Today we’re going to look at the six signs that show you that your ex is over you for good.

Except instead of giving you a traditional list I figured I’d dive deep and look at the most common “real” behaviors I’ve taken note of since I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

In all there are six that really stood out.

  1. Permanent Behavior Changes
  2. Your Ex Ignoring You For 66 Days
  3. They’ve Been With Someone New For More Than Eight Months
  4. Your Ex Takes All Of Their Things Back
  5. Shallow Conversation
  6. Their Words And Actions Align

Without further ado let’s get to those six signs that your ex is over you for good…

Sign Number 1: Permanent Behavior Changes


 

What I tend to find is that when people go through breakups there are quite a few behavioral changes. For example, where you and your ex were talking every day, you’re not talking any more. Maybe they used to like all your Facebook photos, posts and check-ins, but all of a sudden they’re no longer doing it.

As you get some distance through the break-up you kind of notice a pendulum swing when it comes to changes. One minute they’ll be liking your Facebook photos, the next minute they won’t, because of the breakup. Then as time goes by, you might notice the pendulum swing back again – them checking out your stories on social media is the most common example. They might even start liking things again.

What you need to look out for with exes who are over you for good are permanent behavioral changes. In other words, if you used to post and they used to like them, and they have never liked a photo ever again after the breakup, this is not a good sign.

But relying on something as simplistic as likes on social media won’t give you the whole story.

You need to look at their behavior in general.

So think about often your ex used to talk to you, how they typically used Facebook, how they used to communicate with your friends, and how they communicate with you if you still see them (e.g. at work).

If you start to notice that their behavior changes after the breakup seem to be sticking, meaning they do not go back to the way they used to do things, this is not a good sign.

Negative behavioral changes are a result of the breakup and are bound to happen, but can still be very upsetting.

Remember that this is an emotional reaction (whether the behavior is positive, negative or neutral towards you).

If he dumps all your clothes outside your house in the rain and doesn’t even let you know he’s done it – this is an emotional reaction, however cold and unfeeling it may seem to you. If he wasn’t really bothered either way, he’d probably be a bit more reasonable about this exchange of items. (And if not…is he really a good enough person for you?)

Similarly, if he ignores your requests to get your stuff back, it’s an emotional reaction. He cares enough, or is still annoyed enough, to withhold things from you that you are entitled to ask for.

If he’s not being all that reasonable…there’s a reason.

If he contacts you and tells you you are being really childish because you won’t speak to him (if you are in a No Contact Rule period), this is more obviously an emotional reaction.

But if you are in No Contact and he completely ignores you, don’t assume there are no feelings there and that he doesn’t care at all.

Until the new behavior lasts past your No Contact Rule period and continues into the texting, phone calls and meet-up stages, he may still be holding on to feelings about you and be missing you.

If you’re not sure what I’m talking about with the No Contact Rule and the other phases, it’s all detailed in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro package, and I talk lots more about all these things on YouTube and here in the articles section of the website.

Now, it’s worth saying that even a subtle change in behavior back to how things used to be is a positive thing.

Watching your stories on Instagram or Facebook is a typical one, as I mentioned. He might like someone else’s photo which you feature in, or he might be ‘Interested’ in an event you have clicked on too. He might ‘turn up’ where you often are or just happen to bump into you. Someone might tell you that he talked about you to them.

These are signs that he’s curious at least, and are normal in circumstances where your ex is holding on to some lingering feelings.

If you’re in a situation where they’re not doing that, it’s not a good sign.

Sign Number 2: Ignoring You For 66 Days In A Row

Have you ever wondered how long it takes to make or break a habit? A simple online search might tell you that it takes something like 21 days.

But more recent research has suggested that it actually takes more like 66 days to either form or break a habit.

In ‘Making Habits, Breaking Habits: Why We Do Things, Why We Don’t, and How to Make Any Change Stick’, psychologist Jeremy Dean discusses a study at University College London. 96 people were asked to choose something they wanted to become a habit, e.g. drinking a glass of water every day after breakfast. For 84 days, they logged if they had done it or not, and also how automatic it felt.

On average it took 66 days until a habit was formed, that is until the action became an impulse and they hardly had to think about it.

This means you have 66 days before your ex’s habit of communicating with you (or thinking about you) has been broken.

But even this number isn’t cut and dried. The study’s participants had varying rates of success depending on how hard the habit was to form. More difficult habits, for example doing 100 sit-ups a day, quite simply take longer to form.

So, the habit of not talking to someone who was important to them will be a hard one to break for an ex, even if they say they no longer love you.

Habits are very powerful.

You can use strategies to take advantage of this difficulty in breaking a habit – like the No Contact Rule (contradictory though that may seem!) and good use of social media.

If you ex is curious about you, and especially if he sees how you are making the most of your life without him, you are making that habit of not talking to you or thinking about you harder to cement.

If you’re trying to build a habit like, say, taking a multivitamin with your breakfast, that’s probably going to be an easy one. But if you’re trying to break the habit of contact with an ex, someone you used to speak to and see often, that’s going to be harder.

All the emotions involved and all the other habits you maybe shared (FaceTime calls every Wednesday, date nights, pizza on a Friday night, grocery shopping every week…), will make it even more difficult for your ex.

Typically speaking, if you’re not talking with your ex that’s pretty normal. Breakups are negative, and men especially will often react by pulling away hard, and not interacting with you is part of this. It’s easier for your ex, especially if they broke up with you.

Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, we usually recommend that people do a No Contact Rule and don’t talk to their ex on purpose for a certain length of time.

Ignoring them is going to help you. And initially, them ignoring you is also going to help (even though it hurts).

No Contact means they have a chance to get over the breakup.

The negative, painful feelings associated with the breakdown of your relationship will fade. It also makes them curious about why you aren’t reacting typically to the breakup, for example by being visibly upset and begging for them back.

It also gives you a chance to recover and improve your life.

So how does this information about habits help you to tell if your ex is over you for good?

Well, if you attempt to reach out to them after No Contact and they ignore you for 66 days in a row, that’s not a good sign.

It means they have got out of the habit of talking to you. If they ignore you for 30, 35 days, anything up to the 66, that’s still within the range where it’s kind of okay.

After 66 days things don’t look so great. It will be harder (though not impossible) for you to regenerate that habit and get them wanting to talk to you again.

Sign Number 3: They Have Been With Someone For Longer Than 8 Months

A few months ago I did a video called Signs Your Ex Is Gone For Good. In it I explored this idea of exes moving on to someone else, and how this can be your biggest fear when you break up.

One thing I was looking at was when breakups typically tend to happen in rebound relationships, and in that video I concluded that

Between the month four and seven marks tend to be where rebound relationships begin to fail.

But it stands to reason that if a new relationship lasts for longer than 8 months, it’s beginning to get pretty serious and it’s not a good sign for them feeling any romantic feelings towards you. In other words, it’s a sign that he could potentially be over you for good.

Sign Number 4: Your Ex Takes All Of Their Things Back

Item exchanges after a breakup are one of the interactions you’re most likely to have with your ex.

What we typically find with men or women who are having some lingering feelings about the relationship is that they’ll tend not to give all of your things back or get all of their things back.

They’ll leave something in your possession or have something in their possession, that would allow for another interaction.

Leaving any of their possessions with you, or keeping your possessions, is a motivated ploy.

What tends to not be really good is if they take all of their things back and give you all of your things back. This means they are more likely to be over you. This isn’t as strong a sign as the others, but it’s something to watch out for.

It’s not as clear a sign because there’s the possibility that at the moment they want out and think it’s for good; this is a strong emotional reaction but might not mean there’s zero chance left.

Sign Number 5: Shallow Conversation

We all like to dream that conversations with our ex are going to be very in-depth and have a lot of meaning, but not all conversations tend to be like that. When you look at the kind of situation where an ex is really over it and doesn’t want to deal with you any more, you’ll find that shallow conversations become consistent.

So, what is a shallow conversation?

Quite simply, it’s when you’re texting your ex and they’re giving you those one-word responses like…

  • Okay
  • Thanks
  • That’s great
  • Good
  • Yes

And you kind of sense that they’re not really into the conversation. They’re not responding to you that quickly, sometimes they don’t respond at all, and sometimes they’re just giving the generic responses that would be expected to be polite.

This is what we call a neutral response. It’s better than no response at all, but it’s not a great sign.

They would also tend not to initiate conversations. They will respond with the minimum of effort, but they will never be the first to get in touch. That’s not good either.

Sign Number 6: Their Words And Actions Align

I’m a big believer in words and actions aligning. So if someone says, “I’m over you,” or, “I don’t love you any more,” or “It’s not you, it’s me,” that doesn’t really mean much to me, especially when you’re looking at the clients I work with.

What’s more important is actions.

What someone does is far more important than what they say.

I can’t tell you how many women I’ve helped get back with their ex-boyfriends who’ve literally had their exes say, “I don’t love you any more, “This isn’t for me,” “You need to move on,” only to have them come back a few months later saying, “I didn’t really mean that…”

What matters most are a person’s actions. So if you have an ex who has said any of those things, if their actions align with that over the course of 66 to 90 days, that’s usually not a great sign for you.

But if your ex says they never want to see you again, then they’re creeping on your social media, that’s their actions not aligning with their words.

If they say they’re over you but they watch your every move when you happen to be in the same bar or party, that’s actions and words not matching up.

They are still orbiting around you, and their actions tend to tell the story of what they’re really thinking.

Note that it can definitely take longer than a couple of months to get an ex back. In fact, we find that at the absolute best, clients can see results within three months at minimum. That’s 90 days, and that’s if things are going well. Sometimes it can take a year or more to see results, and you have to be doing the right things.

So keep that in mind.

If you still think you have a chance, the best and fastest way to find the answer to that questions is to take that super simple and fast quiz here on the site.

And if there’s anything you want adding to this article, please let me know in the comments below. I love interacting with you all, and I try to personally answer as many questions as I possibly can.

42 thoughts on “Signs My Ex Is Over Me For Good”

  1. Avatar

    Jenn

    February 19, 2020 at 10:44 pm

    my ex and i broke up 2 weeks ago and he was really decided that he doesnt want to be with me anymore. i was so confused because days before our breakup we were good. he said that our situation is hard because of long distance, he wanted to feel free again and do things without any responsibilities or thinking of me as a girlfriend. but he created an account to check my ig which i have him blocked. is there a chance he’ll come back? its just been a week since i started the NC thingy. bc at our breakup i begged and pleaded. i still love him is there anything i can do to get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 20, 2020 at 10:56 pm

      Hi Jenn, so unblocking him is going to be one step to getting him back, he needs to be able to see what you are doing without him in your life. Leave him on the outside looking in. Work the Ungettable work that is mentioned on this website. Complete of 30 days of No Contact and reach out to your ex with a text that Chris suggests

  2. Avatar

    Kal

    February 16, 2020 at 12:27 am

    I was in a same-sex relationship. My ex moved out in Nov. 2018. (We were together 3.5 years.) He gave vague reasons to myself and our mutual friends: “It’s not bad, it’s not bad …,” he said to a mutual friend. To me he said it was “the entire living situation.” I have a tenant whom we both dislike immensely. And recently, my ex said, “That house is not big enough for 3 people.” (He’s right.) I’ve asked him several times to promise that he would keep an open mind/heart about getting back together later under better circumstances. He had said it would have to be “under different circumstances,” but thinks it’s “unlikely.”

    He still receives mail here, and some of his things are still at my house: his treadmill, his futon-bed, bike, a wall clock with his family name, various and sundry items–and his cat. (He left another cat with a previous ex, and they never got back together, but he said they were “bad for each other.”) He left his streaming service active, and I still have one of his credit cards, which I sometimes, though rarely, use to buy cat food and litter. 

    The day before Valentine’s Day, he came over after work to pick up his mail. I gave him his Christmas and V-Day gifts (very expensive gifts), and he was shocked. At first he wouldn’t accept them, but I told him I couldn’t return the items, so he accepted them reluctantly. He said he felt conflicted because “we aren’t a couple anymore.” Then he said let’s go out for a couple drinks. Over drinks he reitterated that it is unlikely we will get back together, I should probably move on, I could do better, take care of myself, be selfish, and my ‘favorites’: the stars would have to align, and he would have to hit bottom and have no other alternative/last resort/lose hope, etc. … But he never said no or closed the door. (Some friends think he’s just sparing my feelings.)

    I have minimal contact with him via text or calling. (Though I think about him constantly and have trouble sleeping and miss him terribly.) In the beginning, I texted him a few times to tell him how much. While I was in San Diego visiting a friend in Nov., I texted that I missed him, and he texted back, “Honestly, same.”

    He has typically been the one to initiate contact. He texted me a happy birthday in Dec. and said he hoped all was well. When he texts, it’s usually to inquire about mail or packages he’s received at my house. Sometimes it seems as if he’s looking for an excuse to chat. He’s actually asked me to let him whenever he gets official looking mail. His father died recently, and he flew back home to be with his mother last month, and while he was away, he tried calling me twice at 3 a.m. (that’s his old behavior–calling multiple times and at odd hours). Generally though, he has been silent; uncommunicative.

    He had previously suggested when he moved out that we change the “nature” of our relationship and be friends. Coming home after drinks the other day, I was weeping and sobbing, and he said he hated being the one making me sad, and that he wasn’t sure we could be friends. But his last words when he left were “Let’s talk again,” and he reitterated that he will not shut me out.

    I texted him the next day and asked if it wasn’t the best gift he’s ever received and suggested we work on being friends. He texted back, “Truly it is” (the best gift he’s ever received). Since then, I have initiated the No Contact Rule for the first time. But today he texted asking if he’d left a box of books here or possibly with his old roommate. (I’m not sure if I should respond.) Again, he typically initiates contact. I had my hair colored on Valentine’s Day (self-care–it didn’t help), but something my hairstylist said did cheer me up: she thinks it was a great idea to give him the gift before going silent, and that it will give him something to think about.

    Since he’s moved out, is it really hopeless??? Should I give up? I am evicting the tenant, and I am buying a new house in a few months hopefully, which I also hope will entice my ex to come back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 16, 2020 at 9:07 am

      Hey Kal so no it isnt hopeless but first before reaching out you need to make the changes that is going to help it work the second time around. I would make sure all these things have changed, and you work on yourself for the time being and then reach out to your ex via text just for conversation and catch up. Do not mention about getting back together, do not ask to meet up. Just have texting conversations with your ex while all the busy stages is going on. You can tell him you are moving house, you can tell him the tenant has moved out etc. But do not ask for that meet up until you are in the new house. This will give you enough time to work on yourself to become Ungettable, remove the negative mind set your ex has about the situation you are currently in. Read the texting articles and watch the videos Chris has done about the types of texts you need to send to your ex.

  3. Avatar

    Emily

    January 17, 2020 at 8:57 pm

    My ex and I broke up almost 3 months ago. He said he didn’t love me anymore and didn’t see a future with me and needed to find himself. He said he still wanted to be friends we kept texting everyday and I went over a week later to get my stuff back. We did shots to all our good memories and tried to keep it light hearted but we both started crying. We kissed goodbye and went our separate ways.

    We decided to still talk everyday and it was quite hot and cold and then feelings started getting hurt on my side. We had one big argument and we stopped talking for 2 weeks. I had broken the no contact by FaceTiming him so drunk and he was hammered too and we just were both chatting nonsense and it got a little “hot” but I hung up during it when I realised what we were doing. We never mentioned it the next day and we kinda went back to texting.

    Come New Years I told him I’m deleting him off everything because I didn’t feel he apologised for hurting me. He replied asking me not to delete him and that he doesn’t want me out of his life for good. Then he apologised to me again. I thanked him but come New Years I blocked him off all social media.

    5 days later we “matched” on tinder and he sent me a message saying he never got the chance to say happy new year and wished me well… I never replied.

    Then something told me to call him we hadn’t spoken for another 13 days at this point And I used our typical “just wanted to see if you sent my stuff back” to initiate the conversation. THIS time he said he will do it for me today…. considering we have been avoiding handing over the last of my stuff this took me by surprise. He tells me he is moving country for work for a few months and then maybe going travelling after. I ask to say goodbye in person and he does.

    We meet and we keep it light but he seems super guarded and tense: we did have a few laughs together and there was only one moment where he looked genuinely sad but then that passed and it was just indifference. We went around shopping for his trip and I asked him to come for a drink and he said no. So I hugged him goodbye and I was the only one getting a little anxious! He would hardly make eye contact with me during the whole time I was with him as well though.

    I texted him to say it was lovely to see him and he said it was lovely to see me too. I asked him could we stay in touch and he said yes. His texts were now becoming more blunt and short. I now get so drunk and I end up asking him if he’s just saying this to make me happy or does he really mean it and this is what he said

    “(My name), this is all too much and I can’t handle it right now. I don’t know what the future holds, I know I enjoy your company so can we just figure it out as it goes on when I’m back in a few months”

    I replied back drunkly that it was cool and sorry for the pressure and random stuff.

    What does this mean? Is this the end end? Do I stop talking to him Now? Is this him deciding whether he will ever talk to me again or whether he will reconsider things when he is home?

    We didn’t do anything wrong to each other. We were together 9 months but it was very intense due to external and personal reasons. But we loved each other. We really needed a break anyway.

    But what can I do??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 6:46 pm

      Hi Emily, so I would suggest that you spend some time doing No Contact, where you do not reach out to him at all and leave him alone. Let him have the space and time to himself if you feel you can not control yourself during times you are drunk then delete him off your phone so that you can not contact him. Give the number to someone you trust. While he is travelling for a few months you can do the texting phase but you know you are limited to meeting stage until he comes back. Think of this as the opportunity to show him what he has lost and work on becoming the ungettable girl so when he is home hes going to be blown away by how much you have grown and matured, how you are socially and in your career. Give this article a read https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-ungettable-girl/

  4. Avatar

    Mel

    December 22, 2019 at 7:17 pm

    Hey there – So my situation does not pertain to an ex, but it’s an interesting situation so I’m curious what your thoughts are. I was texting back and forth with a guy I meant from an app. He came to the city for a weekend when we matched, but we didn’t get to meet. He decides he’s going to buy a plane ticket to see me a week later. We meet up, he books us a hotel room. We sleep together 4 times and on our second night together, we make plans for drinks. I leave the hotel with only some of my belongings so I can change, thinking I’ll grab my stuff later when we meet up later that night. Hours pass, I text him asking if he’s back at the hotel, and nothing. Another few hours pass and I text him asking if he can at least let the front desk I’m coming because I’d really like to grab my things. I wait another long while and get no response. I go to the hotel, tell the concierge the situation, grab a key, knock twice and finally go in the room. The guy has been sleeping this whole time, says wtf, and asks how I got in there. I explain to him that I texted him, thought we had plans, was sorry, but that I just needed to grab my things. He treats me coldly, barely says goodbye to me, and leaves the next day. I text him and tell him that I was sorry and didn’t mean to startle him but I cried on my way home because I felt disposed of after I thought we had a nice time. He tells me that he was on the fence about hanging out another night and was bothered that I came to the room. He tells me he wasn’t feeling the vibe and didn’t want to see me again. I explained where I was coming from and he tells me that this is way too much to tell someone after we hung out once, and that he’s not interested in hanging out again. I’ve been feeling horrible since then. I’m certainly not happy with how he treated me and think I did right by myself by grabbing my belongings when he slept and had no respect for me or my time. That being said, I have to admit that I still like this guy…Do I have a shot in hell of rekindling any sort of interest from his end even if it’s just sexual..? If so, how would I go about it? I’ve already read most of the articles on the site, so maybe an answer specifically tailored to my odd situation might help. Thank you so much.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2019 at 7:24 pm

      Hi Mel, so from what you’ve told me it sounds like you came on too strong for his side of things. Especially getting a room key before he replied to you. It could possibly that he was looking for a hook up. If you want to re attract this guy then you need to do a no contact and learn how to control your emotional reactions and impulsive thoughts / reactions. Men like chasing a woman so remember that if he does get in touch again

  5. Avatar

    Anonymous

    December 11, 2019 at 11:21 pm

    My ex and I were together for about a year.. we had a great relationship.. he was respectful and loved my kids, always made me laugh.. he broke up with me the first week in October with no clear reason other than I was possessive at times and we both jumped in to our relationship. He had never had a routine like ours before like work, dinner, kids etc.. I found out about 2 weeks after we broke up he started dating a girl he knew from high school. She’s complete opposite of me down to looks. I tried no contact and lasted 3 weeks. I tried calling him and texting him and nothing!! Before if I called he would answer.. I know I’m not blocked.. he called my best friend last week to ask me if she could get some personal items he left at my house.. I didn’t think we had any hostility between us.. I do still text his mom occasionally and she’ll do the same and share things on Facebook.. he doesn’t not have social media other than Instagram and we are not friends.. I miss him terribly.. he once talked about us getting married.. when he broke up with me he said he didn’t know if it was the right choice.. I’ve tried to get over him.. I meditate, journal, and when I do talk to another guy I feel as if I’m cheating on him.. my heart is crushed..

  6. Avatar

    Victoria

    November 18, 2019 at 4:05 am

    Hi. I have a situation that just happend to me that is driving me insane. My ex and I had been together for 16 years and have 2 children. I noticed about 3 weeks ago he became very distant. He started dressing up more than usual, going to work earlier, talking and texting a lot more which he hated to do. He is a truck driver of 4 months currently but was home every night. Things were going great he finally had a great paying job and our family was growing closer. He came to me on a Monday after I had worked a 16 hour shift I had showered, done my hair, put make up on and looked nice. He started off by asking me to breakfast. So I went. Then he told me that he wasnt doing this because he was seeking nor did he have anyone else he was just mentally exhausted. He said that I was absolutely beautiful and I didnt give myself enough credit, he said my sex was amazing. He also said that if I needed any help at all not to hesitate to ask. But then a week later I told him I didnt want him to continue staying in my home because I would still want to engage in sex and that would just hurt me in the long run. So he went and got a hotel room closer to his job. Then I notice on social media he posts that he is in a realationship with a girl. Something my man never did. he always told me that your personally life isnt something you put on social media. He told me that he loves me and he always will because I’m the mother of his children. He continues to pay insurance on all of our vehicles, he pays the internet and cable for the kids. He has stopped texting me only if due to kids. I am just so confused. Is he on a rebound? Have I lost him forever !? I have been devastated! This is the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He has told me that he just wants to be happy and he thinks he may have found that. they have been dating a month. He has already introduced our children to her. Brought her to my home after i asked him not to. He spoke to his mom recently and was complaining about not havi my money, living in a hotel, missing his kids but yet acts like their just enjoying life on Facebook. He has even posted he loved her on there!? How can you love someone that soon!?

    I just need everyone’s input plz!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 12:19 pm

      Hi Victoria, so the overcompensating online is just for show so know this. What he has told his mother is more likely true as that is someone he trusts. The “Love” he feels for the new girlfriend is just the newness of the relationship and that does wear off, its called the honeymoon phase. During which time you need to be working on yourself so that he sees positive changes you are making to yours and the kids life. Post about family time and the things he is going to be missing out on because he is with her.

      Now financially, when my partner and I broke up I made sure that I stood on my own two feet and he paid me maintenance from his wages rather than paid any bills, I didnt want him to feel like I needed him for anythign and this upset his more than being short for cash. He said when I did that he got scared that I was going to move on and he was going to lose me and his family. So working on this independent side of things is where husbands will feel the fear of loss more so because they get used to providing for us. So this is something I would suggest working towards too. Dont struggle, but build yourself up to be stronger and not dependent on him for anything.

  7. Avatar

    Anon

    November 3, 2019 at 4:52 am

    Hi!
    So about 5 days ago I broke up with my boyfriend because I wasn’t happy with some things in the relationship. The big deal breaker was that me and him had been dating fro almost a year and we had no plans for the future and it seemed like all he cared about was himself. His future that he spoke about only involved him. I’m moving in the next two years so this was a big deal to me. Also he was very angry and rude to me each time that I was emotional or upset with him and treated me with no respect when it came to that. The rest of the relationship was good. Our good times were sooo good but we did clash a lot. Mainly because I’m emotional and he’s no good at dealing with that. I told him that I couldn’t continue the relationship if he couldn’t change those two things and he said he couldn’t. I deleted all my social media after I saw that he deleted photos of us straight after and started following all these girls that I didn’t like and he also unfollowed me. I’m a few days in the no contact rule but I feel like those actions he did right away on social media means that I shouldn’t have my hopes up of him coming back and changing.I know he still loves me but whats your opinion, is he ready to move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 3:12 pm

      Hey, so the fact his future talk was only about himself is 100% valid to uspet you as he is showing you his mental thoughts. So you need to go into a No Contact properly for 30 days and stick to it. And then work on becoming Ungettable. You can find all this information on the website to help you come up with a plan. Your social media is your tool to show this new version of yourself where you post only positive and exciting things that you have been doing since you left him.

  8. Avatar

    Nemo

    November 1, 2019 at 5:24 pm

    Hi

    I had a long time girlfriend. We’d been together for 8 years. We have 2 kids already. We broke up 2 years ago. She just leave me for no reason. She said, she dont love me anymore and she needs space. I was so shocked and feeling cold at first. I was so denialed. I dont know what to do. I asked and beg her back but didnt worked out. Later I found out that she has another woman (I think she’s a lesbian). I was so depressed. Its been a year and half before I totally moved on.

    Now, I have a new girlfriend. My kids told her. What my ex did was added my gf’s facebook using my kids account. My gf accepted it. My ex posted something annoying with my gf’s timeline.

    My question is, why my ex did that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 2, 2019 at 10:17 pm

      Hi Nemo, it is almost jealous behavior and childish too. But you need to reassure your new girlfriend and then ignore your ex and all her attempts to get a reaction.

  9. Avatar

    Cindy

    October 31, 2019 at 3:22 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex broke up with me just over a month ago because we had an argument. Before we broke up he said he needed space but I insist we need to have regular communication because it’s a long distance relationship.

    I have done the NC rule and he only reached out once during early phase of NC. Once NC ended, I reached out to him with a memory text and he instantly responded with several texts. These few days he has been proactive messaging me, saying he misses me, checking on my current relationship status, accidentally called me baby and said he loves me.

    I took the opportunity today to try and dissect what went wrong as I am not keen to get back together unless there is a good reason/we talk it through. I asked how come he never reached out given that he misses and loves me. He said that he wants the best for me and that indeed he misses and loves me but we cannot be together and that I should give other guys a chance. He says we can be good friends. He still genuinely cares for me and he asks of me a lot (lot more than when we were together). I feel that he is suppressing his emotion and I don’t know why. How can I get him to open up? Or does this mean he is over me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 12:26 am

      Hi Cindy, so you need to think of this situation as you are lower on the “trust” level at the moment, where you are going to have to work your way up that ladder so that you are the person he goes to and opens up to. He is not going to do that straight after a No Contact. So if you want him back avoid emotional conversations like this. And just start focusing on building your attraction again.

  10. Avatar

    Patricia Burts

    October 31, 2019 at 9:00 am

    Hi, so my ex broke up with me 2 years ago but we’ve been in contact off and on since then. He moved to Texas this past June (I still live in Louisiana) and talked about how I should move on. So I didn’t contact him for about 2 weeks and all of a sudden I get that Hey Stranger text. He says that he was checking on me since he hasn’t heard from me. Around mid-July he asks if I would move to San Antonio with him in January and since I still love him I said yes. But then changes his mind because he thinks that breaking my lease with my apartment will ruin my credit (which I dont think is true). Fast forward to now. We saw each earlier this month and a few days later he becomes distant. Proceeds to tell me that he’s not ignoring me and that he just has alot going on he needs to focus on. Last week he was trying to come see me to have sex and then other day he wanted to come see me. Come to find out he wanted to tell me he has a new gf. I am completely shocked by this. If I try this program do you think I have a chance of winning my ex back? They haven’t been together long, they just made their relationship official two days ago.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 31, 2019 at 10:53 pm

      Hey Patricia, so you can do the being there method but you need to go into a NC of 45 days first, this gives him time to get out of the “new honeymoon phase” that he will be in with the new girlfriend. In the mean time you need to work your butt off to become the Ungettable girl and the best way to do that is read some articles about it, and also look up the being there method. Chris has so many articles and youtube videos about these two topics so there is plenty of information to help you. There is a chance of getting him back but first you need to spend your 45 days working on yourself so that you know you are the best thing he lost

  11. Avatar

    Jasmine

    October 31, 2019 at 5:10 am

    Hi Chris,
    My ex boyfriend and I broke up 2 months back when I asked him about our plans to get married. I maintained a one month NC post which I reached out to him in person. It wasn’t a good meet and I ended up begging him for us to be together. He said he had no feelings for me and told me he has moved on. I haven’t contacted him again in any way. It’s been a month since this happened but he shows no sign of contacting me in any way. I am even undergoing a therapy session to cope up with this which I had mentioned it to him when we last spoke. Kindly give your suggestions.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 31, 2019 at 10:33 pm

      Hi Jasmine so if you are going through therapy to deal with the situation then focus on that before you reach out to your ex, normally mixing therapy and this process can be hard to cope with emotionally so I do suggest working on yourself until you in a better position to contact your ex again

  12. Avatar

    Hannah

    October 29, 2019 at 4:50 pm

    Does this also works on non-boyfriends, just people you dated? And how to be both NC when they’re guilty of negligence and you broke their trust?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 1:09 pm

      Hi Hannah, it can work but you dont have the advantage of a past relationship to play with positive memories with. But you need to take some time apart (NC) and then re attract using the texting phase to build up a stronger bond where you gain his trust again and you and work on becoming more of a priority to him – by not being too available to him but also being the Ungettable girl. Do some reading and get yourself used to how the process works

  13. Avatar

    Anon

    October 26, 2019 at 11:58 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend of 8months broke up with me saying he’s had enough of me. I got angry at him for not putting in enough effort for me and he was trying his best to give more time to me. But I lashed out at him another time and it was to his limit. He said he’s tried his best at making things work between us but can never seem to make me happy and has made up his mind that things between us won’t ever work out anymore because he’s at his limit and due to long distance. He say he is no longer happy in this relationship and don’t think he can try any longer to make things work anymore. And when I went mad and started apologising for taking him for granted and calling him non-stop he totally ignored me; to the point that he blocked me on every social platform. I’m so sad and hurt from this and feel very sorry to have pushed him to his limit. I have not been in contact with him for two days after all that. Does he hate me? And is there ever a chance in this situation that we will ever get back together?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 27, 2019 at 3:32 pm

      Hi there, I wouldnt say he hates you I think you are too dependant on him. Read some articles about being Ungettable Girl and make sure you follow the program and complete a full NC

  14. Avatar

    Robin Fay ONeill

    October 26, 2019 at 7:14 pm

    My guy broke up with me two weeks ago on a Saturday morning. We were laughing and sharing ice cream in bed the night before while watching a movie. He even hid the ice cream under the blanket to tease me. He let me feed him spoonfuls.
    The next morning I started rubbing his back. He acted kind of annoyed. I asked him if he was going to be late. He had mentioned he needed to do something in the AM. I got up to get my things together and leave so he could get ready.
    I put my things in the car. When I came back in he was washing dishes. He came over and gave me a hug goodbye. He seemed upset. I asked him if everything was ok and he mumbled it was him. I stood there and waited a minute. I asked what was wrong. He yelled out, saying this is why he can’t be in a relationship.
    I’m so hurt and shocked. He said I was a nice distraction. We dated 10 months. He was always making plans for us. Always taking me places. Always thinking about things we could do. From teaching me card games, taking me to microbreweries, to places out of town for day trips, etc.
    We both have kids. He has 2 teen boys he gets every other week. I have a 22 yr old that lives with me.
    We are both over 50. We never argued. We always laughed and finished each others sentences. Even when we were away during summer trips with his kids and doing stuff out of town, we would get back into the routine of being together.
    Now, he says he has issues, wishes nothing but the best for me, and he can’t see or talk to me right now because there is so much going on.
    I contacted him a couple times by text. He answered a couple time.
    I’m so confused. I want him back but not going to beg. I simply told him how wonderful he was and how much I was going to miss him.
    I asked if he was ever going to see me or talk to me again.
    He dropped a couple of my things off but let them by the door when I wasnt home.
    I am at a loss

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 27, 2019 at 3:37 pm

      Hi Robin, how strange the turn of events but clearly he is hiding something as there is no reason to end things based on your side of the story. I would go into a NC and work on your own life making sure you are happy with yourself and get over the break up and the relationship. By doing this you are showing you know your worth and in time when he has less going on you may find he reaches out to you. But you can reach out in 30 days time as a friend but do not mention the break up or the relationship

  15. Avatar

    Kate

    October 26, 2019 at 8:21 am

    Hi. I’m pregnant 8 months now with my ex. He broke up with me 2 months ago. He has new girl he said “he doesn’t think he don’t love her” but he still is texting me, going on trips with me, hold my hand, hugging during meetings and having sex. He said he loves trips with me etc. He’s asking for help in many cases. Two weeks ago he told me he still hurts because how our relationship ended. He didn’t tell the girl he’s expecting baby (which he’s very happy to have). Honestly, I don’t know how to behave. Sometimes I feel like I’m just useful for him. He changes behaviour – once he’s so good to me, texting whole days, having fun. Other day he’s totally quiet, asking me not to call him. Like when he’s with new girl he doesn’t need me. When I ask if we have chance he always say that no one knows the future. I want him back. Baby delivery is closer and I really need advise what to do in that case… Should I keep this contact with him? Should I ask why he’s ignoring me? I’m struggling about this situation…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 27, 2019 at 8:39 pm

      Hi Kate so the fact you are 8 months pregnant and you’re almost due I would recommend a limited no contact where you DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM. Change the dynamics where you explain to him you are not going to be second best to the other woman. You should show yourself more respect than he is giving you by treating you this way. He needs to feel hes going to lose you unless he gets rid of the other woman in his life

  16. Avatar

    Anon Girl

    October 24, 2019 at 11:44 pm

    My ex of 2 years left me 4 months ago, a close family member was ill and the next day he died which blew an argument out of proportion and he ended it with me.
    We’d split up twice last year for a month both times and I really thought we were on the right track to a happy future this time.
    We have a young child together so see each other multiple times a week. I did limited contact for 30 days. Since ending LC I’ve told him twice (over the period of 3 months) that I still have feelings for him. The first time he didnt reply, the second time he replied but was a little hostile. He hasn’t told me he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore but on the other hand he hasn’t told me he does so I don’t really know where I stand. I’m blocked on social media but he hasn’t blocked my phone number as we need to be able to contact each other incase of an emergency with our child.
    When we pick up and drop off our child he doesn’t speak much, and if he does it’s just about our child.
    I’ve done a lot of self improvement in the 4 months we’ve been apart, I’ve tried to move on but I just cant. I love him dearly and want noone but him. I’ve tried going on dates but I just find myself gravitating back to him.
    How can I make him see me in an attractive light again? He is extremely stubborn and very proud so know he wont come begging back, I will have to make the first move which I am happy to do but how can I build attraction when we only see each other for a few minutes a few times a week?
    Thanks in advance

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 27, 2019 at 9:21 pm

      Hi AG so you need to stop telling him you have feelings for him and making it obvious you want him back. He isnt going to chase someone who doesn’t need chasing. Speaking to him civil like and appearing happy and confident is how youre going to get him interested again. This is also while dressing and looking great during picking up and dropping off your child. If he was to ask what your plans are while he has your child I would suggest saying something like “Going for food with a friend” or something similar to make him wonder who the friend is.

  17. Avatar

    Mia Gonzalez

    October 24, 2019 at 2:22 am

    My ex and I have been broken up for about 3 months now. He initiated the break up after an argument one night that blew up way more than it should. During the 3months, I’ve committed the sin of begging and pleading because I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that someone who deeply loves, cares, and respects me decided to end the relationship & run away versus trying to work on things. Up until now, he STILL says he loves & cares about me but does not want to give me a second chance. He said he was tired from all the arguments during our relationship and was unhappy every time. I’ve asked him if this was a decision he has been thinking about over time but he said it just “came to him” that night we fought & he ended things.

    For the past 3 months, I’ve begged & pleaded. We’ve also went back and forth about giving each other our stuff back. He’s always ignored me when I asked about our things or responded with “I’ll let you know.”

    He’s asked for space countless of times & I’ve failed many times. I am now committing to NC out of respect & love for him but for healing on my part. I’ve read all that I can from this website and am now working towards becoming UG.

    I just can’t help but to think that my gut is telling me he WILL come back because of the fact that he says he STILL loves & cares about me. He still wants us to be apart of each others lives(just wants space until he feels ready to reach out) & is always making excuses for not coming to get or letting me drop off his things.

    Do I still have a pretty good chance of getting my ex back? Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 24, 2019 at 9:43 pm

      Hey Mia, so the amount of time you’ve spent begging and pleading is going to lower your chances but you can still start your NC and stick with it and give yourself a better chance of getting him back if you follow the advice on this website and actually do the work Chris recommends

  18. Avatar

    Taylor

    October 23, 2019 at 7:14 pm

    My ex recently broke up with me saying that he loves me and this is real but he is scared to commit. His past relationships have been pretty bad so I can see why he is like this. I am on day 5 of no contact and haven’t heard anything from him yet. I am focusing on me by going to the gym daily and meeting new friends. I Post on my story about 2 times this week showing me being happy and out enjoying life. he is the first to watch them. He’s a stubborn commitment phobia. Do I have a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 24, 2019 at 9:05 pm

      Hi Taylor so yes giving you follow the program and have some emotional control and patience… then you are in the right place to give yourself your best chance. Read up through the articles on this website and videos on Chris’ YouTube about stubborn exes and this will help you understand what you need to do.

  19. Avatar

    erin elizabeth

    October 22, 2019 at 6:44 pm

    hi chris-
    i have quite the issue. my ex boyfriend and i broke up (he broke up with me) because he’s graduating college this year and needs to figure out what he wants to do with our life. in our relationship there was a lot of fighting but when it was good it was incredibly good and made it all worth it. we talked about futures together and are still so in love to this day. we broke up about two months ago and we’re stuck in this post relationship relationship cycle for a while, seeing each other and having sex and feeling everything all over again. neither of us wants to see anyone else, but he won’t take me back because he says he doesn’t want to be with anyone right now and won’t for a long time. i’ve started no contact and it’s so difficult but i want to know if i even have a chance of getting him back. he still has feelings and is protective of me, but he knows he can’t give me what i deserve. i can’t shake the feeling that this will somehow all work out and we will be together again, even though he says he won’t ever want that. am i doing the right thing? please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 24, 2019 at 9:14 pm

      Hey Erin, so you need to NC him and walk away from him for 30 days working on yourself and let him see you dont need him to be “protective” of you and you are a grown woman who is going to do amazing things with her life with or without him in there. Make sure you read about being Ungettable and how to utilise social media so show this without it being too over the top

  20. Avatar

    Lisa

    October 22, 2019 at 5:39 am

    Greetings, Chris!
    My Ex Bf and I dated a year. We broke up December 13, 2018, due to having an argument which caused me to give him his house key back and storm away…we are 12 years apart in age (I’m older). He contacted me the morning after saying that there should be no pointing fingers at either of us and that he wanted us to have no “bad” feelings between us. After that I tried to text but it was shallow so I stopped. Shortly after, I found out that I was pregnant after the breakup which ended in me miscarrying. I didn’t tell him but a mutual friend did. Which lead to us meeting up and talking. The conversation didn’t go as planned I wanted to reconcile but he appeared uncertain about our future. We agreed to be friends and he even stated that we could go out some time on a date. We started to see each as friends and went out from time to time. I thought we were getting close again but it was not the same. Even though I apparently had been friend zoned we still had times where it appeared to be more. He would text and initiate us getting together then the communication would slow down. We made plans to go on a trip but of course it didn’t happen. Our last encounter was on July 4, 2019. Because we were no longer a couple, I figured he was dating others. At this point, I never got clarity of what we were doing nor did I ask or bring it up (I was just letting the situation flow). A part of me was scared I guess, because I didn’t want to be rejected. I really loved him and still do to this day. When we dated and we would talk about our past relationships, he did mention to me that once a relationship ends with him he never goes back. I should have kept that in mind. But when we reconnected, I thought our situation was different. So on our last day together, he told me he still cared about me but he had been with someone else, but it was not serious. We still communicated up to the later part of July over the phone and texting but it was scarce. Our last day of communication, I texted him. He responded but his responses were shallow and very different. We stopped texting and he was in relationship with someone. My heart was truly broken. I was never big about posting my relationship or personal business on social media and he knew this. He however decided to post his brand new relationship and that is how I found out him totally moving on from me.

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