The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,800 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

sugimura

October 6, 2013 at 10:44 pm

My ex and I work in the same company as well as his new one. It’s kinda hard not making contact with him as we see each other at least 4-5x everyday. We even see each other during our break periods. He would normally come near and say a few words. I gotta respond or it would seem rude not to. It’s his birthday next week and I don’t know how to avoid it. Everyone in the office knows we are that close but don’t know that we broke up. How am I gonna ever accomplish the NC rule with this scenario?

admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:46 am

Looks like you are going to have to do a Limited Contact rule.
sugimura

October 7, 2013 at 9:03 am

How is that going to work? How limited? Would it be a disadvantage for me?
admin

October 8, 2013 at 1:49 am

Limited means the only time you talk to him is when you cannot avoid him in person.

Tom

October 6, 2013 at 2:53 pm

Hey,
so about 2-3 months ago, me and my ex decided to break it off due to time issue, because of work but mostly not enough time spent with each other, It was both our first time dating each other (both first love) so it was really nice and sweet memories, but obviously things started to change when we didnt see each other much anymore, anyways when we broke it off, couple weeks later she wanted me to be there for her (snuggle/fwb buddy), i agree but to tell her face to face that i was willing to change for her, during that week she ended up backing down from the snuggle/Fwb because her Best friend introduce her to a blind date, during that time before the date happened i begged her back but i must in a emotional state, she said that she really liked him even though they only talked on facebook and she ended up going into a relationship with him right after that date. Is this a Rebound or ?

admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:24 am

Well you can read this article to learn more about my experience with rebounds: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-know-if-your-ex-boyfriend-is-in-a-rebound-relationship-how-long-will-it-last/

Whatnow

October 6, 2013 at 7:10 am

Hi, I read your article with keen interest and thank you as it has been very insightful.

I have a real problem. I love my ex. We had a massive fight on her birthday ( had planned a surprise and it all went wrong. In fact it didn’t even happen).
In hindsight, We are both to blame. Really bad communication. This was 2 months ago. I applied the NC rule.

2 weeks ago we bumped into each other. We had another fight. This time it got ugly. She told me that she is with someone else and I went crazy. I felt sick for days.

Anyway, after a few heated texts and a call, I took a week out to really think about what I wanted.

I made a video for her that she said she loved, made her cry, that he truly loves me though there is no way we can get back together. She told me to move on and be happy. I still thought there was hope and I wanted to fight for her. 3 days later I sent her flowers. She has now blocked me on Facebook. I find it a bit strange. Or maybe I’m crazy. I don’t know. I haven’t contacted her since.

What do I do now? I still love her. Can you please give me some guidance?

admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:02 am

Give her some time. I have been in your shoes before and if I could go back I would definitely back off and enter into NC.

I know you love her but realize that this isn’t going to get fixed overnight. You have to approach this very smartly.

Kenneth

October 6, 2013 at 5:04 am

Hey Chris,
In the event your ex contacts you during the NC and leaves messages stating they are worried about you and just want you to check in with them do you still keep up NC or would it backfire if you break contact? I really want to A) get her back or B) get her out of my system however I really want her to chase me its been only a week and I’m proud of the progress however knowing her she’ll find a way to spin this on me and say “what if it was an emergency?” The whole reason I’ve implemented it is she stated she would never take me back and brought up seeing other people which obviously crushed me even though we are not together. thank you very much.

admin

October 6, 2013 at 11:55 pm

I would say you can throw them a bone after a few “worried” messages if you are that concerned about it.
StuckInLove

October 7, 2013 at 12:59 am

I don’t want to overstep here, but I think I’d disagree Chris.

I know exactly what you mean and my ex said the same thing to me, but It’s great that she’s worried! The more worried she is the more she cares for you and that’s intense passionate feeling! Use it and enjoy it while so many of us are dealing with indifference (or what feels like that)! Especially since its only 1 week in, she’s clearly manipulating you into satisfying her own emotional need to keep you close in her life. Don’t give in. This time is for you remember! She lost the right to know how you are and what you’re up to when she left you. You’re trying to convey that you’re over her, her emotions are no longer your responsibility, and you can’t be that guy for her anymore. Let her see what it’s like to feel abandonment, helplessness, and worry with no shoulder to cry on. Sure she may get mad at you for ignoring her, but she’ll get over it before the end of the 30 days. She’ll understand why you had to do it and I’m a firm believer that the only message you should respond to during your NC time is one saying “I was so wrong to leave. I want to get back together.” Anything less is just for her own selfish needs to cure her anxiety and loneliness.

I promise if you give in she will basically say, why would you scare me like that… im glad youre okay… whats new… cool. And then you wont hear from her again until she’s having another weak moment. Dont let her string you along. Strict NC works and it will clearly work extremely well on this girl. So use it! Be sure to change your profile pic on FB in about a week to yourself casually hanging out with some female friends at a bar or somewhere fun. This will show her you’re over her and attractive/valued by other women. I have a feeling she’ll come running back in 2-3 weeks no contact and youll have all the control back.

NOTE: When it comes to these “jealousy” pics you don’t want to be touching girls conspicuously or kissing them etc. This will cause your ex to get angry and want to retaliate because they think you’re hooking up with them. You only want to inspire some light jealousy in a casual way so her mind runs wild and she’s only imagining the worst case scenario that she can’t react to because there’s no real evidence.

Good luck! Im in 3 weeks NC myself today actually and I wish I was getting texts like you! All I have to go off of are daily “miss you” related tweets on her twitter page… I haven’t had the chance to use a jealousy picture yet, only one of some recent volunteer work I did (which I think had an effect and sparked positive feelings towards me but didnt make her want me any more). So tomorrow Im taking a dance lesson (a bonding experience we shared together early in our relationship) with an attractive female friend she doesnt know and I’m hoping to spark a reaction, hopefully making her feel replaced (which will make flying under the radar with my first text next week that much easier). I’ve read that weeks 3 and 4 of NC are when your ex is at their loneliest and I’ve seen a BIG change in mine recently just off of her Twitter to suggest it may be true. Time will tell, but each day I get over her more, realize my true attractiveness/value and lower my expectations (almost making her a backup plan) which is exactly where you want to be mentally. The best suggestion I have is for people to just get out in public! I’m no brad Pitt but im a pretty attractive male I think (Brown hair, blue eyes, young 20s, good fashion and an athletic body) and everyday I get attention from women, even stares from some standing next to their boyfriends and husbands! It’s exactly the confidence boost I need each day to keep me from falling back into desperation mode or placing too much emphasis on getting back with my ex. It may be easier for girls to find new guys because the work is done for them, but quality and quantity are two very different things and im secure enough to know that for all the things I failed at in my relationship, Im still a great catch in my girlfriends mind and after reading so much material recently I can be 5x the boyfriend I ever was to the next girl that comes along. Its actually raised my standards!
Kenneth

October 8, 2013 at 9:48 am

Also good luck and I hope everything works out. The handling of a heart is very delicate.
Kenneth

October 8, 2013 at 9:31 am

Thanks stuck,

Honestly any input is good to me as i fully appreciate a think tank platform such as this. I really wish I would have read you’re comment before I caved in and sent a text now I feel like I played myself. This isn’t about her it is what i need for my own well being. I guess my play is to initiate NC again. I just feel stuck and it’s had an effect on my self-esteem. Really wish I could take my text back but one month will be my goal and I will complete it, have I screwed the pooch here?
admin

October 7, 2013 at 11:27 pm

Oh feel free to overstep! Hahaha. Heck, I encourage you to overstep. Not only my opinion matters. Everyone’s does!
Kenneth

October 8, 2013 at 9:34 am

Thank you, and I agree it’s best to have several plays in situations as emotionally taxing as this.

confused

October 4, 2013 at 11:40 pm

Not sure what to do here …

The ex and I had been dating for 9 months. We broke up on Sunday (5 days ago) after he had grown distant over the course of a month. I told him I was unhappy, that I needed more from a relationship, and he essentially told me he couldn’t step up to the plate. So, we ended it (without tons of drama, which I’m proud of myself for!).

Here’s the problem – just now (5 days later), he emailed me asking how he could get me my stuff back. It’s nothing I need right away and can’t live without for a month. He gave me a few options, including dropping it off at my apartment, dropping it off at work, and dropping it off with his concierge at his apartment so I could pick it up whenever. The last one isn’t really a viable option because we live in a city and I don’t have a car.

Here’s my question – is this the type of situation that warrants breaking the NC? Something tells me no. I’m inclined to just ignore this and wait out the 30 days. What do you think?

Your website is wonderful and has made the past week so much easier! Thanks for all that you do.

mia

October 5, 2013 at 12:12 pm

hi Chris,

how can i send message to him if his phone is off. last week we are fight for some matters. he is to much angry to me, i try to call his phone but that is off. I call his mother and i try talk to him. then I ask him why your phone is close. he answered me and he said I don’t want to open. Then he said to me don’t call me don’t send any message to me.now his phone is still off this is 1 week already.I don’t know what is his in mine. We are partners for 6 years, and i feel bad cause only one mistakes he throw everything. Now i cannot talk to him, I cannot send message to him, i don’t know what i need to do right now.
admin

October 6, 2013 at 12:20 am

Well, just take a deep breath and use this NC time to evolve yourself. Beocme better from this experience.
admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:40 am

Yup this is ok to break NC for!

And thanks for the kind words. Sorry if I am a little short today. I am just kind of mentally drained. It’s been a weird week.

Sad

October 4, 2013 at 9:16 pm

Hello Chris!

Thank you in advanced! 🙂 Your website and dedication to responding to comments is comforting to know someone is on your side (all my friends and family are just telling me get a grip and move on…)

Anyways, my boyfriend and I met last Sept and hung out pretty much everyday until he asked me to be his gf officially in Jan. We still hung out everyday – I met his family, all his friends – high school, university, etc – and vice versa. We had a lot of common interests and never really had any disagreements through out the relationship. We both genuinely enjoyed each others company and were inseparable. Essentially no bad memories. However, 2 months ago (so we were together officially 6.5 months) we got into our first fight and we ended up breaking up that night. We didn’t talk to each other for about a week and he reached out saying he missed me. Since then until i read your website we texted frequently. When I found out about ur website, implemented the NC rule right away (last text was from me though – he didn’t respond; but i didn’t tell him I wasn’t going to contact him anymore). It’s been 32 days and I’m still thinking of a way to reach out to him (thinking along the lines of ‘hey guess what i saw the other day’ hook). He didn’t try contacting me at all throughout the NC period and he also unfollowed me on Instagram (so did his family members) and deleted all of our photos together on it. We are still friends on FB and he now posts a lot of pictures of how much fun he’s having and pretty snug photos with other girls he just met. Before I implemented the NC rule he said that he’s never liked any girl as much as he liked me (he never said he loved me either though) and that he will always care about me. He didn’t want to get back together cause he doesn’t know what the future holds and he doesn’t know if he can get a job, make money, etc – so he’s going to be selfish and not get back together cause he believes it won’t work, especially if he doesn’t know what he wants from life – let alone a relationship/me. Does this lower my chances and do you think he’s saying those things to let me down easy?

Thanks!

admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:34 am

You are very welcome!

(friends and family are good to listen to sometimes but in the end its hard for them to “get it.”) I just wanted to create something truly helpful to people and I feel I have done an ok job so far. I will keep doing the best I can.

So, let me get this straight. He doesn’t know if he can “provide” and that is the reason for not wanting to get back with you? Or is that the reason you two broke up?
Sad

October 5, 2013 at 7:47 pm

To be honest, I am not 100% sure of why he doesn’t want to get back together… every time we talk after we broke up he tells me a different reason. For example, once he said he didn’t want to go through the pains of workings out – yet a month ago when he went to Vegas he brought back a box of desserts for me. Another day he will say its cause he’s unsure of what the future hold since we both may require further education and may later become long distance. Another thing he will say is (since we are 22) is that he’s not sure if he can commit to a serious relationship – or what he wants out of relationships – so he doesn’t want to promise something that hes not sure he can give. He’s being very confusing and I think its because he’s unsure of what he wants? Or is it cause the relationship is over for him and he doesn’t know how to tell me without hurting my feelings? The reason we broke up was out of the heat of the moment – my (used to be) friend was commenting harshly on our relationship and insulted him and myself. I was upset about it and decided to talk to him about it and instead he took out his anger on me. Then we broke up… But prior to me telling him about my friends comments he said ‘what’s bothering you – u can tell me anything; im here for you and we’re not gonna break up’… but we did. It was an abrupt end to the relationship and it feels incomplete since we never fought or tried to work things out.
admin

October 6, 2013 at 1:30 am

He is changing his reasons eh.

Ok, what do YOU think the reason is.

I am going to say it is more of the unsure of what he wants.
Sad

October 8, 2013 at 2:53 am

Well.. I’m not quite sure right now cause i just found out he is currently coming back from a weekend getaway out of the country with another couple and a girl… (during NC i attempted not to look at his fb or anything to prevent discouragement; but i looked today and its full of their vacation photos) it’s been 2 months & 2 weeks = so i feel like he’s moving on…? So at the moment I just feel like it was letting me down easy – so he could move on with this other girl (though I am not sure if he’s posting the pics out of spite on fb or if they are legitimately dating) – his friend mentioned this girl’s name last month when i first implemented NC; but it seems more romantic than friendly? but since my NC is over – i texted him a ‘guess what i saw’ text and he responded with a quite lengthy friendly text…

any opinions on the situation? cause its no longer ‘he doesn’t know what he want from a relationship and doesn’t want to reel me in with his uncertainty’ he’s already jumped to a different relationship.

i’m starting to feel slightly discouraged.
admin

October 9, 2013 at 1:33 am

I say just continue on the plan I outline on the E-Book!
Sad

October 4, 2013 at 9:20 pm

Does it also hurt my chances if I kept in contact / hung out with his friends after we broke up and during the NC period? I also tried to use my FB profile as you advised and uploaded a new profile pic and cover photos which got a lot of likes and compliments – does that help with the Ungettable Girl theory? I also have been working on myself – taking more courses, going to a dance class, exercising.
admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:35 am

No I don’t think so. And yes that is a good job utilizing FAcebook.

Glad you read that deep into the site 🙂

Alex

October 4, 2013 at 3:30 am

Hi Chris,
I am in a complicated situation with my ex right now. We broke up after four years because we were too different and unable to make each other happy. He is my best friend and at first I had a really rough time, but now I am at a healthy point where I feel good being on my own. I would like to be with him but don’t feel like I need to. I really want for us to be able to either take this time after the break up (no contact) to learn to change for each other so that we can be happy together or learn to let go so that we can just be friends. I know for either situations to get to that point there would have to be a period of no contact. But this is really difficult as I have a class with him and work with him. It is difficult to avoid him at work because it is a daycare and we have to work together and communicate in order for things to run smoothly. I am worried that this will make the nc period less effective. Other than at work we do not speak at all. But since we do see each other at work (2x a week) and talk there, would that make it so that he does not miss me? I want him to miss me and I don’t think that’ll happen since we do speak at work a little bit. He hasn’t txted me anything other than to tell me some good news that he is excited about. Which I have not replied to. Please help, I’m not sure what to do! I don’t want him to feel like he can have his cake and eat it, too. Like he can be single but still talk to me like everything is normal. Just yesterday I talked to him and told him that I need space and that we should not talk.
Thanks so much, Chris!

admin

October 4, 2013 at 9:57 pm

I think NC would be good for you. Kind of take a break for yourself.

Right now the dynamic does kind of need to change though doesn’t it?
Alex

October 9, 2013 at 2:50 am

I agree. But does this mean quit my job? It is difficult to avoid him at work. After talking to him and telling him that I need space, he agreed but then the next day at work he would try to make small talk. I want to be polite but I come off as somewhat cold because my answers are short and I seem uninterested in the conversation. I dont want to push him further away. Should I start looking for other job opportunities for the sake of our relationship?
admin

October 10, 2013 at 12:28 am

No absolutely not. You don’t have to avoid him at work completely. Just kind of distance yourself a bit.

Anna

October 3, 2013 at 9:37 pm

hi, im thinking of trying on this no contact rule but don’t know if it will still work for me. i broke up with my ex a few months ago and we tried to remain friends but that didn’t work out well for me. it did for my ex but lately i did confess to him that i still have feelings for him etc all that. but he is telling me now that he wants me to only be his good friend. so after a bunch of mumbo jumbo i think i made the mistake of agreeing to be friends again. so i am still hurting but i think i will have to move on. if i implement this no contact rule, should i let him know im implementing this no contact?

admin

October 4, 2013 at 1:23 am

I say go for it!

And do not let him know.
Anna

October 5, 2013 at 11:18 pm

i see how hard it really is, the more you now force yourself to cut off that contact, the harder it really seems. I’ve been waking up middle of the night a lot. I sometimes wonder if he still thinks of me or maybe i am really completely forgotten. But after our last conversation and after starting the NC, i thought a lot of stuff through and feel like i have all these things to say to him. But i should hold it till the NC ends right? I know he still cares about me but really I’m not sure if its because I’m just a friend. But then i know i will have to do this no matter how hard it is. What should I do to stop waking up in the middle of the night?
admin

October 6, 2013 at 1:32 am

I can guarantee that he thinks of you. Though, I can’t guarantee he is thinking as often as you.

Hold on to those things until NC ends yes!
Anna

October 12, 2013 at 10:50 pm

My mind seems to be more clear but i still feel for him however. I said a lot of things to attack him when we last spoke I feel really bad but I know I should wait till end of NC to tell him. i don’t know if it will be too late and whether he even still wants to talk to me or hear about it. But my dilemma now is whether I should remain friends with him. I don’t want to lose him as a friend but I am also afraid if there is consequences that will hurt me more.
admin

October 13, 2013 at 10:23 pm

You can remain friends with him but all of this stuff should be sorted out after NC.
Anna

November 1, 2013 at 2:39 am

I am really close to the end of NC, and I do feel a lot better and more clear. Although from time to time I still think of things but I do feel that I feel so much better and really do feel that detachment from him. I guess when we are with someone, we become really attached that we don’t see the pros and cons. Sometimes even knowing that he or she is not good to us and we aren’t happy in the relationship, we still hold on so tightly. I think the most important part of NC is that mentality that you WANT to heal and detach from the person. I think that acceptance is the most important part. In the past I also tried a short period of NC just because I thought I shouldn’t contact him so often anymore because we are no longer together although we are still friends. It didn’t work because inside I still had that hope. He never contacted me during this NC time which I kind of knew will happen. My dilemma is if I should contact him since the last time I spoke to him I did say a lot of things and realize a lot of things I said weren’t so nice but I was really emotional and hurt due to broken promises. I want to contact him but I don’t know how I should go about to speak to him. I don’t want us to be on bad terms. Should I let him know I’m over him and that I am fine now. Although a small part of me still feels for him but not as intense or in the same way. I believe it takes a longer time than 30 day NC to get rid of because I believe there will always be that part since this is a person you shared so much with. I’m not sure he even still cares or want to listen to the things I want to say. How should I go about this?
admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:32 pm

congrats on being close to the end of NC.

I agree with you about taking a longer time to get rid of that feeling. I think it can take months and years in some cases.

For now, just stick to the initial plan. Send him your first contact text.
Anna

October 6, 2013 at 10:33 pm

after starting the NC, i feel so embarrassed for confessing and being emotional. I probably scared him off, pushed him away or maybe now even created a distance or awkwardness that he would want to keep a distance from me since he said he only thinks of me as a friend now. What should I do?
admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:41 am

Let the NC rule work its magic at this point. AND do your best to evolve during that time. Thats your best bet during this time.
Anna

October 6, 2013 at 2:09 pm

is it okay if I share some thoughts on facebook? like articles i read that reflect my feelings and emotions right now? or should i hold off till after NC too because he will probably see them.
admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:17 am

Yea I really think you should hold off.
Anna

October 3, 2013 at 9:54 pm

as in should i tell him not to contact me?
admin

October 4, 2013 at 1:20 am

No you should just do it without any warning. Its more effective that way.

Samara

October 3, 2013 at 2:23 pm

Okay so me and my ex were together for a year. He broke up with me and then we went in the NC for about 3 weeks… I bumped into him and then we started talking and seeing each other on and off we then had a big conversation about our relationship in which i broke down and tried to fix it…he continued to think that his decision was the right one. we left on good terms then the week after the talk he would ask to see me and hang out and I would we would go for lunch and act like all was okay. then last friday I saw him for lunch and then that was it he didnt make contact with me until I bumped into him yesterday and we hung out for a bit said that he loved me and missed me whoever he feels that he made the right decision. I told him how i felt and I was honest said I want to be there for him and that he didnt have to end the relationship that it could be worked it. He didnt say anything except that it was the right thing to do. We left on a good note told me that he loved me very much and said that we should meet for lunch next week. I want him back I just dont know what my next steps should be? Please help me.

admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:56 am

Well, you should meet him for lunch!
Samara

October 4, 2013 at 1:57 pm

Hey Thank you so much for the reply.. I m just a little confused.. Do you think Lunch is a good idea considering just the other day he still believes his decision to end is the right one. He isnt changing his mind…I dont know if I should or should not implement the NC rule…What would you advise me to do?
admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:21 am

Oh, I am sorry I totally misunderstood. I thought you had already completed NC. I deserve a head slap.

Yea, I would do NC and NOT do the lunch.

I don’t know what I was thinking.
Samara

October 7, 2013 at 2:18 pm

Hey chris!
Okay So when we broke up we did have no contact for at least 3 weeks… but then we bumped into each other and started hanging out off and on after that. so there was no contact but it wasnt initiated by me per say. then like I said I told him a couple of days ago how i felt and he said that he believed his decision was the right one but still wants to lunch sometime this week.
I dont know if I should do the NC or not?
I dont know if I should see him for lunch or not?
I also when he messages me for lunch should I just not reply or should I just casually cancel on him?
Thank you so much for putting up with my crazy! I just dont know if my situation NC would be the best option…
admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:00 am

NC- Yes
Lunch- Only on your terms and after NC.
Cancel- Casually cancel.

And you are not crazy.
Samara

October 3, 2013 at 2:26 pm

Also when he asks to have lunch next week what should I say? I did agree to see him. I was thinking that maybe telling him I need space to think about things or going and seeing him and then just leaving it and not saying anything then start the NC from there? im a little lost on what I should do if he messages me to hangout next week…
admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:57 am

Generally speaking NC works better if your ex has no warning. Though, if you feel this is the right thing to do in your case I say go for it. Trust your gut.

Adliao Shay

October 1, 2013 at 2:46 am

Hi ! I google about NC rule and found this amazing article! In my case, she is not my ex. Just a gal I like. I have a crush on her , and bcos of something I told her my thoughts. At first she did not reject me, but did not say any comment on this thing. We talk as a friend. Then I said my thoughts again. She said she was not ready for relationship, and she do have a lot of chasers, that means i have a lot of completions. Also she told me not to focus on her , date new friend and do something. Ok, it’s clear. Then I started cold to her. After a day, we dont msg. suddenly she sent me a msg about ”How are you” ,i dont reply her. the second day, she sent me a msg about, about the weather and little stuff. I just reply her an”ok”

Now, we have no contact for 2 days.
Do you think it’s right to do this? in fact, i think NC rule is also good to clear up our mind, to think twice if this person worth for you. I was sincere to her, dont like mind reading game. but now. i dont know. can you advise me?

admin

October 1, 2013 at 11:49 pm

Ok, I wouldn’t do a full NC rule in your case since you haven’t actually dated this person.

Instead, I would do a one week NC. You should really check out some of the texts though that might give you a handle on how to go forward.
Adliao Shay

October 2, 2013 at 12:42 pm

Hello admin,

I think so. Since last night I told her I was bit busy recently. She said tht’s ok just leave me alone. Then I have no reply to her message.

My friend told me, do you send any message to her. Since send or not send, the result will be the same -She does not like me.

As for me, I found I claim down myself and think about it twice. I want happiness. If this relationship will be not sweet and stable. Why do I keep it.

I may have a try in this weekend ,maybe send her a msg.., ll keep you post..
admin

October 3, 2013 at 1:17 am

You can call me Chris you know hahaha.

Def keep me posted.
Adliao Shay

October 1, 2013 at 3:11 am

We have met for few months, and before that we messaged from am to pm everyday. We hang out for few times, I really really enjoyed the moment with her. Yet i think that when a girl rejected you but still want to stay in touch, that means she may just want you to stay behind , but not a lover. If now I try to keep friends as normal..i will forever lose her….. do you think it so?
admin

October 1, 2013 at 11:54 pm

There are actually plenty of girls that put me in the friendzone and took me out eventually. So, being friends can have its advantages but I do agree the chances of that happening are not super high.

Ashley tubman

September 30, 2013 at 1:32 pm

Dear chris,
So my boyfriend left me 4-5 days ago and the last time we talked was this morning I messaged him a zillion times bc I found out he was talking to another girl I went through a like bipolar stage bc I went from being mean telling him I hate him to saying sorry nd telling him I love him and I want another chance. He left me for a really stupid reason.it was because I promised I wouldn’t talk to boys and sometimes if go into math class mad or upset one of my old good friends who is a boy would try and talk to me about it nd cheer me up so I wouldn’t blow up on my boyfriend,and I wanted to tell my boyfriend tht I have talked to him a couple times so I posted a picture tht kinda hinted it on Instagram because I was scared to tell him.and he completely flipped out and brokenup with me because he thinks ima a liar wev talked about this but he still just thinks I’m a liar. I understand that I wasn’t suppose to talk to guys because of reasons and problems we had last year in our relationship.i explained to him that they were only 2 min convos befor class would start and he just keeps rejecting me.we broke up before for a month because of something I’v done it was because I wasn’t showing him enough effection nd alot of other stuff so while we broke up I worked on it for my next boyfriend that I’d have but i never had the heart to get another one.after a month of being broken up my ex begged for me back and I went back. Basically I want my ex back and he’s left me before for way worse reasons and he came back a month later. And right now he’s talking to another girl she doesn’t go to our school though she hoe to his old school,there not dating yet there just “talking” this morning we had a talk after I flipped nd he was saying how hel never forget me because I was his first for everything and he said hel always love me bc I took his birginity and I was his first love. And he also said “honestly ashley were probably going to eventually end up back together” and I really want him back I love him so much. He thinks I’m a liar but I don’t see how bc I told him with out rlly telling him.please help me and tell me how I can possibly get him before he falls in love with this girl

admin

October 1, 2013 at 3:25 am

Well, I just want to tell you that if you rush this process it won’t end well. There really is no “easy way.”
Adliao Shay

October 1, 2013 at 8:52 am

Hi admin! thanks for your swift reply! you know what …. just today,, she suddenly sent me a msg and asked why we did not talk , and we used to talk! Then i told her i have been busy in these days. She said tht’s find, leave me some spaces.

I dont reply her lol

but, seriously. i miss her and want her. I hate myself being like this. Yet , she may not the girl i want, cos she just playing love game with me…
Adliao Shay

October 1, 2013 at 8:54 am

oh sorry i wrongly read. but just rush to tell you NC rule started working.!
admin

October 2, 2013 at 12:22 am

I am so glad to hear this!
Ashley tubman

September 30, 2013 at 1:36 pm

Do you think I have a chance to get him back?:/
Ashley tubman

October 1, 2013 at 1:12 pm

Last night I like told him I felt about him nd asked him to think about what he’s doing and he said “I’ll think about it either way” what do u think that means?
admin

October 1, 2013 at 3:21 am

I think there is always a chance. However, the percentage of that chance depends on how YOU approach the situation.

nibirusankke

September 29, 2013 at 11:11 pm

Hi Chris your website is cool. But I’m just wondering. I am a homosexual and I have this boyfriend for only 2 1/2 months. Our breakup was a mess. He wants to get away from me cause he does not like my insecurity, though he was pleased that I always tell him he’s the best guy I’ve ever seen. When he texted me that he does not want our relationship anymore I yelled at him, and he yelled back a bit. I told him a lot of negative stuff about him just to pull down his ego. I even told him I had an affair with his friend during our relationship (which was bad I guess). Now I’m doing the NC rule for a week and thinks of doing it for minimum of 30 days. But the question is, is this applicable to my situation (as a gay)? His friends hangs out with me and always talks negative about him too (though I want to get rid of them too) but I always change the conversation about this new guy I met. Will I still get him back with this situation? I need your help please.

admin

October 1, 2013 at 3:22 am

Yup, it should be applicable. Most of the stuff can be interchangable.
nibirusankke

October 1, 2013 at 9:15 am

Thank you so much Chris 🙂

erica brand

September 29, 2013 at 11:01 pm

My ex left me in limbo stating he doesn’t know if he wants to end our relationship or take a break. Then he turned around and cut off our main form of communication Facebook by deleting/ blocking me. just wondering if you had any advice on what i should do now… im going to start the no contact rule because i have been trying to contact him but i dont they have been noticed or do you think this is hopeless

admin

October 1, 2013 at 3:23 am

Do you have his number?
erica brand

October 2, 2013 at 11:13 am

No he got his cell contract terminated so if he has a new plan or number after our split i wouldnt know it
admin

October 3, 2013 at 12:57 am

And your blocked on social media or no? Sorry can’t remember.
erica brand

October 3, 2013 at 6:16 am

Yes im blocked also the last time i seen his page he still had our photos on his profile

LOST

September 29, 2013 at 8:09 pm

HiChris..I just completed my 30days of no contact. He didn’t contact me or neither I. He is with another woman now which clarifies why he doesn’t miss me :(. I woke up with a bad dream today . I still love and care about him so much and want to text him saying that” I wokeup with a bad dream please drive safe whereever you go today” is it ok to send this txt after no contact of 30days? what would he think of me after getting this msg?

admin

October 1, 2013 at 3:21 am

Yup, grab the E-Book or read this site to learn more about the texting after NC.

Ana

September 29, 2013 at 6:51 pm

Hey Chris This is my Situation. Me and my bf were together almost for 1 year. He was really controlling and jealous even I was doing whatever he want It me too.One day out of nothing he tells me we shouldn’t be together because is not healthy , we have a lots of fight and he will never change his jealousy so he is setting me free. I begged him only the moment that we broke up to think about well bc im not one of those making up and brakin up all the time. He said he was sure. I decide to do No contact rule so I send him text on the phone ( I think you are right.I respect your decision.Hope you have a great life ) … After 4 weeks he send me a message on fcb saying he really loved blah blah but we shouldn’t be together ( but in the message never mention to get back ) bacially he was confirming whatever he said in the day we broke up. I did not reply(NO contact rule) plus that’s offensive sending me text without asking to go back just bullthiting the same thing that happen the day of brake up… Since that day I saw him couple times in the mall and in coffe shop but he never talked to me either I… couple weeks ago I see that he blocked me on facebook when he not even friends or contact each other plus my fcb is private. Im really in love with this guy but its ben 3 months No contact for me and how long should I wait until he makes his step TO ACTUALLY ASK ME BACK because I will never do it just for the fact that he was the one brakeing up with me when I was madly in love and never expected plus I have that much dignity to not beg.I want to mention Im not a crazy woman I don’t stalk even in relationshiphe was the one who always showed his love in maximum…IS HE EVER GOING TO ASK ME BACK? I HE SUFFERING AS MUCH I AM? HOW LONG WILL TAKE HIM?

admin

October 1, 2013 at 3:20 am

If you stick with NC rule I promise it will increase your chances.

Jenna

September 29, 2013 at 6:12 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago, saying he had no romantic feelings for me anymore. I immediately started NC, but is hope lost? He said he’s not interested in me anymore.
Also, we’re in the same club, so I’m forced to see him three times a week. Is there anyway I can use that to my advantage?

admin

October 1, 2013 at 3:19 am

Just make sure you look fantastic. Also, try not to be awkward but be happy and confident at the same time. It is ok to flirt with other men BUT you have to do it really really really really subtly.
Jenna

October 3, 2013 at 10:27 pm

Thanks for the response Chris. I’ve been trying to maintain NC, but lately he keeps starting conversations. I know he’s trying to friend-zone me. I’m friendly, but try and end it as soon as possible. I still feel like these interactions are making things worse. Is this hurting my chances? How should I handle myself when this happens? Also, how do I prevent myself from being friend-zoned, since that is obviously what he’s doing?
Thanks,
Jenna
admin

October 4, 2013 at 1:05 am

Not killing your chances but not helping it.
Jenna

October 4, 2013 at 1:07 pm

Is there anything I can do? He won’t take a hint, but I can’t exactly run screaming in the opposite direction…

Tanushree

September 29, 2013 at 12:04 pm

Hi I have been dating this guy for a year now and just before leaving for a year to London he asked me out. I was apprehensive coz it would mean one year of long distance relationship. He is a Leo and I am a taurean so we had too many downs and clashes because of our rad strong attitude but then our love was equally passionate and sincere. He built a fantastic rapport with my family and even confessed to my mother that he wants to settle down with me and did discuss marriage and future with me. We also exchanged rings. There were times when I was apprehensive about the relationship and did ask him if splitting was a viable option and he always talked me to not go ahead. However after I returned to India we dated for hardly 2 months and he broke up with me citing the reason that he has been pushed to the brink and it is better to find someone who loves and accepts us for how n who we are and he asked me to move on in life but deep within I do know he still cares but he was so strong to rove it otherwise. I even went to the city he lives to talk it out but in vain. What confuses me is that even during our last encounter he had tears in his eyes and hugged me like his baby. I returned him the ring but he didn’t return the ring that u have him and he doesn’t even wear it anymore. I fail to fathom how a guy who claimed to love me and did so many things has now turned into another leaf? I begged cried did everything for a second chance when I met him last. However after I returned from his city I haven’t kept in touch or called him and it has been almost 16 days. Apparently a friend of mine called to ask him what is the scene and he said he wants me to move on in life but knowing him as a person I do not think he means that. What do you suggest i do apart from sticking to the NC rule? Please help

admin

October 1, 2013 at 1:32 am

HOnestly there is so much to go over I can’t fit it into a comment so I am going to give you some homework. READ THIS SITE! ;). Trust me that will explain things pretty well. If that’s enough just grab the E-Book.
Tanushree

September 29, 2013 at 12:07 pm

I had deleted him once from Facebook just before the break up because of some fight but after that sent friend request multiple times which he has deleted of course so he is not even on my friend’s list but one thing is for sure that I love him immensely

Kat

September 28, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Chris,

I am trying so hard on the no contact and I am not contacting him. It lasted a day this last time. He texted in the am and when I didn’t respond he continued throughout the day and then called several times in between. It was really making my day miserable at work but I knew it was going to be hard. He is in a new relationship so I’m not sure why he is acting a little crazy to get a hold of me. The straw that broke the camels back is when he sent a text that he needed me to call him ASAP and that he really needed to talk to me. I failed and responded only to find out that he was fine he was just having a bad day at work and needed to hear my voice. I had the discussion that He can’t do that. He apologized he just freaked out. He said he feels we need to keep the lines of communication open so that we can hopefully be together in the future. He wants to share everything with me in regards to his new relationship and thinks that will bring us closer together in the future. I know I need to stick to the no contact rule but I can’t have him acting like he did this last time. It’s really interfering with me being able to move forward. Please help why is he doing this and how do I get thru 30 days without going crazy? He to me is not following what you have described especially being in a new relationship. You think he really wouldn’t be talking to me!

admin

September 30, 2013 at 12:06 am

A lot of discipline. I have found making myself so busy that I don’t have time to talk to someone is the best way to get through a NC.
Kat

September 28, 2013 at 5:31 pm

Also I have been working on me the past 5 weeks that we broke up and I have come to terms with the situation. I have been positive and leaving emotions out of it. He even asked me to go out last night and then chickened out. He then got in a fight with the girlfriend and reached out to me at 3:30 in the morning. I need to start the no contact again however I feel like I’m in a better place. He is the one struggling and said that it hurts him that I’m ok with being friends. He feels if we go out and he sees me it will hurt too much. I have never had an issue doing me. Before we broke up I have recently lost 32 pounds, I exercise almost everyday, and I play soccer 2 nights a week. I go out with friends and have been on a date. I am in the best personal shape of my life. My ex however I feel is the one who needs to focus on him and I had even advised him that he wanted to compare the differences between dating me and another girl so now he is. I said to him that he is going to see things he likes with both of us and some that he doesn’t and he needs to determine what will make him happy. He is having a real hard time with this all and wants to give it 6 months for us to be apart. He feels if we can make it as friends during this time then we will have a good chance to start over. I haven’t read any posts that resemble my situation. I just need some guidance. Sorry this is so long,
admin

September 30, 2013 at 12:10 am

So, he wants to take a six month break. Well, I say take it. And apply the NC rule.

Lauren

September 28, 2013 at 6:19 am

Hi Chris,

I broke up with my boyfriend 4 days ago and I came across your website the first day after we broke up so I immediately started my no contact period. The thing is before we broke up, he bought me a birthday gift, which is pretty expensive. I insisted on returning it to him even though he told me to keep it. Now I am just wondering if mailing him back the gift would break the no contact rule?

Need your advise!!

admin

September 29, 2013 at 11:42 pm

I don’t think so! You can mail it back if you want.

Brooke

September 27, 2013 at 3:31 pm

My bf of 1 ye broke up with me a few weeks ago based on financial reasons. He’s been looking for a job for almost a year and said that he just can’t give me everything he wants- that I should go out, have fun and I’ll be the first to know when he gets back on his feet. After break up, he emailed a response to a love letter I had written before and said he was so happy about how I felt, he felt the same, but that the past year he hasn’t been the himself due to his financial situation, how sad this made him and reiterated that we could try again when he gets it together. After a few emails, I stopped but told him I wasn’t “not talking to him” but we had said everything and I still believed in him. He now texts every weekend about football (seemingly casual but that connection was the reason we started dating). I have responded to his texts but kept it casual and strictly about football. Now I’m feeling extremely hurt and frustrated that he is keeping contact this way. I’ve been good about going out with friends etc and overall keeping just- but was thinking that no contact is best to show him it’s not ok to just be buddy buddy. At the sane time, I’m worried he’ll stop contacting me altogether and just assume he’s right that I’m better off without him. Should I do no contact or try to keep communications open? His bday is in a few weeks so I considered NC until telling him Happy Birthday- just scared of repercussions.

StuckInLove

September 28, 2013 at 8:09 pm

I’ve been dwelling on this for a bit now, and it’s certainly an interesting spot you’re in. Clearly he’s very insecure and feels he’s failed you as a man, he can no longer provide for you and give you everything he wants. So subconsciously he’s removed himself out of fear you’d eventually leave him for a higher value man. The good news is that you can feel confident that a man without confidence or self-esteem is not going to pursue other girls any time soon and they’re certainly not going to come seeking him.

I considered if you stayed in limited contact and maybe found a couple job opportunities to pass along as a friend every week or so, but he clearly feels that this is something he has to do on his own to regain his masculinity/self-worth. So helping him or trying to make him feel better about his situation is only going to make him feel more pathetic that he can’t solve his own problems or even take care of himself.

It MUST be a male friend or role model that snaps him out of this rut. Someone he can relate to and not feel as embarrassed to confide in (as he does with you because he loves you and doesnt want to show weakness). If his male friends like you and want you two to work out, think about which one is the happiest in his life and capable of giving him some tough love. Maybe someone he looks up to or may see as the man he wants to be. Talk to them about it privately, in person if you can. So he’s less likely to find out and get the wrong ideas etc. There’s no sugar coating it. He’s a man and he needs to “man up.” A woman doesn’t care if you have a job now or not as long as you’re confident and happy with yourself, positive/ambitious/optimistic about the future, and treat her well (clearly you’ve proved that). He needs to realize his worth as a person, accept that life’s not easy, set some goals and begin working to achieve those goals. He’s throwing himself a pity party and the more you and everyone else continues to feed into it, baby him, etc. the longer he’s going to allow it to go on.

Get his friends to give him a reality check/confidence boost however they can. Also, I know you love him, but if this isn’t something he can overcome soon. There’s no need for you to sit around and wait. He left because he knows it’s selfish to make you sit around when he can’t love you before he learns to love himself. Go no contact for 30 days. You owe it to yourself. Give him the space he needs to come to terms with reality, realize what he still has to lose, and motivate him to make a change in his life. He’s being lazy and unmotivated right now and everyones feeding it instead of leaving him. Feast or famine. He wants to do this on his own. Let him. Better yet, make him!

You’ll respect him more in the long run, and it will give you time to think and maybe realize that you were putting in more than you ever got out of the relationship and deserve more. Casually date a little. Nothing serious. Just meet new people.

Good luck. Hope this helps!
admin

September 28, 2013 at 3:11 am

He probably felt bad about not having a job :/.

I would actually say that you shouldn’t contact him on his birthday. Do it after his birthday. Just my two cents.

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