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Kat
September 28, 2013 at 5:19 pm
Chris,
I am trying so hard on the no contact and I am not contacting him. It lasted a day this last time. He texted in the am and when I didn’t respond he continued throughout the day and then called several times in between. It was really making my day miserable at work but I knew it was going to be hard. He is in a new relationship so I’m not sure why he is acting a little crazy to get a hold of me. The straw that broke the camels back is when he sent a text that he needed me to call him ASAP and that he really needed to talk to me. I failed and responded only to find out that he was fine he was just having a bad day at work and needed to hear my voice. I had the discussion that He can’t do that. He apologized he just freaked out. He said he feels we need to keep the lines of communication open so that we can hopefully be together in the future. He wants to share everything with me in regards to his new relationship and thinks that will bring us closer together in the future. I know I need to stick to the no contact rule but I can’t have him acting like he did this last time. It’s really interfering with me being able to move forward. Please help why is he doing this and how do I get thru 30 days without going crazy? He to me is not following what you have described especially being in a new relationship. You think he really wouldn’t be talking to me!
admin
September 30, 2013 at 12:06 am
A lot of discipline. I have found making myself so busy that I don’t have time to talk to someone is the best way to get through a NC.
Kat
September 28, 2013 at 5:31 pm
Also I have been working on me the past 5 weeks that we broke up and I have come to terms with the situation. I have been positive and leaving emotions out of it. He even asked me to go out last night and then chickened out. He then got in a fight with the girlfriend and reached out to me at 3:30 in the morning. I need to start the no contact again however I feel like I’m in a better place. He is the one struggling and said that it hurts him that I’m ok with being friends. He feels if we go out and he sees me it will hurt too much. I have never had an issue doing me. Before we broke up I have recently lost 32 pounds, I exercise almost everyday, and I play soccer 2 nights a week. I go out with friends and have been on a date. I am in the best personal shape of my life. My ex however I feel is the one who needs to focus on him and I had even advised him that he wanted to compare the differences between dating me and another girl so now he is. I said to him that he is going to see things he likes with both of us and some that he doesn’t and he needs to determine what will make him happy. He is having a real hard time with this all and wants to give it 6 months for us to be apart. He feels if we can make it as friends during this time then we will have a good chance to start over. I haven’t read any posts that resemble my situation. I just need some guidance. Sorry this is so long,
admin
September 30, 2013 at 12:10 am
So, he wants to take a six month break. Well, I say take it. And apply the NC rule.
Lauren
September 28, 2013 at 6:19 am
Hi Chris,
I broke up with my boyfriend 4 days ago and I came across your website the first day after we broke up so I immediately started my no contact period. The thing is before we broke up, he bought me a birthday gift, which is pretty expensive. I insisted on returning it to him even though he told me to keep it. Now I am just wondering if mailing him back the gift would break the no contact rule?
Need your advise!!
admin
September 29, 2013 at 11:42 pm
I don’t think so! You can mail it back if you want.
Brooke
September 27, 2013 at 3:31 pm
My bf of 1 ye broke up with me a few weeks ago based on financial reasons. He’s been looking for a job for almost a year and said that he just can’t give me everything he wants- that I should go out, have fun and I’ll be the first to know when he gets back on his feet. After break up, he emailed a response to a love letter I had written before and said he was so happy about how I felt, he felt the same, but that the past year he hasn’t been the himself due to his financial situation, how sad this made him and reiterated that we could try again when he gets it together. After a few emails, I stopped but told him I wasn’t “not talking to him” but we had said everything and I still believed in him. He now texts every weekend about football (seemingly casual but that connection was the reason we started dating). I have responded to his texts but kept it casual and strictly about football. Now I’m feeling extremely hurt and frustrated that he is keeping contact this way. I’ve been good about going out with friends etc and overall keeping just- but was thinking that no contact is best to show him it’s not ok to just be buddy buddy. At the sane time, I’m worried he’ll stop contacting me altogether and just assume he’s right that I’m better off without him. Should I do no contact or try to keep communications open? His bday is in a few weeks so I considered NC until telling him Happy Birthday- just scared of repercussions.
StuckInLove
September 28, 2013 at 8:09 pm
I’ve been dwelling on this for a bit now, and it’s certainly an interesting spot you’re in. Clearly he’s very insecure and feels he’s failed you as a man, he can no longer provide for you and give you everything he wants. So subconsciously he’s removed himself out of fear you’d eventually leave him for a higher value man. The good news is that you can feel confident that a man without confidence or self-esteem is not going to pursue other girls any time soon and they’re certainly not going to come seeking him.
I considered if you stayed in limited contact and maybe found a couple job opportunities to pass along as a friend every week or so, but he clearly feels that this is something he has to do on his own to regain his masculinity/self-worth. So helping him or trying to make him feel better about his situation is only going to make him feel more pathetic that he can’t solve his own problems or even take care of himself.
It MUST be a male friend or role model that snaps him out of this rut. Someone he can relate to and not feel as embarrassed to confide in (as he does with you because he loves you and doesnt want to show weakness). If his male friends like you and want you two to work out, think about which one is the happiest in his life and capable of giving him some tough love. Maybe someone he looks up to or may see as the man he wants to be. Talk to them about it privately, in person if you can. So he’s less likely to find out and get the wrong ideas etc. There’s no sugar coating it. He’s a man and he needs to “man up.” A woman doesn’t care if you have a job now or not as long as you’re confident and happy with yourself, positive/ambitious/optimistic about the future, and treat her well (clearly you’ve proved that). He needs to realize his worth as a person, accept that life’s not easy, set some goals and begin working to achieve those goals. He’s throwing himself a pity party and the more you and everyone else continues to feed into it, baby him, etc. the longer he’s going to allow it to go on.
Get his friends to give him a reality check/confidence boost however they can. Also, I know you love him, but if this isn’t something he can overcome soon. There’s no need for you to sit around and wait. He left because he knows it’s selfish to make you sit around when he can’t love you before he learns to love himself. Go no contact for 30 days. You owe it to yourself. Give him the space he needs to come to terms with reality, realize what he still has to lose, and motivate him to make a change in his life. He’s being lazy and unmotivated right now and everyones feeding it instead of leaving him. Feast or famine. He wants to do this on his own. Let him. Better yet, make him!
You’ll respect him more in the long run, and it will give you time to think and maybe realize that you were putting in more than you ever got out of the relationship and deserve more. Casually date a little. Nothing serious. Just meet new people.
Good luck. Hope this helps!
admin
September 28, 2013 at 3:11 am
He probably felt bad about not having a job :/.
I would actually say that you shouldn’t contact him on his birthday. Do it after his birthday. Just my two cents.
StuckInLove
September 27, 2013 at 4:54 am
Hey Chris, I wanted to say I appreciate the work you do on here and reading about similar situations online has really been helping me with my 30 days NC! Im 11 days strong! It’s been extremely tough with good and bad days, but I never let it show publicly. The worst is having no indication of how she is, what shes doing or if she misses me at all. Our final interactions she was very cold and awkward, but I’m hoping to receive at least one message by the 30 day mark to at least know she’s still thinking of me and maybe where I stand.
Long story short, my gf and I dated a little over 2 years, lived together for 1. Over time I think she was so negative and unhappy with her personal life and I felt she resented me for mine (among other things) that I lost attraction and in turn stopped working at keeping hers and the passion alive. I really should have initiated a break myself earlier (and it may have turned around our relationship), but we were both kind of stuck financially and I wasn’t “unhappy”. So I let it go on. Like most couples in this spot we had little/no communication which was main culprit. Then, later down the road we get in some small stress induced fights, I apologize 2 days later, and the next day she shocks me by telling me she doesnt love me anymore and we need to break up. She packs her stuff and leaves without hesitation. The first couple days I was perfect (youd think I’d done it before). I was so shocked by the words that I literally said “okay… and went back to sleep.” The next few days were great I was working a lot and felt relieved like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders. Then I hit rock bottom. I chased, did text terrorism, pushed to be friends too soon etc. (trying to rush things before I lost her for good. and we were each other’s “firsts” so you can probably understand my fears :/) all for about 3 weeks-month after the breakup.
I realized I was losing her more each day and needed help. So I took the the web, started learning and set a plan. I’ve gone through what feels like a complete emotional and spiritual transformation since then. I’ve grown so much mentally, realizing everything that went wrong in the relationship, things I wanted for us now, and getting back out and enjoying life, etc. I love so much about my ex and I see a future for us now I never saw before, but with all of the growth and reflection I’ve gone through I dont know if, given the chance, I’ll be able to take my ex back in the end. I’ll probably initiate after 30 days even if I dont hear anything, but if she hasn’t matured, taken some personal responsibility, or used this time to heal too (instead of just acting out immaturely as I fear she has…) then I see us ending up right back here again and I’ll have to make the tough decision and walk.
Stay strong everyone! Remember that 30 days is more for you than it is for them! Don’t let them or thoughts of them ruin a good day for you. Keep growing mentally and physically. Get outside and just keep livin.
admin
September 28, 2013 at 2:41 am
Hi there!
I am glad you commented. Man, I am actually creating a site for people in your exact situation. Unfortunately, I will be working on it next year.
You actually look like you have a pretty good grasp of everything. And I am glad you had the guts to comment. Do you need my help with anything in particular?
StuckInLove
September 28, 2013 at 7:31 pm
Thanks Chris. I hope I have a good grasp by now after spending so much time reading everything I can get my hands on and processing my situation ha. Call me crazy, but I actually find it quite fascinating and the more I can learn now, even if I don’t get back with me ex, the better off I’ll be in future relationships! I guess the only thing I could gauge your thoughts on right now would be in terms of the time it may take my Ex to switch gears from that negative perception of me (as in even though she misses me sometimes she still feels im bad for her and she made the right move) to a more positive one where she’s more curious about me now and reconsidering bringing me back into her life…
I know that recently she’s been doing a lot of things like mani/pedi, spa day with sister, spending time with family etc. as opposed to going out with friends a lot like she was right after the breakup. Im thinking this is a good sign that maybe that initial excitement of being newly single is starting to fade and she’s beginning to think and feel more emotional about her decision and loss. What would you say are the stages of grief or regret for the “dumper” over time?
admin
September 30, 2013 at 12:17 am
Yes, sometimes it takes a while for someone to realize that their world with you was a whole lot better than their world without.
StuckInLove
October 1, 2013 at 7:43 pm
I wanted to follow up with some recent developments. I’ve come to the sad realization that my ex is really going through GIGS (Grass is Greener Syndrome) and has changed her lifestyle (partying, “good girl gone bad”-her words… etc) and seems happy with this exciting, new, free and single college experience (that she was never able to have with me as we were together since late high school). With every day I don’t hear from her and see less signs of missing me in her online posts, I feel that I should just walk away in 2 weeks when my 30 days NC are up. People say GIGS takes minimum of 6 months and usually years for her to realize it’s a phase, not really “greener”, and she finally wants and feels ready for a romantic relationship. Also, that she’s simply not mature enough to have a loving relationship yet and can’t appreciate me or love until she dates other guys (which I agree too but that doesnt have to mean hooking up). Id like to think that she’s taking this time to get her life together and maybe even casually date to see what else is out there (and eventually realize what we had), but the realism is that she is immature and she is most likely just acting out, endlessly flirting, and hooking up with every guy she’s attracted to just to get it out of her system. And if thats the case I couldn’t take her back or trust her again no matter how much I still love her.
My question for you Chris though is do you think it’s still worth me pursuing with my text plan once NC ends if theres little indication that she misses me/us, is curious about the new me, want’s to reconnect with me, or even date any guy seriously?
The more I read about GIGS the more I want to tell myself to just walk away and accept that we simply met at the wrong time in our lives, this was likely to happen no matter what I did, and this is the best thing for her right now (even if she’ll come to regret it and want me back a long time from now). I guess when it comes down to it I have nothing more to lose, because if I walk away and do nothing to try to pull her back then I forget her completely in time and don’t take her back whenever she does eventually try to contact me. And if I go against all odds and attempt to contact her and compete for her heart again too early in this transition period for her then I still lose her.
My only other thought was to maybe send a hand written letter after 30 days acknowledging and accepting her need to experience this and grow/mature etc and wish her well while encouraging she use it to make smart and responsible decisions (instead of just feeding her immaturity by acting like a slut, etc.) Which could lead her to some self reflection and possibly give us a slight chance in the future depending on how she acts and how quickly. Note: No matter what I wont take her back if she tells me she’s just used this time to hook up with a bunch of guys etc. That is not a requirement to the college growth experience (I didnt do it) and I’m not going to be someones fallback when they finally get tired of other guys and want to feel something again.
She finally moved into her own apartment today (with a female friend) for the first time ever as she shared an apartment with me straight out of her parents. So I am hoping that maybe the next couple weeks will be somewhat of a rude awakening and inspire some loneliness when she see’s what living on your own really is. Also, she goes to community college which ironically has little sense of “community” not to say that will keep her from meeting and hanging out with guys because I know it wont. Anyway, just my two cents. To anyone else who thinks they may be dealing with a GIGS ex google it and read the signs. Basically if they were deprived of early life experiences or the typical college experiences, barely dated, dont really know what they want for their life, and now feel theyve committed too early and need to need to explore and experience this in their young 20s before they can know what they want.
admin
October 2, 2013 at 1:02 am
Grass is greener syndome. I like that. I may steal that haha.
I do still think that going through with the texting plan is the way to go. If it doesn’t work then we can adapt.
Andy
September 27, 2013 at 4:50 am
I lied, I actually do have a few questions, but again I will try to keep this short. My ex and I dated for about 7 months. Our relationship was really happy. In fact, if anything I always kind of thought he loved me more than I loved him (he brought up marriage alot which was scary, and kept talking about future trips and plans and said the big L word first), I actually thought he was the one- I definitely took him for granted. Towards the last month I actually started to fall in love with him deeply but he got distant. One day out of no where he just txted me and told me it was over. No one saw it coming especially not me.His reasoning was “Ive felt the way I feel before with other exes and idk if this feeling will go away. I dont see a future with you.” That was a week and a half ago. I handled the break up very well. We exhanged our stuff two days after and I left him laughing instead of anger/sadness/etc. Afterall nothing is more attractive than a girl that can remain calm and composed in my opinion. Since then we have only spoke once however I think I blew it- it was yesterday. He asked a bunch of questions and carried on the convo but of course like an idiot I got confused as to why he was doing this and said “Please tell me if I cross any lines because I am unsure what I am and am not allowed to ask, but are we friends now? like have you moved on and all is good now- I guess I am asking because I want to know if the way I feel is normal or not” He didnt reply. I felt dumb so I sent a second txt being truthful (sorry if too much info)”sorry ignore that last txt, I am on my girl time and as you know a girls mind is a bit ridiculous during this week lol” still no reply. Since we broke up he has liked almost every pic I post on instagram however after yesterday he stopped liking any pics I post and I feel like I really blew it. Is there any hope.
admin
September 28, 2013 at 2:39 am
There is hope. You just have to understand that getting him back won’t happen overnight. Have you read my latest post?
Andy
September 28, 2013 at 3:17 am
yeah I understand that. I dont care how long it takes, I just want to do this right. I also have one more question. There is an event sunday that he will be at and I was invited to go as well and said I would be there, however I can not go if i need to. Would it look better if I go and be confident and do a simple smile and have a good time and he will see that or better for me to not go at all and him not see me?
admin
September 29, 2013 at 11:27 pm
I would go! And you are spot on about being confident and all that stuff if you go.
Andy
September 30, 2013 at 4:00 pm
So, I went. It was extremely fun and I made sure to leave early as well. He didnt speak to me but he did grab my cheek and try to dance with me after the event. Seeing him sucked in a way because Ive been doing good feeling wise and it made me fall in love with him all over again. Not to be cheesy but he is definitely one of those people who divide it from the time before you met them to the time after. I have never felt so far away from him until today. I know I will be fine without him, and I also know that I dont need him in order to be happy, but he makes me want to learn something new everyday just so if we get back together I can never get boring. And he makes me want to make myself pretty and happy. But I have never felt like it was really over for good until now. andddd I broke no contact and he wrote back and then I didnt reply and went to dinner with a guy friend and then replied later to his txt and he has ignored it since then. (not sure if going out to dinner with another guy had something to do with it even though hes just a friend.)I just feel like I blew it and I really feel like if he gave it a second shot our relationship would be extremely long lasting and good. I hate girls that ramble like I am so I apologize. I kind of just wanted to vent on here so I dont do it somewhere else. Ive never been so terrified that I lost him for good until now.
admin
October 1, 2013 at 3:18 am
No worries for rambling. Everyone has stuff they want to talk about and I understand that.
You didn’t blow it you just need to remain patient.
Andy
September 27, 2013 at 4:29 am
I am going to keep this short and simple- During the month of no contact, should you also go “mia” on social networks such as facebook and instagram? Or is it good for him to see posts from you?
Andy
October 2, 2013 at 1:56 am
welp, im back. I feel like for the most part I have handled our break up extremely well. For all he knows I feel like he thinks I am happy and moved on. Yeah I slipped on the no contact thing once but it wasnt with anything emotional or dramatic, and sunday I went to that event and he was there and was friendly to me and what not. We had agreed to remain friends after our break up and he liked almost every single instagram pic I posted and status I wrote on fabo (none of them relating to him or anything that may interest him). however after seeing him on sunday it is like he discovered this newfound hate for me or something. Or maybe it is just in my head but he stopped liking all my stuff, stopped giving me any sort of attention. It is like he is copletely fine and moved on and it sucks. I just found out that he is going on tour soon and my heart sank. I cant imagine who he will meet and I know I am fine without him but I still want him in my life because he encourages me to be the best me I have ever even known. I ont know what I did or why he randomly go distant but he did. It is like after he saw me he just decided I was scum or something. Atleas that is what it seems like because he distanced himself so far. I have not contacted him or heard from him in two days which I know is nothing but its something for him. I dont know what is going through his head. I want another chance and I am willing to do what it takes fo rit however i am simply terrified of the thought that the more time I go no contact he will slowly forget me and move on to another girl. Its so scary. Ive read everything you have written and I agree with it all and I am following it all however I have never felt so much doubt or distance from him until today. It is overwhelming. Is he really fine and dandy and moved on already? Sorry for all the emotions. I know guys hate that shit I just would rather lash them out here than anywhere else.
admin
October 3, 2013 at 12:22 am
You don’t have to apologize. I wish I knew how he was feeling exactly so I could tell you hahaha. One thing I know though is that sometimes these things just take time so I am going to give you the worst advice ever… be patient.
admin
September 28, 2013 at 2:38 am
No you shouldnt.
It is good for him to see posts from you but you can’t talk to him.
Mak
September 28, 2013 at 12:36 pm
But what if she has blocked me from social network sites.. I mean she herself blocked everything… and the last word she said is she hates me.. and I just cant stop loving her… what to do now?
admin
September 29, 2013 at 11:48 pm
Give her time. Feelings can change on a dime trust me (especially if it is a girl.) You can get back on social netowkrs after NC.
Haley
September 27, 2013 at 1:54 am
I got new phone, thus causing me to have to get a new number.
I sent out a group message to all my previous contacts, which included him just letting everyone know my new number..
Does that count for breaking the no contact rule?
I didn’t reply to any of his texts that came after that, and he got pretty upset but I resisted.
Do I need to start over on the 3o days?
admin
September 27, 2013 at 6:13 am
No that is a legitimate reason I think so you don’t have to start NC over again.
Bobby131
September 26, 2013 at 4:02 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex and I were together for 9 months. The first few months were absolutely amazing, then the last half of the relationship went back and forth. There were minor issues in our relationship that turned into enough negativity that it came down to her telling me, “I think we need to take some time to figure out what we both want, im not talking about a day or two, im talking about a month or two.”
She say’s with the problems we’ve had, that it’s hard to go backwards in our relationship, and her exact words were- “unless enough space brings us back together.” Does this mean that she is still emotially invested and wants to work out? What are you getting from this?
About a week after we split, I decided to look at a dating site, (not set up a profile) but just look and see what was out there, and believe it or not, I found HER profile. She told me that she was hurting and wanted something to do in the midst of our breakup. She said she doesnt want to go out on dates, but wanted some people to talk to. This obviously worries me that she might meet someone else and fall for them, all while im giving her space and waiting for her to come around.
It’s been close to a week and a half since the last time we talked and im going crazy. Do you recommend that I text or call to ask her out after the 30 day’s just to catch up?
admin
September 27, 2013 at 5:54 am
Yes I do recommend you finish out the 30 days.
After you finish though I don’t suggest you call out of the blue. Send a text and slowly build up to asking her out. Your chances of success increase that way.
Nadie
September 26, 2013 at 1:46 pm
Chris,
My ex and I broke up about five weeks ago (for a variety of reasons, none of them good). As part of the back story, we had been together for six years and were on the verge of getting engaged. He has been going through some hard things outside of our relationship(constructive demotion at work, forced move, hitting a major milestone birthday and something else that i can’t really put my finger on).
Prior to the break up he had been treating me pretty badly for a while – and he is currently “seeing” (or at least sleeping with) at least one other person since we broke up (if not before, it’s not entirely clear to me). Our relationship — up until about two months before we ended — was wonderful. Then he had a sudden personality shift that affected everything in his life, including our relationship, his friendships, his hobbies…When we broke up I pretty much backed him into a corner (due to how he had been treating me) and he told me that he “wanted to be on his own.”
Now, he is moving (out of the apartment we have shared for three years) to a different city – something that he doesn’t want to do. He wants to stay in my life and be–as he put it — “best friends” and then potentially “rekindle” if he can ever get there again. I want to be able to support him through this time period, because I truly care for him and don’t want abandon him (despite his actions). I think he needs a constant right now. Also, I’m not ready to let go. However, I know that we will need to do NC eventually, for both of our own good.
My question is: would you recommend starting NC immediately, even though he is struggling and moving to this new city on his own? Or, should I hold off until he is a bit more settled?
Thanks,
Nadie
admin
September 27, 2013 at 5:44 am
Hmm… this is a tough one but I say you should do NC.
Susan
September 26, 2013 at 2:54 am
My situation is a bit different, so I’m not sure if this plan will work…
I met Pete one weekend while he was on a break from his GF, I didn’t know it was just a break at the time. He seemed really interested, and I thought there actually might be something there. I took a 3 week trip and when I came back he was engaged to his ex. It lasted 2 weeks and he realized it wasn’t what he wanted.
I saw him the day after his breakup and he approached me saying that he thought the engagement might fix his relationship, but it wasn’t what he wanted and asked if he could just get to know me better. But I planned on moving in just 3 weeks to my home state. He set about changing my mind. After 3 weeks, I decided to stay and he went cold. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I stuck around, realizing I was “the rebound”. Then, as a single man, he started talking to another girl. He still texted and talked to me, and he would still sleepover. Until recently, this past weekend, he went home with her. He says she isn’t his GF and he still doesn’t want to be in a relationship. If I text or snapchat him. He always responds. Before he left with her, he even told me he wanted to go home with me and he cared about me, not her. But of course, his actions said something different since he left with her. I decided to nc him yesterday, but her car is at his house right now.
So can I, the former very temporary gf who was actually the rebound later turned into a fwb, get him back as a boyfriend using your suggestions? We’re just friends at the point, but I’m sure he thinks he can sleep over whenever he wants still. Trust me, now that I know they’re sleeping together, there is no chance, but he also isn’t asking for that with this new girl in his life.
Help!
admin
September 27, 2013 at 3:27 am
Before I say anything I want to ask you a question. By any chance have you read this page yet?
Someone
September 26, 2013 at 12:21 am
Hey Chris
I’m curious. What if both parties are using the NC tactic? What’s going to happen?
admin
September 26, 2013 at 3:28 am
Well, if you read my E-Book you would see that I always suggest you break NC after 30 days and begin the recovery process. But if both parties use it then its a NC war hahaha.
Someone
September 26, 2013 at 4:38 am
Hahaha it’s called the love game not for no reason! One more question: What if during the NC period the guy texted or called to say he regretted the breakup and wants a reconcile? Does the girl continue the NC till the end? Or there might be chance to reconcile straight away?
admin
September 27, 2013 at 3:47 am
I would take him back after all the point is to try to get him back. However, you have to understand there are sometimes risks with getting back together too soon.
Autumn
September 25, 2013 at 11:32 pm
How does the no contact rule work with long distance relationships?
admin
September 26, 2013 at 3:29 am
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-complete-guide-to-getting-an-ex-boyfriend-back-in-a-long-distance-relationship/
I would advise you read that page.
Sally
September 25, 2013 at 12:07 pm
i bumped into my ex again and i dropped him hoem and then we ended up kissing and i told him i still love him… he said he needed to get things out of his system.. and i asked him ‘do you think we will ever get back together?’.. he said ‘i wouldnt rule it out’ he is really hvaing his cake and eating it here, i.e. he knows thathe can have me whenever he feels like it and therefore it doesnt matter to him that we are not speaking… i have now changed my train times in order to prove i dont need to see and speak to him anymore. Do you think this will work? what do you think he really meant by what he said? was he just syaing that to tell me whta i wanted to hear?
admin
September 26, 2013 at 2:51 am
I can’t guarantee it will work all the time (noone can) but it has worked incredibly well for other people.
tina
September 25, 2013 at 7:38 am
we had a misunderstanding and had less contact for past 3 months.But he used to call me and something like hes missing me etc.Nowdays he ignored me and i askedwhether u hav a new galfriend.He said yes and he is going to propose her.I told lets reunite and marry.But he told he dont want me anymore and i got sad and cut the phone and blocked him.He tried calling 9 times the first day and just once the second day.After that no contacts frm his side.and I blocked him in fb also.Watto do.Is there any chance for him to come back.He might be chatting with his newgf 🙁
admin
September 26, 2013 at 2:47 am
You might want to read some of the other pages on this site.
Dan
September 24, 2013 at 9:06 pm
If she is texting me am I supposed to ignore it during NC? I wasn’t clear on that.
admin
September 25, 2013 at 1:16 am
Yea, you are supposed to ignore it haha.
Alexis
September 24, 2013 at 5:58 pm
What do you do if you and your ex have the same group of friends and hang out at all the same places? And what if I see him out or hanging out with our friends during the 30 days? Do I talk to him if he talks to me first, do I just steer clear of him?
admin
September 25, 2013 at 1:10 am
Do your best to steer clear of him.
Devon
September 24, 2013 at 5:50 pm
Hi
I just found your site and I’m so glad because it’s giving me the reinforcement I need. I’m a few days shy of the 30 day mark But there’s this feeling of wanting to respond. A little back story: we dated for 7 months and got engaged for a year. We were fighting alot and he didn’t want to schedule a day for wedding. We had some other issues so I left but did all the things you’re not supposed to. We talked when he called, I went back to see him and stayed with him. That went on for most of the year until last month I decided I was done responding cus nothing had changed. The first wk he wrote me and when I didn’t write back, he asked why and with no response he said he was going to call me but never did because he wrote again asking me for my number. Then he went silent until recently. He just wrote me as if nothing is wrong but the message is so vague and says nothing about how he feels. I went on my first date last week in 2 yrs and it was so nice. I guess I just want to know if I’m doing the right thing. I don’t know what comes after this but the NC period has helped me realize I want a guy who really wants me. I’m bummed cus I really thought he was the one and we would be married by now. Would appreciate any input and thoughts. Thanks.
Dev
admin
September 25, 2013 at 1:09 am
Yea, breakups suck don’t they :/.
What have you done during NC to evolve? What do you plan on texting him?
Devon
September 26, 2013 at 4:20 am
I’ve focused on my career and gotten back on my feet cus I gave up everything for him so it’s beena long journey to getting my career and life on track but I’m finally in a great place. I have my friends back and I’m taking care of myself. He wrote saying he’s in the state I live in but not where he is exactly. I feel like sending hima message would just open the door for a conversation that will lead no where. Sigh. I have no idea what to say to him text or otherwise but there is a pull to try to have us be in contact but maybe that’s just the little bit of hope I have left for us..
admin
September 27, 2013 at 3:43 am
What are your texts to him usually like?
Anna
September 24, 2013 at 11:16 am
Hey.. So I got together with my bf July last yr and broke up just before Xmas. He was wooing me for 5mths and he was all sweet and attentive. But after we got together, I realized he wasn’t all that interested in me anymore. Constant fights and cold wars led us to a break up. He prioritize his friends above me too. He continued his life as usual, picking up new hobbies. I guess he moved on pretty well. However,this yr he came looking for me right around his birthday in April. We patched things up and was OK for a while. Well.. until he started being cold and lose interest in me again. We went for trips together and all, but somehow I just can’t seem to be able to connect with him after we patched things up. Before the patch up, we talked and agreed on some ‘ground rules’. Seems like he threw everything out the window once he gotten that second chance.. why is he acting this way? Is the NC rule gonna be of any help with a guy like him? I’ve stopped all contact with him. But he is still on my twitter and I do check out his instagram and twitter alot..
admin
September 25, 2013 at 12:51 am
Yes, I would still implement it in your case.
Anna
September 25, 2013 at 1:57 am
thanks for your reply! appreciate it.. may I just ask another question.. What happens if at the end of the 30days NC, he moves on? I started this NC so I can keep my distance and make him initiate the first move to have a proper conversation. He hasn’t so far and have also stopped contacting me. Even locked up his instagram..
admin
September 26, 2013 at 2:30 am
Well, then you are supposed to recreate attraction so he can fall for you again.
Michelle
September 24, 2013 at 4:36 am
On day 8 of attempt #2 of NC, and I bumped into my ex and a mutual friend on campus. The exchange was definitely awkward and maybe even more disheartening
admin
September 25, 2013 at 12:36 am
It is still very early in this NC just be patient 🙂
Christine
September 24, 2013 at 2:57 am
I’m not sure what’s up with my boyfriend of 4 months. He wigged out on my late last week, and he said he is thinking about the relationship. He proceeded to rip me apart for things like trying to help him. He became irate after I told him that he didn’t need to tear me down if he wanted out. He swore and hung up the phone on me. Then he immediately texted an apology, to which I did not respond. There has been no contact since this happened Saturday afternoon. He took down the “in a relationship” part of his facebook profile today, presumably so I would see it.
Given that he hasn’t ACTUALLY said that he wants out of the relationship and neither have I, does the full 30 day no contact rule apply here? Or should I presume I was informed of being dumped by facebook?
Despite the fact that he’s being a complete child right now, things were awesome up until last week. I mean… almost perfect. All of the good reasons to get back together (if we’ve broken up) apply here.
I await your sage advice with bated breath!
admin
September 25, 2013 at 12:31 am
bated breath!
Wow that was new haha.
I still think you should do it!