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58 thoughts on “Why is My Ex Boyfriend Nice And Then Mean?”

  1. Avatar

    Luisa

    August 28, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    Okay so long story short: amazing three year relationship, sort of a messy breakup since it wasn’t a clean cut, kept hooking up for six months (and basically keeping the relationship dynamic just without the official tittle) then I did no contact and while I was doing that, he started dating this girl that he kept trash talking while we were still together… all of this pointed out to a rebound relationship, still now they’ve been together for a year. However, after no contact we started talking again and it was good, casual.. a bit petty from time to time because he rubbed his new relationship on my face, but technically we were on good terms.

    The new year comes and we barely barely talk.. A common friend told me that my ex said that he was keeping his distance until “things calmed down” (what things i don’t know.. it had been months since the breakup and he had a new relationship and all), yet he wrote to me once asking “what happened to us” and when I answered he basically tells me that he just wanted to see my answer and later when I tell him that this is rude he apologized and said that right now he doesn’t want to talk about it.

    Cut to the new uni semester.. we’ve run into each other a couple of times, one of them at the gym (we met at the entrance, and the he suggested we meet at the cardio room to chat, and we did and then he was like “I’ll see you at the weights room” and we did.. so it was like him insisting on us chatting) and the other one was last week..he saw me with a guy friend and I think he was in a really bad mood..that’s the impression I got, but he was still nice to me.

    Now, on Thursday I saw him with his gf, and I walked right past them minding my own business, the following day was his birthday.. and I didn’t wish him a HBD, because while we were together we would normally celebrate everything a day late, so on Saturday I sent him the cute voice note wishing him well, telling him I cared for him and that I wish he was happy, that I have fond memories of him (we’ve been friends since we were 8), I talked about game of thrones and cake. It was a cute and funny message that clearly showed he had been important in my life… and all he answered was that he was in class that he would listen to it later, and that’s it… It’s been two days..

    I’m a little bit hurt and I can’t find logic behind his actions..

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 7:32 pm

      Hi Luisa,

      You’re friendzoned. Since you slept with him after the break up, you have to be careful that that’s the reason he’s being nice to you again. If I were you, by now, I’m moving on.

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    Cara

    August 27, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    Hi, so I think in my case my ex is keeper by me as an option… he apologized to me a very genuine apology (which is unlike him) 6 months ago by text. I can tell he’s had mutual acquaintances contact me out if the blue and weave in the convo a question to find out if I’m dating or not. A month ago I initiated a text asking how he was doing and he was engaging and even asked me out. Two weeks after that he initiated a check in text to tell he had some big things going on that weekend to imply he couldn’t get together . Okay… that’s good… then a week later my ex mistakenly posted a dating app link on his fb wall. I had a friend who’s on the dating app check and he’s in fact on there , matched with my friend and even messaged her suggesting they text etc., but he never followed up with her. I knew he was on a dating site before and would often see him have his Facebook on AND the dating site on at re same time . I’ve seen him go on /off the dating site multiple times in an hour whenever I’ve posted a attractive ne pic of me ok Facebook. So I’m confused , he’s now on the dating app,,(does that mean he’s over me?) ,,but texts me about getting together, yet sends me an apology which is huge for a guy. Am I the option or is he toying with me? I don’t like being treated like an option. The apology confused me even more . It’s like he takes 2 steps forward and 5 steps back. What else can I do?

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      Cara

      September 4, 2017 at 2:07 am

      Okay update… he texfedvme a “how’s your weekend going ” text last night an hour after I posted a picture at a restaurant , no one was in the pic but after I posted it my friend pointed out that there a reflection of a guy at the table which was unintentional but it seemed to work! So that’s 3 times he’s initiated in the past 6 weeks after 6 months no contact , I am happy the advice he works .

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 7:36 pm

      That’s good! 🙂

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      Cara

      August 28, 2017 at 6:01 pm

      I get what you’re saying but for him to apologize seems like he’s keeping me as a dormant option? I mean why did he bother texting me recently and say he’d catch up with me later . Then there’s the comparing me on fb and dating sites , showing as active as soon as I post anything . To me they are little nuggets /clues of info .. but I guess it’s hard for me to accept what you’re saying .

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 8:13 pm

      That’s actually what I sort of meant. I agree he does keep you an option, but that’s a good thing. Because at this point, it’s more likely that he sees you as the easy option, not because he still has feeling and he wants to try.

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      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 2:35 pm

      It looks like he just apologized to clear his conscience and now he’s just being friendly

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    Confused

    August 27, 2017 at 1:02 pm

    Hi! First I wanted to say this site is amazing and really helpful.
    My exbf and I where together for 2 years, then broke up 6 months ago but I still have strong feelings for him. I started NC right away, started building rapport and this few weeks he would text me, go out with me, touch my hair and all kinds of cute stuff, he even agreed to the “big date” and it was great. When we where on this date, I asked if he was having fun with all of this happening and he said yes, but then went on to tell me that it was kind of weird that we texted and talked over the phone so much, I asked why and he droped the friendzone bomb. He said that we were better off keeping things just like they were now so that we could be friends, that he’d given a lot of thought to it and at first he was confused, but now he knows those feelings were just nostalgia, that our relationship was amazing but is over now and he hopes we can be friends in the future, on top of this, he asked if we could still hang out with our group of friends. I made it clear I couldn’t be his friend and that was it, we ended our date nicely and went separate ways. Haven’t talked to him since (2 days ago). What do you think I should do? Restart NC? I feel he still wants me in his lifePs. We go to college together, but limited contact works just fine.

    1. Avatar

      Confused

      August 27, 2017 at 4:26 pm

      Thanks for replying! For how long do you suggest I do NC?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 1:45 pm

      You’re welcome! At least 30 days

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2017 at 2:23 pm

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    Amy

    August 26, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    How would we know which reason is behind his behaviour?

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      Amy

      August 27, 2017 at 2:21 pm

      He never does what I expect him to do! He is unpredictable! That’s what makes things complicated!

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      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 12:46 pm

      Not predict, but analyze what he already did in the past, when you were together and when you broke up

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      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2017 at 1:49 pm

      you have to assess his past actions and how much you know him

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    Amy

    August 25, 2017 at 3:18 am

    If my ex is acting hot/cold and not sure of what he wants (exactly like the article described) also probably keeping me there as an option. What’s the best way to approach this situation and the way i should communicate with him? Should i mirror his actions to give him the urge to commit? Ie text and flirt then disappear, reschedule dates etc?

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      Amy

      August 26, 2017 at 1:55 pm

      Thanks amor! He’s not dating anyone but probably talking casually to some girls at the side. How should i approach it if this is so?

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      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2017 at 12:58 pm

      nothing, if he’s with somebody else, that’s when you need to be careful. But you’re not suppose to know he’s dating somebody else unless he tells you. So, just act normal.

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      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 26, 2017 at 12:20 pm

      it depends on the situation.. it’s not always like that.. if he’s dating another girl, you have to take a different approach.

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