What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don't Contact You

151 thoughts on “What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don’t Contact You”

Marie F

July 27, 2020 at 8:08 pm

My ex and I broke up a month ago for reasons that he wasn’t happy and we were arguing more. We were together for a year and 5 months. We also worked closely together but I left the job once we broke up because I couldn’t bare to see him everyday. I haven’t seen him in a month. I reached out by calling and we talked a few times over the last few weeks for hours at a time but he is not willing to meet in person. I tried to be positive in our last conversation a week ago asking to meet up for a simple walk but he is hesitant. I left it on a good note, but he hasn’t reached out since. I’ve been in no contact for 7 days today. Any advice would help at this time. He was my best friend.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 27, 2020 at 9:44 pm

Hey Marie, you need to go back into a 30 day NC and then reach out to your ex with the texting phase – but you need to stop with the emotional conversations and asking him to meet up so soon, you need to work on rebuild your connection and his attraction to you through each stage. Read some more articles to help you to work through the program.

Emma

July 13, 2020 at 8:51 pm

My ex of almost a year and a half and I were together for five years. We met young (at 24), fell in love hard and fast, moved in together after a year and towards the beginning of our 6th year together he decided he needed to live out the single life he missed out on. Gone were our plans and dreams and the life we built and I had no say. Towards the end he flip flopped between the kind, good looking nerd I loved and who loved me fiercely in return to this dude who was so obviously trying to prove something to world (he had a new job that gave him a taste of this frat-boy party lifestyle). Anyways, he ended things in a horrible way (not because we didn’t love each other but because he wanted to be free) and I basically haven’t heard from him since… until I got a letter from him about two months ago. Now, I admit, I may have caved (blame quarantine) and sent him a letter first. A letter that told him I missed him at the very end and then he decided to respond to it. His response was 6 pages long and talked a lot about how he wishes he’d learned the single man lessons he has learned in our time apart before we’d met so he could basically still have me and about the shame he has felt in the way he handled things… I guess he has met a lot of other women and is realizing that who I am and what we brought out in each other truly is special and admitted to carrying me and our love with him everywhere he goes and went on and on about how I meant the world to him… something I have felt too and that is why it has been so hard to let him go. It was rare, it really was. But then he also said he stands by his decision to be single. I responded and then he basically ghosted the response. I sent him another email about two weeks later asking him what his intentions were when he decided to write that letter and basically saying I will always have a door partially open for him. Hey, I was being honest. He responded late at night basically yelling at me. Saying he can’t believe I would question his motives and even think his words meant we have a chance bc he still doesn’t know what he wants (in all caps). He said this a lot when he broke up with me and it seems like he is still searching for something. I believe that what he is searching for is what was already in front of him for so long though. He signed off willing to meet in person if I wanted to talk more in hopes that we would both find some answers (I declined that bc it would hurt too much) and said that at this point in time we have no shot any other answer would be foolish. I feel like he was definitely on the pendulum of emotions and I can’t seem to let go of this idea that part of him really isn’t over us. I just don’t know what to do anymore bc I feel like I have tried so hard to say yes to new things and people but no matter what he is still there. I just wish I knew how to get through to him.
Elizabeth Heim

July 12, 2020 at 5:32 am

If your ex isn’t contacting you due to the pendulum swing, how long should you wait to contact them again? My ex openly admits to being terrible at texting (and he’s not kidding, he once texted me 12 hours after I sent him a text)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 12, 2020 at 10:19 am

If you have had a few days of good texting conversation and they pull back, give them 3-5 days of peace and then reach out again – extend this the more time you spend having conversations with your ex, be sure that you are following the information about the peak end too

Sara

July 5, 2020 at 12:12 pm

Stacey,

I hope you are okay? Reading your story – exactly the same thing happened to me on 20th June 2020. I feel like such a fool.

Do hope it gets better

SK x
Stacy

June 25, 2020 at 2:46 pm

Hey me and my ex were together for 2 years he was married but separated, when I met him he had no home no stuff no car no money so I supported him he was on sofas in caravans then in a really rundown area I helped him get the job he now loves the car he loves and he’s now has a nice place to live he always promised me he would get divorced and be a family as we both have children last year I found messages to his wife saying about he loved her he begged me back blah blah blah then he said last week he doesn’t want a divorce so I left he tried contacting me for a few days then stopped I had said it was over but I did try to sort things out with him , he said no we are over and he needs to be on his own so I said ok I blocked his number to stop us contacting each other then 2 days later he phones me off a private number saying he has been feeling crap so I messaged him that night as he reached out to me first and text him saying do you want to start over on a clean slate or cut our losses and he replied I want to be on my own so I said ok il let you move on take care and changed my number it’s been a week now I really miss him just think does he miss me
Quin

June 22, 2020 at 12:33 am

My ex and i broke up 3 months ago. We were in LDR. Days after the break up, he said he misses me but I didn’t respond. I rrsonded after a week and i gave a hint that i want to reconcile. But he said he need to find a job before we can start again. Why does he go from “i miss you” to “i need space” in just a week? I went crazy and this is where the begging started. I begged for two months and he replies to me. But gets angry whenever i ask questions about our relationship and tells me to move on. But the next morning he will send me a message telling me calmly that he just needs to find a job and we can be together. It’s been a week since i went NC. Do yu think we can still have a chance?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 17, 2020 at 11:44 pm

Hey Quin, sometimes when people go through a break up they get panicked at the thought of losing their ex so they want to get back together. But when his emotions settled he realised that he did in fact want some space and time. So give him that and follow a 30 day No Contact period where you read all the articles on this website to help you along through the program

Shelly

June 16, 2020 at 8:01 pm

Hi :]
My ex and I broke up before 3 months. We were best friends and in the end, there were trust issues he couldn’t get over on. He was mad at me because of mistakes I did( I did not cheat) but I lied a lot and talked to my friend about him. I regret that. And I’m actually feeling much more forgiven to myself, because I know I did that because I was so insecure and tend to close my self when I’m angry or frustrated. I bagged in the first months for several day during this month. But eventually, I let it go. I gave him space. He still likes my posts, I can sense he still “search” for me in social media. And he said that he will always love me when we broke up, and that the break up happened because his need for space and quiet and get over his anger towards me, and not because he is not loving me. He even mentioned that time can heal and help in our situation, and that he liked to talk with me – and that’s what painful the most.
Also, He said he can’t trust me and because of that he can’t see a healthy relationship with me (right now).we didn’t talked for 2 months, and next month I have a birthday. And I have this exceptions that he will reach out.
I don’t know how he feels. I can tell he miss me. I can tell he loves me. I can tell he is “searching” for me In social media. But. He didn’t reach how so far. I did managed to improve my self and take care of my fears, my insecurities and my patience. I’m giving my self each day another challenge. And I’m really trying to keep been busy as much as I can. But it’s so hard. How can I make sure he will reach out? Is trust something that can be forgiven during time, even though we didn’t talked? I’m keeping my expectations low, for not disappoints later. I’m starting to think that “the right time” to contact him, if he will not contact me, will never come. Should I contact him if he will not reach out till my birthday? Do I even have a chance by the things I’ve just describe?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 4, 2020 at 10:23 am

Hi Shelly, I would start following the program this means that you need to start doing No Contact where you are NOT focusing on him. You’re over thinking when you say you know he misses you and loves you, searching for you on social media, you have no solid proof this is just your thoughts. It is not following No Contact, or is it you focusing on yourself and your Holy Trinity. You need to start working on yourself, and change your mindset. You cannot MAKE him reach out. This program suggests that you reach out first after your No Contact is over. I suggest you read more articles so that you understand how to follow the program correctly

Sarah

June 7, 2020 at 8:32 pm

Hi. My ex ended things with me and I immediately deleted him on all socials. After initially speaking in the few days after (him saying it wont work, me saying I’d like to try), ignored my 2x attempts at contact in the following 2-3 weeks. I left it 2 more weeks before I dropped his stuff off outside. He initially replied thanks but when I told him I missed him he blanked me after asking what I meant. I haven’t contacted since however he is following new girls on social media some from right after the break up (he had opened his instagram to public around 5-6 weeks after the split hence how I know). Is there a point in contacting him again? It has currently been 20 days since he last ignored me/I made contact.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 9, 2020 at 11:15 pm

Hi Sarah, if you want your ex back then yes you need to reach out again but I suggest leaving it for 21 days of the last interaction. During which time you need to read the texting articles to prepare for your first reach out using Chris methods. Working through your Holy Trinity and becoming the best version of yourself

Matt

June 2, 2020 at 4:31 am

Hi, so my ex girlfriend broke up with me about 3 days ago. We haven’t been in contact at all since then. No texts, calls, messages on social media, or anything. I want to reach out to her, but I’m a bit nervous and scared on how she’ll respond, if at all. What do I do? She hasn’t expressed any interest in even talking to me either. It has been completely silent.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 3, 2020 at 9:44 pm

Hey Matt I would suggest that you stick to a 30 day No Contact before reaching out to your ex

Ashley

May 28, 2020 at 10:11 pm

Hello. After 5 years of remaining single, I met a man who was 8 years younger than me. Me being 34 and him being 26. We fell in love, and he came to me at 8 months saying he needed to focus on himself and his career. After not speaking, he contacted me a week later telling me he loved me and he had made a mistake. During this time, I found out I was pregnant. He said we would figure it out and then broke up with me again. He blocked me on everything, and emailed me saying he respectfully wanted to move on with his life. I want to know how to change his heart and complete the no contact rule if when I do get into contact with him again, there is no way to do that aside from email.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 9, 2020 at 10:26 pm

Hi Ashley, there is no way you can MAKE him change his mind all you can do is figure out what is best for you and baby. Read about Holy Trinity and Ungettable and work on that while you are blocked. I would suggest that you keep him updated pregnancy wise with emails but do not reach out to talk about anything else.

Dave

May 19, 2020 at 7:25 am

Hello, my ex girlfriend broke up with me after 5.5 years. We are both 25. We both discussed getting married and were ecstatic to do so. However, I never had a real conversation and set up a real timeline … she probably didn’t think I was committed as I was in my head. In hindsight, I was emotionally abusive as I called her names during fights and never took any interest in what she loves. But in reality it was all I wanted. She hasn’t spoken to me in 40 days but as all of my friends and family say, that we both had that one obvious true love.. at least at one point. She loved me and it was so obvious. But I hurt her by ignoring her and didn’t even realize it at the time. I’ve texted a few times but was never overwhelming. It’s been 40 days and the most I’ve went is 17 days no contact. Is there still a chance?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 20, 2020 at 9:38 pm

Hi Dave, so you need to complete a full period of No Contact and work on your emotional control in that time, find things that help you cope when you feel that you need to reach out to her. Read some articles about the types of texts to send to your ex after you have completed a 45 day No Contact

jordan

May 9, 2020 at 9:10 am

hi again. i have done no contact for around 30 days three times with the same result, him calmly and cold saying we will never meet again because the negative weighs so much more than the positive. he barely wants to talk to me. again, he doesn’t remember how the positive memories felt, and thinks him+me=negativity. ive been working on holy trinity as well as posting happy stuff in socialmedia but it doesn’t seem like his mind is changing at all. that is why i am wondering if it is actually possible that he will never be able to remember (the feeling of) the peak and our good times, and can stay in his negative rut for ever? is it actually possible that he will be this cold and fed up and refuse to have contact forever? i can’t understand how that’s the case when i know he still loved me breaking up with me. i’m really starting to lose hope here as rtime is passing, and i don’t know what to do.
Nathaniel

May 8, 2020 at 5:51 pm

I like your analogies, they are very direct. The world is built on perspective, so use intuition. I am one that’s become greatly appreciative of my intuitive feelings, it helps me prepare. I have been very emotional and sensitive, even when I was little. My last breakup came at me fast and hard. It was out of the blue, though I knew it would end. All my past relationships have ended like this, I date, mess up and get dumped. I use words and thoughts to express my love. Constantly looking for a solution and compromise. Usually people are afraid to leave me, they may feel sorry. Though I never would know, cause I eventually stop caring. I express how I feel at the end, if it’s not reciprocated in a civil manor. I state what I feel went wrong and what I did. I try and figure out why love was lost. Eventually I get nothing but silence. My self reflection doesn’t work, my personal changes never help. Then the I get asked to be a friend, I’m a loner. What good is talking every once in awhile. That’s not friendship, that’s giving someone an opportunity to judge you. Social media says it all in the end, once that status goes to single. It ends up just being old memories of failure. They both partners wait to see who dates first and judges their ex’s partner. I remember the beginning of my last relationship. My ex had a picture of us, then a ex-partner made a racist remark. She didn’t really say anything, just agreed that I was Mexican. Which I’m not, so I carried those emotions for a long time. Angry and hurt, I knew she would repeat the same behavior. She eventually did, and we haven’t spoke in almost 3 years. I just chose to walk away from her and the friends we had in common. I just hope she can finally find someone who can take care of her.
Eunice I Martinez

May 6, 2020 at 10:51 pm

What if I broke up with him and I did no contact for two weeks and I only reached out to apologize and take accountability on my part of The Break-Up? He didn’t respond, and I’m back in no contact now but have I ruined my chances altogether by sending that message? Is there anyway I can get them back after the fact?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 11, 2020 at 10:19 pm

Hey Eunice, you have not ruined your chances but you are going to have to follow a 45 day NC this time around

Christina

April 30, 2020 at 8:57 pm

Hi my ex and I broke up yesterday. Every time we would break up he would blow my phone up & try to get me back or express how he feels. This time he didn’t seem to care that I was breaking up with him. He has been calm , but very distant. I went to pick up the things I left at his house , & he gave them to me & didn’t look back or say anything at all. Then I was walking by in the rain and all of my stuff got wet , & he walked past me like he didn’t know me. I haven’t been texting him except for important things. Over the past day and a half , I contacted him 3 times in total & all the times he answered respectfully. Should I start no contact ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 2, 2020 at 3:43 pm

Hi Christina, yes you need to start No Contact

jordan

April 27, 2020 at 9:34 am

hello, my ex broke up with me after a big fight following a somewhat turbulent part of our relationship. turbulent meaning things being absolutely fantastic, but then a silly fight would break it down. the breakup-fight was however a big one, it was really really bad, and after it he said he no longer associated our relationship with any positive feelings, that the positive didn’t weigh in for the negative. he seemed angry and tired of it all, said he still cared very much for me, i know he still loved me, but he felt he had to choose his own happiness and that it couldn’t happen with me in his life because him+me=negativity. now i know for a fact that he too felt that most of our relationship was positive, we were a great fit and we were both having a great time, even though a fight would happen now and then. seems though, like this last fight left him with only negative memories. he remembers the positive ones, but he cannot really feel them like he can the negative and therefore they don’t matter. it seems to me he has forgotten the peak and what it felt like, he only remembers the end. so this leaves me with the fear that he actually can completely forever forget (the feelings of) the peak and all the positive things about our relationship because the negative at the end was so strong – and so i have the question: is that actually possible? with myself of course it is the opposite, i have a hard time feeling the negative things and doesn’t feel like i ever will although i remember they happened – for sure this can happen for him in the opposite way? also i am wondering, seeing as he still loved me when he broke up, does he not think (like me) about all the things that we will never get to do together again and why doesn’t that make him miss me? i’m thinking the negative is clouding this too, and it breaks my heart to think that he will always think him+me=negativity.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 5, 2020 at 10:19 pm

Hi Jordan, so the most important thing that you do right now is follow a 45 day NC period where you give your ex a chance to stop that mentality, while also using social media to show that you can be happy positive person, its about changing his thoughts about you gradually. Be sure that you have an active No Contact period where your focus is on your Holy Trinity.

danj

April 22, 2020 at 8:22 pm

Hi, my ex and I broke up a month and 10 days ago , he has blocked me everywhere and he told me that I have no chance to even talk to him again, after begging him for a week he never responded, I continued writing him messages or calling him with a private number once a few days but he did not respond, it was my fault that he dumped me but I love him so much and my heart is completely shattered I can not pass a day without crying. Should I consider NC ? It has not ever been so long that he has not written to me and I am so afraid that he will never come back we were together for like one year and half

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 25, 2020 at 10:26 am

Hi Danj, yes definitely go into a NC and do so for 45 days and work on your emotional control during that time. Give your ex the space they want and need right now

Emilia

April 19, 2020 at 9:49 am

I dated this really sweet guy from january to march, and it’s almost a month since he broke up with me. Things just started to get a little hard since we both (college students) had to go home to quarantine. He said he had feelings for me but he wasnt sure if he could give me 100% of himself right now, and he wanted to remain in touch and as friends which I said no. When I cried on the phone breaking up he cried too and said he’d miss me and more than anything I became his best friend. I am currently doing no contact rule. After he broke up with me he was tweeting stuff about being happy and now almost a month later he’s tweeting about being sad and having “existential crises”. He was always a super sweet and caring guy and I miss him a lot. It just makes me sad that it’s almost been a month and he hasn’t checked up on me, and the tweets are obviously making me think that he wants me to see that he feels sad and lost, but I don’t want to reach out since he dumped me and I don’t think its fair for me to do that. I am sad every day but I am not tweeting about it. From an outside perspective, no one would even know I’m going through a breakup. I just wish he’d text and I’d like to know why he isn’t.
Jillian

April 11, 2020 at 1:27 pm

Hi so my ex and I broke up about 2 1/2 months ago. The whole breakup was very unclear as to why. He told me it was cuz he had depression and felt like he was bringing me down with him and that he knew I would be better off without him. I’ve been a mess ever since and when I asked him to clarify he told me he just thinks it’s best we be friends. That’s the last time I talked to him which was about a month ago. He hasn’t reached out to me at all. Does it just mean he doesn’t care and I should just forget about him. It seems like that’s probably the answer.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 20, 2020 at 10:45 pm

Hi Jillian if your ex is depressed and is struggling with his mental health along with other things then you need to respect his need for space, which is where you follow the No Contact rules and make sure you follow the advice given

Liliana

March 11, 2020 at 4:13 pm

Hi! So me and my ex broke up after three years. He just text me and said that he didn’t see a future with me and we weren’t meant for each other. Mind you we went on trips with my kids(are not his) and he said he loved me. I would ask if he saw a future with me and my kids and he always said yes. Now he broke up with me, without saying goodbye to my kids and my heart shattered. I am 16 days no contact and he hasn’t contacted me at all. I refused to believe the reason, but I’m starting to think it’s how he really felt. Idk what to do, I’m very stubborn! He hurt me and my kids. When it comes to things like this, have you heard anyone get their ex back. I went step by step last time we broke up and it worked. We got back together. Invested more in each other. We talked about getting married and moving in together. It’s just so sudden, I’m hurt.

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151 thoughts on “What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don’t Contact You”