By Chris Seiter

Published on March 10th, 2022

Today we’re going to cover one of the most heart breaking inquiries I tend to run across.

Basically your ex broke up with you and threw you away like a piece of garbage leaving you wondering if your time together meant anything to them.

In my opinion, it’s rare to encounter a situation where you truly meant nothing to an ex. Though it is possible. That’s what this article is really going to be looking at though. Those types of situations where it’s likely that you meant nothing.

Additionally I’d like to spend some time diving into the psychology of why they’re acting like you meant nothing to them (when you really did.)

So, this article is going to be divided up into three parts,

  1. What Is The Likelihood That You Really Meant Nothing To Them
  2. What Specific Actions Make You Think That You Meant Nothing
  3. Looking At The Correlations Of Those Actions Gives Us Insight Into Your Ex
    Let’s begin!

Let’s begin!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

What Is The Likelihood That You Really Meant Nothing To Them

I’ve already gone on record stating that I think it’s rare you can find yourself in a situation where you meant nothing to an ex.

So, the vast majority of people reading this should probably skip to the next part of the article where I dissect the psychology behind why your ex is making you think you meant nothing to them.

If you were to tie my hands and force me to create the perfect circumstance in which your ex would think you meant nothing to them then there are only a handful of situations I think you could encounter.

  1. You haven’t dated for very long
  2. They are a complete narcissist
  3. They were using you for a green card (which is illegal)
  4. Your time together was a one night stand

Let’s take a moment to talk about each of these scenarios.

You Haven’t Dated For Very Long

Most people freak out when hearing this. I’m here to tell you that most of you can rest easy.

When I say I’m looking for a situation in which you haven’t dated for very long I’m literally talking about a situation where you’ve dated for like two weeks.

Yes, even one month summer fling type relationships mean something to the vast majority of people out there.

But one in which you dated for a few weeks. That creates an environment where they might not care much because the emotional connection isn’t strong enough for them to care.

They Are A Complete Narcissist

If your ex is a complete narcissist meaning they hit ALL of the following criteria,

  • Grandiose Sense of Self
  • Lives In A Fantasy World To Prop Up Their Ego
  • Needs Constant Praise And Attention
  • Have A Sense Of Entitlement
  • Exploits Others Without Any Feeling Of Guilt
  • Intimidates and Bullies Others

Most of my clients think their exes are narcissists but most of my clients are wrong.

It’s entirely possible for a non narcissistic person to seek praise and attention as an example.

Anxious individuals often do this.

I’m looking for an ex that runs the gamut of behaviors.

If your ex is that narcissistic then it’s possible that your relationship existed for them only to prop up their sense of self.

Be on the lookout for scenarios like that. Essentially ones in which the only value of the relationship was simply by being with you not about establishing a connection with you.

They Were Using You For A Green Card

First off, this is entirely illegal.

Unfortunately we have seen this happen and it’s never an easy situation.

Often our clients will beg us to help them fix the relationship to try to win their exes back but we’ve found almost always clients in this scenario are better off moving on.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

It’s complicated because often these individuals are married and going through a divorce or separation.

Your Time Together Was A One Night Stand

If that was all you shared and this person has a history of one night stands…

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Let’s move on to more psychological based situations.

What We Can Learn From The Specific Behaviors That Make You Think You Meant Nothing To Them

This is where things have a tendency to get complicated.

There’s a misunderstanding that many people have when looking at the types of scenarios where they think they meant nothing to an ex.

I’m reminded of the old adage,

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.

That’s a key component to understand here.

Let’s take a look at the specific things an ex does to make you think that you meant nothing to them.

Generally speaking the “meant nothing” behaviors fall into three categories,

  1. They are rude after the breakup
  2. They block you after the breakup
  3. They start dating someone new

But what’s interesting is that two of the three behaviors have nothing to do with indifference, only one does.

What does that tell us?

Well, lets just go through each behavior really quickly and try to understand it on a psychological level before I open up that can of worms.

Your Ex Being Rude To You After The Breakup

This usually is reserved for exes who,

  • Call you names
  • Spread rumors about you to mutual friends
  • Fight with you when you get back in touch with them
  • Etc

Usually their intent of being rude to you is almost always to put the pain back onto you.

After all, breakups hurt and it’s easier to deflect blame and point fingers than to take ownership or even move on.

Of course, if you think about it logically any time you get angry about something it means that on the opposite end there’s something you care enough about to get angry about.

They Start Dating Someone New

Many will point to the fact that their exes are dating someone new as proof they meant nothing to their ex.

It’s a tough one.

I definitely see the argument but here’s what our research suggests.

The more quickly an ex moves on from you after a breakup the more likely they’re trying to avoid the overwhelm that comes with a breakup by distracting themselves with someone else.

Not exactly the most morally sound approach to dating but it’s something we see quite a lot.

In this case I think your ex cares a great deal, to the point that are using someone else to mask their pain which will end up getting them caught in this self fulfilling cycle,

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

One last thing to note on this point. Timing matters a ton here. If you are looking at an ex of yours from five years ago this doesn’t really apply.

They Block You After A Breakup

This is a topic I’ve written extensively about throughout this website.

And even filmed a few videos about,

It’s important to determine what type of block you have encountered.

  1. Soft Block: Meaning you are blocked everywhere important but still have some avenue of communicating with them.
  2. Hard Block: You are blocked everywhere imaginable.

In the vast majority of blocking situations we find that by simply doing nothing and waiting you’ll get unblocked at some point.

Of course, there are a few situations where you don’t get unblocked.

In these rare circumstances then its likely that your ex wants to move on from you and you’ll have no avenue to rebuild rapport.

This would be the case where I would say it’s more likely that you could have meant nothing to your ex BUT even in a full out block I’m going to argue that you still meant something.

After all, you illicit such a strong reaction from your ex that they blocked you.

Intent Matters When It Comes To Learning If You Meant Nothing

Here’s the last point I want to leave you with.

I think intent is what matters the most when determining if your time together with your ex meant something to them.

If they intended to USE you in any way either physically (as a one night stand) or emotionally (as an extreme narcissist) then I think a real argument can be made that “you meant nothing.”

But in my decade of research at Ex Boyfriend Recovery most of the clients that come through our doors claiming they are worried their time with their ex meant nothing to their ex are simply mistaken because they aren’t seeing the negative behaviors from their ex for what they really are, momentary lapses in frustration because their ex is too hurt to be an adult.

What to Read Next

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

2 thoughts on “Why Does My Ex Act Like I Meant Nothing?”

  1. Ivana Nati

    September 17, 2022 at 2:29 pm

    I pushed my ex away multiple times for different reasons and he know what those reasons are. After one break, I asked to break up months later due to outside sources making things worse. We both said hurtful things but not name calling. We still talked everyday and after 3 weeks, I said I wanted to get back together and that I figured out what I wanted. But now he wasn’t sure. He said I hurt him and he didn’t know if he felt the same way. We talked every day for a month and then he started talking to someone else. Another month goes by and I haven’t seen him and we have fought a lot. He is now dating this other girl. He has not come off my phone plan and switched internet in his name. When I turn it off, he calls and begs me not to. He said she is just there while he’s healing and he doesn’t know that it will last. It’s the only thing he knows how to do. I am here wanting him back, still taking care of him. Why not just get back together? Am I missing something?

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      January 1, 2023 at 9:10 pm

      Hi Ivana, so right now he knows you want him – so you will do what it takes to keep him happy. While he gets to spend time with this other girl who is new and “grass is greener” syndrome. You need to cut ties and let him feel that you are moving on and that includes paying for his phone!