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156 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them”

  1. Nicole

    August 1, 2020 at 9:39 am

    I have been with my ex for 11 years we have a 8 year old and a 9 Month old. Long story short 1
    Month ago he told me he cheated on me with a girl he had met for 3 weeks he said he did that because he felt our connection had been lost for a couple of years now. Well he left me and said he needed space because he was confused as to how he felt towards me and this girl. He keeps telling me that he really loves me but he is into the other girl. I decided to give him a chance since he told me he had thought about it and he knew he wanted to be with me and loved me so much, well everything was good for 3 days then he started acting the same way like when he told
    Me he cheated! He went fishing then the next day told me that he had to leave because he missed the other girl he told me he really likes her
    Personality and That he wanted to see where it would lead with her. All this time he still kept saying that he loves me he knows he is making a mistake that he is going to regret everything he’s doing but he left anyways. 1 week went by and I had no contact with him. He came to see his daughter he broke down and said he misses me he loves me to forgive him to let him know what he can do to win me back. I know the girl didn’t want
    Anything to do with him and now he comeS back and tells me to take him back ? I’m basically a rebound to him but he says it’s not that. I’m
    So confused I really love him
    And I know he loves me but he has hurt
    Me way to much what should I do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 17, 2020 at 10:58 pm

      Hi Nicole, this is such a horrible thing to go through for you, and your children too! I suggest that you follow a limited no contact where you only speak with him about the children and nothing else for the time being. (45 days NC because there is another person involved). Read about the being there method during this time, spend some time working on your Holy Trinity and being ungettable. He is going to realise he made a mistake walking out on you, but you need to do the work to show this. And if you decide you still want him back at the end of your No Contact period that is when you start following the being there method

  2. DJ

    July 30, 2020 at 12:27 pm

    My ex-husband and I finalized our divorce papers earlier this month but have been separated for 1 year. I started dating someone new a month or two into our separation. He and I were together for 6 years. And have two babies under 2. I was the provider for our family, paid all the bills, cleaned, cooked, played into his desires/fantasies and took care of the children and all I wanted was his time and attention. But He made more time to play his video games than to spend time with me and his children. So I decided I wanted a separation to see if I could fall for someone else. I did. I am currently 8 months pregnant with another mans child. I tried to work things out with my ex, and he lead me on then finally said he can’t raise another mans child. However, the new guy loves me unconditionally and my children. Is a provider and would do anything for us. My ex only sees Hes children 2 times a week and seems like he is much happier without me in a his life but is cordial when he sees me. Will occasionally give me an update when the kids are with him, but won’t respond to me for hours when I text him questions about the kids. I’ve asked him point blank if he misses me or our life. He says no. He misses none of it because he has repented to God for what he did and was freed. I miss the memories and the good moments. I’m confused between wanting my ex husband back even though he cut me off and moving in with this new wonderful man.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 2, 2020 at 9:31 am

      Hi DJ it sounds as if you are romanticising your past relationship with your husband where you were actually unhappy. I also think missing him would be expected as you were together for some time. Missing someone and wanting them back are two different things though we just get confused with this when we are emotional. I think the new boyfriend needs to also be considered here. Does he know how you feel? The ex husband not wanting you back is also a reason you may feel that you want him because you thought he would maybe fight for your marriage. IF you are not sure what you want with either man then take some time for yourself and be honest with your boyfriend about how you feel considering you are having a baby with him he needs to be in your life forever now.

  3. Sam

    July 28, 2020 at 11:32 am

    So since my last post, my husband has still refused to speak to me even after he said he wanted to. He said he wanted to come and speak about everything then decided he couldn’t as “I wont stop bringing up us”. In the last few months, its been him that has brought up our relationship and break up not me. I have reacted to things he has said but not brought up up myself.
    Since he has said that, he has become unusually nice to me, asking how I am and do I need anything. Asking me to message if i need anything from him which he knows I will not do. I dont start any conversations with him at all. He has also started putting x on all his messages to me after he stopped for months, sometimes I mirror these, sometimes I dont. I have my suspicions as to why hes doing all this but he refuses to be upfront and honest with me but has started telling me details of his life that I dont feel i need to know. I feel that maybe hes seeing someone new but is conflicted of his feelings. He has always been the Bury his head in the sand type of guy and if he can ignore something he will with the hope it will go away. He refuses to discuss finalising everhthing with me and still insists on having certain joint bills which I have asked why. All this behaviour is very confusing

  4. Rachel Hines

    July 12, 2020 at 9:49 pm

    So my parents really really (mainly my mom big time) don’t like my (baby daddy)&ex bf of almost 8 Years!!!…That I still love and do not want to be with anyone else. Sometimes I know and feel I deserve better And even my ex said that but I planned a baby with this man and want to die with him and grow to be better WITH Him. I know he loves me I really do but his parents fought a lot and he’s never truly seen healthy relationships. But he knows right from wrong.&He has his issues with drinking(he admits it and is working on it every day) and being controlling and jealous. I haven’t stopped contact with him bec it hurts so I’ve been in the middle smiling for my 5 month baby my baby makes me happy but I miss my ex every minute of every day

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 13, 2020 at 4:40 pm

      Hi Rachel, so it is your life to live not your parents, as hard as it is for them to see you with someone that they do not approve of. It is you who has to be with that man in the long run. HOWEVER, if your parents do not like him and don’t want you to be with him then you need to not go to them when times are hard with your ex because you are strengthening their negative impression of him. If he does have a drinking problem then he needs to seek professional help and I would also suggest that you avoid a relationship with him until he is 100% sober. Your child, giving that you can co parent healthily should be your main priority so make sure that you are trying to keep the environment civil with your parents so the baby has a safe and settles place. Tell your parents that you do not want to speak about your ex if they are to bring him up.

  5. Barbara

    July 6, 2020 at 5:38 am

    Hi I just got divorced husband left me for his best friend growing up she is very controlling he also has 2 of our kids I can’t talk to him or my kids unless she is not around than she will text me on his phone saying how happy he is and he is with someone that respects him and to stop bothering them and I don’t even text him I want my family back and my husband back I am still in love with him

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 6, 2020 at 6:03 pm

      Hi Barbara, this sounds really awful and I am sorry how things turned out, I think your first battle should be how to get your children back in your custody, or shared at least. She should not be controlling that. Seek out some professional advice about how to get access to your children

  6. Adriana

    July 4, 2020 at 8:24 pm

    My husband and I were together for 14 years and have been divorced for almost 8 months. We were still having sex and I had high hopes we were going to get back together. He recently met someone and introduced our kids to her without telling me and lied to me about it. I was devastated because I feel like he is distracted with this girl and isn’t willing to fight to have our family back.

    I know who the girl is but I don’t know her. I’ve contemplated messaging her and letting her know that I’m fighting for my family and that she needs to back off nicely. I feel crazy!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 4, 2020 at 9:52 pm

      Hi Adriana, do not reach out to the other woman as this is going to make you look bitter at the moment. You need to start following the program, stop sleeping with him and go into a limited no contact where you only speak to him about the children and nothing else

  7. Cristina

    June 29, 2020 at 4:33 pm

    Me and my ex fiancé broke up three days ago we have been together for 6 years and have two kids together a 4 and 2 year old. He basically kicked me out of the house so where I go my children go. It was over a stupid fight to be honest I have no idea where all the anger came from. He also says I don’t pay attention to him anymore. I have used it he LNC tule but it’s been so hard because he asks about the kids constantly! He also went on and said other things about our relationship but I have put a stop to it. I miss him and I miss our family so much. It hurts to see that he doesn’t miss me because every text I get is so demanding nothing With love. I don’t know what else to do. When we first met I was the one that approached him, is he used to that? Do I make him chase me? Will he chase me? I’m so scare of losing my family.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 15, 2020 at 9:33 pm

      Hey Cristina, so it sounds as if he is still angry, so you need to change the way you are doing the Limited no contact. When he asks about the kids, you reply “They’re good, speak to you later” and end the conversation. There is no need for a back and forth conversation because he is not going to miss you if you are talking ot him all day. Even if it is about the kids. He is going to get to see them when its his days and you do not reach out ot him on those days. Leave him to manage on his own without you around. IF you work on yourself to be the person he met, work to be the best version of yourself he is going to see positive changes and regret ending things with you

  8. Nicole

    June 26, 2020 at 7:24 am

    Hi, I am just about to start the LNC rule. However we have been doing long distance for majority of our relationship and since the birth of your daughter. I ended the relationship after finding out from a friend that my baby daddy was at the beaching cuddling up with another, noted that I reacted as crazy woman and called his phone numerous times until he picked up, after picking up I told him I was going to put him on child support, change our baby last name and that he would never see her again. I said those stuff out of anger, love and frustration. No to mentioned I had to call his mom and sister to vent in order to call my panic attack. However before all of this started I was becoming overwhelmed with being in another country and doing parenting alone, having to missed work and school because the baby was sick, or having to find daycare so I could work and attend school. I started pushing him away and treated him badly when he comes to visit us as nothing change he does not try to help me while he was here just added meaning he believes I was to go to work, then school and then come home to cook and cater to him and the baby. I literally lost my cool and kick him off the bed and wouldn’t talk or touch him. However we have been trying to make it work but after the Incident of finding out about the cuddling on the beach. He said I broke up with him and that he is emotionally drained and needs a break from the relationship. We contact to speak with his toddler, I set out time frames for him to call which he misses and call whenever. I eventually told him that this is the time frame as I’m no longer obligated to receive calls any hour of the night. I do want my baby daddy as I do believe my actions of treating him badly and pushing him away, lead to this point. I truly need help I have been begging him to come back, that’s when I started researching and round this website and hoping it will work if I follow the guidelines.

  9. Sam

    June 19, 2020 at 5:29 pm

    So my husband of 9 years left 7 months ago. At the time he refused to discuss us or any to do with the breakup. He was only interested in the children and sorting money. He hasnt changed alot of our bills into my name after I have asked him to do so. He cut off contact with my 3 older children and only has contact with our son together. For obvious reasons I have struggled with this as he was a very big part of their lives and he has walked away from them. Until recently I was very active on social media and he has kept me on their even joining Instagram but hasn’t requested to follow me which is fine. Now in the last 2 months, I have limited the posts I have posted, changed my name and changed the privacy settings on alot of stuff on there. I also went into a limited no contact and have only replied to messages about our son only. In the last 3 weeks, he has messaged me over things he hasnt needed too, insisted on talking to me face to face and has been bringing up our breakup after he refused to 7 months ago. He has told me during an argument that he hates me but cares about me and has been using mutual friends to check up on me. He in now insisting that he wants to talk about everything including money, health and the children this week all since I went radio silent on social media and refuse to talk to him about anything other than our son. Why?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 18, 2020 at 12:08 am

      Hey Sam, so the fact you are choosing to give less information about what is going on in your life he has noticed so he would possibly be worried that you are putting your attention into someone or something else. However, if you want to get back together then you need to keep following the program as explained, there are articles on here that talk you through how to work the program when you share children and bills. It does sound as if you have his attention now, or he is assuming that you are not as emotional as you once were.

  10. Sarah

    June 8, 2020 at 12:38 am

    Hi, I’m on day 7 of LNC and I’m really struggling. We were together 10 years and share a daughter together. We split up about 3 months ago and about 2 weeks ago he was telling me he had missed me the whole time and wanted to come home. Anyway we were getting on great and then out of the blue he said he was done again and realization had kicked in of why we didn’t work in the first place. I’ve been so upset and didnt want to go back to the hellish three months ago of arguing since doing LNC its been hard at times effected my sleep. The thing I’m struggling with is overthinking wen he comes to get our daughter about how invisible he makes me feel. It’s almost as like I’m counting the minutes for him to crack and then panic wen he doesnt. My focus is all over. One thing I am glad about is how independent I really am. As much as I know it’s over I have waves of memories that take me off course. And am I really going to get threw this LNC and come out the other side feeling better????

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 13, 2020 at 11:05 pm

      Hi Sarah, if you are working on yourself and focusing in your daughter and yourself then yes you will come out of the NC feeling better, but you must be sure that you are not fixating on your ex during this time. Read about the Holy Trinity and the Ungettable so that you end up coming out of this break up as the best version of yourself

  11. Star

    May 20, 2020 at 10:12 pm

    I want to follow the limit encounter and less doing stuff for him. And just talk to him about the baby. But sad to say I still continue doing the stuff for him like making the food and washing the clothes because we still together because of the lockdown . I want to see if how he feels like I stop doing things for him but makes me feel conscience if he do it on his own because since then I do everything for him and knowing we live at my place he don’t have family here and he don’t speak the language so I do everything he is british while I’m filipina he has depression and anxiety and knowing that I want him back and still care for him. For now he has chatting someone new online and they plan to meet after lockdown. I’m out of idea how to handle the situation

  12. Hilena Bayne

    April 14, 2020 at 7:16 am

    I would like to try using done of the methods you’ve suggested and see if it helps in my situation. However I think I’ll find it a bit difficult as my daughters dad and I have a great relationship and always on backing each other when it comes to parenting. The down side is we still keep sleeping with each other from time to time and it leaves me feeling frustrated, angry and sad all at the same time!! As he keeps saying he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me but is happy to sleep with me!! That’s really confusing me but I just can’t seem to shift my feelings for him!! Fortunately I’ve never let my feelings get in the way of doing what’s right by our girl and she’s 4.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 14, 2020 at 8:41 am

      Hi Hilena, so when we are doing the NC with an ex with children, we follow the rules of Limited NC. So you can talk to him about your child if, lets say, she got poorly or hurt. Or if he sends a text asking how she is, telling you when he is coming around to see her etc. That’s all fine, but you do not stick around him, remove yourself from their company when he is with her, reply to the fact she is doing well and end the conversation do not reply to anything else. Definitely stop sleeping with him while you are broken up too. He’s getting the best of both worlds and that wont stop when he knows you are going to allow it

  13. Lola jane

    April 9, 2020 at 6:16 pm

    Currently in radio silence with my ex I have only spoke to him with regards to the children! He keeps adding extra bits into his messages trying to engage in conversation it gets some extra response out of me (not about children) but I don’t acknowledge it. If he messages asking what have the children been up to today (with me) should I message him back to tell him is what me and the kids get up to without him here actually any of his business anymore?? Help!! X

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 9:13 pm

      Hi Lola, as you share children you need to follow the Limited no contact and remain as civil as you can. As for telling him what you and the children are doing – I not tell him what the children are doing during your LNC but when you are in the texting phase yes I would tell him what you are doing as a family so that he feels he is missing out on time with them and you. Work on the Holy Trinity for yourself during this time too.

  14. Rayray

    February 22, 2020 at 4:22 am

    Hey Guys some help would be appreciated my ex of 13 years about 5 years ago we were having our baby I was affraid financially we would be unable to survive she was working p/t & I was working&college we were already struggling to make ends meet. her mom promised her that she would help her with everything. I was affraid& moved to.my parents but never told her we were done not until about 6 months before our daughter was born. I found out she had started talking to a new guy she had met at her work. I wasn’t sure if she was telling me the truth about when she met the guy. We lived in the same house until our daughter was born&she moved with in with her mom. I bought her a car so she could get around. about 6 months later she was very unhappy living with her mom&brother& I told her to move out &ill take care of things.for the next 3 year’s I worked full time stopped going to college to take care of the bills. she kept saying the guy from before was just helping her&she had no feelings for him& I was all that matter. A Few times I found out she had gone out with him on our birthdays and it’s only couple days apart. I was very upset said mean things to her & said if she wants to play house with this guy then they can move in a house together&we can split my daughters time together. 2 years ago we decided to give things another chance she was nice at first but I had feeling she was having this guy over after I left everynight so I took her on a vacation we came back we were getting closer& new year Eve she was cold to.me & I went to the house long behold the guy was there and she was upset that I went there and I gave her ultimatum she said it was over. When I tell her to move out she says I’m pushing her over to the guy when I want to spend time with her work on things she says it’s too late now but when I don’t contact her she wants to make plans and spend time with our daughter but won’t let us figure out timing with my daughter so she can move on with her life and j can do the same things with mine. It seems as she wants me to be around to take care of things financially since she says the other guy is kid and not a grown up but when we have an argument she says she hates me and she can’t believe how she wasted the past 5 years not moving out with someone that was helping her raising our daughter I completely don’t understand what is she looking for whether she wants to actually move on with her life or not I love her and I don’t want her to beforced into making a decision that she doesn’t want to make but she is giving me less and less of choice as she wants me to be okay with her just calling me and wanting me to just show up but if I do that I’m forcing myself and my time on them and that she needs to.move on and start her life I told her multiple times I want to figure things out and make a happy family for our daughter but the answer I got was I’ve made too many mistakes and it’s too late now. Please give me some advice. Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 3, 2020 at 9:18 pm

      Hi Ray it sounds as if she is using you financially, so I would make sure that you take care of your daughter not her. So do not pay her bills etc that’s her position. You pay something called child maintenance which is supposed to be to feed and clothe the child. If she has no secure home if you stop providing so much to her then you are able to take your daughter on full time.

  15. Nicola

    February 3, 2020 at 2:24 pm

    So I broke up with my ex 7 months ago, we stayed friends and even though we knew it wssnt going to work I believed we were in a good place. He was asking me to go on trips weeks ago. All of a sudden he started being weird and I confronted him asking If there was someone else, he told me there was. Thay he has been talking to a girl for a few weeks but doesnt know how he feels about it. After a huge fight in front of the kids where we both called each other awful things he told me he will never be with me ever again. Even days later and he is saying the same. Says he cant forgive me and that he doesnt even wanna talk to me. Of course I’m heartbroken, our daughter is only 1. He has 2 other kids and I have another 1. I know to give space but I find it so hard. I feel I’m just pushing him into this other girls arms. Do I need to accept its over for good or that hes just hurt right now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 11, 2020 at 11:43 pm

      Hey Nicola, I wouldnt say that you have to accept it is over, you have to read and follow the being there method information and the Ungettable information. Right now he is upset and hurt about that argument and then how you were name calling. The thing with the new woman is going to be more appealing as it takes owrk to make a long term relationship work. But giving that you do the Ungettable girl and the being there method work properly youll being to make the new woman feel intimidated. Also dont rule out casually dating either

  16. Tommy

    January 24, 2020 at 7:43 pm

    Hey guys in was with my girlfriend for 2 years and we have a 1 year old son and we broke up just before xmas and she said that I pushed her away buy nit being the best dad and not a good boyfriend either and I’ve taken all that into account and I’ve changed how I am with my son majorly and in nit sure if just being friends with her will help does anyone have any advice to help me reconnect she said she doesn’t feel like she used too HELP!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 25, 2020 at 10:37 pm

      Hey Tommy, so its good you have learnt your lesson and being a good dad. As a mother I suggest you stick to being consistent with your child and maintain a friendship with your ex where you flirt and see what sort of response you get from her. Start texting phase and attracting her again showing you are who she wanted you to be the first time around

  17. Sarah

    January 13, 2020 at 2:12 pm

    We dated on and off for five years and when I found out I was pregnant he had just left me and he had moved out into his own place was already starting to date. I was devasted and spent most of my pregnancy alone. He came around towards the end and wanted to be involved, so I let him. My parents helped me buy a house and I let him move in- he offered to help split the bills. Two months after our son was born, my father committed suicide in front of my mother and my whole family shattered. I fell into a deep depression and clung to the baby as a distraction from the harsh reality. My mom had to relocate to be with her family and was 2,000 miles away leaving me with no family in the state. A month later, he proposed and his family began pressuring me to plan this wedding. I was stressed and depressed grieving and juggling taking care of the baby all the time and little support from him the last thing I wanted to do was plan a big wedding. After a heated argument about finances and being burnt out from him never being there or caring he threatened to take my baby from me and allow his mother to raise him as his family did with his brothers child. His family is extremely wealthy and I was scared. I packed up the baby and left to be with my mom 2,000 miles away. My mom welcomed us open armed and we are surrounded by family. I got a job at a daycare the baby comes to with me, found my own place to rent, and I have established myself here. I know it wasn’t right but I cut off communication with him for 2 months. He hired 2 big wig attorneys and we entered a nasty custody battle about 3 months after leaving him. We are halfway through the process and our son is now 20 months old and being forced to travel back and forth by plane once a month for 5 days of parenting time with his dad- or grandma who is playing house with my baby. It has been so expensive and emotionally draining going through this process. I am so sad my son will have to live his life in an airport and that eventually go for longer periods of time. I recently initiated contact with his dad apologizing for how it all happened and asking him if there’s anyway to fix our relationship and be a family for the babys sake. He said so much damage is done, his family hates me, and he needs space. He said he doesn’t want another man raising his son but isn’t willing to be in a relationship with me after what I did. He asked me to move back, but just for him to have more time with the baby not to be together. I have no support there which is why I left in the first place. My heart hurts at the pain I caused and I am torn on what I should do. Do I continue trying to fix the relationship that’s in ruins during this custody battle or do I respect his request for space and leave it alone? I was hoping he would want his family back and would do whatever it took to get us back and that just doesn’t seem to be the case.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 10:07 pm

      Hey Sarah, so you need to do something called limited no contact where you only speak during your custody case and when you need to about the child. If you want to get your ex back then you are going to have to try and control your emotions and deal with this situation as controlled as you can.

  18. Em

    December 17, 2019 at 4:40 am

    My ex and I broke up almost a full year ago. We share a young child together but when we split up, he moved out and moved back to his home state. It was a crazy impulsive break up but he kind of made everything impossible by moving so far. We had communication issues throughout our relationship but now they’ve become worse and worse. In the last year he has blocked me multiple times, he’s been really hot and cold with me, he’s had a couple of flings, I’ve stayed completely single and focused on him and on raising our son. Being totally honest.. I have done a really shitty job of playing it cool with him and not letting my emotions take over. I’ve acted like a psycho a few times but he’s always come back around to me. I last saw him in September at our sons birthday party and he came in town for a week to visit. During the week he stayed with us and acted as if we never split. Telling me he loved me and never wanted to leave, that he wanted to make things work and he wanted to move back to be with us when/if he could figure out transferring his work here. Well one night I got upset with him and over did it with calling and texting and he blocked me. That was end of October. Now 2 months later…. he has a girlfriend and will not speak to me. He has emailed a few times regarding our son but that’s it he says he wants nothing to do with me. My question is… what do I do now? I know to go no contact, which I did 2 weeks but then broke it and now have been NC a week so far. Or “limited” contact since we share a child. But how do I get him to notice me again? How do I get him interested in me and how do I pull him closer and want to talk to me again after the NC period if he’s got a girlfriend and if we never see eachother bc we live in different states? I’m at a total loss but this guy is my HEART and soul. Love him like no other please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 22, 2019 at 10:38 am

      Hi Em, so you need to read about how to get an ex back who is long distance and apply that to your situation. You KNOW you will see him again because you share a child so during the time he is not around you have that time to work on yourself and your emotional control specifically. Keep to no contact and allow him to reach out to you about your child. It would also benefit you to do the being there method or read about it, ready for when he next comes down as the new girlfriend is going to be worried about you when he comes to visit your son

  19. Jac

    December 9, 2019 at 1:58 pm


    The father of my 2 children (8 & 3) left me 6 weeks ago after 11 years.
    We were really young when we met (17). He says we have drifted apart and are different people now. He’s angry that I didn’t do anything for our relationship in terms of going away with him alone, ‘date nights’. He did used to try and I would make an excuse about my youngest (she was a very difficult baby up multiple times a night, and also I had separation anxiety/depression). He said hes been feeling this way for a few years and I knew this yet I still didn’t put the effort in.

    Hes currently staying at his mothers house and I am in our home with the children. He still comes over a lot to put the girls to bed after work and takes them out on the weekends. I spent the first 5 weeks begging and crying to him to come back. He also told me along this time he was unsure about what to do but I just haven’t given him any space (which I now realise) but he also said he doesn’t think we have a future together. Im worried this has gone too far now. I am really struggling with the fact Christmas is around the corner too and we have lots of plans coming up.

    I want him back and I was our family back together. I’m not sure where to go from here?
    As I said before things were looking up a bit, then he freaked out again. We haven’t had the perfect relationship but I want to make this work.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 9, 2019 at 7:36 pm

      Hi Jac this is tough as your ex feels like you didn’t care about the relationship. When we become parents we fall into a pattern of being “Mam and Dad” and stop being partners. So it is not your fault that you got separation anxiety, but you should have been given some help to deal with that. Its tough going being married and keeping the relationship alive and being full time parent too. Especially with ones who do not sleep over night (I know that feeling well)

      Your ex asking for space, you need to respect that and give it to him as he needs to miss you. Even though he says he doesn’t see a future he has invested 11 years into you so the words are just how he is feeling things are at this time. The past memories you share is going to over take that when he has had some time to think. Some SPACE. So make sure you keep to a limited no contact, and when he does have your children you have time to show him you are working on becoming the person you were before you had children the person who used to go out on date nights and have fun with him

  20. Domenic

    November 24, 2019 at 7:42 pm

    When is it time to give up?

    My (28m) ex gf (25f) have been separated for over 8 months.

    We share a daughter who’s our life. And we have a good bond as co parents, and friends.

    She moved on very quick. I understand now, she fell in love. It happens. She’s been seeing this guy for 6 month. He’s met my daughter, I’ve met him, he seems cool and I’m happy for her.

    We split because she was tired of waiting for me to change. After the birth of our daughter 4 year ago, I lost my way. I guess life felt to much and I forgot about her. I strayed a few times. There was a lot of lies. It was emotionally toxic for both of us for a couple years.

    Anyways, and this is a shock to me too, but I genuinely have changed. Like, I just seemed to stop wanting to do the things that was destroying my relationship. I spent my entire 20’s with this girl, and now I’m like ok, nearly 30 let’s be serious and focus.

    She’s noticed this. Says it’s frustrating I seem to be changing now.

    Anyways she’s happy! And I’m not ready to invest in someone new yet. Like unless someone walks into my life and wows me. No one knows for sure.

    Look, this girl still confides in me. Things she’s upset about, things she won’t talk to her boyfriend about right away. She said she’s grieving the loss of her family atm ( me).
    I’m not shocked, she moved on very quickly and I was left to really think about my life and decisions. It was a horrible 6 or so months, but I got there and it’s grown me massively while she was having so much fun. I felt like I didn’t matter to her at all. But I understand this to, my actions over the years made her feel the same.

    I love this girl deeply. I always will I think. Everyone has that one person they hurt and wish they could start a fresh. Well she’s mine.
    We had something amazing. She knows this also. But enough was enough, I would have never changed without growing alone.

    There is a bond there, deeper than our daughter. She knows this too. But timing is everything and I failed her the first time around.

    When do I give up? Like I’m not Pursuing her. But she knows how I feel. And it’s not hindering my life much by still wanting her. It’s just I’m scared to not want her anymore and that might happen when I meet someone.
    I genuinely feel like we are meant to be.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2019 at 9:37 pm

      Hi Domenic, so even though she knows how you feel youve said you’re not actively pursuing her. The decision you need to make, is do you go for it and risk her rejecting you, or move on. The fear of not wanting her anymore may not go for a long time, and it would probably take you meeting and growing to love a new girl to make it go away. She got with her new boyfriend fairly quickly and it is still in a rebound stage (once it goes over 8months) it can begin to be a serious relationship. The advantage you have with her is history and sharing a daughter. So if you wanted to get her back you could try and use that as opportunities to get her back, but make sure you are doing it because you have changed and want to be a family and serious not just because you dont want her to be with someone else.

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