’s going to lose somebody great if he looses you.

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 2:33 pm

      HI Sarah,

      you’re his girlfriend.. you shouldn’t feel that way.. and yes, you should let him know but do it calmly

  13. Messed it up

    June 20, 2016 at 3:09 pm

    Hi! I’m in need of some advice. My fiancé and I had been together for over 2 years. We started dating a week after we met and always were completely in love, not a lot of arguments. We’ve been an LDR most of the time since I go to university 4 hours away, but I’m currently home for summer. When I’ve been home for breaks we’ve always lived together. About a month ago my fiancé broke up with me, having an emotional breakdown while doing so. I had moved out a few days before the breakup due to uneasy feelings. The only thing I’d noticed that changed in the relationship was my fiance’s weird attachment to his best friend, he’s always at his beck and call, doing favors at all hours and driving him around, even across the state and almost seems to be in a relationship with him. (He’s not gay but it’s very bromance-y). I applied NC and after 2 weeks he messaged me about 5 times in 2 minutes so I wrote back to make sure it wasn’t an emergency. I got a long message of “I needed space to realize how special what we have is and our future is so bright and I never want to be without you EVER”. He wanted to see me and came by my work for lunch. Despite my work uniform, I tried to look nice. He was passionate and sweet and was holding my hand, hugging, kissing, going on about how he missed me, etc. I told him I wanted him to take it slow. He said he wanted to be back together and be with me, so I told him what I needed from our “new” relationship (better communication and prioritizing me equally with his friends). He agreed and even asked if we were still engaged which I didn’t directly answer. He asked me to stay with him again at his house, but I denied. I went on vacation and he told me he had no problem waiting for me. We spoke every day on my trip, but some days when he wouldn’t text me until 5 or 6pm, or wouldn’t answer my messages until the next morning, I would get anxious and ask if he was ignoring me. I admit I pushed him a little bit when it came to talking to me. We had plans for when I got back that he had to cancel because a work schedule change, and I pushed a little much about seeing him since he was leaving for a trip for the weekend and I wanted to see him before. Now he’s disappeared on me all together and I haven’t heard in 5 days. I’m back to applying NC, and haven’t contacted him in 4 days. Aside from not chasing him and relaxing my anxiety, is there any advice on what to do if he contacts me again? Do you think I’ll ever hear from him again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2016 at 8:53 pm

      Hi Messed it up,

      I think he will, just let everything cool off.

  14. Jean

    May 10, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago as he was having doubts about us again for the second time, since we had a break in January and go together again.
    I was in no contact for those two weeks and he knew I wouldn’t want to speak to him for now. So, when he sent me a text two days ago saying he would like to speak with me, I answered because I thought that might be important. We spoke in person and basically he told me it was up to me to decide if I wanted to get back together with him. Nevertheless, like he said before, he said he loved me but not as he used to and that he wanted to fall in love with me again.He said he lost interest in the relationship and I told him sometimes I felt like he had no interest on what I was saying,to which he agreed. I didn’t give him any answer until now, because I said I needed time and I was very confused. While part of me wants to get back with him, the other part thinks what if he gets doubts again?I think something really needs to change here. I’m really lost and need some insight on this.

    1. Jean

      May 15, 2016 at 2:38 am

      I know what he meant with lost interest, that he no longer feels an emotionally connected as he used to, but still is phisically attracted.If he would change,I honestly don’t know.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 14, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      Hi Jean,

      when he said he lost interest in you, he basically said he wanted to break up but he’s passing that responsibility to you… I don’t like it.. He has not guts.. Let’s say you want the continue the relationship, would he change?

  15. Rose

    May 7, 2016 at 1:50 am

    Great article!
    I have been following everything in Ex Boyfriend Recovery since my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me.. We have gotten back together and i couldnt be happier.
    Thanku Chris Seiter and the team!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 8, 2016 at 6:07 pm

      Thank you Rose for appreciating us!!

  16. RKY

    April 26, 2016 at 11:52 pm

    Great article, thank you. I broke up with my fiancé about a month ago now and we have since gotten back together. He had bitterness towards me for breaking up with him and hasn’t returned the ring or even mentioned it. I am not expecting it at all because I felt like neither of us were ready, we were fighting way too much and we both felt a lot of pressure from our families.. I should also mention that in a heated argument, he took the ring from me and ‘forgot’ to return it to me for a week until I broke up with him. It was all very immature, hence we weren’t ready. Since getting back together, I have told myself to trust him, give him space and let him do what he’s gotta do, if it was meant to be, it will be. I don’t want to force it back to how it used to be but I feel like he is a little disinterested. Could this be because he is still caught up on me breaking up with him? He did mention that he doesn’t trust that I’ll always be there or could he genuinely have fallen out of love. I mean, when we’re together it’s fine, he’s attentive, affectionate but he otherwise doesn’t call, txt or initiate anything half as often as he used to. He is spending a lot more time with his friends or even just staying home when we’re both free. I have reassured him that I’m here to stay and have been supportive of his work (he felt I wasn’t before) and have generally relaxed (which was also a problem). We haven’t been fighting, we both have social lives, I’m not always available to him. I’m wondering if this will get better with time or is it too damaged/wasting my time?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 27, 2016 at 9:00 am

      Hi Rky,

      why not ask him to go out? Spend time together and do new things.. If you can talk about it calmly and present solutions that good but it’s better if you just act on making the relationship better.

  17. Kristi

    April 25, 2016 at 3:01 am

    OK so here’s my situation. I have been in a relationship with this man for 6 years. The last 2 years have been a crazy on and off cycle. He usually always initiates the off first. We also have a 4 year old son I might add, which is another reason this whole situation hurts me more. But I do love him very much. I want to end the on off cycle completely and keep it on, and good. So this is what I’ve done. I blew up his phone 5 days ago and acted ridiculous, which did NOT helo. He completely ignored me. So I started to ignore him too. We’ll last night and today he started messaging me thinking that I had gone out with friends. He’s so afraid that I will go out and he says he doesn’t like it when I do bc he thinks I’m going to start talking to other men. So today, after he said that he wouldn’t tolerate me going out I said…” Ok, I understand. Honestly, I think right now I need some space for myself. To work on things for me. I hope you can understand.” And I was thinking I should start the no contact tomorrow. This is a relationship where we never went more than 2 to 5 days without talking. But I don’t want to lose him completely if I continue this pattern. 🙁 do you think I’m doing the right thing or what would you suggest?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 26, 2016 at 8:50 pm

      Hi Kristi,
      it’s his ego talking because he’s possessive of you.. It’s better if you would talk about your relationship first. SO, if it doesn’t work he would know why you’re doing nc.. It’s because he has to man up and stop doing that to your relationship.. You really have to risk losing him as a partner because until he sees that what’s currently happening is ok with you, he won’t change..

  18. Emily

    April 15, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    My ex and I have been back and forth for 10 months. He tells me he doesn’t want to be with me so I leave him alone then a week later he’s telling me he wants to see me. I always jump right back into him. Recently, he told me he isn’t sure anymore about us… then last night he said want to get this another try… but in the same conversation said, he may not be back (before asking if we wanted to try again). We were in a 5 year relationship with the normal amount of arguing… never screaming but once we broke up the first time 10 months ago, our arguing is a lot worse. I’m exhausted from the past 10 months. I would just like to get back to the point of having a good time, laughing and not arguing. I’m not sure if I should be concerned that he told me in the same conversation that he might come back if we call it quits but when he saw me (I stopped by his place) he asked me if I wanted to try us again. He seems to be unsure of what he wants, my want for him as never changed… he said in previous conversations that he’s concerned we’ll fight again, and hate each other… this was the main reason he was unsure about getting back together. I don’t know how to approach anything??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 18, 2016 at 4:20 am

      Hi Emily,

      for me do nc, to break the cycle.. you can talk to him first if you want, so he knows that the reason for your space is his indecisiveness.. Do it in an understanding way.. Tell him, you understand that he’s not sure and you’re not rushing him but everything is not healthy for you, so you’re taking time for yourself. Don’t tell him for how long.

  19. Teya

    March 31, 2016 at 2:40 am

    Hi there, ok so just under 3 months ago my boyfriend left me to be with another girl and she was pregnant (to him) and he ended up getting engaged after pressure from her family. 3 weeks after we had broken up and after I did no contact with him, he started texting me again telling me he still loved me etc. So a week ago he called off the wedding (2 weeks before the wedding was to take place) and yesterday he told me he wanted to get back together. I said ok but made sure he was ready and told him I didn’t want to rush. Ok, so I am taking back an ex boyfriend who cheated on me and left me for the girl he cheated with. I want to handle everything right and don’t want to get overemotional but I am trying my hardest not to let little things bug me. Like his facebook status he changed to single, a girl writing on his facebook organising to meet up etc. It’s stupid to let these things get to me right? I have really worked on myself while being on my own, my insecurity since he cheated and trying to gain back that trust again, which is why we split up also, because I couldn’t let the past go. We are also long distance, in 2 different countries and I will be in his country next week. He also told me he wants to move over to be with me. So should I just let things slide for now until we are together properly? Thanks 🙂

    1. Teya

      April 18, 2016 at 11:13 pm

      Hi Amor
      So I just got back from overseas and met up and rekindled the romance with him. Everything went well but it kind of ended on a sour note. I didn’t hear from him on the day I left and I have found out now his phone was broken which is why I didn’t get a text or call. But he knew what time I was leaving and didn’t even show up to say goodbye. We had met up the night before to have one last dinner so I am wondering if he thought that was his goodbye? He knew my family was taking me the airport. I know we have only just got back together and I don’t want to make drama but it really bugs me because the next day I saw photos of him on facebook and he was out with his friends at the same time I was about to catch my flight. I sent him a message on facebook letting him know my feelings but should I do no contact? He has always been guilty of taking me for granted but I know that’s my fault too because I am always too available to him.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 21, 2016 at 7:57 am

      Maybe he thinks the dinner was your goodbye.. and it was your family’s time for you to take you to the airport

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 3, 2016 at 9:51 am

      HI teya,

      I remember you.. Yes take it slow.. DOn’t pressure him and let him do the work.

  20. Purple rain

    March 7, 2016 at 4:13 pm

    We broke up for 6 months due to LDR. But we got back together since we ended up in the same country again after 6 months of being separated. When we were in the same city, we started communicated again and got back together within a week. Things were pretty good for the next couple of weeks. Then we got into a disagreement (kind of an argument) and then he became very distant.

    Now we don’t talk anymore. He wouldn’t suggest to meet me or say he misses me.

    What should I do for this relationship to be back on track again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 8, 2016 at 3:03 pm

      Hi Purple rain,

      so actaully, you haven’t broken up… I think this post is more suitable for your situation.
      How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

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