The No Contact Rule: A Powerful Strategy That Works On Your Ex

6,800 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

Jess

September 17, 2013 at 2:29 pm

I accidentally bumped into my ex. We worked at the same place however I recently quit because I have another job that pays more. It is at a convenience store and I was in there talking to one of my ex coworkers. I did not think he saw me but walked right past me and the other person and up the next aisle. He was going to the office and there was a much quicker path that he could have taken. I was there shopping but I just began chatting when I saw my coworker. Nonetheless, I am nearing the end of my bc period should I start over? Also neither one of said hi to each other. Also, since he took a strange path to the office sows this mean he misses me? He has not reached out to me and it has been over a month. He also looked very sad. Everyone has been telling me how sad he has looked since he stopped talking to me and that was confirmed. Thanks!

admin

September 18, 2013 at 3:24 am

Haha so are you happy you bumped into him?
Jess

September 18, 2013 at 3:39 am

Yes, it is comforting to see that he is sad. My ex-coworkers were telling me but it is comforting to see it for myself. I know that he purposely walked the long way around the store so that he could see me. It’s been over a month since we have talked and I was getting worried that breaking up did not affect him like it did me (since he has not called and blocked me on facebook, after I deleted him- that puzzled me as well). Nonetheless, the NC period has allowed me to clear my mind and realize that I was really happy being with him and that I would like to get him back, eventually. I may go three months without contacting him (and hopefully not bumping into him again) because I am still not where I want to be emotionally. I know, with time, I’ll get there! Thank you!
admin

September 19, 2013 at 1:37 am

Your very welcome keep me updated.
Jess

October 30, 2013 at 12:14 pm

Also how should I dig deeper? You discuss that in the “He Broke Up with You” article. My ex gave no explanation, he just stopped talking to me. Will elaborate on how I can dig deeper?
admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:36 pm

Think back to your relationship. What did you fight most about? What was he moody about?
Jess

October 31, 2013 at 3:37 am

I decided to text him today. I used the “good ole days” method. He responded quickly ( it took him about 4 minutes, which surprised me because I did not think he would respond at all). Anyway, I did not text him back for another 2 hours because I was trying to think of what to text back and also because a couple of people told me not to respond again, if he wants to talk to me again. He did not respond, what should I do now? What are your thoughts?
admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:39 pm

I am confused. Did you respond to the initial “good ole days” text and he didn’t respond to that response?

Lots of responses there sorry hahahaha.
Jess

October 31, 2013 at 8:04 pm

I sent the good ole days text and he responded to it. I did not think he would reply so it took me two hours to reply to him and I received no text back afterwards.
Jess

November 19, 2013 at 10:18 pm

NC is over. I intiated contact with him and then he waited 12 days to randomly text me. So should i wait for him to text me or should I go ahead and contact him again? If I should contact how long after his text should I wait. It’s been a week. Should I text now or wait longer? I don’t want to rush anything.
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:31 pm

I would text now but have a good text planned out ahead of time.
Jess

November 18, 2013 at 11:14 pm

Hi Chris,

I have a quick question. My ex waited 12 days to text me again after I intiated contact with him. Tomorrow makes a week since he texted me. How long should I wai before I contact him again?
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:24 pm

If you are in the NC then 30 days.
Jess

November 13, 2013 at 2:38 am

Today, I got a text from him out of the blue! Of course I followed your advice. I will continue to take your advice. Thank you so much for your advice and website. We’ll see what happens.
admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:26 pm

No problem!
Jess

November 1, 2013 at 11:05 pm

Do you think he will eventually text back or call? I’m just curious what your opinion is. I know that you cannot predict the future.

Also, I really appreciate you answering my questions. I realize that this conversation has been going on for a few days and I really appreciate all of your help and advice. Thank you!
admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:30 pm

I think eventually the two of you will talk. There is no doubt in my mind.
admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:13 pm

Gotcha… well you should have ended the conversation immediately after he replied.
Jess

October 29, 2013 at 1:42 am

Hi Chris,

After doing some soul searching and lots of swallowing my pride and getting past my stubbornness (took a lot of people to convince me), I have decided to reach out to my ex. His birthday (he’ll be 27,I turned 23 two weeks after our breakup)is coming up in a month or so and I decided to send him a quick Happy Birthday text. Do you think this is a good way to reach out to him? I thought since we saw each other twice I needed to start the NC period over again, also I needed to clear my head and become less emotional. Also I was reading the “He Broke up with You” article and you discuss the dumpee digging deeper when her boyfriend states that he doesn’t want to talk about something and then stops communicating all together. That is exactly what happened to me, can you elaborate on how I should “dig deeper”? Thank you!
admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:32 am

Haha glad you are smart enough to not let your pride get in the way. I can be the same way sometimes.

I would reach out to him AFTER his birthday when he is in a more one on one mindset.
Jess

October 3, 2013 at 1:43 pm

Does this mean he is thinking about contacting me? I haven’t talked to him for two months. Initially, he just stopped talking to me. I went out with one of my BFFs for her birthday and posted the pics on FB. The next day when I saw him, at work, he did not want to talk to me and has only sent me one mean text since them (two weeks after it happened). I could be wrong but I think he stopped talking to me for egoistic reasons. I went out, looked nice, and he was not with me. Again, I could be wrong. Nonetheless, after he tried talking to my mom instead of me it has left me confused. Should I attempt to contact him? To be honest, I am very stubborn and at this point I am just waiting for him to contact me, just to see how long it takes him. What are your thoughts?
Thanks! Your advice is always so helpful!
admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:53 am

Well, if you have been in NC for over 30 days then I say you can contact him. Don’t let stubbornness get in the way of a good thing.
Jess

October 1, 2013 at 5:02 am

Hi Chris,

I have another quick question for you. I bumped into my ex again. He was supposed to have quit his job at the store and start a new job elsewhere. Therefore, I felt that I could shop there anytime. Well, yesterday my mom and I were there for a while printing pictures and I was walking around the store, being careful to avoid the area where he works. I was in the back of the store and when I was walking to the front of the store I saw my ex, dash to the back of the store when he saw me. My mom told me while we were leaving that he went to the photo machine and tried to start small talk with her. He sees my mom often since she works part-time there and I think he knows that she does not care for him much anymore. Nonetheless, he has not attempted to contact or speak to me in the last two months. His action puzzled me, what is your opinion of his actions? Why would he speak to my mother but not to me?

As always, thank you for your advice!
admin

October 2, 2013 at 12:06 am

Maybe he is scared of how you would react?

It is kind of weird no doubt.

Sarsh

September 17, 2013 at 12:23 pm

Hi Chris,
Long story short had been “seeing someone” for a few months. He lives with his ex still, her son and their daughter. He said it was his ex however now I just feel like an idiot and wonder if they are really together. Anyway he kept putting off moving out for lots of reasons or shall I say excuses like they have a holiday booked, her ban is in hospital. Now he us so busy with lots of things he has not time to move out. Anyway I have a few deadlines until I ended it the other day. And since I have found it so hard . He had been answering some texts and ignoring others . So I sent this to him this morning

Morning hope you’re having a good day. I see you are back on Facebook welcome back haha. I just want you to know that whilst I’m really confused as to what’s happened with s as in you not wanting to talk to me or see me and very confused as to why you seem to have lost all feelings for me I will respect your decision. I’m still very much in love with you and care deeply for you and in some ways I really still want you and us but I am aware now that you no longer feel this way. If I felt in anyway you did I would be running to meet you to be in your arms and be kissing you right now. I think the one memory I’ll keep will be of that day down by the river just sat there with you in my arms and us just being so comfortable. I felt so safe and just daydreaming about what out future would hold. And I felt so loved that day . My regret would be walking away from you I guess oh and that I didn’t get to go fishing with you haha. Anyway like I said I don’t understand what’s happened but I respect your decision to have no more contact with me. I remember you saying you once saying you hadn’t given up on me yet but I guess you have now. Take care I really hope you’re happy because I still very much care. All my love
To which I had this reply

It’s not that I don’t want u Sarah I just have not got time I don’t even c eve that much so any spare time I have I want to be with her I am missing so much as it is she is nearly walking she is my number 1. It would not be right to only give U a bit of me

Am I being stupid??????? Does it sound like I was and would be wasting my time trying to get him back?

admin

September 18, 2013 at 3:22 am

I don’t think you are stupid.

And do you think you are wasting your time. I want to help you but if your hearts not in it I understand (even then I can help you though.)

Sally

September 17, 2013 at 11:44 am

it is 2 months nxt weeks that we broke up and in that time there has been a few days of no contact here and there and then we bump into each other at the station and then have a little kiss and cuddle and then he walks away and i dont here from him. he is still fond of me but he doesnt want to be with me. what is going to make him want me. i dont feel ike i can suddenly go from cuddling him to being blunt and not being tactile. i am making myself to availabe tho and i think thsi is the thing, he knows he can have me whenevr he wants me. what do i do?

admin

September 18, 2013 at 3:24 am

The problem is that he knows he can have you whenever he wants. That isn’t as attractive as you think to men.

Rob

September 16, 2013 at 10:09 pm

Considering that my ex and I have had a no contact rule for a few months, Is it safe to wish him a Happy Birthday?

admin

September 17, 2013 at 1:50 am

I think so.

cristina

September 16, 2013 at 10:06 pm

🙁 I don’t see any more the comment I left… I’m in need of serious help here

admin

September 17, 2013 at 1:45 am

Did your comment disappear?
cristina

September 17, 2013 at 8:04 am

Yeah 🙁
Was a long one because my situation is complicated. A lot.
Basically I am in NC after over a year with a guy whom is not married but paired up in a companionship, because he has two kids with this woman.
He tried to break up with me couple of time, but when I was to go always stopped me. If I did go in NC he’d call or text, but as soon as we resumed the relationship by seeing each other and making love the problems would start again: he’d go in withdrawal and even though he’d talk to me he’d try to avoid ending up together at night, so to avoid intimacy. He always said that making love to me was the most wonderful thing ever, but he felt anguish after because he felt guilty towards her. He insisted many times that he didn’t want to be the “one that f***s up everything with her” and that he was staying only out of love for the kids. Meanwhile he’d push me away by treating me as second option, but as soon as together he’d showered me with affection and kept telling he loves me. Also, I closed the relationship about 2 and a half months ago, because he wanted us to be “friends”. Now, being he always said when it comes to me he has no choice, he wants to make love to me, and being also that clearly we are not friends but far more is between us, I told him I couldn’t be just a friend. I went silent for 21 days until by chance he saw me in the street and asked to meet. I thought he had cleared his mind maybe and met him. We ended up in each other’s arms and the days after were magic. Then he went on holidays 8 days, with her the kids and tagging along two single male friends, with the excuse that they were contributing to pay for the place he hired. He doesn’t need money (he got plenty) and I thought maybe he really cleared his mind, since obviously he didn’t want to be with her alone. Instead, when he came back we were worse off than to square one. He was trying to avoid situations in which we would have ended up making love and in the end, when I got angry – because why coming back to do that again?? – he text saying if not that way, then it would have been the destruction of his chance to be a good parent. Added he loves me and know I don’t agree but hoped I’d understood and that he’d be there for me whenever I wanted. He signed with a little emoticon, a sun, which has always meant I love you to us. He sent mixed signals all along; come here, go away, come here, go. I truly believe that he loves me, but also that comfort is what makes him feel secure and he’s scared of making a step with me, despite his feelings. He told me so himself, but I don’t know any more what to believe! Now it’s day 7 of my NC. I don’t know any more what to do. My last message to him was in response to his excuse that he stays with her for the kids. I told him that is not true, the situation suits him and if that is what he wanted then he knew I couldn’t stick around (he wanted to see me, but in spare moments and only during the day).
He replied:
“Thank you for your words of wisdom. I want you to know they have not gone unheeded. No white lies and I think of you all the time x Love is elusive for sure. Try to analyse it and it’s impossible! I admire your convictions. Maybe I’ll get there some day”

I am devastated and wonder how could come back to me once I thanked him for the joy he brought to me and said goodbye?? I was ready to move on then, but he came back and made love to me and we spent the most amazing time ever together… only for him to go on holidays and come back binning me! Why he did so, there was no need 🙁
Should I simply move on, or try with NC? He is very stubborn, seems he made a mission of proving me (or himself) that the right thing is to stick to her for the kids and I am wrong about how big is what we share.
admin

September 18, 2013 at 3:27 am

I vote try with NC!
admin

September 18, 2013 at 2:59 am

Keep doing NC and if he is stubborn don’t be upset if he doesn’t contact you during this time.

Have you picked up Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO?
cristina

September 18, 2013 at 9:14 am

Yes I did. I’m in agony 🙁
I really thought he cleared his head and heart about what to do last time when he got back with me. Can’t understand why he came back knowing how much I was suffering, just to do the same thing again. Maybe he’s just playing with me, am a side dish 🙁
It’s difficult to see because firstly he went on for over a year with me and secondly the way he was with me. All over me. We had a very strong bond, always in touch and he’d tell me everything that was going on in his life, work, personal, all. Now I feel he crushed everything, just out of fear? Or it’s something else that stops him from getting together with me seriously? The thing I’ve done to be with him… I guess I made him too comfortable and he got cocky about me being there for him 🙁
Maybe one month NC is not gonna be enough. He pushed and pulled me far too many times in the last 5 months.
admin

September 19, 2013 at 1:51 am

So you want to extend the month haha?

Natasha

September 16, 2013 at 12:01 pm

Hey Chris,

My boyfriend and I are 19 and this is our first serious relationship (1 and a half years) so this is all new to us, and he ended it a week ago, due to arguments that we were having. He said he still loves me a lot. During that time he wanted me to not contact him but stupidly I made the mistake of breaking down emotionally (due to my shock), and he admitted my ‘constant harassing’ was pushing him away further. During the last week we went from blaming each other to being friendly and caring and back again. Should I start the NC rule with him? I’m scared he will cut me out because since the day we met, we have communicated everyday, as he was also my best friend. What shall I do? Younger guys may be different and less mature, or does NC apply to every man’s psychology?

admin

September 17, 2013 at 1:11 am

I think you can try it on him. Hahaha the more immature the better the reactions you will get.
star

September 21, 2013 at 9:28 pm

me again…after a week of following really good nc rule a fail.. :(should i start all over again,i did post my page with my starting my business but he cant imagine woman bening over him 🙂 and he clearly liked on fb some stuped statuses about ex..i think he is trying to twested the situation and to say i damp him was my fall for him to pull a way,any way i dont know what to do should i staart nc again or should i show how god im know and what he lost its been two months last when we see eah other..please help
admin

September 21, 2013 at 11:39 pm

Yea I think you should start over again.

Cristina

September 16, 2013 at 9:42 am

Hi, this is a bit complicated but I will simplified it by saying that I had a relationship for over a year, with a guy whom is not married but got a long term partner, with whom he has two daughters of 9 and 8.
We met by chance last year for the second time in 4 years since we met the first time round and after 2 and half out of touch.
The very day we met again we started dating. It was a whirlwind and our bond grew very strong almost immediately. We share so much, have same interests, view on people and life, we also have same passions and spent every minute we could together. It wasn’t a relationship based on sexual attraction (even though we are extremely attracted to each other!), rather on all we have in common and the way we felt emotionally for each other. We always had a great time together, laughing and enjoying whatever we were doing together, whether eating a sandwich on a bench or having dinner at a posh restaurant and on top there was this incredible bond and attraction, so strong that a breath between us was always too much and would set us on fire in an instant! We waited 3 and a half months before crossing the line and making love to each other. Then the problems began. We met a week after that and had a fantastic time, but he tried to avoid going home together because – he said – he felt guilty in her regards.
I was in shock and heartbroken and talking to him I asked what he felt for me and he replied that he loved me but thought he had to stay with her for the kids.
I knew he was hiding behind excuses, I panicked thinking maybe he was just a player and once got what he wanted that was it. But he wasn’t. We went home that night and ended up in each other’s arms and that was the beginning of an emotional roller coster for both. Ahead of Xmas we saw each other another couple of times and guilt was always mentioned, as much as making love to each other continue to happened. Then he went home for the holidays and the day he got back tried to break up with me. He actually mentioned even before that “maybe we shouldn’t see for a while”, to which I reacted going mad and telling him that that would have been permanent, because I took it as if he wanted to break up with me. He then kept texting and staying in touch, when back from xmas I waved goodbye to him and he instead stopped me from leaving him, saying he needed me in his life. We began to see each other again, to spend wonderful nights together and out, but the “guilt” was brought up constantly. In May I got finally desperate and after many times trying to talk to him – since he kept making love to me, saying he loved me but going on about the guilt and having to stick to her for the kids! – I told him I couldn’t become a friend, we weren’t, never been. So I went NC for 3 weeks. Unfortunately and really by chance he saw me one day and texted asking if we could meet. I thought he’d cleared his mind maybe so agreed. We ended up in each other’s arms and spent the most wonderful night ever. We got locked in Hide Park (!) and made love there, hidden by the tall grass and surrounded by oaks lit by the full moon. The days after that were wonderful. He kept in touch and we saw each other every second we could. Then he went 8 days on holiday, with her, the kids AND two male single friends; the excuse for them tagged along was that they were contributing to pay for the place he hired. When he got back…. we were back to square one. First he avoided coming to the city (he lives elsewhere) with an excuse, then he came but adduced some commitments (meeting ex colleagues and friends!!!) as the reason for which we couldn’t meet other than a spare hour or two during day time… in between these “appointments”. I got angry and told him all I had inside. That he’s hiding from life telling himself lies, that I thought I had been clear about not being able to become a friend over night, not after all we shared. He kept saying he was doing it out of love for the kids, that he loves me but that was the situation. Basically he wanted me to stand on a side and watch him live his life with a woman he doesn’t love, all because the situation suits him. In facts, she stays home looking after their kids, not working, whilst in exchange he gets to spend 3 days alone in the city, enjoying his life. I told him so too, I had enough. Then I went silent. Four days after he texted back to my last text (where I told him he’s hiding and chosen comfort over us) saying my words hadn’t gone unheeded and he was thinking of me all the time and “maybe some day he’d get there”, meaning he’ll realise that sincerity and love are at the base of life and every relationship.
Now it’s silence. He pops onto whatsapp and I have the feeling he’s checking on me, whether I have been on or not (I do same, I Know: pathetic!).
I’m scared he will never get back and will stay with her.
All the above to ask: what do I do if he texts? I’m not sure I can trust him any more, especially after he came back to me when I said goodbye, just to leave me again!

admin

September 17, 2013 at 1:09 am

You might get something out of this article: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-definitive-guide-to-making-your-ex-boyfriend-love-you-again/
cristinar

September 17, 2013 at 8:06 am

I read it all. Still my doubts are not cleared.
admin

September 18, 2013 at 2:59 am

Ok, I want to clear some of those doubts up. So, what are you worried about?

Don’t ask me a million questions though b/c I am super busy but I want to help you really!
cristinar

September 20, 2013 at 8:17 pm

I don’t know 🙁
I would love to know the truth and I feel he didn’t give it to me.
Too easy in letting go of me this time, he didn’t even meet me, he said simply that since I didn’t want to meet him on any other terms than he’d go home. Then text two hrs later saying he was doing it for the kids, he loves me and bla bla bla.
I am going mad. How can he let go so easy if he really loves me?
Just to say it, this is day 10 of NC and suddenly today he put pictures on Whatsapp and Skype accounts. He NEVER had them for the all year we’ve been dating and I believe he put them there for someone else to see… or could it be he did it trying to provoke a reaction from my side? Am I pathetic thinking he could check his whatsapp to see if I been there (like I do)?
🙁 Thoughts please, I need men’s view here.
admin

September 21, 2013 at 10:54 pm

I don’t think you are pathetic at all. You are just in an emotional state and everything is magnified but that is ok, everyone goes through that during a breakup.

Have you read my post on understanding men? I think you would really benefit from that.
cristinar

September 18, 2013 at 6:28 pm

Never mind, sorry to bother… 🙁
here’s what was going on in my mind: it might be all fruit of my fears and imagination, but his whatsapp “patterns” now that we are not in touch are identical to those he used to have when we were dating. He would go more “active” on Tue, Wed, Thu cause he’s far from home and got more freedom to chat.
Morning appearance, then lunch appearance (to organise) then 5/6ish appearance to organise ourselves for after work drinks and dinner.
Now: he’s stored my number ONLY on his work phone, so to keep it separate from personal phone that the kids use to play and had whatsapp to chat with me there, since on blackberry viber or skype didn’t work ok.
As far as I know, only me was on it… so it goes of its own accord that 1 if am not chatting with him he shouldn’t have a need to go on whatsapp 2 if he goes there it can mean he’s got someone else’s that he keeps separate from all other friends/colleagues… that could only be someone he keeps secret about, hence another woman 🙁
My question was: could NC work on someone that is in rebound from an affair?
Then I thought of it…. why would I want it to work, when if this above was true it means he’s an a**clown? 🙁
My only wish is to see the truth, because I have no closure like this and I suffer terribly, despite doing all I can to take care of myself and better my life. It would have been easier if he had told me about a third woman. I believe there is one because I don’t think men would go check online to see if their ex popped there. Not 14 times in a day and not in “patterns” repeating more or less themselves. 🙁
I’m an idiot whom short sold herself thinking to be supportive and believed all the rubbish he told me for a year. He’s probably still laughing his rear out! 🙁
admin

September 19, 2013 at 2:14 am

So, are you wanting to move on?
cristina

September 18, 2013 at 10:42 am

I’m confused about why he came back last time, despite me having been clear about not wanting any friendship, cause it wasn’t possible for me to be just that with him. I literally wished him the best and said I didn’t like it but accepted his decision.
Also, I am confused about his mixed signals: he loves me, knows I don’t agree but hope I can understand. What am I suppose to understand here? He kept coming back, not letting me go, making love to me (and it was love, not sex!) and saying that after he felt anguish towards her.
She knows he’s got an affair and plays dumb only because it suits her; he respects her feelings but not mine.
Is this because I have been too understanding and sold myself short by trying to be supportive?
Why he keeps pulling and pushing me? I don’t know what to see in all this and am going mad not knowing what to do next. I love him very much and I am sure he loves me too. I don’t’ believe he’s happy that we are not talking as we had a very close relationship. I am the only one to whom he ever opened emotionally.
Is he fighting his own feeling, trying to understand them, fears changes… or just someone that wants his cake to eat it? I can’t tell any more 🙁
admin

September 19, 2013 at 1:55 am

Well, humans in general often don’t stick to their words when it comes to relationships. It is easy for them to change their minds.

gail

September 16, 2013 at 6:22 am

I’ve been in nc for about 14 days. It is his birthday on Friday. If I just text Happy Birthday, do i start the NC over again at o? We dated for 4 years and broke up 10 weeks ago. We talked for a few weeks, but he started dating someone in 4 weeks.

admin

September 17, 2013 at 1:03 am

I wouldn’t wish him a happy birthday if I was you.

mary

September 16, 2013 at 2:53 am

My fiance and i broke up this morning. I blew up at him over an old issue regarding one of his guy friends I dislike. I took off my ring and threw it at him. He picked it up and left. He said we are done. I didnt mean what I said and did. I’m not proud of how i behaved.

He said he was done with me, then said there might be a glimmer of hope for us. We are suposed to get married next July. I don’t want to lose him.

He said to not call or text him all week but that he would be with me on Friday to have dinner with my family.

I don’t know what to think. I agree that we need time apart. I’m really confused, and want to salvage things sooner than later.

admin

September 16, 2013 at 5:31 am

I have a post coming out this week that I think will help you out a lot. So, just remain patient.

Elenora

September 15, 2013 at 12:47 am

Hey Chris,
I just posted a message here.. but i’m not sure why it didn’t appear right away.. should I write you my situation again.. appreciate your help.

Elenora

admin

September 16, 2013 at 3:41 am

Have I answered it yet?

Or did it just not catch?

Elenora

September 15, 2013 at 12:18 am

Hey Chris,
My bf broke up with me after we’ve been together for one year , we’ve known each other for 2 years thru a friend ..so we were friends for a year then we dated for aother. I’ve never been happier so did he. things went so well between us.. he even asked me to marry him after 6 or 7 months of dating we were planning our lives together .. but then he stopped calling for a week which was odd cuz he called me every day or every other day .. i thought he was busy working on this book he was obsessed with since we me and wants to publish , so it didn’t really bother me I gave him his space and I sent him a box of sentimental gifts like we usually do to cheer him up and remind him of me along with a letter asking him about the work on the book and gave him some notes on it .. I called him up after a few days .. and out of the blue he said that he cant be with me because he cant get married because he’s not emotionally nor financially ready and wish he didn’t met me and he knew he was gonna be trouble for me and he’s sorry ! he told me several times before that he is still trying to find his purpose in life I told him so did I .. as for the financial stuff it was never an issue for me and he knows it .. I truly loved him for who he is and always addressed him as my angel becuz he’s so special to me & think of him as an answer to m prayers.. I was shocked and asked a few q’s then i hung up the phone on him ! i was sad mad going crazy …after a week told him thru whatsapp to delete the pictures he took with his phone and was in them together .. he said he did. I was so devastated, went on a vacation for a month when I came back I blocked him on twitter and whatsapp because I couldn’t take the pain anymore as he kept changing his profile pics and it hurt more and I didn’t want him to get the privilege of snooping on my twitter to see what im up to.. it’s been a month and 12 days since the whatssapp message and a month and 24 days since the phone call with no contact. the only thing he did after 2 weeks of our break up is that he endorsed me in linkedin …which was odd ! I didn’t respond to that.. I wanted to delete him from there too… but I jut ignored as if I didn’t see it.. I don’t really care about linkedin much. I don’t know if he’ll ever be back but he’s the kind of person that I want in my life we were partners, we supported each other .. we were sources of happiness to each other .. what should I do if he ever call or text .. should I be normal or mad as im still angry.. should I accept a friendship? or nothing less than a marriage proposal? he knows already what a relationship with me is like .. please advise.
Kindest regards,

Elenora

admin

September 15, 2013 at 2:00 am

You should definitely get angry and burn his house down.

No, I am just kidding just kidding.

Have you started NC yet?
Elenora

September 15, 2013 at 9:01 am

yes Chris it has been over a month .. 36 days since the last contact .. there is no contact from his side nor mine … i feel too proud to intitiate anything .. as im really hurt and feel rejected from someone i thught of as my partner .. what is your advice at this point?
admin

September 16, 2013 at 4:03 am

Swallow your pride and reach out hahaha.
Elenora

September 16, 2013 at 8:37 am

Dear Chris,

I think i will contact him after 10 more days …To complete 2 months of NC.But i’m so scared that he wont want me back because no body ends a serious relationship unless they really dont want to commit!Specially that he didnt contact me during the NC period 🙁 isn’t this an indicator?
admin

September 17, 2013 at 1:06 am

Not an indicator just means that he is stubborn.
Elenora

September 15, 2013 at 11:01 am

Sorry I mean it has been 42 days = 1 month and 12 days now with no contact from either of us. As i told you i have blocked him from social media :twitter and whatsapp. although he endorsed me on linkedin.. but ignored that. Should i continue the NC further more till i see something from his side?

Natasha

September 13, 2013 at 1:39 pm

Here I m i need help advice :)) After chasing my Boyfriend for one and half year chasing, caring for him,more attention then anybody else got he knows i love him to the end of the world and didnt apprisete no one bit he was taking advantig of me ,he told me he is not right for me i said ok go on find better then me if someone dosnt love you u cant forse them..he got realy apset about that and straight a way post picture from anoghter woman on fb and lots of other ones to show me he can have better the me now make me so jelous but im so come and keep he keep showing off ..i post some photos on fb to show im so come and having good time even without him and now he dont have any attention of whats ever no signle bit and couple days earlly i start uisng nc…now im lost i don know what to do…please help..i think he is uing same tehnik nc

star

September 13, 2013 at 8:59 pm

probably he forgot about me by know its 2 months, feels like only yesterday same pain but i don’t know to delete him from fb or just not go on it,i cant see his face…..
admin

September 15, 2013 at 12:58 am

Man you women always think a guy will forget you. I don’t think that is likely at all.
admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:27 pm

You are on the right track Natasha.

Stay in NC as that is the best way to proceed forwards. Also, read the other articles on this site or pick up the E-Book because that can help you more than anything.
star

September 21, 2013 at 5:34 pm

hi chris i fall doing Nc..:(i was nearly there should i start over again or give up??..i feel so silly now he still know i got feelings for him..:((
admin

September 21, 2013 at 11:34 pm

Only give up if you feel there is no hope left. If you still want this and want to keep going then you can start NC over again.

Josie

September 13, 2013 at 4:51 am

How do you know when it’s a good time to start the NC rule?
My ex and I broke up about 2 days ago and he’s been casually sending me texts every once in a while, and I’ve replied with usually one or two worded answers..

I broke up with him because I felt like a second option and he’s still seeing his ex and not ready for a relationship… I was really hurt by all of this.. I don’t understand why he is being so casual about this?

I think I was too nice about our break up.. I didn’t express how I really felt, for the fear I’d lose him completely to her..

Recently I stopped texting him all together.. Was it the right move? Or was I wrong to ignore him? Should I let him know I need space and time to heal and the best thing is to not have contact for a while until he figures things out?

admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Haha now would be a good time I think.
Josie

September 13, 2013 at 6:56 pm

What do I do if I see him in person? Like if I run into him on campus, or at the grocery store?
admin

September 15, 2013 at 12:53 am

Become the most pleasant version of yourself. Don’t avoid confrontation just be pleasant and end the conversation first and on your terms.
CC

September 17, 2013 at 7:07 am

I feel like I’m just pushing him further away..
I don’t want to push him further towards his ex.. ?
He hasn’t talked to me in about a week.. isn’t this a bad sign that it’s not working?
admin

September 18, 2013 at 2:57 am

As opposed to you acting desperate and pushing him towards his ex?

It is neither a bad nor good sign.

Kate

September 13, 2013 at 2:45 am

How do I know my ex won’t get mad, he sent me just a message saying sup and after me not answering he messaged again saying have a good night. But since these were on fb he will see i’ve read them :/

admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:02 pm

If he does get angry then that means he is invested in you and cares. So, in a way you kind of want him to get angry.

Sophie

September 13, 2013 at 1:18 am

I was in no contact and not responding to his texts for two weeks when he texted that he was getting rid of all evidence that I ever existed and that I’m dead to him. It really made me very upset and I broke NC. Should I assume he really means what he said or should I start over at day 1 of NC?

admin

September 13, 2013 at 4:19 am

I would have still stayed NC (b/c the evidence that really matters is in his head.)

When you broke NC what happened?
Sophie

September 13, 2013 at 11:10 pm

Every few months we break up. We try to work on things but always end up in horrible fights up. Nothing ever changes. So I tried no contact and he texted me a few times that my silence is proof that I don’t care enough. The last text was the one saying he’s removing every trace of me. The one that said I’m dead to him really upset me and made me break NC. I texted him saying I’m sorry and defending myself bringing up stuff from the fight. Basically ruining any progress I made during the NC. Btw I think this site is by far the best in this subject.
admin

September 15, 2013 at 1:10 am

Thank you Sophie,

I do try my best!
Sophie

September 17, 2013 at 12:57 am

Also I decided to just delete him from my phone
admin

September 18, 2013 at 2:43 am

Do you have his phone number memorized?
Sophie

September 17, 2013 at 12:54 am

Today I broke no contact again. I had to see if he blocked me on phone so I called him. I knew he wouldn’t answer and it went to voicemail and didnt leave msg at least. I’m having a hard time w no contact. I’ve only contacted him twice in 3 weeks and now I have to start over. I feel so guilty about no contact too. But I know I have to be a soldier and I’m going to do it
Sophie

September 16, 2013 at 6:51 pm

Hello again I got the book and it is really helping. I have another question. Would it be ok to either block ex’s phone number or use an app that puts messages from him into a folder for later viewing?
Sophie
admin

September 17, 2013 at 1:34 am

IF you think that would help you sure haha!

Chelsea

September 12, 2013 at 11:42 pm

about a year ago, my ex and I broke up. It was really hard, him and I had been dating for a whole year and he broke up with me thinking we’d still be a thing while he went off to college being single and mingling…
well I left him, a year went by and we rarely spoke at all. I think in the whole time we hung out once at one of his lame college parties he invited me to. we never kissed or anything after our break up. and believe me, he tried. I was just much stronger than I thought.

a year after I started hanging out with my girl friend that I met through my ex because she was dating my ex’s bestfriend. When we were together we would all go on double dates and yadayada but a really strange thing happened. when I would spend time with her boyfriend (ex’s bestfriend) we started to instantly click. we would do certain things together that at the beginning we would justify our time together by saying it was for his gf (my friend). We both knew there was much more between us than just friends. there was an instant attraction. we started studying together and soon he broke up with his gf of 3 yrs (my friend) for me.. we started seeing each other and i knew this would end all future chances with my ex seeing as he was his best friend.. and ruin my friendship with his ex gf (my ex friend).

We got into a relationship about a week after they broke up… and I knew it was too soon but I wanted to be with him so bad I didn’t care.

There was still so much heart ache after the break up, I could tell it still bothered him.. especially after his ex went and had sex with his best friend (my ex) to get back at us..

All our problems happened after that.. he was seeing her behind my back to get closure and apologize, he would immediately would tell me after but it still hurt that he still cared and thought about his ex..

well it got so bad that it ended up with us always arguing about her.. I broke it off a month into the relationship thinking he’d come and fight to get me back but the exact opposite happened.. instead I wanted to get back together but when i did he told me he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship.. it was too soon.. he doesn’t deserve me.. I don’t deserve him doing this to me and he didn’t see himself not talking to his ex and even wanted to try to be friends with her…

I decided to look up how to get my ex back.. buy I need help… what am I doing wrong? I love him stop much… all I want is to be back together, happy, and in love like i was in the beginning… I want him back!

I think if I give him space and do the 30 rule and let him figure things out, he possibly will come to guys senses and realize we aren’t meant for each other and forget his ex..

please, help?

admin

September 13, 2013 at 4:16 am

NC is a good way to start but you have to do more than that.

Read this page (you’ll thank me later)

If that isn’t detailed enough I highly recommend you pick up my ebook!

Krista

September 12, 2013 at 7:18 pm

Hey! It’s been a month since my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. We have been talking, seeing each other quite frequently, but he doesn’t want to come back and is in a relationship with a girl he had lined up prior to our breakup. However, I know he still has very strong feelings for me and we had lots of good memories together. Is it too late to implement the 30 day no contact rule?

admin

September 13, 2013 at 4:11 am

No, it sounds like the perfect time!

Nicole

September 11, 2013 at 12:56 pm

We were together a long time, what if my ex’s sister or mother contact me to ask how I’m doing?

admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:26 am

Hmmm… I’ll leave that one up to you but if it were me I would ignore them too. Sometimes you have to take a stand for yourself.

Julia

September 11, 2013 at 11:37 am

Hey, couldn’t reply down there as it’s not allowed.
Yes I’ve tried a few months of NC with the first guy. He still can’t stand me. And should I ignore the 2-nd one? the one who loves me?

admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:23 am

Well he loves you but you don’t love him right?
Julia

September 12, 2013 at 4:22 am

yea there are 2 guys. R and A. R hates me and I love him, A loves me but I don’t b/c I love R but he has enough of me, I annoyed him always talking about my feelings 🙁 hope I didn’t confuse you hahaha.
admin

September 13, 2013 at 3:34 am

So, it is R that you want hahaha.

Ok, lets focus on trying to get him back.
Julia

September 13, 2013 at 12:21 pm

Yeeeees!!!! btw! A wrote me today and said sry and that he needs me. So he’s back. But yeah I want R.

P.S. I hope you don’t mind that I sent you a request on facebook.
admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:10 pm

Go right ahead!

admin

September 11, 2013 at 1:42 am

I think it is a good idea definitely!

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