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Post categories
Clarice80
November 15, 2016 at 2:16 am
So my ex dumped me over a text message 3 weeks ago and I have not heard much from him since.
So we had been together for 2 years and had a great relationship. We rarely fought or argued. We had fairly good communication. Back in June we had a fight which led to us taking a break, but not actually break up. This was for about 2 weeks. Our fight had been about moving in together. Hes not ready. I let it go. A few before this last fight, i asked if he thought wed ever move in together. He said yes, but he wants to not only be good with it, but each of our kids. Cool….i just want to know we’re on the right path.
But then i think I pushed too hard and part of our fight this last time was about moving in, because im stressed where i live (with roommates). So i said i wished he was ready to move in. He got a bit irritated and said i thought you were going to get a place closer by me. I told him that was the plan, but though i can make the monthly payments, its hard to save for the deposit. He got more irritated and asked why i hadnt asked him for help. I told him it was a pride thing and that i wasn’t with him for his money. He was so upset that i didnt ask him. I hadn’t seen him so mad before. He calmed down and said if we are going to have a future we cant not ask the other for help, money or otherwise. I agreed.
So he asked how much I’d need, i wasnt sure. We talked more about future plans etc, again feeling like we’re on the right path.
Before i left i asked him if we were good, he said absolutely. He said he was excited to see where we’d be and how much he loves me.
Fast forward 5 hrs, a dumping by text. No explanation or reason. I blew up his phone for the 1st 4 days no response, i left him alone for over a week, then asked about my stuff. No response. Finally after a few more days i get him to msg me about my stuff. And he briefly talks to me over text. Saying hes not in love anymore and that his descion is made. He wouldn’t answer me anything else. Im broken, ive even spent time in the hospital because i cant eat or drink so ive made myself sick. Now im feeling better a bit, not to say that I dont cry or anything, but im making a plan to better me, getting that place without his help….going back to school and joining the gym.
Im restarting NC because i failed at it.
I don’t know what happened with this, but i want to try to fix this and i hope hes willing in the long run. We had an amazing relationship and connection ive never had with anyone else. He loves me deeply and i have a hard time believing he just turned it off.
I was thinking nc 30 days, but not sure….advice? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 11:11 am
HI Clarice80
Yeah, Try at least 30 or 45 days. The most important thing is that you improve and heal yourself.
Shirley T
November 12, 2016 at 4:36 pm
Hi there, so I was in one of those off and on relationships for two years, and we got back together three times during the short timeline.
We broke up in February of this year. I recently sent him an email of gratitude and acceptance this past week, and have been in actual no contact for 8 months in order to heal and actively soul search. I tried dating a bit, but nothing serious, and he had been the main person that I still think is the one for me. We were discussing engagement plans and whatnot before we broke up and lived together.
However, hehas not responded to the email and I’m wondering if I should just let go and move on for good.
Could I have advice on how I should approach this?
Thanks!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 7:15 am
Hi Shirley,
It looks like it’s weird for him to receive that after 8 months. So, maybe he doesnt want you to expect..
Anna
November 9, 2016 at 5:50 pm
We were together for 4 months but things moved quickly so it was very intense. Two months into the relationship he disappeared for a week and would not answer any of my calls, he came back and said that he had left because he was a commitmentphobe but he would never disappear again. I was the first girl he dated since his ex a few years ago so I think he is scared of getting hurt again. However, two months later he disappears again for a week only this time sending a text that he doesn’t want to do it anymore. We met in person the next day but he couldn’t give me a reason for wanting to end things. Since then he hasn’t replied to any of my texts or calls. I have done 30 days no contact but he still hasn’t replied. He reads my messages and still follows me on social media but won’t respond even though we ended things well. I don’t know what to do.
Anna
November 19, 2016 at 12:17 pm
Yes I was clingy! I have been contacting him once a month so he expects to hear from me. I have been improving myself which he knows because he has been watching my social media posts. I decided to delete him off facebook but am keeping my posts public so he will realise I am serious about moving on. is this a good idea?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 22, 2016 at 12:17 pm
Yep! Because he needs to see those posts.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 12, 2016 at 6:16 pm
Hi Anna,
how much did you improve during no contact? We’re you clingy? If he’s a commitment phobe, most of the times, what makes them commit is when they know you’re not going to be needy or clingy because you appear as the ungettable girl. Check the link below:
The Ungettable Girl
Spitfire
November 3, 2016 at 10:28 pm
Me and my ex dated for 4 years
We mainly broke up because thingd got hard the last three mouths of us dating.
We have bee apart for 4 months now.
The reason we broke up was because i didn’t really habe my life together, and we wete both stressed out with other things that we startrd to have more and more argument.
After we broke up we tried to start over and be friends but ended up sleeping together or fighting. He would bring up the past and tell me how i messed up , or now if i tried to talk to him the same cute texts i send to all my friends he gets upset about, saying its weird.
He tells me things like he doesn’t care what i do with my life he pays close mind to what i put on facebook.
Lately his been hanging out with a girl that he knows i dislike , saying he likes spending time with. He makes it seem like he likes het and wants to be with her.
The other day we got into a fight and i saw i can’t talk to him.
I feel like his rebounding and what hurts more is that he tells me his changed with everyone else but me , saying i have not changed when i am (slowly).
I started the 30 day no contact today.
I broke before when trying this the frist time..but i know i can do the 30 days now seeing im a little more stronger.
What i ask is what is he doing?
Do i still have a chance with him?
Is he acting out?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 11:00 pm
Hi Spitfire,
I think you should do 45 days because you’ve stayed friends and slept with him after the break up.. It looks like he is rebounding and acting out, which in a way is a good sign. But you have to focus in healing and improving yourself if you want your chances to be higher.
LG
October 28, 2016 at 11:10 pm
Hey- I posted immediately after my breakup and your advice did help me get to a point where things were starting to heal… but then I messed them up again. I have PTSD and was mixing it with alcohol and destroyed things again. That was one month ago or so.
I’m now hoping to repair things. Here’s what happened. We broke up almost 3 months ago. I only did 1 week no contact. We were texting and such while he was away, and when I returned he made a date to see me. It was 6 hours and amazing. But soon after, I let my fears and insecurities eat me, and it exploded pretty fast. That first time we reconnected I had told him I couldn’t just be around as friends.
Now we’re talking again but I’m also not doing well with the break up. This time around he’s telling me that I need to move on. I don’t want to be a pest but I still have hope we can get past it. I’m starting therapy in a week and I have been taking medicine and doing better. I saw him to give him his stuff back recently and fell apart.
Do you have any advice? Should I go back to NC? I know it’s pathetic but I haven’t felt this way about anyone before and I want to be able to show him I can do better. We were together for 9 months before we broke up, if it makes any difference.
Lg
October 31, 2016 at 4:41 pm
How long do you think I shouldn’t talk to him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 1, 2016 at 2:49 pm
it depends on how much and when you will heal.. put him aside and put yourself first… if it takes 6 months for you,.so be it..
LG
October 28, 2016 at 11:12 pm
He is being unclear about whether he’s serious with someone else. I know he’s dating, but he won’t tell me anything else.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 31, 2016 at 4:05 pm
Hi Lg,
he probably doesn’t want to talk to you about it because it’s going to get emotional and he doesnt want a confrontation… him telling you, that you need to move on means he thinks you’re chasing and hoping.. so, stop talking to him for now and focus in your therapy
Dee
October 26, 2016 at 11:25 pm
my ex broke up with me after a fight 2 months ago…n now that i m trying to get him back he s negative bc he says that i wont change ..since i hadnt the past 2,8 years we were together…but his bigger concern is that he s scared for dragging me since i am 36yrs old n he s not sure if he wants a future w me… he says he still loves me n misses me but if he s not 100% sure then he s not willing to give in. i said that i am willing to take my chances n wait for him.. we have contact here n there n 2weeks ago when he called me to see how i was i said that maybe its time i take my stuff from his house (wich they are quit alot) so that he doesnt feel pressured..he kinda freaked out n then he offered to keep them longer since i dont have much space at my place…we left it there…so whats going on? how can i handle it so that i win him back…?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 8:16 pm
Hi Dee,
what does he want you to change? What do you think about the no contact rule?
AaronB
October 22, 2016 at 4:32 pm
Me and my ex girlfriend were together for a little over two years…. Things happened so fast in the beginning of our relationship that after only a few months we split up. We did the short term getting back together scenario and things seemed to be great. After about six months old problems appeared. We split up again….. This time after a month of our split , she moved a man into her house. I was devastated and wanted her back! In a couple days we were back together , again not fixing the problems in our relationship. We broke up again and she started dating shortly after our breakup! We got back together and still not fixing what was wrong in our relationship. We are broke up now but this time i started dating a friend of mine that I’ve known for 30 yrs but Ha vent seen in over 20. We’ve been together almost 4 months now and throughout the 4 months my ex has been texting , calling and showing up at my job and house. When she texts i respond because I feel guilty and I know I still love her. SAD. Why can’t i shake my ex and be happy in my new relationship? I went no contact with my ex for 2 weeks now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2016 at 6:13 pm
Hi aaronb,
if yoyu love your ex and she wants you back, just do it.. why make the situation complicated?
Carla C
October 9, 2016 at 1:03 pm
Hi
My bf broke up with me last month. We were together for more than 3 years. We were really happy before that sad day happened. He told me that he loves me a day before that. I really didnt expect that he’ll do it. He got into med school and really stressed. He said that he loves me but his head was messy that time, we need a break and be friends.
I texted him after the break up and I dont receive any reply. I am at my 16th day of NC and I havent heard from him. I do not know what to do. Please help me get him back.
Carla
October 7, 2016 at 9:12 am
Hi,
My boyfriend and I broke last month, please help. We were together for more than 3 years and we were happy. He told me that he loves me before that sad day came. He was the one who left me. I really didnt expect that he’ll do that. I asked him why, he told me that he loves but his head was really messy. He just entered into med school and he got so stressed. After the break up, I texted him but I dont get a reply. He is ignoring me until now. I do not know what to do. I am at my 14th day of no contact with him. Please help me get him back. What to do?
Carla
October 10, 2016 at 10:49 am
I am trying to be fit because I lost a lot of weight. I cannot sleep at night and I cry a lot. I am really depressed.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 7:25 am
Hi Carla,
you need professional help.. There’s no use in doing nc and sticking to a count if you’re not getting better even minimally each day.. If you’re still depressed after 30 days, then you have to restart count..
check this one too:
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 9:28 am
HI Carla,
are you actively improving yourself and making a new daily routine now?
Diana
October 2, 2016 at 1:30 am
So I met my ex half year ago (B), when i just started dating his friend(A). The friend thing(A) didnt work out because i found myself liking my ex (B) way more. So i broke up with his friend(A) and two months later my ex (B) and i started dating dating. We did fell in love and he is just my type of guy, same views in life, hobbies, goals, values. A couple days back my ex talked to the friend and i was dating before to tell him he was dating me. The friend told him he felt dissapointed and betrayed because he saw my ex as a big brother. And as much as my ex wanted to be with me he broke up with me because he said he was not ok with the perspective of being happy while someone else is being miserable because of him. He wanted something long term with me but he also wanted something good and pure not mixed up with bad feelings and regrets. I want him back but i know he needs space and his friend (A) need to be over the topic and ok with us before we even think of going back together. We havent talked since the breakup and i dont think we will soon, but i do want to get back with him, i see a future of shared lifes with him. We did not have any infernal fighting just external issues which causes the breakup
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 4, 2016 at 6:40 pm
Hi Diana,
treat 30 day no contact as giving him space while improving yourself, that will also give him more reason to miss you..
SLK
September 30, 2016 at 7:03 pm
My ex and I were together for over 5 years and no breaks. We got together at such a young age, 14 and 15. In about a month we will be 20 and 21. A month after our 5 year anniversary, his mom announced that she wanted to divorce his dad and left for a different state with another man. About a month and a half after that, he decided he was unhappy and broke things off with me. Our relationship was rocky during years 2-4, but we got passed it and we were happy. We didn’t have a bad break up, we ended on good terms. He said we could still be friends, but there has been no contact. He acts as if our relationship meant nothing to him and I meant nothing to him.
At the beginning of the break up, he was always so unsure about what he wanted. If he wanted to get back together or wanted to stay single. We haven’t talked much in the past 6 months. Maybe a total of 6 or 7 times. I would send him long really mushy texts about why I love him but he would never respond. We have a mutual friend who told me that he still checks on all my social media, but he never asks me how I am personally.
Recently I saw on Facebook that he is talking with some girl and has even been on a date or two with her. I don’t know what is going on between them, from what I’ve seen it doesn’t look like it means anything, she lives hours away from us.
I sleep and dream about him mostly every night and most of them he tells me that he wants me back and it messes with my feelings.
SLK
October 19, 2016 at 3:57 am
We’ve been having no contact. A mutual friend of ours and him went out to catch up the other night and he told her how he misses me and everything, but he also loves his freedom. He feels like if we get back together I will go back to my same routine. I sent him a super long text last night explaining how I’m trying to get better for him and that I’m changing and want us back together, but all he does is ignore me. Obviously he doesn’t miss me enough if he won’t even acknowledge me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 10:16 pm
Explaining that you’re changing shows that you’re just doing it for him and that you’re just trying to convince him.. True change is more on action and not just for him.. He probably thinks you’re just doing that to get him back.. So, you have to restart the count..
SLK
October 4, 2016 at 3:47 pm
We broke up at the end of March and I last attempted to talk to him 3 days ago after I saw his dad and heard that my ex was doing well. I just wanted to let him know that I was proud of him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 6, 2016 at 8:42 pm
ok.. but do you want to do no contact rule now? If yes, you need to check this :
The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)
SLK
September 30, 2016 at 7:15 pm
To add on to that, I struggled with depression but didn’t get it taken care of until 2 weeks ago, I wanted to better myself so I can be a much better girlfriend for him if he comes back.
Also, I feel as though his mom leaving has a lot to do with what happened. Even though he swears it isn’t. He said he wanted time to miss me and absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I feel like he is just trying to forget about me. He is the love of my life and my best friend. I know I’m young, but I know what I want.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 3, 2016 at 1:03 pm
Hi SLK,
So, when did you exactly break up and when did you last attempted to talk to him? That’s good that you already started therapy but do it for yourself whether you get him back or not.
cookiemonster
September 29, 2016 at 5:06 am
Hey everyone I hope you can help me with my dilemma. My ex of over 3 years and I broke up about a month ago. He broke up with me because and they were because of things that were fixable. He started a business last year and was really stressed out financially and with work and when he gets home we also argued. Overtime I did realize that I started posing myself and became more clingy/ paranoid that he would cheat with me. I was not always like this he was the one who made me psycho since in the beginning of the relationship he was the clingy one. There wee alot of guys who I was friends with that I wasn’t allowed to talk to so I figured well it should only be the same for him. He should not be hanging out with girls he used to like or had a thing for even though we’re friends. At least not by themselves it would’ve been fine if our other friends were also there but they did at one point which really pissed me off. He made up all these rules on me and when he realized how hard they ate all of a sudden I’m the bad guy. We started living together 7 months into the relationship which I thought was way too fast and I was completely against wit at first but he would get mad at me for not moving in with him already. . So eventually I started thinking maybe I should. Fast forward 2 plus years and the honeymoon phase is over, accompanied with financial problems and other issues in the relationship. These issues however can be fixed and I already told him I’m willing to work hard on them since I didn’t want the breakup to happen and he even said that he didn’t want it either. One day he just broke up with me saying he needs to think about his own well being as well and telling me it was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. After the breakup I already started to accept that were never getting back together and I didn’t want to talk to him at all but my friends told me to just talk to him since they also think he’s also really having a hard time about it. Months before the break up we had a massive fight and he started to be so cold and distancing himself from me which made me think he just didn’t care at all. Stupid me listened to my finds and sent him a letter through FB telling him the gist of how I feel and that I’m willing to work on everything because I still wanted to be with him. All he said was that for him to even consider getting back together time Ia definitely needed.I went through active NC for a month and just as the month was almost up he contacted me regarding some items I left at his place. I got weak and asked to catch up with him 2 weekends from then as I wanted to get a vibe of how it is being with him and see if fighting for him would be worth it or not. During NC I have been trying to get my life together looking for a new job going to school etc. But he seems so happy with his life now that I’m not in it and he became way more active in social media. I don’t know if he’s doing this to rub it in my face or he’s actually moved on since he thoght ab9ut breaoing up for months or even more and is relieves about it and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I’m so confused whether to keep hoping or not.
cookiemonster
September 29, 2016 at 5:09 am
Sorry about all the typos
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 8:18 pm
Hi Cookie monster,
Let’s say he actually moved on. Then take it as a restart.. Slowly build rapport first while continuing your new routine.
Erin
September 23, 2016 at 7:14 pm
My ex and I were together for nearly 8 months but we were basically best friends for 7 years, everything was so amazing I was the happiest ive ever been but we had an argument because his replies were getting slower and slower and I got annoyed and asked him why hes ignoring me, and from then he completely ignored me and for days I tried to call and text and then I didnt message or call back, he deleted me off social media and a week later I went to see him at his work place but he turned me away, he told a colleague to tell me he didnt want to talk to me. and its been nearly 2 months now since. I have no idea what went wrong and why hes acting like this with someone ive spoken to everyday for years and years and he seems to be going out every night, yes I admit I social media stalked a little bit. If i continue to fall into complete silence, is it the case of either #’absence makes the heart go fonder’ or is it ‘out of sight out of mind’?
Erin
January 24, 2017 at 7:18 pm
Do you think I should start no contact? What if he doesn’t try again at all?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2017 at 1:30 pm
it’s been 5 months, I think it’s ok to initiate a text..
Erin
January 24, 2017 at 2:44 am
Hi, Im not sure if my previous comment got processed, I didnt see it when I refreshed the page. But after 5 months of not hearing from my ex, a few days ago I received a text message from him and all it says is ‘Hey’ nothing else. I have not opened the message nor will I reply but I want to know whats going through his mind and why after so long is he texting me with only a one worded text what could be the purpose since he was the one ignoring me for days after calling and texting him and even going to see him to only be turned away at the time? Whats your intake on this pls.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 24, 2017 at 1:58 pm
Hi Erin,
it did went through.. Maybe something reminded him of you, so he decided to text out of curiosity.
Erin
January 24, 2017 at 2:25 am
My ex ghosted me 5 months ago after trying so many times to reach out to him and visiting him where he still turned me away, so I didnt know where I went wrong. Just a few days ago he text me and all the message says is ‘Hey’. I have not opened the message and nor am I planning on to replying I just want to know why after all this time and what he has to say but he hasn’t said anything else or tried to text again. What is he thinking and whats the purpose of one worded text? Whats your input on this?
Erin
September 25, 2016 at 12:33 pm
Since he has ghosted me, the no contact rule doesnt apply because he hasnt tried to contact me since the breakup. I have stopped chasing since I visited his work place, but im wondering if he will even try to reach out to me again or not, he hasnt blocked me at all on anything, just deleted.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 4:23 pm
yes, just being absent won’t work much but it doesn’t mean that he won’t get curious and check your social media posts through another account or another person… There’s less chance that he will reach if he thinks or he sees that you haven’t moved on. And don’t make the posts like you’re trying to make him believe. Just be active in improving yourself and make the posts as natural as possible. Don’t caption it with “moving on” or anything negative that pertains to him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 3:57 pm
Hi Erin,
He ghosted you.. He chose not to talk and see you so, I don’t think absence will make heart grow fonder because he chose to out you in his life..
So, when you do no contact, being silent isn’t going to help much. Although we can’t guarantee that it will work, but I think you should do no contact to heal yourself and improve and show him that you’re not going to chase anymore. And then maybe when he sees that you have moved on, that you will not ask him about what happened, he might initiate contact again or wouldn’t hesitate starting out as friends again.
Lynda
September 23, 2016 at 3:58 pm
I met my ex at work. He’s a couple years younger than me and we became really good friends mostly talking about sports. My husband and I were on the outs, separated but still living together. One night he finally got up the courage and asked me out. We had an amazing 5 months or so together. I’ve never had so much in common with someone, felt so wanted, or been happier.
I tried to keep feelings out of it but he fell so hard that I couldn’t help it. It was incredible. Finally I let my guard down and stopped worrying. He told me he’d never felt like this before, that he couldn’t wait until I was divorced, he wanted me to meet his family, etc. He asked to meet my son, and they loved eachother.
Then he lost his job and decided to go back to school which was great. He didn’t want anything to change… but it did. He slowly got distant to the point where he finally said he couldn’t do this anymore. That his life was such a mess that he couldn’t be starting a relationship. Things moved too fast and it scared him b/c he had an awful breakup with his ex who also had a daughter. He still wants to be friends, I did nothing wrong, the usual “it’s not you, it’s me” stuff. I could be an idiot, but I believe he at least mostly was telling me the truth.
We stay in some contact and have mutual friends. We see eachother every couple weeks, usually in a group but an occasional lunch alone. I’d say I initiate 80% of the contact. Sometimes it’s great to talk to him, other times he seems completely disinterested. But when we’re together alone it’s always great and I feel like everything is still there… just nothing physical happens.
I know he’s not full-on dating anyone. But I know a couple girls were always trying to talk to him while we were together, so he may have moved on to one of them. I could never ask him. Things got weird about 3 months ago, and he broke up with me almost 2. I finally have my own place and could start fresh, but I can’t tell how he feels. I’m considering no contact since I’m usually the one reaching out… any ideas?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 2:19 pm
Hi Lynda,
Yeah, it looks like you’re friendzoned..
So, it’s better if you do nc.. You should check this one too:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
Court
September 14, 2016 at 6:52 am
I dated this guy for about 4 months and I know it sounds like a short amount of time but this was the best relationship and shortest one I’ve ever had. We met in a class and we tried to be friends but we had a crazy chemistry and our friends in our class said we should just be together. We would argue and talk like a couple before we were even one. We had the best time in these few months. He was so sweet and kind to me. I remember we went all out for each other’s birthday and I remember for mine we were both broke and he spent his last and took me to San Diego and we had a blast. Then came home to a birthday cake with my name and a treasure chest he made me filled with Victoria Secret. He did stuff like that and it was just amazing. During our relationship we broke up once, I broke up with him over a misunderstanding and we got back together almost immediately because it was so hard to not be together. It was just way too much love there and then at the end of our relationship I spent the night with him and we had a long talk. We talked about not meeting eachothers family yet because we weren’t sure if this was something permanent he started to not trust me and breaking up with him that one time didnt help. The next morning he was so distant and cold. He didn’t stay in the shower with me and he just acted weird and on the way home we didn’t talk at all. A week goes by and he doesn’t text me at all. He doesn’t answer my text or anything and finally I text him and tell him how worried I was and he tells me how sorry he is and how he can’t do this anymore. I remained calm and I told him okay and not sure what else and he told me he will always love me and I was the best thing that has happened to him… So it’s been almost five months and we’ve had no communication and I find myself wanting to know so badly what happened that week. I don’t feel like I need to be with him but I do feel like he was my soul mate and really the only person that just got me. I know I should be moved on but I some days I just miss him so badly and other days I’m perfectly fine. I want to know if he’s okay and I want to know if he did indeed love me. Should I just continue to move on? Or plan on reaching out in the future and getting the love of my life back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 17, 2016 at 12:18 pm
Hi Court,
it’s been 5 months since the break up? Are you still classmates?
Jeka
July 23, 2016 at 4:42 am
My ex boyfriend and I dated for two years. Everything was going fine. He is divorce for three years now and have two kids. His ex left him for another man and she used to come around just for the kids. In fact she was living with another man for a year. Her boyfriend dumped her. She saw her ex husband happy and that’s when problems started. My family and his family we was very attached, we used to spent time together on the weekends. She poison the daughter and mess stuff up where he call me one day on the phone and broke up with stating he was giving her another change because he wanted to try saving his family. I was very mad and confused. But I learned not to put my eggs in one basket anymore and learned to love myself… I am convinced that he will not return because of how we ended was not good ending at all.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 23, 2016 at 1:55 pm
Hi Jeka,
do you mean you want to know how to move on?
B
July 21, 2016 at 8:58 pm
My boyfriend and I broke up about 5 weeks ago. My boyfriend and I were together for over a year. I am a year older than him so I spent my first year of college in a relationship with him. We broke up once, but I am not sure if it is considered a break up because we got back together after 5 days. He is going to a different college than I am but it is still in state so we would be an hour away. The break up this time was unexpected and he said he feels distant but he still loves me and thinks I’m the most beautiful girl in the world, and all of that stuff. We have currently been broken up for a little over a month but we did meet up to talk about things. We decided we both need to focus on ourselves for awhile but we want to stay in each others lives and remain friends. I felt good about things but as the days keep going I miss him more and more and feel like he is just fine. I want him back more than anything but I know we need some space in order for another try to actually be successful. I know I am young but I really saw a future with him. I have talked to mutual friends and have heard that he isn’t over the situation and it’s been hard on him too. I am on day 22 of no contact and he has not contacted me in the no contact period. how do I approach things?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 22, 2016 at 7:27 pm
hi B,
you can initiate contact after nc.. just take everything slow so that he won’t feel pressured..even if he’s having a hard time too, don’t rush things when you’re building rapport
Rebecca Martinez
July 15, 2016 at 2:50 am
Hi, last August I met a guy who went after my car and asked for my phone number after a gig (i play in a mariachi band). At the time I was seeing someone else so i didn’t really care for him and he’d look for me and we went out a few times where he seemed really interested. Around Christmas time I met his family and we started hanging out even more, I was going over his house 2-3 times a week. I spent New Years, celebrated almost all of his family member’s birthdays with him, his birthday in June. I continued to hang out with him 2-3 times away. However, around March I found out he had been lying about his age and his past. He told me he was 30 when in reality he was 36, divorced, and had a 4-year-old son. I found out through a friend’s friend whom works at the same school he does. I came out with it and he was upset because it didn’t come from him and he didn’t take to me for a week, he thought about ending it there but he didn’t and he apologized for having it kept that info from me. After that things started going well again until June. His family and I celebrated his birthday, where i took some of my band mates and played for him. Everyone was impressed but the weeks to come after that he became distant he would answer with an emoji until i asked if we could talk. He told me that he was keeping up with his responsibilities, needed time to take care of things, that i had no idea what he was going through (custody court), he said it was getting to him, etc. I admit I didn’t exactly respect his space and i know these things can be hard on father too. Anytime I’d freak out, he’d tell me the same thing… He need his time and well being the insecure person i am i would pass by his house and i never really saw anything suspicious. I got fed up because i thought he was pushing away because he didn’t want to see me anymore. So I texted him, called him, without an answer. I showed up at his house because i wanted an answer and he just said he didn’t want to hurt me, cause any problems, he couldn’t talk and to please respect. I left and i just texted him everything i felt. I kept passing by every now and then and last friday i passed by and i saw him with another girl. I’m not sure who she was. I got upset and i sent him a long text, polite and everything but telling him that was a lie because he said he cared about me. He never replied. The last time i saw him, i didn’t know it would be the last time, and he was talking about how i didn’t deserve this and what if i’m 28 and meet someone who’s 28, things like that. I’ve seen his mom who’s hugged me and been so polite. His sister still has me on snapchat. Since it’s been a month since we’ve really talked and since we’ve hanged out, i’m not sure what to do now and ESPECIALLY since i saw that girl with him outside his house. He told me he didn’t want a relationship and i always told him it was fine because of his court issues. Should i wait?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 15, 2016 at 6:11 pm
HI Rebecca,
nope.. it’s been a month. Whether you want to try again or move on, you should start being active in having a new routine now.
Yasmin
July 11, 2016 at 5:16 am
Hello Chris,
My boyfriend and I were together for 2 yrs and 8 months, but he recently broke up with me about a week and a half ago. I sensed something different from him about a week or 2 before the break up since the nights before the break up he was going out to drink late at night with his friends and we were no longer spending quality time and not going on dates. This was unusual since he was the type of boyfriend who always missed me and always wanted to see me. Since he no longer was showing any interest in hanging out often I confronted him asking what was wrong, but that led to him breaking up with me. He seemed very frustrated and emotional and I felt like he said things too harsh at the moment. He said he didn’t see a future with me and called me “weak” where I was to dependable to others and was not determined like the way I was when we first started dating. He said he wanted to break up and try to move on and IF he regretted then he would come back begging me back if he had to, but that he was positive that he wouldn’t and was only saying that to make me feel better. All this was very confusing for me at the moment because we talked about our future many times and he would look at me dead in the eye saying he wanted to be with me in the future and that we were going to last and he promised all sorts of things and that he would never hurt me. I supported him in his hard times since his family struggles financially and he never had a job and now that he got a decent job was when he got comfortable to leave me. He also mentioned that I never listened to him, but I always tried my best to listen to him, but he is the type of guy that is hard for him to open up and he usually wished that I could just read his mind or understand him. He was the type of boyfriend that did a lot for me and always heard me out and tried his best to be there for me. I as well tried from my part to be there for him through both our good and bad times. I just can’t understand this breakup as it all feels so sudden. I miss him so much, but I know that if I reach out to him it will only push him further away. My only chance is to not contact him for a bit and try to make changes in my life as I do admit we both do need some space to figure ourselves out. After the break up the next day I made the mistake to try to call him and text him, but he really did not want to hear me or try convincing him. His last message through text was: “Yasmin I’m sorry I have to do this I care about you a lot but I can’t be in a relationship right now. I hope you can understand and be happy without me while I get my life together but right now I’m just not ready and everytime you call me or text me I just start over from the beginning with all the pain and sadness so please just leave me alone for a little while. I know it hurts and I’m sorry to do this to you but I don’t have any other choice.” I asked him why he was doing this and he just said he was unhappy and I asked if we would ever get back together and he said, “I don’t know know, not right now.. not soon” After this he blocked me from snapchat and so I blocked and unfriended him in all my social media. Since then we have not spoken and I have not tried talking to him even though it hurts. Of course I want him back, but it is so hard to wait and not speak to the person who was not only my boyfriend, but my best friend. I miss him so much and love him so much that is why I am trying to wait although I do feel betrayed. Please, any advice would be great. I have no idea if he will come back to me. I do believe though in time we will eventually talk, but then again I am trying my best to be patient, but I am hurt for his decision. I understand he is confused about his life and where to take it, but I feel as if we could had worked it out or I could had helped. Instead he pushed me away after all the good times we had. Will he come back to me and regret his decision? Or is there any way I can get him back without seeming desperate. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 12, 2016 at 8:55 am
Hi Yasmin,
do active nc instead of just waiting for him
Sophia
July 2, 2016 at 3:46 am
I’m aiming for the medium timeline as I see that’s when being in a relationship will be best suited to myself and my ex boyfriend (in the coming months we have many exams and are both really stressed out). I’ve done no contact. We’re on speaking terms and are speaking roughly once a week (I know you recommend everyday but we’re both flat out with study and exams right now and it would be inconvenient for both of us) and we see each other every weekday but rarely speak in person. I’m trying to take things slow and make them as natural as possible to not force things. It’s getting hard because I always initiate our conversations (even though they last for hours and I ensure i have the control) and I’m running out of topics to talk about. Any ideas? I’m worried that if I move too slow he’ll move on, but if I push this and force things too fast, it wont work out. How do you find the balance and what do you recommend? Also im confused, you said that the short time line is the least common, but you’re chances decrease in the medium timeline?
Sophia
July 5, 2016 at 1:04 am
I’ve been doing a little music but I can’t do too much right now with all my studies. I do have new friends. What’s the effect of this? is it for my own wellbeing or does it help me get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 5, 2016 at 5:45 am
both.. because you can invite him over with your new friends and if he sees you doing new things, being great at it, being with new people, it helps him see you in a new light
Sophia
July 4, 2016 at 1:17 pm
And the 5 week days is because of school. 😛
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2016 at 10:14 pm
have you started new activities and met new friends?
Sophia
July 4, 2016 at 1:05 pm
We’ve had the same friends for many years but he’s suddenly become distant from them and rejected the invitation to come out to the movies with us. He spoke about it to me about it when he was upset with them and he feels like they’re too immature and not very good friends. Right now he doesn’t really have a “group” or “clique” but a few close friends. Any ideas?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2016 at 12:48 pm
you see each other every weekday,? That means 5 days a week? That’s a lot..leverage that, you can take it slowly by still leveraging that.. talk about what’s current, always look your best, be with common friends then invite him along when you go for a lunch out,