Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
The Weird Things Avoidants Do When They Like You
What Happens To An Avoidant During No Contact?
How A Secure Handles An Avoidant Pulling Away
The Moment An Avoidant Realizes They Lost You (THIS Will Happen)
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
Post categories
Jay
October 11, 2016 at 2:18 am
I just wanted to ask if buying the package and using the NC rule will work for me, my ex and I have been together for 3 years, broke up about 4 months ago due to him cheating and going through his own personal issues. In that time, we still talked, hung out at events went to a wedding together and still slept together. Everyone was saying we were still together but in our eyes we weren’t. At first he was trying to make things better, show that he was doing what he could even though we weren’t together. Then I started pushing with my accusations and questions, always grilling him about what he was doing and who he was with. He got more and more annoyed and would be less patient with his answers and replying to me or seeing me. Using the “we aren’t together’ line. He started going out more, distracting himself from his own problems and I kept making an issue. It got to a point where he said it wasn’t a good idea if we had sex because every time we did I would go crazy on him for days after. Always bringing up getting back together. Finally after the last time we hooked up he said that he needed me to hate him and to forget him so i could be okay. We still spoke a few days after and then I asked if he was hanging out with someone else because my gut was telling me he was with someone else at that moment. He said yes 🙁 I was devastated. I went crazy because I couldn’t believe it, even his mom and sister said that he was either just saying that or it couldn’t be serious. I asked him the next day if he was going to continue to see this girl, he said probably. Last night I reached out to him again telling him I would stop with pressuring him about a relationship and we could still hang out and hook up and learn how to enjoy each others company again without the craziness I bring. He said no and that he didnt believe I could do that without continuing the same behaviour and he couldn’t do this anymore. He said he was done and that he feels we shouldn’t be around each other and that we don’t work together because of all the fighting and things that have happened. I know he loves me and cares, I just feel like I’ve pushed him too far this time. Is my situation even salvageable? Will the no contact work? The times that I have pulled away he’s reached out with positive things, saying sorry and such. Im just in fear that this program won’t work for me and he will never reach out and is truly done with me…
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 4:43 pm
Hi Jay,
it is big help but there’s not guarantee that it will help you get your ex back.. But I still think you need to do the no contact rule to help you and him have a restart.
Jamie
October 10, 2016 at 6:18 am
My ex of 3 years broke up with me about 5 months ago…during that time we would hang out and text (rarely about 4-5 times during the time span of 5 month- we have a “good-ish” relationship with each other as of right now) is it too late to start the no contact rule? I really want to get back with him.
Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 10:10 am
Hi Jaime,
Not really, you’re like friendzoned.. Check this one:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
Rachael
October 10, 2016 at 5:03 am
My ex broke up with me this morning. We had been together for almost 2 years. He lives in NorCal and I live in SoCal because of school. Technically, I said “we’re done” first, then took it back and apologized. The next day and today, he explained that he was breaking up with me and that he has so much pressure from schoolwork that he has no time for a relationship at this moment. He said that maybe if we find a way through our own flaws, we will find our way back to each other. He’d be willing to meet up with me during winter break if he comes back into town for the holidays. He has not deleted any pictures of us on his facebook, although we’d been in a rough patch for about 2 weeks prior to this situation. What do you think? I read through the whole shabang and am not certain with exactly how to approach it since there is distance involved as well. Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 10:09 am
Hi Rachel,
You should check this one:
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship
Jada
October 10, 2016 at 3:23 am
me and my ex broke up over a month ago and when we did i wanted to cut him off so i can heal but he basically said why would throw away a good friendship over a 2 month relationship. he pretty much begged so i gave in. he still does some things as if we’re still together but now i want to be able to get over him if he’s not willing to see if we could have a future together and give us a try. my question is do i let him know im cutting him off or should i just do it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 10:07 am
Hi Jada,
just do it..
Sulekha
October 10, 2016 at 2:35 am
I was doing the No Contact rule and was two weeks into it and it was going well. He texted saying ” Hey you seem rather busy in life or you have stopped texting. Either way it’s good for you as long as you’re doing something useful with it. Just wanted to know how your exams went and also in general how your life is because we haven’t spoken in a while”. I responded saying I’m busy with lots of things going on. And he texted back and I texted back. So basically, I broke the no contact rule. I understand that I’ve to start again. But do you think it’s going to be as effective again. I was so happy that it was woring this time and he texted. But if I start again, don’t you think he’ll take it as a sign that I really don’t want to talk to him ever or that I’m being hot and cold towards him and he’ll just stop trying?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 10:06 am
Hi Sulekha,
the more you do the no contact rule, the less the chances.. so, if you are going to do another one, stick to it.
Jaime
October 10, 2016 at 12:35 am
Hi there. My ex and I broke up about a month ago. Ive changed my perspective on relationships and been focussing on me and I feel amazing. Do I still want him? Absolutely. Do all his friends miss me? Yes. I have been doing 30 days od no contact and went away for a while. Around day 18 he said hey and asked why I had left. I waited 4 days to answer and kept it vague. Giving no info. Didnt tell him I was here for work just where I left to. He asked when I was coming back and I didnt give him a date. I said a few weeks. And left it at that. Always waiting hours to respond. A few days later tho it was my birthday. He wished me a happy birthday and all i said was thanks. But he asked me when I was coming back exactly because he thought of a birthday present he wanted to get me. I found this very strange. We dated for years and only the 1st year be was excited about gettinh me something and after that he dreaded it. Also weird because when we broke up…..we have alot of mutual friends…he said when they hangout he will get someone else to text and invite me…like he wantes nothing to do with me. So his actions and worda dont add up. Ive been ignoring it all because I dont want him to have control over my emotions. I guess my question is….in a week or so… our mutual friends are inviting me to an outing/event. He will be there. My 30 days will be over then. Is it a good idea to go? Or should I take the steps I have seen on this site about texting then meeting up. If I do go…should I avoid him…not full out…but be nice then just not instigate anything. I am having issues determining whats best.
Jaime
October 12, 2016 at 7:03 pm
The outing is just a few hours. Is it a problem that I broke no contact? Should I start over? I dont see the point since I feel better and he obviously misses some part of me. Which seems like the point of NC. The only bad side of it makes it seem like he can be friendly with me and i will get friend zoned. Thats why I dont respond to the messages he sends now all the time.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 13, 2016 at 11:23 am
Ok.. let’s just say you only did a 21 day contact period.. and that don’t have to do another one.. But keep improving yourself, and don’t respond for now.. start building rapport after the outing.. be friendly during the outing but don’t over do it..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 9:59 am
Hi Jaime,
actually you already broke the no contact rule at day 22. That means you are going to restart the count, but honestly, if you are going to the outing, I don’t think you’ll be able to keep it.
How long is the outing?
Aria
October 9, 2016 at 7:41 am
Hi,
My boyfriend of almost 1 year and I have had some issues the last month. I finally decided to bring it up with him last week to talk and all he did was listen. He said nothing, i thought i was going crazy. I really wanted him to meet my parents and he didnt want to.. He then started being distant. Yesterday, we saw each other and i brought it up with him again, he said he couldnt give me the kind of relationship i wanted. He wasnt ready, and he feels like he has lost feelings for me the last few weeks. I feel like that was cause by me laying into him for not wanting to meet my parents the last month. I asked him if what he was saying is that he is breaking up with me, and he said he wasnt sure what he wanted. I left his place really confused, I wasnt sure if we were broken up or not because i couldnt bring myself to ask, but he gave me a really nice kiss goodbye and told me he would see me on Thursday as we’ve got plans to see a movie that night. I didnt think that it wouldnt mean we wouldnt talk, but he has not contact me since then. Its been a day and half. Do i keep going with NC ? Do i initiate communication if i dont hear from him by Thursday or just keep going and skip our plans ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 10:21 pm
Hi Aria,
I don’t think you’re broken up because he still mentioned the move night.. but I’m just wondering, if he doesn’t really want to meet your parents yet, what’s your decision?
Lee
October 7, 2016 at 3:45 pm
4 year relationship…talked about a future(started by him, but became mutual, then just me), but now, just going through the motions. Off and on, with the breakups usually initiated by me due to frustration with no romance and/or effort. He is an overall good guy, older, no issues with cheating…he’s just too content. All previous NCs were broken by the 4th day. Latest breakup I am sticking to my guns…7th day of no contact. He texts and calls every other day to say hello or good morning/night. Today(Day 7), he emailed me to get his things(a cooking pot and headphones) and wants to bring a carjack to my house for my brother to pick up. I have not replied and don’t plan to. This is hard. My goal is to move forward with a commitment to marry. Does NC sometimes provoke those thoughts in long-term relationships?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 11:17 am
Hi Lee,
sorry, I just have to make it clear.. You broke up with him because he doesn’t seem interested anymore and he doesn’t want to get married?
Heartbroken
October 6, 2016 at 5:07 pm
I’m hoping you can help me. I have been in a relationship with a man for about 18 months. We would fight off and on, but I truly loved him and loved being with him. About 2 months ago, pretty much August 1, he completely pulled away from me. He stopped texting as much, stopped calling, stopped liking anything on FB, etc. For most of the month I kept asking what was going on, and he kept saying I was crazy.
Fast forward to September, and he then said he didn’t want to text or call that much. We still saw each other about once a week, but he would get annoyed if I called him at work, or if I texted him. I guess in hindsight, I should have seen this coming.
I confronted him the other night, because I noticed there was another woman he was pursuing on FB…meaning liking and commenting on all her posts, etc., and it was someone he just met. Meanwhile, I was getting nothing from him anymore. I asked if there was another woman. We were in a restaurant, and he stormed out, calling me crazy and telling me to delete his number, as he was going to block mine.
I know I am not crazy, and when I confronted him on something he lied to me about, he wouldn’t even address it. after a series of texts later that night, he admitted he did pull away from the relationship, and that it was all him, not me, etc etc, and said we could be friends, and I said that wasn’t possible for me, at least not now, and I needed time to heal.
So, I am committed to not contacting him, because he has really messed with my mind these last two months. However, will this no contact work for me? I would love the old man back, not the man he has been for two months. Is that even possible? It’s only been 2 days NC so far…
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 9, 2016 at 1:55 pm
Hi Heartbroken,
it’s no guarantee that it will work but it would be better to do it than to keep chasing him
Sophia
October 6, 2016 at 5:52 am
My ex and I dated for about 2 years. Things were good but his mother got in the way alot and I feel it’s because of her he drifted apart. He never actually broke up just little by little started drifting away. After a year off on and on communication. I jave delted him from soxial media regretted requested and he accepted. We finally saw each other in person for 15 min. He basically said he loved me once but it’s like not there anymore but he couldn’t look at me when he was saying this. And he was neevous i asked amd he said yes. Then he said its better this way he wont get hurt and i wont get hurt. Due to our jobs is where the distance was but a year ago we have set a date for marriage and everything then all of this happen. Will I returned his stuff back and I let him know I love him and that will never change and will he wanted to be friends and he promised he would communicate more with me like when we was friends in the beginning and I told him I call bs but we will see and agreed. Will ever since then he is always seeing what I post (ex Snap). I only contacted him about a friend trying to reach him he responded I ignored it .I posted on fb about church and anger and pain I’ve been having then he messages me if I am okay. What do you think I should do? I did tell him I don’t know why he is afraid of hurting or getting nervous if he doesn’t love me any more. I honestly believe the love is there and he doesn’t want to admit because of conflict his mother and I had but I said I would handle it very differently now kowing that he’s mother was purposely pushing my buttons so him and I caneed argue
Sophia
October 9, 2016 at 5:36 am
We both 22. And I haven’t quiet started the most contact rule. After I told him I didn’t want to his sympathy friendship I assumed he would take reply anymore but he texted me a few days later sending me a song and when I ask why is he sending me this he says just random and he promised he wasn’t going to ignore. (I just thought to myself he hasn’t ignored me since I really haven’t messaged him) so if he messaged it’s very short phrases like good. Ok. Be safe. That awsome. Ect. And he knows that is not me at all to send simple one worded messages.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 10:08 pm
Ok but you have to start the no contact rule now.. if it’s really because of his mom, well he’s old enough to make his own decision, the best you can do is to let him do it.. the only way you can influence it be being best your best self.. because in that way you won’t appear forcing him and at the same time, you’re giving him more reason to fight for you and not see anything that his mom is telling him about you or about your relationship
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 8, 2016 at 6:05 pm
Hi Sophia,
how old are both? So, I’m going to assume you’re already in no contact period, you can still give his things but only talk about his things. Do not talk about your feelings nor the relationship.
Ashley
October 5, 2016 at 4:13 pm
I have been dating a guy for almost 4 months now. We met while i was on my internship everything was going great. He would tell me that sometimes it felt like i didnt care about him at all or didnt show my affection 100%. I had to tell him to stop doubting me like that because it was nothing to that sort i asked him to have patience with me while i tried to be as transparent and open as possible with him. he made that same complaint 2 more times and with each complaint i tried to show him more and more that i really cared for him. I began to open up to him much more telling him about my ex and we both agreed that after this day we wouldnt talk about our ex’s. In a nuttshell i was trying to open his eyes to the fact that i really want to be with him 100% but it will take time. During my internship things were really going great he would want to buy things for me but sometimes i refused it and i gathered he didnt like me doing that. 2 weeks before my internship was over we went on our first date it was really fun we felt the chemistry between the both of us really strong. We decided that we wanted to go for a second date so we planned it. The weekend after completely finishing my internship i decided to go out, i danced with another guy and smoked two things that he had asked me not to do. I apologised profusely and realised that i had made a mistake. He wasnt happy about it and dealt with it poorly. the day before we were suppose to go on our second date he went out with friends to a bar and then to the beach with more drinking and then to a party in the night where he got drunk. After doing all of that he called me in the morning to tell me he still cared and that hes sorry. In the afternoon he told me about waking up beside his female friend who i guess was trying to seduce him so he got up right away and went on the couch and called me which still didnt make me happy at all. He said nothing happened but i wasnt sure what to believe. After that incident everything started to go on a downward spiral. We agreed on another day to go on the date but he had an emergency so we had to reschedule. With those probelms still not being resolved things started to get tense and i started to worry. The day came for the rescheduled date but i was hurt because he forgot about our date and decided that he wanted to break up. We texted back and forth and then we both decided to clear our heads i called him two days after and he admitted he missed me. Bare in mind we still havnt resolved or fixed our issues. he started to talk to me about a trip to miami and he wanted to come i agreed. Out of no where he started to feel like it was hard to have a girlfriend especially him being an entrepreneur. We had a talk and he said if i could wait on him until Nov.15 with no expectations but i still would get morning and goodnight texts…. I asked him to accompany me to therapy and he really wanted to he stated that he was excited to see me but i had to cancel to the other weekend. To my surprise he couldnt make it and made things a bit intense for me. He basically expressed that he feels we will seperate but i didnt want that. Well things were going great again and then he started to speak to me in a cold manner i spoke to him about it he improved and then went right back to it we texted and called each other and spoke about us basically this morning he told me he doesnt want to see me but if i made a promise he will fullfill it and i am a distraction to him and alot of things that hurt. he also said that he wants me to be happy and im a nice person and things along that line. We were suppose to meet up to talk later today but after that phone call this morning i realise that i may have been pushing it. I basically sent him a text telling him that i dont want to be a distraction to him and that i will respect his wishes to wait until Nov.15 with the knowlege of knowing things may or may not work out. The one thing that stood out though was that he never disrespected me shout at ma nothing to that sort. He told me thanks and that he appreciates what i am doing. Should i reply to that message??? Do you think i did the right thing by cancelling the sit down tonight??? what should I do??? is a NC too late now i mean does it even make any sense to consider the NC???….
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 7, 2016 at 2:53 pm
Hi Ashley,
well other than doing the no contact rule, do you have any other plan in mind? Except from moving on of course..
Aparna
October 5, 2016 at 5:05 am
Hey,
I’m currently on my 9th day of NC .I had lost all hopes .But all of a sudden yesterday I got a text from him saying “hey”.I was shocked!! What should I do.should I reply to him?Back then I had actually begged him not to end this relationship, but he did.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 7, 2016 at 12:45 pm
nope dont.. stay focused in improving yourself
Carolin
October 4, 2016 at 4:27 pm
Hi my ex broke up with me only a couple of days ago we had a lot of communication problems due to his aspergers, i sent him a message to say i agree with his decision and maybe one day we could be friends. He now keeps calling and txting, just asking if i’m ok or asking specialist questions about stuff he knows i know about? i could really do with some healing space its hard when he keeps popping up.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 6, 2016 at 8:48 pm
HI Carolin,
You can tell him, you appreciate him checking up on you, but you hope he understands that you need space to heal..
Cheye
October 4, 2016 at 1:55 am
What if my ex knows I’m doing a no contact period. Does that affect the outcome?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 6, 2016 at 10:42 am
Hi Cheye,
what do you mean? as in he knows the no contact rule or you told him you wont be contacting him for a month?
Angela
October 4, 2016 at 1:53 am
I accidentally call my ex and am currently on the nc. My ex call back twice and text me this I miss ya…I hope your OK… Did I mess up
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 6, 2016 at 10:30 am
Hi angela,
since you didnt answer, you didnt break the no contact rule 🙂
Katrina
October 3, 2016 at 12:37 am
Does the NC rule still apply if he has a new girlfriend? Won’t he just enjoy the time that they’re spending together and never think about me again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 7:28 pm
Hi Katrina,
Do not sleep with him again. I don’t think she’s a rebound, I think she’s a grass is greener case. You will know more about that in the article I will link below. And maybe you can decide if you still want to do the no contact rule after reading that. But I do suggest that you still do the no contact rule.
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Lea
October 2, 2016 at 9:44 pm
Hi, my Ex dumped me this past Thursday. So before we broke up, I signed us up for an AcroYoga class series. It’s a partnership activity, literally cannot do it by yourself. Anyway, the class is amazing and you actually switch partners in class so I don’t need him to go. Next week, is the last class and I’d like to be there since I missed this past week. I’m not sure if he’s gonna go or not. I’d like to do the NC rule, but what if he’s there? What should I do since it’s still so new? Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 6:53 pm
Hi Lea,
I think it would be better if you just start the no contact rule after the yoga class.
Amy
October 2, 2016 at 9:39 pm
Can you guys do a post on guys starting the no contact? I think my ex is doing the no contact rule for a month. He texted me the day after he broke up with me that he will call me in a month to see how we feel toward each other. I don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 6:48 pm
Hi Amy,
If he’s doing our no contact rule, then that means he wants to get back with you. But if he’s just deciding to not contact you for a month, then the best you can do is do your own no contact rule and start improving yourself. Be active in social media while you are improving yourself and do new things. Don’t just stop contacting him and dont just wait for him to initiate contact.
Anon
October 2, 2016 at 7:03 pm
I had a heated conversation with my ex a month ago. It was an on and off relationship (for over 4 years) and I finally told him I still had feelings for him. His words were “I don’t love you, I’ve never loved you, and I’ll never be in love with you.” For context he told me a year ago that he wanted to build a life with me.
I started NC immediately but told him I didn’t want to be touch, which I realize is a huge nono. Since then he’s liked a couple pictures on Facebook but nothing special. I feel like I want to do a longer NC than just 45 days, because I want to feel really like I have moved on before reconnecting. What are your thoughts?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 5:17 pm
Hi Anon,
I agree with your idea because you’re an on-and-off relationship. So when did you last really break up?
Markie
October 2, 2016 at 6:21 pm
Please help me; I’m so confused on what to do & I don’t even know if my situation can be salvaged at this point. My ex & I only dated for 3 months & we were on again/off again the entire time. The last time we broke up I tried implementing the no contact rule. I read on the article about on again/off again relationships that you should extend the nc rule to 45-60 days because of the nature of the relationship. When we broke up he said it was because he was too busy for a relationship, but we work together & all I ever hear about is how much he’s been going out with two other coworkers, one is a girl & I don’t know for sure but I have a feeling that they may be hooking up. On the 21st day of no contact he stopped me at work & asked me if we were ever going to talk again; I was really caught off guard so I said yes because I do want to be with him. I felt right then that no contact had already been broken since I had been good about ignoring him even though we work together. Anyway on day 30 I was so fed up with hearing about his very active social life that I confronted him & basically started an argument with him. He was very calm & told me that I had a right to be angry & that he didn’t think it was fair for me to have to deal with our breakup while always hearing about what he does outside of work. He said that the girl was just his friend but he spoke fondly of her, said that she didn’t judge him & that he could be silly around her & vent to her…which I totally take as a sign that he’s interested in her but maybe I’m just being paranoid? I don’t know. Anyway, the argument ended with him saying that he never knows what to say to me because I always fight him. This was all through text & then the next day at work without ever discussing the argument we were forced to work right next to each other. We started talking & even joking with each other. But he was off before me & when he left he didn’t say goodbye & I spent the rest of my shift wondering what it had all meant. Like, why was he so nice to me after that argument & even during the argument? Is it because he’s moved on & I have no chance of getting him back? Also, should I start no contact all over again? Aside from him stopping me at work I made it 30 days even though my plan was to do 45, but has the no contact rule been ineffective because our first conversation after it was an argument? Like, I said I’m really confused. Please help me.
Markie
October 5, 2016 at 5:20 pm
Oh, ok. I guess it was a mistake to send the text about the book. Thank you for the advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 4:25 pm
Hi Markie,
I think he just talked to you because it was awkward ignoring each other, and yes, arguing with him was not right the move.. because it just reminded him of why he broke up with you.. I think you have to let go of trying to get the previous relationship back.. if you really want a chance, let go of the past relationship.. he has moved on.. so if he still sees you havent, he’ll probably just keep being distant..take it as a restart.. start as friends
Markie
October 5, 2016 at 4:05 pm
Also, 3 days after we interacted positively at work I sent him a text making a joke about the book I’m reading, mostly to see if he’d respond, if we could have another positive conversation but he never replied.