How Long Will It Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?- The Three Timelines

733 thoughts on “This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Anna

September 30, 2017 at 8:17 pm

Helloooo, okay so, basically… After we broke up( about 2 months ago), we basically didn’t talk at all. after about 2 weeks, I texted him. Basically, we agreed that we should start at least saying hi at school every now and then. After that I would really only text him every now and then. At one point, I straight up said ” I want things back the way they were, can we start talking again”, he said yea, however, we never started. I did “pour out my feeling” eventually, and it didn’t go bad but it didn’t go well either. He basically said he doesn’t have time to be in a relationship. So I left it at that. After awhile, we had made plans(we BOTH) agreed to hang out after school, but things happened, and we both had to cancel. But then when my friend asked if he seen potential with me, he said no…? Basically after that, I stopped texting, stop trying, and its been about 2 weeks or so since I’ve contacted him in any way. Why do you think he was being so hot and cold? Do you think there’s still a chance?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 30, 2017 at 10:26 pm

Hi Anna,

Probably because he’s still adjusting out of the habit of talking to you.. You can follow the advice on this one:
Check this one:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

Toya

September 25, 2017 at 3:07 am

So the best way in the first stage is no contact. If they need to say anything they will contact you first.?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 28, 2017 at 8:12 pm

HI Toya,

Sorry, I didn’t understand your question. If your ex needs something, yes, he’ll probably contact you..

Ashley

August 22, 2017 at 12:10 pm

So I started no contact with a guy who went back to his ex girlfriend six weeks ago. Other than him wishing me a happy birthday in the middle of it and me responding with a thanks, we have had no contact. He had wanted to be friends with me and said you never know it’s possible it doesn’t work out with her and we wind up together but it’s unlikely. He felt he needed to try to make it work with her because they have kids together. He’s been back and forth between her and me for years. So I cut him off and said I didn’t want to be friends only and said if he changes his mind to let me know and went into no contact. I have been improving myself but posting doesn’t matter because he doesn’t do social media. So he doesn’t see it. I don’t want to get friend zoned or allow him to keep going back and forth like this between us. I’m not sure what to do? Do I follow the program and reach out to him at some point and be friends and build rapport like the program says? Or just continue no contact unless he contacts me and says something has changed?

Ashley

August 27, 2017 at 9:14 pm

Ok well it’s been almost 7 weeks at this point. I told him not to contact me unless something changes with how he feels about us and this entire situation. I’ve heard nothing other than the bday greeting. So you’d just try to move on? Do you think he’ll ever reach out again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2017 at 6:57 pm

yes, I would move on.. He probably will, but if he does, let him initiate more, let him invest more rather than you investing more on him.
Ashley

August 27, 2017 at 2:33 am

Okay great. I agree. What do you think a good time limit would be based on your experience and this situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2017 at 1:52 pm

probably 1 to 1 1/2 month.
Ashley

August 25, 2017 at 10:35 am

I did read the article. I did apply the being there method and trying to steal her shine already. And it did work and got him back. But he’d just go back again to her. And it keeps going back and forth like this. That’s why I cut him off and go into no contact. So I’m not sure if I should even follow any of that stuff anymore. So personally you’d not talk to him or reach out at all (I’m 6 weeks no contact at this point) unless he reaches out and something has changed with him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 26, 2017 at 12:26 pm

if I were you yes, I wouldn’t initiate anymore. He has to do all the effort and you have to set a limit on until you would wait for him to initiate. So, you can move on after that.
Ashley

August 23, 2017 at 11:36 am

But does anything change because he’s with someone else? And kept going back and forth between us? I don’t want to be the side thing or the support that keeps that relationship going. I also don’t want to be friend zoned. Can you advise?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 24, 2017 at 10:14 pm

Oh sorry, I assumed you were referring to the advice in the link below.. It does change a little bit if he’s with someone else. Follow the advice on the link below. If you don’t want to, I still advise to set a limit on until when you would wait for him to initiate. Honestly, if I was in your case, I wouldn’t even talk to him at all. But I’m not in your case, so the best approach is the advice on this one:
How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 10:21 pm

you should follow it, if you don’t want to, set a limit on until when you would wait before moving on.

Appu

August 21, 2017 at 6:16 am

I am 23, a film student. And he is 26, a 4th year medical student. We dated for 8 months, he broke up with me 11 days ago. We had a great connection and chemistry like no one else in my life and he also told me he never had such a connection with anyone else. We barely had a fights except for very civil arguments. We respected each other, and gave each other a lot of love. As 6 months past and he had to take his fourth year medical exam, things got tougher for him and I recently graduated so I had a lot more time. We did hangout a lot, in which ever way his schedule could fit me while I was applying to jobs and such. After my graduation, when we were at the height of our love, he told his mother, and she was very much against us because of their religion and community (I am Indian, born Hindu and he’s american with indian origin, catholic). After the exam he went on a trip with his parents, and they didn’t talk about us much. When he came back I told him I might go to LA. And he was very supportive in the beginning. We discussed our uncertainty in career plans before and we both decided we are completely okay with it and deal with them together.

2 days later, he wanted to break up with me. This came out of no where. After a lot of talking he said he was too stressed and he doesn’t want to chose between me and his family. His dad called, and my boyfriend explained everything and the dad was supportive. He came to me after the call, crying, saying he wants to work on everything and really wants to give this a shot. I told him I will only be with him if it was 100 percent sure, and he said yes. During our discussion of break up, he said he needed space and sometimes feel smothered, so I asked him to be honest and take as much space as he wants. But, he asked to live with him for 3 weeks. And I said thats not a good idea, but he said he wants me to, and I did. It was a great time, we had a lot of talks and quality time and shared a lot of feelings. Then I had to go to Amazon, Peru for a documentary (my first job offer) A week before leaving, he said he loves me more than ever, and he will support me, we will figure out life’s problems as they come, but always wants to be with me.

I came back from the Amazon, and it was great, one the first day he took my hand said, “it’s good to have you back”. The next two days I stayed with him, he was being very goofy and annoying me and pushing my buttons. I came back to the city where we live 2 hours away, from the city his was doing his one month internship. That week, his texting wasn’t great and Facetime felt like he was just doing it for the sake of it. Laughing and everything but not really into it. He planned to spend that weekend one night with me and one night with his family, so he came to the city I live, he came very late, like few hours late, in basket ball shorts, didn’t even kiss me when i got in the car. I was a little upset so I was short with him. When we reached his house he said he wanted to break up again. He said it in the harshest way possible, which is not at all like him. He said I wasn’t the girl we wanted to marry and it’s better if we break up now. I couldn’t cry, I was in shock, he didn’t even want to go inside the house. After a while we did, and he said all things that were wrong the relationship, like he didn’t feel like texting me sometimes and therefore he doesn’t love me as much. And he feels smothered by everything and he kept saying there’s no future. No matter what I said he said wouldn’t change his decision, he was adamant and wasn’t willing to listen to me.

Recently, he came to know about the birthday surprise I was planning for him. I was collecting videos to give him a surprise of all his cousins and friends through a one of our mutual friend but, his best friend called him and told him about this while I was in Amazon. Apparently this pushed him to think about us harder, and make a decision. And he thought it was too grand of a gesture for an 8 month relationship. (While he made an entire book about me, 4 months into it) I wanted to end it on a good note, and so asked him to take me the place of our first date, under a bridge. He was adamant in the beginning but went. and he sat with me, we calmed down, said we had some good times, but he want’s to move on. Hugged me twice and left.

I respect him and love him a lot, really want him because we never had any real issues, and it was beautiful true times we spent together. Should I even wait for him? We both are career oriented, and stressed, but a little understand and a bit compromise can make this relationship beautiful. Is there hope? Would love to hear some views.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2017 at 9:35 pm

HI Appu,

It looks like he thinks you’re clingy, because he consistently says you’re smothering him. Check this one:
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

In need of help

July 13, 2017 at 10:22 am

Good morning,

I tried to post a few days ago, but I’m not sure it worked, so I’m trying again.

My boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me on January 20th after an argument, which to me was more a miscommunication and his own insecurities surfacing. He also cited that our relationship was “volatile” and “painful” for him… I didn’t see where it was volatile (typical new relationship tiffs that were quickly resolved), and the whole time he told me how amazing I made him feel, and I was the first person he was with that ever made him see being a father and husband as a real possibility. He’s honestly the only man I’ve ever trusted, despite him claiming I was “suspicious” of him all the time… I wasn’t. I just wanted to know why he wasn’t letting me meet more of his friends, particularly the females – what/who was important to him, was also important to me. This was actually the last argument we had before he broke up (within less than 24 hours of the argument). Before he left my apartment he said “if only we met a year later, ” which has unfortunately left me with a sense of hope. I don’t know if it was that, but I had the sense when he left that this wasn’t over between us… obviously that feeling has been significantly drown out by fear since then.

Anyway, he told me then that he was going off of social media because it was “too painful” to see pictures and posts of me. He did go off, but I found out a few days later that he also blocked me on everything, including phone and email. (I only sent a few texts the morning after the breakup, one of which he responded to, then he stopped responding so I stopped texting). I left a vm for him to return my stuff a few days after the breakup, because I was honestly a little freaked out by the sudden blocking (also included his best friend blocking me on Facebook, and his sister on instagram).

I left him alone until 3 weeks later. I mailed a letter apologizing for what I felt I did wrong in the relationship, let him know how important he was to me, and that I wanted things to work with us. I told him I was working on myself, to be better for both of us. (I’ve stuck by that — I’m in therapy, and I haven’t drank in 5 months.) I heard absolutely nothing. At that point he did reactivate his instagram account, deleted pictures and tags of me, and refollowed a girl he was previously seeing before me that was causing an issue for me in the beginning of our relationship so he unfollowed her at the time without me asking.

One month later I sent him a card just saying I was thinking of him, and added a little reference/joke as a reminder of the summer we spent together. He then reactivated his Facebook account, but still nothing from him.

Fast forward two months to a local festival where I saw him. I don’t think he knew I saw him, but I made sure he saw me. His reaction was to run away into the crowd. I know this because I saw his best friend standing there looking around for him, really confused. Within a week he had a tinder profile made starting he is “looking for a first mate” (he called me a great first mate in my birthday card last year) and used emojis that were very specific to our summer together. Talk about a stab in the heart.

Moving forward another month, ie last month, I got tired and missed him like crazy. I called from my work number and left a vm simply saying “I miss you.” Didn’t hear back, but he has his instagram linked to his tinder page (strange given all of his social media is locked down like Fort Knox). I saw that he took a screen shot of a picture he took while we were together, poorly cropped it, and reposted it on instagram. The picture has since been deleted, along with a couple other new ones of random lake pictures where he has his boat. Honestly, it seems to me that any type of contact from me has resulted in some type of weird emotional response, but maybe I’m reading into it.

Last week my friend, and someone my ex highly respected, asked me out of the blue if she could send him a message on Facebook. She said someone should make him aware of how I still feel about him (I truly feel this is the man I want to spend my life with), and how much progress I’ve made in bettering myself. I told her to go ahead, but I didn’t want to know what she wrote because I wanted to be able to honestly say I don’t know what she said to him. At least as of yesterday he still hasn’t opened the message.

At this point I don’t think he’s with someone, given he’s still on tinder (although he’s deactivated twice… interestingly he’s not on Bumble which suposedly has better, more reliable female options in our area… too insecure?). He’s clearly looking, though. Still, after all of this, and coming up on 6 months apart, I have not stopped loving him, and I want him back. I haven’t dated anyone. I tried tinder for about a week, and had to get off of it because I just couldn’t stand the thought of talking to another guy. I did match with the ex’s best friend, which took me by surprise. I assume he just didn’t recognize me, as I’ve lost a lot of weight due to this breakup, although my friend says I look exactly the same. My only intent was to reach out to the friend to let him know I still care about my ex.

So what do I do? I feel like this is a hopeless situation. My friend insists she thinks he’ll come back around at some point, but I’m not convinced of that at all. My pattern is I prep every guy for “the one” and that’s who they end up with after (or even while) they’re with me. I’m scared that will be the case again here. I love him. I truly, truly love him. I loved his family, and they loved me. I’m also nervous about what he may be telling evince about me – that I’m crazy (he told me the last two girls he was with were crazy), that I didn’t allow him to be with his friends (I always asked him to invite his friends with us, and encouraged him to maintain his friendships while we were together… he made his own choices not to), etc.

Sorry this is so lengthy. I figured more detail gives you a better idea in how to direct/assist me. I appreciate your time, and very much look forward to your help.

In Need of Help

July 14, 2017 at 10:51 am

Having a bad day, Amor?

The only intentional contact from me was within the first 3 weeks – a letter of apology, letting him know what he meant to me, with no response; so, I did NC for 30+ days before a simple card saying I was thinking of him, with no response; after another 3+ months of NC, in a moment of weakness, a call to say I missed him.

My friend was going to send her message anyway. She wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be mad, hence asking me first. I don’t know what was said other than she made it clear that I didn’t ask him to do it, and informed him of everything I’ve been doing to work on myself, including, but not limited to, being sober, going to therapy to work on my own fears, insecurities, self esteem (thanks for the blow, btw), etc. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t an outright push for him to be with me, but simply saying “you/she had these issues, hey, she’s really trying.”

As a result of this, I have little to no chance at 6 months post-breakup (still the medium timeline), and you’re basically telling me to move on. At least that’s the feel I’m getting from your “advice” … much appreciated help and guidance.

Take care.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 7:16 pm

Oh sorry, wrong timeline from me.. But it’s still the wrong kind of messages to send as initial contact.. He has to think you’ve moved on.. If you always say you miss him, and if he doesn’t want to get back with you, he will not reply to you so that you wont chase and expect. Friends telling him that you’ve improved too when he’s not even asking, also looks like they’re trying to convince him to get back with you, which can annoy him because it looks like they’re ganging up on him and worse if he thinks you asked them to help you..

That’s why you need to change and improve first..to the point that you have your own life and getting him back is just an option, not a necessity.. Because that exudes desperation which in turn makes you do desperate things.. Think of him as a stranger that doesn’t want you, how are you going to make him be interested and attracted to you? Think of the actions that supports that kind of situation. It means you will take it slow.. You will just be friendly at first.. Dont ask if you can be friends..just be friendly but put yourself first.. If you’re emotional that’s not a good position to start building rapport.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2017 at 8:12 am

I’m pretty sure he knows what you feel because of the messages you sent that you think of him or miss him almost every month..honestly, that’s chasing and it’s not attractive.. It’s a small chance because of those repeated wrong type of initial messages.. For me,change to the point that’s you already have your own life and it’s ok if you don’t get him back before slowly building rapport or move on..

Louise

June 22, 2017 at 9:31 pm

Hi Amor,

my ex & i just broke up 23 days ago. It was a mutual decision but he initiated the breakup. We were in a long distance relationship longer than we were actually together. He wanted to stay in contact as he said that he will always care for me because im his bestfriend, but I’ve asked for space to digest what happened and now on NC day 18. He hasn’t made attempts of reaching out to me in anyway. How long should I do NC? Should I wait for him to contact me first or do I initiate contact after 30 or 45 days of NC? Thank you so much Amor.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 23, 2017 at 9:28 pm

If you weren’t active in improving yourself and in posting in the past days, restart the count and do 30 days.. If you are, initiate contact after 30 days. 🙂

Natalie

June 10, 2017 at 5:39 pm

Hi Amor! Its been 2 weeks since I last wrote anything.. so I wanted to tell you that my ex just unfollowed me from instagram exactly 6 months later.. but just yesterday I noticed that he posted something which had written ‘if its meant to be yours, it will eventually be yours’.. I really dont get it why he put that or for whom..
Could you please tell me the reason why he unfollowed me after 6 months?
And why he post something written like that?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 13, 2017 at 4:06 pm

We cant assume that the post is for you because it’s too general..and it only causes you to worry

Eile

June 7, 2017 at 4:29 pm

Hi, I just broke up with my bf of 2 years…Our relationship was like fairytale. we were talking about marriage for a while. Our compatibility was amazing. During the breakup,
He told me from a few months ago, he felt his passion for me was almost gone, because being together for so long. And his love for me was ‘running low’. Right at that time, he’d rather focus more on work than working on the relationship with me. By then, he met a girl, who had a lot in common with him, he fell for her in no time. But later when he was trying to figure out how to deal with me, his feelings for that girl got shifted, and now even after the breakup, the feelings are just close to good friends. Apart from his feelings towards that girl, he had never slept with her…He said, that girl was a ‘wake-up call’ ..He said during the past 10 years, he was always with someone, without time to figure out what kind of relationship, love life he really wants. Now he is single, alone, totally focusing on work and figuring out what he really wants. He said I can still contact him, he will reply. He said, there’s still part of his heart, loving me. But now he’s still on the guilt trip…because he broke all the promises he made to me. And he realized he has commitment issue, and thinking about seeing a counselor.
He is a very very honest man, with high-standard morality. I’m not sure if you guys can help me much……But thank you in advance…

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 9, 2017 at 4:27 pm

HI Eile,

check this one:”
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

Natasha

May 25, 2017 at 7:15 pm

Hi Amor..
I am really confused and want to know some answers if you could help me please..
I was in a relationship with my ex for 3 and half years and it was pretty good but their were some complications as well but they dint really matter until the last few months of breakup..
Its been 6 months since our breakup..
We are on NC since the breakup…
We both havent even tried to contact each other..
But he posts a lot and I mean a lot on instagram.. but its gotten a little less since 2 weeks now.. once he even posted that he is gonna get married in december..
His friends still contact me sometimes and ask about my well being..
And I dont know why but each and everytime his friends try and bring up his name and starts telling me about what he is doing and stuff.. one of his friends even told me his getting married and than some days later he was like now he is refusing and stuff..
But once he bad mouthed about me a lot infront of his friend whom I dint know but later on I came to know her..
So I want to know whats on his mind?
Does he still love me or not?
Why does he post so much?
How often should I post?
And why did he post about getting married?
Please answer my questions..
Thank you.. God bless you

Natasha

June 9, 2017 at 5:19 pm

Hi Amor! Its been 2 weeks since I last wrote anything.. so I wanted to tell you that my ex just unfollowed me from instagram exactly 6 months later.. but just yesterday I noticed that he posted something which had written ‘if its meant to be yours, it will eventually be yours’.. I really dont get it why he put that or for whom..
Could you please tell me the reason why he unfollowed me after 6 months?
And why he post something written like that?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 13, 2017 at 4:07 pm

We cant assume that the post is for you because it’s too general..and it only causes you to worry
Natasha

May 27, 2017 at 5:56 pm

Alright I will post that much.. I have improved quite much like realised my worth and kinda stuff like that have become a bit strong as well.. but I actually dont want to approach him I want him to initiate.. will he come back or initiate anything??
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 29, 2017 at 5:00 pm

I cant promise you that..the best you can do is set a limit until when you would for him initiate, if you really dont want to before moving on
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2017 at 2:42 pm

ok, let’s say he misses you and gets information about you through his friends.. but 6 months is just long.. it would be better to approach it like he has moved on and just being curious.. if you want to rebuild rapport, the question is how much have you improved? because if you didn’t, you need to do that first.. post at least 3 times a week.. and then after 30 days, initiate contact and slowly rebuild rapport.

Natasha

May 22, 2017 at 7:10 am

Hi Amor, Hope you are well!
I have a lot of questions if you could please help me out. I was in a serious relationship with my ex for 3 and half years and we were talking about marriage.. but then just before 6 months he broke up with me.. actually he told me that he wouldnt marry me and wanted to breakup but I refused then 2 days later I told him that I give up and since then we are on NC!
Neither of us has tried to innitiate..
But I dont know why but he used to upload a loooot and I mean a lot on instagram.. once he even posted that he would be getting married in december, he posted constantly but since 2 weeks he hasnt uploaded anything at all!!
His friends still contact me sometimes!
Just before 2 months one of his friends messaged me saying he would be getting married in december and he is the one who told his friend and I was once again heartbroken but oh well its part of life I guesss!!
Then his other friend who I never knew messaged me and became friends with me too.. and then days later that friend told me that he had talked a lot of shit about me like I was too immature stubborn and stuff like that..
And yeah thats it we havent contacted since 6 months..
Can you please me and tell me what all this posting a lot and stuff means??
Should I post a lot too??
Does he still love me or not??
Will he come back or message me only??
Why is he telling people his gonna get married?
Please help me!
God bless you! Thank you Amor!!

Natasha

June 9, 2017 at 10:12 am

Hi Amor! Its been 2 weeks since I last wrote anything.. so I wanted to tell you that my ex just unfollowed me from instagram exactly 6 months later.. but just yesterday I noticed that he posted something which had written 'if its meant to be yours, it will eventually be yours'.. I really dont get it why he put that or for whom..
Could you please tell me the reason why he unfollowed me after 6 months?
And why he post something written like that?
Natasha

June 8, 2017 at 7:46 pm

Hi Amor! Its been 2 weeks since I last wrote anything.. so I wanted to tell you that my ex just unfollowed me from instagram exactly 6 months later.. but just yesterday I noticed that he posted something which had written ‘if its meant to be yours, it will eventually be yours’.. I really dont get it why he put that or for whom..
Could you please tell me the reason why he unfollowed me after 6 months?
And why he post something written like that?
Natasha

May 30, 2017 at 5:43 pm

Its already been 6 months so I would wait for another 6 months maybe.. and the other thing is that instantly after breakup I had unfollowed him from my instagram.. but he still follows me and views all my stories.. and hasnt even blocked me anywhere..
Natasha

May 26, 2017 at 11:01 am

We broke up in december 2016.. and I started the No Contact on the same day.. but he hasnt blocked me anywhere yet nor has he unfollowed me from instagram..
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2017 at 2:42 pm

ok, let’s say he misses you and gets information about you through his friends.. but 6 months is just long.. it would be better to approach it like he has moved on and just being curious.. if you want to rebuild rapport, the question is how much have you improved? because if you didn’t, you need to do that first.. post at least 3 times a week.. and then after 30 days, initiate contact and slowly rebuild rapport.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2017 at 1:36 pm

Hi Natasha,

sorry, I’m confused. When did you break up and when did you start doing nc?

Kate

May 4, 2017 at 4:20 am

My bf of over a year broke up with me last week. We are both 19, I turn 20 in June. He said his reasons were he”s lost and depressed and doesn’t know where he’s going or what he’s doing and he feels empty. He keeps saying he wants to get back together once he betters himself and learns to love himself so that he can be the best for me. He insists on remaining friends and hanging out, basically, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He says we’ve become so close and are best friends and he doesn’t want me out of his life completely. But I told him he either wants all of me or gets none of me. It’s not fair for me to be friends with the person I’m in love with. He keeps saying “someday” but I can’t wait… I’m so lost

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2017 at 3:34 pm

Have you done the no contact rule? If yes, how long, how much did you improve and how active were you in posting? How long have you been building rapport after that?

Amy

April 23, 2017 at 6:11 am

Might be a long story-
I broke up with my ex bf about a week ago. We were together a little over 2 years. The entire time I have been working and help support him emotionally and financially through some hard times. It became hard on both of us because I know he resent that and maybe I did too. I found myself hounding him to get his stuff together, after all I gave him every resource needed, and I was by his side. Other than that we were inseparable, hiked together, cooked together, and parented my children from a past relationship. However, after all this time I found out he was emotionally cheating (lasted about a month) and he was sincerely sorry. It stopped. I asked him to please leave, but he stayed for another week until he finally left. He left the state entirely saying he couldn’t bare to live in the same town as me. I was deeply in love with him (I’m 38, he’s 35) but I knew I had to do something. Because of this break up he thinks I never liked him but that just isn’t true. He’s left now, we had a few words via text (mostly cordially) but with some emotions. I have no idea who he can be staying with or where his exact location is. He has no family and hardly any friends to the state he went too. I have only heard from him once ( he contacted me daily when he was here locally after the split) since he arrived to his destination and I heard other woman in the background and never did get to talk to him. I’m feeling bad about the break up. Naturally I’m missing the good parts of him but have not heard from him in a few days. He seems occupied (probably drinking because that’s his coping). I have no blocked him in all ways, email social media texts etc. will he ever come to terms with how much he hurt me. This was a forced break up on my end. I felt I had no choice. Will I hear from him again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 7:19 pm

well, realistically, it’s almost always not a mutual break up and some of the girls don’t even hear from their ex throughout the no contact rule. So, the best option is to improve yourself. Make him regret though that.

nikki

April 17, 2017 at 12:05 am

Hi,

Question about a 2nd breakup and months of no contact. The first time we broke up after 6 months of dating I followed this plan and we were back together in under 3 months. It was short lived. We did not fix the problems that led to the first break up and he dumped me again. This was over a year ago. In that time we have had some contact and we did hook up. Last week he texted me late one night saying he missed me but in the morning he texted again to say that he was drunk and didn’t mean it. It had been 6 months since I spoke with him. When I replied to last week’s text he said he should respect the breakup and not contact me again. I’m confused I thought I was over him and now how do I get him back! Do I wait 3 months?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 22, 2017 at 9:28 am

Not necessarily 3 months, but maybe just 3 weeks before rebuilding rapport again

Ali

April 4, 2017 at 2:19 pm

Do I need to tell my ex about the NC rule?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 6:06 pm

Nope, don’t tell him.

Ana Valentin

April 2, 2017 at 9:18 pm

Hello there! My bf of a year and a half broke up with me last week (exactly). he said the reason was to focus on himself, figure out his life and his goals again. But also he felt like we couldnt communicate and I know where this stemmed from. When he first broke up with me we cried and spoke about it all night, then the next day he kept crying and saying I’m perfect and he loves me and he feels like an idiot throwing that away. We come to the conclusion of maybe trying again. But I told him to go home and think about it because I’d rather him make a clear decision than a foggy one with me crying in bed next to him. We have one last perfect date day, it was amazing and he goes home. Before he goes he kisses my forehead and tells me he’d be an idiot to let all that we built go. So I have hope. But he calls me the next day and says he doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore. I ask him why and he says to focus on yourself, make new friends, perform and write music. And so I’ve been in no contact ever since. Do you think we have a chance? I feel like we do….I just hope I can make this marathon. Im working on bettering myself so that when we do get back together something HAS changed (but also just for the sake of myself)

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 11:06 am

Hi Ana,

does he know you’re doing a 30 day nc?

Surabhi

March 25, 2017 at 6:00 pm

Its been more than 9 months that ms bf broke up nd went off.. We didnt had any such fights nd serious issues to break up.
He just said we have difference between each other we have no future together and left me.
But i loved him truly Im not able to get him out of ma head.
I’m suffering a lot. But he moved on so easy easily.. I want him.
But the way he insults me i feel he don’t deserve me.
He makes me feel he is not worth for ma tears!
I loved him. I still love him.
Its just Giving me pain…

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 2:09 pm

Hi Surabhi,

you mean you’re moving on?

Him

March 19, 2017 at 11:04 pm

Hi, my ex broke up with me about 3 months ago. I think I was his rebound relationship, but he was my first serious boyfriend and I really liked him and I get the feeling that he really liked me as well, but a) our timing wasn’t right and b) I became too dependent on him to keep me happy. It’s been 3 months now, I tried the NC rule but after asking him to come back and being refused, and when I contacted him after the NC period, he didn’t respond. I have also tried to forget and move on but I can’t seem to do that… So I am back in NC, it’s been about a week, we’re in the same uni but I’m back home in a different country for easter break… I think I want to text him after I get back, but don’t know what that might make him want to respond to me… Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 24, 2017 at 2:17 pm

Hi Him,

be very active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.. he has to think you’ve understood and accepted his decision.. compile interesting topics for him and check this one:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

Eunicee

March 15, 2017 at 5:56 am

Hello still waiting for your advice,have now spent a 7days without speaking with him,am just into prayers and thinking of money for school. please advice me on the earlier comment.

Eunicee

March 17, 2017 at 12:52 pm

Dear Amor!
Yesterday my ex boyfriend came to my office just to say hi and tell me that i was smart and if am ok…. all i responded was thank you and that i was fine. then today he just passed by but didn’t come around to my office. because i responded to him yesterday when he came to my office, does this mean that i have to start my NC period again. because i had really stayed without contacting him for about 8 days now,or should i just continue with my NC. A m getting confused here please advice me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2017 at 4:11 pm

nope.. you kept it short and direct..that’s ok
Eunicee

March 16, 2017 at 6:21 am

I actually saw my ex boyfriend today at work but because am in the NC period i decided to pretend i didnt see him. am not sure wheather he saw me or not since we work in the same organisation. and yesterday i called a friend of his to pick up his things and give them to him. hope am doing the right thing here.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 5:11 pm

yup, that’s right..
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 11:20 am

Hi Eunicee,

that’s good that you’re praying..mix faith with actions because it’s really just being active.. aim to be an ungettable girl.. follow the advice on this link:
The Ungettable Girl

Ellie

March 14, 2017 at 10:08 am

Hi, my ex and I broke up five and a half months ago. I admit that it was my fault because I was becoming needy that I kept on pestering him on why is he becoming distant. He was extremely busy then as well with his major subjects while I became laid back on mine because I was already done. He’s an incredibly sweet guy when he gets attached to you but has firm goals in his life which he prides himself on as of now. I was his first serious girlfriend and as he was mine. I’ve tried the no contact rule before but failed miserably. This got kinda weird for a while because I sent him a couple of e-mails, a few texts and a phone call over the course of 3-4 months.

I haven’t heard anything that he’s dating someone new. I’m open to the possibility that he might have taken interest in a few girls but prohibits himself from initiating anything romantic because he really does want to focus on himself.

He said that he just wanted to be friends with me because he realized that he’s not ready for the commitment and he wants to improve his skills. Even though with that being said, he never initiated contact except for when my birthday came and he greeted me and we had a short chat. And he said that he would give me something although he wasn’t sure when yet because he’s really struggling as of the moment with a lot of things and I said okay but I dont think that time is ever gonna come?

And then last week I saw him at an event in our school where he was a part of the organization that came up with the event. I don’t wanna go into detail but some bits felt movie-like but it was short-lived. We chatted for a bit and then he excused himself and was already walking around the place talking to his friends. I left early with my friends because I felt like I couldn’t be in the same room where I couldn’t touch him.

I miss him a lot and I think as of now I’m doing better in fighting the urge to contact him again in anyway. Although his birthday is only a few months away and I’m planning on greeting and giving him something as a token of appreciation that I wasn’t able to give last year due to the break up. Is this a good idea to do? I’m not entirely hoping for any compensation from him right now but I really am hoping for us to be back together no matter how long it takes for that to happen.

There’s a part of me that would just be happy enough to become his friend again and be able to talk to him without becoming awkward but I don’t want to get completely friendzoned.

I don’t have any strategies for the “big picture” but I’m hoping to get some from here thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 7:55 am

Hi Ellie,

you have to build rapport now because the longer you wait, the less chances you have and the harder it will be to build it

Eunicee

March 13, 2017 at 6:45 am

Hello please i need your advice,i broke up with my ex boyfriend in November 2016 its now 4 months and 13 days.. recently it was his birthday and i got him a birthday cake and sent it to work that was on 7th march. fine he appreciated it but later on in the evening i met him along his area where he lives and he thought i was stalking him going to his place, he then told me that if i want him to pay back the cake i bought for him on his birthday he will pay and he goes a head telling me if i want to know he has like 4 girlfriends. but all i concluded with him was that i told him i will always take him as a friend and right now my intentions is to go back for my further studies. i really want him back in my life again for a long lasting relationship, we work together in the same organisation. what could all this mean,his reactions and ego and attitude? its now 4 days ago i havent contacted him and i want to do a NC period for 45 days without any word to him. kindly guide me how to handle this situation, what should i do and where can i start from.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 11:20 am

Hi Eunicee,

that’s good that you’re praying..mix faith with actions because it’s really just being active.. aim to be an ungettable girl.. follow the advice on this link:
The Ungettable Girl

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