Fear is one of the best motivations I’ve ever encountered.

When it comes to my clients there is probably nothing more frightening than realizing that your ex is gone for good.

This fear motivates them enough to do extensive research or to ask me what I think about their situation.

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of variations of this question so I thought it would be prudent to create an article to answer it for you.

Below I have compiled a list of six situations that you need to keep an eye out for.

6 Signs That Your Ex May Be Gone For Good

I think there’s a huge misconception about this topic.

When someone asks me,

Chris, can you tell me if my ex is gone for good?

What I think they are really asking is,

Do I still have a chance?

Quite frankly, it’s impossible for me to know everything your ex is thinking, even though usually I’m pretty good at determining that. Therefore, I can’t even say with certainty that your ex is “gone for good.”

What I can say though is that I’ve been doing this for almost seven years now and have learned a lot about what situations are favorable and what situations aren’t.

That’s what I’d like to focus on today.

Below is a list of situations I’ve found to affect your overall chances in a negative way,

  1. Cheating
  2. Non Responsive Exes
  3. Long Distance Relationships
  4. Being Put In A Full Out Block
  5. Big Age Gaps
  6. You’ve Been Broken Up For Longer Than 8 Months

Now, most of my peers might end the article here but I prefer to take the more scenic route and actually detail why these situations aren’t favorable.

Are you ready?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Situation #1: Cheating

What I think most of my clients fail to understand is that getting an ex back really boils down to one singular thing.

The internal conversation happening in their head.

It may sound strange but this is where all the decisions get made.

Therefore, it’s not good if your ex thinks something like this,

It creates a kind of internal headwind that will prevent them from ever considering getting back together with you.

Cheating is the ultimate breach of trust.

If you cheated on your ex then you have put yourself in a situation with a lot of headwind.

Your ex will be thinking all kinds of thoughts,

  • I can’t believe they did that.
  • I can’t stop thinking of them in bed with that other person
  • Did they ever love me?
  • I hate them.
  • I love them.
  • I miss them.
  • I can’t forgive them.

Most of these thoughts don’t do anything to help reconnect the two of you.

It just serves as this perpetual torment of their own making.

All in all, it lowers your chances significantly if you’ve breached their trust in this way. Now, with that being said it’s not like this is a total death sentence.

In fact, none of the situations on this article are true death sentences.

There is always a way out.

However, those ways out are slimmer than normal.

Situation #2: Non Responsive Exes

I’d like to switch gears for a moment and tell you a personal story.

It may seem unrelated but I promise you it isn’t.

When I was starting college I had a major crush on a girl who sat next to me in one of my classes.

One day I worked up the courage to ask for her number,

I was lucky enough to get her to say yes.

From there I worked my way towards achieving a date.

But I must have tried too hard and scared her off because soon I was met with little or no response to my text messages,

And this was a good set of messages.

As you can imagine I never did get to go on a date with the girl.

And I never really found out what her problem with me was.

But I’ve had time to speculate and ultimately I think it boils down to one thing.

She wasn’t excited.

She didn’t feel that spark with me and rather than hurting my feelings she just slowly slipped away.

I think a lot of people are like this.

They despise confrontation so they’ll simply avoid it.

This is potentially why an ex will avoid talking to you or be unresponsive.

They don’t want a big confrontation so they simply avoid it by using this coping mechanism.

Situation #3: Long Distance Relationships

When I was planning this article out I took two lines of thinking.

  1. What are the most obvious situations that will have a lower success rate?
  2. What are the actual situations with lower success rates?

Unfortunately, long distance relationships don’t have our best success rate.

Sure, I’ve had a few great ones over the years,

But if you are taking a big picture view it’s hard not to notice the fact that long distance relationship success stories are hard to come by.

Why is this?

Well, I like to think it’s because they are a logistical nightmare.

Lately I’ve been going on and on about my triangle theory with how everyone has this small window of opportunity where their chances with their exes peak.

The trajectory kind of looks like this,

In other words, you want to time out everything perfectly so you are making your big moves at this point in time,

The issue with long distance relationships is that so many things can impede your progress during this point.

  • What if you can’t see them during this period of time?
  • You have to kind of bull rush the in person interactions which lessens their effectiveness
  • What if your ex moved on to someone else and you are a country away?

So many things can go wrong and often they do.

This is why I think the long distance relationship situations are difficult.

Now, with that being said we have had some pretty great success stories with coaching clients so don’t think it’s a death sentence, it’s not.

Situation #4: Being Put In A Full Out Block

Being blocked by the person you love is never fun.

It really plays into this idea of reactance.

If you didn’t know, the theory of reactance states that when someone takes a behavioral freedom away from you, you will probably react in a way to get that freedom back.

Having your ex block you taps into that need to react.

But what I think a lot of my peers miss is the fact that there are different levels of being blocked.

You’ve got shifty blockers which is where your ex pogo sticks their way from blocking you to unblocking you.

You’ve got partial blockers which is where your ex will block you on Facebook but you are unblocked other places.

And then you have the full out block. This is where your ex blocks you everywhere and you have no way of communicating with them at all.

The full out block is an indicator of something a bit more serious in my opinion.

For them to take the time to block you everywhere means they really don’t want to talk to you and it’s something that will definitely lower your chances.

Situation #5: There Is A Big Age Gap

A few months ago I created a special YouTube video where I talked about the eleven factors of love,

One of those factors was something I called social influence.

Basically I posited that in some cases outside pressure from your sphere of influence can impact love.

Sphere of Influence: The people you surround yourself with whose opinion you listen to. This can include friends, family, work colleagues and hero’s.

One thing I’ve seen from working with my coaching clients is that social influence can definitely have a huge impact on big age gaps.

I can’t tell you how many times friends or family have disapproved on there being a big age gap in a couple and one member of the couple takes it to heart and lets it ruin the relationship.

I liken it to waking up from a dream you don’t want to wake up from.

You were enjoying the dream but it’s not real.

And that simple fact ruins the dream.

The same principle applies here.

Sometimes exes find this to be too much to overcome.

Situation #6: You’ve Been Broken Up For More Than 8 Months

You remember my triangle theory example above, right?

You don’t?

Don’t worry, I have to remind my coaching clients about it all the time.

Basically there is a window of opportunity where your chances peak.

That window is where you want to make some serious progress.

But when does that window of opportunity generally occur?

Well, according to my research it’s around 3 to 7 months after the breakup.

In other words, the downward trend on your chances begin right at the 8 month mark starting from the breakup.

Keep in mind that every situation is unique and this statement is by no means an all encompassing statement. It’s simply looking at the average.

Nevertheless, it’s important to use some logic here.

It makes sense that time does matter here.

The further removed from the breakup you are the less likely you are to reunite with your ex.

What to Read Next

How To Get Your Ex To Initiate Contact With You

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

Why Does My Ex Talk To Me And Then Ignore Me?

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

How To Make Him Want You Back

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

28 thoughts on “Is My Ex Gone For Good?”

  1. Avatar

    Cam

    May 17, 2020 at 3:17 pm

    My ex broke up with me on April 4th, he told me if I gave him space we would probably get back together, i didn’t give him space, I actually went and stayed with him for a few days and we kind of worked it out but didn’t get back together. Then a week after I went home (april 28th) we got in a little argument and he told me again that he needed space, but I didn’t really give him the space he wanted. Exactly a week after that (May 5th) I got in a really bad car accident and he felt so bad he told me he wanted me, we just needed to talk about it and that he loved me. Then the next Friday (May 8th) I called him and I guess just got on his nerves and he said were never getting back together again, that he doesn’t want me anymore, and that if I would’ve just given him space when he needed it the first time, we would still be together. He blocked me on everything after that and now it’s May 17th and I haven’t talked to him since. I want to marry this boy, I love him with my whole entire heart. I don’t know what to do but I need some help

  2. Avatar

    Linda

    April 15, 2020 at 9:48 pm

    Hi , my LDR ex boyfriend and I have been split for 4 months ,he totally blocked me at the start then he slowly unblocked me just before my lockdown in the Uk I sent a message which he read but didn’t answer then last week (2 weeks later) I sent a message ,he replied straight away and said he hoped I was ok ,I waited a few hours then answered that I was but was worried about him again he answered straight away with he was doing ok and much thanks for asking ,again I waited an hour then replied that I was pleased he was ok I know he read the message straight away . Now he has disppeared from WhatsApp And all other Social media completely I’m not blocked he has cancelled WhatsApp . I don’t know what to do next as I thought we were building rapport ,did I do something wrong ? I know these are very strange times in the world but now I am worried he is not ok , what should I do next ? Has he gone for good ?
    It’s difficult to remain positive in these times but advice would be greatly appreciated Thanks in advance

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 4:21 pm

      Hi Linda, you need to send a text that Chris suggests to get the conversation going – keeping your conversation positive and short to get him more open to talking. You can send a general text so that you are not chasing him on social media or watching his actions on Whatsapp

  3. Avatar

    Cassie

    March 30, 2020 at 1:46 pm

    My ex of 6 years broke up with me just before the lockdown in the Uk. He said he needs time to get his head straight. He doesn’t love himself any more. He’s deactivated all social media – why would he delete social media and not just remove me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 30, 2020 at 8:43 pm

      Hi Cassie it sounds as if your ex wants some real space from the world. Do not take it personally it sounds as if he is doing what is best for him right now! Stay safe during these times <3

  4. Avatar

    Fabiana

    February 12, 2020 at 5:27 am

    Hey chris my ex blocked me on all social media right after he sent the I’m breaking up with you text. But I was still abled to talk to him on the phone but after getting in one disagreement he blocked me on that too so I guessing my chances of him coming back are very slim. And I really have no hope that he would come back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2020 at 10:04 pm

      Hey Fabiana so your best chance of getting unblocked is working to become Ungettable and learning about emotional control. Using your mutual friends as a sphere of influence so information gets back to him how amazing you are doing lately. That will make him think about you and want to see your social media himself through a friends or unblocking you. SO be patient and focus on getting over the break up and how to be Ungettable

  5. Avatar

    Murtiza Sheikh

    November 13, 2019 at 7:34 am

    I was with my ex for 8 years we split 11 months ago she jumped into a relationship I stopped talking to her for 30days She came back we talked about being honest with each other and not hiding anything any more and rebuild for us and our son yesterday we talked we came out clean n told each other a lot she told me she loves me and wants to rebuild but there is something I lied she told me not to talk to a certain girl but that girl called her n told her I was talking to her n she found out and now doesn’t want to rebuild N doesn’t want to talk to me anymore and know I don’t now what to do any more as I feel like I’m back on square one and I can’t seem to stop calling her. Please I need some advice

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 13, 2019 at 11:22 pm

      So first stop calling her, and do another NC and focus on your son. Limited NC and focus on showing her you are not going to speak to that other woman again and work on how to be the best version of yourself. Even though she went out and met someone else quickly she is going to freak out at the idea of you and this other girl. Give it some time she may come back when she is less angry that you spoke with this person

  6. Avatar

    Anon

    October 31, 2019 at 3:43 am

    Hi Chris,

    I stumbled across this article today while listening to a podcast. A rundown of what I’m experiencing: my ex boyfriend dumped me 3-going-on-4 months ago and he said he fell out of love with me, he’s going through his own things, and he wants to be alone. Although he did disappear for a while, he seems to be fine with his friends. Just not me. He asked for space but I reached out a couple times after completing a 30 day no contact rule each time. He was responsive but he stuck to his words and insisted that he lost his feelings for me, even though we dated for almost a full year. He’s my first love and I am his as well. When we talked last time, we had a conversation about why things ended and he said he just lost feelings as soon as his personal issues started. I was always there for him but he never opened up to me. I told him I’m still here for him as a friend, but he said that it’s impossible because our relationship will always linger, whether I can see it that way or not. I wondered if it’s lingering for him, or if maybe he’s afraid I’ll ask him to get back with me. I genuinely wouldn’t beg for another chance, I really just want to understand what made him end things.

    He dumped me over a phone call to avoid seeing me cry, and he’s still stubborn on not wanting to meet up to talk. A few weeks ago he talked to me then he blocked me, or maybe he just became unresponsive. He doesn’t want to talk, and it’s been a while since the breakup, so I’m starting to lose hope. I’ve read so many of your articles and they all suggest starting with no contact, so I’m doing that again. I’ve been in no contact with him for about 3 weeks since he became unresponsive, but I don’t know what else I should do. I’m so confused. I don’t have many friends to confide in about this so any advice is appreciated. Please let me know how I can change my situation!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 31, 2019 at 10:37 pm

      Hi there, so you need to work on becoming the Ungettable girl – which is going to be something you need to do for yourself too. Even though you say you dont have many friends to confide in, you need to up your social game a little and do things with friends that are fun and interesting. Adventurous even. Then post them to social media so he will eventually see these things, and if you have mutual friends even better. You need to be who he fell in love with at the start, at the moment he has the impression you are waiting for him so also start casual dating, dont go out looking for a new boyfriend just go meet new people

  7. Avatar

    Lynette Dillard

    July 31, 2019 at 8:50 pm

    I was seeing this guy for about a year we never had sex but we did go on lost of dates and we kissed alot, one day he told me his ex mom passed away and he would be going to her home going, I never heard from him again, he won’t pick up my calls and won’t text me back, but I’m not blocked from his phone or on Facebook. What happened

  8. Avatar

    hannah

    July 4, 2019 at 1:45 am

    I had nearly 4 year relationship with my ex bf and one month ago he broke up with me first. He cut all contact with me ( deactivate all his fb and change his ph no.) We had minor arugments throughout the RS and sometimes we got into a fight. Sometimes the words I used may be quite. abusive to him though i didnt mean it. I was very devastated after he had left him. We had never been in a LDRS when I was distant from him for about one month he planned to break up with me. I got into no contact period but still wondered whether he would contact me.
    I was very guilty being naggy and verbally abusive towards him ( I was abusive because he did the things i really don’t like ( sometimes he was quite abusive too) . In fact the failure of RS got me into severe depression. I want to get back with him
    What should i do? @

  9. Avatar

    Charlie

    June 27, 2019 at 12:58 pm

    My ex of 2 years broke up with me three weeks ago, he initially asked for a break which lasted a week. I didn’t take it seriously at the time, turns out I took him for granted thoughout our relationship, he always contacted me first and made me feel loved (something I didn’t do in return, I’ve since learned I had barriers up through fear of getting hurt from previous experiences)
    I text him the same day we broke up asking for another chance and telling him I loved him. He said he still loved me and would miss me but it was too hard. His reason for breaking up was he felt lost and I never promised a future (those barriers again) he said the distance was too much as he felt I would never move (45 mins apart). I then text him again 3 days later apologising for the way I was and a day later he sent a lengthy message back again saying he will miss me and loved our time together but feels like he has lost himself. I then text him last Saturday (2 weeks after the initial breakup) basically a long letter declaring that I did want a future and I’ve realised I didn’t give him enough and I could change. I ended it by asking him not to reply as it would only prevent me moving on because in truth I don’t want to. He’s a really nice guy and so respected my wishes, I’m crushed and since finding your website feel I’ve completely ruined my chances. I should also add with his previous girlfriend (3 years before me) he said it ended and he just cut it off and moved on. I’m devastated and can’t believe you can love someone and do this.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 27, 2019 at 1:58 pm

      Hi Charlie….some guys get turmoil inside and need some time and space to figure things. Breakups are often a bit messy and people say and do things they don’t mean. Consider picking up my Program, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro Bundle” as it will help you with managing thru all of this and with implementing a No Contact period and then how to restart the relationship afterwords.

  10. Avatar

    Sam M

    December 28, 2018 at 10:02 am

    Hi Chris,

    I would love to get your feedback on my situation. My ex broke up with me 3 days before Christmas after a fight we had 4 days before. The night of the fight he messaged me and told me to leave him alone so he could study for his finals so I expected to hear from him when they were over but I heard nothing for two days later. The fight happened on a Tuesday and he broke up with me on a Saturday. I had messaged his sister Saturday morning because I was getting worried that I had sent 5 messages and wasn’t getting any response. This radio silence had happened once before in October when he didn’t talk to me for 2 weeks more than a few words after his brother died. Also the fight then was about the same topic(pictures of his ex on his computer that I had asked him to get rid of). I know he doesn’t speak to her and she has a bf so I don’t think it has to do with that really but that the fight was just the final thing to push him over the edge (I trust him and we are completely transparent with our passwords and sharing phones etc.)
    With the death of his brother, finals, and also the fact he has depression issues I think it was all too much. He broke up with me over text telling me he needs to work on himself right now, I deserve the world and he can’t give the to me right now. I am beyond devastated. We always talked about a future, had plans to move cities together in May, and spoke of kids all the time. He told me the day before our fight that I’m the love of his life, which he said often, and always was so kind and affectionate. I can’t believe the man of my dreams broke up with me over a text and hasn’t said a word since. He hasn’t changed his fb status or taken our pics off but I know it’s a matter or time. I don’t know what to do, I’ve already called him a few times and sent a few texts but not for the past few days. We just celebrated our 1 year anniversary a week and a half ago and he took me on a romantic date. I am lost and I want to fix this but I am unsure if I will be able to trust him to not run away again. Thanks for your time.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 29, 2018 at 2:25 am

      Hi Sam!

      I know that’s a tough time for a breakup to happen. Sounds like you both are trying to repair the relationship. Just think small steps. Don’t push too fast….don’t chase….seek balance in your interactions with him.

  11. Avatar

    Sarah

    December 10, 2018 at 7:36 am

    We had a 9 month loving relationship and he was always telling me how much I meant to him and how happy I made him. We had an argument that got out of control and we broke up (initiated by me out of anger). I tried to contact him the next day to make up but he wouldn’t reply. I apologised a week later and he said he’d like to stay friends. I was devastated so decided to go nc to give us both some space. Three weeks in, I discover he started a relationship less than two weeks after we broke up. I messaged him to ask if it was true but he wouldn’t admit it, just saying how he was improving himself and his life. I got emotional about it but he didnt reply. I sent him an unkind message after too many drinks. I saw him a few days later with this girl and he seemed angry with me. He showed up a week later in a place he knew I would be and kept appearing with this new girl. He acts like he hates me. Is he proving he’s over me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 10, 2018 at 11:30 pm

      Hi Sarah…Yeah…he might be trying to wrestle with it all in his head, but my guess is he is a bit confused deep down. Stick with your ex recovery plan, making sure you make time for yourself and your recovery/healing needs.

  12. Avatar

    Raquel

    December 8, 2018 at 2:39 am

    hi Chris,
    My ex boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. Three day after the break up he text to find how i was doing but my dad had my phone and at the time i didn’t tell him about us breaking up so at time reply to him but he was joking around with him and my ex got mad think it was i send the messages. i text him got it fix but after that he want to be friend so at time i say yes think that if i say no he will properly think im not try move on. after a week or so he text again and he ask if im moving on and answer honestly and told him no. He say he move on which hard to believe because we dated for 2 years and 6 months. The end of that text message we got argument because he say i need grow up and move on after that i block him out angry but later that day i unblock him. but since then i have gone in no contact and i see him once a while because we live in small city but he wont talk to me. i ask him when first broke why did break up with me he say he was not feeling bond and today one of my old co-worker visit him and ask him why he broke with me he told her we never had time for each other which is true because im working and go school and he is working and we not living close to each other. And lately he been hang around with his friend from work a lot. how get him back ?
    when he show like he move on

  13. Avatar

    Desiree

    November 20, 2018 at 2:38 am

    Hi chris,

    He texted me awhile back after I had asked if he moved on… and his reply within two days was “Hey yes I’ve moved on” but I just have this gut feeling he didn’t move on yet…I don’t know maybe I’m just crazy

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 20, 2018 at 10:08 pm

      Hi Desiree!

      Yeah…I agree. Guys say they move on, but then later discover feelings they didn’t know were there because they pushed them below the surface. Best for you to tap into my Program so as to optimize your chances.

  14. Avatar

    Sofie

    November 18, 2018 at 9:31 am

    2 & a half months later & he’s moved on? I had last seen him about 2 weeks ago & he surprisingly came up to me, even tho he was being hot & cold after I last reached out. We had a good talk he seemed happy to see me. But then I find out he has made it official w/ his new girl, as of today? He seems to be very happy. I can’t believe he’s moved on. He has never posted about her till today my friend told me. I feel he’s been hiding their relationship from me & if he has posted about it, then he’s probably blocked me from seeing it. However, he’s still looking at my posts. I still love him. I don’t know what to do i know on top of that I know I’ll see him again, at the gym.

  15. Avatar

    V

    November 17, 2018 at 1:31 am

    I’ve been in an on and off relationship for 3 years.

    Recently he saw that I had written “your peeps are creative” to someone’s group Halloween photo. The freaked out and said I was hitting on other men. When I tried to hug him to calm him down, he pushed me off. He then deleted all my photos from his IG and FB. That same night his sister in law called and asked if he and I broke up. I told her what happened and she went and did a blast text message to his entire family about him being an abuser. She said she is purposely pushing me out for my own good.

    He then text me that night extremely angry and told me he’s breaking up with me. He then blocked me from everything without even hearing my side of the story.

    He has blocked me many times before when he had dumped me in the past (he usually breaks up with me every 4 months or so). But this is the longest he has ever blocked me (2 weeks). Is he gone forever or will he return?

    How can I win him back when I’m blocked on everything?

    How do I know if he’s a narcissist?

    Thank you for you time.

  16. Avatar

    Hailey

    November 14, 2018 at 10:33 am

    I’ve been in no contact for almost 3 months. He reached out to me 2 months ago and told me he missed me. Last week he liked a new photo of me on Facebook and a couple of days ago he hung out with my best (guy) friend and wanted to go partying with him this weekend.

    Is this a positive thing for me? Is he hanging out with my bestfriend to stay close to me or is that just wishful thinking?

  17. Avatar

    sam

    November 13, 2018 at 10:37 pm

    My ex and I stopped talking about 7 weeks ago. I broke no contact last week and haven’t heard back. He has made no effort to reach out to me since our breakup, except while we were still communicating for the first few weeks. The only reassurance I have that he cares about me is that he occasionally checks my instagram but he doesn’t follow me. Is he gone for good?

  18. Avatar

    Annie

    November 13, 2018 at 9:21 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve been on the FB page and reading your ERP Guide and was wondering about my situation. I have told you previously that my ex was immature and told everybody about me lying and he treats it almost like a cheating situation. He says that he cannot trust me because I lied. Any advice on if I should also treat my situation like a cheating situation?
    Thank you for always being so responsive!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 14, 2018 at 1:55 am

      Hi Annie!

      Yeah….some guys can be very immature. I would not get invested in all his emotions. Carry on with your own healing and ex recovery efforts.