Today we’re going to look at the top signs that show you that your ex is over you for good.
Except instead of giving you a traditional list I figured I’d dive deep and look at the most common “real” behaviors I’ve taken note of since I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
Here are the 12 signs that your ex is over you for good.
- Your Ex Ignores You For 66 Days
- Your Ex Has Been With Someone New For More Than 8 Months
- Your Ex Has Left Mutual Connections Behind
- Your Ex No Longer Feels The Need To Respond To You In A Timely Manner
- You Begin To Notice Your Conversations Lack Meaning
- Your Ex Stops Interacting With You On Social Media
- Your Ex Stops Flaunting Their Happiness All Over The Place
- Your Ex Blocks You And Hasn’t Unblocked You After Six Months
- Your Exes Words And Actions Align
- Your Ex Broke Up With You And Then Moved Away
- You And Your Ex Weren’t Together For Very Long
- Your Ex Has A History Of Jumping From Relationship To Relationship
Let’s dig in deeper and talk about each one of these signs in-depth.
Sign #1: Ignoring You For 66 Days In A Row
Have you ever wondered how long it takes to make or break a habit?
A simple online search might tell you that it takes something like 21 days.
But more recent research has suggested that it actually takes more like 66 days to either form or break a habit.
In ‘Making Habits, Breaking Habits: Why We Do Things, Why We Don’t, and How to Make Any Change Stick‘, psychologist Jeremy Dean discusses a study at University College London. 96 people were asked to choose something they wanted to become a habit, e.g. drinking a glass of water every day after breakfast. For 84 days, they logged if they had done it or not, and also how automatic it felt. On average it took 66 days until a habit was formed, that is until the action became an impulse and they hardly had to think about it.
This means you have 66 days before your ex’s habit of communicating with you (or thinking about you) has been broken.
But even this number isn’t cut and dried. The study’s participants had varying rates of success depending on how hard the habit was to form. More difficult habits, for example doing 100 sit-ups a day, quite simply take longer to form.
So, the habit of not talking to someone who was important to them will be a hard one to break for an ex, even if they say they no longer love you.
Habits are very powerful.
You can use strategies to take advantage of this difficulty in breaking a habit – like the No Contact Rule (contradictory though that may seem!) and good use of social media.
If you ex is curious about you, and especially if he sees how you are making the most of your life without him, you are making that habit of not talking to you or thinking about you harder to cement.
If you’re trying to build a habit like, say, taking a multivitamin with your breakfast, that’s probably going to be an easy one. But if you’re trying to break the habit of contact with an ex, someone you used to speak to and see often, that’s going to be harder.
All the emotions involved and all the other habits you maybe shared (FaceTime calls every Wednesday, date nights, pizza on a Friday night, grocery shopping every week…), will make it even more difficult for your ex.
Typically speaking, if you’re not talking with your ex that’s pretty normal. Breakups are negative, and men especially will often react by pulling away hard, and not interacting with you is part of this. It’s easier for your ex, especially if they broke up with you.
Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, we usually recommend that people do a No Contact Rule and don’t talk to their ex on purpose for a certain length of time.
Ignoring them is going to help you. And initially, them ignoring you is also going to help (even though it hurts).
No Contact means they have a chance to get over the breakup.
The negative, painful feelings associated with the breakdown of your relationship will fade. It also makes them curious about why you aren’t reacting typically to the breakup, for example by being visibly upset and begging for them back.
It also gives you a chance to recover and improve your life.
So how does this information about habits help you to tell if your ex is over you for good?
Well, if you attempt to reach out to them after No Contact and they ignore you for 66 days in a row, that’s not a good sign.
It means they have got out of the habit of talking to you. If they ignore you for 30, 35 days, anything up to the 66, that’s still within the range where it’s kind of okay.
After 66 days things don’t look so great. It will be harder (though not impossible) for you to regenerate that habit and get them wanting to talk to you again.
Sign #2: They Have Been With Someone For Longer Than 8 Months
A few months ago I did a video called Signs Your Ex Is Gone For Good.
In it I explored this idea of exes moving on to someone else, and how this can be your biggest fear when you break up.
One thing I was looking at was when breakups typically tend to happen in rebound relationships, and in that video I concluded that
Between the month four and seven marks tend to be where rebound relationships begin to fail.
But it stands to reason that if a new relationship lasts for longer than 8 months, it’s beginning to get pretty serious and it’s not a good sign for them feeling any romantic feelings towards you. In other words, it’s a sign that he could potentially be over you for good.
Sign #3: Your Ex Has Left Mutual Connections Behind
So, he’s left your mutual connections behind.
First things first, what are mutual connections?
- Mutual friends
- Shared accounts
Basically it’s any type of “connection” that the two of you shared when you were together.
Now, there are a few exceptions to this rule, like truly meaningful friendships.
Let’s say your ex became besties with one of your friends and that relationship grew into something more meaningful to them than your entire relationship.
It’s unlikely that they are going to throw that one away.
But if he’s still hanging out with your weird cousin that you know he could hardly stand to be in the same room as, or perhaps he’s reaching out to your mother as if they were BFF’s when you know he thinks she sounds like an annoying chipmunk, then you know he’s pulling out all the stops he can to stay connected to you.
However, if he was doing all of these things and suddenly stopped, then it’s safe to assume that he’s trying to move forward with his life.
Sign #4: Your Ex No Longer Feels The Need To Respond To You In A Timely Manner
Imagine for a moment that after the breakup you and your ex have stayed in touch.
Yet the conversations seem to lack that meaning that defined your relationship in the first place.
Worst of all your ex is super spotty on when they respond.
You get the feeling that they are simply replying to you “to be nice.”
Generally speaking when someone is interested in a conversation with you there is a certain give and take.
You text them and they almost immediately respond.
Maybe that happens at first when you talk to your ex but eventually they either end the conversation by not responding or by responding five hours later with a one word text message.
These are signs that your ex isn’t interested in having a conversation with you and depending on how far removed you are from the breakup they could be responding “just to be nice.”
Sign #5: You Begin To Notice Conversations Lack Meaning
The truth is that sign #4 and sign #5 are sort of connected.
Like cause and effect.
Generally if your ex isn’t responding to you in a timely manner that usually means whatever conversations you had in the past lacked meaning.
So, what’s the difference between a conversation with an ex that has meaning compared to one that doesn’t have meaning.
- Conversation With Meaning: Talking about something your ex is super passionate about.
- Conversations Without Meaning: Talking about the weather.
If you are noticing that almost all of your conversations with your ex lack meaning and are only touching on “surface level” topics then it could be a sign your ex isn’t really interested in talking to you at all but is simply “being nice.”
Sign #6: Your Ex Stops Interacting With You On Social Media
With the advent of Instagram the dating gods gifted us with the ability to see if our exes are spying on us.
Basically, whenever you post an Instagram story you are shown exactly who has watched it.
It’s a pretty nifty tool you can use to tell if your ex is still spying on you post breakup.
We know from some pretty interesting research that there’s a close to 90% chance (source) your ex will be stalking you via social media.
Instagram just gave us the ability to confirm that.
But this post is all about signs your ex is over you.
So, what happens when an ex who was,
- Watching your instagram stories
- Liking your Facebook Photos
- Commenting On Your Posts
Usually it’s not a good sign.
We’ve already established that if your ex wanted to they could theoretically get over you in 66 days.
Part of “them getting over you” would include a stoppage of addictive behavior like spying on you constantly.
So, if you notice this sudden stoppage in this type of behavior it could be a sign that they are taking a step towards getting over you.
Now, I do feel it’s important to mention that if your ex isn’t on social media and has never been one for it this sign may not apply to your situation.
Sign #7: Your Ex Stops Flaunting Their Happiness All Over The Place
So, what does this look like exactly?
Have you ever heard of the concept of “winning the breakup.”
Generally speaking when someone talks about this they are usually talking about the concept that they want to be the one that is having success post breakup.
This tends to be where exes overcorrect.
They post things on social media that are indirect jibes at you.
“Oh, look how happy I am without you.”
Once you are over something, you don’t feel the need to prove anything to anyone.
So, you stop feeling the need to Instagram that delicious lunch you had, the fact that you had three dates this week, or that you have dropped 13 pounds since the breakup.
So, the absence of happy posts, or really posts at all, can be a sign that your ex doesn’t feel the need to flaunt their life in your face.
Sign #8: Your Ex Blocks You And Hasn’t Unblocked You In Six Months
I’ve written a lot about what to do when you’ve been blocked on this website.
I’ve written a lot about the difference between soft blocks and hard blocks.
- Soft Block = You are blocked but not everywhere
- Hard Block = You are blocked everywhere
Perhaps one of the most interesting findings we’ve had in our coaching practice is the fact that most exes will unblock you if you simply remain calm throughout the process.
Close to 70% in fact.
But what happens if you are in a “hard block” and your ex hasn’t unblocked you after six months.
This is obviously not a good sign.
If I am being brutally honest and put myself in your exes shoes the only time I would block someone and keep them blocked for more than six months is if I am interested in getting over this person for good.
I actually have personal experience in this realm.
To this day I have my very first ex girlfriend blocked on my Facebook account.
Well, I was an immature kid when the breakup went down almost 15 years ago BUT after a few months I decided to block her because I found I got into the unhealthy habit of constantly spying on what she was up to.
So, I blocked her.
I did unblock her every once in a while to spy (because I lacked discipline and self control) but I always ended up blocking her again for my own sanity and after about 6 months I had moved on emotionally.
Sign #9: Their Words And Actions Align
I’m a big believer in words and actions aligning. So if someone says, “I’m over you,” or, “I don’t love you any more,” or “It’s not you, it’s me,” that doesn’t really mean much to me, especially when you’re looking at the clients I work with.
What’s more important is actions.
What someone does is far more important than what they say.
I can’t tell you how many women I’ve helped get back with their ex-boyfriends who’ve literally had their exes say, “I don’t love you any more, “This isn’t for me,” “You need to move on,” only to have them come back a few months later saying, “I didn’t really mean that…”
What matters most are a person’s actions. So if you have an ex who has said any of those things, if their actions align with that over the course of 66 to 90 days, that’s usually not a great sign for you.
But if your ex says they never want to see you again, then they’re creeping on your social media, that’s their actions not aligning with their words.
If they say they’re over you but they watch your every move when you happen to be in the same bar or party, that’s actions and words not matching up.
They are still orbiting around you, and their actions tend to tell the story of what they’re really thinking.
Note that it can definitely take longer than a couple of months to get an ex back. In fact, we find that at the absolute best, clients can see results within three months at minimum. That’s 90 days, and that’s if things are going well. Sometimes it can take a year or more to see results, and you have to be doing the right things.
So keep that in mind.
If you still think you have a chance, the best and fastest way to find the answer to that questions is to take that super simple and fast quiz here on the site.
And if there’s anything you want adding to this article, please let me know in the comments below. I love interacting with you all, and I try to personally answer as many questions as I possibly can.
Sign #10: Your Ex Broke Up With You And Then Moved Away
So, what does this look like?
A lot of people misunderstand this and think I’m talking about long distance relationships.
That is not what this is.
This is when you encounter a situation where your ex breaks up with you and then immediately afterwards moves completely across the country to get away.
They don’t do this for work.
They do this “just because.”
For whatever reason we have not seen a lot of successes in this particular scenario.
Well, that’s something I’ve been puzzling over for years.
A part of me wants to blame it on “fearful avoidant” tendencies made real but I’m not quite sure that’s it.
The best hypothesis that I’ve ever been able to come up with is that an ex who does this to you is trying to start over completely in every aspect of their life.
When I was 15 or 16 years old I used to play this baseball video game where you could “create a team.”
I would sink hours into it trying to have a perfect season and many times I would get close but something inevitably would always go wrong.
Instead of trying again I would reset the entire game and start from the beginning.
“It has to be perfect.”
I think exes who break up with you and then move away have a bit of this perfectionist in them and it’s easier for them to compartmentalize by simply hitting the reset button.
This is an extremely rare occurrence so I’ve only seen a handful of situations in my decade plus of working in this field.
But if you do happen to be in this situation.
You probably have an ex who is physically moving away from you to get over you for good.
Sign #11: You And Your Ex Weren’t Together For Very Long
Not all relationships are created equally.
Never has this been a more factual statement than when looking at the length of time you’ve been together with your ex.
Let me ask you a question.
Which relationship will leave a bigger impression?
One in which you dated your ex for a month?
One in which you dated your ex for five years?
I think we all know the answer to that question.
It’s a lot easier for an ex to get over you if they haven’t been dating you for very long.
Now, this begs a really interesting question.
At what point does a relationship become “more serious.”
In my opinion anything less than being together with an ex for 3 months and you find yourself in the red zone.
It will be a lot easier for an ex to get over you.
Sign #12: Your Ex Has A History Of Jumping From Relationship To Relationship
When looking at scenarios where your ex will get over you quickly none pop up more frequently on our radar than one in which you are the rebound.
Now, we’ve learned quite a few interesting things about rebound relationships over the years such as the fact that rebound relationships can actually help you get over the previous relationship you were in a bit faster.
Nevertheless, a rebound relationship by definition is one in which your ex is never getting serious about.
But what if you encounter an ex who just strings rebound relationships together.
Well, we have seen that these exes are usually highly avoidant and you don’t typically end up with them long term.
So, if you have an ex who has jumped from rebound relationship to rebound relationship it’s never a good sign.