106 thoughts on “EBR 038: Pregnancy & Ex Boyfriends”

1. 

   Nicole

   July 8, 2015 at 7:24 pm

   Hi Chris,
   Thank you so much for all of your insightful articles and podcasts, they have really helped me out a lot! I really appreciate how much you genuinely care about your readers/listeners, it really shows through 🙂 I commented on a previous post but I never saw the comment appear, so I’m sorry to bug you but I would really appreciate your opinion! My ex and I broke up because I studied abroad for a few months and we didn’t want to do long distance while I was busy traveling, but we decided we would be friends and even talked about dating when I got back (he even jokingly mentioned wanting to marry me and have kids). About a month after being back home, I finally saw him and we had a great time together, however he kept trying to kiss me but I didn’t let him because I wasn’t sure of his intentions. At the end of the night I basically told him I missed him and hadn’t moved on, and he said he cared about me and wanted to be friends but didn’t see us getting back together. So I found your website and started NC. Two weeks in, he called me in the middle of the night, and I accidentally answered the phone because I was half asleep. He kept bringing up unnecessary things as an excuse to talk to me and asked me if I had been on any dates. Ironically, I had a been on a date a few hours before and I subtly hinted that I had, which he picked up on. He asked me if I wanted to get lunch with him and I said no. He also asked me why I was ignoring him and he said I was being rude and immature and not handling the breakup in a “healthy way”, but he didn’t sound mad because he wanted to continue talking to me in a friendly way. I decided to restart the 30 day NC. I ignored his call the other day and he told me again over text that I was being immature for ignoring him and that I should just tell him if I didn’t want to talk to him. He also has mentioned several times that he “still cares about me” including over the phone that one time and in a note he sent me with some things of mine I asked him to mail to my house right before starting NC. I’m worried that when I do start texting him he will be mad and bombard me with questions about why I’ve been ignoring him, and that I will just get negative responses. I trust your advice completely, but I am wondering if NC is having the right effect on him. Do you think these are bad signs or do they indicate that he is just throwing a “temper tantrum” because he’s not getting the behavior he wants or expects from me and still has feelings for me? Sorry for the super long message, but I would really really appreciate your opinion!

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   July 8, 2015 at 11:23 pm

   Hi Nicole,

   Sorry that I am a little late getting back to you.

   I have been so busy on other little projects that I let this get out of hand a bit.

   The temper tantrum is right on par with what you would expect because he is losing control and hates not getting his way.

2. 

   alyssalauren

   July 8, 2015 at 10:29 am

   Okay so been together eight years. Have a year and a half daughter together.
   He shows all signs of not being into me anymore. Ive tried everything.
   Sexually spontaneity(ignores me before and after falls asleep, not caring to take care of BOTH of us instead just hes fine), remembering good times(ignores me), trying to make new ones (which go horribly out of control into arguments in which he has no remorse for the things he’ll say), and on my birthday a few months ago he invited this other couple who were having problems and i and everyone else caught the fact the other girl was flirting a lot and he was accepting it. To the point i was in the living room by myself most the time. He seems to conveniently never hear what im saying if im tryinh to be cute and talk to him. And he doesnt ever want to talk about anythinh, he says im doing this to myself..
   Nothing makes it better. So ive g’rown exhausted and am just doing my own thing lately.
   But now hes trying to turn it around like i was the one falling out of love.
   He says i always say hes not loving me well enough, taking my questions out of context.
   Saying he fhinks hes not good in bed or with anything, even though like ten minutes prior he was telling me in the one with the problem, that his other gfs were better in whatever way.
   And that i always make a situation when there isnt one, but we spent our whole night tonight laying in bed, not talking with his back away from me.
   Please help? Do i bite the bullet and speed his process up because hes just looking for a scape goat or am i just going crazy and everythings okay.

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   July 8, 2015 at 11:25 pm

   He honestly seems like he is denial and is acting and saying things that are irrational.

3. 

   Amy

   July 7, 2015 at 1:53 am

   Hi Chris!

   I just want to ask, do you necessarily publish your responses to the voice notes on the website or do you sometimes respond privately? Would you surely respond to me if I send you one?

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   July 8, 2015 at 11:33 pm

   I only respond through the podcast but I make those who I pick aware of it through email now.

4. 

   Em

   July 6, 2015 at 9:10 am

   Hi, my comment isn’t strictly relevant to the content of this article, but I commented on another one but can’t see my comment awaiting to be moderated! First off congrats on your baby and with the coaching idea!

   I have read the ‘is it a rebound’ guide and ‘what to do if your ex has a girlfriend’. My ex and I broke up a month ago, (he did it for many reasons: didn’t know what he wanted, he wasn’t sure if we’d last, he was failing school and concerned about his future, and he thought he wasn’t good enough for me), and I started no contact right away. I didn’t hear from him at all throughout, no contact ended on Saturday (4th July), and I sent my confession text, he responded with he didn’t care. I said it wasn’t bad and he asked what it was. Once I’d sent my confession he said he’d moved on and to stop messaging him.

   He now has a girlfriend, he said his neighbour who he got in contact with when we broke up. He also said a lot of nasty things, my guess is, to hurt me. He said he loved her and never loved me, never cared about me and used me. I know that isn’t true as he bought me a ring and told his whole family about me – you don’t do that for someone you don’t love/care about. He also swore at me a lot and called me the C word a few times. And he has since blocked me on facebook, so I have no way of contacting him, unless it’s via email. We also love in 2 different countries, I was supposed to be visiting him as we speak. I think my best bet is to move on, as he’s blocked me, do you agree?

   I’m surprised he has a girlfriend so soon, do you think it’s a rebound? Do I even have any chance of getting him back? And why was he so foul to me?

   Thanks for an amazing website! It has really helped me during this hard time!

1. 

   Em

   July 9, 2015 at 12:02 pm

   Thanks so much for your reply here and also on another comment I made!

   I will stay in NC as I can’t contact him unless it’s via email which I certainly won’t do haha! You also said in the other comment that my chances aren’t completely ruined, although they took a small hit, and it sounded to you like he was still upset about the breakup. Which I do agree to some extent (might be a reason for his hostility), but he said numerous times he was over me, has a new girlfriend and to ‘f off’.

   I feel like he won’t unblock me and I have no chance at getting him back, so I’m going to move on. If he contacts me I will comment back, but I highly doubt it. We were only together for 5 months and he said I was his best girlfriend (like everyone does), but if he’s happy with his new girlfriend then I’m happy for him.

   There isn’t anything I can do but move on, otherwise I’ll have my hopes up for months about whether he’ll unblock me. I think this is his decision for good and don’t know what else I could do.

   Thank you ever so much for replying! You have really helped me throughout this situation! Love your articles and podcasts!

2. 

   Em

   July 7, 2015 at 9:41 am

   I understand you’re a very busy man and didn’t expect a reply so soon! So thank you so much for getting back to me so early! It’s very appreciated!

   Even if it is a rebound he said he loved her. Why do you think he was so hostile towards me? In that he told me to ‘f off’ a few times and called me the C word more than once. His behaviour was uncalled for.

   I don’t see how I’d ever be able to get him back, especially as I’m now blocked on Facebook! I think he’s too stubborn to change his mind, even if he and his new flame did break up. So I think my best bet is to move on, as I can’t see a way to get him back, do you agree?

   Thanks again for your info! I will still be an avid reader/listener to your articles even if I haven’t been able to get my ex back!

3. 

   Chris Seiter

   July 8, 2015 at 11:31 pm

   Your welcome.

   Hmm.. he certainly was hostile.

   Just stay in NC for now. Blocking is fairly common and I bet down the road you will be unblocked at some point.

4. 

   Chris Seiter

   July 6, 2015 at 4:34 pm

   Hi, I have fallen behind on moderating comments but plan on catching up this week.

   Seems like he did move on relatively quickly which is indicative of a rebound.

5. 

   melanie

   July 4, 2015 at 3:06 am

   Hey Chris,
   Loving your podcasts and new look to the website. I wanted to leave a voicemail but having trouble keeping it at 90 seconds :/ Can I leave a 2 minute voicemail?

   Thanks

1. 

   Chris Seiter

   July 9, 2015 at 12:00 am

   Some women have actually.

   Umm… You can also just ask me one question that you really wanted answered.