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6,803 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

  1. Nik

    March 10, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    Hi,

    My ex and I dated for 2 years. I am a single mother of two children. He was onboard and said when we started dating he loves kids etc but never dated anyone with kids. The relationship always seemed a littke off. He was always slow to respond to texts, calls etc and would sometimes just be weird and disappear for a day. We broke up a year in because he said he was having a hard time with accepting my responsibilitues and noted if we progressed he was worried it would be difficult blending my family and kids. Lso, side not his mom told him it would be a challenge dating a girl with kids and warnes him it was a big responsibility to take on. So he was always kind of taking a step forward and two back. But he was so good with them and he was so nice and affectionate with nr. He is a very loyal person and would never cheat etc but he is a giant avoider and anytime we would talk about the relatio shio he would get distant and quiet. He admitted to me finally that he has severe anxiety and committment issues and he isnt sure why. I sugfested counseling and he agreed but then never went. So when things get complicated he avoids and runs away. It ia how he copes. And i want to fix it so i become needy which makes him run more. I should also note in 2 years his mom has never met my kids or even acknowledged them to me. In other words never even asked me their names. My ex in turn never invited us to famioy gatherings and would either avoid them by working a ton or lie about where he was when he was spending time with family. It really upset me he could never stand up to his mom and include us and i just kept pushing the issue. Fast forward to two months ago. He didnt show up to my sons family party and i was really hurt and so was my son. We talked for the 50000 time and he said it was best for everyine if we end things because he is ao anxious and afraid to move forward and committ more because he would have to give up control and the logistics of moving us in and dealung with my children were all very overwhelming to him. However he was really upset because he really loved spending time with us. We didnt talk for about a week after then I reached out to him and asked if he misses us etc. He said he did and it was not easy for him but it was the best choice for everyone. I keep trying NC and keep failing about every two weeks. He respinds sometimes and others he ignores me. I am just hurt and thought this was going to be something more long term. I should also mention I am the longest relationship he has ever had. All of his other ones were 6 months or less and he always ended them before they got serious and never brought anyine around family until me. I saw some texts between him and a friend which he said he was worried aboit the future and difficultues but he could have settled down with me a d this was the closest he has ever come. Do you think I should just give ul or is there a chance I can save this? He just gets so anxious and wont seek help or address his mom. He avoids like she does.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2017 at 4:01 pm

      Hi Nik,

      try to do a full nc first and to properly do it. Do at least 45 days. Check this one too:
      Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

  2. Jenna

    March 9, 2017 at 7:26 pm

    So I dated this guy for about 3 months. Things were going great, of course we had some hiccups, but what I liked so much about him is that we could always communicate about whatever issues we were having and be back to normal. Then one day I get a text from him saying that he wants to break up. He needs time to better himself and be a better boyfriend and hopefully I will be a better girlfriend. He was trying to put the blame on me. He said he really likes me, but he thought a break up would be best for now. He said he texted me because he knew he couldn’t break up with me in person, he would just “cave”. I have implemented the NC rule and haven’t spoken to him since. My first issue is this… we have the same group of friends and I want to be able to hangout with them but he will be there. He has already texted and called (which I ignored both) Asking me if I would like to have lunch and talk and squash any beef between us and not have any drama (I’m assuming because of the same friends situation). I know if I go out with my friends and he is there he is going to want to talk. What should I do?
    My other concern is since we have broken up I have noticed that he is going out ALOT! Partying to the max! Non stop! Does that mean he is trying to numb the pain of the break up or that he is so happy to have his freedom back that he is taking full advantage of it?

    Thank you for any advice!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 7:33 am

      Hi Jenna,

      your friends will understand if you dont want to hang out with him. Invite them in a different event instead..how long are you in nc? how much are you improving yourself and are you active in social media? That’s probably his way of coping with the break up

  3. T

    March 6, 2017 at 5:27 pm

    How long should I do no contact for someone who acted like they didn’t want to break up in the first place? He says he doesn’t want to live with another person because of bad past experiences, and he knows that’s something I want so he thought that was the only solution. I think he’s just scared that this time will end up like his past relationships. He said “I hope I don’t regret this.” I instituted no contact immediately and acted more or less calm during the breakup (just a little crying, but not too much). We parted on good terms and were together for more than 2 years.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 2:33 am

      Hi T,

      do at least 30 ays

  4. Tara

    March 6, 2017 at 4:19 am

    Question about how I should do NC, but first my background situation:
    My ex and I had gotten to that comfortable place in our 2 1/2 year relationship – it probably needed a little zest added back in, but overall it seemed like he was happy. One day he made a mean comment to me though and when I called him out on it, it turned into him distancing himself for about a week and then breaking up with me. He says he can’t live with a partner because it always turns out bad. His explanation? He says when living with someone and spending a lot of time together that he starts getting irritated and being rude – and that’s why he thinks he said the mean thing to me (because we have started spending more time together). It sounds like that has indeed been an issue for him in the past, and it seems like he’s kind of running from that instead of dealing with the issue head on. I think this came to light because he temporarily has a friend staying with him until he finds another space, which is cramping his space.

    Anyway, during the break up, he seemed reluctant and almost like he wanted to take it back near the end. He said “I hope I don’t regret this” and “This was the easiest relationship I’ve ever been in.” He also said he tried to think of every way in which we could stay together – like maybe spending a little less time together, but he said he didn’t think that would make me happy (although he never let me have a discussion about this…it was all based on his assumptions). I should also add that he has a lot of family issues, and he’s underperforming in his career, which has led him to seeing a counselor. He also works on issues in the relationship through the counselor.

    Basically, with this kind of a situation, what no contact length would be best? He seemed like he regretted breaking up before even doing it, but he also seems to have some hangups about living together, which is sort of a dealbreaker because I want to one day get married. I cried a little during the breakup, but I was very supportive overall (did not yell, did not try to convince him). I started NC right away (his number is out of my phone and safely tucked away in a drawer) and it’s been 9 days so far with nothing from him. As suggested, I’m taking the time to work on myself – hitting up the gym more, working on my career and seeing a counselor myself to help identify some of my negative relationship patterns.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 9, 2017 at 12:08 pm

      Hi Tara,

      Do at least 30 days. It looks like it’s not the right time to move in together yet and he’s starting to get suffocated. If you get back together, have your own routine. Check the link below:
      EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?

  5. B

    February 21, 2017 at 6:21 pm

    2 years, on and off but never official. He would go from telling me he loved me, to not being sure, to finally saying it was platonic. At the very end, he friend zoned me. We would meet up once a week to “spend time” (sex) and then go about our business. He was my best friend but I wasn’t ok with this. I was CONSIDERING entering in NC due to him friend zoning me, but he went back to his ex. Less than a week later (yesterday) he let me know he left her for good. Today he told me he can’t be friends with me anymore because he wants t break the cycle, he’s dating someone new (a week after “dumping” me and two days after dumping his ex), and we were just “best friends who banged”. I want to enter NC, partially because i’m stupid enough to want him back but also because i want to heal. Should I block him during NC? If my current goal is to win him back? I have never done NC and never blocked him, but knowing him he will prob react badly, block me back, and move on with his life. We already are not on each other’s social media pages so the only contact we have is text or email.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 22, 2017 at 8:45 pm

      HI B,

      you don’t need to block him, just be active in improving and healing yourself.. and in posting in social media..

  6. Sara

    February 21, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    My ex and I were together for 7 months, and on the Friday he came to visit (we’re at school 2 hours apart, but see each other every other weekend) and everything was fine & he was so in love with me and we were good. on Sunday he said he couldn’t talk a lot because he had a ton of midterms that coming week, so I gave him space, but we had quick little conversations throughout. that night he called (we call every night) and sounded off. he said he loves me but just doesn’t want a relationship right now. Monday I took the train down to see him. nothing changed for a few hours, and then when we were talking it was like something snapped and he kissed me and it was ok again. we got to his house and were talking and he said it scared him that at 19 he knew he wanted to end up with me, but that he’s only 19. what if he never has another first kiss, I’m his first girlfriend etc. then after more more talking he turned over and started kissing me (almost desperately) and apologizing and saying how stupid he was for thinking that because he only wants me and always will. then everything was fine after we slept together and the next morning it was good. then on our way to his class (I go to the lib) he seemed off again, and he said he just didn’t think he wanted a relationship. so I went back to his house because I felt sick. he got home tha night before my bus left and said he loves me so much but he doesn’t want a relationship right now. I cried and he apologized for hurting me and said he hopes I end up being the one. and then that night called me and apologized for hurting me and said he was hurting too and that he just doesn’t want a relationship right now but that he hasn’t stopped loving me. we talked a little the next day and he told me to trust in us because if we’re meant to be we will be and that he still loves me. then Friday he went out partying and again Saturday, but Sunday he texted me hoping I was doing well and having fun on my vacation and that his clothes smell like me and he misses me. then an hour later another text about how he hasn’t fallen out of love or stopped wanting/needing/missing me, but he doesn’t want a relationship right now. and then ended the text with an inside joke from one of our most romantic nights ever. then the next day he texted my name with a question mark. then a few hours later asking if I was ignoring him and he knows talking makes it harder on me, but that he misses my voice and it’s weird now because he’s starting to understand how permanent it is breaking up because he wanted to talk to me both days, but realized he can’t. and then said he won’t try to contact me again and hopes I’m well.
    what do I do? how can he love me and miss me but not want a relationship with me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2017 at 11:52 pm

      Hi Sara,

      I think he’s thinking like the grass can be greener. Are you doing the no contact rule? Check the link below:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

  7. Lana

    February 19, 2017 at 7:00 pm

    Hi EBR,

    With the no contact rule – should I let my ex know that I need some time apart? ie tip them off that I won’t be in contact anytime soon? Or should I just not tell them at all?

    Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2017 at 11:03 pm

      Hi Lana,

      better if you don’t..

  8. Craig

    February 19, 2017 at 2:45 pm

    Hi! My girlfriend broke up with me because I’m away on a holiday and she doesn’t trust me. We had argument which I called her immature and that she doesn’t trust me and has trust issues and then she then blocked me on all social media. It’s been 3 weeks since and had no contact at all. I saw her on the 21st day at a bar and people told me she’s been sleeping with other people. The next day I felt hurt and was sick to my stomach. I foolishly created another social media account (I know) and messaged her telling her I loved her and all the silly stuff I shouldn’t be saying. She obviously didn’t reply so I’m now starting another no contact for 30 days today. Have I ruined my chances? Also I was still blocked after 3 weeks then how can I get in contact with her starting a natural conversation? Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2017 at 10:32 pm

      Hi Craig,

      let’s take this 2nd no contact as a restart.. Be very active in improving yourself, be active in posting in your social media account, and look like you’ve accepted the situation and moving on.. If you’re still blocked after 30 days, set a limit on until when you’ll wait to be unblocked before moving on..

  9. Ellie

    February 18, 2017 at 2:51 am

    I was dating a guy for a couple of months when he broke it off saying he needed time for himself, and he didn’t get the real relationship-feelings with me. I was sad and a little angry at first, but texted him two days later just to let him know I wasn’t angry anymore. He replied, but I already initiated the no contact so I haven’t said anything to him since. A week after the “break up” I did make the mistake of unfriending him on Facebook. After 2,5 weeks of no contact, my best friend told me that she saw him at a party and he asked her how I was doing. I’m wondering why he might have done this, what can I read into it? It’s now been 3 weeks of no contact. What do I do when the no contact period is over? Is this a lost cause?

    1. Ellie

      February 21, 2017 at 11:20 am

      Hi again! Thanks for your reply. After doing some thinking I decided to do my own thing and ask him why he was talking about me. I got short, very immature and rude responses, and quickly realized this boy has no respect for me. I’m sure the no contact rule can work great if you’re really in it and willing to give it your all, but in this case, following my own gut led me to understand that I deserve and definitely want more. I hope girls and women out there still remember their own worth, and don’t chase disrespectful men like I did.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2017 at 11:30 pm

      Yes, don’t chase.. I agree with that

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2017 at 1:22 pm

      Hi Ellie,

      it can be just because she’s your friend and that’s one of the topics they can talk about or he’s wondering because he has hurt you.. were you active in improving yourself and in posting in social media in the last 3 weeks? If not you have to restart the count, and then initiate contact after to slowly rebuild rapport

  10. divya

    February 10, 2017 at 10:40 pm

    we were gud before he goes to his home town…but thn he started to act like too busy but he was not…..and whn ever I call it use to be waiting most of the time….he reduced the conversation…thn he came back even nw he is doin same…he does not cal if I didn call…I totally feel like he is avoiding me….and also it seems like he have new relationship…I want him back help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 10, 2017 at 11:43 pm

      Hi Divya,

      did you mean he’s cheating on you? How long is your relationship?

  11. Freya

    February 9, 2017 at 7:39 am

    My boyfriend told me he is dating someone else and needs time to end it. It can be up to a year he says because he doesnt love her but care about her and doesnt want to hurt her. In the meantime he wants us to continue as we are. We are in a long distance relationship and he lives close to her. We had a huge argument over it . I tried the no contact for 2 days but he messaged me saying he misses me and needs me as i am his best friend. I am honestly confused. He gets jealous if i see anyone else. Not sure if the no contact will drive him away as that’s not what i want

    1. Freya

      February 11, 2017 at 10:41 pm

      Hi
      We have been dating for just over a year. He texted me to say he knows my worth and he wants whats best for us but he was dating this girl before me. So he just needs time to end it because i am the one he wants. I think he has commitment issues because he refuses to call her his girlfriend. He says thats what i am. He literally got angry recently when he foumd out i went on a date with an ex amd said i was deceitful for doing it. Would the no contact rule help? I am so confused. I have been working on myself as well. Just scared that i might lose him.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 13, 2017 at 5:21 pm

      oh freya.. but what if that’s what’s he’s telling with the other girl too? And actually, you should have left him or at least started nc right after you knew that, because whether the nc helps or not, the longer you stay, the more you’re telling him that what he’s doing is ok and you’re also not respecting yourself by doing that..

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2017 at 6:18 pm

      Hi Freya,

      how long have you been dating him? It’s going to take a year to leave the other girl? He’s just stringing you along. Of course he would be jealous, that’s being possessive. If you continue to allow a person to treat you that way, why would he stop doing it?

  12. Sandra

    February 8, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    Hello. My boyfriend and I had been together for a little over a year but have known each other for 4 years. On 2/1/17, he said he wanted to talk to me about how recently he’s been thinking about how we bicker and get snippy with each other too often and it had exhausted him. We promised each other we were going to work on it, but I guess it bothered him that much. He said he wanted some space so I thought the weekend of 2/4/17-2/5/17 would be enough for him. After the weekend past, he said he loves me but not like he used to. The bickering had exhausted him and fed him up he said. We eventually talked it out and we both agreed we need to have time to ourselves and not rely on each other for happiness but be our own happiness. I told him “good luck. I hope maybe a month or two down the road we will be able to have happy times again. I will always have a place in my heart for you ” He said, “same to you. If you ever need me you know where I’m at.” After that messaged I have decided to do the 30 day no contact. I still have stuff of his and so does he but I think i’ll wait it out until the end of the 30 days. Should I call him after the no contact period to meet up in person? My question is, should I do the 21 or 30 day? I feel very terrible at the moment. I feel like this man is my soulmate and potential husband.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2017 at 5:45 pm

      Hi Sandra,

      Nope, don’t call right away.. Be active in improving yourself during and after nc and in posting in social media. And then slowly build rapport after nc through texts first, and then calls and then meet ups.

  13. Mali

    February 1, 2017 at 6:18 pm

    Hello. My ex and I have had a 4 plus year relationship, no contact has worked before in troubling times- but…a phone call worked vs a text-I just called him up after 30 days. However the last time we fussed, the text method worked (last year). We broke up 45 days ago and he is not responding to my text. I’m too afraid of rejection to call him. Yet, I have hope! Any suggestions?

    1. Lauren

      February 5, 2017 at 5:41 am

      This is a testimony of how the advice on this website works! That, and I believe in manifestation..
      The universe collided and I met a man whom I had an instant connection with. The feeling between us is a primal, magical, and indescribable connection. He agreed. Though we dated for a very short period, the relationship instensified very quickly. Then like a light switch, my hero turned from HOTTT to cold. He started withdrawing; responding to texts/calls the next day, not calling when he said he would, and the final straw was cancelling New Year’s Eve plans at the last minute. I gave him a matter of fact feedback that I don’t tolerate that type of behavior, and therefore wouldn’t stick around. His response was shocking– He said that he absolutely was NOT looking to be in a relationship and couldn’t give me what I deserve at the moment. And he thought we were “just having fun”. Well, admittingly so I had set the tone for this “having fun only” and he took it and ran with it! Having fun does not constitute not valuing me or my time, and that is the message I want to get across to him. He is younger than me, and very career focused. He is not at the place financially and successfully where he wants to be. So, I get it. —–Well, it had been a month and neither of us reached out to one another. I received a couple of blocked call hang ups, but that was the extent of it. In the last week, I felt like I was starting to unravel, and the missing him was taking way more precedent than saying goodbye and moving on. I literally the night before was up late tossing and turning. I got online and read articles (this site) about the 30 day no contact rule. I read, and the words and explanations behind why the 30 day no contact period were very comforting to me. The suggestion to take it to 45– even 60 were benchmark goals that I was going to try.
      —-That was until, I received a text message from him tonight (less than one day later!), that “I just wanted to say hi, I hope you’re having a good new year). I was and am shocked and blown away. I have yet to respond, and a couple of hours later he followed up with “you deserve it.” And the point of me walking away is because I know my standards and how I deserve to be treated, no matter how crazy I am about someone. So a great big thank you to this site for helping me get through a tough period. Your expert advise absolutely holds true in my case 100%.
      — Now any ideas on how to respond!? (Yes, I read all about the rapport building/facilitating recovery). Thanks a billion again!!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 5, 2017 at 9:02 pm

      Hi Lauren,

      check this one:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 2, 2017 at 4:44 pm

      Hi Mali,

      the more you do no contact, the less it will work.. how much did you improve this time and how many times have you texted? what did you text too?

  14. Yvonne

    February 1, 2017 at 8:38 am

    Hi, last Thursday I tried to call my boyfriend, but he started to ignore my calls, then I found he blocked me on Facebook, but the last time we talked on Wednesday we are still happy and were planning to see each other on Thursday, then I freaked out, I used my friend’s number to call him, he picked up and said he is out of town, we cannot meet, then he ended the call, and texted me said he doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Then I called a few times using my own number, he then blocked my number. I asked his friend what happened to him, and write something said we are breaking up and asked his friend to show him, his friend ended up blocking me as well. I don’t know what happen at all, I asked another friend of him, that friend try to call, no pick up.
    Actually he left me like this before once, like disappeared, but I sent him message on WhatsApp and Facebook messenger, he never replied but in around 21 days he relied and we were back together, Then I started being so caring about him, support him, and I felt he is more happy and comfortable with me day by day, but suddenly one day like this, and I don’t know why? He also owes me $6100, I want it back so bad, should I start to NC rule? Should I ask him my money during My NC rule taking? Or should I ask him that after 30 days? I am so worried about my money actually. Please help! It is now 4 days we haven’t contacted each other (he blocked me on phone, Facebook and WhatsApp)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 1, 2017 at 3:08 pm

      Hi Yvonne,

      it’s ok to find a way to contact him about your money but for me you should move on from him.. But of course, dont give up getting your money back

  15. Louriz Samonte

    January 29, 2017 at 10:23 am

    I cheated on my girlfriend but it was just a sort of fling. no emotional attachment and nothing happened but my ex found out because she saw our conversation in facebook. It was my 2nd time doing this to her and I don’t know what to do. I love her so much and I said my apologies and i am willing to work on it and change but she says that we could only be friends and that no matter what happens we will just stay as friend. She says that she is not closing her door in our relationship because she doesn’t know what is going to happen in the future. What should i do? It was less that a week since we broke up and we are going through the same class every single day

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 29, 2017 at 1:50 pm

      Hi Louriz,

      Are you a guy or a girl? Dont worry, we dont discriminate lgbt brothers and sisters here.. It’s just that if you are a guy, we also have another site for guys.. I’ll link it at the end of this comment.. but either way, you can check the other link too about cheating.

      Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

      http://www.exgirlfriendrecovery.com

  16. Misha

    January 26, 2017 at 12:14 pm

    I was dating a girl for 3.5 years. Last half a year she was really hard for us, because we both got new Jobs. We practically hadn’t had time for each other and we decided to broke up, because there was no relationship in our relationship anymore. It was in September.
    We we’re sometimes speaking to each other, but not much. I tried no contact rule in December.

    In early January I asked her out. She said that although it’s sad, it’s a bit to late and she decided to move on. And she said that she isn’t exactly alone anymore.
    I replied that I’m ain’t alone either. But it just not the same. That was the last time we talked. I unfriended her on Facebook, after that she completely blocked me on Facebook.

    I feel so sad that we broke up. It was a crisis in our lives, and we just needed to wait it out. The crisis has passed, but we aren’t together anymore. And I don’t know what to do. I still love her.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 26, 2017 at 1:17 pm

      Hi Misha,

      how many days did you do nc and was your first contact to meet her?

  17. Sally

    January 25, 2017 at 3:25 am

    Hi, its been 2 and a half months since me and my bf broke off, i did limited contact for a time, we work together, After 2 weeks we went to the christmas party together and after we slept together. He said he was sorry he broked up and all. He was more open with me and he talked to me for like 5 days and after that he went cold and said it was wrong to see each other and what we did was not ok. I told him that maybe we should see each other and see what happens since what happened after the christmas party and everything he said after and since he wanted to see me and i wanted to see him too. We had dinner few days after that, great night, best time since a long time even when we were together, ended up talking in his car and also kissing. The days after he was clearly open to me and more flirty at the job. A week after that night, i told him that when we were to see each other again we couldnt kiss and he could only have a hug. After that everything turned to a mess. We met for an hour only to go ice skating, then i returned home. When i asked him why we couldnt see each other more, he said that we could see each other a bit but not too much. Then when i talked about the fact that we had a super great night and that we agreed to see each other to see what would happen between us… he just said that we could have some few fun evenings but nothing more and that it was over between us. Then we had kind of a fight. Now we talked a bit and are officially friendly again but, he doesnt talk to me the same, he acts frustrated sometimes, like he doesnt care for me at all. Last week i had an advantage and now i feel like im a big poop for him lol. Should i do another no contact? Can it really help at this points and more importantly its been more than 66 days and he could easily not care about me anymore. Im not sure what to do next. Also, ive done the improving myself, inner self and outside also, doing more things with friend etc etc. He seemed to have liked how i cared for myself since he said he wanted me.. the attraction is there without doubt but he says theres nothing more. It was going ok but if it becomes a lil complicated he seems to back off. I want to rebuilt the attraction and feelings between us but i dont know how to make him feel for me again and kind of chase me again.

    Thank you for your help!

    1. Sally

      May 24, 2017 at 2:19 pm

      Hi amor!
      Me and my ex were getting friendly more and more. I texted him often, without him ever texting me first, but he was responsive and friendly and it went well. The probleme is i think i went too far. After the texting he began to act really different at work, really friendly, smilling, like he was super exited to see me. I continued to text him after that and maybe i came up as needy and now half of the time i texted him he seemed not interested and the two last times we worked togheter he was not nice and exited as he was the time before. He s like that since like a week. I stopped texted him monday (we talked like everyday or every other day). Im gonna try not texting him but im not sure how long.. for a week? or till he texts me? Also we work togheter friday night so ill see how he act after i did not text him for a week. Im not sure how to plan things for now. Maybe less texting and improve the real face to face interaction?

      Still being active and improving, posting interesting things on fb etc etc

      thanks amor

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 26, 2017 at 5:59 pm

      that’s good that you’re active.. try a week or two..

    3. Sally

      March 10, 2017 at 1:41 pm

      Hi amor,
      I did the limitd contact correctly, being indeferent and all. The texts were yesterday and the day before and it was maybe 7 or 8 texts not more. I did 30 days straight with limited contact and quick polite respond, not talking to him first and no texts. When I was like that to him he seemed to noticed and it seemed to affect him in the way it should. Thats why I dont know what to do now. Its like its doing its effect but not enough to change his mind … like I explained to you in the last comment.

      I played the ungettable girl very well and I saw the effect it did on him, he stared at me at work like a beatten dog, like he was sad, sometimes like he was attracted to me.

      Now that he said we cant be friend to each other and not see each other in the near future because it would be complicated, I think hes attracted to me and he misses me and he knows it could compromise his decisions and risk messing him up. Im not sure there is something more I can do. Except to still be a ungettable girl while being more friendly at work and try to make him miss me enough so that hell be more open to me. There s a wall he keeps between us and I dont know how im gonna break it.

      Thanks amor

      Sally

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 13, 2017 at 4:18 pm

      Ah ok that’s good..You dont have to restart nc then but you have to be patient..It will really take time. That’s right continue being a ungettable girl. You might be right that he’s attracted to you, he’s just afraid.. So, continue being nice but not all over him..

    5. Sally

      March 9, 2017 at 8:29 pm

      Hi amor,
      I did the 30 days of limited contact. In the last week i tried to be more friendly and he seemed responsive. Also I saw he made efforts in the last month to be friendly with me at work, his attitude was more positive. I tried few small casual text messages, the respond was neutral. Today he made me understand by text that he did not want to see me outside of work because i reminded him that we agreed before to smoke a cigare togheter. I asked him why and he said that it was too complicated, maybe one day he said. I dont know what to do because ive been doing what i had to do and it seemed to work.. like littles things to remind him of the things he liked about me, photos on facebook. I did nothing direct, but small things. Also I improve my health and appearances and i can tell he noticed. Its like if I make him feel attracted or if i make him feel anything he backs of because he feels he has to put a wall between us. I dont know what to do. Its like im just torturing him for nothing and he just feel the need to be cautious, hes not letting me in, he s tuborn that leaving me was the best thing and I dont know how to switch that now. Anything special that could help?

      I know you have a lot of comments to answer to, thanks a lot for all your work and taking the time, its really appreciated.

      Sally

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 7:39 am

      Oh no.. I hate to say this because this is your 2nd nc right? It looks like you did it wrong. Limited means you only talk to him if he approaches you at work but you have to give polite but short and direct replies.. You’re not suppose to text.. He has to see you’re starting a new life and not trying to remind him of old times.. Your improvements and indifference will raise the chance of him regretting leaving you because you’re just moving on and massively improving like an ungettable girl.. It’s either you do one last 30 days,.massively improve and date others or move on..

    7. Sally

      February 1, 2017 at 5:25 pm

      Hi, its been hard at work, we work in the same team. Hes been unjust and rude to me some times since the last time. He s not friendly like before. I had to send him a message and tell him to respect me and that he cannot act like that. he just replied ok. I dont know how to deal with the whole thing and i broke limited contact while saying that. I dont even know if there s anything that can happen now, 2 weeks ago he was friendly and did not act like that. I want to stand up for myself but I m not sure whats best.

      sally

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 2, 2017 at 4:36 pm

      that’s ok..just restart the count and be more active in something else and with somebody else

    9. Sally

      January 25, 2017 at 4:46 pm

      Also, you are right, I did very look like I still wanted him since i said that we should see each other and see if something can happen… and after that it was like being rejected by him all over again . Also I told him that I missed him and really wanted to be friends, I didnt think it was a mistake at the time.

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 26, 2017 at 11:51 am

      I think you should restart the count of 30 days and yes ignore him. If he initiates, be civil and polite.. Continue improving yourself, have a new routine..After that slowly, little by little be more friendly with him at work

    11. Sally

      January 25, 2017 at 4:36 pm

      So, if i understand correctly, I just act like I dont care at all? I dont pay attention to him at work, no text, no facebook? Also if it doesnt do anything in 2 to 3 weeks, do I try to text him again like after the no contact rule, or I stay low profile until, and if , he makes a move toward me? And if he doesnt just move on…

      Thanks for you help

    12. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2017 at 3:20 pm

      Hi Sally,

      is it obvious that you still like him? because if it is, theb there’s no chase even if you improved..

  18. Lien

    January 24, 2017 at 6:47 pm

    My girlfriend left me for someone else 1 month ago.
    Is it possible to start the no contact rule 1 month after break up? Because we can talk (with periodes in between where she ignores me) but we can still hang out like before. Will the no contact rule not drive her more and more into the arms of that other girl?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2017 at 1:28 pm

      Hi Lien,

      if she’s ignoring you, you’ll look like chasing and pushing her to get back with you.. there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but you have to remove yourself from being the chaser, especially if she left you for somebody else

  19. bob

    January 24, 2017 at 12:28 am

    My girl left me because i was telling my problems to her mom and her friend, and all her friends and family found out and it was damn embarassing. I did so because she’d always breakup and things would get worse and i needed advice. Anywyas, I learned my lesson….She broke up and i spent a month trying to fix etc and she doesnt want to. Last week we had agreed we’d go out to make some good memories before I part ways, we went out and we held hands….and hugged and stuff, we were suppose to go out next day but she cancelled. couple days later she calls, i call her back and says was a mistake…day later i text her asking how she is etc, mid way when i asked her lets meet up tomororw, she went to bed and woke up next day early morning, but only replied late in afternoon with excuse to cancel. I replied by midnight telling it is okay and havent heard from her since then. What do you advise

    1. Bob

      January 25, 2017 at 12:44 am

      Ofcourse I do, i havent contacted her in 4 days, do i keep going? do i do anything different? I was thinking of meeting up to tell her i accept the breakup and cant be friends and just leave to regain some power and being no contact or shuold i just keep going

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2017 at 3:03 pm

      there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but if you really want her to think you’ve accepted the break up, just contnue on on nc and be active in improving yourself

    3. Bob

      January 25, 2017 at 12:35 am

      Will it work? I havent been speaking to her for 4 days now…..

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 1:46 pm

      HI Bob,

      Do you want to try the advice above?

  20. Jane

    January 17, 2017 at 9:42 pm

    Hi,
    I’m on day 11 of NC. I had several texts that I ignored 2 days in and then he text me and said he wasn’t going to text me anymore and I knew where he was if I needed him. Fast forward a week and he is bombarded me with texts, asking me how I am, why I’m not talking to him, to let him know if I don’t want him to message me, are we working towards being friends etc. Proper guilt trip stuff and I caved and sent back “I just need a little bit of space at the moment”. I had got to the point where my anxiety was sky high (I’m seeing a counsellor to help me deal with it anyway) I thought it was worth a reply. The problem is that he says he respects that and has continued to text. I’ve had four messages since I sent that today. What do I do? Do I have to start NC again? I’m being positive and working on me but the constant texts is frustrating especially as I know it’s because he has no control over the situation. We were together 15 months and he broke up because he said he was in love with me but didn’t fancy me anymore and is depressed.
    Thanks

    1. Jane

      January 18, 2017 at 9:43 pm

      Hi Amor, I told him yesterday I need some space and the messages keep coming. I’ve had more today asking him how I am and question marks. Do I tell him again or just carry on with no contact?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 19, 2017 at 6:23 pm

      just carry on with no contact..

    3. Jane

      January 17, 2017 at 11:13 pm

      Thank you Amor. I’ve read about the texts that I need to send when NC ends. How do I respond if he asks why I was ignoring him? I’m working on me, I’m decorating my flat to make it feel more like a home so I feel settled, I’m learning to cook and I’ve taken up running to work out my frustration. I’m feeling positive. It’s just hard with the constant bombardment of messages. Do you think he’s doing it for control or because he genuinely misses me?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2017 at 1:06 pm

      let’s say he misses you..tell him you toon time to put yourself first..

    5. Jane

      January 17, 2017 at 10:11 pm

      And I must add that I’ve not replied to any of the 4 messages after I told him I needed space 🙂

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 17, 2017 at 9:58 pm

      I think you can just continue, just dont reply again

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