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231 thoughts on “Keeping Him Once You Get Him Back”

  1. yara

    November 22, 2013 at 1:30 am

    so i have a problem. i finished my NC and i did my first contact text monday, but today herd a rumor that he is now sleeping with his ex before me (who we had alot of problems with), and that he broke up with me for her. but we were still sleeping together for 2 months after we broke up which means he would have been lying to me the entire time. I dont want to accuse him though. How do i ask him if its true without messing up this process ive started? because i really want to follow through with your step by step plan, but not if the rumors are true.

    1. admin

      November 22, 2013 at 7:34 pm

      Slowly lead into asking him a question like that.

  2. Brittany

    November 20, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    I’ve posted before, but I think I just kinda need a bit of reassurance right now.

    I briefly dated (less than a month) an amazing man, but past insecurities took over and i went completely PSYCHO. I really messed up bad. it was SO embarassing, but it was a breakdown that I needed to change my life around. I can’t get him and what could have been off my mind, even though I haven’t seen him since July.

    I recently completed 73 days NC. I sent out an email asking for the name of a show we watched. He responded politely with the name of the show. I waited a few days and thanked him for the answer, and he didn’t respond (which i expected).

    My current plan is to email him occasionally, try to make small talk, and then kinda disappear again for a few weeks to get him comfortable with me again. I know it’s going to take a long time, but do you think this is a good strategy? I mean, I went COMPLETELY psycho on this poor guy that barely knew me. Do I even have a chance?

    1. admin

      November 21, 2013 at 6:17 pm

      How bad of psycho are we talking here…

    2. Brittany

      November 21, 2013 at 6:51 pm

      EXTREMELY bad πŸ™

    3. Brittany

      November 21, 2013 at 6:55 pm

      but i mean.. he responded to me after 2.5 months. he didn’t have to do that. or am i grasping for straws here? lol.

    4. admin

      November 22, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      No he didn’t and your not grasping at straws just try not to make it as big of a deal as you are making it so you can kind of protect yourself emotionally.

  3. Jack

    November 20, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    Hey Chris. I realize its odd for me to post on this site because I am a guy. But Ive read a couple of these types of sites and this seems to be the most helpful even though its designed for women. I’m less than a week from ending NC, but my ex girlfriend (who broke up with me) drunk texted me and said some nasty things this past weekend. I figured it was a cry for attention and didnt respond. Just wondering if I should extend NC? This is the third time shes tried to contact me since NC began, but the first time she’s done something like that.

    1. admin

      November 20, 2013 at 6:03 pm

      No its not weird haha and you aren’t the first guy.

      I don’t think you need to extend it at all. I think you have things set up nicely to be honest.

    2. Jack

      November 22, 2013 at 2:22 pm

      So last night I wake up to a snapchat from my ex. She was blowing me a kiss and said “Miss you already.” I was shocked. I know you just said I have things set up well. But now I feel even more confused. 1) Because the last contact we’ve had has been bitter, resentfull arguing and 2) This break has been a long time in the making, mostly due to her pushing me away. My main goal going into NC was to figure out if we could even be friends. I never expected her to reach out like that, its very unlike her, at least since we first broke. I just dont know what shes thinking, or when I contact her what her state of mind will be. Any thoughts?

    3. admin

      November 22, 2013 at 8:19 pm

      That temptress hahahah

      1. she must really miss you.

      2. Still stick to NC don’t give in yet. Just keep focusing on YOU.

    4. Jack

      November 28, 2013 at 11:51 pm

      Just thought you might be interested in hearing how well your advice has worked. Two days ago, the night before NC was supposed to end, she shows up at my front door. Terrified of a potential β€œscene”, as there were 8 other dudes at my place I answered the door and took the convo outside. She apologized, I accepted and probably came off as cold. She said she had been thinking about all the qualities she holds high and I just nodded and agreed. We made a truce and left it at that. Five minutes later she texted me asking to get back together… I truly dont know what I want to do. But I do know that if her desire to get back stays strong, the decision will make itself. Just wanted to say your awesome and I have (think I have) learned a whole lot about the female psych from reading this site. More guys NEED to read your writing.

    5. Jack

      November 22, 2013 at 9:01 pm

      I know right, just when I was getting my head straight I get that image haha. Okay, thanks Chris.

  4. Kay

    November 19, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    Hey chris, I’m actually over the NC and can’t find any guts to text him. I’m so worried he isn’t gonna reply. He doesn’t have a clue what I have been up to as I have no social network for any stalking lol. Be nice if u could help

    1. admin

      November 20, 2013 at 5:17 pm

      Well eventually there comes a time where you have to take a risk.

    2. Kay

      November 20, 2013 at 9:10 pm

      I text him :). He took bout an hour to reply. I replied bout 10mins afters. Could this be a game he’s playing?

    3. admin

      November 21, 2013 at 6:21 pm

      Or he was just really busy and didn’t get your text till later.

    4. Kay

      November 25, 2013 at 9:14 am

      Right, I have now asked him a question but he hasn’t replied. I’m a bit stuck as I don’t know how to initiate another text :/. He’s replied to my first few text. I text him back a day later and now he hasn’t replied :(. What’s the next step?

    5. admin

      November 25, 2013 at 8:27 pm

      Well you need to get him to reply to your texts hahahaha.

    6. Kay

      December 2, 2013 at 11:48 pm

      Ok so I’ve got myself a date set and now I feel this overwhelming sicky feeling which I’m worried might stick around through date :/

    7. admin

      December 3, 2013 at 7:39 pm

      Hahah have you read my stuff on what to do during the date?

  5. Tearra

    November 19, 2013 at 10:26 am

    This Dosen’t have a lot to do with this topic . How can I handle my boyfriend of 2 years who comments and conversate’s with women on social networks. Am I over reacting , or is there some point where the line should be drawn. It bothers me a lot , and I have said something before but it continues to happen.

    1. admin

      November 19, 2013 at 7:17 pm

      I think you are overreacting but at the same time is he actively flirting with them?

  6. KGP

    November 19, 2013 at 5:17 am

    So I got the text your ex back, and it seems like a good idea, I mean everything in it, but what do I do if my ex actually blocked me on his phone? He has the iPhone, and with the new iOS7, it’s possible to block people. I know his e-mail, but I think I should wait a while before trying to contact him, but if he blocked me, do I even stand a chance to get back together with him?

    I wasn’t surprised by the break up since he rarely ever contacted me, but I still really like him, and when we were together, things felt natural.

    I have been talking to some other guys, who are really decent too, but I can’t get my ex out of my mind. Part of me does not want to give up on him, but the other part of me is maybe thinking that I should.

    Should I give it like a year or so before trying to contact him? 6 months? By e-mail since I can’t text him?

    1. admin

      November 19, 2013 at 6:59 pm

      Well do you have any other way of talking to him?

      P.S. I have the iPhone and hate the new blocking feature b/c of you guys and your ex having the power to block you.

  7. Stuck in a cycle

    November 18, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Hey Chris!

    I hope you remember me but I’m the one who had been on and off with her exboyfriend for a really long time and then he started dating someone else.

    First off, I just really wanted to thank you for your time and patience in replying my comments. The week after I started no contact, my exboyfriend started messaging me saying how sorry he was and how he realized that I was an important part in his life. He even called me, he blocked his caller id, and I accidentally picked up. He told me that he broke up with this girl and wanted to see how things would go between us.

    In the mean time, I really worked hard to concentrate on working on myself, trying to regain self-confidence. I’m still keeping distance between him and I and trying to focus on other things. I just wanted to stop by and thank you so much and that EVERYTHING you wrote about the no contact rule is right on the money!

    1. admin

      November 19, 2013 at 5:31 pm

      No problem and actually since your ex is being so responsive you may be able to shorten NC if you want.

  8. Jane

    November 18, 2013 at 9:28 am

    Hi Chris,
    Finally I got to know why my ex hates me so much. I learnt it from his brother. I hate to admit this, but unfortunately I am the over emotional kind of lady. Many of the times in our relationship we used to have endless fights and there was a time we had such a huge fight and I threw the TV remote at him, it was not intentional, but this really made him angry. Now the action of throwing the remote at him is the main reason why this guy hates me so much despite the fact that it happened over a year and a half ago, and the fights too. Chris I have actually learnt a lot from my mistakes in our relationship and am trying to better myself.

    Chris as much as I have decided to change for the best as a person, I am not sure whether my ex will ever get to see this. I am not sure whether he will ever take me back, simply because he believes I am such a bad person and more so he still hates me up to now. Chris I don’t know how I can show him that I am righting off my mistakes to him, I don’t know how AL show him that I regret everything and that I am willing to be a better girlfriend to him. I have tried so many channels but still cant get through to him, simply because he clearly hates me and does not want anything to do with me. Chris I am through with my 2nd NC, what now should I do. Is there any hope left?

    1. admin

      November 18, 2013 at 7:09 pm

      Sure there is.

      Just do what you are doing and realize that this is not going to happen overnight.

    2. jane

      November 19, 2013 at 7:23 am

      Now Chris, should I contact him or what, or should I just extend my silence in NC and wait for him to contact me? Putting in mind that he is seeing this other lady and from what I hear, he really is into her(they’ve been together for 4months now).

    3. admin

      November 19, 2013 at 7:13 pm

      Hmm… I think extend it a bit. Focus inwards.

    4. Jane

      November 26, 2013 at 10:54 am

      Hi, Chris
      I have not surfed the net for some time now and didn’t get to read your last reply, so I did something, hope I didn’t mess things up. See, I sent a short text to my ex(last weekend)just saying hi and up to now he has not replied. Somehow I prefer him not replying than him replying angrily but still would like it if he replied reciprocating my greetings(if only wishes were horses). Now Chris whats with his silence, what should I do?

      About extending a bit, how long should I extend? Chris for the past one week I have really really been missing my ex, so much I thought ad go nuts, maybe that’s why I texted him. I have been focusing on myself for the last 4mnths and enjoying life with friends but deep down I am not that happy, me missing him is growing stronger with every passing day instead of it fading away, isn’t this weird?

    5. admin

      November 26, 2013 at 8:21 pm

      No its what I wanted to ahppen. Make everyone stronger during the breakup and not weaker!

  9. abby

    November 18, 2013 at 7:40 am

    *my ex-boyfriend. typoo..

    1. jane

      November 19, 2013 at 7:16 am

      abby, hahaha…such guys are just as difficult as they can get. Still amazed at just how my ex despite his fare share of mistakes will hate me and badmouth me to everyone as the villain here, and act like he is the angel. Whats worse is that I still love him. Just sucks

    2. abby

      November 20, 2013 at 4:59 pm

      wow.. same goes to me, jane.. but my ex didn’t bad mouth about me.. he just kept commenting on some status on facebook telling them that i am unfaithful and i didn’t love him sincerely.. i know it was me even thought he did mention my name and he kept doing that until now.. it’s been 5 months since the break-up.. yeah i still love him too and it is sucks.. he did tell me(when we were fighting) that i am an emotional person and he said that i’m changed.. i feel bad for myself and i was not a good person back then.. now i am struggling to better myself with gathering lots of girlfriends because back then i have lots of boy-friends.. by the way.. my english is my second language so i am very sorry if there any mistaken words or grammar..

    3. abby

      November 20, 2013 at 5:00 pm

      *he didn’t mention my name

  10. abby

    November 18, 2013 at 7:32 am

    i always be honest with my boyfriend. never lie to him. will he appreciate it even thought we had a huge fight about it? i told him that i like other man when we were fight. actually i lied. i did that because i want him to get me back. and i was wrong. but besides that, i never lie. will he appreciate all of my honesty? even the darkest secret?

    Chris, you helped me a lot. thank you.

    by the way.. YAY! im the first person who commented this guides! AGAIN!! *clapping hand* πŸ™‚

    1. admin

      November 18, 2013 at 6:58 pm

      I think so. But when you are honest with him make sure you are calm when handling bad news.

  11. Bri

    November 18, 2013 at 2:58 am

    My ex broke up with me out of nowhere a little over a month ago, he didn’t know what he wanted; despite what you say, I did end up begging for him back the first day because I was so in shock, and sending him an email about a week later. Which he responded to by texting me back right away, although he sounded even more confused. We didn’t talk for a little over a week and he ended up texting me that he loves me, we ended up talking the next day and he said he wanted to get back together, so like an idiot, I took him back. The next few days were great, until he started acting very distant, not wanting to talk as much, when before he wanted to talk all of the time. We were in a LDR so the whole not wanting to talk thing, didn’t work for me as you can imagine. Also, I was feeling much needier than before because the reassurance I needed from him that this was what he really wanted was not happening, he was giving me the opposite feeling actually. I began not trusting him, he was liking and commenting on girls Instagram pictures (I was looking for these things, which is crazy I know, but the fact that I was finding comments in the first place is an issue all in itself). I of course brought these things up which was driving him crazy, I could feel him pushing farther away from me and we were fighting almost every conversation. When before it was very visable he had a gf, now it looked as if I didnt exist, it made me think he was maybe talking to other girls or at least letting there be a possibility of meeting another girl while still having me in the side just in case. I realize I was being crazy, i did just about everything you say not to do. He ended up breaking up with me about 2 or 3 weeks of being back together. He said he was just over it and when asked if he still loves me he said, I guess not anymore. Normally I would just move on but the fact that at one point he loved me so much and wanted to marry me someday, it makes it very hard for me to move on and believe that he won’t be back around. I did stumble across a picture of him and another girl looking a little friendlier than friends and it makes me believe he is already hanging out with another girl. I feel completely pathetic, I know I shouldn’t want to get back with this guy. It’s been about 3 weeks since the breakup, we haven’t talked other than about some money he owes me for a plane ticket that cannot be refunded, but we kept things short as I stated the sooner we take care of things, the sooner we don’t have to deal with one another anymore. I want to blame the distance for why it is so easy for him to end things with me but if a guy really loves you is he able to break up with you twice, and will he ever be back again?

    1. admin

      November 18, 2013 at 6:35 pm

      Well have you ever read my long distance relationship guide?

    2. Bri

      November 18, 2013 at 11:34 pm

      Yes I have, I am actually going to follow it this time. I was just wondering if there’s even a point now with the way he acted, will someone who really loves you break up with you twice? I think I took him back too soon the first time not allowing him to realize what it was really like without me. I also think he thinks that I’ll always take him back no matter what. Ill be reading your LDR guide again for a reminder.

    3. admin

      November 19, 2013 at 6:33 pm

      I think in the end its all up to you and how you feel. If you feel he acted in a way that he doesn’t deserve you back then you can move on.

      Good luck on that LDR guide. Is there anything else you would like me to write about?

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