What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don't Contact You

151 thoughts on “What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don’t Contact You”

Nina

October 6, 2018 at 10:41 am

Hi Chris, I need to know if there is a chance for me to get my ex back again.. because we broke up once after 3 months of dating, then when we got together we dated for like a year and now he broke up because he realised that we’re just not compatible, the first time the no contact rule worked, but I feel like this time he was determinated that I should move on.. should I try at least?

Chris Seiter

October 7, 2018 at 3:34 am

Hi Nina!

So its unclear what is really going on in his head. So why not try NC again. Make sure you do it the way I teach it. I cover it in great detail in my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book”, so check that out!

Alyssa

September 30, 2018 at 8:58 pm

Hi Chris,

An ex and I broke up about a month ago and we remained in contact for a couple weeks after, but it was mostly just me pining after him. I started to implement NC and have been making many efforts to focus on myself. He was the last one to respond in our texts and I didn’t reply, but he hasn’t contacted me since. Until recently (I’m not sure if this counts as “contact”) he matched with me on tinder. I know it could’ve been a chance that he was just swiping and we accidentally matched, but I don’t think it was that. We never matched while we were together, (I brought it up cause I wondered why he never swiped right on me) and he said it was because he never gets on it and he wouldn’t be able to keep up with anyone on it. I might be reading into it too much, especially considering he hasn’t messaged me, but if it wasn’t an accident, why do you think he would’ve swiped right on me? To get my attention?? To see if I’m still hooked?

Chris Seiter

October 1, 2018 at 3:28 am

Hi Alyssa!

I am glad you are focusing on yourself. NC gives you an opportunity to accomplish many things. Not sure about the matching, but I would stick with your ex recovery plan as I teach it in my program.

Amanda

September 27, 2018 at 2:57 am

Hi Chris,

My LDR ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He said he really needs the space to calm down if he can continues the relationship with me. So he asked for a month NC and chose a day to start the conversation again after NC. We didnt talk since then. He was being so confusing to me. He told me that he needed to break up with me because i got angry easily (i always apologized after i said shit – i know thats not right). But then he told me that he didnt want to breakup because he loved me so much. So he needed to calm down to see if he can deal with this or i can really manage to change.
He said he would be jealous of guys if i hang out with during this period of time, so he wouldnt hang out with girls as well. And more information is that we were about to end the long distance before we broke up. He was supposed to move to live with me. So i felt so terrible when he broke up with me. But he also said if we really get back together, he will move to live with me like what we have planned.
Im wondering if he is really taking time to think, try not to upset me or try to find another girl and see me as a back up?
How high chance do you see in us?
I just dont want to give up on us. I love him so much. And we already planned that we are going to get married if living together goes well, plus both of our parents already met each other. People around us really saw us an amazing couple.
I have prepared myself that he may not want to get back together and try to live my own life. I feel like this is like giving a shot to our relationship.
Thank you!

Chris Seiter

September 28, 2018 at 3:11 am

I Amanda!

Sometimes space and time helps a guy get his head screwed on right and realize what he had and what he is missing. I am glad my site is helping you help yourself.

Krystal

September 26, 2018 at 10:34 am

Hi Chris,

Krystal here again. I guess what I was solely going for out of all of that is wondering if my odds of getting him back are lower or even nonexistent because of my “gnatting”??

Chris Seiter

September 28, 2018 at 3:25 am

Hi Krystal…don’t worry so much about the gnatting…It happens with lots and lots of folks. Sure, its not ideal, but there are plenty of things you can do as part of your ex recovery plan to overcome the mistakes you may have made earlier. Pick up my book “Pro” or tap into all the resources here to help you along!

Krystal

September 25, 2018 at 4:55 pm

Hi Chris,

I stumbled upon your website after a “break up” and possibly a little too late, but I’m still attempting the NC rule now to see if it can save anything. Just a warning: long, elaborate and confusing (for me) story ahead!

My ex and I had been dating for only a little over month before things went south. I know it’s not very long, and I’ve gotten over exes that I’ve dated for much longer much faster, but this guy was definitely SO different that, well… I’m on this website commenting to you. Anyway, things were awesome, even amazing, up until maybe like 6 weeks into being together, when a misunderstanding caused me to freak out on him. He had always been a bad texter and whatnot, so I’d never worry if I didn’t hear from him for hours. This specific instance, I had told him something about myself that can sometimes be deal breaking, but he seemed okay with it. I was still weary because we talked (even less) after said convo. Not too long after, I didn’t hear from him for almost a day. I still wasn’t too worried until I noticed he had (appeared) to block me on snapchat. I was confused when I saw it and texted him. No reply. I called him and texted him again. No reply. At this point it had been 24 hours since I heard from him. Anyway, fast forward another 24 hours, 10 texts, and 3 calls later, he finally responds to me and apologizes that he just deleted his snapchat (when you delete your snapchat, your account still exists, it just looks like that person deleted you) and was just asleep all weekend. He says he’s not sure how he feels about how I reacted. The next week after that, we didn’t really talk much (we usually talked everyday) and didn’t get to see each other due to our work schedules and him going out of town. Another week goes by of the same thing, which I was used to because of our work schedules (we’re military so it’s very inconsistent). During this second week, days go by without getting a response from him. This worries me and I become even more of a “gnat,” as I’ve seen you call it. Two weeks go by since my initial “freak out” and we hadn’t talked about what happened yet or anything (we were waiting to see each other.) When he finally gets back to me after about 5 days of me texting him and not getting a response, he says he just kept getting caught up in stuff and didn’t know how to respond to what I was saying. He gets to the point where he doesn’t respond to me at all unless my message is me trying to officially break things off. Weeks had gone by since I had seen him, which I was prepared for, but when he was available again, he kept bailing on our plans. After the last time he bailed about a week ago, I came across this website and discovered/started implementing the NC rule (even though we never officially broke up??) because before I would text him every other day at least and try to talk to him. I guess what’s confusing is that he doesn’t seem to completely want to let me go, but isn’t trying to keep me around either. We talked about it a little and he said he saw my initial “freakout” as a red flag and me being irrational. He said he didn’t know how to feel about it, wanted to give me “time to cool off” (which was when i thought he was ignoring me) but he realized that just “fanned the flame.” I’m not someone who freaks out and does that stuff often over every little thing, it’s just that I have had guys actually end things with me like that and I thought that’s what he was doing. I know this isn’t all on me because his communication skills are god awful. His friends told me that I’m the first girl they’ve seen him with in years, so that’s why I’ve been so patient.

Anyway, I guess what I’m wondering is if I should even be bothering?At this point, I’m ready to give up and move on with my life if I need to. I know I need to do the NC for myself, and I am, but I would love to keep this guy in my life seeing as I have truly never felt this way about anyone. I’ve even thought about becoming a client of yours but I think at this point it’s either hit or miss since I’ve dug myself into a deeper hole by being a “gnat”… It’s such an odd situation for me because guys usually either completely ghost/ignore when they’re done or just tell me straight up that they’re done, and he has done neither…. Any advice would be useful!! Thank you!!

Chris Seiter

September 25, 2018 at 9:08 pm

Hi Krystal!

Don’t be too hard on yourself Krystal! All of us make plenty of mistakes during breakup and gnatting and feeling desperate and clingy are not uncommon behaviors. What is important is taking lessons from the past and passing the forward. No Contact will help you in many ways. Love to have you as a coaching client if you feel you need that. Also, consider picking up my 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as I dive into explaining how the NC process works in detail and about half of the book deals with personal recovery insights.

Marie

September 22, 2018 at 10:15 am

I know Chris. I have read your blog and I know that when we started, I was an UG, I got a big investment of time and all, I made him “work” for me… And since the break up I was too “easy to get”. But now I don’t even have contact and I can’t initiate and even if I am very active in social media, I am afraid he has erased me of his mind. I know that the only move I can play is “moving on without moving on” but it’s too hard and… I miss him. I can’t help it. And thinking that other girl may have what I had, without the disadvantages of a LDR and with me out of sight,, out of mind… I feel powerless

Chris Seiter

September 23, 2018 at 4:45 pm

Hi Marie!

Once an UG….always a UG! If he can’t find his way back to you, its his loss. You are going to get thru this. Many paths to happiness for you to follow.

Marie

September 21, 2018 at 5:21 pm

I was in an extended NC (60) days after being kinda “rejected” for my ex, a year and a half after the break up. He was sending mixed singnals and one day kinda “rejected” me without having done or asking him anything (it was him who was proposing plans “for us” at distance and saying that he was happy and looking forward to do that things. But in a day he changed his mind). That last conversation ended up being “friendly” but since then, we didn’t text each other and I can’t initiate even if the 60 days have passed two days ago. I did NC (30 days) another times and he always texted. Not this time. And I suspect he is now dating another girl which lives near to him (we live in opposite sides of the country). It would be a serious case of greener grass because he hates LDR so with her near, no problem. He forgot about me forever, it seems. I use very well my social media, keep working on become the supercharged UG but nothing. I don’t know what to do. I can’t move on, I love him and I just want a chance. Can you help me please? I need him to initiate because due the circumstances (the “rejection”, the possibility of him being with another girl…) I can’t initiate, it would be awful. But it seems I’m dead to him

Chris Seiter

September 21, 2018 at 11:41 pm

Hi Marie!

Remember Marie…you are not fully healed or the UG you want to be if you still feel he “has” to be in your life. Once you are in a place where you know you can move on, then you are empowered. And that actually helps you in so many ways.

Sara

September 21, 2018 at 12:53 pm

I was texting my ex over a month few days a week. He reach out first only at my birthday so it’s like 10/1. I was joking and he wanted to talk with me. I started to make the conversation more emotional I didn’t wanted it shallow. Finally I asked him very politely if he have any feelings cause I want to tell him about my pat 2 month what’s changed and I’m curious. He said yes, but it’s not the same and he wants to be alone. I said that I respect that and told him that getting back together isn’t my goal, that I have feelings but now focusing on myself and it’s not the most important thing in my life. He became a little cold. I felt that he doesn’t trust me. He is a lil paranoid character and he had a stalker ex. I asked him if he’s afraid of me that I might be the same and he said I don’t know. He’s really stressed and tired because of work and he can’t handle it so I think he might be in bad mood all the time. Is it a good idea to wait 2 weeks when he will finish and then try to speak with him again? I don’t want him to feel worst than he feels because of work. I hope that he will reach out first. What do u think? Is it a good idea to distant myself now?

Chris Seiter

September 21, 2018 at 4:22 pm

If he is that stressed….probably a good idea to give him space.
Chris Seiter

September 21, 2018 at 4:22 pm

If he is that stressed….probably a good idea to give him space.

conflicted

September 19, 2018 at 3:14 pm

Hi Chris,

Me and my ex broke up two months ago. I started a conversation with him about me not being happy about how we were, even though my intention was not to break up (I didn’t even know what my intensions were, just that I had to say something), we ended up mutually breaking things off. I didn’t want to but I believed that was the only way we could both accept.

I’ve spent these past two months processing and understanding why I was unhappy, now I see that many of the reasons were things that are completely my own problems (with which he’s been nothing but supportive of me about). I realised what I thought he was not giving me was never something he could’ve given me. It was about who I am inside and how I’ve been treating my life. Our relationship was good although not faultless, but we rarely spoke about what bothered us because it’d be so good (I dare say magical: we’re different but we work so well on so many levels) when we were together we wouldn’t even remember why we would be upset with each other, and so we kinda just let things slide, and never really even think about these things.

I know I’ve been experiencing the typical breakup sadness shebang, but I know I’m not just afraid of being single so I want him back, I think it was right to break up because I needed that space to reflect and work on myself, but I do want a clean slate and try again with my ex. Since the break we’ve had basically no contact, but I’ve recently texted him at a time of crisis (slight panic attack where a traumatic thing we went though together happened but I didn’t say why then). He replied a week later and said we should spend some time alone and check in in a few months. I told him I understand and briefly explained why I reached out, wished him well and left it like that.

I do want another chance with him. What should I do?

Chris Seiter

September 20, 2018 at 1:02 am

So checking back in a few months is kind of a brush off. I think you might want to consider putting him on the NC shelf for awhile while you focus on your healing and recovery activities.

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151 thoughts on “What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don’t Contact You”