Fear is one of the best motivations I’ve ever encountered.
When it comes to my clients there is probably nothing more frightening than realizing that your ex is gone for good.
This fear motivates them enough to do extensive research or to ask me what I think about their situation.
Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of variations of this question so I thought it would be prudent to create an article to answer it for you.
Below I have compiled a list of six situations that you need to keep an eye out for.
6 Signs That Your Ex May Be Gone For Good
I think there’s a huge misconception about this topic.
When someone asks me,
Chris, can you tell me if my ex is gone for good?
What I think they are really asking is,
Do I still have a chance?
Quite frankly, it’s impossible for me to know everything your ex is thinking, even though usually I’m pretty good at determining that. Therefore, I can’t even say with certainty that your ex is “gone for good.”
What I can say though is that I’ve been doing this for almost seven years now and have learned a lot about what situations are favorable and what situations aren’t.
That’s what I’d like to focus on today.
Below is a list of situations I’ve found to affect your overall chances in a negative way,
- Non Responsive Exes
- Long Distance Relationships
- Being Put In A Full Out Block
- Big Age Gaps
- You’ve Been Broken Up For Longer Than 8 Months
Now, most of my peers might end the article here but I prefer to take the more scenic route and actually detail why these situations aren’t favorable.
Are you ready?
Situation #1: Cheating
What I think most of my clients fail to understand is that getting an ex back really boils down to one singular thing.
The internal conversation happening in their head.
It may sound strange but this is where all the decisions get made.
Therefore, it’s not good if your ex thinks something like this,
It creates a kind of internal headwind that will prevent them from ever considering getting back together with you.
Cheating is the ultimate breach of trust.
If you cheated on your ex then you have put yourself in a situation with a lot of headwind.
Your ex will be thinking all kinds of thoughts,
- I can’t believe they did that.
- I can’t stop thinking of them in bed with that other person
- Did they ever love me?
- I hate them.
- I love them.
- I miss them.
- I can’t forgive them.
Most of these thoughts don’t do anything to help reconnect the two of you.
It just serves as this perpetual torment of their own making.
All in all, it lowers your chances significantly if you’ve breached their trust in this way. Now, with that being said it’s not like this is a total death sentence.
In fact, none of the situations on this article are true death sentences.
There is always a way out.
However, those ways out are slimmer than normal.
Situation #2: Non Responsive Exes
I’d like to switch gears for a moment and tell you a personal story.
It may seem unrelated but I promise you it isn’t.
When I was starting college I had a major crush on a girl who sat next to me in one of my classes.
One day I worked up the courage to ask for her number,
I was lucky enough to get her to say yes.
From there I worked my way towards achieving a date.
But I must have tried too hard and scared her off because soon I was met with little or no response to my text messages,
And this was a good set of messages.
As you can imagine I never did get to go on a date with the girl.
And I never really found out what her problem with me was.
But I’ve had time to speculate and ultimately I think it boils down to one thing.
She wasn’t excited.
She didn’t feel that spark with me and rather than hurting my feelings she just slowly slipped away.
I think a lot of people are like this.
They despise confrontation so they’ll simply avoid it.
This is potentially why an ex will avoid talking to you or be unresponsive.
They don’t want a big confrontation so they simply avoid it by using this coping mechanism.
Situation #3: Long Distance Relationships
When I was planning this article out I took two lines of thinking.
- What are the most obvious situations that will have a lower success rate?
- What are the actual situations with lower success rates?
Unfortunately, long distance relationships don’t have our best success rate.
Sure, I’ve had a few great ones over the years,
But if you are taking a big picture view it’s hard not to notice the fact that long distance relationship success stories are hard to come by.
Why is this?
Well, I like to think it’s because they are a logistical nightmare.
Lately I’ve been going on and on about my triangle theory with how everyone has this small window of opportunity where their chances with their exes peak.
The trajectory kind of looks like this,
In other words, you want to time out everything perfectly so you are making your big moves at this point in time,
The issue with long distance relationships is that so many things can impede your progress during this point.
- What if you can’t see them during this period of time?
- You have to kind of bull rush the in person interactions which lessens their effectiveness
- What if your ex moved on to someone else and you are a country away?
So many things can go wrong and often they do.
This is why I think the long distance relationship situations are difficult.
Now, with that being said we have had some pretty great success stories with coaching clients so don’t think it’s a death sentence, it’s not.
Situation #4: Being Put In A Full Out Block
Being blocked by the person you love is never fun.
It really plays into this idea of reactance.
If you didn’t know, the theory of reactance states that when someone takes a behavioral freedom away from you, you will probably react in a way to get that freedom back.
Having your ex block you taps into that need to react.
But what I think a lot of my peers miss is the fact that there are different levels of being blocked.
You’ve got shifty blockers which is where your ex pogo sticks their way from blocking you to unblocking you.
You’ve got partial blockers which is where your ex will block you on Facebook but you are unblocked other places.
And then you have the full out block. This is where your ex blocks you everywhere and you have no way of communicating with them at all.
The full out block is an indicator of something a bit more serious in my opinion.
For them to take the time to block you everywhere means they really don’t want to talk to you and it’s something that will definitely lower your chances.
Situation #5: There Is A Big Age Gap
A few months ago I created a special YouTube video where I talked about the eleven factors of love,
One of those factors was something I called social influence.
Basically I posited that in some cases outside pressure from your sphere of influence can impact love.
Sphere of Influence: The people you surround yourself with whose opinion you listen to. This can include friends, family, work colleagues and hero’s.
One thing I’ve seen from working with my coaching clients is that social influence can definitely have a huge impact on big age gaps.
I can’t tell you how many times friends or family have disapproved on there being a big age gap in a couple and one member of the couple takes it to heart and lets it ruin the relationship.
I liken it to waking up from a dream you don’t want to wake up from.
You were enjoying the dream but it’s not real.
And that simple fact ruins the dream.
The same principle applies here.
Sometimes exes find this to be too much to overcome.
Situation #6: You’ve Been Broken Up For More Than 8 Months
You remember my triangle theory example above, right?
Don’t worry, I have to remind my coaching clients about it all the time.
Basically there is a window of opportunity where your chances peak.
That window is where you want to make some serious progress.
But when does that window of opportunity generally occur?
Well, according to my research it’s around 3 to 7 months after the breakup.
In other words, the downward trend on your chances begin right at the 8 month mark starting from the breakup.
Keep in mind that every situation is unique and this statement is by no means an all encompassing statement. It’s simply looking at the average.
Nevertheless, it’s important to use some logic here.
It makes sense that time does matter here.
The further removed from the breakup you are the less likely you are to reunite with your ex.