My Ex Boyfriend Ghosted Me - How Do I Get Him Back?

320 thoughts on “What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Ghosted You”

Sara Hart

August 16, 2016 at 11:55 pm

hi there

i have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. about a month ago i had to move away for work. before leaving, we had a perfectly solid relationship. we were in love and talked 24/7 and were basically living together. we had planned to do long distance and figure it out as we went. however, after moving, things have been going very poorly and he is no longer making an effort. i am always the one to reach out and text throughout the day etc. i have asked him whats going on and just he says he is more busy at work than i am.

i gave it a couple more weeks and nothing changed, so i brought it up again and we got into an argument. i suggested we take a couple days off and talk about it again after we’d cooled off. after a couple days, i reached out and heard nothing back….he ignored all calls and text message attempts i made in attempt to apologize for the argument and work things out. this was 7 days ago & i have never felt so disrespected by someone …do i assume he is ghosting me? are we broken up? does the NC rule apply here? complicated situation.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 18, 2016 at 3:00 pm

Hi Sara Hart,

it looks like he is ghosting you…and yes, you should start no contact now

Mary

August 9, 2016 at 7:23 am

My situation is particuliar. I’ve been ghosted twice on the same day, different time by my unofficial ex-boyfriend via Facebook and text. I dont know where we stand and what to do either after what happenned 6 days ago (and no contact since).

To give you a little picture of our relationship:
We’ve been together since 10 months and it was a rocky relationship. He is an incredible man who do everything a good man do but he is emotionnally unavailable. Never talk about his feelings or how he feel. He do that with actions. He runs hot and cold. I will spare the details of the many impulsives actions or bad behaviours he had while running cold but I can definitely say I never let it pass, I confronted him everytime with constructive communication, openess, emotionnal self control, mirroring, setting boundaries, compromises and respect.

Now the ghosting that made wonder where we stand and what to do:
While I thought everything was fine between us, he suddenly unfriended me on Facebook without saying anything before his action. Worst, he did also deleted one of my friend too. (He didnt had any of my other friends on his FB). I had a feeling of what made him to do that but I needed to understand why. Three days before he unfriended me, we talked about our next date coming up and told him good night, and to focus on himself and his things to do since he has to deal with some issues and he also shared something on my FB the day before.

I texted him “hey is everything ok? Is there any problem with me? I noticed you deleted me on FB when I wanted to share something. I don’t know if you did that because you wanted me to talk to you but if so, why not tell me? If we haven’t talked since 3 days, its because I wanted to give you some space to focus on yourself and your things to do”

He replied “No, I don’t have a problem with you” . Then I asked ” Ok but why deleting me on FB?”. His reponse was ” because you are never connected and you didn’t talked to me the whole week”. What he said along his action was too much for me to handle this time. I started to lost my emotionnal control in some ways, bruised.

I told him ” I don’t get it. It doesnt make sense. This isn’t even a reason to do so. You know I’m checking FB everyday and about talking to you, it was just 3 days ago. Im not the only one on your FB with your 200 friends who doesnt comment or post things everyday. Why deleting me specifically? I felt like you was playing games or trying to break up out of nowhere. It wasnt funny to feel that way. I can’t guess and understand what you want or don’t want, if you want me to talk to me or not because you say nothing. ”

Instead of replying me back, he is ignoring this and confirmed he made the reservation about our date coming up. That’s usual of him to run away and avoid confrontation when its related with something he did and when emotions inside him can be awaken. Knowing this, I stopped the conversation and asked if we can see each other after his work because I have a lot to say. He told me to call him at his break time. I did and asked again if we can see each other after his work. He was avoiding again, I tried again until he asked “what is the matter with Facebook?”. At this point, I was litterally hurt to see how much he is careless, so emotionnally unavailable, how cruel it was to delete me without being honest and that I couldnt do nothing if he doesnt open up. I asked again why he did unfriended me, what made him do that for real. He said ” I already told you. You are never connected. I never see the green button that show you are online” . Now this as another reason. Green button… The pain was getting worst…. I told him since the beginning Im always in Offline mode even Im checking FB everyday since when its bothers him? I aint the only one either between his 200 other friends. Again, he repeated the same things, avoiding, lying by saying he did deleted many ( he just deleted 2. Me and my friend. How I know? His friend list is public).

Then he switched the topic without answering and asked me a question: “when did I told you to not call me this week?”. As expected there was something that bother him behind his actions and reasons but still that hurts and it was unnacceptable for me. I tried my best to keep self control despite all and tried to make constructive communication until the moment I totally lose myself and I told him that I couldnt handle more, I couldnt accept this, I dont want to play more games anymore, etc. I was a total wreck at that moment. While I was saying all that, he cut me off saying “this sunday, i will pass to take my stuffs back”…. I hung up.

He threatened to break up. This wasnt the first time he do that when there’s confrontation. Not long ago, I warned him that next time he will threat to break up, I wont hold him. (Before, I was asking “are you sure this is really what you want?”)… Not this time.

I knew our relationship is over unless he doesnt open himself. I was so hurt. I blasted him by texting everything on what I feel, what I think, what I see, what I dont want and what I want with him, what I hoped…

He replied back “call me”. I was so fucked up and heartbroken that I didnt want to call him.

I texted again saying “the only thing you have to keep in mind on all my sayings is that you hurt me badly ok? And me, Im so mad for letting my heart open to you when I realized too late that you are not capable of doing the same. Im not mad at you for hurting me, consciently or not. I made the mistake to believe in you and us. I’ve always been alone without your support for all the shit we have been thought so for this one, I will be alone too. If you really want me, you will do the right things for real. Im not going to call you to hear you say its not your problem if I feel that way, Im not going to call you to hear you asking me questions of why I didnt talked to you past few days or whatever. If you really want me, you will give yourself in. You wont pass with cowardice, egocentrism, manipulation and a closed heart. All of you want is to run away from problems or anything related with emotions, leaving me alone to deal with, and you trying anything to forget and make it like it was when it was good between us and just have fun without yourself getting involved.”

This is how it ended. He didnt texted back and he didnt confirmed for picking up his stuffs at my place. Usually he always want the last word, trying to get control or confirming to pick up his stuffs. This time, nothing at all. I didnt contact him either. I tried my best to focus on myself, been with friends, packing his stuffs in a box, etc… Last sunday, I was expecting him to come or confirm for his stuffs, I was even ready to leave the box at the door because I dont want to see him. I heard nothing from him.

I wanted to contact him a last time to tell him this after Ive cooled down:

“An action before a word does more harm than saying the truth. That words that arent true to meanings does more harm than saying the truth. Facing reality alone, keeping everything in itself and forgetting everything does more harm than facing that with someone who cares about you and to free yourself because the pattern will repeat and follow you all your life. Honesty and opening itself would have causing less damages. I would understand more of what you are trying to show me and I would react differently without blasting you. Its not you or unfriending me that fucked me up but how you did it and what made you push to do so. The rest got fucked up. Its a shame because you’re a good man and I can not do anything if you refuse all.

For sure, its broken between us but if you have something to say about yourself on what I said and you are sincerely willing to work and change your behaviours , Im here. Other than that, its truly over. What should I do with your stuffs here?”

I didnt sent him yet because I wonder if its worth it. If I should just let it go. If I should just send a text to ask when he want to pick up his stuffs. I love him, I want to give him a last chance and want to put an end on all that which is why I wanted to send the last message. One thing is sure, I cant keep his stuffs here for long. I cant keep hanging with all those questions in my head. The faster I get rid of his stuffs, the faster I will heal.

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 11, 2016 at 11:42 am

Hi Mary,

if you will really heal faster when you give his stuff, text him that his stuff is ready and ask him when he would pick it up.. if he doesn’t answer, let him be and continue on your no contact period.. start to improve yourself and doing other things. If he contacts you for your his things during no contact, it’s ok to answer him as long as you only talk about his thing. Don’t talk about the relationship or your feelings… You should do 30 days..

J

August 8, 2016 at 2:41 am

Hi everyone,
My ex asked me for a break 2 weeks ago, we were fine perfectly fine he got me roses that weekend and we spent the whole weekend together and then he goes home and texts me that he needs to be out of a relationship because he really need to focus on himself. We dated for a year and obviously our relationship had its ups and downs but it was all normal.
I understand that he has so much going on in his life right now but also I wish we could work things out instead of him leaving.
He said that he doesn’t want to lose me and that we can be together after he is done uni which is in December.
I know its too long to even call it a break but I think is a break. Or at least thats what I keep holding on to.
Last time we talked he said that he loves me and that wants to be with me forever but he thinks we really need this break that both of us are going to benefit from it. But what I dont understand is the fact that we haven’t talked in 2 weeks. I never begged (maybe a little when it just happened) but then I just said: “I love you so much that i am letting you go”. I know he loves me but honestly Im so sad guys. So I been reading all the articles and I been doing the no contact rule for 16 days, he hasn’t contact me tho. Guys what should I do?
I’ve been just focusing on myself and trying to be a better person and reading all the articles but I need personal advice since I feel like my situation is completely different than most of them.
Also his birthday is coming on in a couple days and I dont know if I should text him or what to text.
Thank you so much it means so much

J

August 10, 2016 at 12:23 pm

Hi amor
Yes I’ve been going out with friends and spending time with my family and going to the gym everyday and just staying distracted as much as I can. I feel better, but I miss him so much and I can’t stop wondering if he is ever going to come back 🙁 that just breaks me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 11, 2016 at 5:40 pm

that’s normal.. add on meeting new people too because that’s very important.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 8, 2016 at 1:55 pm

j

nope, don’t greet him.. what bew things are you doing? you should start a new routine now..are you going out with friends?

Amy

August 6, 2016 at 8:28 pm

Hey team 🙂
I would like some help! I had been seeing this guy for a few months and it was going amazingly he seemed so into me messaging me constantly saying all this sweet stuff and treating me so well in person. Suddenly he starts to get distant and eventually just doesn’t reply to my messages. After a few weeks he suddenly texts me saying sorry for being an idiot and asks how I’ve been and messages me on several different social media platforms but I only respond on text asking why he ignored me to which he said he doesnt know so I ask why he’s messaging me now to which he ignores. Another week goes by and and I get drunk and mistakingly message him a message on snapchat which apparenltly didn’t make sense. He then starts texting me saying he misses me loads (I don’t say it back i just say it’s his fault for acting up) and he then says he wants to take me out and I suggested an aquarium and he said he’d take me out the week after next because I said I was busy that week. We exchanged a few more messages before he then ignores me AGAIN. It’s been 2 weeks now and still no sign from him. What should I do?!! I really want him back I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him, please help!!

Amy

August 8, 2016 at 6:36 pm

So should I initiate contact or wait for him to? And what should I say? Thanks for your help
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 10, 2016 at 8:29 am

yes, initiate contact after 45 days and then use a topic that he always loves talking about
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 7, 2016 at 11:37 am

hi Amy,

he’s hot and cold.. try to do 45 days no contact. Improve yourself, get busy, go out with friends and then initiate contact

Mia

August 5, 2016 at 7:36 pm

Hi Amor and the rest of the Team and a big thanks for all your help!

My ex ghosted me about a month ago. In June, I felt like our dating relationship was going backwards rather than progressing, and long story short I brought up that I wanted to take a break and cut things off. He genuinely seemed disappointed and said he didn’t think our relationship was one-sided or that it was a good idea to cut contact, but agreed to do what I thought was best. A week later we met at an event and I offered him the opportunity to talk things through in a couple of weeks. He was happy and receptive to the offer then but never contacted me to confirm any plans within the time window I’d given. Afterwards, I texted him with a bit small talk; the topic of reconnecting wasn’t brought up and his tone was now suddenly serious and brief and the conversation ended quickly.

Since then, I’ve been in NC for 25 days. I have no intention to end it any time soon or start texting him again myself after the past events. I’m sure we’ll have our next run-in at some event either later this month or in September. I’ve worked on myself and on living a great life in the meanwhile. Heck, I’ve even bungee jumped, which knowing him should earn a lot of interest and respect if/when he gets to hear about it (sadly, I have no action pics for social media)! I’ve also posted a great new profile picture on fb according to Chris’s guidelines in another article, which racked in attention. Even my ex liked the photo – a full two days after I put it up, though I’m fairly certain he’d seen it before that since he had been online.

Any reactions or advice on how I should continue from here and what to do during potential run-ins?
I feel like we had a great connection and a lot of fun together in our ten months, but practical issues and mutual inexperience have made things difficult, and now the “who broke up with whom” feelings are surely confusing on both parts. I still hope to think he’d too want another try given the signs I’ve seen.

Mia

August 5, 2016 at 7:41 pm

P.S. I have a terrible habit of misusing the term run-in, what I mean is that I’ll be running into him – hopefully no arguments in store haha!
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 6, 2016 at 4:28 pm

Hi Mia,

Thank you!
I think you have a chance. It’s just it got complicated in the end.. maybe he got bored, didn’t realize he was neglecting you and then during the break he realized it.. not that the break caused the fall off of the relationship.. I agree that that’s the right move but right now, after nc should be a restart.. like start off as friends first.. coz he would probably think you are trying again when you reconnect, so you have to refrain from being angry or blaming him or any negativity so that he won’t think about the negatives of the past relationship

Samantha

August 4, 2016 at 2:47 am

Hi Chris / amor
I was with my ex boyfriend for 2 years and 5 months and he just breaks up with me and says ” I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore ” and we haven’t talked since then … I’m not sure if he ever really loved me and how do I get him back in my life I need your help ! Thank you for you time .

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 5, 2016 at 10:47 pm

hi Samantha,

how old are you and him? You should start the count of no contact after this because even if you haven’t talked in a month, you didn’t start improving yoursf as well and having a new routine and meeting new people.. I think you should do 30 days

M.

August 3, 2016 at 10:49 pm

Hello!
I am in a same situation with my ex..we had a relationship last summer which ended by him after 2 months i left (because he lives in an island village and i in a town in the mainland),because he wanted someone else as he said.. After a while he tried sometimes to talk with me on fb but i was negative until i deleted him because i though he on purpose tried to make me jealous.. Anyway after one month i move to the island so i visit the village once a while,his sister is my friend so we talk and i learn things like he looks ours conversations sometimes or that he never wants to listen about me..and also we meet with him outside but he doesn t talk to me,not even look at me..only the third time that happens to be alone he says hi and ask if we can be friends.. But for the next 2 months he avoids me clearly, hides in his room,don t come out with his friends.. About 2 weeks ago i come to stay in the village for holidays, i meet him and his friend in the beach ,he never talks to me,or even passes near me but i catch him looking at me at times,so does my cousin..after 2 days a friend of his talk to me and seeing me quite troubled asks if i am still interested and if i d like to talk to my ex.. He said that he liked me still since i was his first so i agreed..and we talked..he said he s sorry for what he did and asked if i d like to do sth with him,that je wanted to but not have a relantionahip.. I asked him to be clear and honest about wanting me,not cheating etc..he said he is..so we were together again, he talked to me on fb and agreed to meet me but yet in frond of our friends didn t do anything.. We met some nights we started argue because he acted like that and i thought he had another girl in his mind butbhe said no everytime,then one day he said that he doesn t want relantionship because he will be very sad when i leave like last year when he was crying,but eventually agreed that it was the same with or without relantionship, then we huged and continued makind out.then one morning he texted me that he didn t want anymorre cause other guys made fun of him beacause i m quite older than him..i asked to meet and talk and he started saying messed things like he cant do it , that he liked sex but he doesn t want anympre,that he wanted then but not no,then refusing ,then saying that he likes another girl ,then that he doesn t like me anymore suddenly..so i left him.later talked to his friend and he said that he had changed this year long and has changed 5 or so girls without having relantionship ever,that he din t want to do sth with me at first but when he said he would because he likes me too,the other one said yes.also that he s in love with someone else and said that i am ungly…but i don t know if those are true or not..but since he broke me up again he avoids me again, stay in the house or sit far away without looking at me.. So really…i have no clue, avoid someone,avoid eye contact even when you re together but being jealous..does it mean he has feelings or not??what can i do now??

M.

August 15, 2016 at 11:49 pm

So you think that too…yesterday it happened and i saw him with his friends passing from the beach.ipwe didn t notice each other at first but then his friend saw me,turned to him and he looked,i pretented to look somewhere else but then i saw as they walked his friend again tald something to him and looked back to me. Then the same afternoon he came to were i was sitting with his sister and our friend and sat and talk to them,then asked if he could send a message to someone but he couldn t so he left.. And today he was sleeping to his friend again so they passed from the beach again and they came closer this time and his friend said sth i didn t listen but i heard him say “i don t want to”! And they passed said hello to my cousin and left…and then again this evening we were out and when i came to the table he left and he was all the time with his phone texting i think..after a while my company said we leave and i left with a boy first , then when the rest came he was together with one of his friends.. But after some minutes they left together.. I don t know what to make from all these! I can t tell if i have any hopes or not or what i do ??
M.

August 14, 2016 at 12:58 am

I don t have much to do anymore and a very little time… i just try to look as gorgeous as i can when i am out,be happy and smile and laugh a lot when he s around..and today a very good looking boy was next to me talking and i saw that he was staring and then even come close to us for a moment but i don t know if it was to check or accidental.. But also we were talking with my conpany to go to a place and his friends were around. I didn t go out but i saw he and his friends went to that place i d go..again i don t know if its a coincidence or done on purpose..i really can t tell!could it be?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 15, 2016 at 6:01 pm

hmm the first one when he moved closer when you were talking to a guu, looks intentional
M.

August 12, 2016 at 11:59 pm

I don t know how..i thought i coukd try to come closer to his friend that he s jealous and he was jealous as he told me but should i continue ? Does he really care or it s just his ego?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 13, 2016 at 3:57 pm

that’s probably more his ego.. you have to be more focused in your own growth, not just in making him jealous
M.

August 11, 2016 at 1:49 am

Well , i do bump into him even if i try to avoid it.. And we don t talk anyway,since he usually leaves when i come but i wont stay here for that long..soon i will leave and i wont return anytime soon..so i don t know what to do since no one will help talk to him … I am just told that he doesn t feel anything about me ,he s just jealous out of ego…i don t know what to beleive..?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 12, 2016 at 8:50 am

if that’s so, that means he has to think that you have moved on later on so,that he would be open to being friends again.
M.

August 8, 2016 at 10:01 pm

Yes .. We re in a village..his friend said that he didn t mean it,just trying to convence himself and others he don t want me.. I really don t know what to do.. He clearly avoids me,cause when i come he leaves, he started pressing like to other girls and his ex again but when i am with his friend he asks him what we do together or when he s around i catch him looking at me sometimes,, i know if i talk to him he wont admit anything but what else i can do ? I don t like being like this,.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 10, 2016 at 4:08 pm

do no contact. try 30 days and just avoid the places that you might bumped into him
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 5, 2016 at 6:08 pm

Hi M,

he said you’re ugly? that’s disrespectful…right now, you live near him right?

Anon

August 3, 2016 at 2:05 pm

Hello Chris/Amor!

I’ve posted on this site before. But my situation has changed a little bit. To recap, we were together for almost 2 years. We had a baby and he already had a son from a previous relationship. Things were great for the first year, but as it got closer to the baby’s due date, i think he panicked and he started being distant and not treating me very well. Also, he is a recovering alcoholic. We broke up before the baby was born and got back together a few weeks after she was born.

He relapsed really bad and I begged him to get help. After a few months, he went 3 hours away to rehab adn stayed for 3 months. He would call a few times to check in and talk a little bit. But when he was done with the program, he decided to stay in the different city. He asked me to move with him but i didn’t think it was a good idea. I wanted him to come home. He got very angry and broke up with me. He would continue to call and text me. After talkig to him for a few weeks, I did no contact for 40 days. We started contact again and I moved from texting to phone calls and things were going great. But he said he wanted to come to town for my birthday weekend and see us. I got so excited! But i waited all weekend and he never showed. When I would call, hsi phone was off. I waited until a few days into the next week and called again, but his cell service was turned off!

I’m pretty sure he’s gotten a new number. Honestly, that’s not unusual, he’s changed his number a lot but has always given me the new one until this time. It’s been 2 weeks since my birthday and I have heard nothing from him! I emailed him just saying things were good down here and I hoped things were good for him to and to call me when he could.

I’m lost and I just don’t know what to do. Last time we talked, he said he wanted to come back home. But one of our mutual friends says he is now thinking of moving to a different state. I don’t know what to do to get him to come home to his family and be with me and his kids again. Please help if you can!!

Anon

September 2, 2016 at 8:30 pm

That makes sense. But this is the first fight we’ve had since May when he said he decided to stay away! After the no contact every time we talked has been fun and really good. Until now. And I kinda made it sound like I had been on dates, even though I haven’t had time, because I was worried he thought I was just waiting for him. I don’t know how he can go from missing me and wanting to come back home to wanting me to move on in 2 weeks. I was thinking I’d go no contact again for a few weeks until we both calm down at least
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 3, 2016 at 2:53 pm

yeah I agree
Anon.

September 2, 2016 at 2:19 am

Ugh. I think I ruined everything. I left him alone for a fee days after my freak out. I called him just trying to talk. He talked for a little bit about my job and stuff. And then he asked what was wrong the other night. I said well I don’t really want to talk about that and that I didn’t mean to be hostile but I meant the things I said (he hasn’t been there for me or his child). And it’s like he got mad. He said he was having a hard time and he can’t deal with me freaking out and he wants me to go out and have fun and date. And I told him I have been going out, did you think I wasn’t? And he got upset again. He said if I couldn’t handle our situation to not try to get a hold of him anymore. And then I just hung up the phone. BUT I called back and he answered…and we argued some more. No yelling, I didn’t get emotional or cry or anything. But we did argue. I told him I was upset that he’s running away from his responsibilities and I wanted better for him. He also lied to me about his job.he hasn’t worked in weeks. And then he hung up on me. But when I called he answered again. And I asked if you don’t want me to talk to you anymore why the hell are you answering me? And he said because you will just call again.

I’m so sorry. That was long and sad. I haven’t talked to him in about 5 days. His birthday was Monday and I didn’t call or text. I don’t know what to do. Does it seem like he doesn’t want to talk anymore??
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 3:37 pm

what’s sure is that he just wants you to move on.. and he’s tired of the fights.. In order for you to have a restart.. you have to start as friends first but if he sees that you’re just chasing him and picking fights with him, that’s less likely to happen.
Anon.

August 25, 2016 at 4:54 am

Okay so I snapped. I tried to call him and he didn’t answer but he texted. So I asked him to answer but he said he couldn’t. And I thought maybe he was with another girl. So I went psycho and texted that I needed him to talk, he really needs to be there for me, I’ve been raising our baby on my own and I’m stressed, then he texted thst he could talk later and a called him a coward and a deadbeat and told him I hated him. I realize I screwed up…I think I screwed everything up…
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 29, 2016 at 12:08 pm

Relax.. you’re human.. just let everything cool down for now
Anon

August 21, 2016 at 10:35 pm

See that’s what I felt like he meant. I just didn’t want to get my hopes up.

I just don’t know what I should do. I still want him back but I don’t want to push him or make things harder for his recovery. I heard from someone he’s having a really rough time by himself so far away. I wish he would have told me.

When I talk to him, should I stay away from bringing up getting back together?

You are amazing, by the way. Thank you so much for your help. You must be so busy!
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 22, 2016 at 10:40 am

THank you! Yep, it’s not the right time to ask. Basically the best you can do is to have a positive image and keep being interesting. Don’t put yourself in the position that you are the ex trying to get back with him. Let go of that. Have your own life and be that person he would be curious to know more because whenever he speaks to you it’s just fun and whenever you don’t, he just sees you’re having fun.
Anon

August 16, 2016 at 7:47 pm

Thank you so much for your help!

I talked to him earlier today. He called while I was at work and we talked for a few minutes before I cut it short. I asked how he was after he wanted to talk about me for a little bit. He said he was good, work is slow, and then he said he was thinking he woukd just stay in the city he’s in instead of moving to another state or moving back home. I tried to react neutrally so I said “Cool, is that where you want to stay then?” And he went into talking about how it’s really hard to be so far away and he’s not sure if he wants to stay away. He kept saying “I dont know what the future holds so we’ll wait snd see”

Do you think he used “we” to imply us like me and him together? I didn’t talk about our relationship at all, I only told him how much I liked my new job and the baby is doing great. I’m just confused, I don’t know what he meant by the future comment
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 18, 2016 at 1:10 pm

yeah I think he’s referring to you and him
Anon

August 12, 2016 at 1:12 am

Thank you Amor! I tried calling him last night but his phone must have been dead or he turned it off. I’m going to give it a few days and try again.

I understand that he needs to prove iit to me that he is serious. I just don’t know hwo to go about that. Do I flat out tell him or is there another way? I’m so sorry if i’m taking up a lot of your time!
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 13, 2016 at 8:18 am

No, it’s ok.. just ask whenever you need to.. I’m sorry I didn’t understand. What do you mean by telling him? Telling him that he needs to prove himself? You can tell that that what you wanted to see but be observant too because he might ask what he specifically needs to do and he will do it but what happens when he’s comfortable again?
Anon

August 10, 2016 at 12:44 am

You’re right. I’m just so ready to be a family with him again. Could I keep talking to him to keep up our rapport or should I give him more space? Thank you so much for your replies. It really helps to talk to someone.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 11, 2016 at 1:13 pm

he’s hot and cold.. so let him prove first if he really is serious.. you can talk to him but don’t move too fast..
Anon

August 4, 2016 at 2:31 pm

Thank you, I hope so too. I’ve told him so many times before that he needs to work on himself. I’m sure it’s hard for him too. Yeah that’s the problem, I’m afraid he could just be using me for emotional support.

He finally called last night from a completely new number. He asked how I was doing, apologized for not showing up, etc. But then he asked if I was seeing anyone else. I havent been, I’m way too busy working and with my baby. So I tried to change the subject but he kept bringing it back up. So i just said I’m not looking to jump into anything with anyone right now, I’m too busy. Was that okay? He asked if I would be okay with him moving back home and I said I didn’t know.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 6, 2016 at 9:40 am

that’s ok but him moving back too soon may not be the best option..
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 3, 2016 at 6:56 pm

Hi Anon,

don’t force him… he’s got problems with himself that he needs to sort now..and I hope he is because that’s better than being with you and using you for emotional support and then not really doing the change..

kate

August 2, 2016 at 7:10 am

my ex said he misses me 2 days after breakup, next day said we could not speak for 6 weeks and that he would try to speak to me. 5 days later he never tried. one of my friends spoke to him and he said he knows i am feeling bad. even after my friend asked him if he wants to let me know he’s okay, he told my friend not to tell me anything. now i’m blocked. what is happening?..

kate

August 4, 2016 at 5:44 am

he deleted my friends and blocked them too 🙁

i was only concerned. what now.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 3, 2016 at 2:26 pm

Tell your friend to stop talking to him about you two.. although she is being helpful.. I think he thinks you’re trying to talk to him through her..

VP

August 1, 2016 at 11:07 pm

Thank you so much for this site. We were friends for a year and had a short 4 month relationship….that was good. really good. I got scared (my past) he pulled away and finally he said i was great, he needed to work on himself and his goals. I didn’t beg or plead (learned from my past). just told him he was a good person, i had fallen for him, i wish him the best etc. deep down dying inside. its been a week. I am only on day 4 of NC….i texted lasted week asking if he wanted some stuff. he didn’t reply, i didn’t either. Its really hard today. I think he is talking to someone else. And i feel silly that i feel so deeply and am so hurt by such a short term relationship. I love the 30 days no contact it…because I know at the end it gives me a goal to be able reach out to him (because every minute i want to tell him how much i miss him) and hope that we can reconcile or I will be better off and not even want to. Im keeping myself occupied reading and reading and re-reading all the articles and comments. Thank you guys so much for support.

VP

August 1, 2016 at 11:35 pm

And to add…I am 38. He is 29. He chased me. for a year. he was pretty smitted with me. always wanted me around. gave me keys to his apt after 2 months. and the moment i got scared, spoke up, it went to shit. And i tried to not be annoying nagging girl. gave him a lot of distance but was there when he needed me. I am thinking now that was a mistake. I was hopeful for a month we would get back to where we were and be even strong, and boy was i wrong. he ran. geeze this sucks. and how the table turned. i didn’t think id be the one to fall so hard. I thought i would be the one to want out. I just want him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 3, 2016 at 1:44 pm

Hi VP,

thank you for supporting us.. well, at least you can give him space now.. It’s probably hard for you because you’re still in the honeymoon period

Amelia

August 1, 2016 at 12:29 pm

By ghosting, I don’t mean completely not contacting me as is described in the article. I mean reading my message and ignoring me for days then replying, then ignoring again…

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 3, 2016 at 9:46 am

Hi Amelia,

when was the i love you’s? is it only at the start of the break up and then later on he just basically continue to message you but not really said he wanted you back?

Annie

August 1, 2016 at 7:39 am

Hi Team!
I wish this post had been out earlier. I mean I was ghosted by my ex after one fight. I tried to implement NC but failed after 2 weeks. I called him to request a clear end and he gave it to me, but after much consideration, I still want him back so badly. I’m on my 2nd week of NC again, and now reading this post, wondering if I’ve blown my chance off…
Thanks
h

August 1, 2016 at 12:39 am

Hey guys! All of your articles are so informative! I was hoping you could shed some light on my situation. I have written about my situation on here before. We broke up 2 years ago and since then we have been in nc, since then I have made a lot of improvement in my life. I changed my major, got a new job, been traveling alot, going to be studying abroad soon and lost a lot of weight. He reached out to me a couple of weeks ago asking me out on a date. so we went to the movies and our special park. He told me that he missed me and was thinking of getting back together. However, we ended up fooling around but i told him no sex and now thinking back, I shouldn’t have fooled around with him, because I feel like i lost value in his eyes. But after our date, we texted for a couple of days and he stopped replying 2 weeks ago. So i decided to reach out to him, so i texted him about a movie that we talked about on our date, but he never replied. He has been looking at my sc and stuff though. Now I feel like he’s ghosting me and I’m not sure why, because after our date he said he really enjoyed it and that he was always down for hanging out and that he really missed me and was thinking of getting me back. Could you please give me some insight into why he is giving me mixed signals and now ignoring me? thanks!

h

August 3, 2016 at 1:21 pm

What should I do from here? Ive been in nc for a week now. Do you think he will ever talk to me again? Everything he did and said seemed like he was wanting to get back in a relationship with me, but I think it was a little too fast like you said. What is your advice on what I should do in this situation? thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 3, 2016 at 6:42 pm

I think you should do either 30 or 45 days and then after that start with texting first, and then calls and then meet ups again..build rapport in texts so you can move up to calls and then calls for meet ups
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 3, 2016 at 10:05 am

Hi H,

I think it was too fast for him.. maybe yes he still has feelings but he doesn’t really want to go back and he doesn’t want you to expect more..

June

July 30, 2016 at 10:35 am

Hi,

We were friends for long years, I was his support when he had problems with his last girlfriend 4 years ago and when he left that relationship. Eventually, 1.5 years later, I left my long relationship of 9 years, too. There was always some sort of tension between the two of us and whenever there was an opportunity to be close, we wound up together. We used to work at the same company, so at any event we both visited, we ended up in each others arms. After we first kissed, he said he needed to get out of my life because he could not handle what happened (we were in the same friend circle, he and my ex boyfriend knew each other). We didn`t talk for almost a month, and after every major similar event, we broke contact. Last New Year`s I ended up sleeping at his place for the first time, and the next day he told me we would be so perfect if only we had just met somewhere out of the blue, but he still wants that feeling -so we moved out of each others` life. by the end of February, we were talking again, he reached out to me. After some time, again, he just disappeared. Then we met up again at an event, he said he was dating someone, but every day he missed me. We then started a casual relationship, something like FwB. But I could not handle it, so I broke it off in January. He came back and I told him, I am not able to continue, we either give it a go and have a normall relationship, ir I am not able to do it. We tried. We were together for 6 months and it was actually good. He left our company and moved to a new one about 2 months ago. I started to have bad feelings about a month ago, and I was sure he was talking to some other girls. Two weeks ago I sat him down and asked what was it about. He said, it just felt so good to talk to someone without any sense of `must`, because he was starting to feel that way with me like I pressured him. So talking to this other girl was sort of a relief. He also has narcissistic tendencies.. he needs to be complemented from time to time to get his ego stroked and I knew there were coworkers, too he was chatting to. Last week he went to a party with colleagues and I had a feeling he would cheat on me. He was distant with me even though I did everything for his comfort. So when I asked if he wanted to have a shower with me, he replied – he wasn`t sure. I was devastated. I came out and for the first time in my life I checked his phone. Found a conversation with a girl where she was just sending photos of her legs saying, `maybe one day you will get to know me..` and the colleague, it was pretty obvious from the chat that something happened between them indeed.
So i gathered all his stuff, packed it up and sent him away. Asked if he ever loved me, he said he did, he still does, but is uncertain if that`s enough. he said he had no plans of what happened, it just came in the heat and that it would not happen again. I asked if he intended to date these women. he said no. Still, I sent him away and asked him to only ever return if he would honestly be thankful for me being in his life.

We haven`t talked then. A couple of lines only. I told him I missed him, he said he did, too and it was hard for him but he didn`t know how to handle this. I said in time we will know, but for now it`s better this way. He said – I think it`s good like this.

My question is… I was very shy and had absolutely lacked self-confidence. In a way, I almost think I created this situation with my panic and constant questioning. I know he is probably tired of me now and probably any other new person is a relief.
I have called a psychologist to get myself back on track mentally, to regain my trust in myself. I have lost lots of weight in the past years, and I have evolved actually into a beautiful woman-but in my head I used to be the fat little girl and I could not escape it. I just understood all this when we broke up.

Please can you help? I used to be his absolute gold standard compared to everyone else. But now I am afraid I lost this. What can I do to raise my value in his eyes – what if he never will contact me again? I am actively trying to better myself so that if I ever get the chance, he would see me as a beautiful, radiant, well achieved girl he used to love in me, with lots of self-love. I truly believe that would change everything.
But what if he does not contact me anymore? And remains out of my life. What happens if he starts dating these women? Is he just filling up the void now? Is it possible, that now that he has gained freedom the women he is now seeing will lose their values in his eyes.. and I will slowly gain back mine? Like the grass is green effect? What do I do if he finds a girlfriend. Is there a gameplan for this situation?

June

July 31, 2016 at 3:40 pm

Hi Amor,

thanks so much for getting back to me so quickly. I am aiming to stabilize myself and to build back all the confidence I used to have in me. But I am still wondering, how I can let him know about my progress if we are never to meet again?
If he finds a girl now is it likely to stay or would it be just a consolation, a rebound kind of thing? Is there a chance for the upgraded me to get his jaws to drop?
What can I do for this to happen? Can you help on this? What do you suggest?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 31, 2016 at 7:01 pm

social media helps a lot, mutual friends too.. when you talk or see to mutual friends they will notice your change by just seeing you.. you don’t have to say anything or ask about him..

it depends on the situation if he will stay or not.. but don’t focus on that because you can’t control that.. focus on how you can influence him by your actions and how you live your life and how you think
June

July 30, 2016 at 10:52 am

Please don`t get me wrong, I am very sad about what happened and really want him to figure out his loss on his own. I am just a little afraid – is being in contact with these women a sort of safety net now so that he wouldn`t have to face the loss of what we established?
I have loved this guy for years now. I have a very strong feeling that despite every cough and hiccup we would end up together if only I could give him a chance to see me as a new, changed person he always wanted.
Is there a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 31, 2016 at 2:46 pm

Hi June,

don’t hand him the power of describing who you are and your worth.. if you’re doing great, you love what you do, you’re a good person but he still doesn’t like you then it’s his loss..

One of the factors of insecurity is because we keep giving the right to define us to others.. Most of the people that are attractive are the ones who are not afraid to lose a person in their life when that person doesn’t fit their standards..

they assess if they need to change something but they don’t let others have the power over their happiness.

and also, shyness is actually of something.. it’s limiting.. you can be calm but firm.. but don’t let fear be the basis of your decisions.. it’s ok to feel afraid, we all feel that.. and sometimes it’s for our safety too but if it’s the reason that you lower your standards.. then you have to assess your situation and change your ways..

Ashley

July 30, 2016 at 2:18 am

Hi team

I was ghosted by my ex boyfriend after 10 months of dating. I accepted it and proceeded with nc. A few months later it was my birthday which he tried to attend but chickened out of which I only found out about later. He would then see pictures of me and comment on how beautiful I looked etc but would be speak in an angry manner to his friends about me if they were going to attend any parties I was attending that he would want to attend aswell. Through it all I remained out of sight and passed no comment. One of the reasons I so easily went into nc was that I found out he had cheated hence him acting weird and eventually ghosting. I kept this knowledge to myself and he then found out I knew. I have no desire to date him again, I think his cowardice shows we can’t be comaptiable long term. What I want to understand is why he is so angry at me and how do I keep moving on? Lately I feel as though I am forgetting all the bad and remembering the good which I think is not good for my progress. At the same time I still feel angry and seeing his face on social media makes me low key mad. I dont want to feel angry because I feel dissapointed in myself for still having any type of emotional connection to him and want to be prepared if ever I bump into him face to face. Its been a solid year no contact and I just want to completely be free. Any advice?

Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 31, 2016 at 11:45 am

Hi Ashley,

I think it’s just a facade that he’s portraying to his friends to appear strong and to mask his guilt.. just keep ignoring him, as long as he’s not hurting you directly, you’re all good. Be civil if ever you bump into him

Kate

July 29, 2016 at 7:52 pm

Hi 🙂 I recently reconnected with my ex after 1.5 years NC, but while his responses sounds positive with with smiley face emojis, he never asks anything about me and most of his replies seem to want to politely end the conversation. And now I’ve stopped texting him again. Since I’ve moved to another country after we broke up, it’s hard to proceed to phone calls or suggest a meet up. How do I proceed from here? How do I build attraction from half way around the world after so much time apart? Thanks!

Kate

July 29, 2016 at 8:56 pm

Hi Amor! One text a day for about 4 days, NC again for a week, then again for 7 days after. I can sense from that he already knows a lot of the information on what I’ve been up – either he’s been looking at my fb or mutual friends may have updated him. Apparently his life has stayed pretty much the same, whereas I’ve done and accomplished a lot more things. His replies makes it so hard for me to continue a conversation.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 31, 2016 at 10:50 am

well, he wouldn’t really talk about you when there’s not enough rapport.. and less if he’s not interested.. when you’re the one that’s trying to build rapport you have to be more interested in him and then be valuable in his eyes.. can he learn from you? are you mysterious enough for him to wonder or would want to get to know you more?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 29, 2016 at 7:59 pm

HI Kate,

how long have you been texting him?

Renee

July 29, 2016 at 4:15 am

Hi Chris and Amour and Co,

I think my comment got deleted on another post. I have been trying to get my ex back for about 8 months now. I completed NC. I texted him for a couple of months. He came back around at the beginning of the year and we saw each other for 2 and a half months. Then he moved 2 hours away for health personal reasons and basically ghosted me for 2 months. I was devastated. I was nearly done with him when he texted me out of the blue. I was wary at first but he kept texting me this little check in texts and then we slowly started to talk. We met up after a couple of weeks of talking and we had a nice time together. Since then we have been talking a couple times a week, a lot of long conversations. But the last 10 days, he has kind of disappeared again. He hasn’t necessarily ghosted again but I’m worried. We last talked the weekend before last and it was positive but he hasn’t initiated a conversation with me and I haven’t with him. He has a habit of ending our conversations before I have a chance..always leaving me wanting more. I was going to text him this weekend and test the waters… Why do you think my ex keeps giving me this hot cold treatment? What can I do to get him pursuing me again? He was so into me in June and the beginning of this month. So frustrated…

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 29, 2016 at 6:16 am

Hi Renee,

sorry, i just haven’t reached yours yet.. you should be the one that’s ending the convo first and doing what he’s doing.. be interesting by not being available all the time and improving yourself.. when he initiates again..remember how to end the convo first and go out with others too

annie

July 29, 2016 at 2:14 am

I felt like I was being ghosted by my now ex boyfriend. When we were still dating, I asked him that if he wanted to end things he should man up and tell me or if there was a problem to speak up and not ignore me. Our relationship faded slowly, we became distant over the last 4 months so i did 21 days of NC. He proceeded to end things. Since then I haven’t heard from him, he won’t respond to any of my texts (i’ve only sent 2), however he views my snap chat story and he has even taken a screen shot of one snap of me on my story. Is he still ghosting me? I can’t decide if i should re-do NC and go a full month this time, or keep texting him light and fun messages (or snaps sent to him directly) every couple of days / weeks…

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 29, 2016 at 3:35 pm

Hi Annie,

nope, don’t keep texting him.. if he didn’t after 3 attempts of texts.. even if you spaced them out, that either means you move on or do a long nc before trying again.

A

July 28, 2016 at 3:57 am

So, my ex and i broke up end of may and well we had uni together and we stopped talking (i had begged but only as an after reaction to him wanting to remain broken up – we dated 2yrs 1month) we had classes together and he would sit in and around me. It bothered me but I continued with no contact – after 30 days i didn’t contact him – I was doing ok – I realised we were wrong for one another (I couldn’t forgive what a bitch his mum was just because she is rich & my family is shit so a future partners family for me is a deal breaker). He messaged me at some point during the holidays saying if i wanted him to have anything to let him know (possessions?) but we went back and forth a bit but the messages were fairly bleugh – like polite but not really saying anything – it ended in him saying Lol and me not replying. So new semester and we have 3 classes a week – yesterday was the first one. He came in – new threads, new douchey haircut looking like some generic hipster dude which honestly we would’ve both laughed at one stage. He sat within earshot of me talking to this bitch who tried to break us up from both sides (telling him stuff and telling me stuff about him etc.) and then loudly bragging about how much he was benching now (never went to the gym before break up) and bragging about his grades. The whole flipping things was a brag session. Mind you I’m over this like I have moved on a few time 😉 if you know what i mean … became the ungettable girl got my own thing going. So after consulting with a few classmates who had worked with us in groups previously I didn’t want a repeat of last sem where I just beared him sitting a meter from me in each class – it was too close to me and it was painful. So I walked up to him (first convo we’ve had face to face since the break up) and told him it wasn’t a comfortable environment for me or I’m sure him for him to sit at the next table (i had gotten there first) and he was all arrogant and he FLEX STRETCHED AT ME … Like stretched backwards and flexed his biceps at me!!! WTF!!! and he was like “ugh – fine I won’t purposely sit near you” and all arrogant – and when i went over first he continued his conversation with his dickhead friend who is into female manipulation audio books!!! He just tried to assert his dominance on the situation but yeah I was vocal to my friends in the class when I walked around after – I was like he could sit anywhere! Btw the counselor knows about this and has offered to provide formal documentation if this becomes like a harassment thing – and it kind of is. We dated over 2 years. I feel bad for him, I feel bad for me you know? At one point he looked me right in the eye and I think I saw a flicker of pain. But him bragging sitting within earshot is NOT OK. I’m not ok with that. I don’t do that to HIM!!! I just do my thing with other people – make friends chill whatever. Anyway, the emotional rage thing – I hope I wasn’t doing that. I’m just disappointed that our first interaction after not speaking for over 2 months had to be a negative one.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 29, 2016 at 10:48 am

HI A,

just chill,, the more you reach, the more you appear affected

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