Fear is one of the best motivations I’ve ever encountered.

When it comes to my clients there is probably nothing more frightening than realizing that your ex is gone for good.

This fear motivates them enough to do extensive research or to ask me what I think about their situation.

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of variations of this question so I thought it would be prudent to create an article to answer it for you.

Below I have compiled a list of six situations that you need to keep an eye out for.

6 Signs That Your Ex May Be Gone For Good

I think there’s a huge misconception about this topic.

When someone asks me,

Chris, can you tell me if my ex is gone for good?

What I think they are really asking is,

Do I still have a chance?

Quite frankly, it’s impossible for me to know everything your ex is thinking, even though usually I’m pretty good at determining that. Therefore, I can’t even say with certainty that your ex is “gone for good.”

What I can say though is that I’ve been doing this for almost seven years now and have learned a lot about what situations are favorable and what situations aren’t.

That’s what I’d like to focus on today.

Below is a list of situations I’ve found to affect your overall chances in a negative way,

  1. Cheating
  2. Non Responsive Exes
  3. Long Distance Relationships
  4. Being Put In A Full Out Block
  5. Big Age Gaps
  6. You’ve Been Broken Up For Longer Than 8 Months

Now, most of my peers might end the article here but I prefer to take the more scenic route and actually detail why these situations aren’t favorable.

Are you ready?

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Situation #1: Cheating

What I think most of my clients fail to understand is that getting an ex back really boils down to one singular thing.

The internal conversation happening in their head.

It may sound strange but this is where all the decisions get made.

Therefore, it’s not good if your ex thinks something like this,

It creates a kind of internal headwind that will prevent them from ever considering getting back together with you.

Cheating is the ultimate breach of trust.

If you cheated on your ex then you have put yourself in a situation with a lot of headwind.

Your ex will be thinking all kinds of thoughts,

  • I can’t believe they did that.
  • I can’t stop thinking of them in bed with that other person
  • Did they ever love me?
  • I hate them.
  • I love them.
  • I miss them.
  • I can’t forgive them.

Most of these thoughts don’t do anything to help reconnect the two of you.

It just serves as this perpetual torment of their own making.

All in all, it lowers your chances significantly if you’ve breached their trust in this way. Now, with that being said it’s not like this is a total death sentence.

In fact, none of the situations on this article are true death sentences.

There is always a way out.

However, those ways out are slimmer than normal.

Situation #2: Non Responsive Exes

I’d like to switch gears for a moment and tell you a personal story.

It may seem unrelated but I promise you it isn’t.

When I was starting college I had a major crush on a girl who sat next to me in one of my classes.

One day I worked up the courage to ask for her number,

I was lucky enough to get her to say yes.

From there I worked my way towards achieving a date.

But I must have tried too hard and scared her off because soon I was met with little or no response to my text messages,

And this was a good set of messages.

As you can imagine I never did get to go on a date with the girl.

And I never really found out what her problem with me was.

But I’ve had time to speculate and ultimately I think it boils down to one thing.

She wasn’t excited.

She didn’t feel that spark with me and rather than hurting my feelings she just slowly slipped away.

I think a lot of people are like this.

They despise confrontation so they’ll simply avoid it.

This is potentially why an ex will avoid talking to you or be unresponsive.

They don’t want a big confrontation so they simply avoid it by using this coping mechanism.

Situation #3: Long Distance Relationships

When I was planning this article out I took two lines of thinking.

  1. What are the most obvious situations that will have a lower success rate?
  2. What are the actual situations with lower success rates?

Unfortunately, long distance relationships don’t have our best success rate.

Sure, I’ve had a few great ones over the years,

But if you are taking a big picture view it’s hard not to notice the fact that long distance relationship success stories are hard to come by.

Why is this?

Well, I like to think it’s because they are a logistical nightmare.

Lately I’ve been going on and on about my triangle theory with how everyone has this small window of opportunity where their chances with their exes peak.

The trajectory kind of looks like this,

In other words, you want to time out everything perfectly so you are making your big moves at this point in time,

The issue with long distance relationships is that so many things can impede your progress during this point.

  • What if you can’t see them during this period of time?
  • You have to kind of bull rush the in person interactions which lessens their effectiveness
  • What if your ex moved on to someone else and you are a country away?

So many things can go wrong and often they do.

This is why I think the long distance relationship situations are difficult.

Now, with that being said we have had some pretty great success stories with coaching clients so don’t think it’s a death sentence, it’s not.

Situation #4: Being Put In A Full Out Block

Being blocked by the person you love is never fun.

It really plays into this idea of reactance.

If you didn’t know, the theory of reactance states that when someone takes a behavioral freedom away from you, you will probably react in a way to get that freedom back.

Having your ex block you taps into that need to react.

But what I think a lot of my peers miss is the fact that there are different levels of being blocked.

You’ve got shifty blockers which is where your ex pogo sticks their way from blocking you to unblocking you.

You’ve got partial blockers which is where your ex will block you on Facebook but you are unblocked other places.

And then you have the full out block. This is where your ex blocks you everywhere and you have no way of communicating with them at all.

The full out block is an indicator of something a bit more serious in my opinion.

For them to take the time to block you everywhere means they really don’t want to talk to you and it’s something that will definitely lower your chances.

Situation #5: There Is A Big Age Gap

A few months ago I created a special YouTube video where I talked about the eleven factors of love,

One of those factors was something I called social influence.

Basically I posited that in some cases outside pressure from your sphere of influence can impact love.

Sphere of Influence: The people you surround yourself with whose opinion you listen to. This can include friends, family, work colleagues and hero’s.

One thing I’ve seen from working with my coaching clients is that social influence can definitely have a huge impact on big age gaps.

I can’t tell you how many times friends or family have disapproved on there being a big age gap in a couple and one member of the couple takes it to heart and lets it ruin the relationship.

I liken it to waking up from a dream you don’t want to wake up from.

You were enjoying the dream but it’s not real.

And that simple fact ruins the dream.

The same principle applies here.

Sometimes exes find this to be too much to overcome.

Situation #6: You’ve Been Broken Up For More Than 8 Months

You remember my triangle theory example above, right?

You don’t?

Don’t worry, I have to remind my coaching clients about it all the time.

Basically there is a window of opportunity where your chances peak.

That window is where you want to make some serious progress.

But when does that window of opportunity generally occur?

Well, according to my research it’s around 3 to 7 months after the breakup.

In other words, the downward trend on your chances begin right at the 8 month mark starting from the breakup.

Keep in mind that every situation is unique and this statement is by no means an all encompassing statement. It’s simply looking at the average.

Nevertheless, it’s important to use some logic here.

It makes sense that time does matter here.

The further removed from the breakup you are the less likely you are to reunite with your ex.

11 thoughts on “Is My Ex Gone For Good?”

  1. Sarah

    December 10, 2018 at 7:36 am

    We had a 9 month loving relationship and he was always telling me how much I meant to him and how happy I made him. We had an argument that got out of control and we broke up (initiated by me out of anger). I tried to contact him the next day to make up but he wouldn’t reply. I apologised a week later and he said he’d like to stay friends. I was devastated so decided to go nc to give us both some space. Three weeks in, I discover he started a relationship less than two weeks after we broke up. I messaged him to ask if it was true but he wouldn’t admit it, just saying how he was improving himself and his life. I got emotional about it but he didnt reply. I sent him an unkind message after too many drinks. I saw him a few days later with this girl and he seemed angry with me. He showed up a week later in a place he knew I would be and kept appearing with this new girl. He acts like he hates me. Is he proving he’s over me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 10, 2018 at 11:30 pm

      Hi Sarah…Yeah…he might be trying to wrestle with it all in his head, but my guess is he is a bit confused deep down. Stick with your ex recovery plan, making sure you make time for yourself and your recovery/healing needs.

  2. Raquel

    December 8, 2018 at 2:39 am

    hi Chris,
    My ex boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. Three day after the break up he text to find how i was doing but my dad had my phone and at the time i didn’t tell him about us breaking up so at time reply to him but he was joking around with him and my ex got mad think it was i send the messages. i text him got it fix but after that he want to be friend so at time i say yes think that if i say no he will properly think im not try move on. after a week or so he text again and he ask if im moving on and answer honestly and told him no. He say he move on which hard to believe because we dated for 2 years and 6 months. The end of that text message we got argument because he say i need grow up and move on after that i block him out angry but later that day i unblock him. but since then i have gone in no contact and i see him once a while because we live in small city but he wont talk to me. i ask him when first broke why did break up with me he say he was not feeling bond and today one of my old co-worker visit him and ask him why he broke with me he told her we never had time for each other which is true because im working and go school and he is working and we not living close to each other. And lately he been hang around with his friend from work a lot. how get him back ?
    when he show like he move on

  3. Desiree

    November 20, 2018 at 2:38 am

    Hi chris,

    He texted me awhile back after I had asked if he moved on… and his reply within two days was “Hey yes I’ve moved on” but I just have this gut feeling he didn’t move on yet…I don’t know maybe I’m just crazy

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 20, 2018 at 10:08 pm

      Hi Desiree!

      Yeah…I agree. Guys say they move on, but then later discover feelings they didn’t know were there because they pushed them below the surface. Best for you to tap into my Program so as to optimize your chances.

  4. Sofie

    November 18, 2018 at 9:31 am

    2 & a half months later & he’s moved on? I had last seen him about 2 weeks ago & he surprisingly came up to me, even tho he was being hot & cold after I last reached out. We had a good talk he seemed happy to see me. But then I find out he has made it official w/ his new girl, as of today? He seems to be very happy. I can’t believe he’s moved on. He has never posted about her till today my friend told me. I feel he’s been hiding their relationship from me & if he has posted about it, then he’s probably blocked me from seeing it. However, he’s still looking at my posts. I still love him. I don’t know what to do i know on top of that I know I’ll see him again, at the gym.

  5. V

    November 17, 2018 at 1:31 am

    I’ve been in an on and off relationship for 3 years.

    Recently he saw that I had written “your peeps are creative” to someone’s group Halloween photo. The freaked out and said I was hitting on other men. When I tried to hug him to calm him down, he pushed me off. He then deleted all my photos from his IG and FB. That same night his sister in law called and asked if he and I broke up. I told her what happened and she went and did a blast text message to his entire family about him being an abuser. She said she is purposely pushing me out for my own good.

    He then text me that night extremely angry and told me he’s breaking up with me. He then blocked me from everything without even hearing my side of the story.

    He has blocked me many times before when he had dumped me in the past (he usually breaks up with me every 4 months or so). But this is the longest he has ever blocked me (2 weeks). Is he gone forever or will he return?

    How can I win him back when I’m blocked on everything?

    How do I know if he’s a narcissist?

    Thank you for you time.

  6. Hailey

    November 14, 2018 at 10:33 am

    I’ve been in no contact for almost 3 months. He reached out to me 2 months ago and told me he missed me. Last week he liked a new photo of me on Facebook and a couple of days ago he hung out with my best (guy) friend and wanted to go partying with him this weekend.

    Is this a positive thing for me? Is he hanging out with my bestfriend to stay close to me or is that just wishful thinking?

  7. sam

    November 13, 2018 at 10:37 pm

    My ex and I stopped talking about 7 weeks ago. I broke no contact last week and haven’t heard back. He has made no effort to reach out to me since our breakup, except while we were still communicating for the first few weeks. The only reassurance I have that he cares about me is that he occasionally checks my instagram but he doesn’t follow me. Is he gone for good?

  8. Annie

    November 13, 2018 at 9:21 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve been on the FB page and reading your ERP Guide and was wondering about my situation. I have told you previously that my ex was immature and told everybody about me lying and he treats it almost like a cheating situation. He says that he cannot trust me because I lied. Any advice on if I should also treat my situation like a cheating situation?
    Thank you for always being so responsive!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 14, 2018 at 1:55 am

      Hi Annie!

      Yeah….some guys can be very immature. I would not get invested in all his emotions. Carry on with your own healing and ex recovery efforts.

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