Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

691 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

  1. Charlotte

    January 17, 2021 at 5:59 pm

    After living together for a year at his family home over 2020 lockdown after only being together for 5 months – very quick, he has now freaked out and said he needs space. I thought all was great! He said he has been having bad thoughts the last couple of months about how serious this is at the age of 25 when he doesn’t have his life together and it’s all too much for him has been scared of hurting my feelings and getting me to move back home partially incase I see it as a step back.
    He doesn’t have a proper job just helps his family business, has no money and hasn’t really achieved anything over the last year and is now having some kind of quarter life crisis about his future and whether he can be responsible for a girlfriend.
    He is not being man up enough to end it so I said have your space. And have now moved home with my family with not even a quarter of my stuff! I don’t want to lose him and waste what has been and amazing year and a half his parents and sisters are texting me saying he needs me and they miss me so much I really became part of the family! He is definitely a guy who escapes going to see the football though, very social and goes out a lot, wants to do his own thing but has been very good to me, I don’t know whether it’s just been the affects of lockdown or what!

  2. M

    January 14, 2021 at 11:33 pm

    My boyfriend of 11 months broke up with me last week because he felt like I wasn’t happy where we were living and that I didn’t do enough to make myself happy (getting healthier and better body). He thinks I belong with my family in another state, so he asked me to leave and I came here to be with them. I gave him a week and texted him to discuss logistics of our apartment. It was a very positive and mature conversation. Long story short, I asked him if he ever thought of trying again because we moved in after a month and a half of dating, so we never really got to be boyfriend and girlfriend and date, especially with coronavirus. Over text, I asked him to consider trying again, which he said he’d consider, but he needs time and space he says, which I am giving him from here on out, but he also doesn’t want me to hang on. I don’t know what to do because this waiting is extremely difficult.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2021 at 10:24 pm

      Hi M, I would agree that you guys moved way too quickly and should not have moved in that soon. I would suggest that you follow the no contact rule and then reach out and get to know him on a dating level first, before trying to be anything more than that.

  3. Juily

    January 9, 2021 at 2:58 pm

    Hello
    My boyfriend tells me that he want space we didn’t talk it’s been 4 day’s now there is a no contact between us he said I’ll msg you when I’m going to be free nd we had a last conversation in that he tells me he is so stressed so he wants time what I have to do I missed him so much

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2021 at 6:58 pm

      Hi Juily, if you are still together then I would suggest that you reach out with a text now and again letting him know you are thinking of him and hope he is okay, do not add pressure to talk to you right now, allow him sometime, hopefully he will come back if you allow space and time.

  4. Lopez

    January 6, 2021 at 2:41 am

    My fiancé and I got in a really heated argument and she said some hurtful comments to where I lashed out and said something hurtful. She immediately severed all communication and said I don’t understand the caliber of damage I just did. She asked for space and said she would reach out when she was ready to talk. The next day I self reflected and sent a super lengthy apology and so forth. Well three days later she finally sends a text saying “I’m not ready to talk, I just wanted to let you know I’m good since we having been talking.” Aka she is physically okay since I worry. I told her I am glad she is okay, and that I miss her and didn’t have to say it back and that I loved her. She said I love you too… well now it has been 5 days total of space and no resolve or conversation yet. I understand respecting space is vital, but at what point do we acknowledge the elephant in the room and resolve the issue? We are engaged. It feels like she’s drifting away. (Not to mention we have went through this before and last time even after speaking she broke up with me a few days later), so the response I feel is that hey we might be in the same place only this time she actually reached out and said something on her own accord. I don’t want to push her away or force her to talk to me, but we are engaged and it’s like we are dead to each other. We don’t even speak or know what is going on with each other each day.

  5. Cams

    January 1, 2021 at 2:17 am

    Hi my boyfriend and I had a huge fight. Then he suddenly break up with me in the middle of the argument. Lately we have been arguing a lot for the same topic. I cried at him and then he said he will think about it.
    I gnatted him for 2 days but nothing works. All I got was swollen eyes for crying for hours. The next day he send me a food delivery and I ask him about it if it was from him. He said he just want to send it to me, I feel touched because he remembers my favorite food. He called me later that night and said that he need to think and was not yet done thinking and he doesn’t want to burn bridges. The next day we met, I went to his place to talk. He let me in and hug me tight. We both cried. But still he ask to give him days to think about us. So I told him I’ll give him a week of space and he nod. I miss him badly. I can’t stop myself from crying. I tried everything and I feel like I have no energy to move

  6. Sarah Hill

    December 15, 2020 at 1:48 am

    Hi, my boyfriend recently found out his parents are splitting up. The last two weeks he has been very distant from me and when I approached him he said that he needed space. I gave him 5 days space and he went back to his parents house and now he came back today and has taken everything back with him. But I’m so confused as he said that he still loves me but I don’t understand why he is treating me like this. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2020 at 10:48 pm

      Hi Sarah, it sounds as if he is not dealing with the split well. He may just want to be at home right now. Leave him be and show him you are not going to hassle or beg him to be in touch with you. IF he ends things then go into an immediate no contact.

  7. Melissa

    November 15, 2020 at 9:40 am

    Hi guys at EBR!!

    Loved this article and I felt it was appropriate for me to drop my story too!

    My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago. During that time we have had multiple contact from both of us. I want to get back with him and I decided keeping in contact and being at his beck and call was not going to help because he was getting the best of both worlds- there when he needed me and single when he wanted to be alone.

    So I decided to give him space and not reply to his most recent message. He seemed to get angry after a few hours that I didn’t reply so I just replied and say ‘sorry I am giving you space’.

    Did I do the right thing or is he now annoyed at me and going to run in the opposite direction? Do you also need to tell an ex you’re doing ‘no contact’? I felt because we’d been speaking every now and again me then going cold Turkey didn’t make a lot of sense so I felt I had to tell him I’m giving him space?

    I’m just looking for some advice moving forward!

    Thank you xx

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 19, 2020 at 7:24 pm

      Hey Melissa, so yes you did right, however I would have said it would have been more effective to just not reply to his angry message either, but for now you keep with your NC and focus on yourself for the rest of this time. Let him miss you

  8. Gabby

    November 15, 2020 at 2:12 am

    Hi team EBR

    I have been dating my guy for a year and half now it’s been on again off again so many times I can not count. Now he says he loves me and we are not together we are working on things and it’s his decision if and when we are together again. Will giving him space chance his mind ? He does contact me still almost every day but it’s not like it was when we were together. Do I still contact him if he does me? What is the best option in my Situation?

    Thank for listening I’m going crazy
    Gabby

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2020 at 6:25 pm

      Hi Gabby, so the first thing you need to realise that you should not be an “option” he either wants to be with you or he doesn’t! You need to make him think/realise you are not going to sit around and wait for him to choose to be with you again, and then drop you when he next feels like it! Read about being ungettable and work on yourself, show him how you are not waiting around for him to choose to be with you or not

  9. Claire

    November 14, 2020 at 2:31 am

    Hi,
    So I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months. Things moved pretty fast since we had more time to get to know each other during quarantine. We established we were in a relationship. Everything was great and we hung out a lot. Three weeks ago he stopped talking to me out of the blue. I gnatted him for a couple days because I had no clue why he stopped talking to me. During my gnatting, He texted me and said he needed to be alone and that he was sorry. He said he was going through some issues. Then he continued to ignore me. I didn’t contact him for a week and he finally called me. During our convo he explained briefly why he retreated and I told him how much he hurt me by ignoring me for 2 weeks. When I asked him where our relationship stood he said that he knew what he did was wrong and he understood if I didn’t want him back. I told him I needed to think about it and we ended the convo. He ended the convo saying he missed me. The next day we chatted some more and things seemed more normal. I told him I wanted to see him and missed him but he ignored my invites to meet up. Then the following day he goes off grid again with no explanation. It’s since been another week he hasn’t talked to me ( wk 3)… I tried to reach out through text but was ignored. Everyone around me is telling me to leave him but I can’t bring myself to… should I keep waiting? If he misses me why doesn’t he want to see me? Why is he ignoring me again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2020 at 9:17 pm

      Hi Claire, from the above I think your guy reached out after you gave him space to test to see if you were still willing to speak to him after him ignoring you for two weeks and you jumped straight back in asking to meet up etc. You need to now No Contact HIM. Otherwise he is going to drop in and out when ever he feels like it.

  10. Summer

    November 6, 2020 at 2:22 pm

    Hey team EBR!!!
    So this is the guy I’ve been with for around 10 months and met twice because of quarantine and he also had broken up with me once 5 months ago on text. We were together after 2 months and then met for 2nd time. The issue is he’s not taking any strong step to make things official or completely committed and upon me asking him that what he really wants, he said he’s not confirmed right now. Actually he’s waiting for his brother to get married first and my family wants to see me settled in my life sooner so in this way it’s getting hard for me to make him convinced and I don’t want to pressurize him. So after being sad and crying on the phone I told him you really need some time once you’re confirmed about me you can tell me but it’s not necessary that I’ll be available. So my question is should I follow no contact rule or simply give him space (no calls & texts) ??
    And if I should give him space how much the duration should be, and should I remove him from social media as well?? Or I should give him a deadline in order to decide and tell me soon so I shouldn’t be wasting my time in thinking when he’ll contact again??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2020 at 5:39 pm

      Hi Summer, so you need to firstly explain to your family that you being settled “soon” is not important to you and that you are focusing on being HAPPY. You need to give your ex some space, following a No Contact for a period of 30 days, work on yourself and do not watch his social media but there is no need to remove him off anything.

  11. Dora

    October 31, 2020 at 9:49 am

    Hi,
    This is quite a confusing story. My boyfriend and I have been together since high school, we’ve now been together for 4 years. On both of our ends it was expressed that even after 4 years we were truly happy in our relationship and our problems were close to none. We had a great bond and could sit around with just each other for hours and have the best time. Now, he’s moved away to start college. This is his first time ever being away from home and having no one he knows around him. It’s basically a whole 180. Long story short he’s realizing there are more interesting people in the world and that he has underlying personal problems that he says he didn’t see until I gave him space. So now I’m giving him space. Unfortunately when we first called I definitely think I gnatted him, but I’ve totally respected him asking for space and haven’t messaged him. He has reached out but he just said that he’s sorry for what’s happening and that he hasn’t forgotten about me and that he’s trying his best to figure everything out before he makes any rash decisions. He’s just at a very confused state. I’m worried if I keep giving him space he’ll forget about me because he’s in an environment with nothing reminding him of me and none of our friends to talk to about this. I really don’t understand how in the blink of an eye you can question your entire 4 year healthy relationship, just after we were talking about getting a place together and arranging a trip for this November. Do you think this is a phase and he’ll come back? We really were great together and this was all so sudden. From what he’s told friends he hasn’t been able to eat properly or sleep because he feels so distraught. But why is he still confused if putting space between us makes him feel like that? I know I don’t need him, but I really want him. We haven’t broken up, we’re just “having space” and I told him to reach out once he’s figured things out. I know I don’t need him but I really want him. Is it really true that I should seem like I’m living my best life by posting things on social media? I’ve been MIA on everything since he asked for space. My gut feeling is that it’ll all be fine, but I’m in desperate need of advice, thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 31, 2020 at 10:10 pm

      Hi Dora, so yes you should be using social media to show your ex how you are doing with out him. Showing him that you are doing great and growing as a person yourself. IF you want to get him back then you are going to have to accept right now he’s experiencing “student” Life and he is going to want to be free to enjoy this time with new friends, if you go into a no contact and show him you are not going to be sitting around waiting for him to come back to you he is going to think about you and miss you

  12. Cap

    October 28, 2020 at 2:03 pm

    Hi,
    My ex boyfriend that I dumped reached out to me after seven months of not seeing each other and me believing that we would never interact ever again. I thought I moved on, and I was seeing another guy, but my ex coming back reopened old wounds and I miss him again. He called me to get closure, but he added me on an app that we used to chat together on and I thought we would be talking again. I wanted to be honest and I told him I was seeing someone, and a day later I asked if we were going to be friends and he said that he needed space. I regret telling him that I was seeing someone especially since we decided to stop seeing each other. I don’t know if I want to get back together, I just wished we would be talking and chatting again like we used to.

  13. ana

    October 26, 2020 at 1:32 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years, lived together for 2 and a half years. When Covid-19 came, our country was under a strict lockdown. WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 7 MONTHS in the house. I guess he grew tired. We gave up the apartment, in the meantime I went back to my parents’ home and decided to stay for a while until I study for my MA next school year.

    We were fine and doing well 1 month of being away but then I noticed he just makes up excuses to seem busy. One day I snapped and confronted him about it. We didnt talk for a day. I told him we needed to talk in person and so the next day he went to my house. He stayed the night and we discussed about us. He said I became quite toxic and he got tired because I always ranted my problems to him. I accepted my mistake and told him I was willing to work on it. We almost broke up, we were both crying but ended up hugging each other and decided for a cool-off. The next day, I totally forgot about our cool off and greeted him for our monthsary, he didnt greet me back so I snapped. I continued to gnat him that week… convincing him to come over and talk to “fix” things. NOW I TOTALLY REGRET THIS!!!!!

    I Wish I HONORED OUR 2 WEEKS NO CONTACT. Anyway, he decided to go with my plan and try to “communicate” and get things fixed. We were okay for a day, acted as couples in a LDR. Until that same night we got invited to a friends’ house (dont worry we were socially distanced) we both went to the gathering and lasted until 4am. At 5am he said he’ll take me home… On the way home he asked how I was and I instantly RANTED again without realizing. I KNOW IM UNCONTROLLABLE.

    Just minutes after, he then decided to say ” I want to break up. I don’t love you anymore” But honestly, I dont believe his words because he was just so kind to me before all these. So I BEGGED him not to break up and managed to make a 2 Month Cool Off / No Contact Deal.

    Here’s what he said:
    * I’ll give your things to your brother (they’re friends)
    * I’ll give you our first dog
    * When our other dog gets pregnant, I’ll let you have one baby
    * That he’s been thinking of breaking up with me for a while and he no longer sees me in his future ( NOTE THAT HIS CAREER IS NOT SO GOOD AT THE MOMENT AND I KNOW HE’S STRUGGLING) and this might just be because of the current situation. His actions were the complete opposite of this before our big fight

    On the second day of the No Contact Rule, I decided to just message him plainly telling him to just let our dog stay with him for awhile and that I’ll be the one to get my things when the time comes… just let it be for now.

    I didn’t expect any reply and yes, I didn’t get any but that’s fine for me.

    During the first 2 days of the No Contact Rule, I was miserable. I went to the beach for 2 days just to clear my head.

    I know, I totally made mistakes. I know I was selfish for begging but I desperately didn’t want him to go. At least, he gave me another chance: The No Contact Rule.

    * He asked what if he meets somebody during this period
    — Gosh I was just crying and I dont really remember what I responded. My mother thinks, this is just to push me away and to agree for the break up so that he can finally have his alone tome considering that on the first attempt of the No Contact Rule, I was an animal. So this was his last choice for peace and quiet. That he said things he didnt mean to. And that time will tell whatever he’s thinking about.

    * He said not to expect that we’ll be okay after 2 months of no Contact.
    — This is honestly what I’m worried about. He’s a man of his words. Family said he’ll miss me.. that I just improve myself for now and give him what he wants. But I’m really not that confident because the things he said during supposed “break up” just keeps echoin in my head.

    I need help on what I should do? How do I maintain our relationship even though we’re in NO CONTACT agreement and that he’s not sure if we’ll be okay even after this. I know men are hard to read so please help me.

    NOTE:
    He has belongings here in our house such as a refrigerator, a bed, and a table.

    How Do I correctly use social media and how do I make sure that we’ll be okay.

    I’m planning on giving him a handwritten “apology / better-me” letter after 1 and a half months during the no contact in hopes that this will help him think, I guess.

    Do you think, I still have a chance?

    Thank you so much! I BADLY NEED YOUR HELP! HOW DO I MAKE SURE THAT HE’LL BE BACK?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 28, 2020 at 4:41 am

      Hi Ana, so first off do not sent a hand written letter to your ex, it does not help and it will not give you the results you are hoping for! During your No Contact you need to spend the time focusing on yourself, not worrying about him or the relationship – you need to be happy without him in your life. This is an important factor in the program. Read articles about the Holy Trinity, and being Ungettable. Use this information to improve yourself, spend time with your family and friends where you can. I cannot really tell you if you have a chance or not, its more about you being willing to follow the program and work on yourself, to give yourself that chance of getting him back.

  14. Jasmine

    October 25, 2020 at 4:18 am

    hi my boyfriend and I broke up today. We’ve been dating for only two months and I’ve known him about a year I would say. He randomly said if our relationship felt rushed and I said no. But he said he feels like he’s not loving himself as much and that he wants to find himself and love himself before we get into something serious. He also said that he doesn’t want to leave me because he loves me and I’m perfect. I’ve told him he can stay and work on himself while with me but reading your article helped me so much, that guys heal differently. He also said that he still wants me to come over to he see him but for now let him heal for his mental health and once he’s stable enough he’ll come back to give me what I deserve. I’m in Mexico currently for two weeks for braces. And I get back home around nov 4th. He asked for me to stay at his house for the weekend or so. Should I stay for the weekend and then no contact rule? As I’m writing this it’s 11:19pm , I’ve been thinking to give his space tonight/ starting tmrw… is that best?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 25, 2020 at 10:11 am

      Hi Jasmine, yes you need to go into a No Contact for at least 30 days where you give him space and also make him wonder why you are not begging and pleading him to get back together. Do not go to his for the weekend, it is unlikely you are going to get back together and just end up having emotional conversations and having a “goodbye” moment. If he feels he needs to work on himself, then allow this and you do the same.

  15. Emma

    October 19, 2020 at 12:01 pm

    Hi. It’s been a whirlwind of a 5 weeks. After the 2nd date we saw each other 2/3 times a week at least, then within 2 weeks seeing each other 4/5 times a week. Within 2 weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend and says he loves me. Within 3 weeks I met his family and his kids. We have an amazing connection in all ways and get on so well always laughing and smiling. He’s hinted on numerous occasions for me to move in. Last Sunday, we had a lovely afternoon/evening until I had a slight paranoia attack about him being on his phone, always on his phone and always got it on him. My ex was living a double life through his phone, hence being paranoid. I didn’t scream or shout at him. I just went quiet, distant and quite snappy. I apologised over and over later that night and said that’s not me, the paranoia took over. I went over to his after work on the Monday to make it up to him. He said that when someone upsets him, it takes a while for him to get over it. I thought we were OK by the Monday night as he said he loved me, and we seemed fine Tuesday morning. However, he went really distant after speaking to him in the morning, then went quiet direct and didn’t really want to speak to me.This isn’t him as he’s always so lovely and we spend ages on the phone. We briefly spoke Tuesday night before going to sleep, he didn’t want to be on the phone long. I asked if we were OK and he said yes of course. Wednesday morning, I received a message from him saying ‘He’s sorry, he needs time to think, as I did scare him the other evening and that he just wants an easy life’ I replied saying all I can is give him his space. However, he messaged me that night asking how I was and just had a general chat. I stupidly messaged him Thursday night, saying I miss you. He read it and not replied. It was my birthday the weekend. I did have a message from him later in the night, but a very basic ‘Happy bday hope you’ve had a good day x’ I replied the next morning, just saying ‘Thank you. Hope you’re OK and having a good weekend x’ Again it’s been read with no reply. I don’t understand if he needs time to think, why he’s sending my these random messages. I don’t want to lose him as we’re amazing together, but then I hate not knowing if we are together or not. I have a lot of things there and don’t know if I should go an get them or give him more time. Sorry for the essay!

  16. Louise

    October 5, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me. He said that he feels like he needs time to be single for a while. He said he does have feelings for me, but can’t give me the relationship that he knows I want. He wants to remain friends and he said maybe his feelings towards me may change, maybe not. That is the gamble that I am taking. Does this sound salvageable? He broke up with me, but wants to spend timw with me. Do I still give him space? Am I wasting my time? Am I permanently friend zoned?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 16, 2020 at 10:07 pm

      Hi Louise, so unless he meets someone else you do not allow yourself to fall into that friendzone! You need to show him that you are working on yourself – using social media not telling him directly. Follow the rules of No Contact for at least 30 days and then go on to reach out using the texts that Chris suggests in his articles. If by the time you start reaching out you find out he is seeing someone else you need to also read about the being there method

  17. Pragya

    October 5, 2020 at 2:11 pm

    Hi
    We are in a long distance relationship since 6 months and now the real life problem starts.
    Ye runs a restaurant which keeps him busy and plus the time difference of 3 and half hrs.
    We are not sure when we will be able to meet since the boundaries are closed..
    He said he needs space since he have a hectic schedule and this type of intimate relationship is hindering him.
    This is killing me

  18. Ezi

    September 4, 2020 at 6:41 am

    Such a great article! My boyfriend told me that he has nothing against me and that he’ll be bad company if he were to be with me and he said he wanted to be in his closed vacuum I assumed that was space I said ‘ OK, I understand, I’ll hear from you when you’re okay.’ after a week I woke up to his text saying ‘ Queen, I’d thought I’d say hi.’ I responded with “hey there” and he never responded again. It’s been 3 days since that “hey, hi” mini greeting. I’m actually well focusing on myself and baby that is his growing inside of me the no contact rule is not only about getting him back, to me it’s also about finding myself and focusing on things that also matter in my life and enjoying myself as a whole it’s a miracle honestly. Space is healthy!

  19. Helpless

    September 1, 2020 at 3:23 am

    My bf and I had a big fight over the weekend regarding my “insecurities and controlling-ness” as he wanted to do something without me and I got mad. We actually broken up once over this issue 2 years ago, but we managed to work things out. The other time, I went into NC immediately after he broke up with me and he texted me the next day to fix things. This time.. things seem worse.. on Saturday (the day of the fight), he was so mad he said he wanted to break up or either take a 2 week break to reflect and figure things out. On Sunday, I tried my luck to reach out to him with small talk and he asked me why I am taking things lightly, that he really needs the 2 week space to reflect and that he can’t compromise. Today is then.. day 2/3 of the 2 weeks. I know I shouldn’t be counting down and that I should be working on myself, but I’m so scared because we practically spent 24/7 together before this break. I’m worried he will give up. I don’t know what to do.

  20. Ann

    August 30, 2020 at 5:40 am

    So not officially my boyfriend, but it felt like we were in a sort of relationship. We started off as friends with benefits, which never ends well, but somehow we would text everyday even twice in one day. If I was busy I would tell him that I will be and that he won’t hear from me. He would then text me when I clearly said I would be busy. It was on and off for a month because we got into little arguments, but then got together again. We haven’t talked in a week. The reason being is he had planned a day for us to spend together. Our parents not knowing of us being together sort of got me nervous. But, we had this plan for over a week and when it was two days before this day would happen I just said to him how nervous I was. That is when everything changed. He started saying that we were at different points in our lives, I’m a little older than him, and that maybe we should be just plain old friends. The thing is that I am assuming that this day he planned was special because why would he get so upset? I ended it with telling him I didn’t want to be friends and we haven’t talked since. Though usually we do talk after an argument, but he refuses to and has since blocked me. His mom and me are close and she knows how hard this has been on me and even tried talking to him. He claims he needs time and space. It is a week and nothing. What he has told me about how he couldn’t see himself being with another girl and made an effort to want to spend the day with me makes me think he really cares, but now not wanting to talk to me is freaking me out. I am so used to talking to him everyday and now don’t know if he is with another girl or even if he still cares.

1 2 3 4 20