By Chris Seiter

Updated on September 3rd, 2021

Today we’re going to look at the top signs that show you that your ex is over you for good.

Except instead of giving you a traditional list I figured I’d dive deep and look at the most common “real” behaviors I’ve taken note of since I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Here are the 12 signs that your ex is over you for good.

  1. Your Ex Ignores You For 66 Days
  2. Your Ex Has Been With Someone New For More Than 8 Months
  3. Your Ex Has Left Mutual Connections Behind
  4. Your Ex No Longer Feels The Need To Respond To You In A Timely Manner
  5. You Begin To Notice Your Conversations Lack Meaning
  6. Your Ex Stops Interacting With You On Social Media
  7. Your Ex Stops Flaunting Their Happiness All Over The Place
  8. Your Ex Blocks You And Hasn’t Unblocked You After Six Months
  9. Your Exes Words And Actions Align
  10. Your Ex Broke Up With You And Then Moved Away
  11. You And Your Ex Weren’t Together For Very Long
  12. Your Ex Has A History Of Jumping From Relationship To Relationship

Let’s dig in deeper and talk about each one of these signs in-depth.

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Sign #1: Ignoring You For 66 Days In A Row

Have you ever wondered how long it takes to make or break a habit?

A simple online search might tell you that it takes something like 21 days.

But more recent research has suggested that it actually takes more like 66 days to either form or break a habit.

In ‘Making Habits, Breaking Habits: Why We Do Things, Why We Don’t, and How to Make Any Change Stick‘, psychologist Jeremy Dean discusses a study at University College London. 96 people were asked to choose something they wanted to become a habit, e.g. drinking a glass of water every day after breakfast. For 84 days, they logged if they had done it or not, and also how automatic it felt. On average it took 66 days until a habit was formed, that is until the action became an impulse and they hardly had to think about it.

This means you have 66 days before your ex’s habit of communicating with you (or thinking about you) has been broken.

But even this number isn’t cut and dried. The study’s participants had varying rates of success depending on how hard the habit was to form. More difficult habits, for example doing 100 sit-ups a day, quite simply take longer to form.

So, the habit of not talking to someone who was important to them will be a hard one to break for an ex, even if they say they no longer love you.

Habits are very powerful.

You can use strategies to take advantage of this difficulty in breaking a habit – like the No Contact Rule (contradictory though that may seem!) and good use of social media.

If you ex is curious about you, and especially if he sees how you are making the most of your life without him, you are making that habit of not talking to you or thinking about you harder to cement.

If you’re trying to build a habit like, say, taking a multivitamin with your breakfast, that’s probably going to be an easy one. But if you’re trying to break the habit of contact with an ex, someone you used to speak to and see often, that’s going to be harder.

All the emotions involved and all the other habits you maybe shared (FaceTime calls every Wednesday, date nights, pizza on a Friday night, grocery shopping every week…), will make it even more difficult for your ex.

Typically speaking, if you’re not talking with your ex that’s pretty normal. Breakups are negative, and men especially will often react by pulling away hard, and not interacting with you is part of this. It’s easier for your ex, especially if they broke up with you.

Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, we usually recommend that people do a No Contact Rule and don’t talk to their ex on purpose for a certain length of time.

Ignoring them is going to help you. And initially, them ignoring you is also going to help (even though it hurts).

No Contact means they have a chance to get over the breakup.

The negative, painful feelings associated with the breakdown of your relationship will fade. It also makes them curious about why you aren’t reacting typically to the breakup, for example by being visibly upset and begging for them back.

It also gives you a chance to recover and improve your life.

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So how does this information about habits help you to tell if your ex is over you for good?

Well, if you attempt to reach out to them after No Contact and they ignore you for 66 days in a row, that’s not a good sign.

It means they have got out of the habit of talking to you. If they ignore you for 30, 35 days, anything up to the 66, that’s still within the range where it’s kind of okay.

After 66 days things don’t look so great. It will be harder (though not impossible) for you to regenerate that habit and get them wanting to talk to you again.

Sign #2: They Have Been With Someone For Longer Than 8 Months

A few months ago I did a video called Signs Your Ex Is Gone For Good.

In it I explored this idea of exes moving on to someone else, and how this can be your biggest fear when you break up.

One thing I was looking at was when breakups typically tend to happen in rebound relationships, and in that video I concluded that

Between the month four and seven marks tend to be where rebound relationships begin to fail.

But it stands to reason that if a new relationship lasts for longer than 8 months, it’s beginning to get pretty serious and it’s not a good sign for them feeling any romantic feelings towards you. In other words, it’s a sign that he could potentially be over you for good.

Sign #3: Your Ex Has Left Mutual Connections Behind

So, he’s left your mutual connections behind.

First things first, what are mutual connections?

  • Mutual friends
  • Shared accounts

Basically it’s any type of “connection” that the two of you shared when you were together.

Now, there are a few exceptions to this rule, like truly meaningful friendships.

Let’s say your ex became besties with one of your friends and that relationship grew into something more meaningful to them than your entire relationship.

It’s unlikely that they are going to throw that one away.

But if he’s still hanging out with your weird cousin that you know he could hardly stand to be in the same room as, or perhaps he’s reaching out to your mother as if they were BFF’s when you know he thinks she sounds like an annoying chipmunk, then you know he’s pulling out all the stops he can to stay connected to you.

However, if he was doing all of these things and suddenly stopped, then it’s safe to assume that he’s trying to move forward with his life.

Sign #4: Your Ex No Longer Feels The Need To Respond To You In A Timely Manner

Imagine for a moment that after the breakup you and your ex have stayed in touch.

Yet the conversations seem to lack that meaning that defined your relationship in the first place.

Worst of all your ex is super spotty on when they respond.

You get the feeling that they are simply replying to you “to be nice.”

Generally speaking when someone is interested in a conversation with you there is a certain give and take.

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You text them and they almost immediately respond.

Maybe that happens at first when you talk to your ex but eventually they either end the conversation by not responding or by responding five hours later with a one word text message.

These are signs that your ex isn’t interested in having a conversation with you and depending on how far removed you are from the breakup they could be responding “just to be nice.”

Sign #5: You Begin To Notice Conversations Lack Meaning

The truth is that sign #4 and sign #5 are sort of connected.

Like cause and effect.

Generally if your ex isn’t responding to you in a timely manner that usually means whatever conversations you had in the past lacked meaning.

So, what’s the difference between a conversation with an ex that has meaning compared to one that doesn’t have meaning.

  • Conversation With Meaning: Talking about something your ex is super passionate about.
  • Conversations Without Meaning: Talking about the weather.

If you are noticing that almost all of your conversations with your ex lack meaning and are only touching on “surface level” topics then it could be a sign your ex isn’t really interested in talking to you at all but is simply “being nice.”

Sign #6: Your Ex Stops Interacting With You On Social Media

With the advent of Instagram the dating gods gifted us with the ability to see if our exes are spying on us.


Instagram Stories!

Basically, whenever you post an Instagram story you are shown exactly who has watched it.

It’s a pretty nifty tool you can use to tell if your ex is still spying on you post breakup.

We know from some pretty interesting research that there’s a close to 90% chance (source) your ex will be stalking you via social media.

Instagram just gave us the ability to confirm that.

But this post is all about signs your ex is over you.

So, what happens when an ex who was,

  • Watching your instagram stories
  • Liking your Facebook Photos
  • Commenting On Your Posts

Suddenly stops?

Usually it’s not a good sign.

We’ve already established that if your ex wanted to they could theoretically get over you in 66 days.

Part of “them getting over you” would include a stoppage of addictive behavior like spying on you constantly.

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So, if you notice this sudden stoppage in this type of behavior it could be a sign that they are taking a step towards getting over you.

Now, I do feel it’s important to mention that if your ex isn’t on social media and has never been one for it this sign may not apply to your situation.

Sign #7: Your Ex Stops Flaunting Their Happiness All Over The Place

So, what does this look like exactly?

Have you ever heard of the concept of “winning the breakup.”

Generally speaking when someone talks about this they are usually talking about the concept that they want to be the one that is having success post breakup.

This tends to be where exes overcorrect.

They post things on social media that are indirect jibes at you.

“Oh, look how happy I am without you.”

Once you are over something, you don’t feel the need to prove anything to anyone.

So, you stop feeling the need to Instagram that delicious lunch you had, the fact that you had three dates this week, or that you have dropped 13 pounds since the breakup.

So, the absence of happy posts, or really posts at all, can be a sign that your ex doesn’t feel the need to flaunt their life in your face.

Sign #8: Your Ex Blocks You And Hasn’t Unblocked You In Six Months

I’ve written a lot about what to do when you’ve been blocked on this website.

I’ve written a lot about the difference between soft blocks and hard blocks.

  • Soft Block = You are blocked but not everywhere
  • Hard Block = You are blocked everywhere

Perhaps one of the most interesting findings we’ve had in our coaching practice is the fact that most exes will unblock you if you simply remain calm throughout the process.

Close to 70% in fact.

But what happens if you are in a “hard block” and your ex hasn’t unblocked you after six months.

This is obviously not a good sign.

If I am being brutally honest and put myself in your exes shoes the only time I would block someone and keep them blocked for more than six months is if I am interested in getting over this person for good.

I actually have personal experience in this realm.

To this day I have my very first ex girlfriend blocked on my Facebook account.


Well, I was an immature kid when the breakup went down almost 15 years ago BUT after a few months I decided to block her because I found I got into the unhealthy habit of constantly spying on what she was up to.

So, I blocked her.

I did unblock her every once in a while to spy (because I lacked discipline and self control) but I always ended up blocking her again for my own sanity and after about 6 months I had moved on emotionally.

Sign #9: Their Words And Actions Align

I’m a big believer in words and actions aligning. So if someone says, “I’m over you,” or, “I don’t love you any more,” or “It’s not you, it’s me,” that doesn’t really mean much to me, especially when you’re looking at the clients I work with.

What’s more important is actions.

What someone does is far more important than what they say.

I can’t tell you how many women I’ve helped get back with their ex-boyfriends who’ve literally had their exes say, “I don’t love you any more, “This isn’t for me,” “You need to move on,” only to have them come back a few months later saying, “I didn’t really mean that…”

What matters most are a person’s actions. So if you have an ex who has said any of those things, if their actions align with that over the course of 66 to 90 days, that’s usually not a great sign for you.

But if your ex says they never want to see you again, then they’re creeping on your social media, that’s their actions not aligning with their words.

If they say they’re over you but they watch your every move when you happen to be in the same bar or party, that’s actions and words not matching up.

They are still orbiting around you, and their actions tend to tell the story of what they’re really thinking.

Note that it can definitely take longer than a couple of months to get an ex back. In fact, we find that at the absolute best, clients can see results within three months at minimum. That’s 90 days, and that’s if things are going well. Sometimes it can take a year or more to see results, and you have to be doing the right things.

So keep that in mind.

If you still think you have a chance, the best and fastest way to find the answer to that questions is to take that super simple and fast quiz here on the site.

And if there’s anything you want adding to this article, please let me know in the comments below. I love interacting with you all, and I try to personally answer as many questions as I possibly can.

Sign #10: Your Ex Broke Up With You And Then Moved Away

So, what does this look like?

A lot of people misunderstand this and think I’m talking about long distance relationships.

That is not what this is.

This is when you encounter a situation where your ex breaks up with you and then immediately afterwards moves completely across the country to get away.

They don’t do this for work.

They do this “just because.”

For whatever reason we have not seen a lot of successes in this particular scenario.


Well, that’s something I’ve been puzzling over for years.

A part of me wants to blame it on “fearful avoidant” tendencies made real but I’m not quite sure that’s it.

The best hypothesis that I’ve ever been able to come up with is that an ex who does this to you is trying to start over completely in every aspect of their life.

When I was 15 or 16 years old I used to play this baseball video game where you could “create a team.”

I would sink hours into it trying to have a perfect season and many times I would get close but something inevitably would always go wrong.

Instead of trying again I would reset the entire game and start from the beginning.

“It has to be perfect.”

I think exes who break up with you and then move away have a bit of this perfectionist in them and it’s easier for them to compartmentalize by simply hitting the reset button.

This is an extremely rare occurrence so I’ve only seen a handful of situations in my decade plus of working in this field.

But if you do happen to be in this situation.

You probably have an ex who is physically moving away from you to get over you for good.

Sign #11: You And Your Ex Weren’t Together For Very Long

Not all relationships are created equally.

Never has this been a more factual statement than when looking at the length of time you’ve been together with your ex.

Let me ask you a question.

Which relationship will leave a bigger impression?

One in which you dated your ex for a month?


One in which you dated your ex for five years?

I think we all know the answer to that question.

It’s a lot easier for an ex to get over you if they haven’t been dating you for very long.

Now, this begs a really interesting question.

At what point does a relationship become “more serious.”

In my opinion anything less than being together with an ex for 3 months and you find yourself in the red zone.

It will be a lot easier for an ex to get over you.

Sign #12: Your Ex Has A History Of Jumping From Relationship To Relationship

When looking at scenarios where your ex will get over you quickly none pop up more frequently on our radar than one in which you are the rebound.

Now, we’ve learned quite a few interesting things about rebound relationships over the years such as the fact that rebound relationships can actually help you get over the previous relationship you were in a bit faster.

Nevertheless, a rebound relationship by definition is one in which your ex is never getting serious about.

But what if you encounter an ex who just strings rebound relationships together.

Well, we have seen that these exes are usually highly avoidant and you don’t typically end up with them long term.

So, if you have an ex who has jumped from rebound relationship to rebound relationship it’s never a good sign.

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58 thoughts on “Signs My Ex Is Over Me For Good”

  1. Jenn B

    September 16, 2021 at 3:44 am

    So my ex and I broke up around 1 or 2 months ago which we were together dating 2 years but friends with benefits for about 13 years. He and his were together on and off for almost 9 years. They weren’t together for about 2’or 3 years a toxic relationship my opinion. He went back to ex girlfriend secretly and I found out because he just stop talking to me that how he broke up with me. In my defense I was going through a depression and I felt like something was off with him. I feel like I was just the rebound relationship but can’t really can’t til if I was. To be honest I don’t know if I want him back. I have readed most your articles. I guess I’m looking for clarity if my ex truly cared about me or was just all a joke. Part of me wants him back and part of me just lost

  2. Sarah

    August 28, 2021 at 10:30 pm

    Hi my ex and split you last week. we have brough a house together, we have not lived in it together either, he lives there and I am in another house. I kept criticizing him and moaning to get things done around the house. I did go on a lot and I have now pushed him to the point he sees no future with me, I have not been myself and I have suffered a lot of loss. over the last year or soo. i become depressed and took things out on him. i gave apologized but he will give it another go. he is living in the house and he will not let me live there. he has been thinking about breaking up with me for a while and he did not take the decision lightly but he has had enough. i tried to suggest a couple of counseling he was up for it then didn’t want it. i said i would move in to our house and see how it goes he said no, i can not do that now. his head is telling him things will not get better and there is no point in trying. his a very stubborn man and does not get in to relationships easy. he started to resent. me for my nagging and helping me with my moods. he said he dreaded seeing me and i made him really unhappy. its been our first big issue within our 5 year relationship i helped him for 3 years with his issues with depression and loss of his brother, i have been bad for 8 months and we have been aruging a lot. is there. hhe never contacts me and when i started beggig him back he got angry. how likey is he to gives up another chances or is he gone for good

  3. Sara

    August 17, 2020 at 2:35 am

    Hi please help! My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago saying he “isn’t feeling it anymore”, “he realized overnight that his feelings were gone”, “he is 100% done this time.” This is the 2nd break up, he broke up with me 4 months ago because he lost feelings then but agreed to try again and work on our issues but he said he told himself if this every happened again where he lost feelings he would never come back to me. The next day I went to pick up my purse I left in his car and he would not talk to me he was very cold and when I tried to ask questions about the breakup he said “I didn’t come here to talk” and walked off. I got mad and sent him a text saying how hurtful he was to me and how he could do something like that and he replied with a goodbye text saying his feelings have changed there is nothing more to say and he wished me well and didn’t reply anymore. I did no contact for 2 weeks and just this weekend we got back in contact and we had a chat and he reiterated he was done with me and completely over me and has no feelings at all and said sorry about causing me pain. He also admitted to being on Tinder and that he had a few chances to meet up with girls and sleep with them but didn’t because he “was too lazy” but he said he still found me attractive which led to us sleeping together and now he wants to be friends but also friends with benefits. The next day he didn’t text me at all. I really love him and want him back. I know he is sleeping around just 3 weeks after our breakup and even said he wants a new girlfriend for something serious so it seems like he really is over me as he has said the breakup isn’t affecting him and he barely thinks of me.

  4. Juls

    July 18, 2020 at 12:05 am

    We are in LDR. My ex and I were done last week. He said he hated me and never want to see me again.
    I started NC but 3 days later, he texted and DM again on social media, telling me that he couldn’t post my stuff that was left at his place. He’s been busy and needs more time.
    I read his message and never respond.
    Next day, he DM again and asked why am I not responding.
    I’m not sure if i broke my NC rule but I decided to reply him that I’ll organize a courier to pick things up and will inform him.
    Do i have to start over my NC?
    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 18, 2020 at 12:31 am

      Hey Juls if you ONLY discussed teh courier then no you do not have to restart, but if your conversation led to any other topics then yes you go back to day one

  5. Bailey

    July 4, 2020 at 2:51 pm

    My ex just ended it over coffee. I woke up before him and went to our kitchen to make coffee and he gets mad that I didn’t tell him I woke up. He said it made him feel less wanted that I would leave our bed. He left me that day, he said I don’t know how to love him and I don’t give him what he needs when he needs it. When he is mad at me he wants me to chase him, and when he’s mad I want to understand when he just wants me to be all over him. He said he wont care if I move on, he took all of his stuff. He said he wont contact me. He is hurt and I don’t know if No Contact works with this too? Does no contact work when a person likes to feel wanted and feel loved? I don’t want to contact him and let him think he can keep trying to leave over stuff that makes no sense, but I also don’t want him to hate me like his face said it did yesterday. Do I keep trying to contact someone who doesn’t feel wanted or let him cool down and do no contact so he can see I wont beg like I did when he was leaving.

  6. Sher

    May 22, 2020 at 9:13 am

    hi! He Kept telling me he couldn’t commit. So he ended up having to dump me coz I was texting him every few days for a chat, even though he was always responsive to my texts. He kept texting me.. I’m So sorry to put you through this, take care. He was very heartfelt. I understood and I was silent for 5 days. Then I txted him ‘there is a reason why the Universe has bought us back together again’ , he lashed out at me and gave me the full Block. I realise I’ve been needy. It seems like he really hates me. Please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 1, 2020 at 10:44 am

      Hi Sher, I don’t think your ex hates you I think hes just annoyed that you keep reaching out to him! I suggest that you follow the rules of No Contact and work on yourself in that time where you learn about emotional control and the Holy Trinity.

  7. Harry

    April 29, 2020 at 3:51 pm

    Hello , my ex started seeing someone , and I went no Contact and she contacted me after 3 days to ask how I am and she never did this in 3 years together ! I was confused , and I got jealous on Saturday night she was with her new man , and I kept calling and calling and lost my mind , she told me her new man didn’t know she was in contact with me now she’s blocked me , I feel terrible I tried saying sorry, I tried calling after we didn’t speak after 3 days but she did not seem interested ? Any advise what to do ? I’m blocked on everything now! She did say she was confused but I don’t think she ever contact me again
    And I feel bad because I’ve always been cool and never been this worried or insecure can you help any advise

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 6, 2020 at 7:46 pm

      Hi Harry, you need to allow your ex some space. How long has it been since you broke up? If you have not done so yet you need to follow a 45 day NC period where you do not reach out or reply to her at all. And then you would reach out in a platform that you are not blocked on going forward.

  8. Tina

    April 4, 2020 at 6:26 am

    I am wondering: if there is a case where my ex has actually moved on with his life some months or however long it takes after the breakup. He is over me. Maybe he even feels and acts indifferent. Does that mean there is absolutely no chance of ever getting back together?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 4, 2020 at 8:40 pm

      Hi Tina, it gets difficult to get our ex back when they start to move on, but it is not impossible It is about how you reconnect, how you have changed positively, how many positive memories he has of you and the relationship you shared. It is just about if you are going to be willing to put in the work and patience that it takes to work up the value ladder if he is not interested in talking to you for a little while

  9. Richard

    April 4, 2020 at 5:31 am

    Me and my girl broke up 1 month ago. It was a on and off relationship for 3 years. I love her and I want her back but when we are around each other she’s all lovey dovey. When I’m not with her she acts like she doesn’t care don’t open my Snapchats when she’s obviously on the app. Ignores my text…..but kisses me on my lips and hugs me like we are one. I need advice if she has moved on but doesn’t want to tell me. Or does she wanna work things out.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 4, 2020 at 8:42 pm

      Hi Richard, I would say that she is playing games and if you have not done so yet you need to go into a No Contact and appear to be moving on to make her realise she could lose you and this will either make her admit she wants to get back together or end things for good. On and off relationships keep breaking up for a reason so you need to look as to why you keep ending things

  10. Eilen

    February 27, 2020 at 1:30 pm

    My ex told me yesterday he was indiferent from me. We broke up in December.
    And from January to the beginning of February, we keep seeing each other. Back then he said he loves me but because of what happened in our relationship he can’t come back into one with me. He felt like there was a “block”, pushing him away sometimes.
    We used to fight a lot bc he cheated on me and I never forgave him really : I didn’t trust him.
    So that’s why we broke up, because of all the fight.

    Two weeks ago, he told me he loved me and spent two days with me.
    Last week, he wished me a happy Valentine’s Day.
    But yesterday when I saw him after two weeks and a week with no contact, he told me he was indifferent.
    He stills love me, but he has no envy to come back in any form of relationship. That he was living a happy life and felt like he’ll be single for years.
    He told me to move on from him and to not wait anymore …

    I’m afraid I lose him forever and I don’t know what to do …

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 27, 2020 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Eilen, have you completed a full no contact yet? Of 30 days? By the sounds of things your ex doesn’t seem worried about losing you – because he knows he can have you back if he wants you. Stop speaking with him for 30 days. COMPLETE SILENCE do not answer calls or texts and do not react to anything on social media. IF he is indifferent to being with you then he is not going to be bothered. But I feel that after a few days of silence form you he is going to start getting upset

  11. Jenn

    February 19, 2020 at 10:44 pm

    my ex and i broke up 2 weeks ago and he was really decided that he doesnt want to be with me anymore. i was so confused because days before our breakup we were good. he said that our situation is hard because of long distance, he wanted to feel free again and do things without any responsibilities or thinking of me as a girlfriend. but he created an account to check my ig which i have him blocked. is there a chance he’ll come back? its just been a week since i started the NC thingy. bc at our breakup i begged and pleaded. i still love him is there anything i can do to get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 20, 2020 at 10:56 pm

      Hi Jenn, so unblocking him is going to be one step to getting him back, he needs to be able to see what you are doing without him in your life. Leave him on the outside looking in. Work the Ungettable work that is mentioned on this website. Complete of 30 days of No Contact and reach out to your ex with a text that Chris suggests

  12. Kal

    February 16, 2020 at 12:27 am

    I was in a same-sex relationship. My ex moved out in Nov. 2018. (We were together 3.5 years.) He gave vague reasons to myself and our mutual friends: “It’s not bad, it’s not bad …,” he said to a mutual friend. To me he said it was “the entire living situation.” I have a tenant whom we both dislike immensely. And recently, my ex said, “That house is not big enough for 3 people.” (He’s right.) I’ve asked him several times to promise that he would keep an open mind/heart about getting back together later under better circumstances. He had said it would have to be “under different circumstances,” but thinks it’s “unlikely.”

    He still receives mail here, and some of his things are still at my house: his treadmill, his futon-bed, bike, a wall clock with his family name, various and sundry items–and his cat. (He left another cat with a previous ex, and they never got back together, but he said they were “bad for each other.”) He left his streaming service active, and I still have one of his credit cards, which I sometimes, though rarely, use to buy cat food and litter. 

    The day before Valentine’s Day, he came over after work to pick up his mail. I gave him his Christmas and V-Day gifts (very expensive gifts), and he was shocked. At first he wouldn’t accept them, but I told him I couldn’t return the items, so he accepted them reluctantly. He said he felt conflicted because “we aren’t a couple anymore.” Then he said let’s go out for a couple drinks. Over drinks he reitterated that it is unlikely we will get back together, I should probably move on, I could do better, take care of myself, be selfish, and my ‘favorites’: the stars would have to align, and he would have to hit bottom and have no other alternative/last resort/lose hope, etc. … But he never said no or closed the door. (Some friends think he’s just sparing my feelings.)

    I have minimal contact with him via text or calling. (Though I think about him constantly and have trouble sleeping and miss him terribly.) In the beginning, I texted him a few times to tell him how much. While I was in San Diego visiting a friend in Nov., I texted that I missed him, and he texted back, “Honestly, same.”

    He has typically been the one to initiate contact. He texted me a happy birthday in Dec. and said he hoped all was well. When he texts, it’s usually to inquire about mail or packages he’s received at my house. Sometimes it seems as if he’s looking for an excuse to chat. He’s actually asked me to let him whenever he gets official looking mail. His father died recently, and he flew back home to be with his mother last month, and while he was away, he tried calling me twice at 3 a.m. (that’s his old behavior–calling multiple times and at odd hours). Generally though, he has been silent; uncommunicative.

    He had previously suggested when he moved out that we change the “nature” of our relationship and be friends. Coming home after drinks the other day, I was weeping and sobbing, and he said he hated being the one making me sad, and that he wasn’t sure we could be friends. But his last words when he left were “Let’s talk again,” and he reitterated that he will not shut me out.

    I texted him the next day and asked if it wasn’t the best gift he’s ever received and suggested we work on being friends. He texted back, “Truly it is” (the best gift he’s ever received). Since then, I have initiated the No Contact Rule for the first time. But today he texted asking if he’d left a box of books here or possibly with his old roommate. (I’m not sure if I should respond.) Again, he typically initiates contact. I had my hair colored on Valentine’s Day (self-care–it didn’t help), but something my hairstylist said did cheer me up: she thinks it was a great idea to give him the gift before going silent, and that it will give him something to think about.

    Since he’s moved out, is it really hopeless??? Should I give up? I am evicting the tenant, and I am buying a new house in a few months hopefully, which I also hope will entice my ex to come back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 16, 2020 at 9:07 am

      Hey Kal so no it isnt hopeless but first before reaching out you need to make the changes that is going to help it work the second time around. I would make sure all these things have changed, and you work on yourself for the time being and then reach out to your ex via text just for conversation and catch up. Do not mention about getting back together, do not ask to meet up. Just have texting conversations with your ex while all the busy stages is going on. You can tell him you are moving house, you can tell him the tenant has moved out etc. But do not ask for that meet up until you are in the new house. This will give you enough time to work on yourself to become Ungettable, remove the negative mind set your ex has about the situation you are currently in. Read the texting articles and watch the videos Chris has done about the types of texts you need to send to your ex.

  13. Emily

    January 17, 2020 at 8:57 pm

    My ex and I broke up almost 3 months ago. He said he didn’t love me anymore and didn’t see a future with me and needed to find himself. He said he still wanted to be friends we kept texting everyday and I went over a week later to get my stuff back. We did shots to all our good memories and tried to keep it light hearted but we both started crying. We kissed goodbye and went our separate ways.

    We decided to still talk everyday and it was quite hot and cold and then feelings started getting hurt on my side. We had one big argument and we stopped talking for 2 weeks. I had broken the no contact by FaceTiming him so drunk and he was hammered too and we just were both chatting nonsense and it got a little “hot” but I hung up during it when I realised what we were doing. We never mentioned it the next day and we kinda went back to texting.

    Come New Years I told him I’m deleting him off everything because I didn’t feel he apologised for hurting me. He replied asking me not to delete him and that he doesn’t want me out of his life for good. Then he apologised to me again. I thanked him but come New Years I blocked him off all social media.

    5 days later we “matched” on tinder and he sent me a message saying he never got the chance to say happy new year and wished me well… I never replied.

    Then something told me to call him we hadn’t spoken for another 13 days at this point And I used our typical “just wanted to see if you sent my stuff back” to initiate the conversation. THIS time he said he will do it for me today…. considering we have been avoiding handing over the last of my stuff this took me by surprise. He tells me he is moving country for work for a few months and then maybe going travelling after. I ask to say goodbye in person and he does.

    We meet and we keep it light but he seems super guarded and tense: we did have a few laughs together and there was only one moment where he looked genuinely sad but then that passed and it was just indifference. We went around shopping for his trip and I asked him to come for a drink and he said no. So I hugged him goodbye and I was the only one getting a little anxious! He would hardly make eye contact with me during the whole time I was with him as well though.

    I texted him to say it was lovely to see him and he said it was lovely to see me too. I asked him could we stay in touch and he said yes. His texts were now becoming more blunt and short. I now get so drunk and I end up asking him if he’s just saying this to make me happy or does he really mean it and this is what he said

    “(My name), this is all too much and I can’t handle it right now. I don’t know what the future holds, I know I enjoy your company so can we just figure it out as it goes on when I’m back in a few months”

    I replied back drunkly that it was cool and sorry for the pressure and random stuff.

    What does this mean? Is this the end end? Do I stop talking to him Now? Is this him deciding whether he will ever talk to me again or whether he will reconsider things when he is home?

    We didn’t do anything wrong to each other. We were together 9 months but it was very intense due to external and personal reasons. But we loved each other. We really needed a break anyway.

    But what can I do??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 6:46 pm

      Hi Emily, so I would suggest that you spend some time doing No Contact, where you do not reach out to him at all and leave him alone. Let him have the space and time to himself if you feel you can not control yourself during times you are drunk then delete him off your phone so that you can not contact him. Give the number to someone you trust. While he is travelling for a few months you can do the texting phase but you know you are limited to meeting stage until he comes back. Think of this as the opportunity to show him what he has lost and work on becoming the ungettable girl so when he is home hes going to be blown away by how much you have grown and matured, how you are socially and in your career. Give this article a read

  14. Mel

    December 22, 2019 at 7:17 pm

    Hey there – So my situation does not pertain to an ex, but it’s an interesting situation so I’m curious what your thoughts are. I was texting back and forth with a guy I meant from an app. He came to the city for a weekend when we matched, but we didn’t get to meet. He decides he’s going to buy a plane ticket to see me a week later. We meet up, he books us a hotel room. We sleep together 4 times and on our second night together, we make plans for drinks. I leave the hotel with only some of my belongings so I can change, thinking I’ll grab my stuff later when we meet up later that night. Hours pass, I text him asking if he’s back at the hotel, and nothing. Another few hours pass and I text him asking if he can at least let the front desk I’m coming because I’d really like to grab my things. I wait another long while and get no response. I go to the hotel, tell the concierge the situation, grab a key, knock twice and finally go in the room. The guy has been sleeping this whole time, says wtf, and asks how I got in there. I explain to him that I texted him, thought we had plans, was sorry, but that I just needed to grab my things. He treats me coldly, barely says goodbye to me, and leaves the next day. I text him and tell him that I was sorry and didn’t mean to startle him but I cried on my way home because I felt disposed of after I thought we had a nice time. He tells me that he was on the fence about hanging out another night and was bothered that I came to the room. He tells me he wasn’t feeling the vibe and didn’t want to see me again. I explained where I was coming from and he tells me that this is way too much to tell someone after we hung out once, and that he’s not interested in hanging out again. I’ve been feeling horrible since then. I’m certainly not happy with how he treated me and think I did right by myself by grabbing my belongings when he slept and had no respect for me or my time. That being said, I have to admit that I still like this guy…Do I have a shot in hell of rekindling any sort of interest from his end even if it’s just sexual..? If so, how would I go about it? I’ve already read most of the articles on the site, so maybe an answer specifically tailored to my odd situation might help. Thank you so much.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2019 at 7:24 pm

      Hi Mel, so from what you’ve told me it sounds like you came on too strong for his side of things. Especially getting a room key before he replied to you. It could possibly that he was looking for a hook up. If you want to re attract this guy then you need to do a no contact and learn how to control your emotional reactions and impulsive thoughts / reactions. Men like chasing a woman so remember that if he does get in touch again

  15. Anonymous

    December 11, 2019 at 11:21 pm

    My ex and I were together for about a year.. we had a great relationship.. he was respectful and loved my kids, always made me laugh.. he broke up with me the first week in October with no clear reason other than I was possessive at times and we both jumped in to our relationship. He had never had a routine like ours before like work, dinner, kids etc.. I found out about 2 weeks after we broke up he started dating a girl he knew from high school. She’s complete opposite of me down to looks. I tried no contact and lasted 3 weeks. I tried calling him and texting him and nothing!! Before if I called he would answer.. I know I’m not blocked.. he called my best friend last week to ask me if she could get some personal items he left at my house.. I didn’t think we had any hostility between us.. I do still text his mom occasionally and she’ll do the same and share things on Facebook.. he doesn’t not have social media other than Instagram and we are not friends.. I miss him terribly.. he once talked about us getting married.. when he broke up with me he said he didn’t know if it was the right choice.. I’ve tried to get over him.. I meditate, journal, and when I do talk to another guy I feel as if I’m cheating on him.. my heart is crushed..

  16. Victoria

    November 18, 2019 at 4:05 am

    Hi. I have a situation that just happend to me that is driving me insane. My ex and I had been together for 16 years and have 2 children. I noticed about 3 weeks ago he became very distant. He started dressing up more than usual, going to work earlier, talking and texting a lot more which he hated to do. He is a truck driver of 4 months currently but was home every night. Things were going great he finally had a great paying job and our family was growing closer. He came to me on a Monday after I had worked a 16 hour shift I had showered, done my hair, put make up on and looked nice. He started off by asking me to breakfast. So I went. Then he told me that he wasnt doing this because he was seeking nor did he have anyone else he was just mentally exhausted. He said that I was absolutely beautiful and I didnt give myself enough credit, he said my sex was amazing. He also said that if I needed any help at all not to hesitate to ask. But then a week later I told him I didnt want him to continue staying in my home because I would still want to engage in sex and that would just hurt me in the long run. So he went and got a hotel room closer to his job. Then I notice on social media he posts that he is in a realationship with a girl. Something my man never did. he always told me that your personally life isnt something you put on social media. He told me that he loves me and he always will because I’m the mother of his children. He continues to pay insurance on all of our vehicles, he pays the internet and cable for the kids. He has stopped texting me only if due to kids. I am just so confused. Is he on a rebound? Have I lost him forever !? I have been devastated! This is the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He has told me that he just wants to be happy and he thinks he may have found that. they have been dating a month. He has already introduced our children to her. Brought her to my home after i asked him not to. He spoke to his mom recently and was complaining about not havi my money, living in a hotel, missing his kids but yet acts like their just enjoying life on Facebook. He has even posted he loved her on there!? How can you love someone that soon!?

    I just need everyone’s input plz!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 12:19 pm

      Hi Victoria, so the overcompensating online is just for show so know this. What he has told his mother is more likely true as that is someone he trusts. The “Love” he feels for the new girlfriend is just the newness of the relationship and that does wear off, its called the honeymoon phase. During which time you need to be working on yourself so that he sees positive changes you are making to yours and the kids life. Post about family time and the things he is going to be missing out on because he is with her.

      Now financially, when my partner and I broke up I made sure that I stood on my own two feet and he paid me maintenance from his wages rather than paid any bills, I didnt want him to feel like I needed him for anythign and this upset his more than being short for cash. He said when I did that he got scared that I was going to move on and he was going to lose me and his family. So working on this independent side of things is where husbands will feel the fear of loss more so because they get used to providing for us. So this is something I would suggest working towards too. Dont struggle, but build yourself up to be stronger and not dependent on him for anything.

  17. Anon

    November 3, 2019 at 4:52 am

    So about 5 days ago I broke up with my boyfriend because I wasn’t happy with some things in the relationship. The big deal breaker was that me and him had been dating fro almost a year and we had no plans for the future and it seemed like all he cared about was himself. His future that he spoke about only involved him. I’m moving in the next two years so this was a big deal to me. Also he was very angry and rude to me each time that I was emotional or upset with him and treated me with no respect when it came to that. The rest of the relationship was good. Our good times were sooo good but we did clash a lot. Mainly because I’m emotional and he’s no good at dealing with that. I told him that I couldn’t continue the relationship if he couldn’t change those two things and he said he couldn’t. I deleted all my social media after I saw that he deleted photos of us straight after and started following all these girls that I didn’t like and he also unfollowed me. I’m a few days in the no contact rule but I feel like those actions he did right away on social media means that I shouldn’t have my hopes up of him coming back and changing.I know he still loves me but whats your opinion, is he ready to move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 3:12 pm

      Hey, so the fact his future talk was only about himself is 100% valid to uspet you as he is showing you his mental thoughts. So you need to go into a No Contact properly for 30 days and stick to it. And then work on becoming Ungettable. You can find all this information on the website to help you come up with a plan. Your social media is your tool to show this new version of yourself where you post only positive and exciting things that you have been doing since you left him.

  18. Nemo

    November 1, 2019 at 5:24 pm


    I had a long time girlfriend. We’d been together for 8 years. We have 2 kids already. We broke up 2 years ago. She just leave me for no reason. She said, she dont love me anymore and she needs space. I was so shocked and feeling cold at first. I was so denialed. I dont know what to do. I asked and beg her back but didnt worked out. Later I found out that she has another woman (I think she’s a lesbian). I was so depressed. Its been a year and half before I totally moved on.

    Now, I have a new girlfriend. My kids told her. What my ex did was added my gf’s facebook using my kids account. My gf accepted it. My ex posted something annoying with my gf’s timeline.

    My question is, why my ex did that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 2, 2019 at 10:17 pm

      Hi Nemo, it is almost jealous behavior and childish too. But you need to reassure your new girlfriend and then ignore your ex and all her attempts to get a reaction.

  19. Cindy

    October 31, 2019 at 3:22 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex broke up with me just over a month ago because we had an argument. Before we broke up he said he needed space but I insist we need to have regular communication because it’s a long distance relationship.

    I have done the NC rule and he only reached out once during early phase of NC. Once NC ended, I reached out to him with a memory text and he instantly responded with several texts. These few days he has been proactive messaging me, saying he misses me, checking on my current relationship status, accidentally called me baby and said he loves me.

    I took the opportunity today to try and dissect what went wrong as I am not keen to get back together unless there is a good reason/we talk it through. I asked how come he never reached out given that he misses and loves me. He said that he wants the best for me and that indeed he misses and loves me but we cannot be together and that I should give other guys a chance. He says we can be good friends. He still genuinely cares for me and he asks of me a lot (lot more than when we were together). I feel that he is suppressing his emotion and I don’t know why. How can I get him to open up? Or does this mean he is over me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 12:26 am

      Hi Cindy, so you need to think of this situation as you are lower on the “trust” level at the moment, where you are going to have to work your way up that ladder so that you are the person he goes to and opens up to. He is not going to do that straight after a No Contact. So if you want him back avoid emotional conversations like this. And just start focusing on building your attraction again.

  20. Patricia Burts

    October 31, 2019 at 9:00 am

    Hi, so my ex broke up with me 2 years ago but we’ve been in contact off and on since then. He moved to Texas this past June (I still live in Louisiana) and talked about how I should move on. So I didn’t contact him for about 2 weeks and all of a sudden I get that Hey Stranger text. He says that he was checking on me since he hasn’t heard from me. Around mid-July he asks if I would move to San Antonio with him in January and since I still love him I said yes. But then changes his mind because he thinks that breaking my lease with my apartment will ruin my credit (which I dont think is true). Fast forward to now. We saw each earlier this month and a few days later he becomes distant. Proceeds to tell me that he’s not ignoring me and that he just has alot going on he needs to focus on. Last week he was trying to come see me to have sex and then other day he wanted to come see me. Come to find out he wanted to tell me he has a new gf. I am completely shocked by this. If I try this program do you think I have a chance of winning my ex back? They haven’t been together long, they just made their relationship official two days ago.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 31, 2019 at 10:53 pm

      Hey Patricia, so you can do the being there method but you need to go into a NC of 45 days first, this gives him time to get out of the “new honeymoon phase” that he will be in with the new girlfriend. In the mean time you need to work your butt off to become the Ungettable girl and the best way to do that is read some articles about it, and also look up the being there method. Chris has so many articles and youtube videos about these two topics so there is plenty of information to help you. There is a chance of getting him back but first you need to spend your 45 days working on yourself so that you know you are the best thing he lost

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